Everything Wrong With Cars In 16 Minutes Or Less

okay here we go focus car narration okay i get that he's a race car but he lives in a world where the cars are living things so why would race cars ever spend time in a dark trailer waiting for some big reveal like a human world race car are these are these cars taking pictures how the [ __ ] does that work are the helicopters anthropomorphic or are there cars inside the helicopters flying them and if these helicopters are on their own why isn't there a whole world full of them having helicopter races also i see dynaco still exists in the living race car world even though this is a completely different world than the one in toy store if they were a car outperforming the others like this especially at the end of the race then the race wouldn't ever be in question in other words bull in this race this is no different than a 10 000 meter foot race right why would an event such as running be such a big sport in this world also if every part of these cars are actual living appendages and need to be changed periodically like the tires really starts to make you ponder the question if i replace all the parts of an old car is it the same old car or is it a new car separate men and women's bathrooms open up the question as to what makes a car male or female and how car sex works also shouldn't this sexist joke about this long line of women cars be the other way around or am i being sexist thinking it should be another way yeah also huh because even female cars take so much longer in the bathroom than men am i right wait what are these cars even going to the bathroom for oil changes top offs this long line makes no sense tony stewart i'm bob cutlass here with my good friend daryl cartrip get it it's just like the flintstones for cars this race also brings into question why there are nothing but male cars driving in it are male cars inherently faster than female cars what kind of bullet is that [ __ ] 10 yards unsportsmanlike conduct there's no way the rookie can make it through not in one piece that is daryl um cartrip would be excellent at cinemasins this maneuver is total bullsh but if this really is a race like daytona or something like that this mega wreck would cause a delay or a stoppage that would freeze the action until it got sorted out he's not pitting wait you're saying everyone pitted at the 215 mile mark except mcqueen and he's still somehow in the lead 80 laps later without pitting and his car hasn't broken down cars should not have tongues but whatever even if they did the tongue extension should not count in this automobile race it's taking them a really long time to figure out who won this thing that's a headlight joke right there officials have determined that a tie breaker race between the three leaders will be held in california in one week hope you didn't have plans also why not just [ __ ] race right now and why is that gotta take place in california this race shot off fireworks after announcing a three-way tie i bet the fans were like you race i'm stuck in traffic after paying big money to see an inconclusive sporting event don't drive like my brother oh yeah don't drive like my brother this click and clock cameo is now sad since one of them died nice going pixar thanks obama instead of a moon roof allowing him to see the stars this truck has a digital ceiling allowing him to see the stars while also wasting a lot more energy sweet somehow a truck this interesting to the press will still go missing like moments after this i get what you're going for here with the hustle and bustle of life but is there any highway in the u.s with this much [ __ ] of exits and entrance ramps going on by the way this car getting a ride from a truck doesn't endear me much to lightning mcqueen but i'm already having trouble figuring out why i should root for this guy since he's been nothing but an [ __ ] since the movie started the fast and the carius this rough and tough car street gang's main motivation is to make tired vehicles sleep well in order for this movie to happen it needs the truck to fall asleep the asshat neon cars to push the truck into the rumble strips and the rumble strips to cause a bobble head to fall and open the back door also a high-tech race car transporting big rig would definitely have a fail-safe in place to keep lightning from just drifting out the back of the truck while sleeping also the tailgate dropping to the pavement and creating sparks still doesn't wake up this semi mack aren't nearly all these trucks named mac because if they aren't that's a bull and i don't like it after driving along thinking every semi he sees is mac lightning makes the crazy decision to pinpoint mac's identity to this one exiting semi because story i mean think about it lightning why would matt be getting off the highway to california at a lonely exit offering no truck stops or gasoline or anything the entire movie hinges on this terrible split-second decision made by lightning magic train appears so that this movie has an exciting beat the train scene that is only in this movie and no movies before in this world you can get a ticket for running too fast electrical and phone wires are not made out of bungee and neither are the wooden poles they're attached to so remember the movie doc hollywood michael j fox played a doctor who had a big interview with a plastic surgery office and he had car trouble and got stuck in a small town and saw julie warner's boobs this movie is doc hollywood dressed up as an animated race car flick and no boobies unless you count that headlight scene which i don't i'm for a good pun just like anybody but breaking news as in news that's so important you break for it how do we reconcile that this movie has zero respect for the actual mobility impact of parking boots you're all aware of our town's proud history here she goes again again do you have regular court sessions in this tiny ass podunk town enough that she's given this speech before i don't think so is what i'm saying luigi what do you have at your store tires jesus she didn't even call into the stand or anything this is more like a church revival meeting than a real court the only guy strong enough to fix that road is big al oh he can do it he's got the horsepower yeah but not the actual towing capacity if you think a race car is going to lug some giant tar rig then you guys are living in a cartoon oh man you get to work with bessie i get