How to know a relationship is over?

hey hey it's on the Gaskins here wanna pop in and go through this now you know we have some relationships and then you know we have some situation ships and then you have that off and on back and forth love then you have the dating relationships where you're not married and then marriage so across the board there are tests at every step of the way at every level there's a new devil and what you are faced with is when do I let go when do enough is when is enough enough so I kind of want to go through this and I'm gonna speak on an actual relationship though and if you're not even in a real relationship then if you've gone through what I'm talking about in a relationship then you definitely it's definitely over it's definitely over so understand that before you get together before the man says will you be my girlfriend like can we be exclusive I want to be with you before you get to that point if you have to put up with any deal-breakers it's over it's done that what you have to understand that meeting a person does not mean you have to go into a relationship with them like just because you go on a few days does not mean y'all have to try to work out a whole relationship just because you like the way each other look cologne perfume how you dress had a great date know if you recognize red flags or you got to put up with any drama before you even did in a relationship and exclusive relationship run it's over with that is what that dating period dating around that's what that is for to give people that act very quickly now when you get in a relationship and it is an exclusive relationship understand this you got a 12 month period in this 12 month period this part twelve months of being in a exclusive relationship which you should get to this point at the latest at six months six months of dating a person talking on the phone going on dates should be the longest it takes to get into an exclusive committed relationship where the man says I want to be with you will you be my woman can we be exclusive however he says it but that's what he's saying six months is the most to be honest with you every man knows by three months if a man if you a man watching this if you don't know about a three month mark that's not your wife that's not the woman that you need to go any further with so save yourself the time save her time going about your business because it don't take that long you know just think about it what they say first impression lasts a long time first impression is a lasting impression so if they're telling you meeting the person one time you could sum up a whole bunch about them that lets you know right there how the mind works that in three months of dealing with a person you should know if she has the potential to be your wife okay now let's say you want a real relationship now you in this relationship there's 12 months it really some would say it's the honeymoon but it's really not the honeymoon that's what I thought that's really training count that first 12 months is training counting but that's what you got to realize see in this training count you got to understand like what kind of training camp is this like is this one of days it's just two days it's just three days is this hazing and initiation in here like what kind of training camp is this so in this 12 months this is where you working out you're just where you really in the terms with your beliefs do we want kids do we want to get married how do we treat our finances is you a ball till you fall type of person you know you spend every dime in that account I've been I was that person in my wife we would have people we've been kind of letting stuff accumulate in there but me I was a tight and she was the type to go broke every day okay go broke every day wake up blessed and highly favored the next day you just every day take care of self you know so we on the same page there now as we got older you know it's like a guy started thinking about retirement I started thinking about college so we had to do things differently but we gradually we were on the same page in this 12 months this way you find out where you act now if you get past the major deal-breakers so if your foundational beliefs are the same then that 12 months you know made it through training count now listen inside of this 12 months it is over if you get cheated on it's over if you get okay can say every word on him and it is happen it's over up under that now you got cheating you got that and then you got lies so low to talk to cheating and this here that's the top two now when you come up under that then you got the verbal you have emotional you have financial you have social I'm talking about verbal the a word a B you okay say all the words okay you got verbal because men we talk about physical okay verbal social emotional financial you make up whatever other one you want to all of those come in there too now here's the thing that we implant baseball so in this 12 months you got a two strike rule okay baseball you get you three strikes in a relationship three strikes might end you so you got a two strike rule you lied to me two times the first well out of here got to go you you yelling at me cursing at me verbal two times got to go and not don't try to be holier than thou oh it's only gonna be one time for me only God had me on one time and then you'd be the same one the Megane drop in marriage for fifteen twenty years thirty years time i one time so let's be realistic here people we forgiving people we sweep a lot of stuff under the road but listen all this other stuff you can lie too not keeping it word getting out of pocket to strike rule in this verse twelve months now after that twelve months at twelve months between twelve months and 18 months needs to come and engage me this when the man need to get on one knee and say will you be my wife okay listen to me now in this twelve to eighteen months all