Episode 152 - No Kids Allowed

what's up guys welcome to the tmg podcast this is actually today's episode today's free episode but if you want uh the bonus episode that went up today as well you can find that on our patreon that's patreon.com tinymeatgang and uh the free episode will be ad free as well on there so uh and if not thanks and enjoy this one peace peace hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey okay i got one ready what instead of nesquik it's [ __ ] quick and it's it's basically it's a laxative and it's like one of those ovaltine commercials but it's all adults talking about their constipation oh nice oh that's cool yeah yeah that's cool i guess it also kind of works because it's ness quick as brown and like you know those product shots they do right you know close-up of the chocolate milk and stuff like that it kind of looks like poop anyways yeah and then like the doo-doo dirt you know it's like honey more more [ __ ] quick please and then yeah his wife stirs it up and he gives it to him [Laughter] big old smile good [Laughter] clears me right out honey more [ __ ] quick please i'm back honey i'm backed up oh let me mix up your [ __ ] quick having a tough day at the uh having a tough day at corporate not anymore not with [ __ ] quick and then he's pulling out his [ __ ] quick thermos at his desk i love drinking [ __ ] quick during a big meeting because i know by the end of it i'm going to clean lunch right out honey more [ __ ] quick please yeah yeah no you got it you got it come on i'm too tired dude i'm so tired man i'm so tired from the [ __ ] crazy 72-hour orgy you had just oh yeah dude it was just non-stop skin-to-skin yeah just i don't who's in your mouth you know who is it yeah no idea all night and all day all night who and what you don't know is that a clitoris is that a pinky toe what is it is that a could be just a dildo yeah you know who knows is it even human skin i know it could be the dog it could just be a kinder egg i mean you have no idea you have no idea is it edible we just both had the worst sleeps last night yeah [ __ ] oh and i also just stayed up till midnight playing call of duty just not the not the move but we had so much fun bro whatever you got you got a game sometimes you just no you really do and sometimes i was like you know sometimes you just gotta commit for one night you know commit yourself yeah to the game to the game you know and i we were playing we were playing and we like that's the oldest [ __ ] you said in a minute what you know sometimes you just gotta commit a night to gaming every gamer listening to this is like bro that's life that's not just one night well like because i've gotten better at it i've gotten better at like compartmentalizing like when i'm allowed to play and got it like you know i'll get off every night at nine so that i'm not [ __ ] turned up when i'm going to bed you know i see so i'm not like whoa like and then [ __ ] head you know hit the sack and i can't sleep and i'm like why not yeah yeah i thought you meant get off like on the gaming like you at nine o'clock every night you make sure to get off like kills you know it's getting off right now you got crazy kd oh yeah like i'm yeah like i'm [ __ ] yeah but you know because like the game but getting off as a gamer is like you know 30 and three you know 30 kills three deaths that's gay enough as a gamer yeah and i gotta say i was not performing well at all we were having fun but i wasn't i wasn't you know wasn't putting on a clinic by any means i uh we just we had this moment where we were all like super tired and i think marcus has like a weed skin for his truck like the big truck when he gets into it at all it turns into a weed thing so we're all like we're all playing like [ __ ] afterwards and he's like fellas we should have never gotten in the way truck we're all [ __ ] just dying like for no for no reason and then and then i i was so tired i didn't realize that he was dead and i had enough money to get him and i and i drop and i go straight to the buy and i didn't have didn't even have a gun and i bought a self-rest nice and marcus was like wait did you [ __ ] dick and i was like oh my god you're dead uh shouldn't have gotten the weed truck you know nice anyways yeah that was stupid it's not even close to his phone like it's just stupid i mean now that i'm telling it back it's like this is so dumb yeah whatever um did you start the new love island i gave in no i didn't how is it it's actually pretty [ __ ] good is it really it hurts for me to say i didn't want it to be good i was so ready to hate um it's good man like are the people like hold on i'm [ __ ] this [ __ ] everything's going wrong he shouldn't have gotten a weed truck man um so are they are the people interesting because here's the thing no yeah the casting way better it is way better because i look at i saw a picture of them on instagram not bro yeah and i was like these are the most average joe looking people bro like go back to the first season of that [ __ ] everyone was hot as [ __ ] that's what the show was about but they sucked and like with this season they struck they man they nailed it they got people who are just attractive enough to be so [ __ ] vain in the funniest ways possible it's so good like man give me an example what happened oh dude give me something to happen on the show carrington and first of all that name is hilarious and yeah he's another guy he's a dude okay and he he honestly um i i this isn't even really a roast he just he honestly looks like a fish with teeth okay like in a toupee like it's the craziest you know just i've never seen someone really who looks like him hold on do you have a picture carrington love island just love island bring it up i didn't uh i didn't prepare a picture of carrington but yeah everyone on the show is is like uh yeah just attractive enough to be full of [ __ ] okay with the exception of a few people but they're all mostly full of it and the eagerness to be on tv i imagine this is how it looks for people in the uk but you know they're not charmed by any accent like us yeah so i'm looking at these people like oh some of you are [ __ ] garbage [Laughter] you just you just know deep down but uh you know generally everyone in there is is well-intentioned like even if they're a bit vain they're not off-putting yeah you know they like these right on the british one or no in this season they wouldn't with the exception of a few but most of them are you know they're they're they're genuine people like they're they're not the kind of people that are like i'm so hot i only [ __ ] talk to or i only yeah but you know whatever it man i don't want to spoil too much but this one i don't think is a big spoiler one of the one of the contestants she's a blonde girl she on day two everyone's kind of joking around because she basically says like oh this guy i'm with like he's mine and everyone's kind of giving her [ __ ] for that because they're like oh it's kind of like early on and you're already claiming him so she walks away crying and then the dude she's with is like he's like groot as a hot guy like he says like five words he's never talking okay and she get she gets so angry at him for not consoling her when she was crying which was fair but uh this is the dude that she claimed yeah the dude that she claimed his name's connor okay okay and it was just kind of funny because he's already a dude who struggles to open up and and and later on you find out he's only had sex three times like with three people okay like it's man he's the it's so funny like how his brain processes [ __ ] he's like i'm just trying to learn what her