Everything Wrong With Ant-Man In 19 Minutes Or Less

CGI'd eh Michael Douglas is getting CGI th Jeff Bridges from Tron 2 a run for his CGI th money if only you'd protected Janet with such ferocity this sounds like a terribly mean thing to say to a guy who lost his wife but realize that he's only trying to give exposition to the audience you've already lied to him now you want to go to war with him yes wait where the book that your bloody nose go 26 second Marvel logo can go consult movie needs to tell you this is the present-day because honestly Paul Rudd looks the same now as he did back in 1989 I'm serious yeah I'm not going back I got a daughter to take care of do you not have that same daughter to take care of before you went to prison because the only way you didn't is if you only served like five months or something which I doubt since that would make you like a small-time felon who I shouldn't feel that sorry for welcome to baskin-robbins would you like to try our mango fruit blast baskin-robbins accepted this product placement slash insult on behalf of their underpaid employees at first glance this all looks ordinary and normal but then you notice the boss apparently rides a motorcycle the employee of the month plaque is kept hanging above the bosses personal sink the microwave when the Shelf here is not plugged in there else it would be displaying the time or flashing 12 o'clock right now and I'm pretty sure that's a rubber chicken right next to the microwave then you start to notice like this near the bottom shelf which contains a metal bucket a huge decorative wicker ball and what looks like a pumpkin shaped candle holder and starts getting weird now I haven't even gotten to his bald spot or the two obvious Fantastic Four Silver Surfer posters near the doorway Rudy makes a huge joke out of his master's in electrical engineering which buys him a job at King baskin-robbins which is some total bullsh look mrs. 2015 even with a prison record if you were some kind of uber genius there is definitely a job for you out there better than fast food if you at least look for it from more than one day I got fired damn they find who you are why did you lie to baskin-robbins about your criminal past you lied to Merrill Lynch about your criminal past not King discount Dairy Queen baskin-robbins always finds a bro while I'm laughing I'd like to point out that his buddy Louise knew Scott was gonna work for baskin-robbins and somehow didn't tell him this age-old adage of baskin-robbins always finds out that's current he was Folsom for five years he also did a stretch at Arkham Asylum making him one of the few people to survive a DC Marvel lockup crossover nice job yes no no I have heard of this robbery I'm not sure you've heard that accent anywhere though and what does he do he hacks into the security system and trances millions back to the people that they stole it from and just like that all complexity and a man's character is erased by some after the fact noble backstory reasonable also in an attempt to make sure we're not rooting for a dirty thief movie makes Scott out to be a Robin Hood type where his crime was simply to punish an even bigger crime little perfect job no way suppose if friends try to get just released from prison guy to do more crime cliche movie tries to digitize modern-day Stanley onto Michael Douglas's body holy that's really Michael Douglas isn't it and ant-man whoa whoa roll credits but dude you're gonna have to loop us up before you go right into a silly name like that at least describe it as a man the size of an ant before naming it which should have been somewhere around the one-hour mark and should have at least entertained the idea of small soldier before discovering the copyright infringement propaganda tales to astonish hardy-har capable of altering the size of the wearer for the ultimate combat advantage why is size of an ant the ultimate combat advantage come to think of it why did you waste any time on this research instead of research to make humans ten times larger an all-purpose peacekeeping vessel the yellowjacket can manage any conflict I'm going to guess the guy who did the voiceover for this Yellow Jacket video was immediately murdered for having knowledge about the yellowjacket efficient in both preventative measures this is a super huge CGI motion graphics presentation that had to have been in production for weeks with a huge team of people and yet this announcement is still somehow surprise to everyone here except the guy making it and the elimination of obstructions on the road to peace even industrial videos know that when it goes down it goes down on the Golden Gate Bridge I think I found a guy cue our unlikely hero in some hilarious situation a kid's birthday party you might expect me to send Scott for giving this [ __ ] horrific rabbit death doll to his daughter but I'm instead going to send the fact that anyone would give this [ __ ] thing as a gift to anyone else what the actual you can't just show up here movie waste the awesomeness of Judy Greer in a thankless role cliche here Oh Scott yes hasn't he been in prison for three years isn't she like five how does she even remember him much let's make a hero out of him this is how far the technology is at this point you're trying to sell this already can't we have one bad guy who has all the tech in place before he comes out of the closet as evil also movie rips off the crazy science guy kills the military funding guy before he can shut down the super soldier experiments thing from spider-man goodbye Frank Frank flushing I just shrunk somebody into a tiny pile of goo face okay I appreciate that the point of this budget sheet is to show how committed he is to doing what it takes to see his daughter again but I can't let this slide he's making 72 dollars a month