Best of the Worst: The Last Vampire on Earth

oh hi Colin hey Mike you came to here just in time for what well today we're doing a spotlight episode so we've gone ahead and picked all of your favorite terrible B movies and set them up on a shelf over there that means you my friend get to pick the terrible film we spotlight today tell me more that's it I just said everything let's go over and look at that shelf now well here we are at the shelf I mentioned and these are all of your favorite bad B movies so why don't you go ahead and pick one for us to watch today hmm okay hmm think carefully yeah like a quality selection well Colin we don't have all day you're going to have to select one of the films I can't make a choice you know what I was going to close my eyes and just see what I think okay [Music] why it's the last vampire on earth by legendary filmmaker Vitaly Versace we need to start playing with this will called the best of the worst fidget spinner edition and will get a million views guaranteed best source pigeons look at these dinner chicks and tricks and tips tricks and pics and tips smash oh no I accidentally burnt out half of the like well welcome to another best of the worst spotlight edition today we're talking about the last vampire on earth [Music] oh Jesus Christ what the [ __ ] you sure or not I hope none of you have epilepsy I do now directed by Vitaly Versace he's an up-and-coming go-getter you know he or may not be a Sacha Baron Cohen invention and so all the haters will love you and there is no success without hate my name is Katella Versace a film director producer and I approve this message god Bless America simply put he's brilliant where the [ __ ] do we start we start with him do we start with me yeah that's well count it is what Collins pick Oh all on you now you force my hand sir we gave you plenty of choice so many options many I'm literally to oxidant this is your favorite film of all time and the in profit ok the last vampire I'm missing like an email or written form giving any evidence is yeah presumed that evidence here I think I need to ask you how the hell did you come across this movie I'm an innocent question I think it just got sent to us somebody sent it to you this was yeah one random night we were doing as we sometimes do just you know bad movie watching not on camera and we discovered the film and it changed our lives I was sure a world without injustice murder or suffering I guess that's a bit optimistic but at the very least I'm trying to do it as this I can wherever I am if Tommy was so made Twilight basically yes are you gonna say if Tommy Wiseau made bad film oh I mean he found an ogre to star as the vampire okay well let's start with that this is Twilight [Music] like almost literally as well there's a couple changes that are very important Rises there's some surprises we'll get into but overall it's Twilight yeah with terrible terrible acting why me why would you want me to know this I'm just a girl going on about her life trying to make the world a better place and even worse dialog I want you to know because you are just a girl trying to make the world a better place I feel this magnetism to you that I can't explain I think we watched Twilight one time right I think we watched some of Twilight at every finish yeah in preparation for a like a review the whole series that we never did well no we reviewed Breaking Dawn breaking wind part two it is that one yeah and then we were going to go back and watch the rest of them oh we got like halfway through the first one we like [ __ ] it well they couldn't get Robert Pattinson so they got Shrek yeah to play your hunky lead sexy vampire man you can't even pronounce words you only go for a Walther something you want to Joe for a watch or something is like the charisma of a wet sack of gravel like he is like he looks like Haley Joel Osment if you went on like you know with a weekend bender with like Jesus got coke bloat yeah pretty oh so you're talking about just modern-day Haley Joel Osment you see that right there those four stars there and a square or page assistant body that one there's his neck and head the movie treats it as if he's the robber Pattinson it was a weirdest kind of juxtaposition is just yeah they treat him like he's brooding sexy vampire man no he's not he looks like a serial killer but hello I was done yeah they cast this guy and I'm like there's this like like two things like he's really handsome and looks like Robert Pattinson but can't act or he can act really well and looks like Shrek the worst of all has the worst of what it's amazing how old are you 20 how long have you been that old how old are you 17 long you've been 17 Wow that's a long time to be by yourself did you see Jesus I faked a couple of times it almost feels like the movie was made just as a practical joke on that lead actor like just to embarrass them well they had interviews and like the first thing Vitali had to say about you know his lead actor his best quality was he showed up on time and look forward he was my good that girl with time I love the fact that he's so good he shows up when he's scheduled to well we don't so born into mafia that he had issues with that guys where's Ivan at he's out on a date or something oh [ __ ] what's going on and he had to replace one of his actors with the back of somebody else's head that's true yeah the actor didn't show up which brings us into a topic that's very near and dear to me and rich and Vitaly personifies this yeah many many many years ago rich and I created a character named Sergio I'm said you know I'm here to make a big American movie my my actress not show up so I've cast Boyan wig so eventually rich and I created a cartoon my name is Sergio and I write to you from my home country because today