expectations are i'm like no man it's toxic already like get out of there get out of there dude you're already in a relationship don't you see two days and she's already like why wouldn't you just she's like man she says some specific line that i can't remember but it was so funny because you could see in his eyes like there was something in his brain that was like hey it is way too early to be acting like this but it just wasn't enough power behind that voice for him to be like yeah now we're out of here he's just conforming to it already he's like okay i'm i'm a bad person but forget all that dude the thing that finally hit me last night after how much love island i've watched and you've watched why have we never talked about that little vocal sample at the top of the credits song that wait wait which one it's at the top of the credits song right when the episode ends it's that it's it's like last night i'm like what is that hold on wait you got to bring it up do we have the screen chair on or no no no but i i could just find it hold on [Laughter] what what is that oh i'm like why we never talked about this [ __ ] song hold on hold on hold on wait which one is it which one is it which one is it which one is it um wait wait wait wait wait here we go all right okay wait did you send it to me you observe it yeah okay watch straight hold on there we go yeah [Laughter] like it's like it's not a word it doesn't retain anything it sounds like lin-manuel miranda that's what it sounds like dude i was just crying laughing to myself yo kristen who else gets hyped when they hear this yeah kristen miner kristen's there in the living room i was dying i'm like were they who was in the studio and said hey man i want you to lay something down he's like all right go for it he's like just give me a [Laughter] like how like just like that like okay like kermit but he's coming yeah one more time i was so [ __ ] obsessed with this i tried to spell it out like what does that sound sound like and i came up with yeah yeah spell it h-u-u-u-u-u-h-u-h y w y a a u h yeah yeah wow i don't know why man it just it hit me last night like what the [ __ ] is that vocal hold on speaking of like speaking of like spelling [ __ ] [ __ ] okay hold on hold on hold on hold on let me find it hold on let me find it let me find he's finding it he's finding it he's zoning in he's fine we'll find it and i want to come back to love island for two other things dude cause here there were two other things that had me hysterical yeah yeah yeah yeah wait just keep going with it well i mean i'm gonna derail you with like you're definitely gonna forget about what the [ __ ] you're doing okay well this why it's just a really short clip i'm just sending it to myself right now hold on oh my god i don't even know if you'll find this funny i don't know why i [ __ ] die at this but here oh oh oh oh good point oh it's in talking points okay all right and wait wait no i don't believe that yanni body feels the way i do about jenna go to the comments and everyone's everyone's spelling out the way he said yanni there's like four wise men yeah doordash doordash door dash door dash door dash between never-ending laundry cycles and incoming emails you've got plenty on your to-do list give yourself one last thing to worry about and let doordash take care of your next meal okay doordash is an app that brings you food you're craving right now right to your door cody why don't you tell them why don't you tell them all right it is well ordering is super easy okay open the door dash app choose what you want to eat and your food will be left safely outside your door with new contact less delivery drop off setting contact less with over 300 000 partners in the u.s puerto rico canada australia you can support your local go-to's or choose from your favorite national restaurants like i don't know gee chipotle wendy's the cheesecake factory many of your favorite local restaurants are still open for delivery just open the door dash app select your favorite local restaurant and your food will be left at your door yes uh yeah and again door dash deliveries are now contact list to keep communities we operate in safe and right now our listeners can get five dollars off and zero delivery fees on their first order of 15 or more when you download the doordash app and enter the promo code tmg okay it's five bucks off uh your order and zero delivery fees on your first order so um when you download door dash app just use the promo code tmt uh and you can always get the app from the app store because that's the only place you get an app um don't forget that's promo code tmg five dollars i first ordered with door-to-door dash anyways okay love island no this this relays dude because all right like you look at you look at dude when he sticks his tongue out right yeah like yeah this actually is perfect because you know not that i'm not that i'm a tongue watcher you know okay but proportionally i would say his tongue doesn't really fit his face wait this guy oh he got like you got a little ass tongue okay yeah and no so that guy the guy with the with the you know with the emotional i'm not gonna call her emotional but the the dude connor who's with the girl who's crying i forget her damn name so they're they're doing truth or dare and you know per usual with love island you know lick from this part to that part yeah and this dude you know now you know that he's only had sex with three people so you're like whoa that doesn't necessarily mean he's not a sexual person but you know maybe you're just judging him a little bit like oh you're i don't know maybe you're not that good at it whatever yeah oh i say that because the way he gets down to like lick starting from her foot up like he's looking at it um how can i describe this like uh like an instruction manual like he's like got her foot in his two hands he's like okay so i'm gonna and he he points to the part of her foot he's like i'm gonna start here and she's like just [ __ ] do it oh no so he gets down and uh i could it hit me while he was so nervous about it because his tongue maybe came out like an inch or like maybe maybe maybe that's even too long it was like half an inch like he had like a little chihuahua tongue okay like and he's like he's like licking her foot but he's got his forehead like pressed against her like shin so he can't do it smoothly because like the angle because he doesn't have enough tongue so he's just like like trying to ram his face into her skin he's like and i was crying laughing like this dude is six three you know ripped and he's got the tiniest tongue ever like this dude in the tick tock and i just has this picture getting like super insecure she's like do you want to make out and he's like um yeah just uh you know just hold back on the tongue because i don't really like have a lot of tongue to yeah he's eating her out and she's like is it in yet she only feels it like every other three licks like she's like yeah exactly what's going on down there he's like i'm really trying he's like really going at it yeah he had like it looked like he had like a little fish tongue or some [ __ ] like it was just oh god it was just and i was like crying like crying because you know i knew his tongue got dry like at the ankle like that's how little tongue he had like he went from mid foot to ankle i already knew it was dry so i'm sure like as he was going up it was like ripping his tongue out of his head because you know there's no lubrication anymore yeah right right right right right yeah just painful for both parties and so she still she still was obsessed obsessed with him oh yeah yeah no she she's all about