but his expenses are only thirty raise your hand if you can live on $30 in expenses a month go on oh wait I said go on also with an income of 72 bucks a month these rent base numbers over here on the left are pure fantasy right I don't see how he hopes to see his daughter in 377 days using these figures more like never so uh he tells me that she's working as a housekeeper now right this part is ridiculously awesome we will remove once in because this seems like exactly the type of thing Edgar Wright would have done how do you stay on the project this movie just got way more Italian job than I think it meant to wait you think it meant to well now that's even worse isn't it my favorite thing about ant-man is that the 2-hour movie had time for the Scott delivers waffles to the hacker guy scene I can love that scene man thank God this master thief is also a master chemist or else this would be a short-ass movie Ben no alarms you've been triggered Scott found all the stuff he needed in Hanks house to make a fingerprint and get inside the vault in five minutes okay so far this movie is MacGyver breaking Ocean's eleven bat this is the kind of crime where I would immediately look for the guy who has a master's in electrical engineering what has recently released for prison for theft and stays in an apartment with his former cellmate now we find out this is all set up by Hank anyway but even if it wasn't it's amazing Scott doesn't take the steps to make this look a little more amateurs it's a bust after going through two high-security vaults Scott's ready to declare this a bust without checking for secret rooms or hidden floors or really anything else in this place sanitize the workstation bring in subject 35 C why would you immediately bring in another test subject after this last one fail don't you need more research isn't this like a chemical you're trying to make requiring lots of lab time or is this guy so evil he's just killing animals for no good reason now Hiro looks into a mirror and wonders what the [ __ ] is up with himself cliche hey why doesn't he just hit that button again and grow large any reason Falls and hits these rusty pipes which do not break but he does break through the ceiling of a nightclub no problem he survives all this crap Garrett Morris makes a cameo his cab driver in the scene and he gets to say one line Wow exactly Garrett Morris exactly you don't understand no I don't expect you to because I'm only going to give you 10% of the information and the movies barely a quarter of the way in wait a minute how does this translate into this chick telling this guy that Hank has a safe and someone could break into it did Hank approach her and tell her one day there will be some money in your car you know what to do from there also of course the idea that this ends up working is absurd but I'm sending the fact that Hank is able to mastermind this just before this [ __ ] Darrin cracks the shrinking code with the world in the balance you think he'd need to be more direct than hoping some mad game of telephone is going to end up landing the guy he needs to break into Pym technologies geez why not give him a little more time to break out than this you could do this almost any time right besides getting into the suit in less than 10 seconds no wait shut a camera on an ant hey that's my line his name is 247 is Navin Amy as a number Scott you have any idea how many ants there are millions of guessing if not billions which makes it even more remarkable that he's somehow riding an ant with such a low number as 247 to begin with definitely no ants in the shot but voila total ant party when Scott tries to get out of the bed tiny ants here to serve as secret service to Scott hey does the movie ever try to explain how a guy who invented shrinking technology somehow managed to bond with literally the entire global ant population it doesn't wonderful Scott I've been watching you for a while ever since you robbed this to Corp like Gandalf Hank somehow thought he'd need a burglar for this job and even though he's got full access to the building through his daughter and nearly any trustworthy person could have put on the ant-man suit to do what he needed he decided to have a burglar try out which required a hundred things to go right before it could proceed how do you make them do that I use electromagnetic waves to stimulate their olfactory nerve center by over a minute and a half of pure raw unadulterated exposition so he conspired against me and you voted me out of my own company how can he do that the board's chairman is my daughter hope hope doesn't seem to be the I make business decisions based on my personal feelings time but then again I guess I'm supposed to know 43 years of ant-man history before I watch this movie silly me Scott I believe that everyone deserves a shot at redemption that's why I went looking for my partner in crime amongst the existing criminals as opposed to Olympic athletes stuntmen martial arts experts professional athletes or even regular people who haven't committed a crime Darren cross is a dick to tiny baby sheep that used to be normal-sized like honestly can't believe I just wrote that sentence I think our first move should be calling The Avengers yeah but getting all the actors to do an Avengers movie isn't cost-effective even though it makes total sense in reality and oh yeah Scott would be amazing at cinema since also this is funny but he's also right which serves to only exacerbate the movie's weaknesses as opposed to providing a moment of levity combined with a decent explanation why ant-man is on his own and smoothie this is doesn't shoot technology like the Iron Man suit whoa whoa whoa besides him probably too busy dropping cities out of the sky it's actually Ultron who does that Hank but nice inside joke I guess