Episode 181 - White Boy Summer

so do you like my ergonomic comedy stool oh nice dude oh cool this is so you can have a standing desk while you're doing stand up [Laughter] hit me with a joke you got a joker or something yeah you want me to do some real stand up yeah yeah hit me with something i should do the whole like should i do the whole comedian thing you got to introduce me you got to introduce me to come on stage all right and next to the stage is uh someone i've known for a while a very very very funny dude don't know what race is though it's noel miller everyone what's up keep that going keep that going thank you thank you i'm the audience member now thank you i'm just gonna look through my jokes here um sorry i just got done getting my dick sucked so let me figure out what i want to get what i want to say oh yeah that's right um so apparently girls pee that's weird [Laughter] yeah who likes sex huh my man my man right here [ __ ] right that makes one of us just me he's ugly so um do we still care about trump just kidding just kidding just kidding i'm feminist just kidding no all right we didn't like that one okay all right mark that strike that strike that i'm pretty good [Laughter] we should just do it we should just do a characterized comedy show for the rest of the thing one it should be the whole hour should be me doing the audience member and you doing the doing the comedian yeah just yeah comedian bites so then i walk right up to my wife and i go you can't pee there the [ __ ] this guy's unreal you can't [ __ ] be there idiot why does this guy have a special one god god girls need to learn how to pee better you know dude my jar hurts what hole do they pee out of exactly which hole is it just have one hole just have one you know we're just trying to get all the misogyny out before women's history month ends all right i think we got our [ __ ] stone cold open oh man all right that's it for the episode ice cold open what's up guys welcome to the tmg podcast this is actually today's episode today's free episode but if you want uh the bonus episode that went up today as well you can find that on our patreon that's patreon.com tinymeatgang and uh the free episode will be ad free as well on there so uh and if not thanks and enjoy this one peace peace and that was noel miller everyone noel miller thank you smash that like button if you liked that uh he's a funny guy man he's a funny guy thank you noelle uh where do girls pee though i mean sorry it says joke i mean i don't need to it's his joke so i love this host man he's so good he's just killing it dude i love this host man so you know it's like i've seen a lot of celebs you know partying and stuff it's like uh what i'll is covet over exactly did the virus call call in to tmz and say hey we're done exactly dude it's so right i want to clap for myself but it's like put a mask on how hard is it i'm saying it's like i'm saying you know it's like this guy just gets it man i don't i don't have an end for that one but that's still working this stuff out so you don't need a man we agree good good then my man right here my man with the buzz cut what's up dude what's up man buzz cut billy that's me ah that's what i'm gonna call you man yeah is this your girl yeah yeah yeah yeah oh nice and you guys what are you how engaged i see the ring couldn't have sprung for a bigger diamond dude one billy just the classic crowd guy stop stop stop bro seriously stop man yeah that's [ __ ] getting really offended i dig i put out as much money as i could you you passed you [ __ ] ass it's hard times man i lost my job [ __ ] off you were literally just talking about coronavirus now you make fun of me for not being able to afford a bigger ring that was your problem maybe i should call you bitter billy jesus just [Laughter] digging it ah man where do we start where do we start with this weekend dude um oh you hear girls pee man that's so crazy i know but it's like what hole what hole it's the end of women's history month as of today you know recording by the time you guys hear this it'll have been over i will have gone all of women's history month not knowing where girls pee from [Laughter] so i i did you see the picture of puppy girl jenna that picture of her on the hardwood floor and she's kneeling and she's like bottomless and she's like looking back at the camera like puppy dog style and it's like oops i had an accident there's a bunch of piss on the floor right underneath her nice that's what puppy girl jenna is uh that on her only fans i believe it was on our twitter but you know maybe maybe you could see more from that set oh no it's [ __ ] disgusting it's so [ __ ] gross gusting [Laughter] bad little girl such a bad dog puppy girl jenna accident pay us on for clean up this is your reply to her bad girl jenna you need to know that pp bad little puppy dog you [ __ ] 500 characters i need to take you to puppy school you little bad girl you little bad dog no treats for you [Laughter] oh man what a world what a world we live in already how was your weekend oh what even happened this weekend um it was good i think i just like ran errands i watched the fight on saturday and then yeah you know recovered from cracker barrel gravy cracker barrel gravy yeah right right so tell me about the cracker barrel trip let me just tell you right away you i am a fan of cracker barrel i used to go there in north carolina all the time it was a good like brunch spot like when we were hungover we'd drive there you have a good brunch yeah there's a lot of old people there and it's like kick-ass greasy brunch food but it wasn't anything crazy but did you ever have the gravy i never had the gravy so okay so when we had because we talked about this a little bit yesterday you made me realize that's an important distinction i have to make so i actually have to make an update to my video because i'm posting a whole video about this it should be live now but yeah that gravy is um i think that thing has elements in there that aren't on the periodic table or you know it just has unique properties in the way of affecting your gut health it's you know people eat probiotics it's the inverse of that okay okay you know if you're young and you're looking for an excuse to get out of school just convince your mom to buy a tub of cracker barrel gravy just keep a little bit for you in the fridge eat a couple spoonfuls the night before school and i promise you you will have no uh trouble acting your way through getting out of school or anything really what was the color of the gravy and the consistency was it a light gray thick that's always the gnarliest when it's really gelatinous and it's light in color you know so it it had the consistency of um like almost like a greek yogurt it was just like yes you know but here's the here's the creepy part it didn't have the same thickness it's very light it had like the resistance level of whipped cream but it was very you know and when you poured it out it it didn't it didn't gravy on you know it didn't like it didn't taste gravy on it it didn't create a swim verb yeah you know gravy is a verb it didn't swing on in there yeah it didn't swim out of the first of all they don't even serve it to you in a gravy you know little boat it comes in a small bowl and you have to like you know shake it out you have to wake it up so it's gelatinous it's nice it's like a little yeah yeah and it it's good to start