is day I leave for America I love all things about America especially movies I like action movies like Jackie Chan and Pierce Brosnan but I really love scary movie like scream or mrs. Doubtfire we created a whole back to his father who beat him did he sir J didn't design the actual Sergio that's right I completely forgot I did yes yeah the actual Sergio guy I do that yes Wow I forgot all about that and we had his girlfriend he had his father who beat him and his mother he moved remember when him and his mother left for America their house collapsed Sergio need life of excitement in America herding sheep not my calling in life but making American movie is much like Citizen Kane or showgirls vitaliy versace is the living embodiment of surgery a real-life surgeon he's real I come to automatic I make movie yeah um how it was the favorite I like all of them and he's chasing those friends too it's like he makes the like a mafia movie you're going to let me go and then he makes his Twilight it's not even a ripoff it's a reimagining it's just Twilight again well to be fair it was based on a novel oh yes Lehren brings in our next point on the front Twilight was based on a book that's right Larry Stephenie Meyer deafening liars are both terrible terrible books but it was a very successful book so you turn into a movie I've never read and so if you're properly going to clone the success of Twilight then well you got to have a book first so we're convinced that they just wrote a book after the screenplay was written just to say it was based on a book and we have that book you happen to have the book the last vampire on earth by Mandy L Abraham who may or may not be a real person how many pages is this level are there no page numbers Oh 9999 but it but look at look at the size of the font though like it's like a large print well I love the illustrations was it a picture of the actors though in the back yeah so did we get a picture of the actors yeah yes from the movie don't be a fake illustrations that are just screenshots from the movie there's a picture of Rome for some reason what the [ __ ] the main character in the movie the what's-her-face Kristen Stewart a quick Lois her name is Chloe and she's sick she has an illness and we'll get into that but in the book it's just some random picture he found of some woman in the hospital and then they put a filter in it to make it look like an illustration you're saying that she found these but this is the book that the movie was based on oh yeah yeah we know you guys are acting like he had something to do with this book yeah well at the look it's not like he said we made a book about vampires so he can sell this is like a Twilight based on a book vampire movie yeah so is that the that's Mandy l Abraham although the author of it just like a stock photo of somebody else I think the book Versace entertainment but but the T is caught off everything is wrong girl that's right amen you take Sergio to the next level and not now Michelle is a Victrola cub Holly massaging your creation and to all the haters love you [Music] I think he asked his friend man DL Abraham slap together a book left together a book and done quickly write a script based on that book yes because we know they did actually shoot with a script I'm just using the script of the movie because they had it yes as Chloe does it seen any movie nice and their boy rehearsing for Dracula right there in college so that's different than Twilight their intelligence of the high school and then their literature class they're doing a semester long preparation for doing a play version of Dracula yeah so that's our first meet cute with our not Robert Pattinson and not Kristen Stewart where they get together to rehearse their lines he's ironically been cast as Dracula and uh [Music] why are you using this music I think what my mumblecore literally muffled are they get together to rehearse they just do that one bit they don't do any lines and then I say let's go to the coffee shop then they go together and they sit down they don't eat me things okay let's go meet together at the parents house well I should get going I know and again she invites him to church but yet is church and that's when the first time we saw this movie we were like oh this is going to be a religious film this is the religious version of Twilight Christian group wants to capitalize and Twilight faint while they'll come in for the Twilight they'll stay for Jesus what wiII be the most desirable of the romantic heroes let's take you over for food the dinner scene those was when the real meet-cute happened it was less doesn't a little kid with eating the chicken it was super cute remember he like he was like playing with it he was like dissecting it yeah and he ate a piece like a like an animal I can't they cut back down and like no they show all the chicken falling out of the small Aurelius you barely touched your food don't worry about it all you all eat it is your leftovers I'm sure you will have a tail kid what can he looks like a garbage pail kid told you directly way Jay he looks like a Cabbage Patch Cafe does in our religion we believe that blood is sacred and we're not allowed to eat blood of any kind or receive blood transfusions I say so if you want a badass man lost a lot of blood it being a real participant man that's a shame so talk about that and this is this is the first of two dinners yes there's two dinner scenes and Vitaly Versace he ordered up KFC for for the dinner scene because it comes with sides so you're gonna have to actually prepare a meal yeah there was like the macaroni salad that was clearly visible so normal people would have has a nice dinner after church he ordered up for a chicken from KFC and then I went a week later he gets invited again for dinner