Everything Wrong With Monsters vs. Aliens

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how many balloons do you think it takes the DreamWorks Fisher kid to get to the Crescent of the movie five now let's do six seven said Carroll eight Bill Paxton said while walking through the law there was a pause and then Gary said the unthinkable no and he bellowed the studio heads were stunned it hadn't been done before but with luck it just might work what caused the film to burn look I worked thirty five-millimeter projection from 1993 to 2012 and never once did I have film burned because of an alien invasion opening your movie with an object from space making its way to earth cliche this tiny remote Antarctic outpost has the capabilities to make a hamburger with freshly sliced topics I'm going to guys burgers and lies on this nonsense HBO's pre promotion of Westworld ten years before it would debut is completely out of hand reason number 473 not to use 3d as a gimmick in your film no one watching your movie a decade later will understand why we are spending five seconds watching a paddleball come at the screen also we're supposed to believe this guy cooked a juicy hamburger set it on the desk and then wanted to create a visual representation about boardy was how many times dr. Davis UFOs don't exist except they do because UFO doesn't mean alien spaceship it simply means something unidentified that is flying Jerry Jerry hilarious but you also decided to go to freaking Antarctica there are so many other jobs that don't require snuggling up to one of the Earth's ass poles where you can do just as much nothing as this supernova this is Red Dwarf we actually have one code Nimoy so earlier when you said no one told us what to do did you forget about the conveniently automatically connected red phone that you obviously know you are supposed to call and give very specific code names into or a perfect day to Mary Susan Murphy so I did Susan's friends break into her house just so that she would see her husband mention their wedding at 5:00 a.m. why didn't he just tell her to make sure she watched that's 5 a.m. nobody's awake at 5 a.m. except weatherman newspaper carriers and vampires my little girl welcome to 2009 when computer animators couldn't quite make humans look realistic so they went with revolting and creepy instead 30 minutes but Susan just got here and there was nobody in the parking there was no passage of time because she and her father were crying as he escorted her inside the church and they're still doing that in the next scene also the bride arrived 30 minutes before the ceremony Ruby doesn't know how to a wedding the Weathermen and the weatherman's wife somewhere in the distance Nicholas Cage's ears just perked up at the possibility of a weatherman sequel and I will always sin the perking up of cage ears ah honey my fingers across how was Susan surprised by this is this the first time she's spending with her future in-laws also what's up with the thumb shaming were we still okay with disfigurement humor in 2009 is this church near Stonehenge or something you have to go on a major pilgrimage to find this place hell even Stone Edge has roads going by it considering aliens is right the title I guess it's only appropriate that they sent Susan to the Prometheus school of running away from things can we just replay what recent pieces here stop the sound a human would make while getting hit by an asteroid would be voice acting also how do we turn our protagonist into a giant well you have a meteor slam into her as opposed to just being exposed to radiation like the kids in Chronicle that's a long way of saying she survived this also also this crash would have caused a lot more damage than this and furthermore nobody inside the church even hears this they'd hear a car accident before they heard this and the closest car is 35 miles away according to the movies Church geography apparently the role of today is wedding pianist will be played by Voldemort's mom how the hell did they get all those mud stains out out when she arrived there was 30 minutes until the wedding you couldn't clean those stains out even in 30 minutes much less the time she had after getting hit by the meteor Susan's wedding dress manages to stay intact during her transformation and look it's not like I want to see cartoon nudity I mean you want to see cartoon dude I'm just asking for some creativity in keeping with the known laws of fabric elasticity at the very least just have the dress grow with her since she was wearing it when she got strong free works can never have enough pratfalls in their animated movies of course the woman with the undersized thumbs can't open the chapel doors but why were the doors even closed Susan came in with the doors open and no one was there to close them why are they trying to capture bridezilla like this she is still a human being right you could just actually talk to her even if they don't they don't even try boy this Monster Hunter task force sure came prepared for this exact situation with all the personnel materials needed to specifically subdue a human giant setting aside how they even knew they'd be dealing with the once' of the giant here how did they know anyone would even be struck in the first place can we talk about the mechanics of this monster prison an elevator cage system didn't even make sense in cabin in the woods let alone here when there are only five creatures to contain stop doing that this is clearly his fault I mean who walks into a room doing horror movie tropes like this one and expects not to get hit by a spoon now they finally did it they made a character that is literally too dumb to breathe and if that's the case I don't even know how they make cogent sentences Bob is basically the DreamWorks version of Meatwad why did the chair that Susan crush go continuity in an animated movie is still a thing you know way too boy what could his boobies like what do people scream when they see you coming did you pull out in time possible I may have misunderstood the question considering the giant footstep noises in this humongous door that would have opened how is it possible that whatever the hell this is would have been able to sneak up on Susan also why did they let it out in the first place