but immediately you you put that in and that's where the trouble starts and um i you know spoiler alert i took a huge dump and you know i don't have to go into detail but it don't already some detail there no i mean like if you if you watch the video you you'll get the you get you get all the jokes and whatever but i will say it um it like it just messed me up for a couple days and cash as well we both were like went on like the broad diet after that i ate i shot and then i just ate bananas and bread and rice for the next three days just trying to balance out my system again it was i don't know it wasn't right i believe you that it's a great brunch spot i would i would go back and eat everything but the gravy yeah oh i took a chance on the sides too the mac and cheese gnarly i could say school cafeteria mac and cheese hits harder than that what how do you [ __ ] up mac and cheese i eat that's one thing i don't understand there's a lot of places especially around here like you go to erwin you get the mac and cheese it's like average you get the mac and cheese from where else did we recently get it i forget but it was average it's like tasteless how do you [ __ ] up mac and cheese pick a strong cheese cook the noodles and make like it's easy yeah yeah you would think you would think the you could tell you know even when things are cooked in in big batches i feel when you go to restaurants they do a pretty good job of hiding that from you the cracker barrel plate arrives and you could tell it was slopped on you know someone took a spoon this one oh like there's a vat of yeah yeah with an automatic thing that's just constantly stirring it that's the gnarliest type of gravy though that thick yogurt type [ __ ] where it's like not a liquid but not a solid it's halfway between your body's like i don't know what to do with this uh that's a hundred percent do i digest it like a smoothie or yeah and that's why it just sits in there stews like making that gravy is super gnarly i'm pretty sure like don't you just take like weird sausage fat and remains and then thicken it up and i i think cracker barrel takes like uh dead people and old fish i think they use all the old ass people that go there and die at the table yeah they take them they cut them up and cook them and that's what the gravy is and you're just recycling generations of cracker barrel here we go okay after loose pork sausage is cooked in a pan and removed a roux is formed by browning flour in the residual [ __ ] [ __ ] that's just left in the pan [Music] and then you add and then you add milk and seasonings to it and that's how you make that thick ass sausage gravy yeah it was a it was an experience and you know so i would go back i just i just wouldn't eat the gravy but because you never had the gravy we have to go and you got it like i hate a good amount of that great because i made a point like in the in the vlog footage i'm like okay i'm not you know i got to get the full experience so i'm i'm mixing i'm taking gravy i'm throwing it on the mashed potatoes and let me get some of that and i'm throwing the mac and cheese and i'm just putting it all down the heads and it hit a stopping point like about five minutes in where i was like okay yeah i don't know if i'm getting home i'm really not trying to be dramatic it just it really it genuinely [ __ ] me up and it's rough when you you're an hour away from home yeah yeah that part was you know i like driving i just had my fingers on the wheel you know just just holding on and using my whole body to keep the car straight and like not fall asleep your body's just working on the gravy yeah dude what the [ __ ] do we do with this yeah it's just pouring into the stomach lining stuff what is this [ __ ] and my stomach was on code red burnt holy [ __ ] we need all hands on deck we need all hands on deck we've got no clue what to do with this we've never seen a substance like it sir is this yogurt oh no son it's much worse it's gravy yeah it was messed up dude i just man because i know we passed a bunch of those you know when we were on the road if if all five of us ate that gravy oh my god and even remotely tried like i'm trying to picture six of us haven't gone there eating that gravy and then trying to sleep on the bus the toilet would not have survived [Music] i would have been waking up tapping the driver yo man i don't care where you park it you just have to stop you have to stop we're all going right now yeah it was um boy whoa boy i know there's someone with an iron stomach who's listening to this thinking you know ah [ __ ] off you're faking it you're this you're that i'm telling you man i'm telling you eat that gravy document your experience hey guys we want to take a quick break to thank the sponsor of today's episode doordash oh yeah did you forget that one thing at the store did you get snacks drinks and household essentials in 30 minutes oh now you can get snacks drinks and household essentials in 30 minutes with doordash doordash connects you with the restaurants you love right now and right to your door and now you can get the grocery essentials you need with doordash as well get drinks snacks and other household items delivered in under an hour ordering is easy open the doordash app choose what you want from where you want and your items will be left safely outside your door with contactless delivery drop off setting with over 300 000 partners in the u.s puerto rico canada and australia australia you can support your neighborhood go-to's or choose from your favorite national restaurants like popeyes chipotle and the cheesecake factory for a limited time our listeners can get 25 off and zero delivery fees on their first order of 15 or more when you download the doordash app and enter code tiny that's 25 off up to a 10 value and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the doordash app in the app store and enter the code tiny don't forget let's code tiny 25 off on your first order with doordash subject to change terms apply there's probably people that eat that gravy every single day okay so that's the part that bugged me out and i didn't really talk about this because you know i don't want to be judgmental or whatever but the reactions of the waitress was so crazy she was you know she was asking us questions you know oriented towards the meal that was just like reflex for her you know like could i get you some more gravy like straight away and and the first thing i think is people get more of this [ __ ] and what like who do you have to be i'm gonna do it now i'm making this my goal to eat this gravy no we'll go we'll go i'll we'll make it a we'll make it a whole thing it was a so there was that and then you know oh oh i [ __ ] you're making me feel like i need to reshoot the end of this video because now i'm like recalling all these different things uh they came with biscuits do you ever eat the biscuits there yeah okay maybe this is the part that messed me up i don't know the biscuit tasted like raw dough i don't even know if those were cooked biscuits have that sort of like chalky flavor though no this wasn't chuck it was like like was it like soft and like was it like bouncy yeah and kind of like taffy like a [ __ ] yeah the wrong texture love that dude undercooked you got to love just eating dough yeah i look at the top of the thing yeah i'm not disgusting i'm expecting a popeye's biscuit you know crumble