why are you in the suit you think I don't want to I can't spend years wearing it it took a toll on me um that doesn't mean you can't put it on one last time and save the world right you're not doing it yourself because of psychological issues also thanks for [ __ ] telling me after I've worn the suit several times ask George big you dive small then you emerged big why would you ever need to do that is that something that he'll specifically have to do in a short amount of time during this heist why can't he simply stay smiling the whole time and then here's a montage of him running into a door a bunch isn't this as simple as pressing a button to turn small learn about the suit but you've yet to learn about your greatest allies he's learned about the suit last time we checked like a dick this guy couldn't even charge big dime small and emerge big invites your greatest allies the ants but why just because you're small like them aren't you also small like fleas flies ticks mites bedbugs and a host of other insects the only reason answer involved here is because some [ __ ] named this soup thing ant-man and that's looking at movies definitely turns into Honey I Shrunk the Kids here there's a security guard posted o'clock we'll need you to take them out to deactivate the security systems or now stay with me you could just be a small bastard walk in there and deactivate the security system without doing any harm the tube was protected by a laser grid does it seem like the exact same blueprint to the death star from Star Wars read shrinks blue enlarges want it if you can shrink or enlarge anything you want why does this movie have any conflict dude a focus should be on helping Scott really is that where focus should be well you keep the father-daughter conflict big enough I promise not to care about it deal I don't know why I came you in the first place neither do i it seems like you have more than enough power Pym to sabotage cross from within think about Cassie but how badly you want to see her and use that to focus apparently the techniques of method acting will make the mind-control ant thing work I knew I had to shrink between the molecules to disarm the missile you mean you didn't have any technology to shrink and enlarge a bomb or something that could destroy the missile before it got to its target seems like many different ways to succeed that don't involve shrinking between molecules also how did you catch up to this missile as an ant and even if he could it seems like any fighter jet could have been called out to immediately fly out to this location and blow this thing out of the air also amazing Hank finally tells hope the truth after all these years right after Scott told her that the whole reason her dad didn't wonder in the suit was because he didn't want to lose her furthermore this is some truth that did not need to remain a secret for any reason other than a dramatic reveal an hour into the movie soon I was trying to protect you good god here's the I was trying to protect you both in another movie protect her from what loving you does he think by telling her what happened she try to replicate it ooh my mom went subatomic sounds awesome when can I try it and considering Hank locked his suit in a vault somewhere when was she ever gonna try it anyway feet go look I don't doubt that a squad of ants could jump out of a plane at this altitude and land anywhere near wait no I actually totally doubt that problem you didn't see the Avengers logo until now dick bat oh yes now we come to the whole reason why the scene was included four more Avengers tie-ins everyone's sitting around thinking you know what we need to prove that Ant Man is in the same universe as the Avengers how do we do that there we can put some cheeky dialogue in but we really need to see ant-man interact with I don't know let me throw this dart Falcon also thank God Falcon is in this movie to completely legitimize it with the rest of the Marvel Universe I mean could you imagine he can see me Wow Scott does this without the expectation of immediately getting his ass kicked and he's right Falcon is apparently never trying to kill an ant by stomping on it before especially in grass this was doomed from the start it gets to the point that these suits are so Marvel branded so much the same neither these characters look any different from one another you see that Falcon has the technology to see small things up close but I don't know how this dude keeps immediately finding the exact place where they're flying in order for it to work it's really important to me that cap never finds out about this haha isn't he a card no seriously watch Captain America Civil War coming to a theater near you also where the is everyone else Avengers related that after beating Falcon ant-man is able to just do as he pleases are they like Congress and they all just go home for several weeks at a time and why was Falcon here you jeopardized everything seems like that would have been the first thing he did once he got here but now this works better hey how about the fact that I fought an Avenger and didn't die well you fought Falcon who's technically an Avenger yes but like Lily that Hawkeye is an Avenger you feel me how did you get in here left the front door open Hank well sure any open door means come right in and be a creepy bastard sure all those years ago you picked me what did you see midi-chlorians there's something you guys need to see something that took 10 seconds while I was in prison will now take long enough that all of you are in an entirely different conversation by the time I get back you know I used to hate you but now I like you sarcastic wit mutual admiration confirmed goodbye how to scare your daughter and possibly blow your cover in 10 seconds the Italian impossible 11 skaar wasn't telling