the same stuff still applies if he if he cheating on you done okay it's around all the other stuff up under there you still on your to strike rule 12 18 months the engagement need to happen when engagement happens if if you're not engaged by eighteen months that you've been with a man and y'all are over the age of twenty five see if you before the age of 25 all of this not gonna apply to you because it's nice relationships not even real before age 25 but if this man is 25 or older by the time he 26 and a half he need to be on one knee and then from that point right there you got another 12 months at the max you really want to be engaged 12 months don't be in a rush don't be in a rush I did it you remember why we did the wrong way that's what I'm teaching you you want to be engaged 12 months and the reason being is because he for a lot of men and women see for a lot of women engagement me oh I made it no you made it you made it you ain't got no benefits you got no benefits on that tax return you ain't got no no Union Union alimony y'all break up you get no spousal support y'all break up engagement don't mean nothing you just got a ring they don't mean nothing you still single in the eyes of love so understand this see a lot of women when they get engaged they get law to sleep law lu l LED if that's how I spell somebody thought I said loved l.o.v.e D you get law to sleep so when you get comfortable that old girl marry you know change your little Facebook to engage it so many engagements that end every day especially right now what we're going through with this here at 19 engagements being counsel left from right you me and that don't mean anything so you need 12 months cuz you got to watch each other because what happens is people get lakhs and they start to show their true colors that they didn't show in just dating see dating engaged married so in this engagement you finna see some things he might want to get loud he might want to uh you know the the woman might start you know getting out of pocket now you see if you still got strikes from the day period and stuff there and then now you get some more stuff happening engagement it's over it's over with now by the 24 month mark by 24 months of being in an exclusive committed relationship you need to be at the courthouse getting married and listen to them don't worry about no wedding don't worry about no reception don't worry about all that okay people getting laid off their jock and you work get it at courthouse for that $99 and get married 24 months you need to be married so let me help you understand this now when you cross 24 months and you ain't married every month your chances of a healthy successful marriage go down by 5% every month that passed after 24 months because the reason why is because a man knows for sure by 24 months if you his wife if he married you by 24 months he ain't sure by 2 he you will hold me down lady ask me what's a hold me down it just mean like you a placeholder you just who he with you you his company you his test dummy until he meets the woman that really intrigues him now yes people have gone longer than two years dating and then still got married and a handful of them a handful of them ended up happy the rest of them ended up divorced because understand what I'm telling you I know what I'm talking about a man knows if you his wife by 24 months if he don't know if he can't make a decision on you in 24 months you got to run you hit me I'm out the blocks you hit me in the reason why is because no you can't be trusted playboy you can't be trusted you want me to follow your lead and you take you 24 months to decide on a hill being you ain't deciding this you decided on a human being that children breathe with slept with being wit been around talk two hours on top of hours and by 24 months you don't know if you ready to marry this woman you can't be trusted man you gon get on the potty he'll don't get up out of here you you like a leaf in the wind you too indecisive you don't know what you want no you can't follow that type of man you can't follow that type of man I met my wife when I got my why bait cuz I ran off in the first two months why cuz I would be in control and I was being insecure I was being jealous she Oh God six months later we bought back in each other when I got a bite right there we was married ten months later cuz I knew from the first date it wasn't even no real date we were sitting on a park bench and we taught six hours I knew from that first conversation that she could be my wife I ain't special air man no every man know so when you get draw past a 24 month mark and you still a married he unsure about you you're your future is shaky if you want to stay in that boat it got a slow leak in it you want to stay in that boat it got a slow leak in it listen I'm telling you your paddles they get thrown overboard you up the creek without a paddle and you got a slow leak listen to what I'm telling you now now when you get married understand this when you get married this when it's all the way real if you don't believe in marriage then some of this stuff may apply to you I'm a Christian I believe in marriage a lot of people come on my page well what if you don't believe in marriage well your neuron page this this a Christian page this is a Christian believe so we believe in marriage okay so I talked about door thanks God way okay I don't know what the atheists are doing so when you get married let me help you understand now in marriage it's gonna take two to three years five years at the max you need to get your marriage five years to level out because what's gonna happen is when people get married they take a stupid pill they take that stupid pill and what that means is they start acting up when you get married when you get married you go into a power struggle who's gonna serve who who's gonna do what so woman has her fantasy of marriage so the woman you know well I would like