something yeah yummy just like what what city was this in camarillo camarillo where is that east like our north our la right okay it's like if you were going to santa barbara it's pretty much along the way gotcha yeah it was was bad it was bad so what's next on this [ __ ] on the diarrhea journals or whatever yes diarrhea diaries i just diarrhea diet diarrheas no it's just diarrheas diaries diarrheas it's such a juvenile thing the tentative name i had is my diarrhea tier list okay and so i don't know what's next i need i asked for suggestions what's next you know like i want to eat food that's physically challenging yoshinoya [Laughter] you know what i [ __ ] ordered the other day you won't believe what i ordered the other day can i tell you delivery too okay weiner schnitzel that's not that bad that's not that the hot dog place all right oh my god dude that hot dog was straight out of like a children's picture book of a hot dog like it didn't look real it would look plastic i did not know where you were going with that sentence it doesn't look like a like a display hot dog you know what i mean like a shiny it looks like someone prepped it to take a picture of it sorry that weiner looked like he was straight out of a children's what are you saying dude no yeah yeah so did it like did it did it come around and it was just like perfectly like you know the bottom of a circle it's like no no no the sausage yeah no the the [ __ ] is like store-bought hot dogs it's like the fourth of july bottom of the barrel for 19 of them hot dogs it's like this big the bun it was it was cold when it got to me i still ate it i mean that has to be just the worst thing it's like it's like you know it's like remains of like their hooves and [ __ ] like that you know yeah yeah like i love me some horse kneecap yeah sneak out love me yeah it's not only beef it's yeah they use they just kind of scrape out the bottom of like a you know like a farm or other [Laughter] damn i'm like i need to yeah i need to touch up this video because you just reminded me of all these different points and the thing the craziest part was she goes do you want more gravy and and cash and i were like absolutely not you're like is that a joke yeah was that everything and then you know after we've covered the food and this horrible gravy she comes back she's like to go box right oh i just know what yeah yeah i'm like this first of all people get more of this gravy and second of all then they take it home and eat it the next day absolutely not like you don't i'm like people reheat this and then the best part is they bring out this you know they bring you the styrofoam whatever to take it home if there's negative one ply that's what you get i i halfway expected to scoop the food in and it was just gonna fall through onto the table like it just it just didn't have structure and then she asked us multiple times you know iced tea to go iced tea to go and i got an iced tea and i think the amount of sugar in that is equivalent to i don't know 45 chips ahoy cookies oh that's so good that's so good you probably got a little bit of diabetes from that oh yeah yeah yeah you notch it up definitely it's one of those meals it's like you feel it you spike it you spike it for sure it's one of those meals where you you don't get hungry for like a full 36 hours you know like you dude yeah i had yeah i had no appetite for like two days uh let's take a quick break to thank another sponsor of today's episode skin condoms yeah did you know there are condoms designed to enhance sensations oh wow skin creates products for those who know what they want and who are not afraid to demand it those who choose to feel everything not just in the bedroom but in life yeah person to me i love to wear my skin condom when i'm just riding my skateboard uh skin products are designed using the latest technology to help you and your partner create a truly intimate experience from condoms to lubes to toys skin products embody our mission to feel everything skin 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to the highway that it takes you to go to lamore nice and i missed it and so i had to drive halfway up the five and then take this like just sketchy ass highway completely like potholes every five seconds the drive was like this for 45 minutes pitch black nobody on the [ __ ] road nobody right so i'm in i'm like i'm in the middle of nowhere like where is this place there's like a house deep in the distance like a farmhouse and like another one deep i saw like three people total driving on that road i was like we have to be like just completely in the middle of the desert right i'm staying at this hotel that's near the surf ranch it's called the cause it's a casino hotel yeah nice website it's like casino whatever and i'm like okay cool maybe i can get a couple hands of blackjack in before i wake up and go to the surf ranch right like the night before like maybe have a beer sit at the tables whatever i walk in there must have been like 6 000 people there like and everyone on the slot machines just putting their [ __ ] clan going yeah putting their stimulus check directly into the slot machines sitting there everyone's ripping cigarettes smoking inside which i'm not you know in california you don't see that no no no it was wild how did they have that [ __ ] crazy i don't i think it's like a native american reserve oh okay like similar to the like the one on the way to palm springs i think it's the same thing right oh yeah i'm not exactly sure yeah yeah yeah it was crazy nice it was really wild like everyone inside barely wearing masks all playing slot machines yeah they cut a hole in to put the cigarette in yeah yeah exactly as long as they fill it with a cigarette the corona can't get in nice so yeah how was the surf was it like i was unreal man it seemed crazy i've i haven't felt like that in so long where like like since i was little probably like yeah with the gates open i was giddy i was like i couldn't stop laughing i was like a small child i was like dude what the [ __ ] is so sick they were like yeah here's four super 73 motorbikes so you can just take out and rip around the i guess what it used to be is like a wakeboarding lake it was built there like a while ago to practice wakeboarding and they knew it was there so they bought it and then built the surf uh the surf part beside it so you can still rip around the lake there's like gourmet food there they serve like you walk in right away you get like banana bread egg sandwich and it's all like delicious and then every time you get out of the water from a session a girl walks up to you with coconut water and water and there's snacks like constantly dang it's unreal it's like disneyland for that's crazy i just i had like the best [ __ ] day ever it was nuts is the best wave i've ever surfed the best i have ever surfed in general just because i the waves are so long you like legitimately get better you know yeah can like is it the type of thing where it's like you can just pay to go or do you have to get invited like how does it work you rent it out got it i think the only way you can really go is if you get it like invited for some brand thing or if people rent it out like it's booked i think like they said like 250 days out of the year whoa and it's it's like it's now it's 50k and that's when you get a deal to book it out for the day people pay 100k to surf there for