the Wiis to shut the hell up in the scene hey are you doing do you think I'm not gonna send the local Nashville actor whom I've met and joked with and managed to make it into this big-budget movie playing an [ __ ] security guard it wasn't very good at his job you're dead wrong everyone take that Jesse James you've been sinned awesome but how many ants are dead or dying below the surface to make this scene possible do we care of course not this plan presupposes no one will be in the bathroom will ever come into the bathroom and not notice this giant ant infestation that's prim considering you guys have been looking for PIM since this morning and he hasn't exactly been hiding why didn't you come and knock on his door me did TI just drive this car around within running and chasing distance long time did he basically drive around giving them hope they could catch it on foot this guy celebrates too hard and draws the attention of the very cops he just tried to distract too many seconds of this cartoon laser lightshow posing as a thrilling fight sequence setting the charges examples of things Hank could have done to save his wife from shrinking between the molecules Jesus how did he get to that space bar remember when the cops came in well that's where the computer is and it's facing the other way yeah this 100-pound weakling is able to struggle enough with the cop outside to hit that space bar just in time ha you're good delivering lines this way why did the enlarging blue disks work to break the glass but he couldn't just expand his suit to normal size to do it they use ant machina tank and its occupants survived this also oh look they use that enlarging fairy dust magic to make a tank clearly illustrating my point about how little conflict there should be in a movie with this kind of technology that means the two guys we saw getting arrested and are probably responsible for all this stuff going down at Pym tech somehow managed to get out of the handcuffs and back into the getaway van can a bullet even hit an ant wouldn't like wind and aerodynamics just slide the ant out of the way no okay oh and also oh no they killed Anthony I almost cared about him that one time with the things that happened I guess those bombs were supposed to make this building implode like poltergeist and it's the moment you've been waiting for when two adversaries fight each other with basically the same technology it's iron man an Incredible Hulk all over again yeaaaah now I have no clue what's going on but at least there's a cure soundtrack how is cross suddenly a droid of fighting in this suit when he only recently perfected his technology please hands up yeah they were following the helicopter a minute ago but it went into a crazy tailspin an ant-man and yellowjacket fell while inside a briefcase which they did not know contain two tiny Marvel properties so that they knew where to go is some [ __ ] assault no problem can't be solved with electricity I realize he's probably mad at Scott to some degree but he's clearly a wanted fugitive now why is exacting personal revenge on Scott more important to him than fleeing and still selling this one suit to the evil warlords not just me did these ants come from the Thomas the Tank Engine sequence is great but really only serves to tease what a full Edgar right ant-man would have been like lots of CGI ants were harmed in the making of this scene why is it when someone becomes a full-blown villain their brain goes into full top mode I love how once this ant gets giant he's like this helping the tiny human bullsh I'm gonna go find some fruit you might as well have walked in and said balls resting on my chin and it would have made just as much sense does this look like a guy who's gonna be stomped with your standard-issue cop gun I'm gonna have to shrink between the molecules to get in there my question is is the whole suit made of titanium I know the back of it is but surely much of the rest of the SU is some sort of stretchy material why doesn't he tear through that and punch him in the dick several times Oh what do you mean oh no you knew what you were getting into before you stupidly decided to do this he room gets butterfingers and almost loses the crucial widget cliche yeah but if you can't make the regulator work while it's down here how can you make the disk work too if the regulator shuts down because you're tinier than an atom then doesn't this also malfunction that's right that's how you could ants wait look at the girl on wit you'll say she's pleased to be fine right the bartender's all like yeah crazy stupid fine removing Stanley's audio from his cameo is just half the battle so there was a secret room in this vault complete with a keypad but I guess Scott didn't notice it because there is clearly no can keypad on this wall and just in case you weren't excited about the Avengers three I mean Captain America Civil War here's a mini teaser that basically says hey this movie is coming out thanks for waiting through 7 minutes of credits for us to tell you that what you already knew yeah I always tell myself there's gotta be something better out there but maybe maybe I think too much dude are you gonna hook up with a Mexican girl trying to hook me up or don't dude dude it'd be great if you did forget it man good morning Hank try to contain your excitement freckles oh by difficult time he means when my mother died we lost her in a plane crash well you want Kern you sold in my file did you who are you talking about for Tramel how much did she pay you you've taken your eye off the ball this is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed [ __ ] when you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face know what to do an analysis of the plans provided by Princess Lea has demonstrated a weakness in the battle station

