Best of the Worst: Lycan Colony

how do we how do we start these off oh I don't know this is my first one with the big glass of beer that's how we started our God it smells like an outhouse like a port-a-john Oh rock concert yeah I know port-a-john fell and it kind of tastes like you just took the glass right in that little bottle of grande at least is wet how much how much alcohol is in that seven eight nine this is a nine percent at least there's that but one does need a nine percent beer to talk about lichen colony segue that was that was the the longest drawn-out segue Wow history of this show congratulations Mike you did it you did it you can't rush Mike you gotta do it's gonna do what he's gonna do of course bankrupt a craft brewery at the same time I make up a nice segue and Godspeed be with you on your way so we're here to talk about lichen colony this film appeared in our mail one day as many of the films we watch do we what we all watch this full disclosure we watched it before just for the shits of it we started watching it with the director commentary just thinking like Oh what we'll just hear what the director has to say and we became so enthralled with the director talking about the movie that we started just re watching the entire movie again with commentary directly after watching it we needed clarification the directors state of mind much like Dave wasowicz director of suburban sasquatch of which we watched the commentary for that we needed to find out if this person was insane you need to know how and why we learned some house I still don't understand why wolves laugh and talk at the same laughing sound effects when they're talking thank you much that's not the important part of this scene playing and laughing in the graveyard this is where normal people playing loud well since we all saw it before Josh this was your first viewing of like in college yeah I was not at that the screening with you guys so I went in first impressions it was what huh us here's what I can say with 100% conviction I've never seen anything like this movie I've never seen anything like it I think you can make you can understand what oh yes you're a [ __ ] wolf you're [ __ ] the world oh yes [Applause] utmost ERDs [Music] barest for a movie real quick the important thing to note is this is the ultimate film when you think of a movie where someone pictured how it would turn out as opposed to reality you don't I mean because every scene you watch like you're you know the guys thinking of it in his brain and it's all much cooler and it's all yes specifically the part where they're in the bar they go into the other part of the bar and there's like supposed to be ten werewolves like going like this and there have been like this witty banter back and forth like I never thought this would happen these spices snakes inside the elephant's feet I guess it wasn't real and then the man falls through the floor [Music] thank you head out Josh what just happened doesn't work there's and the guy was thinking of this like amazing like action set piece where there's just wolves everywhere and they're surrounded and there's this like dramatic lighting and the cameras moving around and they're but there's one problem they only have one costume they only had one costume and and they don't have a hole for the man to fall through and it was executed as poorly as possible I seriously I thought he'd found a warp and he just totally tunneled through the his body just phased through the floor we asked how and why we you know we we learned a lot about how's the commentary track but that's that's one of our theories on the why though the reason that this doesn't look like a scary were wolf mask is because this is a movie made by a furry and that was the mask he wears to the convention that he told me again this is a theory a great deal of credence by the end of the film because that's just a mask and it's always just a mask with like some kind of yeah shitty crepe hair like on the arms then at the end there's the costumes the full-bodied cops - oh that's definitely somebody's for yeah yeah that's someone who's going to convention oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that's that's like something Bob Uecker to run into in a lobby in a hotel he doesn't want to be in mm Bob Uecker in the furries never mind but we get to yeah we get to that costume that is a full costume it's like it's got abs it's got like abs are the deserving part I think he is a closeted furry he doesn't I don't even think he knows it he just sees himself he like there's behind-the-scenes featurettes of him building this costume and talking about it he put a lot of work into something that looks like a sexualized Wolfman yeah our theory other theory about this movie was that his family discovered his first suit and that he had to explain it away like really quickly Anarkali all oh no no no something you think honey I'm I'm making a movie movie you're gonna be in it how about how about where was then this is this costume that you found dirty and in the basement is for the movie know what's what's the story about well you see uh there was a doctor yeah the doctor moves to town werewolves you seems like you have a lot of practice with weird I mean you seem pretty good at it that's the surface reaction you would get we did a little research into the the creator of this film I think this was his only film just both fortunate and unfortunate both relieved and sad but he apparently writes werewolf novels so it is possible he is just a fan of werewolf lore and and he attempted to make a film and obviously did not have filmmaking skills but he's got plenty of ideas he's got ideas and he likes the lore because there's there's a whole what with the lichen colony I guess this will quickly lead into the premise there's a little town in New Hampshire yeah canis borough population of 3761 yes and it is all werewolves and they're all people that live in the town and they live in the town because the natural water that comes down from the mountain contains trace elements of silver so if they drink the tap water it helps them suppress their werewolfism and then our hero rusts