one day i mean running that thing doesn't seem cheap yeah i don't know i it must cost so much like so much power to run that thing yeah pumping that water like that it has to be something crazy yeah that's insane dude congrats you you avoided a 50k tab i know and you can say you did it that's sick i mean all thanks to casey i appreciate you nice yeah he he hooked it up and i met some great people too yeah i was going to say the pro surfers there yeah were there any pros that's it yeah super dope surfing with them i mean it's like inspiring you know like i watched kalani rob i was in the road i was in the water with kalani rob yeah and he's like one of the most famous surfers he's like one of kelly's boys from you know the north shore and uh he came in the water we did a night session and he came in the water with a light up pink board it had leds on it and he wore a bright pink wetsuit and i was like third down the water or whatever so by the time he got to me on the wave he was tucked in the barrel at night and i was in the water and i like went up the face of the wave and just we made eye contact him in the barrel like tucked slotted in there with a bright pink board at night it was [ __ ] crazy i was like that's one of the most beautiful things i've ever seen my entire life dude needs a 360 gopro on the front of his board that sounds insane it was six shots so cool i'm just picturing the lights like bouncing off the inside of that as well oh yeah i gotta you know take a little uh little pop a little fun pill you know pop a little bean before you do something like that maybe he was on molly you know yeah rolling his balls off oh [ __ ] he's [ __ ] these lights dude this way or maybe i should have been you know this water feels so good in your hands just one with it bro yeah it was pretty funny it was like the first session i did was awesome because it's like my first time surfing the wave it was just like i was high afterwards and then the second session i was a little bit used to it so i got on the water and i knew what i wanted to accomplish and i wasn't like in the right places i couldn't really poach a lot of waves and then people were taking waves in front of me that weren't you know the line was switching around or whatever and then finally the guy came to me and he's like hey man because you get two priority waves each person in that heat so it's like yeah two two waves where you're the person that starts on it you can take the whole thing if you want got it and so he came over and he was like hey man uh we got to get you on this left sorry it's like one of the only waves left and i was like because i hate going left so i'm sure it's like it's backside right you're on your heel it's like yeah i just suck at it i look like an idiot poop stance you know so i'm like oh man you don't have a right for me and he was like all right fine we'll just run an empty one then and i was like ah and at that moment i was like wait i'm like one of the luckiest people on the planet right now that gets to surf these way like of course i'll surf the best left in the entire world so i was like i apologize i i would gladly take the left it's just all right man cool run a [ __ ] empty one then cool you know i'm sure no one was gonna be pissed if we run an empty wave let's go run it this [ __ ] guy yes [ __ ] guy i guess we'll just run all the lefts empty huh cody [Laughter] everybody stay off the left cody doesn't like the left no one has to surf the lefts okay just mad rude it was just a question i didn't really realize what i was saying oh yeah no no no no no yeah we'll do it your way dude for sure uh yeah so anyways that's i really there's nothing really funny happened it just was i just can't express enough like how incredible it was yeah no it seems it seemed like really i because i i only know how exclusive that is like some like i don't know vice equivalent documentary from way back when he was building it i remember the sound of it thinking or you know what they described i'm like damn that's insane to just build a wave machine i was so nervous for the first one yeah because i guess it's pretty common for you to miss your first one yeah because you're in a pool that's like a giant rectangle but the wave is at a 45 degree angle it comes out from the wall like this oh weird so when you're paddling people like want to be parallel to the wall yeah because that feels natural but you actually have to be straight onto the wave so you have to paddle 45 degree angle weird and i guess that really [ __ ] with people and so they'll miss the first wave and it's like 250 bucks per wave or something like that or more 2 500 bucks per wave or something like it breaks down to that because it's so expensive to run that thing and to rent the parks so if you miss it you just feel like a giant dick yeah wasting money yeah yeah so anyways anyways yeah i guess we'll run an empty wave then yeah yeah cool no he doesn't want to go left guys no no no no he's the king yeah well i'm sorry you're you're last night you're kelly slater right or you're a son or what oh you're stupid i can't serve okay yeah slater jr here doesn't want to go left so what's your name bro no slater in there i see okay yeah no no it's cool it's cool no we'll run an empty left is fine yeah write a check for 2500 bucks and we can run an empty left he just pulls out a waterproof square reader no no empty left is cool man just go ahead and run it insert your chip right here insert the chip right there yeah you can just tap it if you want yeah feel free to tip man feel free to don't forget because i'm the one who has to go up and tell the guy to run an empty wave so you know because clearly you didn't want to do that so you tell me it's cool man hey guys we want to take a quick break to thank the sponsor of today's episode babel for most of us learning a second language in high school or college wasn't exactly a high point in our academic careers for example i took latin in college i don't remember a single thing i can't say a word of it well you don't really speak latin i can't write a word i couldn't read a word if you asked me to but now thanks to babel the number one selling language learning app there's an addictively fun and easy way to learn a new language tell them about it noelle yeah whether you'll be traveling abroad connecting in a deeper way with your family or you just have some free time babel teaches bite-sized language lessons that you'll actually use in the real world babel's 15-minute lessons make it make it the perfect way to learn a new language on the go you know personally me i like to do my babble lessons um on my skateboard babel designs their courses with practical real world conversations in mind things you'll get to use in everyday life other language learning apps uses ai for their lesson plans but babel lessons were created by over a hundred actual language experts with babel you can choose from 14 different languages including gee i don't know spanish french italian german ever heard of those plus babel's speech recognition technology helps you to improve your pronunciation and accent so start your new language learning journey today with babel right now when you purchase a three-month battle descript subscription you'll get an additional three months for free so that's six months for the price of three just go to babel.com and use the promo code tmg that's ba bbel.com