and man again yeah but the funny thing is like when he came to the the door the first time and the mother meets him at the front door and she says oh you know just come right in dinner is almost ready it's like we [ __ ] ordered from KFC of course well and we already saw her put fried chicken on the plate for the little fat kids you know like yeah it's ready that was his pre dinner dinner oh he has Fried Chicken is an appetizer for more Fried Chicken but then it's sort of our lead vampire he can't eat I guess he can only like drink blood my name is vitaly versace a film director hey around us blood mobile yep my name is Wayne it is easy to see Wayne after he vomits if you just see him sitting there I don't I don't think they'd bother to establish any of this okay walks up to the car and it happens to be a guy who works for the blood clinic no no blood yeah so I think you over blood clinic van it has a boss on it and everything you know it doesn't just look like like mom's bad yeah I definitely shitty old man really dude he just drives around collecting people's age of blood well used to feeling donate your blood I don't look weird let me get around this thing eight nine dollars an hour yeah you're about but the thing is like as a vampire kid goes up to him and is like hey I know you make [ __ ] money working for the blood clinic so I'm going to throw you five bucks to sell me blood you know that's rich kid you're not going to donate get out of my face I'm very serious when that would be just the first installment we're going to we're going to take a look at the freeze-frame and I'm assuming it's a 20 and a whole bunch of singles I'm coming my name is Katella Versace film director [Music] I'll take a while but so you kind of hold em up just wanted up and now is ready and uh uh santa came himself no doubt oh why are you bothering with the cup punch okay spill everywhere what is he drinking for real oh nice blank [Music] well okay so this is the Unrated version so yeah that's just--that's this is him making this box yeah and that brings me to my next point is that eventually at some point this film was picked up for distribution tally got we want to isn't it but it's amazing isn't it no it's not I mean any sleazy company will put out a terrible film to trick you by altering the artwork to look like to look Twilight yeah with actors that look nothing like the main actors and look at this guy bring burning on the stake the highly esteemed echo bridge entertainment oh yeah nothing but quality for mic over it yes they release the film and a very integrated yeah they Co degraded it there's pictures on the back which look very D saturated and highly contrasting and they look nothing like this version so we're gonna we're going to put on both versions here as we discuss further well um let's get to the elephant in the room and that AIDS tell me yeah AIDS I didn't want you to sing close to you our main character Chloe has a yeah got it rescuing an African woman which well it's very awkward at the first he's like how did you get AIDS yeah a few years ago I was on a mission trip in Africa I was helping a group of people at the clinic and there was an attack so are all well people in Africa of AIDS they're being racist right off the back yes and then she's when I read up too bad this is a slow revelation that she has a yeah I give the end of the movie it revealed like it's set up earlier she goes to a doctor and he's testing her blog means like well you know your cocktails doctor cocktail variation to what are the drugs in your latest cocktail but but Chloe goes to the doctor and doctors like well you know you have super aid more war we were running to the age where's resistant to anything we currently have but of course you know there's still no cure he's speaking very clinically very medically he's like the widow cocktails I'm giving you ain't working ladies is dumb we got to try a different cocktail maybe all we can do at this point is keep trying different cocktails to keep this thing at bay but basically tells her she is super age and that and that she's got not too much time to live listen listen lady if you know a vampire now you might want to drop out of college you're wasting your parents a lot of money yeah she's worried about studying for your you know tests and exams I'm like that's the least of your worries like Jesus well if fate would have it and it turns out to be completely pointless our lead vampire not Robert Pattinson is going to school to become a blood doctor are you saying instead of like biting her and turning her to a vampire he should have like cured her aids would like doctor is a movie this is like a montage they would like test two hey I am cured a but why establish that in the movie that is all we're being yeah we're talking Mike anyway guys it's the only the only purpose that it has is that it comes up I think it brings out the discussion of blood right in the family KFC generation so aralia what is your major a hematologist what exactly is that dear J situated on the work and comforted tears for blood diseases like AIDS and diabetes what the [ __ ] is a 3,000 year old vampire doing going to Community College a Bethany like my hematologist yes surely he said he said several thousand years enjoy a lot immerse your college and they can take Kemet ology I don't know Kristen you gotta get through through basic literature courses first I guess and then like at the same time he's like you know doing Bram Stoker's Dracula like literature class that doesn't make any sense those are the Jenna that he has to get through he's been a life for 2020 he's going to [ __ ] viii the Dracula course right is the [ __ ] easy a for a vampire every time you say but it's like our female lead got a cheesy hmm but then she also gets