my left two lug nuts or something like that the whole movie is filled with like this also in 2006 this was right around the time you thought man pixar has a perfect record they may lose that perfect record why cars why after an attempt to get away lightning runs out of gas at the exact spot the cop and district attorney are inexplicably waiting to taunt him jesus how long is this fire truck going to water those flowers and did i just say that they just dart around this massive road damage as though it's a puddle paying it no attention whatsoever thereby kind of proving lightning's point about how little the pavement damage really matters radiator springs is filled with the most desperate salesman created this side of glengarry glen ross i also think i now understand how this town went extinct extremely old joke about butte that was used in toy story 2 rears its ugly beaut in the ass end of another pixar movie movie wastes time with the lightning mcqueen nightmare where chick hicks gets the dynaco sponsorship something we don't give about right now because lightning has been nothing but a big [ __ ] this whole movie we like chick better than this dude so it seems like a good fantasy toss i'm actually wondering right now why bessie isn't a self-contained living vehicle everything else like this is a living thing why isn't this then why don't we just have a little race me and you this guy is super flexible on applying the law after spending the first half of the movie being super stringent about it wait are those tire tracks in the sky they have flying vehicles that make normal smoke right the unolapo that is racist by the way nearly an hour in and this guy is still a terrible person you got your toe cable oh yeah i always got my toe cable and why wouldn't he it's attached to him mama ain't seen you that low in years i haven't seen a road like this in here but these cars really never go anywhere i mean what's the point of being a car huh that punk actually did a good job and it makes up for all the bad stuff he's done so far if you're going hard enough left you'll find yourself turning right is he talking about race cars or sexual fluidity or city planning there is no part of this machine stretching out over this far right foot and a half of road and yet it's being newly repaved by magic porsche [ __ ] stamp with this tar machine still running while lightning sits and talks to everyone shouldn't there be a pile of unused star on the road or is he actually making a speed bump car sworn enemy tractor tippings oh come on what kind of bulls am i watching right now how does this feel let alone this entire empty ass town require this many goddamn tractors yes this is rough terrain but frank should still not be able to keep up with or catch up to a [ __ ] race car he's a combine or a thresher or something for sake also from this point forward the much slower mater will somehow keep up with lightning during this chase frank could easily decimate that fence and keep chasing them except for the invisible dog fence i'm assuming is in place here for some reason you're in love with miss sally wait did something happen in this movie that would make a love story possible have they spoken more than 50 words to each other it's actually insane i'm watching a pixar movie right now it's got so much filler in it when it came to making this movie i guess they just threw out that story first philosophy i knew that i made a good choice and what my best friend movie makes an attempt at a half-fast emotional connection an hour into the movie also this says a lot more about what a whole radiator springs is than any other attempt by the movie to convince me this place is a piece hey stickers how did lightning turn all the way around in this thing wait a minute are all the countries the same in this car world i mean the exact same american flag was there a revolutionary war where george carr washington crossed the delaware a midnight ride by paul ravine a traitor by the name of benedict arnold i like sally as much as the next car but cone-shaped clock cone-shaped lamps cone-shaped artwork wallpaper baseboards flowerbot picture frame and that's beyond the huts themselves i think it's safe to say sally took the cone theme way too many steps too far like she might be a serial killer for reals this [ __ ] dreams this for the third time and with a third different car winning all the [ __ ] he wants to win and amazingly despite the total nothing of the plot cars is quite long for a pixar move lightning kicks this can which causes a noise which leads him to investigating and finding out doc's racing past which makes that the most plot convenient can that ever existed in a movie trespassing he has a piston cup three piston cups no four piston cups also could you possibly land in a less likely place to find a past piston cup winner and your future wife in a town that has 10 total cars in it i mean have you ever seen him race he won three piston cups he did what in his cup well let's take a drive tractor tipping last night lazy afternoon drive today it's almost like lightning wants to follow the script more than he actually wants to get out of this town every single daylight hour should be spent paving that road but no he's just blowing it off every chance he gets falling in love while racing along deserted dangerous roads this is a bond movie without the humans okay so radiator springs the town is here the racetrack around willy's butte is here but the farmlands with a dozen tractors and frank nowhere to be seen back then cars came across the country a whole different way is jesse about to sing when she loved me because i can totally come back in three minutes or so if that's gonna happen also movie takes time to give a road history lesson long ago but not so very long ago james taylor is singing wistfully about the past it literally doesn't matter what else is going on in the movie at this point i'm duty bound to remove one sent what happened she just told you the [ __ ] interstate got built and redirected traffic jesus and then the movie gets way heavy-handed about its small-town businesses killed by the rush of american commerce and kind of loses me completely how great would it have been to see this place in its heyday it would have been the same town only with more traffic it's kind of nice to slow down every once in a while sure but you have a race to win and judging by the sunset you just wasted a whole