Everything Wrong With Deadpool 2 In 19 Minutes Or Less

[Music] seriously how long do you think they'll wait before they put a replica of the castle from the magic kingdom right between the two and the zero jesus christ if you're going to subvert something movie try working on these 36 seconds of [ __ ] logos hang on this is ultimately a pretty apartment right but there's a six burner stove that's like chef quality also if he's trying to get a bunch of gas in here why didn't dp turn on the last burner on the end and now the [ __ ] stove controls are turned every which way rather than being on the maximum effort setting we just saw deadpool put them on my point is why can't this movie [ __ ] stove correctly just because you're a deadpool movie doesn't get you out of a showing a love story through a photocollage montage cliche wolverine sitting deadpool for narration is like sending chocolate chip cookies because they contain chocolate chips but i actually prefer chocolate chipless chocolate chip cookies and we've got a job to do here so narration guess what wolfie i'm dying in this one too yeah but not really like you're asking for an emotional payoff for multiple fake-out deaths in this movie at least logan had the decency to stay deceased i don't speak cantonese mr well i'm not even going to attempt that funny joke but did deadpool seriously come all the way to hong kong without knowing this motherfucker's name what kind of plan was this and how long was he waiting in there is this really more effective than say jumping out from behind a tree or was ryan just longing to relive his time on the buried set let's see captain america do that dude there are some great shout outs to other superheroes in multiple universes but doesn't this one feel forced like other than spraying the funeral with bullets couldn't cap do all the deadpool's doing here sure we are far enough away to not see that it's way doing some dead pole dancing why are these guys right up front still cheering like they think it's demi moore from 20 years ago aside from the fact that these jacuzzi yakuza have caught a bad case of one at a time itus why doesn't a single one of them have a gun on them no one thought to bring a jacuzzi oozie also despite that i've gotta give it up for the fight choreography in this movie jesus who even thinks of fights like this dozens of severed arms legs and heads but yes please blur this man's giggle stick because who will think of the children that babysitter of yours is high as right now damn i didn't realize how much my nana like to party i know we want to see all the bad action behind him but how is his [ __ ] supposedly running at top speed when the stuff behind him is happening in real time little uh can't maintain an erection and thus begins the annoying trend of the exact same beat from the first movie happening in the sequel remember when i kidnapped panthroo and threatened him with great violence deadpool 2 expects us to remember the dopinder f story from the last movie look i've seen the first deadpool dozens of times and even i forgot that happened you gotta grab those dreams grab those dreams by that tip and make it rain i don't know what that means i don't know what that means there's a cheap and easy beat in a comedy movie cliche diarrhea we can't be sure to like get the suit off but uh all signs point to yes man deadpool movies have as many poop jokes as a goddamn shrek movie and i'm sending that crap number one it totally taints this franchise and is a stain on the logarithmic nature of the dialogue and number two it wipes clean any of the goodwill from the more intelligent humor might want to dump on us later baby factory is open for business oh my god oh that's sweet but like most superheroes that choose to procreate you gotta wonder about some things like how much deadpool's mutilated dna would affect a fetus is he okay with potentially having offspring that is impervious to death does he even have sperm that could fertile oh wait this totally means vanessa's gonna die so we won't have to think any further about this you are not your father i know we're trying to squeeze some substance into this sequel but is this really what we're here for if deadpool knows he's in a movie he should know that she's about to bite it right what about bruce wait did deadpool somehow develop spidey sense or did morgan freeman train him to do this by getting his ass kicked by angelina jolie considering deadpool is extremely aware of his inability to die wouldn't he do everything he can to push this fight out into the hallway to protect someone he knows is vulnerable instead of you know diving across a counter and ducking out of sight to give them more time to shoot up the place okay since this moment sets the entire plot in motion let's break it down shall we first even beyond the character says i'm okay but then surprise they aren't okay cliche why is this final gunman waiting so long was he a big deadpool fanboy and just couldn't attack until he heard a good cheese spreader joe second dead fool has time to recognize the look on her face completely turn around and throw the spreader but discount on nara doesn't have time to quickly drop to the floor third wade has wrapped up each