How to get closure from a relationship?

hey Tony Gaskins here when topic up today wanted to pop in really quick and shooting live and I know a lot of people at work but I kind of shoot the live just so to make it away from me to record this so I'm not ever really expecting anybody that show up on the line so just understand that when I'm shooting but the topic of today is closure young lady asked me Tony can you talk about closure and how it hinders us from moving on in our relationships and it hit me because I hadn't really thought about that but I noticed that a lot in my line of work as a relationship coach I'm oftentimes talking to clients about closure and I haven't really had experience with a man or multiple men like countless men wanting closure from a relationship but I have dealt with countless women wanting closure from a relationship and I want to explain to you why so this is the thing when it comes to closure and this is the truth about closure so in a perfect world you would like to sit down and talk to a man and say hey you know please tell me how you feel what you're thinking and why you don't want this relationship what is the reason that you don't want this relationship what is the you don't want to be with me and that you can't see a future for us in a perfect world that's what you would want and in that you would want this man to open up and just pour out his heart and say you know the reason why that I can't see a future with us is because and sometimes that happens sometimes a man has come to the place in his life where he is mature he is no bullcrap he's serious about life he thinks about what he's sewing and knows that that determines what he will reap and that man can sit there and articulate himself and express to you why the relationship can't work the other part about this is that is not common and that does not oftentimes happen and so here's the reason why the reason why it does not oftentimes happen where you get closure from a relationship is because most men do not want to close the relationship most men don't want to give you closure because he want to leave the door open to come back in your life and that's what most women don't understand is that a man for the most part is flying by the seat of his pants he doesn't fully know what he wants in a woman and what he's looking for but he has a sense and he has a belief that when he sees her he will know she's the one that he would know this is what I'm looking for so what men do oftentimes is go through a relationship nitpicking looking for an excuse looking for a reason to say you're not going if he finds any kind of reason or even if he doesn't find that reason but on the side while he's weighing his options and he's looking other women and this is what happened most of the time there are exceptions to the rule on the side while he's dealing with these other women and he and and when I say dealing with these other women it doesn't mean that you all don't live together it doesn't mean that you're not fully in a relationship it doesn't mean that you're not married you could be in a relationship living together you could be all the way in and a man could be talking to women at his job or talking to women in the facebook inbox from college or from high school or Instagram or in its kind of social media snapchat where he can make it disappear so he may be talking to other women and building a friendship with them very slowly and because he's building on friendship and not on physical intercourse he may start to like this woman more than he likes you and so with that that man if he has not fully matured which is the case for a lot of men he will start to sabotage the relationship instead of just saying listen I'm not really all that into you and I can't be all that into you because I'm into this other woman or these other women instead of saying that he will start to sabotage the relationship and he'll be rude he'll be condescending he'll be short he'll be distant he'll just do little stuff he'll be argumentative he'll be controlling disrespectful and what he's trying to do in all of this is make you angry enough to leave and the reason why he's trying to make you angry enough to leave is because he doesn't want it to be on his conscience that he left so think about this and some of you have been through this and if you have put your story in the comments so people can know that I'm not crazy where are you going through a relationship and then all of a sudden the man start sabotaging relationship and being rude and in short and distant and condescending trying to push you away and then finally you find yourself in the corner and you're like look if I'm gonna respect myself at all I got to move on with my life so you move on with your life and the next thing you know you look up maybe a week a month two months you find out that he's with another woman he's dealing with another woman and then you're like whoa what's going on and in some of those cases he may still be reaching out to you hey how are you hey was thinking about you and you like what hold on you push me away like you've moved on are you with another one or why are you writing me and so he'll do that and you're like wow and where a lot of women find themselves that is like I want to sit down with this man and have a closure conversation and that's where you go wrong wanting to have closure and seeking closure and asking for closure and waiting on closure and begging for closure and expecting closure is what keeps you stuck that is what holds you what what keeps you stuck from learning new knowledge from growing from healing and from being open and aware of other opportunities other possibilities so when you are waiting on closure from a man you