day not doing the thing you need to do in order to make it to that race this tractor tipping thing gets even more screen time in this zero plot movie they spend so much time on showing this turn in the movie there must be one exactly like it at the piston cup track luckily for lightning he's got someone who can show him how to do it something tells me this would have been no issue at all if lightning had made it california's plan but because he's stuck here learning this turn suddenly became the most important thing ever even though his real problem so far was that he didn't change his tires and he was addicted to his crew when i finally got put together i went back expecting a big welcome you know what they said your history i have never known a time in sports history when an athlete was still in his prime and got completely ignored just because that person suffered a season-ending injury you'd probably still have an owner who would pay for babe ruth to be on their team if they could afford the exhuming costs this is the second time i've seen this fire truck knock over the stack of tires and i have to wonder why does somebody bother to continue stacking them back up every time what did luigi tell you right wow you were right better than a ferrari huh the message of the next montage is that if you buy a whole bunch of stuff you are suddenly a good person this looks like you've helped everybody in town with one sale each they should be able to stay in business for 30 more years or maybe the interstate will suddenly disappear when did everybody in town have time to fix all this up without sally seeing it and how long did it take longer than lightning has to get to the big race but damned if they did it anyway everybody is a dick to lightning's hard work that took him five weeks holy he missed the race it's over while the world's been trying to find you dying a cow has had no one to whoo lightning's been gone for nearly a week and the damage is done and he already knew dinoco was wooing chick but is suddenly motivated to get that stupid sponsorship again because his agent tells him this stuff he already knows radiation stings now or dynaco is history seriously did this pixar movie really need jeremy piven doing his entourage agent schtick they really made this movie from spare parts didn't they pun intended this rush of paparazzi after sally leaves makes me wonder how or why lightning and sally were ever allowed that private moment a second ago in the first place hey are you doc hudson yeah thanks for the call random media cars seek out the car that tipped them off so the audience knows who to blame for this plot development in fact the country is almost shut down this country would never shut down or even almost shut down for a [ __ ] nascar race here's an entire shopping mall that closed for the race because they want to fail i mean shopping malls are losing money hand over fist so shutting down a whole sunday seems self-destructive i am temporarily distracted enough to notice that in this arena you can't possibly have two-way traffic going to and from seats this has got to be the most annoying place to watch sporting events ever flashback fantasy does not contain a two and a half mile lap dance i don't think they didn't come all this way to see you quick doc happy movie moment aside how does the last minute unknown pit crew managed to sneak their way into the infield without credentials before appearing suddenly at this piston cup race dock took the time to have his old race name painted on his sides to help the kids in the viewing audience understand the importance of self-promotion and braggadocio and to waste time why didn't sally make the trip to the race since nearly everybody else did what whoa i'm shaking my head i want you to know my disappointment in this line goes beyond the verbal into the physical this is truly a contractual sin against america and i'm giving it three sins at once lightning catches up to the field pretty easily after being a lap down and despite that amazing burst of speed we'll not zoom past these cars and win easily and will make this dramatic somehow so remember all that time the movie spent with that turn finally gets its moment to shine here but one question how is lightning an expert at it after failing a million times and seeing doc do it once also i'm glad mcqueen finally learns and understands the go hard enough left you'll find yourself going right lesson truly i am but isn't he cheating his ass off by utterly shortcutting this track by running through the grass lightning grows a conscience at the stupidest time a moment that should show me how much he's grown actually makes me physically angry i think the king should finish his last race something you could have helped with after winning but whatever good moral lesson yo fun image but in a world without humans where cars are entities all to themselves why would the infield be filled with only rvs the rvs are individuals right camping is a word that should mean basically nothing to the citizens of this universe right but i didn't win lightning there's a whole lot more to racing than just winning name one thing i'm happy in the tornado trailer that's racist hey i'm back wanna see my car penis what now happens to radiator springs is someone builds a walmart followed by a mcdonald's and the charming small town turns into every other place in the u.s it took six writers including a writing team to write this movie yeah this movie drop and give me 20 miles which for a car is normal amounts of driving that has very little to do with any kind of punishment whatsoever you are a toy car disney gives itself ideas for future cash grab remakes whenever this marvel thing inevitably crashes and burns but they're gonna make me rich wait a minute here they're just using the same actor over and over what kind of a cut-rate production is this mac is right about the cut rate production but for the wrong reasons ricky bobby never got a sponsoring wooden bush has a huge big newton sticker on his i have a son jacob aboard the noses please watch over him i'll try back hey mac candy brought your kids to your divorce sympathy well it's working i feel sorry for them already yes thank you or should i say no thank you thank you for playing should we or should we not follow the advice of the galactically stupid because emily was just the same she was my whole world when somebody loved me he's catching support