previous baddie in the scuffle with inhumanely accurate knife throwing skills but here he not only misses the vinyl organs he completely misses the entire person and four i swear if i see one more person turn their head and follow a slow-mo bullet in a movie i will force-feed the entirety of hollywood toaster strudels with mayonnaise icing holy sergei went exactly where deadpool guessed like he could have hidden in the hallway for a while and escaped easily do we have to do these credits with all the in-jokes again isn't the bond parody and the genuinely good celine dion song enough that's like saying narration or role credits or logos man in every video wait you smell like sauerkraut left in the warm rain this goes on for some time and gets progressively less funny just trust me are you pissing are you urinating right now you're making the face that you make when you hear me hi lowest common denominator i'd like to place an order for one piss joke for deadpool 2. please hold sure i'll hold they're tied up in a complicated deal with the despicable me franchise i thought you saw me with your ears man it's hard to overstate how these movies would be if anyone other than ryan reynolds was playing this character i'm conflicted on whether this qualifies as a sin this movie rips off groundhog day even worse than happy death day also until he gets to the gasoline trick in the apartment how the would wade expect any of this crap to kill him he's clearly survived much worse so this is really just for the audience hey it looks like wade made it to the upside down yes there's something here i can't get can i can't get to you are we really supposed to buy into this emotion you can't spend three minutes asking me to take you seriously and the rest of the time making dick and fart jokes while breaking every fourth wall in sight he says self-referentially blessed by my hand i feel like the writers used all their supply of villain nuance on cable and said get to the rest of the bad guys so is there the same fight between humans and mutants in this universe as there is in the x-men universe seems like deadpool and the other mutants are able to operate with impunity with no resistance from humans but here they drop us into a mutant conversion facility with barely a mention of the underlying politics some ground rules while under our roof rule number one but colossus has the handbook halfway open did they seriously wait until the goddamn middle of the book to start talking about the rules also pretty sure colossus would have the rules memorized by this point especially you know the first one about not killing anyone i said no touching how long has wade been here he's just now getting introduced to the rules and meeting ntw and yukio for the first time but he's super well healed after having been blown all the way up doesn't that take a long time to reverse and how does he even heal we've never seen his parts reattached before they just grow back so did this body eventually sprout from his head i'm just saying the whole aftermath of the catastrophic suicide attempt is way idiotic here hilarious bit truly a laugh-out-loud moment but why what are the x-men doing in there i couldn't wade here or see them before now why wouldn't they want to talk to wade anyway when the [ __ ] killed vanessa caught away he means himself so this is really just a slight modification of the pronoun game and you know how we feel about that around here i'm gonna tell you what the big lie is toilet paper geez between this interstellar thor ragnarok unsane the third wheel and team america it's clear that matt damon would rather cameo for the rest of his career than train for another [ __ ] bourne movie the [ __ ] is colossus doing calisthenics for does his metallic shape really require cardio something wrong with the soap it's fine i just felt it so this implies wade literally jerked off into the soap dispenser right is that the joke and why would colossus even use soap and water anyway this movie definitely decided to go with quantity over quality for the jokes that's a terrible idea i'm really not ready what's wade's plan here i know he's faking like he's found some heart and he's playing by the rules of the mansion but is he really content with sitting around the house i thought he wanted to be involved this kid needs to be the ice box not here russell belongs in our care man this sure is a casual conversation to be having while only several feet away from an out of control fire throwing mutant sure russell's in a temper tantrum but why is he taking it out on the x-men they're the only ones that are actually trying to talk to him and they're clearly one of his own despite the other two going straight backwards as a result of russell's fireball deadpool somehow curves up into this window just so we can get a super forced wolverine ryan reynolds joke this is the perfect way for deadpool to knock russell out of the picture and it's a beautiful shot holy that's awesome got a power restraint on him now so the human police have collar restraints for the mutants like when they get that technology and if it's available why the hell is the headmaster using that throat device that clearly doesn't work you let me down for the last