How to know he’s not ready?

hey it's only guys ones here popping in you know one answer this question common question get it a lie and that is how to know he's ready now I want you to understand this and you got to think about this holistically all around the board think about a man any man you know think about your brother your uncle your father your male cousins have you ever seen a man make a goal something that he wants and he's like I just gotta get a pickup truck ever real man has a pickup truck I just got to get this job well I just got to get this degree well I got to lose this weight oh I gotta be able to do this you ever seen a man set a goal if you have every man that you've ever seen set a goal we'll accomplish that goal unless it's some outside you know things going on like some habits and stuff he has that's hindering him but other than that men get what they want out of life because that's just the weight of mind works that's the way life works and so I need you to understand that when you think about a man guess what there's never really been a woman that a man truly wants that he cannot get and maybe you've experienced it maybe you've seen it a lot of times you may see this guy who maybe looks challenged he maybe looks challenged he may be financially challenged he may be height challenged he may be weight challenged but if he sets his mind on getting this woman he gets her eventually he gets she may have the guy that she's attracted to but then that guy cheats on her dogs are out and then here's this guy you know look ugly and he's there and she falls for him because he's listening he's caressing her he's talking tour he's not coming on tour he's just spending time but she called him little ugly when she talking to her friends you know and she like you know I'm dealing with this guy over here who I'm really attracted to but he's no good but then I'm over here talking a little ugly and he just the sweetest thing in the world he treated me right girl you know I'm tired of chasing these kind of men and you just hump in the give the other a chance and the next thing you know he's sitting over there he's waiting in the wings boom he gets up so I need you to understand these few things about man that you really don't see me and fail you when you see men who are billionaires you're not opposed to look like Mark Martin Zuckerberg Bill Gates Warren Buffett Jeff Bezos Brian Brian Allen jay-z P Diddy dr. Dre you know all these billionaires ain't none special bottle they don't look special they're not cut from a certain cloth it's just they made up their mind they made up their mind that they wanted something and they went out and they got it they created and and it's people with the same skill set but did not make up their mind so I want I need you to understand men holistically and when you understand that a man is a hunter a man is a go-getter a man is innately ambitious a man does not process the word no or failure why do you think there had to be a a campaign created that says no means no we were taught that you know at a young age no means no they didn't they didn't give that statement to me for to use on women that statement was specifically for women to use on man to protect women from men no means no as me and we don't have to we didn't have to do that to women and say listen no means no stop trying to stop stop stop doing me like man never had to do that women had to do that you know why because society realized early on that men are hard-headed that men are stubborn that men are very aggressive and assertive about what they want and so that's what you have to understand that gotta be that has to be the foundation that has to be the basis of this understanding this new knowledge so that you can take and look at your relationship or your situation ship even if it's just new and you're dating and you're not even calling it a relationship when you understand the whole picture of men then you're able to realize you're able to look at what you have and measure that and say okay hmm I see how a man is about the car he wants the job he wants the new the new para shoes he wants to watch he wants whoa hmm so how much more intense is he gonna be about the woman he wants because guess what that job that car them shoes the watch none of that can do for a man what a woman can think about it think about everything a woman can do none of those things that men lose sleep over men work 24 hours even for a pair of shoes you didn't have me and stand in line for hours for a pass shoe you mean and so you have to take that in consideration and see that's why I'm breaking it down like this because a lot of times you sitting there and you dealing with a man who has been dragging you by your ponytail for the last five years and you chasing him you chasing him you trying to catch up to him and he did grab you by your ponytail and start dragging you with them since you don't want to stand on your own two feet realize what's going on and go on ahead about your business he's just okay you wanna you want to stay come on come on you're gonna have to deal with control with abuse with cheating with lies with deception with manipulation usery you're gonna have to deal with all that because I'm trying this what the man is saying to you in Manglish he said I'm trying to dog you out I'm trying to dog you out I'm trying to mislead you I'm trying to send you mixed signals I'm trying to show you that I do not want you so I'm yelling at you I'm cursing at you I'm ghosting you