How to move on?

hey hey Tony Gaskins here want to talk to you today about moving on now I get this question over and over again in different ways and the way it happens is someone will say you know how do you get over someone you've been with for seven years but you don't have children together then someone will say how do you get over someone you were married to for 15 years and you have three children together how do you get over someone you were with for ten years and you have a child together for years so it's like everybody's trying to get over someone but it's all different scenarios and yes sometimes it can be a little different but at the end of the day it's still the same steps you take so whether you're leaving after one year or 50 years you still have to take the same steps you just may have to do it a little bit more intensely if you were with that person longer then the other key factor is you have to ask yourself you know how toxic was the relationship so if it was like your normal kind of arguing disagreements just kind of you know getting into it type stuff you know that is every relationship that happens a lot now if it was you know knock-down drag-out like it was really really bad like crying every day if you went through you know police involvement different stuff like that like it got really intense to where you know blood sweat and tears all three then that's when you know it was super intense in a different way and that's when you have to intensify the measures that you take to move on so here's the thing the first thing you're gonna have to you won't be able to stop your your mind from working you won't be able to stop your brain from working and you shouldn't you shouldn't so you're gonna think about your ex all the time all the time randomly intentionally you're gonna think about your ex that's just a part of it no matter what you're doing you can be reading a book you can be listening to a book you can be listening to this video watching this video you're gonna think about your ex you could be in church you could be on the toilet you could be laying down and go to sleep it can wake you up out of a dream you could have a dream about your ex it's just the way the mind works the mind replays situations and scenarios that you've gone through and especially where there was a chemical release from the brain so when you were extremely happy when you were extremely mad when you were extremely sad depressed that it's the moment in your in your life in your brain your brain took that it felt it it had a response to it that went through your bloodstream and it was etched in your memory good bad or indifferent that's just the way the brain works so you're going to remember it now here's the thing the mistake that people make is trying to numb it so some people will try to you know numb it what just staying busy all the time just staying busy all the time and that's it's good to be busy but you also want to be productive you want to be moving the right way some people will see how throw that hand out there like this this one somebody got something new they want you to see that this old air made bracelet my wife bought me in London so I had to do like this and hold it right there so you could get a good look at it and so some people they want you to you know they want to stay busy they want to be busy all the time just non-stop but they're not being productive so you have to understand that you have to make sure that you're not just being busy just to try to block it out your mind because at the end of the night you can't be busy you can't be busy so you don't want to try to numb it with any type of substance you know a lot of times people they've tried something in their life and they know the effects of it and what it does to the brain and how it just kind of you know sends you into you know another world another planet and so you want to use that that's not going to help you because yes you see that's what I call running from it instead of running through it so this what you have to realize you may let's say you have nothing to do today and your X comes up on your mind you may think about your X all day long but when you think about your X you have to talk to yourself coach yourself remind yourself of why you left remind yourself of what you did wrong it's what I call watching the game film you play it in the game the football game on Sunday soccer game lacrosse game whatever game on Monday you sit down you take the film and you go through the film you see every play that you were a part of what you did right what you did wrong if anything what you need to change the next before the next game you watch the game film and so as you're thinking about your ex that is watching the game film so if if you're thinking about your ex you literally should be there and like you know what when he yelled at me in that third month that was month three and he yelled at me and it was for no reason now you sitting by yourself you ain't on following me you ain't about this this is what you doing by yourself it was for no reason I should have known then and and I froze I remember just freezing like whoa are you yelling and I thought it was kind of cute I thought it was a little sexy I'm like wow okay got that in you okay I like that right then I should have checked him I said the check to him and said do not raise your voice at me you see I'm saying that's what