roses on Thursday I would love a man who can cook I would love a man who wants to help with the dishes okay but rods would be great even though I've been sitting on a couch all day as a housewife okay and so she going through her list she have her list the man he over here and he feel like he has his fantasy okay I need my woman to cook a hot breakfast whole lunch dinner I might want to meet nice night okay being old top off happy ending at midnight okay and so he's going through his list so what happens is you come into Meredith like whining getting done ain't nobody fantasy can fulfill so you go to a power struggle boom oh she want this he won't you and this power stroke and what it's going to take remember I told you my cousin told me about 10 11 years old he said you Mary's any 5050 marry 5149 because somebody got to be the bigger person that's what it's gonna take that's what it's gonna take shout out to my cousin Albert Gasca telling me that he probably heard from the day but listen to somebody got to take the initiative to leave with love and I'm gonna tell you me personally I believe it should be the man because the man supposed to be the head of the household then you need to be the one to lead with love and that's what I had to do so for me and my wife it took us two years we are an exception to the rule because look what I do look what God called me to do so if it took us two years to get it together then somebody who ain't called it is here who got in anointed and appointing it might be four years so and I'm gonna give you five years max to get this he'll thing together cuz marriage is serious and you should just get married and run out on it you know unless there were there was a deal breaking offense like infidelity so listen to me if you get cheated on one time physically cheated on understand this it's easy to cheat so when you catch somebody cheating there's a possibility they've been cheating for a while nine out of ten times they've been cheating for a while there are things if you want a relationship or if you've been in a relationship especially if a man you a man watching this if you a man you know you didn't done some things behind your wife or your girlfriend back and they never found out and they never found out because it's easy to do it ain't hard to do it ain't hard because it's so many loose booty people out here dad wham bam thank you ma'am you ain't got to put on a man you gotta put a lot of work in to sleep with another one and even if you don't want to go courting or work another woman this or sleep with an ex or whoever it is they paying for it today they paying for it at the truck stop it is well I'll take your mouth it's real easy to teach so if you can't somebody team I'm not saying that you bring inadmissible or forbidden fruit into the court of love so you understand what forbidden fruit is forbidden fruit is evidence that you find without a search warrant so I'm not saying that you say oh I caught routine one time so that so according to Tony Gaston a sudden and these other people that means it's the tenth time so I'm trying you for ten times we done now realistically let's be real now it's a small percentage of people who get cheated on one time and leave it's that that so everybody want to be in the comment oh if he cheat one time it's over and then you wake up seven years later he's a cheat on you eight times had a whole baby on you you still doubt and even when you look in the media when you look in the media it's men in the media Tony celebrity relationships where the men have had a baby on the woman and this woman got a name she got clout she got money she got every reason to leave like a lot of women on the everyday scale is saying well I don't want to stay because of financial reasons I can't afford to take care myself on my own salary to provide and I want to be here for financial reasons but you know Beyonce had turned her lemons into lemonade Beyonce stay turn her lemons into lemonade so 9 out of 10 women gonna stay after being tea let's just be real now should you know are you not attend time yeah if you being honest now you're gonna sit here like a con man to your thumbs read you know why but I do this every day already know how y'all are so understand this right here if you get cheated on one time and you find out you find out one time if you forgive it if you forgive it cuz it's a personal choice if you got the strength to lelee go ahead leave if you marry and you say oh we can get through this we could work through this such a such work to us that such work to it such just work to it then okay y'all gonna work through that okay that's on y'all now if you get cheated on a second time it's over it's over your relationship is over if you catch your partner cheating on you a second time it is over it's a wrap I don't care I don't care if y'all have made it 20 years 25 years it's over with okay because now you got a cheater you don't got somebody you don't have somebody who cheated on you you have a teacher okay that's a difference that is a difference the best of us could slip up and and make a dumb decision make a dumb choice the best of us could do that but when it is repeated okay us the first time we'll call it a mistake even though it any mistake it's a choice it's a choice but we don't call it a mistake it was a dumb choice oh no labeler mistake the second time you get cheated on that's a choice some of y'all have been with a person and you caught them chien a third time the third time you get cheated on that is a habit mistake choice habit that's a habit you got to be gone you hear me you cannot play with it no more you got to be gone okay now understand this right here if you get into marriage and you realize so that's the chin but on this other side you get into marriage and you realize that y'all didn't talk your foundational beliefs that you all the way of marriage and you didn't know that your spouse