code tmg for three months free babble language for life yeah that feeling about being giddy i i relate to that the most when i when i last time i went driving carts i had like a couple laps where i actually felt like i figured it out it was kind of the same thing i was like giggling the whole time i was driving oh yeah just you really know i mean this is the most surface thing to say in the world but you really know what it means to be stoked or like psyched or whatever like it's that it's that high it's like more than runners high more than it's like you get out of the water you get out of the cart and you're like i improved at something like as an old person you know as a 30 year old it's really tough to have those like weird measures of improvement you know yeah no i agree i agree yeah the um the last session i had i i was learning about like carrying speed through like multiple corners and so um i like was starting to figure out you know because race tracks kind of break down into like they refer to them like sectors it's like sector one two and three and it's like typically a low number and i realize that's because you're kind of training your brain to like carry momentum through like one part and then another part and then another part so i learned a section of the track where it's like pretty long where the cart is just like this [ __ ] it just once you're up there you feel like it's just like sliding out from under your ass it's just running away from you and you're just like along for the ride in my helmet like you can just hear in the playback me going like yeah let's go you can see me on my last wave i pull up i pull off the wave and i go like this yes and my buddies are all making fun of me because like it's surfing it's really wack to claim a wave that's called claiming like celebrate after a wave you're supposed to play it cool no matter what unless you have like one of the best waves ever yeah and i was so stoked i couldn't help i like was like screamed i went yeah cool man yeah oh yeah yeah yeah that's the sound actually that we make you know respectively cody makes when he surfs and i make when i race carts yeah helmets on i'm moaning the whole time oh yeah [ __ ] i'm glad we have these things that make us feel like kids you know oh for sure yeah i think you need that as you get older you know not deaf i mean like it's just like this like when you're older when you're younger and you're like kick you learn how to kick flip and all that stuff it's so measurable it's like i learned this new thing today yeah but like in when you get older it's like you just send emails that's all you and you yeah you can't really measure yourself getting better at sending emails that's all you really do when you get older if you knock out a few like in the morning that's like i think the only way you feel like you yeah got em all got em all right at night twelve over at night when you get a head start on the next day's emails yeah and you go to bed yeah yeah yeah bro i swapped i don't wanna i don't wanna be this guy right now but i swapped the visor on my helmet and i'm just like i'm so stoked i can use that word i can use that word oh stoked for thursday i love it i'm like i love it are you going again on thursday yeah um shout out to troy adams dude if you live in riverside go go race with the man that dude is such a great coach he like um the first session we did i was you know he like could already figure out my personality you know and he like he walks up to me he's like stop the cart he's like i could tell bro you get him frustrated and like i didn't i didn't say [ __ ] like you can't see my face in a helmet it's just like looking at the way i'm driving and he just stops me he's like i could tell so you're getting frustrated this whole day's going to get away from you you got to relax man wow that's a true coach thing to do you have experience coaching to like recognize that [ __ ] in people yeah and then he's like he's like if you mess up a turn doesn't matter because like if because if you're taking any turn at you know 60 70 miles an hour what are you gonna do reverse on track you can't do that so you just gotta he like gave him this whole like philosophy i'm like yeah yeah no i got it i got it he's like no you don't you need to learn like you don't got it that's why i'm stopping you and like after that yeah basically you don't have you don't have it yeah hold on holding your lips like this yeah well because the thing the thing he was trying to tell me was he's like you want to go fast like that that was the five-year-old in me my foot is just on the gas the whole time like you go go go yeah it's going fast and he was like trying to tell me he's like you got to slow down and speed up and once i started to like hammer that home [ __ ] dude i'm ready for formula one dawg the man is stoked that's all it took man you say you're stoked i'm stoked man i'm like everything i'm psyching dude okay [ __ ] let me okay let me just show you let me just show you man i don't know if you can see this in the quality come on come on dude this [ __ ] is racist oh that's just hard as heck racy as [ __ ] yeah that looks like a little nazak's new video yeah the same energy yeah the satan energy the satan big satan energy in this helmet big satan yes hype very high yeah speaking of bro bro i thought the funniest thing about that whole thing is like how all these like christian people are getting offended and so he on his twitter he posted he's like all right fine we'll release these two and it was like a white shoe with the chick-fil-a logo on it yeah yeah like john 3 16 or some [ __ ] like that he's a troll man he doesn't care dude he doesn't give a [ __ ] the joiner lucas takes were killing me what did he say again he's like oh what bothers me is you know old town road is like like an anthem for kids and he just dropped that whole thing out of nowhere and i just think it's kind of [ __ ] to say that he has a responsibility to children kind of like yeah i mean it was never intended to be a kids song yeah i mean the premise of all entertainment is like you know entertainment companies now they're they're trying to get in front of teenagers they don't care like he performed at a high school and someone referenced that as like oh is you know to the little nas x because little nasa was like oh you have to raise your kids i didn't tell him to do that and then someone shows his performance at that high school it's like i mean what's he gonna do he's a upcoming artist he gets an offer hey man the school wants to bring you out [ __ ] it i guess right like the school brought him that's not [ __ ] it's not his job he's school's cool dude i'm cool with it right yeah i don't know man did britney spears have a responsibility singing like oops i did it again well that's what i mean i was like the video the video is like incredibly sexual but like so was the slave for you video wasn't it mm-hmm like this shit's been happening for a long time yeah dude van gaal boys music video dude boom boom boom boom i mean i don't even remember that oh i mean you know was it good that's that's where the [ __ ] unconvincing gay guy came from or was it boys was it that [ __ ] now i have to look it up yeah now i forget what the [ __ ] um i'm pretty sure no no no it wasn't that it was um yeah we can watch the music video in the in the bonus but apparently he's getting sued now from nike