him huh it's because it's good you know it's it's not the size that matters no it's not no it's not i guess can you imagine she he goes on to lick her foot and she's like wait is that your tongue yeah he's like uh yeah wise yeah but it's it's cold yeah if it was warmer i'd have more tongues to see yeah yeah yeah the average tongue size is just wait do we start making out it's a grower trust me if you get on top it's better trust me yeah you'll feel it you'll feel it more if you're on top dude a tiny ass tongue poor guy man like him really like trying to eat out like eat box like really just getting in there just looking like i'm just trust me just the other thing that killed me about it like he's like reaching around grabbing her ass and just [ __ ] jamming his face bro the other thing i was crying out last thing he um he's definitely like socially awkward he's not a um a smooth guy okay and so you know everyone else the other thing that i i really this is the lamest thing i could ever say but i was impressed i felt on season one whenever they got a text it just felt like they were [ __ ] enough they just made it feel like american and annoying somehow and like like i got a i got a text message yeah just like i've got a text you're just like shut the [ __ ] up i have got a text but i have gotten a text i think they they nailed the delivery like i think they told them you have to say it like this because most of them hit it they go i've got a text like they nailed the cadence right yeah yeah and yeah it's text yeah like five i got it all right yeah branding so bro so i'm crying laughing because connor gets one he's like it's like straight up he's like guys i've got a text [Laughter] and the producer was like oh what the [ __ ] was that and now he's stoked for sure [ __ ] yeah and i was like just imagining him just like spiraling out of control just like screaming it repeatedly like [Laughter] you know he's like he wanted to say it normally but like you know his roid rage or something right right at that moment guys he like grabs one of the male contestants he's like i've got it grabbed him by the shirt yeah just spit all over his mouth yeah someone else like yo connor calm down the guy just grabs him he's like you don't have the [ __ ] text i got the [ __ ] text and then he just he stands up on the highest point holding up the phone pointing it at everyone huh you want me to read it you want me to read it now let me see what that is it's a text connor just read the text it's fine i'm gonna [ __ ] read it yeah yeah i just was just imagining him just going crazy just screaming it running around he's got a little foam in the corners of his mouth there's a little white part both is going absolutely ape [ __ ] just starts seizing up [Laughter] his head just starts twitching all kinds of ways and just like he's possessed it's like a tasmanian devil everyone runs away they're like i don't want to be on this [ __ ] show anymore he's just spazzing at the top of his just i've gotta test oh my god i was on i was on tick tock and i saw this dude i might have told you this already i saw this guy that was like it was like a it was like you know those dudes that do those faces where they like just push really hard in their faces yeah yeah he looked like he was doing that but he wasn't he was just sitting in front of the fan and the fan was blowing him like right in his face and he was like the caption was like when you oh first week on trim and this guy's like huge right his traps take up like 90 of the [Laughter] and he looks like he's doing the push face and i'm i'm like is this a joke i don't understand this this is a meme and i go to the captions then i realize that steroids and every single every single top rated reply was like dude just wait till the trend cough kicks in that's when it gets super gnarly holy [ __ ] and uh yeah dude like uh oh man i would have to take like five cold showers before noon and all this crazy wow deep cut [ __ ] from taking a really strong steroid and i'm like this is way way better than real estate tick tock i'm now on steroid tick tock this is where i want to be dude um that is nuts i've always heard about tren um just like yeah because of mma like um uh a lot of guys get accused of being on trend in mma um yeah but that's that's [ __ ] up yeah i mean like it's it throws you off a lot because you know you hear people talk about steroids i don't know anyone that's taken anything crazy like that you know yeah maybe like testosterone or whatever or um what's what's what's dynamic anabolics yeah anabolic steroids yeah i think i know people that have taken those yeah but then you read about crazy steroids and i just think in my mind i'm thinking about like the you know the russian dudes like injecting [ __ ] whatever chemicals their biceps yeah like that sort of [ __ ] and i'm reading the comments and it's all dudes just like talking super casually about this awful side effects of this crazy strong steroid that's like that those are the ones that like people say your balls shrink on and stuff like that like i went to reddit then afterwards and i was reading all like the the symptoms of people that taken it just was wild i don't know well that's i mean i'm kind of curious to take it because that's the problem i have is my balls are too big if my balls were smaller then i'd look more proportionate yeah yeah right right so if you're tired i have the same problem but with my ass cheeks uh this massive massive dumper yeah yeah i got a huge wagon on me yeah it's like every time my ass is so big every time i go down on my girl she thinks i'm throwing it back but i'm just that's just how i am babe [Laughter] she thinks i'm poking it up in the air i mean that's just that's just me that's just like stop stop what are you twerking i'm like no i'm just trying to get my tongue in there but it's just too small so i'm moving around a lot and i have a big big juicy ass man yeah i hated having a big ass i was younger on the bus because the vibration would just make it seem like i was just you know shaking my [ __ ] you know on the way to school yeah and everyone's like dude can you cut that out i'm like i can't i can't help it yeah teachers are like no that's that is inappropriate i'm like i have to wear a sundress because it's so big it doesn't fit in regular pants i was the only guy in school with a thrasher t-shirt and sundress bottoms that's a sick that sounds like a sick fit yeah kind of like irish yeah a little bit but yeah just longer yeah that's the ass was so big we should take trent man [ __ ] it i'm down i'm [ __ ] down like in a year when we just have no other ideas left let's just take steroids let's see what it does hold on ready read it dude we could actually become the 680 meme you know what i'm saying like it could come full circle that would be [ __ ] hilarious dude if then we were we became like the gym tickle guy yeah yeah and we became ronnie yeah yeah we really embodied the whole thing and then we used to talk about the gym all the time because we were always going i know but like we haven't talked about the gym in forever no i mean i wanted i wanted [ __ ] as soon as i canceled all my [ __ ] as soon as a boxing gym opens up i am there or kickboxing yeah but i feel like the gym is the most dangerous place to be absolutely amongst all this yeah but you're saying like once there's a vaccination or whatever yeah whatever whatever it is a chip vaccine both i don't care yeah whatever's going to bring me back in the gym yeah anyways trench off trend cough uh um it's just like this awful coffee you get from a store oh yeah this is trend is you inject it too so it's like i