time jesus can we give colossus anything else to do except try and fail to rehabilitate weed this is like the least efficient prison ever made why are the cells so far apart why is there so much room it's not like they need to mitigate any mutant powers that's what the suddenly convenient collars are for my whole life i've been waiting for someone to come and save me nobody's gonna sacrifice anything for me sacrifice also this underscores my question about russell's behavior outside the school there were actual superheroes there trying to help him and they were the only ones he unleashed on i'm just saying that if he has this much insight he'd be able to recognize an opportunity nothing worse than a pretty gay away type guy in case you missed the allegory about the mutant rehabilitation wade's here to properly smash you over the head with it i've got tumors to grow vanessa awaits so is wade planning on just dying or getting his heart right before he does because i thought that was the whole point of the sanctimonious house mom routine before this whole mission it's nice to see some fresh faces around here yeah and what's up with that even though they were arrested at the same place why did wade and russell end up in the exact same set he's only 14. don't they have a juvenile block at the icebox wait they were just in a full-on prison fight and all they got was sent back to their fairly plush cell i mean aside from the rampant bullying and the unhygienic conditions this ain't a bad place to stay sure it makes a nice symbolic touchstone for us but how exactly did deadpool manage to bring this token sentimental token token in with him token damn once you get inside this prison apparently you can go anywhere guys i'm pretty sure the movie's telling us that cable killed this guy by breaking the [ __ ] out of his arm that was ourselves yeah but the doors literally just opened four seconds before this blast so why are both of you all surviving and stuff convenient easily short-circuited power canceling necklace is convenient so you're from the future i have three questions then one is dubstep still a thing damn when was the script written that hasn't really been popular since 2011. i'm pretty sure the last few minutes of this action sequence qualifies it as armed mutilation porn and there's a good chance that it was secretly directed by david cronenberg oh no wade has been injured i totally care about this because he's never gonna recover also cable's been spending all this time on beating up wade when his primary mission is currently incapacitated and standing in the adjacent prison wait how did wade almost die again he just hit his head on a rock and fell into a lake which is really no worse than all the cable did to him back at the prison damn it movie what are the rules that word selfless i literally don't know what that means me this is like the third i don't know what that means joke in the movie and it just keeps getting dumber well so after that big fight i guess everyone escaped the frosty mountain landscape and went back to their corners wade went back to the bar cable back to his hotel room he had already broken into the prison and picked everything up why didn't he go back and finish the job he was right there i'm lucky that's not a superpower yeah it is no it is wade's dismissal of this becomes a running joke but is it that crazy of an ocean especially compared to all the other they're seeing today everything usually just kind of works out for me like 2008 ryan reynolds i don't know who that is god damn it this is getting [ __ ] grating also there's so many meta ryan reynolds jokes in this movie that i'm about to overdose it made sense in the first movie and there's a really good one at the end of this movie but we get it self-deprecating made some terrible movies renaissance with this character can we move on let's go we interrupt this deadpool movie to bring you con air to cruise control disease maybe the con that leaves you more machine than this sure sure cable's over dramatic but no one in the movie is going to point out that the obvious star wars rip-off they call colossus on that robocop bring on the cardinals baby why is the mutant that spits asset wearing a guard that would keep him from doing so i mean i know cyclops has his special glasses but that's because his gazer beams are always on and need to be contained but considering this guy hasn't even spit acid once i'm not sure what this is supposed to do for anyone this scene is [ __ ] amazing and you can bet your happy ass i'm gonna be taking some sins off for it but i do have to knock it a bit for the using ac dc's thunderstruck in an action sequence cliche not to mention that only domino actually uses her ability to stop her from dying but no one else even tries like couldn't bedlam somehow manipulate the electricity around him to anyway you see where i'm going and for that i'm only going to remove three cents also this scene is goddamn awesome never underestimate a man with a mustache just ask anyone in brooklyn seriously when was the script written a lot of these jokes feel as stale as tj miller's career just ask my own joke about it oh god i gotta throw up in my mask we've already seen you behead and