don't want cheering but you won't change me so guess what that's a deal-breaker unless you're gonna compromise unless you can compromise and live happily ever after without feeling like you gave up a major part of your life a major part of your heart that's a deal breaker if there's other foundational beliefs in there that's deal-breakers how you raise your kids if all of a sudden you get married and you've been Christian and Bible totally and not your spouse wanna be a theist that's a deal-breaker because that's gonna be confusion for the kid that's a deal-breaker so it's things in there but it has to be a foundational belief understand foundation is what you build upon so this foundational belief is a part of how you will build your life so financially family and faith finances family and faith they all part of the foundation okay it's not about like oh well he believed he should lead a toilet seat up and I believe he should put it down so we got to get a divorce I'm not talking about that I'm not talking about little nuances okay foundational beliefs now understand this right here if you get married and there have been hands intentionally laid on you if hands have been laid on you intentionally and because this is right what I mean by this is just a difference with intent to do something to you okay because it's a difference I remember my wife I went back to the streets I'm like the husband I came home we got it to it she was trying to leave I'm holding I'm holding now what that wasn't me trying to do anything to her I'm saying please stay please stay I realized that she wasn't gonna stay there that night so I had to so I ain't tryna you know so summon y'all when you get an old situation one time that right there you ever with somebody all that one time is done one time is done listen to me hello well you know he was drunk oh well you know his mama had just passed away he trouble going through oh well I provoked them all that no one time it's done because guess what if you play with that just want the wrong way finito you hit me you cannot play with that you cannot play with that because it's physical now the same time verbal and emotional verbal okay talking down talking down that's gonna weigh you down that's gonna strip you your self-esteem you check one time you checking one time second time okay you want suspension now second time you ridden up third time verbal finito it's over with it's over with emotional the emotional could deal with cheating emotional could deal with some other stuff too you know emotional a person go out you call them general answer don't answer don't answer don't answer don't answer don't you call it eight outs and they do you like that all the time that's emotional a y'all know the word I'm talking about okay you can't tolerate that see that's what I need you to understand cuz you saying like man Tony so you saying if he called me a B or Tony if she called me up B 3 times that I need to leave be done I get a divorce yeah you know why because that's gonna keep tearing you down the rest of your life and the reason the reason why I say this is because humans very smart a human knows how to adapt and change you only got to tell me one time not to call you out your name not to call you no B word you only got to tell me one you ain't got to tell me one time not do nothing like that to you that's common sense you only got to tell me one time dad when I'm hiding a bomb you need me to answer my phone because you could be an emergency and if ain't doing nothing that's that serious and I have the ability to answer my phone I need answered my phone because you could be calling me with your last breath so you only got to tell me that one time that's how humans hear this how the brain heals you know so I just got wired I'm a little dog in this thing you know two months three months old then already learned the way around the neighborhood they go on a walk didn't know how to get back to the house you know if animal brain could do that what you think the human brain capable of that's what let me know a lot of y'all get played for a fool lot of y'all get played for a fool now you we gonna break some of the rules sometimes you know and sometimes you have to identify if it's you I was sold toxic and controlling and just insecure and jealous and that I didn't create a safe space for my wife so she did something that she thought I might not approve she would lie about it and I told this you lie to me three times we divorce well to my knowledge she lied full times well what happened is I had to forgive the first three because those were a defense mechanism because I hadn't created a safe space so sometimes this were the exception to the rule come in when you know you played a vital part in this action then that's when you take and accept your responsibilities now when you take an you shift and you change so when I became an amazing husband an amazing father and I create this safe space there's no reason now at this point to be lied to about did you learn your mama some money did you know your friends some money like where this here money right here win it that's in the account or you know where was you I would call you where you was at what she was doing ain't no reason for little white lies or big lies little eyes when there's a safe space so when you taking you growing you change and you doing what you need to do and your partner still doing the wrong thing then that's when you have to understand that it that you got to go you got to go so listen to me if she a lot of y'all won't forgive that if you got to shrimp and you know that you know you're gonna walk away eight by all means go ahead now the other thing is when you have let's say you got some difference of opinion you got some difference of some beliefs you got some personality clashes somebody got to step up and lead it needs to be the man and the reason why I needs to be the man is because