wonder how that works why like why does it make you cough difficulty breathing it's oh pulmonary oil embolism oh i don't know so that what there's like oil building up in like your [ __ ] heart i have no idea dude some some dude just comments i just hold on to my sink and go here we go is it worth it man to be yoked that that reminds me of this uh that some youtube video i saw of a dude he's like some irish bodybuilder um he's talking about like being stage lean you know like like looking like lean as [ __ ] as a bodybuilder he's basically saying yeah i'm stage lean and i'm the only reason i'm doing it is like i'm pretty much addicted to it but honestly this is the most miserable life experience ever it's like your relationship with food is completely gone like you [ __ ] hate it you're just doing it to do it he's like when you're in the gym and you get your little 30 second instagram clip of you looking lean looking energetic and and pumping weight he's like that's probably the only time you actually have energy it takes you two hours to work out because there's no [ __ ] fuel in your system and you're just dying and you're just pushing yourself to get through every single rep it just feels like murder damn he was saying like so if you were to ask me uh you know should i attempt to be stage lean i would tell you no so he wanted to be stage lean all the time well he's he's you know he he competes i guess and like he's a bad yeah but like for competition yeah that's i mean people go through hell to to do well for a competition but like that's true what training is yeah but that's like what you know you yeah it's like the phases like you're not always doing that you're also eating a lot for a certain period of time so you can like bulk right yeah but i think that's what he was saying is like it's the same thing with food i think his point he didn't articulate that point very well but how i interpreted it was he has to eat so much food that he doesn't he can't it's like not even fun because he's just like pushing it in his looking face yeah for days on end and then the next 30 days will be eating nothing yeah but trying to do the same workouts and it's just like a horrible like rinse repeat yeah that um and yeah now is the time to celebrate that's right folks football is finally back and draftkings the leader in one day fantasy sports has millions of reasons why you should be excited to kick off the new football season wait did i get that right yeah yeah to kick off the football season draftkings is giving new users a free one shot at a one what holy [ __ ] one million dollar top prize one million dollars nate has to bleep out that cuss uh with a total of three million dollars up for grabs for this thursday's football contest are you kidding me holy [ __ ] that's right folks getting 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here's my issue right now with like trying to eat healthy is that you know i've eaten healthy for most of my life yeah and then recently i started because you know i i would cook my my parents would cook and they'd always cook like really good sort of like veganish food they would never use like real butter sure ever damn you know unless she was making like cookies or whatever but like even then it's like the butter is halved you know yeah and recently i started cooking with butter and like with just like with the [ __ ] that restaurants cook with and i'm like this is so much [ __ ] better ah like as much as much as you want to be like no it's a really good key it's a really good vegan meal tastes exactly the same and it's way better and it's just as good and it's better it's just never as good no never as good no and so he's probably eating pounds and pounds of like raw fish you know not yet fish but you know what i'm saying like plain tuna with nothing else in it there was that but then there was also cuts of him in ihop with with tons of food and or not was it ihop it can't be ihop is in ireland but it was it was some diner type place maybe that's because he it was high hop ihop yeah no they don't have eye out there i have hop along i belong to the shire i hopefully hop along to the shire that's what they have the shire is their breakfast spot yeah oh i see you down in the shire i hope you have a good day [Laughter] i hope you like the stick in your mouth oh you've read i hope no no mate was i hope i hope this dick in your mouth i hope you're like this dick in your mouth i just realized i should probably not kelsey's like tutoring a child right now in our living room yeah that's fine i should probably not be being as explicit as i'm being no turn up teach that kid something yeah [Laughter] he's like mom they were saying something about dick and mouth taking mouth and i've got a text and nah man this is for the church this is the future this is the future er your office being in your home and your and you know coronavirus has successfully turned every every apartment into a we work yeah you know yeah boyfriend works in the bathroom mm-hmm you know girlfriend works in the living room you know however it is you know or in the bedroom and then you gotta you know then you gotta say ugh these uh these guys next door it's uh he's like it's like a web development company or something and they're just so loud all day sorry anyway continue you know it's uh yeah and like if you want to upgrade from the bathroom you have to pay a little bit more rent yeah well if you want to work out of the bedroom you got to pay more are you [ __ ] kidding me are you [ __ ] kidding it's kind of funny because it kind of is like that it is like everyone that used to work an office job now is just fighting over real estate in their own home you know they're gonna everyone at first is like oh working at home is so great by the end of this [ __ ] people are going to be begging to go back to the office begging begging and and and that's when all the corporations are going to move the office building three hours out of town because you know due to coronavirus had to find somewhere cheaper yeah and they're just going yeah it's just gonna make it everyone's like yeah it's actually making you know office life better because we can work from home and all this no no it's gonna make it way worse yep yep i mean i mean for some people i think it makes sense like if you're in i.t i don't really think you need to be there yeah but you got to like set up the servers and [ __ ] like that yeah and yeah and give people but you can just like remote end and yeah with [ __ ] exactly yeah yeah and you can you know get one day a week people can you know get their laptops and and that's about it you know that yeah that's that's all you got to do but um yeah yeah anyway tangent let's watch this [ __ ] adult hype house [ __ ] yeah i'm just my brain is like what the [ __ ] were we talking about just a second ago before we got on the oh ihop got it yeah bro i hit someone with eucalyptus though on stream it felt so good did you really i felt so good who'd you get someone was like hey it's my birthday what did you get me i was like oh i'm like uh alina got you some eucalyptus and then elaine's like eucalypt i'm like yeah you could lift this dick and it was great because it was one-sided like there was there was no they couldn't donate fast enough to be like i know what eucalyptus is yeah yeah yeah no it's like you got you got owned and you gotta deal with it yeah yeah take that one to sleep yeah you know what i love is the idea of someone just you know throwing out a quick 500 bits and then they go hey man what'd you get for my birthday and they're all excited and i hit him with eucalyptus dick and they're just