which is the girl yeah her name is Ross because in the original script it was supposed to be a man and the men show up oh the shoe Oh a girl showed up and she was just supposed to be a bar extra and they didn't have anyone to play Russ so she played Russ I just want to go back and tears Evan his bar a new one shouldn't that solve your problem and they left the name because they didn't feel like changing the script it sounds like you're joking wasn't that actually in the commentary track joking yes true yes and then she's there with her brother they're looking for their father who disappeared while hunting and we get to the important part of all of this which is they run into who really is the main character of the movie which is New England dad well we really didn't move here because I had a revelation of being a small-town doc and stir the drudgery of the big city or in politics of suburbia your father had a just has a drinking problem one day at a time and all that well you think he's the main character movie starts off with him yeah he's the best part of the whole thing he doesn't give a [ __ ] buddy talks like he's from New England he's got blast in China some years ago I was an army doctor I've seen that Tet before an elite Special Forces men the private rites of passage a tribal ritual almost a few of them yeah and that's the really the narrative article that we think is gonna happen is like there's a ton of family drama with him and he's a drunk and he killed a lady while doing brain surgery on her own ass to deal with being a werewolf now because the Sun meets the woman who shows up in his room at night even though it's clearly not really a night it's day for night well I think if you want to exemplify this whole the director had a vision but had no way of even understanding how to execute it there's one clip that you can show that perfectly exemplifies that which is the mom looking through the keyhole but no lock which is a classic horror movie trope is you know back in old Victorian times I had the keyhole that you can see through so you show someone looking through the keyhole they didn't have a keyhole to look through but they was in the script right to look through a keyhole and so instead of doing something different the mom looks through the doorknob so the doctor has to go to AAA as part of his because he was because he has to go to a because he was a brain surgeon that was drunk while doing rain surgery and he slipped with a scalpel away covered that the hospital covered it up and relocated him to some podunk town in order to cover it up why would he still have to go to AAA that was part of his having the new job they covered up the murder but not the alcoholism yeah okay Oh which de'vide are our our main werewolf good guy says that he is childhood friends with dr. New England but if he grew if divied grew up in canis borough how could they be childhood friends yes as the wife says they had a house in the hills implying Beverly Hills quelle somewhere else yeah the house in the hills and you wear the top [ __ ] topped top and you're the top notch doctor we are a beautiful home in the hills when you the hospital's new hotshot doctor top-notch doctor some surgeon but then the sponsor and dr. fudd say hey let's go to the bar to get some coffee and some steaks which I hear tastes pretty good how is it awesome oh [ __ ] he yells awesome so loud it clips the audio and it drops it out how is it awesome it's not it's just it's it's a masterpiece but Russ and her brother come in there they they SJ said during the screening they decide to have food after they come in we'll take another crack at it the first slate let's get some food some food and booze take a breather it's decide to get food after they got to the restaurant I guess they just stopped they're parked got out of the car walked into a restaurant sat down got menus and then said I guess we should have some dinner dr. Dan notices that the big guy whatever his name is has a tattoo on his neck from the military and dr. Dan also yeah it's they couldn't take the time to to draw a little tattoo with milk and it floats until they freeze the frame of the guy and then the tattoo can stay in the same place it was it was seamless we got absolutely can we borrow your ketchup yeah take it [ __ ] no no well that was that was in the movie and it's nowhere near it and it's beautiful yeah you know oh there was an effect it's hard like I work in special effects all the time so like I guess I noticed it like oh he didn't really have a tattoo on his neck most people wouldn't even see it I didn't notice you know what I am like I'm a nitpicker okay that's why I guess it's a little nitpick just a little bit because it to me I could I didn't even know was the tattoo if you pay closer to go frame-by-frame doesn't stick perfectly to the neck yeah if you're gonna nitpick the film you can nitpick the film I be no one's gonna go frame-by-frame and complain about a tattoo definitely in the capsules and I was into the car makes you feel yeah so dr. dan and daveed join russ and her brother whose name i know if i can remember at their table and they're talking about the kid's dad who dr. dan knows we got to set up the gold watch exactly so they're talking and they're like boys easy and he's this character and he's got that gold watch in the in the service and remember what it said on it and the kids saying you isn't blabbity blabbity blip blip blip whatever the [ __ ] say I remember when he was awarded that gold watch at his retirement for many years of loyal service I still remember their inscription fewer those and guess what happens this is literally one second later because the thing is you're thinking like this is yeah I can't wait oh good thing they mentioned [Music] and it's you know freeze-frame again on this poorly framed watch that has a terribly put effect of the you know wise grip I'll I appreciate the freeze-frame instead of trying to motion track the letters at least I can read it you can barely tell good no it's it's barely a movie Oh bear the pun center of my brain was operated on by dr. dad if only this were a bear movie yeah you'd be fine to be golden all