I mean by watching the game film now have you ever done that not yes right now you looking watching me do it you gonna say if somebody catch me doing that they're gonna think I'm crazy they very well me my wife catch me doing it all the time not game film with an ex but I just be talking to myself I'd be talking to myself and she'll she'll walk in talking to someone and now it's the inside joke with us cuz she catch me doing all the time mm-hmm Wow slavery held you down for hundred years huh you got emancipated like I'll be talking about something and then I walked into the room and she'd been sitting there listening and she'll pick up on my conversation but hey that's how I train my brain that's how I exercise my mind you know that's that's how I could come on here and I could talk for an hour be quick with it just just you know just going because I talk to myself you gotta talk to yourself because what you're doing when you're talking to yourself you are healing that situation so it's kind of like when you coating a website or video game that's what your brain is doing its coding so it's coding your life your experiences it's going through and it's itching it in there and it's exiting into your long-term memory every time you think about it so when you take and you stop it and you address it and you say what you should have done in that moment you just recall that experience because now you turn it from a mistake into a lesson it was a mistake but if you don't address the mistake it remains the mistake and then guess what you'll do the same thing again and so you're going to your next relationship and it'll just be dead yah-hoo and you'd be like whoa I've gone through this before and you'll handle the same way you handle it the first time if you didn't watch the game film so you'll get yelled at again but in the next time he might yell at you on day 30 instead of day 90 and you're like oh you got that in you hmm that's a little sexy you do the same as that thing you did the first time but if you watch the game film and you talk to yourself and you saw what you did wrong and what you should have done the next time you go through it you it's gonna vary : don't you ever raise your voice at me you're gonna be like whoa and then guess what now as you watch the game film the first time you taught yourself what you should have done so you go through the scenarios so you say don't you ever raise your voice at me then you go through okay you picture him I'm gonna yell at you you don't tell me what to do who do you think you are so you go through that that maybe didn't even happen but you go through that and then you picture yourself a lot more remote oh here you go ah yes um I'm at 1 2 3 main street can you send an officer over here and immediately everything is under control but I need officer over here right now yes I can wait while you're online and then you go through that so you saw that in the vision so this how you gonna help he put hands on you boom it's date 90 what are you doing don't call the police but you saw what it happen so you go through the scenarios see this the thing a lot of times we fear the unknown because we have not singing but when you see it you no longer have to fear it so they don't give you my own training and this I test myself in every area this high stay faithful to my wife I go through every type of test a woman could possibly put me through every type of scenario a woman could possibly put me through and then I see myself succeeding and I see myself failing and when I see myself succeed I know the feeling when I see myself fail I look at the results I see myself in divorce court I see myself visiting my sons on the weekend I see myself my wife being stone-cold with me I see me losing everything my brand my company just my mind so I walk through the process so you know what that helps me stay faithful because I've seen the other side see you have to see the other side you don't have to go sit there watch the game film get a lesson from it when you get the lesson from your mistakes and now some things if you don't know love and relationships you new here you might need to hit the subscribe button so you could stay here but if you don't know love relationships you might not know where you made a mistake and that's what I'm doing on on a session with a client is we going through that whole relationship my client might be talking 40 minutes and I'm taking notes as he or she is talking and I'm taking notes and then I'm saying okay so when this happened what did you do and then the client may be like I didn't do anything it caught me off guard I just didn't expect it I said okay that's that's where you went wrong now you you realize that now wow I didn't realize that was wrong but now that you say that yeah I realized that was wrong I should have I should have checked him on that and I say so the fact that you didn't you reinforce that behavior you strengthen his language in that area he became more fluent in verbal abuse from that incident right there or physical or emotional he became more fluent speaking that language because you were inactive you didn't respond to it in the right way so you reinforced it in the negative way and we go through that now it's extant of mine and you saw the game film next game you're gonna get it right so you have to go through this how are you this is how you get over your ex this is how you move on and