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 12,274,765

Rating: 4.8097754 out of 5

Keywords: ant man, everything wrong with, cinemasins, movie sins, movie review, wave jockey job, ant-man, eww, cinema sins, marvel

Id: Ex4RNBQSTNA

Length: 20min 17sec (1217 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 07 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

The Luis voiceovers were actually confirmed to be Peyton Reed's doing.

[u/Dumast0]

''Next week: 2015 bomb and a 2014 indie hit'' Fant4stic and Whiplash next week?

[u/BrotonamoBay]

CinemaSin continues to be a dick to non-superpowered Heros, not called Batman.

Which isn't helped by Marvel Films continue to be a dick to non-superpowered heroes.

[u/[deleted]]

Please sin the new F4 movie already so people will shut the fuck up about it.

[u/[deleted]]

I can't believe he didn't take a sin off for Thomas the tank engine

[u/_Valisk]

Charge big, dive small, emerge big.

No, that would never come up in the heist, but it's a training exercise. It's to master the suit and to learn changing size in a moments notice.

[u/AgentScreech]

I'm not sure about his reasoning for sinning one thing over another, but he missed some very glaring things about the physics that were supposedly going on in that movie. He only really touched on it a little at the beginning. Perhaps he's not comfortable with his understanding of how physics works or it would be too wordy to try to explain it in 1-2 sentence quips or there were so many of them that it would seem repetitive.

They mention in the scene where she's teaching him to fight that you are reducing the space between molecules so you get smaller while having the same mass. "Your fist could be like a bullet." or something along those lines is what she said.

If that's the case, the tank keychain that Hank carries around all movie SHOULD HAVE WEIGHED AS MUCH AS A FULL SIZED TANK THE WHOLE TIME.

There are plenty of scenes where the shrunk things scale down the weight and speed, and others that show the shrunk things to have the same weight and speed as the original size thing. It couldn't stay consistent to save it's life.

Also the scene where they use the water main pipe to gain access to the building should have been 100% full of water. I'm pretty sure water mains that feed into buildings are under a decent amount of pressure, therefore there would be no pocket of air for them to surf on.

@14:28 when the guy is whistling "It's a Small World" he didn't sin the fact that Disney owns Marvel and they shoved this Disney song in to the Marvel movie.

[u/Mentalpatient87]

I waited and waited for him to point out that the managers office of that Baskin Robbins was like, twice the size of the average Baskin Robbins building.

[u/Castriff]

9:27 had me literally crying with laughter.