dismember multiple enemies with all sorts of copious amounts of hemoglobin spatter are we really supposed to believe that becoming queasy is even an option for you at this point yes it makes for good cinema but why the [ __ ] would the prison transport the most dangerous mutants in the world straight through the middle of a major metropolitan area oh yeah wearing the hood made you totally incognito to anyone you passed on the street another amazingly constructed scene but i ain't taking sins off for this one since domino has already killed dozens of likely innocent bystanders in this scene alone discount hulk also is this really the most efficient drop-in for cable to make like wouldn't it be easier to pick a shorter building or just be on the ground waiting for the convoy ends up running after them on the street [Music] anyway even in a movie this ludicrous this works damn any more of these shots and i'm gonna have to formally introduce a deadpool gets hilariously made by a speeding vehicle cliche i'd ask who you are but you'll be dead in a second does anyone else think that cable is extremely easy this job i mean his sole focus has been to kill russell but he keeps fiddle farting around with secondary characters and stupid one-liners wait these convict containers aren't bulletproof then why aren't they already riddled with gunshots considering the amount of ammunition that has been unloaded already in this truck why is this even possible and have we seen anything in our time with peewee kiwi here to think that he would know how to do this knock knock okay i know we have to get the characters from point a to point b but there were a lot of inmates in the icebox did they all fit in one transport including a special cell for the most dangerous mutant ever i'll admit it's mildly frustrating that deadpool and domino both have actual superpowers that completely short-circuit any attempt that they survived this but since cable and russell were on there too they survived this i'm gonna rip you in half now i never thought i'd prefer anything from x-men the last stand but at least their version of juggernaut was much more believable than this like why is this character even here also why is he so pissed at deadpool anyway there are plenty of other people around here to maim if he's just in the mood i suppose there's some explanation in some rando comic from 1996 but they could also say something about it in the movie you know dobbs get me out of here please use my arms as backpack straps help me understand how deadpool experiences paint we know he feels what happens to him but then does it immediately go away i mean he's sitting um propped up here completely split in two wouldn't that still at least sting a little bit so everyone left cable there and walked off but they know he's trying to kill russell god damn this movie resets itself constantly with very little logical reason why is your hand so tiny again it's not my hand at least 30 of this movie is copy pasted die along from two years ago it's like he's a muppet from the waist down but this time you can see the muppets movie repeats the entire pitch meeting for the happy time murders you picked the wrong future boy is that really necessary the discussion in the writer's room somehow made it into the final script i got two charges one to get me here one to get me home oh that's just lazy writing is it because it sure is all better than using the device for a million different moments if you may go back and stop the people that took your girl would you whoa how does cable know about vanessa he didn't even get here until after wade had moved into the mansion it's smart jokes like these that make this sequel far superior to the original movie i really wanted to match you know i'd be a menacing team this scene means absolutely nothing and is exactly the reason extended edition sucks i said it throwing more nonsense in just because you can doesn't make anything better he said self-referentially say whatever it is you're here to say what i'll say is where the [ __ ] were those guys during the whole x-force versus cable fight downtown a few hours ago they obviously show up at scenarios like that since they were johnny on the spot when russell first went nuclear was there seriously no way to write these [ __ ] back into the movie until now it takes a while for wade to grow his legs back then they have to go to the mansion on the way to the orphanage so what took russell and juggernaut so long didn't they leave immediately from the crash scene to go kill the headmaster sure they stopped at the big and tall place but how long would that take did this movie even bother with a timeline pseudo-clever quips only cover up so much trust me i know it's at this point in the movie that the score consists of a chorus repeating holy boss which is funny but really only in the same way as billy lighting his farts on fire in middle school okay so we covered blind al being blind deadpool breaking the fourth wall deadpool being maimed in various ways poop jokes and dopinder being nerdy comic relief did we miss anything else from the first movie oh i almost forgot to impale dp in the head during the last act huh that would have been embarrassing i know our