I'm hanging up on you I'm controlling you passive-aggressive or whatever aggressive overtly aggressive physically aggressive all the aggressives I'm trying to do all of this with the hopes that you realize that I'm trying to tell you that I do not want you that you are not the one but that I'm not man enough to tell you that and to move on with my life because although I don't want you I don't know what else is out there so I'm trying to dog you out so that you get the strength to leave me so that then I can trick my mind to say I have no other choice but to move on but you still here and as long as you here I'm gonna keep using you and dog and you out because I grown boy and I'm not man enough to stand on my own two feet and tell you that you're not the one and then walk away because secretly deep down I fear the unknown and I honestly don't know if I'm gonna find somebody better than you but I feel like I don't want you so that's what he's saying if he could articulate what his actions toward you mean that's what he was saying and I can articulate that because I was that grown boy so I need you to understand this and listen to me now I told you this in different videos in different ways but I need you to hear this this way if you have to wonder if he is the one he's not the one if you have to come on here and ask a question about if he's ready for marriage he's not ready see when a man wants something everybody going to know it there will be no if ands and buts about it you will know it you will see it you will smell it you will hear you will feel it you will know it a man leaves no room for guesswork when he is serious about something or someone that's one thing you have to be clear about and listen to me you wasted so much of your life waiting on a man to give you definite words you're waiting on him to say to you listen I don't want to move on with your life and a grown boy is not going to say that and the reason why he's not going to say that is because he's fearful of the unknown he fears that if he says that you will find it in yourself to get up and to move on and then he could wake up a few weeks later and realize that he's made a huge mistake but now you strengthen your heart you've made up your mind to love yourself and to move on with your life and now he can't get you back so he does not say that because he wants to have you there as an option he wants to force you to leave him so then when you leave him all the pressure is on you see the person who has to walk away the person who decides to walk away that's who the pressure is on because you made a choice and one thing we hate doing as humans is making a choice because we fear being wrong but when you don't have a choice when life hands you a hand of course you've got to play the hand you've been dealt and so we do better as humans when we are just reacting to what we've been given versus having to be proactive and make a decision because now when you make a decision you have to live with the consequences with the results and it's all on you and that is why people men and women fear leaving just because of not knowing if it's the right thing to do but here's what I'm telling you if you are not being treated with love and respect consistently and if you don't feel in your heart that this is real that this is pure then you have to find it in yourself to convince your mind that what you have is not what you need and you gotta find the strength to walk away because the longer you stay the more used up you become and what happens is if you stay you will end up being so used up that you start to feel depleted to the point of you just you can't be fixed and that's what we see so many people going through in life to where you let somebody use you up so much for so long that when you finally get left when they finally come to their senses when he come his senses he leaves you and really he just left you because he had another person coming his life that you know can be a band-aid and so that's how he was able to leave you but now you start with no other choice but the you know get it how you live and you so hurt you're so broken you're so confused because you stayed for so long and you was being used and abused and taken advantage of but you stayed for so long so because you stayed now you like oh my goodness what in the world going on yeah what am I gonna do about this you know how am I gonna heal and so now the next man comes and he already has two strikes and he ain't even stepped up to the plate but he a pitch ain't even been thrown and you didn't gave him two strikes just for just for for looking at you he got two strikes I remember I was out and I was at the mall and I had wrote my first book I was 22 years old maybe I had turned 23 and I was at the mall and I got out I was I'm made of little business cards with my book on it with the book on there I told his story before but everybody don't see air video and I'm wiped down I'm handing I'm handing the business cards I I'm in the mall I'm handing the business cards I age I'm hustling hey this grass rules market and I had just I was dealing with the streets and trying to come out the street so I took that saying hustle to being an author so I'm handing out eeeek are handing out need car and the security kick them out the mall say you can't be in the mall tonight I'm handing out the card that's the listing so you need to get out of here so I love fire and so I said okay well my hustling y'all parking lot in won't hit over your car and a lady got