Everything Wrong With Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

this movie exists 26 seconds of snow goes man can this beginning be anymore Harry Potter over three and a half minutes of confection Concepcion opening credits if I wanted to know how chocolate was born I'd take a trip to Hershey Pennsylvania this is a story an ordinary boy named Charlie Bucket Walker a ship this Charles Dickens meets dr. Seuss house appears to be rundown except it was obviously built this way so there's no way this door exists if it's not specifically designed to go into this door frame evening buckets evening movie pays homage to the original film's four-person bed an awesome image but entirely impractical where to Grandpa Joe and Grandpa George even put their legs and do we even want to know I saw one with my own two eyes I used to work for him you know you did Charlie's been building this exact scale replica of the [ __ ] Chocolate Factory for who knows how long but grandpa never brought up that he worked there until now Willy Wonka began with a single store in Cherry Street grant position I'm gonna guess that Wonka somehow bypassed the FDA when concocting his candy stores in that illicit genius if he can do that we've seen so far the door at grandpa Joe is looking for his wizard or based on the way Depp plays the character possibly easy I'm with Charlie while we grab a Joe here that part of the story I don't think getting riled up in the four-poster was a good idea but mr. Wonka was right of course soon after this that came a very hot day with a boiling Sun so Prince Pondicherry thought this wouldn't happen were there no hot days while Wonka was making the palace and how did this conversation of whether or not the prince intended to eat or live in the palace not come up in the whole time it was being worked on they began sending in spies to steal the secret recipes I'm not the most up-to-date on my sweet treat spy craft but in general wouldn't you rendezvous somewhere slightly further away from the very Chocolate Factory you were spying on think abou bus started making nice cream that would never melt so we but not melting ice cream was actually invented and sold and Grandpa Joe shouldn't be talking about it as if it's some big revelation he's running the machines nobody knows Johnny certainly it's a mystery not as big of a mystery is how no one ever [ __ ] told Charlie any of these stories before I'd give anything in the world just to go in one more time and see what's become of that amazing factory rapido I was fortunate we so hard right here he might start smelling toast so they just eat and go to bed no one gets bathroom breaks all four of them are bed panning it I think is impossible jothee seen how a character suddenly becomes lucid just in time to give sobering words of encouragement cliche also this all seems like strange motivation for something that hasn't even happened yet Charlie's family seems to be creating this goal for Charlie to get in Wonka's factory even before the golden ticket news has been announced indeed that very night Charlie died from severe hypothermia from a gaping hole in the roof mere inches from his bed [Music] I'd take a good danny elfman score as much as the next guy but sometimes I get the feeling he's just been using variations on the men in black school or for every movie since 1997 so dozens of people just happen to be converging on this pole at the exact same time are they all just there for the every second Thursday telephone pole snow orgy and happen to find this message from Wonka dear people of the world the world so did the delivery boys ride those Vespas around the entire world to post these notices in one night what kind of santa's label does that also where did that massive staff come from they're not opelu us but Wonka trusted them to deliver all these notices and the chocolates with the golden tickets even though he swore off humanity years ago one of these children shall receive a special prize beyond anything you could ever imagine you're giving them the factory right I think you may be selling my imagination short Wonka because I totally just pulled off imagining that a candy bars may be anywhere in any shot and in the streets in any town in any country in the world as long as the five winners can speak English for the movies sake ha ha I get it kids fat and loves chocolate but you're telling me his mother wouldn't clean the chocolate off his face before he goes in front of the cameras yes man suppose his daughter and no good ever comes from spoiling a child like that someone hasn't been keeping up with the kardashians oh wait damn that was either some quick math buy grab a Joe or he's been creepily monitoring this total for a while now what's the point of this attention filled fake out reveal is there a single human watching this movie that doesn't know that bucket boy is gonna eventually get a ticket manufacturing dates offset by weather in this room I and I'll give you manufacturing dates and weather but Nikkei index what does the tokyo stock market have to do with anything and regarding mike strategy the bar with the ticket would still have to randomly end up in denver right you ungrateful didn't but jesus does mr. buckets have beats by dre sound canceling abilities in his hands Charlie should still be able to hear at least some of grandpa George's tapestry of profanity Oh for the love of Roald Dahl how many times we need to go through this disappointment nonsense we spent the first 30 minutes of this movie on golden ticket fake outz poverty born and being narrated at can we get to some chocolate factoring already charlie finds ten bucks in the snow and his first thought is to buy a third candy bar even after overhearing that the last ticket was already found no worries charlie you've got a family of seven in a one-room shack eating cabbage water for every meal but you go right ahead and buy some more chocolate this old puppet carousel is the perfect metaphor for this movie a fake plastic reproduction that's annoyingly loud and garish and ends up completely going down in flames Tim Burton obviously decided the 1971 version of this story didn't have enough nightmare fuel where exactly did Wonka come from if the entrance to the factory is right in front of them also wouldn't there be at least a murmur from the crowd behind