Everything Wrong With Monster House In 12 Minutes Or Less

[Music] fifty-two seconds of logo also image movers the company that brought us Mars Needs Moms and while that has nothing to do with this movie it will always be a sip seems like as good a time as any to point out that this movie was released in July of 2006 because nothing says Halloween and monsters like the middle of July we do discover that nebbercracker is actually trying to protect the children from the house but that doesn't explain why he has to brake the tricycle seems like she could get off this property and farther away from the house quicker if she had an impact also a guy that old and skinny could not rip a tire free from a tricycle and then he steals the bike 2006 when CG animation still wasn't passed the faces being creepy as [ __ ] hell staged another tricycle so he's stolen multiple tricycles and this kid is logging it in a journal instead of calling the police also what's up with the product placing Sharpie but only the green ones you cannot stay up in your room all day staring at it old bad through a telescope this is presented as good parenting but if these parents were good they'd put the kibosh on the old man spying ages ago When I was your age I did exactly the same thing of course it was with binoculars and involved the lovely Jensen twins I never thought there could be a creepier dad in a movie than Eugene Levy from American Pie but here we are Eliza will be here in a few hours you're just leaving are you kidding me literally anything that happens today to this kid is this terrible parents fault no discussion is needed Christ if basketball net cost like a few bucks too many movies trying to make us feel bad about neglected hoops by showing them necklace but necklace hoops are either abandoned or owned by super cheap as people double dribbling the ball bounces off the rim and onto his face and then down the driveway into the street slowly and not toward the old trike stealers house but then movie will have you believe that ball ended up looking here and that is some your bar just landed on nebbercracker's lawn it doesn't exist anymore this is the dumbest suburban kid horror cliche of all the dumb suburban kid horror cliches there's no way animated Steve Buscemi would be breaking all these tricycles and stealing all these kids toys without some Stav parents who just showed up tons of money for said items raising enough of a stink to stop this nonsense calling shenanigans on this old-ass creeper lifting a middle schooler up into the air like this stealing I get movie is trying to show us how the house wants never crack her to stay but there is literally a concrete walkway that would be much easier to roll the stretcher on so why are they even on the grass in the first place no siren never a good sign well no reason to tell any adults about this let's just movie movie movie along also on common bond not a single goddamn person being on the street other than these two kids there was a ambulance wheeling off the neighborhood psycho it'd be like gossip central out here I'm a murderer no you're not when it's an accident they call a manslaughter counter would be great it's cinema since I don't do board games shrinky dinks or tuck-ins pretty sure if you do the shrinky dink before the tuck in your okay but afterwards might involve jail time by the way this is probably a good call on zis part gosh TJ watch it break fast one thing movies consistently get right is how few tire babysitters actually give about your child holy that is a big key it's as long as his pencil and half the length of his clipboard Christ any kid that puts pictures of spiders right above his bed as a servant of Satan I know right now we're all confused as to exactly what the extent of the house's powers are when nebbercracker is not around but thankfully the movie will explain all of that and leave us with no questions right why is he answering the phone why isn't the babysitter yeah yeah super creepy but also insanely impossible the deejay would be able to hear the phone ringing all the way across the street in the monster house the babysitter's boyfriend is making out with the young boy stuffed animal where are your parents if that was a concern why is DJ calling counter after 11 o'clock and no neighbors saw or heard this which is weird because the kid looked at his clock a few minutes ago and it wasn't even midnight yet I'm confused as to how we've drained the lake as a selling point chowder chowder chowder is addictive peace and quiet GJ this is why nobody will sit next to us at lunch pretty sure it's actually because chowder wears a cape and can't dribble a basketball correctly but semantics I'll go ding-dong-ditch the house and you'll see let's forget this game super racist original name if that's even possible and focus on the fact that ding-dong-ditch is in an [ __ ] game and only little [ __ ] ever play it oh my you know my long journey from cinema sense Chris from cinema sense Barrett from cinema sense okay I give up he rings the bell and just think stands there granted he is pretty sure the house isn't haunted but a key component in ding-dong-ditch the game is to run away really fast as soon as you knock or ring the doorbell the way they turn this house into a living creature is outstanding chowder was salutatorian in his graduating class at the Prometheus school of running away from things I really don't care if you think your neighbor's house is haunted pointing a telescope at his or her house is wrong creepy gross and wrong but rear window kicks ass and even disturbia is super watchable despite the aforementioned rawness she didn't see that she saw it right I hate Mexican food me to pee because if it is that's really gross okay it probably is Pete as the boys already admitted to the babysitter that they peed in at least one mountain Dew bottle but how the Pacino this on site that's impossible it can't figure out why this was included in the movie authority can be so he's right though didn't see that coming you didn't I think it's time to call the police you know also surely a dog has peed on the yard before so that can't be the first time this has happened even with no one see me to ever step outside their [ __ ] house in this neighborhood I still have no clue how never cracker has kept this under wraps he's been covering it up since bones with a child I was in the forest wrestling with a bear claw when we got the call cops donuts jokes is all the time [Music] causing hearing loss we don't have backup it's just Judy at the station I feel like this town is big enough to have more than two cops on duty and if they only had two cops on duty they would at least separate them to cover more ground no skull is in the game zone right now and you don't want to mess with him when he's in the game zone not even for a massive emergency calm down you make me want to throw up in some tinfoil and eat it what that is not a thing people say in my travels to the video store and comic book conventions and I've heard tell of man-made structures becoming possessed by a human saw skulls position okay so it's possible that he could play the video game without looking but pretty sure he can't play it without hands so how do we kill it you've got a strike at the source of life the heart just FYI on this movie is taking its mythical horror rules cues from this [ __ ] guy like why not literally anyone else an old priest a creepy Undertaker no they go with video game guy I know the Maine kids parents are away for a few days but what about everybody else's parents what about the babysitter this movie looks at the concept of adult supervision and gives it a mighty middle finger the whole goddamn neighborhood went away for a few days I guess Christ I'm not saying spying on your neighbors people but look out a window now and then and maybe you spot some kids playing in the street and save a life also pretty sure a trash can with two open ends is no longer a trash can and therefore would not exist go off except this isn't how vacuums work someone would have to be pushing it cops blocking wresting these kids for being in the road inside trash cans cops and horror movies have to be idiots because it's a horror movie cliche they survive this it's not for nothing this is the second time this movie is cut abruptly to black screen in the last two minutes here the camera goes into a closing crack and a piece of wood panelling then we do five seconds of speedy travel through a green tube and then we pop out the living room David Fincher's panic room eat your heart out I don't think the house knows that we're near I thinks we're still in the car it can see you when you're across the street looking at it through your telescope but sure it would have known clue when you're right on top of it find the heart put out the fire got it they proceeded to just look around in the main room despite them all knowing for sure that the chimney the smoke was coming out of was on the far left side of the house explosives so with all of the evidence laid before the viewer of chowder being a peeping tom urinating and bottles abilities took and struck cold medicine cocktails and now is clear love of explosives I'm wondering if we should be rooting for the house to eat him because he's clearly going to grow up to be a serial killer pink chowder you'll be a shadowing goddamn another cut to black look at all these toys so if we're supposed to believe never cracker is feeding all these kids toys to the house why is everything still intact she has a uvula but no way to digest anything you guys should have a look at this you better take a look at this cliche whole body is in cement for anyone who thinks Coraline is a movie for kids let me introduce you to Monster House huh candles a picture is that a chicken wing or chicken wings or maybe those are gizzards Valentine's chocolate box more gizzards more pictures and more candles that looks like a newspaper cone filled with chicken gizzards on its side why would he build a shrine if you murdered well Jenny I can give you at least 200 lifetime movie channel titles to check out to help you understand better King chowder this works after they pulled the house's uvula and made it puke them out water filled up the whole first floor and we even see tear water pour off the second-story window but we will later see the heart of this house the fire kept burning somehow and kept spewing out smoke oh yeah yes do you want to hear my big idea does it involve getting out of carpet rain from the house because that should currently be top priority house is her my wife the house was her cage cart all the way out here outside the circus proper I can take you away from here if you want to I can save you I can take you away from here they're just kids dear and what are they doing there this is literally the only house for miles and it hasn't even completed yet oh the use of the house in this movie is imaginative and awesome but if it could do this the whole time why hasn't it yet I mean you've known this for a while now so I'm honestly not sure why never cracker was worried about Halloween other than the random kids a few minutes ago we've seen no sign of anyone trick-or-treating I've always done what's best for you haven't I movie for kids about a haunted house suddenly becomes a ponderous debate about death rights and the legality of pulling your spouse's plug never ever ever give dynamite to kids well he's dead now right premature celebration I swear to Christ these characters are all coated in Teflon this mother bear is the luckiest sob to ever exist if you were to tell me that a portion of the scripts dialogue was lifted from old full house episodes I would totally believe you in keeping with the entire film no one saw or heard this a man don't cry she'll be back in the sequel 45 years we have been trapped for 45 years that's a lot of missing bodies piling up that apparently no one has ever investigated mom sees her kid and his friend dressed this way and dirty and guesses they dressed up for Halloween as dirty pirates and this scene is only here to blow at the runtime this mom is a [ __ ] and dirty pirates is not something kids dress up as though if they did they would at least wear dirty pirate clothes instead of dirty jeans and dirty t-shirts might wanna grab something to actually put the candy in just a thought this movie has a couple credit scenes and none of them are fun interesting or worth watching just FYI shout shout dear its chowder say it right look at all these toys toy soldier strapped an explosive device I'm serious I am serious and don't call me Shirley right I control the TV we will control the horizontal we will control the vertical a phone call would you like a chocolate-covered pretzel I immediately regret this decision man that's a real shame when folks be throwing away a perfectly good white boy like that

