Everything Wrong With Pixels In Super Lots Of Minutes

cheap tricks surrender is a 70 song through and through it was released in 1978 which is only four years before 1982 but let me put it this way you'd be annoyed if a movie opening in 2002 played tub-thumping why cuz it's from a totally different thing decade is Cooper's little sister running the most successful lemonade stand of all time also it's pretty convenient that everyone paid her in exact quarters and Cooper's little sister looks a bit too much like Sam Brenner Cooper's mom and Sam's dad have some splainin to do there's a pattern to have a movie I don't see you sure as hell do this isn't the last time in this film where we'll hear about patterns yet no one takes time to properly explain them even when our lives depend on it I how's that in there looks like we have a one of these things and not like the other situation on our hands hey sure Andy actually wanted Cooper's the real champion here those machines are hard and there are no patterns why is he getting so much media attention and being followed by these two leather pants models we forgotten this is a video game competition and not an RNC debate this is a fugly contest I'd be in chubbo what is this goofy ass accent he's using maybe it's a speech impediment are you saying all dwarves have speech impediments that's racist it's totally tubular oh come on didn't Sandler exercises 80s nostalgia demons in the wedding singer here's how the conversation went to get dan Aykroyd in the movie damn Adam I read the script it's awful I won't be in the movie Adam come on I'll give you some of my money that I don't deserve damn alright but you have to use my vodka in one scene Adam deal to be included in a compilation of 1982's news events and popular culture if all that is included how did the aliens interpret the video game as a declaration of war they clearly send them other stuff that should have put the video game competition into context but then there wouldn't be a plot to this movie that's not much of one now you say well to check I don't have two girls that look like that standing behind me while I play video games was there an award ceremony where they headed out participation trophies just before this by the looks of it there are a lot of people with the same trophy sitting in the audience in a video game championship the players still have to put in quarters for some reason the top two players in the world right now our children roughly the same age in the same country the original arcade game Donkey Kong famously does not have an ending and just goes to a kill screen after level 22 unless there's a time limit we do not see there's no reason for this game to be over at all congratulations on coming in second even though there are monitors everyone can watch for each player it feels like no one knows who won until he says this I was actually thinking Samantha Fox nice but she's no she and Easton there's always McDonald oh come on didn't Sandler exercise his 80s nostalgia boner demons three minutes earlier in this movie how about Scarlett Johansson what are we doing right now was this almost self awareness coming from Adam Sandler and couldn't that question apply to the movie itself jaw is killing me ma'am what kind of job did Kevin James have that would be killing it UPS guy zookeeper mall cop president Kevin James as the president well Donald Trump might be president soon so this really doesn't seem that far-fetched at all my god there's no camera by his legs so where are the shots of the kids coming from I wish it worked that way in real life every time an elected official makes a gaffe they quickly turn to the camera and it zooms in like they're about to say live from New York it's Saturday night does the president just go to bars with his friends he grew up with it would probably be a better idea for president Cooper to just invite his buddies to meet him in the privacy of the White House where they could definitely have drinks without costing the taxpayers money does this bar have a valet where is this kiosk and umbrella maybe Sam just hired this guy to take his van to cover some of his appointments while he had beers with the president so you just need to channel your genius into something for Doc do I mean you were incredible at video games back in the day but all we know about Sam is that he was good at video games I know a lot of people who are very good at video games modern and more complicated video games and I wouldn't even come close to classifying them as geniuses hello I am a nerd from the nerd brigade do you have to say that every time you show up at a house if I want to get paid yes no one in the history of Geek Squad and Geek Squad like Services has ever been required to say some demoralizing statement before delivering their services my dad cheated on my mom with his 19 year old Pilates instructor obnoxious TMI cake cliche is here and this time he's ginger no I can hear a little more you got any pictures I'm kidding I'm sorry to hear that Adam Sandler deadpan saying something that immediately takes it back Lachey but seriously he does this all the time thought him you were gonna be like one of those hot when we first met in high school but then let herself go and got a potbelly and turkey neck with a hairy chin more like whoa I should have brushed my teeth before I left the house this morning did you really not brush your teeth this morning isn't really the most important thing to respond to after that speak how about excuse me but I find you very inappropriate I will be calling your supervisor more inappropriate things that she for no reason finds endearing we're under attack what was on his computer screen I hope it was big bold letters that read we're under attack what do you talking about she decides to leave her kid in the room with a strange man who was just creepily checking her out and then walks back in acting like they're being cute talking about video games together not judging but what are you doing in the closet is this the third or fourth inappropriate thing he said while he's there I lost Ken I'm mostly crying oh well I'm drinking and she answers him honestly this guy could actually be a real creep or rapist and you're just telling him you're vulnerable and drinking in a room with only one escaped but why in the closet because I don't want Matty to see me well she told