is that yeah like he's suing him because they did the shoes without but isn't it legal to like paint nikes and sell them yeah like they're they're um aftermarket yeah whatever they're unofficial so i wonder why he's getting sued then i mean they i think they just don't like the negative um connotation i guess drop of human blood or whatever yeah they don't they don't like that yeah they don't like that baby blood baby sacrifice blood is in there all their strong christian um you know christian pastors ordered nikes in mass like they're actually a bigger market than like you know jordan shoes and you know um athletes and stuff it's really the conservative you know christian part of america that nike really speaks to yeah you know so they could not be associated with those you know uh illuminati sacrifice shoes yeah yeah absolutely not dude isn't there like an instagram called pastors with sneakers or remember this did we talk about this last time no oh it's basically like to uh shed light on how much money like pastors make oh yeah or priests or whatever and so it's like people it's like preachers and yeezys or something like that it's some instagram account where they just like take pictures of rich or like pastors flexing basically yeah i mean try and find that luke i'm interested to see if that's pretty good forever it's just like dude the other thing about the jointer lucas takes which kind of cracked me up is um kids don't have access to the internet unless it's through their parents so yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah if you don't want like also the also the great part about that is joyner lucas acts like we live in a world where a 12 year old isn't on tick tock learning all kinds of [ __ ] you know like that's way worse yeah the 12 year old's on tick tock and watching tick tocks like this is what it looks like when i give head this is what it looks like when i give head play this sound and shake your ass and see what your boyfriend it's like yeah yeah i don't know man i just think it was a super boomer take and it made me laugh who a lot of boomer takes yeah a lot of boomer takes it why do we give a [ __ ] what kids see on the internet the internet is not for teenagers it's not we never had a responsibility to them and we are not going to start now with a little nausea and leather pants what are we talking about though because kids and teenagers are different and kids like it like old town road was a net it was an anthem for like six year olds yeah it's true i guess i'm conflating the two um yeah yeah but in that respect like little nauseas didn't tell them to play that at birthday parties and volleyball games and stuff i think that came as a result of like minecraft and tick-tock and it's also like it was also like the most listened song in the world ever which means it has to appeal to every single aged age and demo ever so of course it's going to be a kid's anthem because it's also like a senior's anthem yeah yeah you know unfortunately for little nasdaq's he leading with a country single he got everybody everybody including you know the bible bangers and stuff because they thought that song was a bible banger they were like this when he's saying lean and stuff i think he means leaning on the lord i think that's what he's going for and yeah of course yeah amen to that amen so unfortunately for little knives you know because those people don't really use the internet like they're just still on facebook yeah they found out through that video that he's gay yeah hold on well now what you're telling me the singing cowboy man is gay yeah what the hell is this what the heck is this [ __ ] we ran his music all at our july 4th barbecue last summer i don't appreciate finding out that he's gay through myself fornicating with satan he is fornicating it's the devil it's the devil in that boy that's that's one of the things that like one of the takes that i don't [ __ ] understand is when people are like he's worshipping the devil like look at how evil society has become this kid is literally having sex with satan it's like it's not evil it doesn't like i know satan represents evil but he's not like saying he's an evil dude he's not saying he's gonna [ __ ] that he that he you know what i'm saying it's just like a funny uh like contrast there's just there are infinitely worse um more like there are infinitely equal or more offensive pieces of art i feel than lil nas dancing on satan yeah yeah exactly like like um obsessed but not gay i'm joking i'm joking i'm joking i just was trying to think of like a mainstream tick tock song right now that was the one i came i don't think it you know it's not actually not that bad of a tune you know yeah not my favorite song but not the worst bro that um you know addison doing the fortnite emote store dances on jimmy fallon man we want to quickly interrupt this week's episode to say thanks to honey for sponsoring this episode listen we all shop online i know you do don't even try to pretend like you don't yeah we've all seen that promo code feel taunt us at checkout hey use me use me this could potentially be cheaper are you idiot well thanks to honey manually searching for coupon codes is a thing of the past yeah honey's the free shopping tool that scours the internet for promo code and applies the best one it can find to your cart honey supports over 30 000 stores online they range from sites that have tech and gaming products to popular fashion brands and even food delivery imagine you're shopping on one of your favorite sites okay and then check it out well i'll tell you when you check out right the hunt imagine this just picture this in your stupid head but you're checking out online and then the honey button just drops down and all you have to do is click apply coupons and then you wait a few seconds as honey searches for coupons they can find for that site and then bam if honey finds a working coupon you'll watch the prices drop i've used it plenty plenty of times and it's it's incredible it's saved it's it saved me a lot of money yeah it recently saved me uh some money on some workout shoes so that was dope if you don't already have honey you could be straight up missing out on free savings it's literally free and installs in a few seconds and by getting it you'll be doing yourself a silent and supporting this podcast so get honey for free at joinhoney.com tmg that's join honey.com tmg speaking of tick tock stuff and whatever let's let's talk about the uh jake paul and ask ben askren fight benny ben ben um you like ben askren you know i kind of spoke nasty about him on the moz on the jorge fight because i was been asking to put my dick in your mouth oh nice nice how's it going thanks man that's that's the one on the board that's definitely that definitely counts that's a half point maybe it's a half time i think it counts i didn't see it coming literally yeah nice all right sorry what were we saying no i like i kind of spoke if if the internet delay wasn't here you would have got that one clean and clear hell yeah you would have drained that from half court thanks bro airfi e5 e5 e5 hey nice to e meet you send in an email your way zoom professors be like let's get a quick e5 nope okay okay cool let's go ahead and open our books to 107. let's rip a couple asgrin vids yeah a couple vids just to give the people a little context what we're talking about him and jake did a a