man I get so complacent so easy that if the woman starts to lead with love the man may kick his feet up and just receive that love and did not reciprocate equal or greater so I don't believe in the woman taking and catering to a man and doing all this for a man that ain't doing nothing for her the man need the lead fellas is on you the step up and to make the changes in your relationship change your attitude change your energy change your effort and then she will receive and reciprocate if you change your energy and your attitude and your effort and she doesn't reciprocate that's when you know you with the wrong woman that's when it's time for you to go now on this other part right here in this marriage what you gotta realize is that both of you have personality differences so my wife she had to let me know in Dayton don't yell at me in marriage she had to let me know no illegal activity you're not gonna be in the streets she also had to talk to me about the way I talked to her being too blunt not saying stuff say what you got to say but don't say something that's gonna be hurtful if you were intentionally trying to the deed you know don't don't do that she had a Czech mountain that so I had to learn it took me two or three times but because it wasn't like a physical thing or it wasn't really malicious she forgave it she worked with me cuz I'd be real real blunt you know not nothing that's you know unforgivable but it's still unpleasant so I had to get beyond it and grow past that point now listen to me at the five-year mark okay when you get to five years if your relationship hasn't leveled out and what I mean by this is about a five-year mark you should only be having normal disagreements like petty disagreements I just own little stuff it should be just normal difference of opinions it should not be Kingdom issues life altering stuff that you're going through but a five-year mark there should be no emotional cheating that you haven't to address definitely no physical cheating no type of note no type of verbal emotional physical about five-year mark all of that should be out the window if you hit the five-year mark dating or marriage and you still addressing illicit messages being sent to people online emotional cheating you still addressing physical emotional verbal social when I say social I mean like social means like where somebody tries out it could mean one or two things and this is my definition I'm making this up social a be you as he means like a person isolating you from your friends in your family that would be social okay they're isolating you the other form of that would be on social media where a person takes and post subliminal messages that's taking a dig a shot at you and everybody coming to the comments agreeing with the message yes I can't stand that type of person and yes people just don't understand but this is your partner your spouse posting this to to get at you and I did that a few times in my relationship and my wife she had to tell me about that she said one thing I hate that you do is when you post a lesson or song right after we just dealt with that and I was like you know I'm transparent and authentic but no I knew what I was trying to do so I had to check myself because that's wrong you can't a person can take your behind-the-scenes grievances that y'all working to put it on social media and everybody weigh in on that one-sided post that's that's absolutely wrong so you shouldn't have to explain that to offenses after that it hit that third you got to be gone now Financial is controlling the money from you you can't spend nothing you can't do not then you don't have your own money even if you don't work if you marry you should be half and a lot meant that you can spend the way you want it to be spent even if you marry and you not working if you working then your money you should have an allotment that goes to bills and a lot men that goes to you when you own ball and chain around finances that's not right and you can't live like that so about a five-year mark a relationship should enter autopilot and what I mean by this is autopilot don't mean the pilot get up out the seat and go into the to the coach to the first-class sit down and want an old seat turn the TV on put the seat belt on and keep back no you still them you still them but it just it's on cruise control that's where relationships should enter by year number five that does not what I'm not I'm not saying that it's gonna be perfect you're gonna have disagreements I'm trying to think right now something that maybe me and my wife didn't had to deal with but I cannot honestly think of something that's even worth mentioning one of the things is we got to look look doll I'm not a tall person so here's what it is we had this before we had to donate two of them or fold and then this one here I don't really do dolls just because I don't like nobody running me I'll come don't come in here parking at me telling me to get up a feed you when when I know one make the money so that's why I don't do those so last night my wife had to go into the room too I mean she's going to brush our six-year-old teeth and she hand me the the plastic bag for the doll the the watch it in case it starts sniffing and need the boo-boo because we training it and I said no I said I don't know don't give me that I told you this y'all dog this or this is y'all responsibility this what y'all wanted 9 I approved the dog and it's a little dog won't get bigger than 4 pounds because I want none ripping the tan on my shoes and but I say this on y'all this is for the boys this day responsibility so my third bite wit my twelve-year-old came up room I said his son hey get this get this he'll plastic the little bag what they pick up the boob with and follow your dog around I say take your dog outside and walk your dog and then he walked came back in and so when I said that why she kind of looked at me look salty you