out the car and she were walking in to the mall with her daughter and I walked up to her and I I said scuse me ma'am can I give you this and I gave her my car and then she looked at me she gonna get the car listen listen okay I do not have time for the games dear me so you need to tell me what you're about what do you want what do you want with me do you want me or not because I don't have time for the game she's not come in my life trying to play games with me I am a single mother and I don't have time for the games excuse me ma'am I'm married that car is about my new book I'm just trying to give you a card about my book Oh oh I'm sorry I'm sorry excuse me forgive me I'm sorry oh okay okay you know my sister owns a salon I'm gonna tell her and she wanna maybe she'll buy some copies for the salon Oh okay ma'am thank you you know I see she throw me off but you know what that was stay too long getting dog out gettin draw it through the mother by her ponytail that when a man just come to hand her a business card you me she going off in front of her daughter so the baby traumatized not it was you know she was older what she traumatized the man what did he do and is really yes she probably well actually he didn't do anything to me honey it's just sorry daddy it's your dad that I'm mad with and I just took it out on him why don't you do that she probably they probably had to have a full conversation about that that's what happens when you with a man and you try to convince yourself that he loves you but it's just taking him some time to learn how to show it and so you sitting there telling your your girlfriends well girl you know Tony guys who says some people just raise so cold they don't know how to be warm but he's a sweet guy and every now and then he makes me laugh and we have a great time and I know when it's bad it is bad but girl you know I know I know he loves me I really felt in my heart I know he loves me and it's like no that's not love that is not low heat no he does not love you because he is dogging you out and so you waiting because you fear having to start over you fear adding another body to your list because you got on your bike and so because you're on your bike and and because you know went too far because you didn't gave him more than you should have given him because you were flipping and tossing and you want experiment so you don't went further than you - never been and now you can't imagine going that far and having to start all over with another man and now you got to go through all of that again that you didn't try to show this man in a bedroom trying to win his affection so you say I might as well stay because I have been flipping Talton 59 ways from Sunday and Whedon came up with 60 Shades of Grey where am I gonna go and how am I gonna be able to start over with another man I thought we didn't had 69 shades of gray and so you sitting there and you talking to yourself and you don't want to start over they did a lot of time just like the lady who went off on me for Hannah a business car a lot of times you being on your bike end up reproducing so now that's another added layer so now you like well I don't want to have a broken home and I just it's always been my dream to have a family and I just don't want her to grow up without her dad and or him to grow up when I was dead and so now you will stay and you saying you want a family but he don't want a family he's stepping outside of y'all family and going and starting other families and then you fighting and competing with his other families that he created trying to get him to choose y'all and all the while the your blessing that you trying to give a family he or she your son or your daughter looking at you and like well what do you think you teaching me what you teaching me is how to fuss how to fight how to cuss how to argue how to cry over about a man how to hate myself how to disrespect myself how to be hurt by the person I love and then take it out on my cheerin who have nothing to do with what I chose to get into that's what your son or daughter sitting up looking at you saying that's what they thinking in their mind might not be able to articulate it but it like we'll be better off by ourselves that from the mouths of babes we'll be better off by ourselves can you please get you a backbone and sometimes they get old enough to tell you that don't you someone told you you know I just want you to be happy I just want you to love yourself you deserve better this is not fair what's being done to you you know I love daddy but I love you too and I'm tired of seeing you cry all the time that's what they make your own death 1011 a daughter can articulate that rounds five six seven a son it might be ten eleven twelve but you didn't heard it you didn't heard the fuels if you a single mother you probably heard that and and when you heard that it shook you to your core you God is you speaking to Massey yes that's what we talking through because you wrong and don't want to listen you said never want to go back and forth with old sorry raggedy musty body man who all his dirt ought to know better he does know better but you don't know no better you convincing yourself not to know better he knows better not but you convincing yourself not to know better so then guess what you stand and this is what he's doing when a man see that you slap crazy it that you twice a fool since Sunday when the man sees that guess what he's going to sit there and milk you for everything he can you hit me so he gonna