AIDS cancer something oh yes yes night what does it he doesn't say AIDS or cancer where this possibility is compulsory sekolah which is a cancers like this often accompanies AIDS the doctor was very bad that's what I want to hear from a doctor yeah she's got Philadelphia bruises oh yeah oh yeah that's right like that moment of being horrified or like oh wait I didn't know what you meant at first I tell Adelphia bruises I pictured rocky and like running out the thing you've got bruises Canaries I'm watching her like Oh Philadelphia the Tom hang me a second oh thank you honey you didn't need to do that problem matters I use your restroom I guess like the second KFC dinner like yeah ii can see dinner is when the yeah her young brother finds out that she's a vampire I'm so sorry it I'm Jonah no I mean I don't think higher eat one mom but I didn't say anymore all things of me to say she has to puke up every time he eats KFC like Molly be like what oh yeah so yeah they're talking to the bathroom that's kind of where she discovers like what's going on with him and then right they just cut to the little garbage pail kid looking and it's a great framing he's looking in the the the door and then the doors got a mirror on the back and it just shows a toilet it's very symbolic he's just looking in like it's saying that that kids a toilet was over for dinner after dinner and here's an employee talking well I would probably say that he's a vampire Chad well first I have the entirely reasonable explanation well there they're going to be in a vampire play so of course just talking about the play I heard them talking about how eating food makes him fit what there's there's just amazing that's the final piece to the fight entire Iranian vampire I'm not awake AFC could be me then when the kid says he threw up he's like oh oh my god regular is very like oh my god we've got a vampire okay I see well I'm gay then the preacher father like runs to his car and gets on a cell phone calls his is linton papi yes hotline i can already notice at all maybe you have a vampire situation this comes up so often you knows exactly who to call and they know how to respond um so a pastor father and a bunch of rednecks including the wife and garbage pail boys garbage pail kid is there to want to see someone burn alive this creature has violated that gift in the most profane way here we've got this kid who we think might be a vampire because I guess we believe in that we believe that the sell-side year-old told us that you're a vampire because he vomited on KFC therefore and we're going to jump to that conclusion we're doing by claims and yeah they have tied to a stake they're going to burn them alive this is a scene that made me realize that this movie might not be a religious film so while that's happening Chloe walks into her kitchen opens up the pantry and there's just a tiny little gun sitting on a paper towel well did you get a loaded gun just lie in there I mean she's got like a younger brother and everything it's just lying there I like loaded ready to go picturing that little kid like trying to reach for cereal one morning and this year I'm often accidentally shooting himself in the gut not accidentally oh thank god she's myself really good but he's only just trying to make more room for KFC all he do stavros - this is a good man and if you took the time to get to know him you would find that out she doesn't even have her finger on the trigger who wants to help find cures for diseases he wants to help find a cure for diseases like AIDS maybe that doesn't mean much to you but it means a lot to people like me who have it I'm not afraid of condiment SATs are things I do not understand I was kind of missing this because I was laughing so hard but her dialogue and I think she she says like don't you know don't burn him don't burn him cuz I hate clothes big scene yeah she she admits everyone that she has HIV or AIDS that's right I have AIDS advancing very quickly she says I think her argument is I'll kill any one of you I don't care of got nothing to lose because I've got AIDS how did she do that without putting her finger on the trigger yes versus 15 she might not know how a gun work right I need it is vitally Versace is vitally Versace and she's able to fire it and she murders a man I'm not afraid of punishment that are things I do not understand I mean it it's amazing I mean the Phil said but that speech you know I moved me yeah and it motivated the film I think this girl has a real future in acting AIDS has turned me into a murderer I've got nothing to lose don't like my vampire KFC ogre over boys I'm on fire because I have AIDS and if you do I will kill you the tale is all this time we establish that Oh Shrek Shrek fire a vampire extract can move oh yeah eat of white vampire but somehow he's captured by Fried Chicken lady and our bathroom came on you all so then they go immediately from she rescues him she murders somebody and rescues her her vampire boyfriend and they go immediately to their school to perform the play of Dracula because that's what you do right after killing a man huh it's like oh my god the place tonight like we're going to be late I just shot someone to death this lynching is really set us back that's when we discovered that her feet are apparently 5:17 yes everybody's everybody's barefoot in the play for summary some reason giant feet is a little-known symptom of AIDS it's the weirdest interpretation of Neil Simon's barefoot in the park [Laughter] [Music] it doesn't even cut right to the credits it cuts to the credits mid like sound yeah yeah there's some kind of hard edit and words they [ __ ] even that how is that possible it's funny like you know the the professor at the beginning of this movie starts like rambling and rambling now for