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 11,816,379

Rating: 4.5035992 out of 5

Keywords: cinema sins, eww, cars movie, disney, pixar, cars, cars reivew, cinemasins, review, wave jockey job, everything wrong with

Id: bTYAJ_yEojM

Length: 16min 35sec (995 seconds)

Published: Thu May 12 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/rhodrir]

"There's a whole lot more to racing than just winning"

"Name one thing" One of my favourite CinemaSins jokes

Also what does matter say that makes Jeremy give 3 sins?

[u/[deleted]]

12:05 isn't that Jeremy Clarkson?

[u/RLS0812]

I'm going to answer THIS QUESTION asked during the review ...
Yes there is!
Picture of Spaghetti Junction in Houston TX

[u/ROBOT_B9]

Surprised that you didn't remove a sin for Paul Newman's performance. He was easily the best part about the movie.

[u/[deleted]]

How are these cars taking pictures?

Dash cams are my guess.

[u/HowlingPantherWolf]

I don't care how much you sin this, it's still one of my favourite childhood movies

[u/sandiskplayer34]

North Carolinian checking in. Thank you for removing a sin for James Taylor.

[u/Abba-]

Ah Ah Ah

[u/TheDynamicDino]

What version of the movie is this? I have the original DVD released in 2006; the "Nice Butte" sticker simply says "Radiator Springs" instead, and the voice of McQueen's agent is different...