or a woman if it's a man just invert this information but it doesn't really apply all the same because women are typically okay with giving closure and having a closure conversation it's usually men who don't or don't have closure conversations or try to avoid it so what's happening is it's kind of like you're walking with your eyes closed so imagine being a woman and you're single but you don't have closure but you want closure and you're waiting on closure you're asking for closure you're asking or wondering or waiting to meet up at the coffee shop to sit and have this conversation or at the park and he's living his life and doing his thing and you're like why won't he just tell me why he doesn't want to be with me why won't he just tell me this makes no sense why can't you just be mature and just tell me why he doesn't want to be with me and so what happens is it blocks your receptors of being able to recognize other men it also puts a fog over you to where you look preoccupied you look distracted you look taken and so as you're meeting other men as when you shake a hand when you say hey to a man when you're dealing with these other guys they can tell something is not settled within her spirit like she feels like I feel a wall I feel a block and a man can sense that and so on your mind on one side you may be telling yourself okay if I meet my husband I'm ready to move on I'm ready to date someone else but on the other side you're saying like I wish I knew why this relationship didn't work out and I wish I had closure and so what's happening is you're putting that block up and the reason why he won't give you closure is because he needs that door to remain open so picture this closure is like leave a man leaving your home closing the door and not just locking it but changing the locks that's what closure is a man not really being clear and straightforward on if he wants to be with you if he'll ever come back if he can see you as a wife but just saying it's not the right time I don't know I feel like maybe we'll work in the future but I need time to grow I need time to myself you know I don't know what I'm feeling a man who gives you all those excuses that is equivalent to him leaving your home and leaving the door unlocked or locking it so that no other man can get in but keeping a key so that is why men don't give women closure on average typically there are exceptions to the rules some of you have stories oh my god gave me closure you had a great conversation good like vilify you go cook but that is not how it happens often and and the next thing that goes into this which probably as a whole other video which um yup you shoot down another video so let's just keep it here and understand this and I'm gonna pop back on live and shoot well I might do that tomorrow but I just reminded I got another video video for y'all something I created called a black book syndrome and you know y'all therapists and y'all counselors don't try to take that right there and if you google and it's already out that somebody heard me said and then put it in a book but it's what I call a black book syndrome and that is on the other side that comes after the no closure man the man who won't give you closure so here is the solution to this give yourself closure stop waiting on stop waiting for permission for closure stop waiting for an explanation for closure stop waiting to sit down and have coffee or lunch or dinner or to meet up at the park or at your place or at his place to have a closer conversation stop waiting on that and you give your self closure by saying listen if he does not want to be here I am moving on with my life if he doesn't want to be with me be all the way in not one foot in one foot out be all the way in be 100% committed be 100% exclusive to me I am closing the door and I'm changing the locks so he cannot get back in and I might even move places so he doesn't even know where I live at and I'm speaking metaphorically here but you have to give yourself closure because truthfully if a man moves on with his life and he doesn't give you closure verbally but he's not in your life physically actively daily every day then that is your closure that is him telling you I know you're not the one but I don't want to tell you that because I want you to stay stuck and stagnant and be confused because if I can leave you discombobulated and confused then I can go and play with her her her and her and see if I like any of them and if I can deal with any of them see if any one of them jump off the page that's my life and if one of them jump off the page as my wife you'll never hear from me again but if none of them jump off the page as my wife I will come trickling back in your life a big head hey miss you how are you hey what's up miss you've been thinking about you do you think we can get coffee song we can you want to get together and go to dinner would love to sit and chat with you and catch up a lot of men will come back like that and act like nothing has happened and you're like what in the world I've been sitting here stressing every day wondering what this man is doing wondering why he never told me why we didn't work out asking him begging him for closure and he's just living his life and then all of a sudden out of the blue he comes strolling back up asking can we go somewhere for coffee what in the world and that was all intentional and the problem with these type of men and if you're a man and you've gotten to this point of this video with a lot of men to cut that's all cuz just telling too much truth and giving away the game breaking the man law but if you're a man that you've got to this point the problem with leaving a woman in who's done nothing wrong to you who who nothing is really