know she would look because she thinking that when I said that I just was playing but I was dead serious y'all want this that yes my son wanted this gonna be their responsibility not mine I'm not going to be getting up two o'clock in the morning going on a walk 6 o'clock in the morning this day responsibility and she wanted it so I said it's gonna be you and their responsibility not that right now that's the extent of the logistics look things like that that you got to work through in marriage not no deal breaking ain't dealing with no cheating ain't dealing with you know none all this illicit is just little differences of opinions little compromise I said look I'm gonna compromise and let the dog live in my house eat off eat off my budget be a whole nother expense I'm a compromise there I got to deal with this barking I got to deal with the way they yelping in the middle of the night cuz it don't want to go to sleep in this list area so I got to be listen to that so I'm a compromise there y'all got that you got to compromise on being an overseer CEO manager of this that's an example of the type of stuff you got a deal with after the five-year mark you should not still have to you should not be dealing with another man another woman texting your or talking to your spouse you should have you shouldn't have to be crying over blatant verbal situations blatant emotional situations you shouldn't have to be crying you cry if you crying it out to be because a good movie now sometimes you're gonna have intense conversations where you have to talk about a kingdom issue meaning you got to get some straightening okay listen I would really love if you be more mindful that I'm trying to keep the house clean and stop leaving your socks on the floor you know I have to hear that stop leaving your socks everywhere on the floor I would love you'll be more mindful and put the toilet seat down there's the type of stuff like this realistic this real stuff that may come up and meet in my household but it's never it's not coming up so what is this text that I just received from a woman saying that you and her have been sleeping together for the last six months ain't none of that ain't none of ain't no going out all night staying out all night you know coming in and next morning ain't no arguing to the point that you going on slamming dolls and then you disappear in 2-3 days when you still dealing with that stuff this what you won't have to do you gotta first if you trying to work on your marriage or your relationship what you got to do first if you got the money then you need to be here my mentor not like booking a session with me or another coach if you got the money if you don't back the money you need to watch every single video just go to the main page on YouTube click on click on my videos and just all day long you just listen to videos you can add them all to a playlist and you just let the playlist ride and you just listen you get all the knowledge and all of that knowledge and then if you get all the free knowledge then if you can't afford a coaching session but you say I can't afford a book then you read the books if you get a little bit past that I can afford a seminar you go to seminar we have a seminars right now but or you do an online course you get all the knowledge this in marriage not if you're going through all this chaos and stuff in a dating relationship you're not married you don't go on much' business but when you get married these the steps you do you get all the free knowledge unless you got the money if you got the money then you go right to the page knowledge then you go to the books and you are online courses Tony Gaskins academy.com I got a love and relationships bundle so you go on there I got a course for make it work a video course for for married couples I got a course for singles breaking soul time everything you need it's on you guys cannot call you going you do the work all right after you do that now you do coaching what you need to do is you need to do four sessions you need to do a minimum of four sessions if you are in a relationship that you want to work you need to go to four individual sessions this is a mistake that people make they try to only do couple sessions that's not gonna work because it's things that you need to hear that if your partner hears it he or she can use it against you can use it to hold over your head and turn it into a form of a y'all know what I'm telling when I say a okay turn it into a form of emotional a and so you need to hear some things for yourself there will be strategies that you will learn in coaching that you can implement that can shift the entire situation for the better so you do those first okay then you're doing what you need to do but not your partner still doing what they doing and they wrong now you let them know if you want this relationship to continue you've got to get individual coaching so you do individual coaching your partner does individual coaching or counseling or therapy whatever your choice is the difference is coaching you got to pay cash counseling therapy if you you got insurance it may cover it the awesome the other difference is is that with a coach if you come to a relationship coach this is a relationship quote/unquote expert somebody who loved and passionate about this specific topic which is love and relationships you go to a counselor you got somebody who may be a jack of all trades and a master of nothing they may be trained in several different topics several different areas that they counts along and relationships is one of them and they can only use the book knowledge they can only use treatment plans they can give you mother wit meaning godly wisdom motherly wisdom their wisdom from their experience so or their get out of it and they'll get in trouble so they can give you any kind of different practices and things you can do you know like hey write a book hey you do this you