him literally everything about his dad cheating on her well damaged do you think this could do Shirley out of this sippy cup couldn't she just drink it straight out of the bottle or was that not pathetic enough so if an alien creature shoots an earthly object of any kind it turns into tiny Allspark cubes why would shooting something cause it to take on the properties of the thing that shot it even the fire it creates is all QB this is way too complicated for this film I'm sure we will never get an answer took most of his arm to get pixelated before he started screaming it's just where I thought I'd be at this point my wife spilling your guts to a middle-aged stranger in tech support is a pretty low point but does this person have no friends whoa are you trying to kiss me violet let's Sam get 90% of the way in for a kiss before she realizes what a bad idea this is let's just say I was a billionaire and we were out on my giant yacht in the middle of the Mediterranean sipping champagne and I went in to kiss you would you have kiss me back then why is she acting like he duped her with this question she could just say it's because you're kind of gross and not charming it has nothing to do with your profession but instead she seems like she's kind of into this guy which I got by I don't think Sam has ever brushed his teeth us normal teeth brushes know that he is missing two key ingredients toothpaste and water whoa she went from zero to psycho in 3.4 seconds and I think she went to psych though as soon as she was remotely interested in Sam Brenner is she not the least bit curious as to why he's also going to the White House I know they have AV needs there but I feel like a high ranking military official should assume it's not the nerd squad and subsequently question him instead of making faces Colonel Van Patten and she's military brass what a serendipitous coincidence why are you following me they're far enough into the West Wing at this point for her question to be long overdue obvious use of moonwalk stunt double our Air Force Base in Guam was attacked does Brenner have a certain level of security clearance that allows him to moonwalk into the Oval Office and have the president just tell him secrets yeah this up me yes you come here being the president Cooper has the entire US military at his disposal and there is no one in the military or any branch of government many of which are filled with nerdy video gamers that could identify what video game that sound was from can I sit in your chair no you can but you can't mess around with my laptop that probably has classified information on it like the video you just told him to watch and let's poke Java get it out who's Galaga can I really send a movie that is clearly very dumb for this Admiral one of the highest ranking officials in the military who says things like this the answer was yes if this sign is telling the truth Brenner should definitely not be allowed in this room and better yet the door should be closed and guarded by the Secret Service MIT yes Mississippi Institute of Technology if Sam Brenner is going to make up a school he should at least make one up that sounds better like South Harmon Institute of Technology mr. Brenner here was the world Galaga champion he apparently the arcade tournament where he became the Galaga champion was the only one that was ever held and he Ludlow in the fire blaster set all the arcade game records that are available to set and at this version though Blue Lagoon even though we're out of the 80s we're not done with 80s references does she really get to talk twice she's not even at the grown-ups table Adam Sandler is supposed to be the love interest for her keep in mind so I suggest the man in the orange shorts leave the room immediately Admiral who was just erratically saying crazy things is suddenly the voice of reason Gandalf and Harry Potter in the same room imagine not only is that not even close and aggressively unfunny how has Brenner not been forcefully ejected from the White House at this point Brenner has a brief moment of super-strength and hits Ludlow so hard he flies to the back of the van defies the latch on the back door and lands in the street his name is Bao Bao is that a Pacific Islander name no I don't think so is it lazy racism in an Adam Sandler movie yes yes it is something peculiar interrupted Sophia Bush's sexy shenanigans now I guess I can wrap my head around no one watching One Tree Hill reruns but no government agency was able to intercept that message that Ludlow just happened to record this actually may seem plausible after meeting the president and his top ranking military officials inhabitants of Earth the winner takes the losers planet so aliens find a time capsule that's been shot into the infinity of outer space take it seriously and head to earth to basically play a game still slightly less implausible than Sandler ending up with Michelle Monaghan okay I lost about halfway through why does Madonna I want to take over our planet the President of the United States got lost watching something that I not the president was able to comprehend he no I was only half paying attention this Indian kid is somehow not brownface Rob Schneider granted we'd send that too and probably add ten to fifty cents but seems like Rob Schneider needs to be in this somehow even if it's to take an Indian actors job away why this kid the last trophy was taken from the actual site that was attacked this kid was a few miles away they must also be upset that he wasn't played by one of Adam Sandler's friends and then I was watching you through a window not only does brother get to be in areas with no security clearance but now so does Ledlow and he's clearly unstable so these creatures are made from intelligent light energy that doesn't really check out because light is in traditional matter it is photons that have properties of both waves and particles that carry energy proportional to the radiation frequency but has zero rest mass yet these things seem to be solid and have force and that doesn't really explain why everything the light energy cubes come into contact with turn into more light cubes what I'm sorry I'm being told to stop trying to inject photon physics into an Adam Sandler movie about arcade games where Kevin James is the president they calm down pretty quick when we hit them with some supercharged light particles