see what you gotta realize is it's all just retraining your brain and you're not running from it you're running through it and so this is the thing when you it's kind of like anything you do when you do it over and over and over and over and over and over eventually you get tired of it eventually you get tired of it so here you are and that's what a lot of people call burnout so when you think about your ex over and over and over you think about the situation over and over and over eventually it's going to build strength and you coaching yourself and consoling yourself through it sometimes you may have an accountability partner that's okay and they're gonna speak life into you they're gonna speak wisdom into you and they're gonna help you heal sometimes you may not you may have to do it alone but you keep going through it you keep going through it and as you process it it may always be there it may always sting a little bit but I always say if you're doing the work your day 70 will not be like your day seven seventy will not be like seven what I mean by that is on day seven you may be curled up in the fetal position but if you do the work you're thinking about it you're going through it you getting new knowledge you're coaching yourself you're watching the videos you read in the books or listening to the books you you being your spirit positivity you're listening to good music you're watching good stuff on television on YouTube and you doing that by day 70 you're gonna be in a much different place than you were in on day seven and that's what you gotta realize so that's what you're doing mentally that's the mental work that you're doing now in the physical you have to be able to create separation if you've taken a soul science course on Tony Gaston Academy comm you already heard this and I dimension this in other videos too but I know some people see certain videos and not others so I'm gonna go back through it you have to look at the severity of the relationship and you gotta cut ties now here's the thing if it was extremely bad then you may cut ties with the person and also cut ties with all of their friends and all of their family if it was extremely bad and you need to heal with a quickness if it was extremely bad then you may not only have to stop contacting and being contacted you may have to block their phone number and don't answer any number that's not in your phone I never understood that people say well people say you know I blocked his phone number but he keeps calling me from other phone numbers I'm like you answer the phone I guess I didn't dealt with too many bill collectors in my life the answer numbers that's not in my phone and so maybe you ain't never had no bill collector you answer every phone call I'd never understood that because me myself and I I'm not answering the phone if that number is not in my phone already so you're gonna have to go to a peer the way you stopped answering the phone if it's not in your contact list and let them leave a message because understand that could be your ex trying to call you or you know when I said anybody phone call that's not in your phone if their family member calls you don't answer it let them leave a voicemail if their mutual friend if their friend calls you or y'all's mutual friend calls you don't answer it let them leave voicemail and that's what happens sometimes are you trying to cut somebody off or you've cut somebody off they'll have mutual people call you and to see if you answer their phone call then they know oh you answering phone calls you just ain't answer in mind and that mutual person may or may not mention the person who told them to call and check on you and so that's all toxic it's all toxic it's just that lets you know you dealing with a special kind of individual that you need to stay far away from going about your business because they know ain't nothing wrong with you but they sending other people to call you that's when you know you're dealing with what y'all like the label with their word y'all like lose y'all like to use okay now understand this he'll know so when you cut these ties it just depends so if you look at your relationship and you put it on it you could grade it on a scale of 1 to 10 10 was absolute the absolute worse then you have a different grading scale so for a 1 to a 4 or 1 to 5 you may say I'm gonna stop answering his texts or her texts or phone calls and I'm not gonna talk to mutual friends or their family members for at least 30 days now see if you got a 6 through 10 you may say Orlov maybe like a 6 through 8 you may say I'm going to not talk to my ex not solve the mutual friends or their family my ex period mutual friends and mutual family three months now you make this up for yourself I'm just kind of walking you through this you come up with your own little terms and timelines now let's say you got a 9 through 10 9 or 10 at that point you may say I'm gonna block my ex and for good and I'm cutting off his or her family and his or her friends for good and I'm gonna block them and I'm unfriending on Facebook everybody connected to him and I'm blocking I'm unfollowing on Instagram everybody connected to him and so in some cases it may be you unfollowing unfriending in other cases you may be unfriended am blocking unfollowing and blocking and then when you start to see his pose for people he knows posts on your popular page you just clicked on the three