if they just needed to put him back in the name is general WR monger we should be asking questions hard questions about what DreamWorks did was subtleties bullet-ridden body when they decided to make these animated features with naming him Warren have been too subtle for DreamWorks character lifting weights lies about the number of lips he's done to impress people cliche oh and one other thing the government has changed your name to ginormica was there any reason why she just went through that door she already met the other monsters so why did they go through all that trouble just to tell her the government keeps monster secret and now we consider you a monster and you won't be able to see your family again it's not like she had to go through the tour to get to her cell since all the other monsters came in through the back door of their cells to eat lunch why does ginormica cell have a solid door here when all the other cells are glass walls on the Sun it's the movie prioritizing a series of lame jokes over logical consistency for shame begin reel me sequence is what DreamWorks should have said when they saw in the finished product of this movie earlier when Jim nasty and his girlfriend walked up to this thing they were eye level while standing on the ground so why is it now hundreds of feet in the air this WT axel F sawn for some time this design is 100% Stuart the minion and that just seems despicable to me pummel all that's happening is your weapons are just ineffective nobody's dying right shoot the eye you morons there's obviously only one scanner to go through this door but as soon as he gets to it there's one for his foot sphincter and both witnesses security is airtight the continuity not so much awesome as soon as he clears the door we see many other people in here so are we to assume each and every one of them has to do an asshole scan before entry speaking of which asshole scan before entry is what I used to tell my then which button gets me a latte that would be the other one sir what idiot designed this thing you did sir way too many characters were written with the Seth Rogen jelly monster character template in this movie we need a Hail Mary pass we need raw power weight monsters I understand where monger is coming from but after the military blast of the robot with all the firepower they have what does he expect monsters to be able to do especially since three of them are tiny and one of them is a jelly blob with no appreciable skills over the last 50 years I have captured monsters on the rampage in 50 years all you've caught are four monsters I'm of the opinion that if monsters exist you'd have run into way more than four and an extremely tall Reese Witherspoon we already have an alien problem general I don't think we need a monster problem to also movie shamefully inspire Suicide Squad and yeah I know the Suicide Squad first appeared in either 1959 or 1987 depending on what kind of nerd you are but they didn't even credit John Ostrander when that movie came out so I'm gonna stick to my tenuous beliefs dammit I propose we go forward with your monsters vs. aliens idea roll credits jeez who animated this random ground traffic control lady Marvel in the 80s has the earth gotten warmer that'd be great to know that that'd be a very convenient truth I mean they're stretching for a joke and then they're stretching so far for a joke that even Helen Power and Reed Richards are giving you side-eye does anybody have a twenty on Insectosaurus seriously they left at the exact same time Gill Arnett would be excellent at cinema since I just like to point out that this newspaper flying around in San Francisco is from and has New York wins five to one as a headline followed by a race for the mayor begins and new campaign finance is raised I don't know if we can learn much from that but it feels like a since geez even in a movie where characters are 50 feet and taller they can't resist putting a rooftop running scene in the action can someone tell me why an intelligence smart enough to travel the distance of space would design a robot this clunky and lumbering what is this a Star Wars movie cars should not work as skates when less mega roller girl has a way to put it in neutral and not destroy the suspension and axles with their weight these cars would trip her up not give her an advantage and of course it's cartoon physics in a ridiculous cartoon movie but welcome to the channel first time here why the fuck I entreat skating toward the Golden Gate Bridge oh I know it's because of the Golden Gate Bridge is in some sort of trouble cliche wait so everybody hasn't gotten off the bridge yet that almost certainly means some people have died horrible deaths but this movie would have you believe that none of these cars eaten by the robot or smashed or fell into the water had anyone in them I'm kind of wondering how the alien spaceship knows her name is Susan but I'm even more wondering why the spaceship isn't referring to her as ginormica since the government changed her name to that my days of running and hiding are over cool because you are the main villain right and this is your second tiny scene more than halfway through so it might be nice to eventually know who we're rooting against why would a creature with mostly human-like Anatomy drink with its ear and have it spit out of its mouth that's just being dumb for dumb sake but I guess sometimes dumb works dumb works hmm that might be a good name for a movie company we will think the new Susan is the cat's meow I'm sorry okay can we please put a moratorium on saying I'm sorry after every joke like this cockroach did it earlier when Susan told him not to did a maniacal laugh sorry and right after Susan told monger that she wasn't a threat to anyone and smashed a helicopter why isn't Insectosaurus with him he shows up later at the party did he just know where to go without any directions okay I have a nagging question about her ID number zero zero zero zero five first congrats on the optimism of thinking you will someday have 10,000 monsters and need all those digits but second and more importantly so we learned about the invisible man dying shouldn't she technically be zero zero zero zero six did they give her his number and leave his corpse in that chair I mean the