she said they calm down in her magical light cannons simply destroyed it and the slot seeking us flawed premise of the film in Compton 80s references seem like it's a movie for Gen Xers but appear I'll joke about [ __ ] makes it seem like it's for thirteen-year-old boys how about we meet in the middle and say it's for no one is that how you got into the Mississippi Institute of Technology violet seems like she should be an intelligent woman lieutenant colonel apparent quantum physicist yet she keeps flirt fighting with this guy who was clearly a loser [ __ ] can anyone just bring their friends or kids to top-secret military labs Maddie's old enough to be left alone in her office but here's fine I guess president Cooper doesn't seem to have a moment of doubt for bringing Ludlow into the situation nor do any of the other military officials say this man is unstable and shouldn't be allowed in here but suddenly it might be comin in handy to saving our planet they still seem to be operating under the notion that Brenner and Ludlow are the only ones that are capable of helping in this situation because they compete it in but didn't really win an arcade gaming championship in a suburb of DC over 30 years ago someone should tell them that there are thousands of gamers out there who are probably more capable during this montage they go over things that people who have walked past in arcade would know you don't want to get hit by a boulder in asteroids or you can't climb a ladder with the hammer and Donkey Kong what about those patterns those seem to be extremely important yet neither Brenner nor Ludlow are taking the time to explain them where they go-go-going to so quickly are they running to the middle of the field just to stand try not to cause total panic if he's interested in not causing total panic why would they aggressively send troops into that low with no explanation also Sean Bean isn't dying in this scene I don't want to hear another word out of you this is the first military guy to say the right thing to Ludlow I had two days to do things never done before on this planet sir this lieutenant colonel with the help of a robot with a head shaped like the alien from alien with an eyes flashlights in two days at this point in the movie okay sure just remember who you're talking to Missy thanks to the military for stepping in to make the gamers seem positively enlightened regarding gender politics isn't it a coincidence that the character Sandler plays just so happened to wear the same ill-fitting schlub clothes he favors okay this has very little to do with video game knowledge they're just shooting guns at something which is what the military trains for normally not only should they be able to handle this but they should be able to handle it better than Brenner and Ludlow those guns are probably heaviest yet out of shape Brenner just grabs it and starts accurately shooting like this the same as using the controls on an arcade game we're the only ones who can do this there are probably thousands of people that can do this and in a normal world some of those people would be in the military let the Nerds take over fantasy wish fulfillment cliche Brenner and Ludlow or shooting these things right above their heads and light energy pixels are raining down on them and they're not getting hurt aren't these the same objects they had in a containment chamber in the lab I guess being an arcade game champion exempts you from looking while shooting so they actually collecting points here why are these numbers appearing this is mostly just a just don't die situation very convenient that their 2d gaming skills translated so well into the third dimension why does this simply decide to go rogue that's not part of the game old person not noticing mayhem going on behind them because they are hard of hearing or too focused on their mundane tasks cliche also wholly overuse of cliche cliche Brenner decides to rapid-fire kill the centipede moments before it gets to the kid when he clearly had the chance to do it in the old lady's apartment earlier and didn't also why is this child alone on the street at night is he a drug dealer oh look Dan Akroyd slicker looks like Adam Sandler held up his end of the deal and then the old woman then the duck hunt dog ran away together it lived happily ever after I say this because we never see the duck hunt dog again also I thought all the aliens face they're done stuff they got from 1982 how do they know about duck hunt or Madonna in fact there are a lot of suspiciously 1984 things coming down from the aliens in this movie not hacking cell phone companies and adding one of those fees you see on your bill every week would have no idea what it is made about 50 million before he was convicted we haven't convicted anyone working for AT&T or Verizon for doing that same thing in this universe or theirs I hope he don't zap me with his space go Peter just Peter no pick one of them we'll set up a coffee serena williams and we are closed it's funny easy because powerful successful women are nothing more than prizes do be want you'll say it every time it appears the right stuffs hero walk cliche this time with too much fog couldn't do a second take is it necessary to the aliens since a Fairplay that the cars be the same color as the ghosts in pac-man and we're hauling on many ghosts how long have they known that this battle was going to be pac-man regardless any amount of time seems like not enough time to develop light particle forcefield whatever she said cars why did she need to buckle them in I know Sandler movies have insanely juvenile protagonists but this is ridiculous does he need a mean mommy lady to wipe his butt to not lose right you do smell good he's just as obnoxious as he's ever been but now she's charmed by his garbage personality for no logical reason I love how they hired Jane Krakowski to not really say anything for the entire movie the military didn't clear the area which will make this battle more difficult oh also loss of civilian life man it's a bad guy did no one proofread the script before they made this movie they should know by now that pac-man is the bad guy what did they think their ghost mini coopers were forward also pac-man shouldn't be the bad guy you play the game as pac-man not the ghosts they should be in a giant pac-man car looking for dots and avoiding ghosts not ghost