know because they can get in trouble and they get Oddity now our relationship coach gonna have a little bit more free rein help you turn some of these and some of this pain in the purpose so there's there's a difference the therapy council can work now if you're dealing with certain types of situations when you need that clinical those labels and diagnosis and you need the treatment plan that goes with that situation you're in that can be beneficial at the end of the day is learned the way it's learned through studies of human behavior so a relationship coach may have the same wisdom but just don't have that same certification so you have to choose what's best for you a lot of my clients do both a lot of my clients do both one covered by insurance when they paying for out-of-pocket that's the type of work you do you do four sessions individually your partner does four session individually then y'all can do four sessions together because now you've heard what you need to hear and you don't run back and tell that they hear what they need to hear they don't run back and tell that your partner if your partner is the toxin when they may come and tell you everything that was said on the call trying to get you to tell them everything that was said on your call that's a no-no never do that that's for you for your use only then when you get on the phone together the coach or the couple or the counselor will give you all information and y'all will have conversation that is meant for the two of you to hear so understand that's why it's important yes you're thinking about saving money and all of that but do you want your situation to work out and if you can't do that with a human then do it with the books and the courses and the videos well understand this right here any deal-breaker in a deal-breaker listen to me any deal-breaker that you have had to address three times it's over it is over any form emotional verbal physical that you've had to address three times it's over cheating three times it's over the be honest with you a lot of this stuff need to be over after the first or second time but I'm just saying three just cause a lot of y'all like to hang around and think stuff gonna change if you got to address it three times and it's a deal-breaker it is over your relationship is done and then here's the thing you know you've had to address something that is a deal breaker three times but you don't want to leave the next thing you do is doing all that what I told you the books the courses the videos and the coaching and or councilman you do all of that you do you up to 12 sessions with a human you could read many books you want to read many videos as you want to do you do all that work then you given the relationship another shot with this new information this new knowledge if the same thing still happens even if it's two years later the relationship is over it's over this what I need you to understand humans have the ability to learn and adapt you should not be with someone that you are still telling the same thing to them you're telling them the same thing that you need from them that you've been telling them for five years or more it is over if you're still crying from her agony and pain after the five year mark you've got to do some serious work and that may mean realizing that it has ran its course and it is over what I'm telling you from experience from a healthy relationship with real love we've made a mistakes we don't make the mistakes I admit my mistakes and a lot of stuff that I do or that we do you might not agree with it oh I think you ought to be walking that dog you can help I you help with that dog listen okay if you want to do it in your household good me i'ma do it if I feel like doing it if I'm able to do it but that's the deal that I made on the compromise so understand that different relationships gonna have different issues so it may be you may come down to like the person say listen I love the Lord I serve Jesus like I read my Bible I prayed but I don't believe in sitting up under this man who I know ain't doing right by his wife and that may be the only church you know to go to so he said I'd rather have Church at home or she say I'd rather have Church at home then and in one believes in going into the church and one said look God could meet you at your house where two or three are gathered together in his name there he will be in the mist you may have a compromise like that that has to do with a nuance or caveat in a relationship that is not a deal-breaker but it's a healthy compromise understand that so what I'm saying is I'm not saying that after five years everything gonna be perfect I'm saying you're gonna have to make healthy compromises and you have to respect one another decisions and what each person needs from the relationship as long as what you are asking or what you are being asked is not asking you to compromise your self-worth or your self-respect or your beliefs your foundational beliefs understand that so a wake up and smell that folders in morning okay and really evaluate your past relationships if you single did you leave too late did you leave too soon did you leave right on time and then evaluate your future relationships if you single if you interrelationship evaluate that relationship and decide has it been too long have you ignored too many red flags is it time too has it ran its course because understand if a person is not changing for the better then you're not the one for them they're not the one for you because when love is in the Miss both people grow and get better not only for themselves but for their partner to be a better person for their partner so understand that it is Tony gasps god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 95,839

Rating: 4.933589 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: uaEmD0jUDo4

Length: 55min 34sec (3334 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 03 2020