use you as his bucket you know heard word what guys used the nasty word bucket that's what he used you for as that bucket that he just deposited in you and he does not care if you stay barefoot and pregnant he don't care because he's a savage because he a dog because he's lost he's hurting he's got few hit daddy left him you mean so he don't know no better and he know you got sense but you didn't dumb yourself down for him so now he sitting there just deposited in you wham bam thank you ma'am well I'm bound thank you ma'am just like that flipping and toasting you and then you get your little job he's spending your money he telling you he got this idea you giving him money to invest in his Harebrained Schemes he got half of the rent or mortgage paid all it is the way he able to spend his money on his other women in the street because he got you trying to buy his love you footing the bill you spending all this money because you trying to buy look cuz you don't want to be lonely cuz you don't want to be singer cuz you don't want people to look at you like who shot John and forgot to kill him you don't want people to think you broke busted and disgusted so you would do anything to hide you a warm body so you got a warm body but he got a cold heart so you gettin dog down drugged up and down the street and you tryin to go on Facebook and Instagram and look like couples goals relationship goals but really behind closed doors you kicking and screaming you you twice crazy since Sunday and so now what are you gonna do what are you going to do you gonna keep fooling up with his sorry no good man who refuses to grow who knows right from wrong now but refuses to grow but he just stretching you out he's stretching you out to get everything he can from you and so you got to realize that you got to understand that and listen what you got to do okay if you went physical if you went physical danger you got Lee right now you got Lee today you got lead today what if you got to sleep on somebody couch you got sleep on somebody float you got sleeping somebody garage on an air mattress it's it's plenty shelters you got to go to it yes it's gonna be a chapter if you're single mother yes it's gonna be a chapter in your son or daughter book but it's gonna be a best-seller so get them that chapter and go on to the shelter do what you got to do if somebody out there let you sleep on their couch you'd be surprised you'll never let you sleep on their couch now if you sing and you don't you ain't broke nobody in the world then you have even less excuses you got to go now if it's not physical you're not you don't feel in danger then you need to create an exit strategy you need to create an exit strategy so what this means is if you got money all you need is first and last month's rent okay if you ain't got first and last month's rent you just need enough money for your old hotel and if you came for it in the hotel get you an air B&B you mean get your Airbnb stop making excuses stop making excuses and be live how you got to live it's an Airbnb that's $40 a night on own on the site so even though excuses not and the next thing what you have to realize is if you're not in that position you ain't got no money guess what you need get your job you need to get your job you got to work online because these companies they're how you sit at home and do customer service y'all be calling me trying to collect bills and I could hear your lows in the back hollering and somebody flushing the toilet so I know they got jobs you could work from home on your cell phone doing customer service and in my account looking at my credit score and my balance that I owe and you at the house with my information and follow me on youtube could tell when the bill can let us be calling me that's another story but what I'm saying is it's somebody that'll get you a job even if you even if who you it won't let you go out and get no job work from home work from home do the surveys do the surveys online for a dollar survey and then what you got to do you might get yourself three months to six months in this three to six months you need to close your legs you need to close shop and whatever you got to tell him and real ain't gonna be much of nothing to stop him because you could tell him you didn't call all kind of stuff and he'd be like oh well you know I wrap it up we'll be all right we'll be all right because that's how a lot of men are nine if you got to draw something on your lil whatever you got to do the stock in touch because what the worst thing can happen to you is you get do something in the oven when you got your exit strategy and I'm gonna tell you I keep saying this over and over and over and over and over women keep writing me women keep writing me saying Sony just broke up two weeks ago and I just found out I'm expecting I'm like man that's how he got you that's how you got you so stop stop get in touch okay in your exit strategy when you planning your exit and then what you need to be doing you get your finances straight so if you can got a job get a job okay if you can't get no job then you need to create an ally that's gonna loan you some money even if you've got money you need to get an ally and what I mean by ally call your best friend that you cut off that you stopped talking to because of the prison of a relationship that you in the prison that you in that Jules called in a relationship so you cut your friend off so call your friend and say apologize let her know what you're going through and that you're