dots you know when you're looking at the picture they got the little three dots at the bottom right here or at the top I'm shooting on the phone so I can check and you click it and there to say see fewer posts like this cuz every nine then on my popular page I have booties all down Buddha's and I'm like it's this from me looking at or rappers you know you know how to have all the rappers they be talking they be saying stuff and I'm like why is this on my page cuz I want to follow my wife and my two sons and my mentor on Instagram so I have to click on the post and I click it and click see fewer posts like this anything that's gonna defile my spirit that's gonna disrupt my spirit I'm see fewer posts like this so that's what you got to do if it's certain pages that's just a quote some keep making you think about your ex in a negative way see fewer posts like this if it ain't helping you heal helping you grow see fewer posts like this on Facebook I think they got a Heidi's post for elbow high this person posts forever mute this person they got all kind of stuff Oh cut my TV on I was calling her calling officer and cut my TV on never so understand this you have to do this now here's the biggest question that always comes and it's not rocket science is Tony what do I do if we have children together you do the same thing you do the same thing it's just that y'all only have to have one line of communication and that is about the child but here's the thing if the relationship was like a 8 through 10 in toxicity like really bad then you are not the contact now if you don't feel safe with your child being with them you let the course know that you keep your child and let the course make you and and let this person that you know is sorry and toss it they probably not even gonna go through with holding you could tempt accord and going Accord to get you in and consuming the court and all that so if they're not gonna do all that then you just keep your child don't be giving your child to them if you don't feel they're gonna be safe and healthy and in a good space so understand that now if everything is copasetic y'all decent y'all cordial y'all only talking about the child that's it no conversation not how you doing what you've been up to you seeing anyone new none of that little Johnny's doing great here's his note from school little Sally doing great here's her note from school just like that if it gets to a place to where it's super bad you bring in reinforcements your best friend your mama your brother your uncle your cousin they become the mediator they become the contact for your ex to call to set up the meeting of picking up their child and they go to a mutual place I've been noticing people doing pickups and drop-offs at the parking lot of Walgreens CVS parking a lot of McDonald's yes I've been noticing couples doing pickups and drop off something like my video that common sense because you know I would think that one person would be driving to the other person house and pulling up in the driveway and then they walking out the child but they need people meeting up at a parking lot so I'm guessing that's the way y'all already do it you know I have not been through that situation so I'm just using without my sense on this from dealing with toxic relationships as a relationship coach so that's what you go through and you remember you always can escalate it if the situation is very toxic and it's draining you escalate your measures on what you need to do so if you need to pass it off and put it on somebody else to be the mediator to pick up and drop off person then that's what you do and when you do that the other person if data talks when they may say ain't gonna talk to your momma ain't talking to nobody but my child but you if I can't talk you ain't talking about it all right bye we'll be just fine we'd be better off without till toxic crazy behind going about your bidding bye see you later again you scare nobody ain't nobody mad but you not want to talk to my mom or my sister whoever owned this Hill situation but you got the good riddance good riddance but a lot of times they're gonna go ahead and talk to that person and when they talk to that person they may try to throw you under the bus I really want to get back with her you know I just don't know what happened and they maybe not if he talked dark and handsome your mom or your sister whoever may start to believe so you might want to use your brother he your brother might start to believe it some people so conniving so sneaky so manipulative they can get anybody to believe them and they gonna do it they gonna sell it and now if you gotta look crazy in you whoever you called in they know you gotta look crazy in you too so they know you ain't innocent so that's gonna make them believe your ex even more so you like you know maybe y'all should work it out maybe y'all should give it a try you know if people have gone through so much worse and you're gonna hear all that you gotta know for yourself that you know it's time to move on you have been through enough you're then tried at all you try to get coaching you try to read books together you try to watch youtube videos together you try to go to seminars retreats nothing work you got to move on with your life when you know you got to move on don't listen to nothing no detractors no distractions and just going about your business and you got to implement the system that's