invisible man disrespecting this joint is legit that's my mother you're suffocating her why isn't she dissolving we saw a wayward ham simply get lodged into his body earlier and it instantly went down like an alka-seltzer plan to cut up a ragged sack know the way insect asaurus just appears or disappears as the joke requires is the same nonsense Soni does with Bigfoot in the Hotel Transylvania movies anything that makes me think of those movies is an automatic five syn addition all right everyone just stay calm weren't they basically cool with the monsters this afternoon when did they adopt though we need to hide from them strategy I have an audience that depends on me for news weather sports and heartwarming fluff pieces since when does a news anchor also do weather in sports did he get a job with UHF channel 62 just don't see how I can have that with you Derek who has been nothing but a one-note dick this whole movie is probably right but someone who doesn't want to find creative ways to have sex with a woman this tall is a terrible person in my book look I know there are extremely rare exceptions but in almost all cases broadcasters west of the Mississippi start with a letter K and east start with the W this is not a difficult thing to get right I know you're upset Susan but what a dick move to possibly crush someone's property so you can take a load off to mope harder lazy susan is lazy what's a shindig dear sweet convenient creator and handiest heaven how did these three know she was at the random gas station in the middle of nowhere right now where they in her pocket and we're going to find out that their imaginary the gas station shelter survives this it even goes back to normal like it wasn't just sat on and kicked by a giant woman Pixar's motto is story is king well dreamworks motto is there ain't nothing you can't solve with farts and snot one of my favorite parts of this movie is how every time susan wakes up her captor has been able to taylor swift her perfectly prepared form-fitting outfit woven to her exact gigantic dimensions the only thing the villains in this movie love more than kidnapping is fashion that's what this is all about him getting the unobtanium or whatever out of your body yes that appears to be correct even though we're over an hour in and really have no clue how it relates to anything when Galax ha requests all the doors to be closed why do they close one by one many's end ago when I was but two squiggly alien speaks English for everything but to make him sound properly alien he has to refer to a passage of time as a Zen Tong for some reason okay ah boy set the terror level at code Brown cuz I need to change my pants oh come on Stephen Colbert not you too did Galax our model his ship after the fidgets spinner or did he chop a leg off the old singular logo general it's targeting us that's the ideal he can't hold your course either this guy didn't know what the plan was this deep into the plan or monger didn't tell her problem with riding an army of clones into your plot is that you begin to look like every other movie that has a clone army in it thereby becoming a something of other movies I may not have a brain gentlemen but I have an idea cabinet meetings work this works but I'm not a monster anymore I'm just me well except the white hair state anyone care to explain why everything else change back but her hair went rogue for some reason this stupid plan by which the monsters pretended to be clones managed to trick not only Galax are but his computer as well attention but do it with hand-to-hand combat instead of those guns I gave you because we still have 15 minutes to kill in this movie and of course it's a game of my dancing monsters that will bring the ship down because oh I give up this point I'm half expecting the writer credit on this monstrosity of a plot to end up being mad libs you best entire dance moves are no match for my security protocols what does the computer think cockroach has no chance to break her security code when he is clearly doing that and will have it solved by the next few seconds to self-destruct I can't think of one good reason why alien ships always have a self-destruct mode and don't tell me something like Star Trek did it in such-and-such a classic episode and ruled it's a third act crutch to add more tension to the movie after the heroes of basically won if the ship is self-destructing liar doors closing a possible practical purpose could that sir she crashed through these walls when she was what 100 feet tall yet somehow she still takes up most of that space at regular height at this size it should really be much easier than this to reenter her holes Hey phrasing the only reason he wouldn't be as if he was dead or late no way he could have heard that but I guess cartoon when in doubt sin it sexist sorry and you're a butterfly I'm guessing Insectosaurus was expensive to animate because he was pretty worthless for the most part changes into a moth - ex machina yet another situation but everywhere else he either was ineffective or they found ways not to include him or they just didn't bother putting him in the scene these women may not know what a cloaca is yet but they certainly look overly eager to find out wowzers I'm so proud of you I could cry I hadn't lost my tear ducts in the war well I'm glad this character didn't turn out to be the movies secondary villain what the fuck was his character about it gave him the name WR monger maybe this was expert misdirection by a movie that has an ass identification gag and a code Brown poop gags I'm conflicted seems a snail fell into a French nuclear reactor movie sets up a surefire sequel but what happened this movie made nearly 381 million worldwide was 11th place domestically in 2009 and cost a hundred seventy five million dollars Jesus how did they spend it on did Reese Witherspoon demand a giant wardrobe - method voice or character [Music] a man's got to put in overtime for me to get off space the final frontier these are the voyages of the starship for our opening in the garden and try to take away what other people have worked for very very hard their entire lives no didn't bother me at all you've been letting that quack experiment on you for over a month we see that that'll get my hair highlighted