press oppressor for their fight or whatever and it was a it was kind of a funny dynamic i would say funny energy yeah cause ben clearly does not give a [ __ ] and jake wants him to care jake is doing the whole like like over dramatic like we hate each other stick because because he's like trying to sell more tickets yeah and ben isn't playing into it and it just leads it's just like you can tell it's frustrating for jake and so he does it even harder and it's just not the dynamic is really bizarre i think it's great because that's you know naturally ben's age is showing and jake forgets that ben's literally been in close to 30 professional fights so it's just like yeah i think for ben it's like bro i've stood in front of guys actually scary and a [ __ ] 22 year old who just learned how to punch like a couple years ago i think i'm fine anyways yeah rip the clip there we go 22 guys away little slap on the ass [Laughter] dude get that [ __ ] ass out of here before i eat it yeah yeah yeah yeah get that [ __ ] thick 2cs out of here ben before i stick my nose in a dog don't mess up again before i i might grip up on that thing next time ben yeah play the homicide clip yeah this [ __ ] is so funny you can't fight dylan so you pick the next person okay let me continue you said if i want if i wanted the easiest person it would have been dylan but you're saying i picked you because dylan because dylan one son of contract well i'm trying to wait for you to stop talking all right so anyways like this is typical boy behavior but obviously sometimes this this is the point fight game you [ __ ] ass [ __ ] this is the [ __ ] fight game yeah i'll bully you around just like i'm gonna bully you in the ring shut the [ __ ] up you sound like a middle schooler oh he's bullying me shut the [ __ ] up i was talking to your mentality you're not gonna bully me that's gonna happen that's not gonna happen and you know like jake if you and i ran into each other in the back alley in las vegas and i wanted to do a homicide do it right now though [Music] someone's gonna stop you got like 27 people that's what i thought yeah okay anyways i would do a homicide on you if i wanted to yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well then do a hummus i guess that sets the table pretty quickly do a homicide do a homicide dude wait is this the one yeah yeah yeah oh god dude this clip is money i'd heard of jake paul prior to accepting this fight but i couldn't have told you a lot about him or his brother i knew um you know he kind of came up in his brother's shadow he's trying to fill his brother's footsteps you know his brother's a lot more talented at the larger following those those type of things you literally went on your instagram and asked people for roasts you asked people for roasts on your instagram and that was the top comment was say that his brother is better than him is he that's like that's like calling kylie jenner kendall jenner like i don't know anything about them anyway so that doesn't matter still a compliment i would love to be logan logan's a great kid both stars both taking over the world at a young age okay so when logan's little brother called me out who's better you were him in boxing me hands down that's why i'm and oh three ko's he's oh one and one yeah you ever whoop your ass when you're the little brother shut his ass he has a question jake you're supposed to do this i don't i just don't care about your questions okay so i'll take that as he rubbed your face in the carpet on a weekly basis oh my god oh my god yeah sure man dude jake can say whatever but we know we know that one cut his ass deep because jake doesn't stop talking so the fact that something made his brain start to compute he got you just admit he got you it is kind of funny that he he's like that you got that from an instagram comment and he's like ben's like i don't i don't really care you can tell he's like i'm just doing it because i you know i don't even want i'm just gonna get paid for this fight and that's all this is for it's for the money yeah for me it's like how old is he ben he's like yeah mid thirties let's find out you can just tell he's like i'm there i'm just this is just a paycheck he's 36 he just doesn't care he doesn't eat even if he loses even if he loses he's not gonna give up a [ __ ] no at all dude he had uh and people are gonna try and put like you know the gifts and everything he's like i just don't care dude uh there's a great clip of two things one jake tries to get under his skin by repeatedly playing the the jorge knee dude like you hold the record and ben's like yeah i do hold the record yeah fastest knockout in the ufc he's like jake i've seen it i've actually seen it like a million times i'm not insecure like you so i don't care i know you're trying to project your insecurity onto me but i just don't care and then jake is like holding it up and it's like the knee just repeated over and over and ben's just like yeah yeah that's me getting neat in the head it's like i saw it live yeah saw it live saw the knee coming towards my face he's like that doesn't bother you he's like no it happens that's that's it you know that's that's fighting you get knocked the [ __ ] out sometimes i think the [ __ ] fight game that's the [ __ ] fight game dude this is the [ __ ] fight game that's also yeah that's also funny because again ben has been in 30 pressers or whatever like actual killers man the other great thing was jorge was tweeting about ben you know and i was kind of i i didn't like speak highly of ben uh going into their fight because i just like kind of bought into a media narrative but ben goes jorge i've kind of bit my tongue on this for a while but you're welcome you got one of the luckiest hits and uh that made your career if it wasn't for that you would still he's like like uh he says i'm like you lost to usman and you're gonna lose again so beat it loser oh my god so then everyone is just now like well yeah now that you think about it like if he didn't need ben then he wouldn't have got the bmf fight with nate diaz and like all he did was prolong his fall off cause then he fought marty and he got beat up and he's probably gonna like already ben just changed the narrative on that whole thing it's not like mma fans are like that's kind of true wow [Laughter] this is great a little renaissance for ben askren yeah i mean i i think jake underestimated ben askren's [ __ ] talking because ben can be just as annoying i guess that's what i mean is that like his nonchalantless is more like i don't give a [ __ ] is almost more annoying than if he were to take the same approach that jake is where he's like chirping hard cause jake's like yelling at him like this is the fight game like shut up like do it right now like threatening to fight on stage or whatever and ben's sort of like dude i don't care about this yeah it's not real to me like that is almost way more annoying i feel like and i feel like it's doing a better job of like selling the fight oh for sure dude i want to watch it now because of ben's attitude i i like i wish i wish ben would just be like jake you're not a real fighter you're not like if you just kept repeating that over and over i feel like that would just crush him mentally you're not a real fighter dude so you fought three fights there are guys an amateur with like 20 fights you're not a real fighter man this is the [ __ ] fight game