going to work for you understand that so now listen these are the things that you doing physically use your common sense okay use your common sense implement your plan that works for you it can be a variation of this what I'm talking about it doesn't have to be this specifically okay so you made unfollow on Instagram but you may not want to block alright don't block you may wanna block okay block you may not want to block the phone number cuz you want to see just how crazy or Excel just how many times they call it just how many times they texting you may want to see it and with them chasing you and doing that every call every text message for you might be like a vitamin it might be like a vitamin if you and are London a vitamin might be like a vitamin that is empowering you and you like oh yeah I must got it they chasing me and that may empower you and so you got to see what fits best for you you're an adult you have agency over your life you have to see what fits best for you now understand this I should not have to say this but of course through all of this you get a new knowledge understand this now what you got to understand is that we have to pay a price for success and we have to pay a price for failure so what that means is if something is gonna cost you something is gonna cost you I remember I bought a car one that said a dream car but it was a sports car and this was probably five years ago or more the car you know retail $160,000 right I get the car I just went and got it one day just feeling Jess whoa I like I own reward myself you know I'm in my home office why she took the back half of my office and turned into a walk-in closet I called myself mad about that oh you take my office nine it turned out to be perfect so she teased me all the time night you see little perfect cuz it's that office if you still had all that room behind you this thing be echoing so bad so our room is were over here and so she took and had them put this wall up right here but my dish was a bedroom that go back further she took you know by this much space of it from from this desk to this wall a little while back that much space maybe a little wider and she got a walk-in closet that's the length of you know from over there from that wall all the way over here to this wall with her love shelves up and all that right so I got mad by that ain't got nothing ain't got nothing try you know it's an air ninety I catch my lot out to try to try to be normal you know I've like yeah a lot of people have arguments sometimes we didn't really argue you know what imma do some for me I'm gonna get me a car I went and got the car and the car looked good you know went in my son school pull it up on the parking stop the car low to the ground you know the sports car low to the ground the car low to the ground pull it up over the parking stop went to back up the parking stop pull it off mcgrill pull it in front bottom grill-off went to the dealer they say yeah it's gonna be 1,500 I say what driving down the road hit a pothole boom bent my wheel called the wheel people yeah that wheel is gonna run you five thousand what I say there is a cost for our choices it's a cost to success it's a cost of failure so I say that to say when you trying to heal a lot of time we want to escape scot-free we want to just do what we want to do and we don't want to have to pay no price no it's maintenance cost you got in order to make guess what this video right here costing you time let's say you get this book pin on what you got where you got it when you got it that could be thirty dollars let's say you get this book that might be another fifty no that's $45 let's say you get this book that's $60 let's say you get this book nine you at $90 you had $90 right now let's say you say man look I need full session with because I don't watch these videos every day and that's what it's gonna help me get through sessions is 275 dollars so 250 times folk that's a thousand dollars 25 times four is a hundred that's eleven hundred dollars for sessions is $1100 now I have people who do a session every month so if they do twelve sessions in a year you see what I'm saying there is a cost to your success and it's a cost fulfilling what I mean by that is you have to be okay with the pain of the lessons sometimes people they sometimes people say well I don't want to have to break my lease you know this relationship is terrible but I don't want to have to break my lease okay what that's the lease I don't want to hurt my credit what so you rather lose your life - etosha relationship because he even if the person don't send you to your grave you increase your chances of dying by natural causes from the stress of a toxic relationship about 300 to 500 percent there's been studies that say the worst form of stress on the body is relationship related stress worse than death related stress losing a family member work-related stress family related stress parenting related stress the worst form of stress friendship related stress think about is you know mental stress with a friend who turn out to be crooked or selfish or greedy lying backbiting backstabbing you know been through stuff with family members where your mama she's nasty and just ruling spiteful your daddy abandon meant whatever work-related you can't stand your boss your stomach turn you got to sit in your car and pray and cry for you go into work deaf related stress your loss