sitting in their room looking at their phone like oh damn and then they got to go down for dinner and they're like what are you doing upstairs i was like um thinking about eucalyptus no [ __ ] uh no yeah they do it to their parents that's the only way you can feel better about it that's what i do i use the ones you use on me on my friends and then they laugh and i'm like okay yeah yeah anymore it's the worst when someone doesn't get it yeah they're like malone brown what malone brown dick in here what do you mean malone brown dick in your mouth what does that mean yeah i'm like malone brown yeah malone brown dude dude dude that's why i wanted to bring up the [ __ ] ihop thing did you see that tick tock where that guy was in that uh what the [ __ ] did he call it it was like uh it was like some [ __ ] omelette it was like some name it would look disgusting you know what i'm talking about it had like [ __ ] like [ __ ] oh it was [ __ ] foul okay it was a tick tock yeah [ __ ] ah i didn't see it it was like it was like was it it's like something omelette like a denver on omelet oh it was i'mma let you let this dick no i [ __ ] it up i will let you lick this dick i'm listen you own i'm happy you [ __ ] it up because i don't feel like i can give you that one fully no you can't but i was just i was trying to curveball it i know you [ __ ] i mean i feel like you still got me [Music] i'm sorry you guys you guys have to understand these are like these are fan submissions i can't tell you how many messages i get like hey i'm gonna let you let this i'm gonna let you let this dick it's a hard one it's a hard one i'm gonna let you like yeah that is i'm gonna let you lick this dick god that's good dude [ __ ] i almost damn i almost just got got he said denver omelet that was like a den for denver rama i should have slowed it down it just said nah um i'm gonna let you lick this dick guys you have to understand because you know in previous days cody would try to get me with the sigma and i always go man come on we know this we know this but now everyone's giving me these clever submissions like someone someone messaged me that he was like hey man you should hit him with omelette i was like oh that's [ __ ] cold and some other girl was like you should use eucalyptus that's a hard one but i was like i don't think i'm again with eucalyptus but i need that one so you know there was a there was a moment this weekend where somebody said something a word and i i thought to myself i'm like damn that could that could be it yeah see it wasn't all the way there it was it was the second half you know it was like a two-word thing oh okay it was like a name it was like a name like malone brown right okay i forget what it was but i sat there for like 45 minutes [ __ ] like yeah we're like playing a drinking game and i'm zoned out trying to think of this and they're like cody and i'm like what's up see your spin your turn you're supposed to do never have i ever whatever and i'm like oh well i'm just what are we what are we doing what are we playing and then i go right back to it and i didn't i didn't figure it out bro now you know my vibe when i was thinking of the malone brown setup you know it just it's totally it just takes you over like you did something [ __ ] yeah but it feels you know it's it's gonna be a big payoff if it works oh it feels so good yeah yeah it's so good it's i think i think it's i almost say it's meaner to do in a private context like with just your friends because you know i feel like in a you know in this context for like a video or like a podcast it's like oh okay it's a joke shared amongst all of us remember malone brown ahaha but to like hit someone with malone brown just in the middle of their day one on one and then you just continue to hang out with that person that's kind of [ __ ] mean it is it is kind of it's like establishing like i'm better than you yeah it's like yeah it's completely i just cucked you in front of the whole group [Laughter] yeah i'm the alpha i'm the alpha yeah in a world of clothes shopping there are no consistent sizes why should we have to try and guess if a medium is really a medium or constantly have to return clothes purchased online to find something that fits perfectly yeah stitch fix is a personal styling company that makes getting the clothes you love effortless it's a completely different way to shop that's all about you every damn time to get started go to stitchfix.com tmg to set up your profile and they'll deliver great looks personalized just for you in your colors styles and budget you pay a 20 styling fee for each fix which is credited towards anything you keep schedule at any time there's no subscription required plus shipping and returns and exchanges are easy and free stitch fix does the hard work for you making great style effortless for everybody including men women and kids um wait i mean i've used stitch fix a couple times yeah it's great it's solid corporate wear it's so easy come on okay you go to the mall you're like i don't know there's so much you know none of that stuff right yeah especially now they send it right to your door especially now because yeah you know malls aren't really you know yeah you know you you know it ain't really anything so get started today at stitchfix.com tmg and you'll get 25 off when you keep everything in your fix stitchfix.com tmg for 25 off when you keep everything in your fix stitchfix.com tmg [Music] we all love it we do and most of us probably want more of it i actually do but rather than getting a solid night's rest we often find ourselves scrolling social media or reading the news when we should be powering down for the night oh that's that's a nice little powering down yeah powering power down that phone power down your life you know yeah that's why noel and i are excited to partner with calm the app designed to help you ease stress and get the best sleep of your entire life and when you relieve anxiety and improve your sleep you feel better in every part of your life calm has a whole library of programs designed for healthy sleep like soundscapes guided meditations and over a hundred sleep stories narrated by soothing voices like stephen fry kelly roland and laura dern wait hold up laura burn i thought that said laura dean for a second brother lord dern to me i'm about to act what helps you get to sleep white noise ocean sounds well bro actually uh i had a wicked migraine the other day and i was i put on the sounds of of ocean and i just i just let it cruise i just put it on repeat i did it for like 10 hours and i'm surprised i don't do it more so wow i actually did it would you say a calm deal it did calm me no i mean i i find that we'll probably have to cut all this out um no it's fine it's fine over 85 million people around the world use calm to take care of their minds and get better sleep and uh and if you go to com.com that's c-a-c-a-l-m.com tmg you'll get a limited time offer a 40 off a com premium subscription which includes hundreds of hours of programming so get the comm app and experience the transformation in the way that you sleep again that's c-a-l-m-c-o-m-t-m-g all right we can watch the honey house yeah speaking of alphas let's watch this man this thing this thing have been going around i mean you just kind of you just kind of have to hold on let me set the window right let me set this window right bro an adult tick-tock house that's uh this is what it looks like from morning till 5 p.m in our adult tick tock house why would you even call it like why would you call it a tick tock house why don't you just roommates what do you mean yeah what do you mean yeah that's just that's just