cars looking to get pac-man Pokemon is not bad I created him to bring joy to all the people of the world guess I should also explain the Toru Iwatani should know that that is not actually pac-man it's an alien that's made to look like pac-man he's my son Toru your itani has clearly gone mad he's gonna get his hand bitten off now it was in the trailer that was some twisted pinocchio-geppetto stuff right there for the amount of time it took for you to say that you think a lap or two might come out of me but damned if it didn't not only are these guys experts at video games and light cannon shooting but they are also expert stunt drivers Pacman's got 10 seconds where he can eat us did violet design the ghost cars to be compatible with power pellets because that seems like something you would want to avoid if that man is faster than the ghost how has pac-man not eaten Brenner yet and now with nothing but a Mini Cooper and arcade game knowledge Brenner is going to back through a concrete wall and land on an adjacent roof without damaging his ghost car the military has been unsuccessful of securing any area throughout this entire movie I don't know when we were them failing or them actually pulling this off why have they decided to develop this guy as kind of a sign antagonist after we have made it two-thirds of the way through the movie maybe they just paid Brian Cox for a certain amount of screen time and they wanted to get their money's worth you had a pretend you're the guy and you don't want to die I know Brenner is gonna act like this is silly but it was basically what he was doing when he fought the centipede in the old lady's apartment and when he defeated pac-man as soon as they introduced these arcade characters to the real world they threw out all the precious patterns why is it that all the other arcade characters are destroyed forever when they get broken up but Qbert gets to bust into a million pieces and just come right back together and seem happy about it no one moves to impeach the president after these dance moves you and Will Smith talked about this they promised me an island if I did this I assume she's talking about being in the movie I don't know why but Qbert and a tux really makes me upset the filmmakers wanted to get their money's worth so they made Tony award-nominated actor Josh GAD Singh in the movie you know what +10 sins for any other extraneous eighties reference that appears just in case I lose count someone with your skills you'd be better off inventing technology rather than installing it I must have missed Brenner skills for inventing technology as the guys good at video games and went to a fictional school in Mississippi you know I had my shot when I was a kid their kids how was that his last chance he was 12 years old for him playing video games was a hobby and he just happened to be really good at it and why am i explaining this to a grown man who can't hear me a cop fished these out of the East River the night you fell in there's no way someone could find a pair of sunglasses in the East River there are things a lot larger than a pair of sunglasses in the East River that have yet to be recovered the pac-man cheat code for SuperSpeed you're a cheater yes he's a cheater but he was driving a pink car he had no way to input a cheat code into where did violet get a jumpsuit did they have a lady jumpsuit just in case one showed up who could help or did they stay up all night making her a jumpsuit they tried to take me to some underground bunker so I went wrong so the chubby president in a Chewbacca mask was able to escape the secret service and also find an arcade jumpsuit of his own along the way Ludlow gets his wish lady Lisa is real and this really works out for him because she isn't pixelated she's Ashley Benson Ashley Benson doesn't speak during this entire film making her the greatest actress in the movie this is the only video game monster that turned into a human being presumably so this very moment wouldn't be so disgusting but it's still kind of disgusting one day you suck at isn't he like the best in the world at everything and just the second best at Donkey Kong let's give him a little credit mr. president pee Burt also thanks to the movie speed joke I had to write Qbert urinates in my notes plus two sins for shaming me unless the aliens have lessen the gravity on the spaceship violet Brenner and Cooper have all suddenly become parkour experts good of Donkey Kong to let them have this conversation during the battle also how did Eddie put cheat codes into an arcade game and I don't remember any cheats for classic arcade Donkey Kong that would allow you to get a super high school by the way on earth three people are taking on an entire swarm of videogame bad guys and one of them used to be one of the bad guys so can see the bind I'm in reset fight now that Brenner has had a small pep talk he becomes amazing at the game and easily defeats it okay fine why does Qbert need help he just popped back to life from being flattened oh and we never see the aliens I guess it would have cost too much to animate all these game characters and aliens lady Lisa no our weird hero gets a sex toy after all what a great message and no one else is weirded out by this that was just Qbert this movie is now officially so bad Adam Sandler is sitting it from within Serena Williams was pretty disgusted with Eddie at the awkward adult prom that happened earlier yet she's waiting in the Lincoln Bedroom for a three-way with Eddie and Martha Stewart also how did Martha Stewart find out about this three-way I could have done without this that means Qbert didn't become lady Lisa but was Qbert just transformed to look like Lady Lisa which means Ludlow Qbert good night everybody what's it gonna be like up there 200 degrees in sunlight - 200 the shade canyons of razor sharp rock unpredictable gravitational conditions unexpected eruptions things like that okay so the scary environment manageable thanks that's all yes I scarce environment imaginable you feel you've been rehabilitated oh yes want to attach your name to a world record when you want your name written into history you have to pay the price typical Roman I wanna get this money come on thanks for being my friend thank you for being afraid and I've been waitin to do this since 1982 I'm gonna kill anybody since 1984 you want to have my name beyond my blood