the part of Lucy let's go with there's the proximities Club Jesus how about what letter got bored with that see we get it caught like the editor just gets bored just fades of the bishop is like fades out and goes to the next scene alright well I awkward I figure I picture the ED like the movie moving along it like real-time and editor would just like the gear it goes down in this huge there's like a whack Amole hammer for like edit dissolve they can only afford an editor for 90 minutes he had to do it really explains a lot it's a play on the footage go well that's why that's why the movie just stops this is like 90 minutes right yet it is but they have scene where everything makes sense right here and how do I start my shift at jcpenney like I want to spend the rest of eternity with you I don't want you to go through the rest of the existence alone I want to see a sequel where a now immortal Chloe gets put on trial for murder and gets a life sentence oh god yeah and I see the mortals perpetually in prison forever Vinick on TV she has a t-shirt I may be in prison but at least I don't have a I'm not playing around yeah what a film that's the last vampire on earth it's a masterpiece it's a treasure it's the perfect balance of terrible performances terrible actors delivering awful dialog horribly terribly terribly the magic of it though is that it's not it is badly edited but it's not nonsensical but it that's that's the magical part about it though is that it actually makes sense you can it's always changing there's one embarrassing scene after the other and it just is that's what makes a good bad movie it does have that the room quality where where it's like it kind of resembles the real movie like just enough but the performances are so bad and the dialogue is so terrible that you kind of feel like you're watching something made by aliens and then occasionally somebody's eating KFC for a fancy family dinner exactly well that's like something you see in the room it reminded me a lot of the room as far as the entertainment value even have the the football seeing where they're sitting around like not like after our KFC dinner we're going to go out and toss the pigskin and then they were like robots where they're just like throw and they're like four feet away for one another like yeah very awkward is this a foreigner stick Americans just do the football the football in the backyard or in the case of the room the alley and you throw footballs the room dough has a unique quality of the fact that it was shot on film yes yeah and it looks like like a real movie but it's so bad this looks like a terrible shot on home video this has that weird quality where trying to make it he's trying to give it like that faux DSLR love yes where he's like trying to make it look like there's more depth of field than it has and yes the vignette I am out of envelope filter in the vignette around yeah like he's tried like this will make it look more cinematic nobody does that OSHA's pretending to drink water so Jay you're taking a look at the novelization and you found the famous Oscar scene that's right I have AIDS and it's advancing very quickly stop stop or I'll shoot she pointed the gun at one of the people about to light the wood on fire I'm serious I'm not afraid of the consequences this is a good man and if he took the time to get to know him you would find that out he doesn't want to hurt us he doesn't feed off of humans he wants to help us he wants to help cure diseases he wants to help find a cure for diseases like aims maybe that doesn't mean much to all of you but it means a lot to people like me you have it ok we're going to release a book on tape ok where you read the lamp ah all right so good I'll come with unauthorized Landsman the audios or audio bugs yeah we each leads to a chapter on I won't be so good so yeah whatever version of the last vampire an earth by Vitaly Versace getting your hands on do so yeah even if it's just the book version you can read it with your friends yes and enjoy this gem of a film that we masterpiece that masterpiece it was appropriate yeah we don't know yet we've yet to finish the Vitaly Versace library yeah whether or not it's the best of the house here this could be the beginning of something beautiful well the very least I know it's better than born into mafia out of the two movies we've seen this is the best movie he's ever made right of course guess it's better than born into mafia somebody called me from Moscow one of my uncles and says it's my dad got shot too lazy on work but maybe it's only right so we had to fight and get here because this thing was worth this and it's clear

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 3,073,678

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, best of the worst, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans

Id: y43vWEPkceM

Length: 38min 51sec (2331 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 21 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/jordan71421]

“Our lead character.... has AIDS”

One of my favorite episodes. I really like the spotlight episodes

[u/DarkWizardPluto]

Too all my haters. I love you.

[u/hellsfoxes]

“Did you know Jesus?”

“I heard him speak a couple of times.”

[u/Cross55]

Vitaliy actually did authorize it.

He has his own YT channel and granted his permission in the comments.

[u/RaikkonensHobby74]

Each of them reads a chapter, but only Rich says AAAAAAAIDS!

[u/bobbyflay68]

i'm just a girl, going on about her life, trying to make the world a better place

[u/Krunk_MIlkshake]

Garbage pail kid.

[u/MisturJoester]

It'll be awhile, I think I'll joe for a watch while I wait.

[u/AbsintheJoe]

"Don't light my vampire KFC ogre boyfriend on fire because I have AIDs and if you do I will shoot you all."