getting ready to go because sometimes an ally will send you some aid they're seeing some help might even say look you need some money you need a place to stay you need to have your ally get you a lot even if you've got the kiss they feet because of how you did down over this sorry man and then after you then got your money situation you know how that's gonna work out you got your ally now you need to start looking for somewhere to go and you need to be looking at you going night the night because you can't afford person last month's rent or or your credit bad or you got eviction so you can't get nothing in your name then in these six months three to six months you need to start learning how to do some credit repair and you get your exit plan and then as soon as you see you got somewhere to go you either getting it for free or you got the money to get there then if you working then you need to call off work while he working if he don't work cuz he living off you then you need to go on like you going to work and on that day you need to be gone you need to be gone well you need to get him like the house tell him and I got you and your friend tickets to the game that's gonna cost you is gonna mess your budget up but you sent him on to the game with his friend and while he had the game you had the moving truck come on over there and you pack all your stuff and you're gonna get on about it now just like that see it's always way to go and people always say oh well you know it's just not right to just tell somebody just leave listen to me listen to me you want somebody to be reading your eulogy okay then you need the lead cuz tomorrow ain't promised when you're dealing with old deadbeat you don't know what's gonna happen you'll know when it's gonna pop off you got to make moves don't stop stop giving the excuses by oh I got kids it that does not matter they ready to go to they think the shelter is a hotel oh this is fine oh my goodness I love bears are we gonna eat three times they fine no but you bid they are more resilient than adults so don't leave it oh we need financial security no all that gonna come you need your sanity because as long as you stand in that insanity you affected your your body you fit in your health I remember here on a stack that said relationship stress is the number one worse form of stress worse than job-related stress death related stress health related stress that relationship stress will take and it increases your chances of a premature death by natural causes about 300 to 500 percent you hear what I'm telling you that's because we are created to connect we are created to relate in a relationship and when that main artery of human interaction human connection is toxic it destroys you from the inside out so you gotta stop playing with it and you got to make a move you got to realize that what you have is fake and phony and it's Cubans are calling you in a Tiffany's box and you got to stop trying to package it and trying to make it look pretty and you got to wake up the smell to folders in the morning and you need to get gone and when you clear this space in your life and you get gone then guess what's gonna happen you're going to be able to heal you're gonna have to listen this video three times and then you're gonna be able to heal you're taking the courses you're going to the seminar to the retreats and make sure you click the link in the description for the upcoming retreats and seminars and you feed in your mind you feed your spirit and it's gonna renew your mind it's gonna give you a new confidence and then guess what you are going to attract real love and you're sorry X gonna have to watch you grow up and glow up and they're gonna be looking from a disk gonna try to come back but the locks change gonna try to come back when I said a lot change I'm talking about the lock to your heart you didn't lock it to them you didn't change the locks and this somebody else gonna have the key you know what I'm telling you and you're gonna be able to minimize that so time to the point that you don't feel it that it doesn't affect you spiritually physically mentally emotionally it is Tony gasps I've been talking with 35 minutes I got to get gone I think I hit all the points I got the hit hey thank you so much for being here I really really appreciate it thank you to all the members of the Blessed try make sure you take the links in the description I got some upcoming events coming up and if you want to join the channel as a member of the blessed tribe I typically put the link in the description if I forget on this one it's in another video and make sure you visit my mentor dot life to book a session with your new coach I've been blessed hearing from coaches telling me how well their sessions are going so for those of you who have booked the coach and even to those you who have booked me I think you god bless you and to those of you who ready to become a coach you want to help other people through your pain through what you're going through you want to sew into the lives of others and help them then make sure you visit Tony Gaskins Academy com take the coach training if you want 50% off on that course the coupon code is my mentor it's my mentor I'll try to remember to put that in the description god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 117,913

Rating: 4.9378133 out of 5

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Id: gjbqiJbSZsM

Length: 36min 56sec (2216 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 31 2020