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 3,487,459

Rating: 4.8511171 out of 5

Keywords: monster house movie, house, animation, wave jockey job, movie, eww, monster house reaction, kids movies, monster house full movie, everything wrong with monster house, cinemasins monster house, mistakes, eww monster house, everything wrong with, monster, movie review, cinemasins, monster house, cinema sins, monster house review, animated movies, review

Id: fAhWzC7kEeg

Length: 12min 48sec (768 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 01 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/ROBOT_B9]

If you haven't read it, Dan Harmon's letter about his experience working on the film is legendary, just for this choice response alone: "And why, after they escaped the house, did that old man tell them another scary story about a mean fat lady that didn’t make very much sense either? I’ll tell you why. Because Gil Kenan is a hack and Steven Spielberg is a moron. But hey, I shouldn’t be dumping this stuff on you. "

https://yayponies.tumblr.com/post/23557202101/my-story-about-the-film-monster-house/amp

[u/bubonis]

This was my daughter’s favorite movie for about 2-3 months.

[u/DarkstarAnt]

Ah yes, the movie that terrified me as a child.

[u/BionicTriforce]

What the heck is the racist origin of Ding Dong Ditch? Wikipedia says the original name was Knock, knock, ginger, but Ginger appeared to be a reference to a name, not a redhead. And even then redhead's aren't a race. -_-

[u/Lol_u_ded]

If you are gonna sin movies from my childhood, do How To Eat Fried Worms. God, that movie was hot garbage. But I loved it as a kid.

[u/dgreene33]

does anyone know what the original name was?