living in like as an adult like i went to their page and like you know most of their tick tocks don't have that many views and it's like it's not and this whole thing is is advertising the real jobs they have yeah which are not real jobs just [ __ ] roommates what do you mean it's called a tick tock house when it's all you do yeah and it's your career they're also not real jobs i know that's the best part always like sorry go ahead this person is a life coach [Laughter] like this person is a is a meditation guru what does that even mean man how do you get paid to do that bro i was yeah i mean i'll expand on that in a second but you know basically what this is is this is just [ __ ] like you know taylor knife but they can choose when they want to do drugs yeah you know like they can willingly get on drugs they don't have to um they don't have to wait for the fame to to catch up to them they're just doing them now yeah cocaine by the way if you don't know what we're talking about you go back and watch the last bonus episode it's probably one of my favorites that we filmed oh yeah oh man man it's so good man dark story all right here we go with the with the boy let me run let me start this over oh come on dude oh come on dude yeah wait i'm just gonna no i gotta hear the guys yeah yeah yeah oh yeah this is gonna get copyrighted because the [ __ ] music is it yeah it is okay yeah right go back start it over let let me just i'll just do the voiceover okay all right this is even better the fact that you're going to try this all right and scene okay here's what a day in the honey host looks like it's our adult tick tock house sam filming workouts on youtube plus apps with her team dio agency plus brand strategy he no dude it's so good the [ __ ] he says is so good man we could just get a what if we just like you know break it up line by line it advises a lot of better for you brands so she's always sitting here on her computer crush crushing it crushing it dude this guy was hilarious jared is a fitness trainer and actor so whenever he's not reading his sides he's working out i'm like this dude's really eating a sandwich and doing curls with his left arm what is this a [ __ ] cartoon you know what's also funny is that like reading sides and workouts are two things that take one hour yes yeah you can [ __ ] memorize any audition in one hour you can do any workout in an hour what else are you what do you mean when he's not doing this he's doing this it's like well then what about the other 20 [ __ ] hours of the day these people just have to be in there like yeah oh wait he was a fitness trainer oh i see yeah probably training other people yeah i get it whatever this guy this guy's my favorite mindset and personal development it's like one of these like accountability coaches he said he's the dude goes he's on the phone all day getting people fired up like this dude it's just all like deep into the day like two o'clock in the afternoon he's calling some guy in like [ __ ] i don't know singapore or some [ __ ] he's about to go into his night shift and he's like man you [ __ ] ready like who's paying this guy to hype him up that's what i'm that's what i'm dude with these jobs my biggest point of confusion with this is how how the [ __ ] do you start advertising yourself as this yeah how do you make a decision one day these i'm pretty good at getting people fired up and you literally build yourself a squarespace website that says life coach or whatever the [ __ ] and then you what do you do like you email people like how would you feel good about that yeah i mean bro also you keep that chessboard on the ground my guy is a [ __ ] thinker all day every day dude oh yeah critical thinker yeah i don't know how you get started as a mindset and personal development guy that that part is um i mean it just has to be i can only imagine all these jobs start by [ __ ] somebody's wife honestly yeah you [ __ ] somebody's wife and then she's like i want to see you more but we can't keep doing this what if you're like my personal development coach and then he's like oh yeah and he like builds a website and then you know that's his one client and then her husband becomes his mentor because she's like he's so great and he's like you know i should introduce you know what you do for my wife you could do for my other friends other wives and then this all this guy is actually doing is [ __ ] rich guys wives because the unspoken thing is the rich guy just wants to outsource the rich guys that's his phone call right now yeah is all right beverly hilton cool i'll be there in 30 minutes i'll be there to knock your [ __ ] lights out all these rich guys word mandarin hotel okay cool yeah yeah okay mandarin hotel this is narrator yeah he's so good at getting people fired up all day i'm gonna [ __ ] your [ __ ] brains out right now all these rich guys are passing around his card like oh man i haven't i haven't [ __ ] my wife in years i just hired this personal development guy nick he's great [ __ ] the [ __ ] out of her i can just keep working i can just keep poisoning foreign countries with all kinds of business assets and [ __ ] and then he just he just takes care of that thing at home yeah that's what it really is yeah but you know mindset hey babe you don't have to worry that he doesn't love you because i love you oh my god nick can we do this full time oh well you know you know my rates all right why don't we why don't we why don't you bring me to your place sometime i think my roommates would be really into that i live with like 12 people 12 people yeah the irony is that as a mindset personal development coach is it's not a it's not a high-paying job it's not a lucrative job it's it's a good job but it's not lucrative you know you definitely earn your dollar yeah you know this is some this is some blue-collar dick appointment type stuff you know this ain't no thing on the side yeah [Laughter] all right what else do we have oh yeah he's like evan and dina are models and trainers so when they're not doing photo shoots they're working out it's like that's not what like these are the people where it takes an hour yeah maybe two and they say and then there's me and that's me someone screwed a little bit of everything well someone screencapped a comment from this dude on this video he's like and we have poc in the house i know i saw that too just like someone was like wow all white people and he was like no we have poc in the house too then the person was like but they're so they're not good enough for the video or what like oh my god oh my god yeah you know what's funny is that someone was like all these jobs are just they only exist in la and i was like yeah it's just so funny thinking about like a personal development coach existing and yeah cleveland oh yeah i mean personal development coach anywhere else is just a drug dealer yeah exactly yeah hey man you want to feel better i got something for you yeah that's all it is what else is is here what what the [ __ ] is this him and his girl posting pregnancy updates on her only fans charging 10 a subscription to see baby bump pictures what the [ __ ] i hate this so that's how they pay for the house is only fans no it's fake though they said it's fake oh they look like them they look like them got it yeah this is just like you know attractive people doing mundane [ __ ] and you know it's pretty it's pretty absurd yeah no this this is like you couldn't write a better bit than this it's like and and there's no shame about them either like yeah we're all hot yeah we're all hot we live in this house and like we just [ __ ] play games all day yeah [ __ ] sick [Laughter] if we're not