of bestfriend loss of family member mother father worse than all of those stressors is a relationship stress a toxic relationship stress if you have ever been in a toxic relationship then you know it hurts worse then every other thing I just mentioned you know it hurts worse because it may linger longer see you could lose a family member but you say are they gone to a better place you may hurt you you may cry but eventually you say they're going to a better place they've been removed from the pain in this world and you can console yourself but when you in a toxic relationship there is no consolation you just hurting you crying your stomach hurting you'll hear her and guess what you are trimming your life shorter so what you got to understand is that you can't you should not be complaining by watching a video for hour when you're trying to heal your heart you should not be complaining about what it's gonna cost you to get transferred from your job to your job in another city or another part of town or again transfer from one department to another department because your ex is your coworker you shouldn't be complaining about having to move apartment complexes or change churches because your ex lives there or goes there listen to love is to gamble when you try to love and you try to get into a relationship you take an account and when you gamble guess what you lose more than you win and if you keep going back to sometimes you end up losing it all the same applies to love and relationships you may lose a house an apartment a car a job a church family a friend a best friend you may lose some things when you leave a relationship that's all a part of the process you have to embrace that pain you have to embrace that struggle because it's going to make you wiser it's going to make you stronger and it is preparing you for greater because without the rain you can't appreciate the sunshine without the pain you can't appreciate the praise you can't appreciate the process you can't appreciate the prize so you have to understand that it's gonna be painful when you healing it is going to be payment it's intended to be painful but pain is a healing agent I remember when a man told a story about his son who his pain sensors did not work in his brain so he would run to the hot stove and soon in the stove beat he'll run and open the stove and stick his hand in there to get it cookie to get the cookie that just that his mom was cooking and he hurt stole shin here he beat her to it reaching up who put a hand on that hot cookie come on hand burn start to blister up start to blister up he couldn't feel it he didn't have pain sensors in his hand and because of that the body would not start to heal the body wouldn't heal so where this was starting to heal for another person in a week two weeks it's starting to heal for him it'll be a month two months because the body the brain did not feel it so it could not he because when the brain feels the pain it sends a signal to the body send the healing send the scalp we need the scalp we need to we need the blood the put that film over there know where to stop bleeding okay next we need the scalp to come all right we need that scalp to get stronger stronger stronger stronger stronger okay Vince that step don't fall off okay now we need to redo the skin right there okay we may have a scar here ladies and gentlemen but we got to go we got to get there all right and now let's scar all right let's keep adding more skin more skin more skin more skin we need to protect this area that's what the brain is doing we need to protect this area okay now we got a scar but the skin is there it's thicker than before it may not be as pretty as it was the first time sir but we got you covered that's what the brain is doing see guess what in order to heal it you got the feeling pain is a healing agent when you admit what you went through hurt when you admit what you felt means something and when you start to address it and do the work that's when you start to heal so understand this you got to stop looking for shortcuts oh you thought might we need coaching but Joe is it anyway you could do a discount on your session because 2005 anybody got in 2010 right oh oh but you got tory burch slice and fol different colors oh but you got all the Michael Kors purses oh you got all your coach purses and you want me to do what that did you ask my course for a discount when you went and get that 300 purse okay all right now let me ask you now that bag of the pass shoes that you got how much did that help you heal from that relationship okay how many videos did it do to help you get over that relationship okay okay what did this what did that bag say to you about the man you trying to get over okay you see what I'm saying we want to take short cuts I say man you know I want to lead the streets I want to start hustling being I hear nice treats trying to get fast money and I want to tap it to my gills I want to tap it to my gills I want to learn how to be a real man you know what I did Haddy my paws in the room we had a pause back in Patti right here till Asia got on YouTube just like this right here ten hours a day some people write me in the comments can't you make your videos shorter you ain't gonna get no well you ain't gonna heal I used to be just like this I'd be at work somebody come talk to me would say okay y'all got you mm-hmm well I worked like this right here ten