the gate from seeing Wonka for the first time in ages good morning Starshine the earth says hello if you listen closely with the right kind of ears somewhere in the middle of that line you can hear the exact moment the world had had enough of Johnny Depp's nonsense and the rest of you must be their parents yeah mom Z dad's dad I cannot begin to tell you how quickly and forcefully I would remove children from this man's presence would you like some chocolate then you should've bought something why you're literally in a chocolate factory pretty sure that was the one thing you didn't need to bring also Moody is deeply committed to us hating every single character that isn't named bucket I don't care how much you like good old Charlie that it's a lot of [ __ ] hurry to sit through come with me try some of my grits I am guessing there were many involved in this head trip of a movie that didn't heed try some of Wonka scraps you need the cross of course you can but would you want to they've been walking all over that I understand they had to make these kids unlikable but Tim Burton went way over the top of this I mean if you're gonna remake this why not give these characters a tiny bit of nuance instead of doubling down on the [ __ ] Atun Oompa Loompas imported direct from the label would walk I've done if he didn't happen upon a sudden and conveniently subservient workforce he'd already fired his entire staff right he wants us to believe that as fastidious and I don't know whatever's going on with Willy Wonka he travel through King jungle earning Swaddlers and snozzwangers and those terrible wicked Wang doodles what are the names for my penis I'll take over actor's name Johnny for 500 hours sword swallowing I went to loompaland looking for exotic new flavors instead I found the in balloons and I totally wouldn't have believed that these new balloons existed if I didn't have this completely necessary back story I'm more willing to buy that won't Killearn the looper language and could communicate with them than being able to acquire all the passports and documentation it would take to get them back to his factory hey little boy Mike must be touched by human hands that doesn't seem like a great marketing strategy also why the hell didn't want to tell them that from the beginning there was one rule [Music] why don't all the Oompa Loompas look the same why are they miniature humans where did they find their love for musical theater why are they wearing full-body latex uniforms and why do they rate songs like a fifth grader trying to figure out what rhymes with poop look movie you're the one that wanted to give the backstory for these guys so now I need to know if I know my high school physics and then I probably don't when you have an overweight child object stuck in your vacuum isn't the pressure above the blockage not below so why would it be spraying out like this all the way down here so did the song and dance number fix the situation because the open-loop is otherwise did Jack I didn't say that don't even bother at Hearst they knew it was gonna happen as if we needed more reasons to hate them these snozzwangers would be excellent at cinemasins I want you to take mrs. gloop up to the fudge room okay is it just me or does taking mrs. gloop up to the fudge room sound like a new euphemism for hitting the restroom Wong Kanta forever on with the tour they're still going on the tour after all the augustus Gloop went down these people deserve what ever saw like torture device falls on their heads human hands can't touch the chocolate the bottom of the boat is fine as we're told several times the waterfall churning is what makes the chocolate unique so this is definitely introducing an unnecessary variable [Music] God why does everything in this movie taper effort to happen look one percent of Tim Burton's imagination would kick the [ __ ] out of the rest of the world in an imagination battle but this seems a little overboard even for him sure Wonka would have an extravagant boat but wouldn't he pick something to fit better with the theme that's a dragon have to do with any of this lluís antagonists and oppose 2000 rehash gets an origin story even though it doesn't need one and no one asked for one cliche also it's completely counterintuitive that this movie is called Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when it's much more wok eccentric than the first one I know it supposed to be a more faithful adaptation of the book but you know how many feel about that around here caramels they'd get stuck in your braces wouldn't they oh man I had a drag poor Christopher Lee into this didn't think also of course Willy Wonka's dad was a dentist who never let him have candy long casts backstory was apparently written by Admiral obvious also also why the [ __ ] Count Dooku saw him on Willy go out trick-or-treating in the first place if your candy burns like this and I hate to be the one to tell you this either you've got some bad candy or you're in a Tim Burton movie [Music] and we can add animal cruelty for the sake of a visual pond to the growing list of reasons this Factory would have been shut down ages ago these are everlasting gobstoppers you can suck on it all year and it'll never get any smaller also known as the everlasting choke hazard I'd rather you didn't there's still one or two things that are of them oh come on Wonka we all know what you're up to you put a stick of chewing-gum right in front of the chewing gum champion this whole thing is a big batch of entrapment mixed with a heaping helping of child endangerment and you're enjoying every second of it that is one stretchy sweat suit someone called Bruce banners stylist because I think we found the material for his next outfit [Music] I swear to the Greek Gobstopper in the sky the music in this movie makes the music in the lorax look like Hamilton by comparison regardless of how exaggerated her look is that's still violets body the Oompa Loompas could be doing some serious damage by jumping on it we've gotta squeeze all that juice out of her immediately given Wonka's look and general demeanor I'm thinking this environment is the only place where he could say the sentence and not be immediately arrested what's the special prize you get Syd the best kind of prize is a surprise ha ha ha ha the problem with Johnny Depp's portrayal