working out or reading sides we're playing fun ping ping-pong ball games and filming it i cannot imagine this being fun i don't even know if they actually live here like i just feel like they clock into this [ __ ] as a job i want to know how big this house actually is wait go back to the first video that we watched because he does like uh he says this is the house right here oh yeah like is it a mansion no it's like it's like open the hills okay you know what we have to get the first line of this [ __ ] we have to let everyone hear the first line of this [ __ ] video because it's just too good the honey house i'm gonna i'm gonna let it run all the way through okay yeah yeah good good call yeah it's it's basically one of these apartment con workouts on youtube plus apps with their team dio he's a brand strategy god he's totally able to [ __ ] be uh be meditation plus mindset coach she'll get you zen the [ __ ] out pretty much and then uh aaron she's the only one with a real job e-commerce e-commerce brand strategy yeah but even that she could just be drop shipping like anal beads or something drop shipping anal beads to nick's clients everything revolves around nick's clients all these hot wives he's banging all these trainers and stuff they're they're all they're keeping the wives in shape here's what goes on at our adult tick tock house called the honey house honey house god damn dude so l.a the honey house that dude he's from toronto for sure it has to be yeah toronto yeah honey house yeah we've got we've got a nice little honey house got a lot of a lot of good things going on here at the honey house and i can't even i think i think yeah they're all just [ __ ] older people in l.a yeah like they all have sugar mamas and sugar daddies have to be yeah i know i know there's going to be one dork who's like you guys are just jealous yeah dude yes we are i want a rooftop yeah i want to be hot with a rooftop and just [ __ ] all the time on a rooftop dude i want to have a sick body on a [ __ ] fake grass rooftop yeah right that's an experience i've will never have having a hot ass body working out on turf i'll never know what that's like yeah i'll just also could there be anything easier content-wise than posting a workout routine oh yeah i'm sorry but you just pick four exercises the video only has to be a [ __ ] minute long yeah you pick four episo exercises that are somewhat related you do those in a row on video like you're going to work out anyways you might as well [ __ ] film it and then post it and be like my new workout routine yeah and right yeah and the best thing is dude about that is when you're hot the content's evergreen you know there's seven billion people on this earth there can be a new person every day discovering that you're hot as [ __ ] yeah like yes it just it just works in your sleep and as kids are born and then they learn more about the internet your old bot your body that was filmed 10 years ago is [ __ ] evergreen yeah people still talking about you know um uh who am i thinking of oh my god hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on wait wait i got it i got it i got it i got it jamie lee curtis okay people still talk about jamie lee curtis young she's 60 but you know they choose to remember her in her 30s yeah so yeah dude yeah it's just easier for hot people it's just everything's easier for hot people all right look okay look you open up that video right you see nice body felt rooftop your thoughts right away are holy [ __ ] that person's hot and they're rich yeah automatically i'm going into this with positive connotations okay you open up one of my videos right you say this guy is a little bit chubby and he's he's got cardboard boxes all over his office and why does he seem like he's perpetually sweating is that the lighting or is his forehead that's that shiny exactly exactly also yeah a little bit of you know shave maybe between your eyes a little bit more you know also bags under the eyes probably could get more sleep okay right that's what you're thinking you're watching my video going in so that's what it is yeah and it's just easier for for the hot people you know everything's easier for hot people it's stupid it's dumb ugly the rest of the world has to work they have to work their [ __ ] ass off to get on a boat all right and i don't mean like a dinghy or some [ __ ] i mean a boat that you could [ __ ] on i guess you could [ __ ] on any boat a boat that you could that has a bathroom yeah yeah you could take a [ __ ] on there you go yeah a boat you can take a [ __ ] on yeah uh with a mirror yeah yeah yeah yeah that's the key yeah that's the key aspect is enough in two different seating areas yeah separated yeah one on the front one on the back you had to work so hard to like to finesse even being in a situation like that like yeah work my way up with the company and then like the president invited me to go hang out with his friends and they're all these [ __ ] rich people we went on a boat it's like that's the average tail but a hot person it's like yeah man i don't know i was like 16 and uh this [ __ ] like this chick in like spain like i don't know she just want to fly me out and it turns out it's like casting directors i got this model gig and i was living in spain for like three months dude and we were like living on this boat turns out she had a husband i had no idea because i was [ __ ] the [ __ ] out of her dog dude i have a friend who has that exact did i tell you that no swear to god believe it swear to god he met this one this dude's hot jacked guy right yeah long hair like you know he's got a kind of a you know like a um i forget he's cuban or something anyways he met he meets this woman i'm not gonna i'm gonna like kind of butcher this story because i don't really remember it yeah but basically that just says he meets this woman this older woman who wants to [ __ ] him and she says i'll fly you out and i'm gonna get a suite and um where was it somewhere in europe or something like that yeah and he was like all right cool and he flies out and he just like stays in this fight she's rich as [ __ ] five-star sweet ocean views for the whole weekend and he just [ __ ] her that's all he does by the end he's like i was in house chafed i was like in pain and then like later finds out that she's like married and like all this weird [ __ ] and the story is way crazier than that but he's telling me this like it's just normal and i'm like do you realize this doesn't happen to people yeah it's annoying ever i've ever to my old buddies they're uh you know they're just [ __ ] it's annoying it's annoying it's like fun like [ __ ] they don't have to try they don't even have to try they were like there's you know they were telling me that's the first time i heard about someone um [ __ ] a sugar mama and or like an older lady and getting their rent paid [Laughter] my boy was like he's like oh yeah one time i [ __ ] this uh they were like talking with each other about their i don't know their experiences like in front of me kind of like they were talking about something i was like man what the [ __ ] is going on and then one one looks to the other and he goes uh oh remember remember remember when i when i [ __ ] that old lady for that rent and then my other boy is like oh that was a crazy time and i was like what he was like yeah i [ __ ] this old lady she paid our rent that she was crazy dawg i was like in what world in what world are you just wait did you just glitch out or this is your mic no no no i'm i'm in i'm in can you imagine that you you dick appointment and then you're pulling up your pants she's like do you need help on your rent