focus is supposed to be on the deadpool colossus romance but why doesn't juggernaut just tear cable in two right here we saw him do it to red dead reprehension earlier right big cgi fight coming up sure but just because you call attention to it doesn't excuse that russell bingo considering they've already been here at least five minutes already when exactly does that whole arbitrary 30 second thing start it's clear that domino is a martial arts badass but why her mutant power is locked why would she ever have to do any training of any kind whatsoever are you calling me mother that's racist shock humor that's how we do it in mother russia really you take down super villains by shoving a live wire up their ass and use a force blast to propel them into water man i knew putin was bad but this is a whole new level i got one more idea it's just a really bad one even for me sure but considering his last necklace just shorted out how is this one even functional after everything wade's been through in the last 20 minutes you're gonna kill someone today then it's gotta be me yeah but wade just got hit with a massive blast of fire then immediately put the mutant collar on shouldn't he be dying of the burn wounds already bear it worked but if the bear changed back because the future is different doesn't that mean cable would never show up here to begin with well i'm going to need some straws and joseph gordon-levitt with bruce willis's nose to explain this go to hell time travel you're the worst before i go this happens way too many times man what are you going for here straight comedy actual emotion testing the audience's patience i'm going with c oh cool dead weight looks exactly like that dude from the proposal kiss me like you miss me red well come here i appreciate the effort to make this ending emotional but given that this will all be undone in this overtly insubordinate movie i can't get on board it's like trying to trick yourself into having an actual orgasm when you're [ __ ] your cousin you time sliding son of a [ __ ] you did this for me why is wade glad to be saved here when the last time he went through this he stopped colossus from breaking the necklace and saving it i guess you could say it's because he saw vanessa but he doesn't remember that right and if he did why did he play dumb the second time through a family so where are these [ __ ] going the threat is pretty much over and they're walking away from the still alive juggernaut they end up back at the mansion eventually right are they going for shwarma because i don't think you can fit any more into the post-credit footage that was probably a bad idea what have we done oh i know you've created a hilarious but totally unnecessary post-credit sequence that feels like ryan reynolds indulging himself a little too much passion of the christ then we beat them overseas where there's no such thing as religion remember the movie interview with a vampire you're my tom cruise and you're my kristen dunst kristen kirsten i was fighting a caped bad ass then we discovered his mom is named martha too in star wars men are destined to become their father and then have consensual sex with her sister you need to just keep living thank you matthew mcconaughey your words are a treasure there's got to be some way to die i just need to die harder all these old guys on the wall who lives here calista flockhart carrying three feet off the ground to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb emus live here at a breaking news stitch come quietly or there will be trouble you stole that from robocop robocop is there like a sorting hat my superpower is just unbridled cancer me a bow and arrow and basically hawkeye what did i do to piss off a grumpy old [ __ ] with a winter in every film there's a moment when the hero hits rock bottom in cool runnings it was when john candy's prize bobsled broke in human centipede it was when those people signed on to be in that movie hands off that kid john connor give me your best shot one-eyed willy oh god that hurt suck it mel gibson zip it than us we have a deal hey big guy the sun's getting real low i want some more i bet you do brown panther build a statue for me he's gonna go straight to jail if you name him earl i'm just trying to be a better person my name is earl i love you i know say it say what you said every time you tortured me no you're doing what comes naturally still they're happy as can be doing what comes naturally four or five moments great moments are born from great opportunity no capes this is the end [Music] i don't feel so good it was my fault she died

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 10,350,065

Rating: 4.6429505 out of 5

Keywords: deadpool, deadpool 2, ryan reynolds, cinemasins, movie, cable, cinema sins, mistakes, everything wrong with, wave jockey job, eww, review

Id: -M7kcJr8QY0

Length: 21min 4sec (1264 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 04 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/ROBOT_B9]

Huh, this and the original had the same amount of sins.

[u/wellroundedtool]

Did he call Morena Baccarin discount Inara?

[u/SailorSaturn79]

This has been my favorite movie of 2018 so far. But there’s still plenty of 2018 left!