bad about her and you know she could be a wife but you're just being greedy to see if you can get more in a woman like a woman with bigger this or better that or more this or more that and you just trying to be greedy the problem with that is no one will ever be good enough and and the other problem is that you're creating soul ties with all of these women so that you are incapable of giving one woman 100% so every woman you meet you're giving her 50 to 70 percent at best 70 percent at best so being that you're only given 70 percent you cannot build a real relationship you cannot build something that is real so that is why you have to keep going back to your ex because you have a soul tie and you're not healing this whole time breaking this whole time working on the soul time by giving that woman closure giving yourself closure and then having a resolve in yourself and getting clarity in yourself of who you are as a man who you are as a man and what you are looking for in a woman instead you just fly by the seat in your pan and you don't know who you are so therefore you don't know who you're really looking for and so therefore you can't give anyone 100% of you so you cannot appreciate and respect when they give when she gives you 100% of her so now everybody is losing so now everybody is losing and you keep getting a piece of these women heart and dragging their heart along and then what's gonna happen is is you're gonna meet your match this what's gonna happen which I'm out to do this and a whole nother video because some people read this title might not even get to this part of the video but what's going to happen to y'all men that's dragging women's hearts putting a string around river women heart and dragging across the concrete and just latching it on to your belt and you got 10 hearts dragging from your belt raping across the concrete in the glass as you're going to collect other hearts from other women the lack that onto your belt because you want notches in your belt because you still immature because you're still a grown boy because you're not taking the time to learn to grow it to heal and some of y'all screen record this part right here and send this to your ex I'll send this to your situation ship that's playing games don't even understand what he needs to do with his life and so what's gonna happen to you man is you're gonna keep playing around and then guess what guess what and you're gonna be the Savage you're gonna be the one who has had enough of men like you and this woman gonna be so seductive and so beautiful and look so perfect and she's gonna suck you in she gonna suck you for everything you got all of your money your car your credit half of everything she might even let you marry her with the sole plan that she's gonna leave in five years with half of you cuz she don't want you she wants somebody else she want to keep climbing the ladder and the reason why she is that way is because she's been used she's been abused she's been dogged out she's been mistreated and now she has adapted to the game instead of being a sheep amongst wolves she's become a wolf and she's become the biggest the baddest and the smartest wolf in the pack and she's getting ready to devour you because you actually are sheep in wolves clothes and she is a wolf in sheep's clothing and that's what happened to the men and and you know what's happening because of what I just explained this is what's producing this uh mid-tower movement and I only know what that stands for but you men online who seem to be hating women and they hate women and they just want to be by yourself and they want a Down marriage and down women it's because of what I just said it's because they playing around going from woman to woman heart to heart looking for the wrong things not knowing who they are and just looking for a woman for her looks and her beauty and her body and end up meeting the wrong woman because they're looking for the wrong thing because I don't know who they are and then get that woman and that woman dissing her coming just that woman cheat on him that woman let him pay for every dinner let him buy her a car let him buy a house then divorce him and then she getting a house in the divorce so here for this woman who were broke buster disgusted probably scamming credit card to look like she was established probably scamming women other women online who are not alpha females like her and taking their money her fake life coaching and her fake seminars and taking all day money and then get this man who looking for the wrong things and and who have dog now so many good women and didn't get this woman boom and this woman taking for everything he worth and then now he come online to join a movement of men hate women because his heart got crushed because he didn't know who he was he didn't know what he wanted and he was looking for women for the wrong reasons they're looking for the wrong thing in women a understanding feeling that's not hated Tony gasps and y'all remember this hit the subscribe button and also don't get mad at me when I'm kneeling here posting all these video cuz I got to do it when I could do it but sometimes my life hit where I can't post a whole month but I want to have enough content where if you come looking for them and I'm not here you didn't miss 10 videos boy hey god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 79,366

Rating: 4.9465818 out of 5

Keywords: how to get closure, how to get closure from a relationship, tony gaskins live stream, tony gaskins, life coach tony gaskins, relationship advice, relationship closure, closure in a relationship, why don't men give closure

Id: MmSxGfSzr_w

Length: 21min 5sec (1265 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 31 2019