is that it takes the beautiful beleaguered but eccentric frustration of Gene Wilder's Wonka and turns it into nothing more than a case of a sociopath with severe Arrested Development a take which steals all the joy of Wonka finding someone to finally take over the factory and instead just makes us want to alert the proper authorities oh I think that one's kind of bad that's why we nicknamed him Lance Luca little girl Jesus movies like watching a slow speed car chase after popping a couple valium it's always fun to see a kid's movie turn into a street horror film seriously bring on squirrel spiria at least it would be interesting sure most of these kids are awful but these parents are worse they're incapable and uninterested in helping their kids out mr. salt can't jump over the railing and run down the stairs to save his daughter from some squirrels for the sole purpose of this visual guide Wonka was able to procure an over large steak from Looney Tunes lion ladies is it just me or does welcome to fudge Mountain sound like a euphemism for you know what maybe this whole movie is a euphemism for taking a dump and this is the puppet hospital and burn center it's relatively new come on movie you've already established how weird Wonka is by the fact that he has random flashbacks and likes to play murder children this is just unfunny overkill hi Doris so the only female in bloom pose at the factory work in the front office I knew uncle was crazy but sexist too he doesn't have to have a point that's why it's candy nice try mr. Burton you're not covering up all your nonsense of a bull that easily your Ruby still has to have an engaging story and voice as is yet another flashback when we already get the point looks like new line like Christopher Lee keep those Saruman powers for an extra year I don't figure wrong and even if we go by the assumption that Wonka set all this up ahead of time there are several things that still have to fall into place Augustus has to be left on his own and start drinking out of and fall into the river violet has to take the gum bait which might be the easiest one but it still has to go exactly as planned Farooq asked to be interested enough in the squirrels to go down and get herself thrown down the chute and Mike has to ask to pick a room it happens to be the TV room and he has to get the idea to transport himself wouldn't be easier to just get them all in the factory have them to sign who's the last man standing like the joke we did in the dark night incorrect inertia alert when this elevator shoots forward everyone should fall backwards not into the wall in front of them cool you invented teleportation and also apparently levitation how is this Johnny Depp si go sighs candy bar floating well why would I want to send a person they don't taste very good Oh for those keeping track at home that is the third cannibalism joke in this movie all of which were the same basic punchline and the same paucity of funny oh no Mike I think mr. Wonka knows what he's talking about really mr. TV you can say that with a straight face harmed what are you talking about little-known fact Warner Brothers originally hired Edgar Wright to direct the sequence but in a different way due to creative differences Johnny's the only one this you mean you're the only one yes I don't blame Wonka for not realizing this because I sure don't forgot Carly was part of this movie and we mustn't dilly organic because we have an enormous number of things to do before the days out but luckily for us we have the great glass elevator to speed things I wish the creators of this movie had a glass elevator then because this movie took so little time and had so much that was interesting sorry strike all that reverse it it's amazing to think that 12 years before this Steven Spielberg made us believe dinosaurs were walking on the earth but Tim Burton can't make us believe that a little girl is doing flips down some stairs also it's great to get confirmation that the kids are okay and the only residual issue they'll have to deal with is their horribly mutilated bodies you got some Star Wars and my Willy Wonka movie proper young Brit would say elevator it's a lift dear Veruca you want a flying glass lift you must be the boy's parents yeah dad all right that manufactured an unnecessary Wonka backstory still hasn't been resolved guess we've got another 15 minutes a fudge Mountain to wade through I had the strangest revelation Bree there's still time for another flashback who would watch over them after I was gone I realized in that moment I must find it here hey movie will handle the ham-handed puns over here dammit yes please and this movie wraps up more cleanly and wholesome than a king episode of growing pains like peanuts I love peanuts only grandma Georgina's lucid did Wonka also invent the cure for dementia so they built an exact replica of their whole house in the factory kind of sense does that make and don't give me that cheap [ __ ] about how candy doesn't even have to make sense it's their domicile what do we got root canal and by the looks of those x-rays it's not gonna be pretty [Music] ever since cinemasins began the most requested thing has been TV since and now it's a reality click the link in the description below to check out and now the audio outtakes [Music] you see a earmuffs [ __ ] a [ __ ] whatever you want babe out Marie and don't look at it no matter what happens I guess this flavored chocolate coated glue Wow welcome to fetch Mountain would you please give a warm welcome to John Redcorn in big mountain fudgecake

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 3,503,051

Rating: 4.8654308 out of 5

Keywords: review, wave jockey job, cinema sins, willy wonka, charlie and the chocolate factory, everything wrong with, tim burton, johny depp, johnny depp, movie, eww, mistakes, cinemasins, everything wrong with charlie and the chocolate factory, eww charlie and the chocolate factory, cinemasins charlie and the chocolate factory, charlie, chocolate, chocolate factory, factory, movie review, charlie & the chocolate factory

Id: CDdKgvgHOO4

Length: 16min 16sec (976 seconds)

Published: Sat May 11 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/ugandaman123]

Probably my favourite cinemasins video

[u/puzzle__pieces]

Awesome!

[u/DefyingSeth]

One of the best ones for sure!