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 14,562,552

Rating: 4.8726654 out of 5

Keywords: wave jockey job, pixels, pixels review, cinemasins, movie review, eww, everything wrong with, adam sandler, cinema sins, sins

Id: FZ7rIFGuGMk

Length: 20min 26sec (1226 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 12 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/imthecopilot]

I was expecting a reference to Futurama. "Movie steals idea from an episode of a cartoon about a man who's frozen for 1000 years yet is 1000 times less realistic than said cartoon."

[u/JacP123]

Fuck this movie.

^{This is a link, BTW}

[u/ROBOT_B9]

Does this mean CinemaSins will do Jack and Jill at one point? Because that may be the most sin filled movie ever.

[u/Un1337ninj4]

This is the only Sins video I couldn't readily sit through. Not for the jests pointed at the content, but for some reason I find the film itself to be offensive/cringe-worthy to the point of creating a singularity.

[u/DJPizzaBagel]

I hope if I ever see an interview with Josh Gad, he's listed as "Tony-nominated actor, probable Q*Bert fucker"

[u/thatnerdguy]

I feel kind of conflicted about this. I'm pleased this got sinned, but I wish the movie would just get ignored and vanish. I genuinely hate this fucking disaster of a film.

[u/TheAngryAlt]

THIS SINS VIDEO IS PERFECT AND I DEFY ANYONE TO SAY OTHERWISE

[u/IanMazgelis]

I've never seen anything but the trailer and the Sins video, but I have to give them credit for a decent premise, even if it's been done.

[u/haldad]

I really wanted Fant4stic, but I can wait. Great video!