he's like oh actually yeah actually yeah if you wouldn't mind yeah you want to take care of that [ __ ] bro and they were living in san francisco so that wasn't like you know some ohio rent that was like yeah it was a bullet wow i couldn't believe that [ __ ] yeah and it's still wild it stemmed because we went to some weird like cocktail party it was like a corporate party and and my buddy knew some girl there and so we all got in whatever whatever and there was this like old lady at the bar and uh my buddy walks up to her and he's like hey what's up she's like what do you do he's like i'm a director and we were working at a call center and i'm like oh my man is oh no my man is he's going to do it and she's like dude by the end of the night she's like i want to take you home so bad i need you like she's like begging him i'm like this is [ __ ] stupid this is stupid because it's you you you i'm like you might have game but it's the [ __ ] it's you're a hot dude you could have said anything you could have looked at him and like i'm actually a foreman at home depot you could have said i work at a call center yeah because i worked at a call center she's like oh my god i wish what kind of call what kind of call kind of yeah yeah can i call you how can i call you i call people all day and sell them knives yeah i'm a knife salesman at a call center outbound i work in a six-person office in van nuys oh my god could you split split me hope can you cut me open like like one of your knives would go you could you could cut open my box oh my god fillet me that's that's graphic um jesus yeah yeah it's stupid it's stupid every other person i yeah every hot person ever has some dumb story like that like yeah man you know just [ __ ] you know i don't know man i just i just like [ __ ] the whole family like it was like her mom and then her sisters wanted to [ __ ] me and then like her cousins heard about it and then i [ __ ] the cousins and then like yeah then like her arm that's what i that's this all goes back to that that tick tock pickup artist guy because i feel like actual hot dudes that [ __ ] have stories like these that they'll just say nonchalantly randomly and then you're like because they don't think it's a big deal no and then you're like wait what and he's like yeah yeah grandpa and the grandma too they wanted to get in on it and it's just like i ended up like you know the whole family the whole thing the dog as well and then the uncle was like you know i'm i'm impotent do you want to just [ __ ] my wife real quick like you know it's like it's totally cool and then like you know they just happened to be friends with the prime minister of [ __ ] uh you know uh turks and caicos and like she's like super hot and she was like i heard you can [ __ ] so yeah i [ __ ] the prime minister isn't that crazy yeah flew out of [ __ ] so then now i have diplomatic immunity there yeah which is wild so this it's not crazy to think like i could go there and kill someone and i wouldn't get murdered which i did yeah it came in handy i got into a bar fight because i was [ __ ] this dude's girl [ __ ] the guy's wife and the dude tried to kill me at a bar and i just like spazzed out and like somehow i naturally just have like you know krav maga instinct and like just my hot ass brain is just like wired to do everything cool it's like i picked up a knife i stabbed him cleaning the [ __ ] face and then everyone like applauded it because like i'm hot and yeah and like here's the thing is like once you do that it kind of establishes your dominance like it's part of the culture there now all the guys look up to me so now i kind of have free reign in terms of wives and yeah i'm just like a kid there so i'm a king basically so so yeah that's why i didn't finish the last semester of college because like i went abroad and just like [ __ ] got lit it's literal yeah it's just like a literal king yeah they're actually like a god yeah you kind of see me there's like shrines and it's like you know there's a bunch of statues and stuff in me now there's this [ __ ] great terms of that guy and murder was also like you know just like a serial criminal and like everyone was hoping he'd be eradicated so like they just like made me part of like turks and caicos history and and i actually have a piece of royalty now like they gave me land and it's worth like a [ __ ] load of money yeah so now i just went right over the top of like a bunch of oil and i just like technically i'm actually like a billionaire now like not liquid of course but like most of it is liquid actually and uh yeah so i'm like an oligarch basically but i just like live in a van because like i like the vibe you want to slam this twisted tee or what and you're like sitting there in your after hours developer outfit you're like i just worked 60 weeks building an app that's going to let this hot guy share media to continue to live this life and i can't even finish this twisted tea because i don't even drink that alcohol like that because i can't live a life where i can drink that much alcohol consistently like this guys it's too sweet i know if i drink this i'm going to put on three pounds just as this one twisted tea and i don't even get 10 000 steps a day so my stomach is just gonna continue to grow if i slam this [ __ ] and i have to beg this dude to be on my app because this is the only way it's gonna work that's the whole reason i'm here yeah listen man what if i paid you to be on my ass yeah yeah that sounds [ __ ] sick sure yeah yeah [ __ ] yeah you know you know what's crazy is like i've been paid to be on a bunch of apps like have equity in like 10 apps yeah actually snapchat hit me up like way early on like this was probably like a week into its development and they said listen we'll give you half the app if you just post and so i actually own technically 51 of a majority stakeholder in snapchat i never go to the meetings or anything you know because i'm like too lazy but yeah so i guess i'm actually technically a billionaire from that too i just realized that that's crazy cool i'm going to kill myself um [Laughter] i just say it's just it's so i think that's why people like love island i think people like love island because a hot person has to struggle they're like yeah it sucks doesn't it sucks getting rejected you [ __ ] idiot you've never felt it before [ __ ] you yeah but then there's always the one dude that we're talking about that comes in oh and just and all the girls step forward for him yeah dude nothing will beat adam coming out on like season three or whatever which one was adam when all the dudes walked out and then he was like the adonis looking [ __ ] yes yes yes yes the tatted guy yeah a dude think that rosie is a nice girl um should we slide into it yeah let's slide into it i'm gonna get some water real quick but uh you guys know the drill tmgpod.com if you want to get merch there's still new stuff up there and uh yeah it's still it's still go i don't think it's all sold out yet let me see allow me to check please yeah we're still we're still cooking with that stuff we're still getting we're still stocked up so go get you some um yeah i got some items sorry i just wanted to text real quick that's fine people people have been getting their stuff and so they're posting tweets of it and you know it's all looking good and the the quality of this stuff is is really high so yeah yeah and that's it so yeah we'll see you guys soon peace

Channel: Tiny Meat Gang

Views: 366,469

Rating: 4.9464002 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: 3UUsSCjTdd0

Length: 71min 26sec (4286 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 10 2020