hours a day ten hours a day I'm listening to speakers the main one I used to really love with Zig Ziglar I would listen signal all day long just learning just getting knowledge gained knowledge I get off del when ain't listen down I'm talking to my daddy just getting knowledge again now listen to audiobooks on read books I listen to books because where my brain work I read the same line three four times so I can't read a book very painful funny so I listened to the book to the Bible to the book I listened off ten hours you see what I'm saying I did the work so people say Tony how did you chain I say when you ever fed yourself knowledge ten hours a day by audio when you ever did that okay you can't expect my results when have you showed up and done the work every single day to build your brand you showed up when you ever since 17 tweets a day when you sent 17 tweets a day motivating others when you sent when you posted for motor votes motivational poster day on Facebook for a day seven days a week when you did that when you did an hour video a day on YouTube an hour a day seven days a week when you did that okay you can't expect my results you see I'm saying so what I'm saying to you is you sent a toner I want to make it work Tony I wanna have a woman's influence how many sessions you did how many books you didn't read or listen to I'm in a video unit consumed okay you you can't expect the results me and my wife got if you ain't willing to go through no pain if you need willing to the sacrifice if you're willing to do what it takes to do is you need willing to break that lease and move you ain't you don't want healing you don't want change you need willing to change churches you don't want to grow you you ain't willing to go on my mentor that life and book a session with a coach the coach could be $25 hours you don't gotta kind of blood session with me ain't saying going to dead ain't saying you know skip your bills hey Danny what I'm saying it's coach on that 25 35 $4 is people complaining about that but guess what you can't grow unless you sacrifice some some gonna cost you time or money and that's what you're gonna have to invest in your time and/or your money to get the knowledge that you need to get the wisdom that you need and the help build the strength that you need to move forward and you're gonna need an accountability partner you're gonna need somebody that's gonna hold you accountable it might be a video it might be me talking to you for free so you don't have to bother your friend stress her out or him out you don't have to bother your mother your father whoever but you getting the new knowledge and see that's the thing we want something for nothing we say oh I want to heal but I can't listen to a video for our oh I want to heal but I can't do this oh I want to heal but I can't invest in myself to start my own business that started my blog to start my coaching bid and start helping other people from my mistakes from my pain from my the lessons I learned from this toss relationship I could be helping other women other men but ain't I can't make that investment in myself you don't want to change you really don't want to move on see something this was this was a lot of people do it you got to make sure this ain't you and I don't notice this a lot of people have come book a session of coaching just to say that they did some work but they was already made up in their mind that they were not gonna leave that person or they were gonna go back to that person before the session even happening they just did it just to go through the motions to Pat myself on the back to say hey I did it hey I did it but we end up back together you ain't do it you didn't want to change you didn't want to get over your ex so see a lot of time what a person to do they'll come and tell you the whole story about the ex they come in to tell you the whole story just so that date because when they tell the story they feel like they did something about it they because they emptied it they emptied it out on you but then they go back to the person because they felt like they did something about it when they went and told somebody they went and talked about it and so I should see that all the time obviously there all the time and I shot a video ain't posted oh um the one-minute video for Instagram and it was talking about like you know basically what I was saying is stop stressing yourself about somebody else relationship start getting high and low and mad and angry when you trying to help somebody you know leave a tossed relationship and they keep coming dumping the whole story on you dumping all their feelings and you look up a month later they write back with that person stop more everybody stop earning you could be there but don't don't don't take it personal and the reason why I said that because I used to go through that with my little sister irony and I could literally be doing life today and I went through with some of the stuff she had me thing to do over god that she was getting ready to go back I remember one time I was out there and I went to a guy to get here to to do a drive-by on my sister baby that and and Jeff we're gonna spray up his house and guess what anything could happen but see that's what I would do that's the mindset that I was in and what I would do for somebody I love and that's why I had come from I had went into that I had seen that I had seen cousins and