dude so funny yeah i mean you know we'll see what happens i just think uh you know someone's gonna win someone's gotta win someone's definitely gonna win and someone's gonna lose for sure someone's probably gonna lose as well if someone wins then i'm gonna i'm guaranteeing that someone loses too yeah someone's definitely gonna lose yeah someone's gonna lose so hard dude someone's gonna lose like [ __ ] dude someone's gonna get [ __ ] l held someone's gonna get held so hard so good oh so good oh someone's gonna lose so good i can't wait till [ __ ] jake wins and you guys all have to see that mma gets elled so hard yeah mma is over dude dude mma is [ __ ] held and cancelled after this mma is actually canceled yeah we're canceling mma mma is cancelled um because it's to take two l's that i can't wait for it dude the the big brain what's the date of that fight april so promote a little bit april 17th okay cool just like let me see if i got some screenshots there were some pretty funny big brain takes on those threads about ben just comically um uh oh yeah this one killed me uh if jp trashes aspirin then ufc is a joke and boxing is superior nice man nice you nailed it hell yeah espn needs this guy it's kind of a funny like it's kind of a funny thing to even argue like they're two entirely different sports i know this one killed me all things being equal no shot take a top striker in boxing first top bjj fighter and your striker as soon as he hits the ground would be a huge disadvantage this is one of those like gracie like ground always wins guys yeah like i i know this dude is like tying up his ghee as he's like typing this [ __ ] out no [ __ ] shot dude come on take him to the floor opening up take him down rubbing the opening of his ski he watches the fights in his key oh if they could go to the floor right now bro [ __ ] love to see a little wrestling putting his foot behind his head yeah this is being flexed oh my god dude they could just [ __ ] go to the [ __ ] floor right now [ __ ] take them to the floor the only type of dudes that want that while watching a fight [Laughter] everyone else oh no don't go to the floor no yeah punch him in the [ __ ] face yeah i i love when like two like you know ufc fighting two guys go to the floor and instantly the crowd is just drunk as i was like oh no buy 17 hot 17 hot dog for this [Laughter] don't eat this big hot dog and watch two guys beat each other in the face [ __ ] we didn't talk about white boy summer oh all right we'll talk about it in the bone zone we'll talk about the bones what do you say like my favorite thing that happened this week between love chet hanks between chet ben and jake it's starting to stack up like a white boy pre-summer that's for sure oh my boy spring white boy spring free summer yeah [ __ ] [ __ ] spring dude just pre-summer white boy pre-summer white boy pre-summer yeah yeah man yeah i mean here's the thing though i'm kind of like not the type of white boy he's talking about you know yeah you're not included actually it was like he said that i was like yeah white boy summer let's go and then he's like and then he's like snapbacks or no get that [ __ ] out of here and like you know a lot of the things that he said you know i'm not rocking but you were slowly kind of disrobing you're like oh no definitely not yeah flannel shirts yeah [ __ ] get rid of that [ __ ] yeah that's absolutely number at all yeah salmon wait salmon shirts yes yeah it's not white boy summer for you if you've ever owned a salmon mint or bet um uh damn it like fisherman's blue uh button-up t-shirt yeah yeah my favorite part of the whole spiel was when he was like and no more using the term smoke show it's played out bro that's so funny that's so like i mean he's he's actually a really funny guy yeah like you can tell he knows what the [ __ ] he's doing but he's also unintentionally really funny too yeah like that's such a funny thing because like smoke show no one really says that anymore and it's not that fatty like every dude says that sort of but it's like a weird old term that's like just to bar that is so funny like no more saying smoke show there's a smoke show don't do it i was listening to the future the other day and he referred to a girl in his song as a smoker and i was like he's going to take this up with chet that's not very white boy summer i mean no it's like chet is saying smoke show is for white guys and don't say was he saying all guys or just white guys i think it was white guys i think his whole thing is like white boys we have to evolve so stop doing these things god because it's white boy summer and in order for it to be white boy summer we gotta so you got to stop saying smoke show yeah no more saying smoke show maybe you can still say smoke just smoke because the abbreviated form like she's a smoke yeah that's a smoker smoker that's good the future said he was like she's a smoker i was like chet future says it i mean but granted you know the future's definitely not in um the white boy category so yeah um yeah so we can we can rip the videos in the bonus how about that should we yeah yeah man we should play we should play the cameo before we ride out that cameo he's like that's me bowing to you just play it get my black just play it oh oh man is it good luke do we have the clip clip clip do we have the clip oh yeah i want that one that one yeah this is it let that rip alexis what's up baby it's chicken ace your girl baby amber schiffer that's a strong name um she told me that you're a black queen that's me taking a bow to the queen um are you a fan of my white boy summer thing i got going on i appreciate that um and that you hate sperry's as well but you love vans me and you would definitely get along if you ever see me come holler at me bye alexa love that i love that we would definitely get along definitely get along here you're a fan of the whole white boy summer thing i got going on he was like he did one he did one instagram story and he was like it was the day after the white he did the white boy summer video the first one and it kind of went viral and he's like damn woke up today internet gone mad again internet gone mad stop it the part that kills me about this cameo is like heard you hate spares you like vans it's like that sounds like a 16 year old bro it's like the idea of a teenager receiving this cameo and he's just like putting on this whole act like alexis yeah what's your favorite whole white boy summer thing i got going on yeah you're taking it out of you i'm sure we get along great holler at me he said holler at me [Laughter] all right all right we gotta move into the bonus we're gonna watch the other ones it's gonna be fun patreon.comgang thank you guys for watching and uh we got a fun couple weeks coming up so stay tuned all right oh yeah you definitely don't want to stay tuned you're not even man i'm gonna just say no more you'll see you'll see all right guys all right peace

Channel: Tiny Meat Gang

Views: 328,880

Rating: 4.9607782 out of 5

Keywords: White, Boy, Summer, Chet, Hanks, Jake, Paul, Lil, Nas, Nas X, Cracker, Barrel, Kelly, Slater, Surf, Ranch, Casino, Joyner, Lucas, Montero, Satan, Shoes, Ben, Askren, Surfing, Boxing, Fighting, UFC, MMA

Id: JBriv6SgKos

Length: 71min 0sec (4260 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 01 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/YoungSlingshot]

So has anybody had that gravy lol?