Info

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 3,092,245

Rating: 4.8366671 out of 5

Keywords: monsters vs. aliens, monsters v aliens, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, mistakes, review

Id: _dI6vZ2Wbfo

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 16min 42sec (1002 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 14 2019

Reddit Comments

Wow, the textures on this movie just look terrible. I know some CGI ages badly but YIKES. The hideous design on literally every character in the film doesn't help.

Also, the worst use of that "3D paddleball shot" gimmick is in the original House of Wax. I love that movie and I know it was the first popular 3D movie but we didn't need almost 2 minutes of it.

👍︎︎ 12 👤︎︎ u/ROBOT_B9 📅︎︎ Mar 14 2019 🗫︎ replies

Sooo much shade thrown here. "Dumb-works" "It should be much easier to re-enter her holes."

hahahahahahaaaaa

👍︎︎ 13 👤︎︎ u/SailorSaturn79 📅︎︎ Mar 14 2019 🗫︎ replies

I remember actually seeing this movie in theaters (in 3D nonetheless), and I honestly enjoyed it a lot. I mean, I know it's not amazing or anything, but one of the biggest things I remember was how I was WAY more impressed with Dreamworks' use of 3D in comparison to Pixar's. And this was around the same time I saw Toy Story 3, so that should say something.

👍︎︎ 4 👤︎︎ u/VictorClark 📅︎︎ Mar 15 2019 🗫︎ replies

I see Jeremy finally found a video he could sneak a cloaca joke into.

👍︎︎ 3 👤︎︎ u/Hydra_Master 📅︎︎ Mar 16 2019 🗫︎ replies

This is one of the movies I actually like a lot and was sad they never made a sequel. I thought it made enough to justify it, but I didn’t know how much the movie cost to make.

Still. It’s a fun movie and i really enjoy watching it.

👍︎︎ 2 👤︎︎ u/Finito-1994 📅︎︎ Mar 15 2019 🗫︎ replies