friends do the same thing for people they loved just like what you see on the movie that comes from real life and so imagine today right now today meet caring about my sister's relationship no other baby daddy the first one then from high school because she just had long-term relationships so she wasn't sleeping around but she'll be with this guy for five years and get pregnant behind and she'll be with this guy five years seven years get pregnant by but it started when she was 16 so that's gonna add up the first guy he was six five six six I seen him I come out the shirt swear up we got down fighting good man what a good man would've draw up me what did the man would have caught me one time in the temple I could not be here today I might not be here today didn't the second guy what if I water if the guy went to get the scrap front what it gave it to me he just kind of laughed at me no man come on night II don't know man I don't know come on I will handle this another way but out there serious I was all the way committed locked in and after that I learned my lesson I say you know what and she went back to him I said you know what never again never again and I started telling my mom and dad I said listen you might lose your daughter one day to these types of relationship but I don't care now I'm not helping no mold ain't doing nothing and I remember one time and this the thing a lot of people say they want to change it don't want to change and I was sacrificing sacrificing sacrificed one time she tell me she don't it boy she need to move she want to go somewhere I paid 1,500 to 2,500 dollars to move her from one apartment to another apartment think I'm doing a DV rescue when I say DV damask it DV read I think I'm doing a DV rescue it 130 days she had a boy living in apartment yeah I paid for her for her to get into Wow five heart you hit me so now since then and this will probably five six seven years ago since then I don't do nothing she dealing with a man own approval I don't do nothing tell don't bring him around me I don't wanna meet him don't want to see him and just straight like that and she know that I'm real but with mine she know anything I say she know I talk about it another told I talk about on my video she knows she did kind of my seminars and I'm talking about it cuz I tell I tell the story are you real life story and this is a real life story for me and I say this so that you understand that I haven't seen it I'm gonna turn it all your relationships I don't seen it all what I have not done I have seen it but anything I ain't done I don't have been through every type of relationship you can have though from the worse and now I got the best the absolute best relationship in the world is exist in this household and I believe that I believe it I don't believe nobody in the world got a better relationship than me and my wife but guess what I had to earn it I had to earn it I had to go through all the worse I had to see the worst I told my sister last night and this morning because she's single she's single a mother of three on their own business I put it in position to get our own business got our own business making good money now living in a nice house nice neighborhood but she's single with three kids it's hard being a single mom when you got kids because now this are the man who coming in you don't know what they're coming in for because they don't see an advantage for them so you don't know if they come to live off you cuz you got a good job making good money and you got your own place to stay and they need some help or they just want to sleep with you then leave so you won't know when you lead that relationship when you break free and you get free of that toxic hole that's when you got to go into the knowledge that's why you got to get the knowledge that's why you got to cut all ties so that you can see straight you can see clearly you can hear clearly and you can be fed your spirit can be fed and then when your spirit is fed and you get this knowledge now when you move forward you able to peek game a whole lot sooner a whole lot faster you could peek the game you say I know what you here for got to go got to go yeah I'm saying so think about this not because I noticed I noticed it's a lot of a lot of women I hid looking like who shot John I forgot to kill broke busted and disgusted over a no-good sorry man big man don't deserve the drawers he got on and you stressing over them crying over and you back and forth finish like he could say anything do anything and you back and forth in his life listen it's time to move on it's time to move on it's time to put your feet girl panties on and going grow up blow up and go about your business get the knowledge you need you got the experience you need you need to analyze it and you need to make a mental note you need to decide on strengths decided to go and change and grow and then get the gun and when you get the going don't look back don't look back now I cannot imagine more than three people made it to this point but if you got help but be blessed I made and I realized better see by three comments and but I'm just curious to know who really doing the work who real I heard doing the work it is Tony Gaston god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 122,240

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Id: bh5AkYR25m0

Length: 55min 34sec (3334 seconds)

Published: Mon May 18 2020