my funds would be unbearable Mike let me pause you for a second you talking about the wolf movie that's that I thought that was a better one they said what was appropriate to think of it well Mike was then blathering when liking : e cuz it's shitty dad with that one you got him - Wow I always got a secret weapon I say wow give that put a K nine out of ten [ __ ] sake that's when basically you're supposed to find out with everybody else that everybody in town is a werewolf and the werewolves are there and that is expressed in one simple word and that is [Applause] mistake the weirdest [ __ ] delivery just like this is supposed to be such the key word the keys is like oh this is this is the hinge of Act one like this is when we find out the mood like I'm afraid you signed a contract filming this for another three months yeah so we discover I guess Peter Mayhew guy guy is our lead villain dahveed is like we're just normal people we grow crops we eat cows we you know we don't but Zeb Zeb murders people keeps them in the freezer and serves them up a steak how is it awesome I think like a special just overall mention needs to be made for the day tonight day for night yeah if you don't have any idea what that means it means when you shoot during the day and you try to make it look like night in post-production somehow whether it's tinting the screen blue or making the exposure so low that you can't tell what's happening and if you watch red letter media like filmmaking tips and advice that's the one lesson you come away from with this episode don't shoot day for night ever ever ever it won't look good and you can't do it 20 lazing why not just write it so that this happens during the daytime worst case scenario get a get a light plug it in and shoot it in the woods turn on your smoke machine it'll look like garbage or as we've known from all of our films but it's better than doing day for night but the interiors here I know that's that's the vets they went that far it went so far it's it's it gets it gets impossible to tell the movie has temporal issues because you never really know what time it is because nothing lines up anyway and the scenes are I mean like seriously in the first bar it's night and then they're in the basement and then they go up into the second bar and it's full day and then he goes down into the basement again and he comes out of the basement and it's dusky I put it past this movie to do night for day [Music] Russ gets thrown through the window which is another wonderful effect there when Russ gets thrown through the window jumps through the window just trying to escape the werewolf more surprises actually night oh I wouldn't win Russ goes through the Wiener awesome action sequence she is overrun by the the enormous of ones of werewolf's and so her only option is to heroically bursts through the giant plate-glass window where it is night outside oh it's nice it's actual night it's so weird isn't it it's moving what confuses you all night it's confusing yeah oh but he would watch like in colony and he would say is this day or night it said that's not my fetish you dress up like a werewolf and get so everybody that matters in this movie apart from the bad guys get back to dr. Dan's house and where they all find out this is when all the exposition happens in a off-camera cuecard way which we can actually see off with some hilarious mispronunciations yes [ __ ] damn Amish can do it why can't us I've done undercover for months trying to imitate this back I'm sorry can't your question yes related to silver for this purest form in small amounts it can have municipal purposes this is where we learn all about the werewolf lore this is where the director and the writer Rob Roy was just really stroking it having a great time there they come from an ancient are you telling me he wasn't well we find out when Devine is doing all his spiel is like how they Lissa's how they live and like there were definitely normal werewolves and we call you norms because we really love Cheers no I had no idea what happens as far we go cross raised cattle sheep same as you norms sorry it's just a slang term we use anything it means what I suppose you know the other important part of this scene is that the son who we've been hanging out with occasionally has now turned into a werewolf an adorable werewolf who says mom through his mask they call him a pup because he's he's a puppet awkward it's really awkward it's a little creepy and then we get a net that there's the dream sequence for no reason at all just right to a doctor Dan nods off during the exposition dump and there is see him not off though it's just all of a sudden there's a cut yeah I'm shocked you yeah now let's see what gear you have packed away in the car of yours I hope you are all hungry I'm famished [Music] those supposed to be his ribs yeah yeah uh-huh yup definitely yep yeah I think it's is it the kid who's on table and they're eating or no it's dr. game oh it's dr. Dan um then they're like devouring this flesh and they're like and then and then there's like a 15 minute long sequence where Ross is like going like licking your fingers I'm going out and it's incredibly awkward is Rob Roy into cannibal point it's my alias it's clearly not a real I let you watch this movie because I'm also into embarrassment makes fun of my movie when so much about this show about everything to be fair though I actually I actually felt embarrassment for the people who made this movie I really did that seldom happens I'm usually fine laughing at other people but this time I actually felt genuine embarrassment for the filmmakers but what the [ __ ] it does a few things right but not very what are they faces oh you know what it did right the notice in right what is that that one shot even though lasted too long of the creepy shadow creeping down the stairs while sleeping that was like the one really nice shot it's so good it's on the back J compared it to a David Lynch film and [Music] looks like a shot that would be in like Inland Empire if there was that happened and that happened it really happened although you did make a also make an eraser head comment I did so like in colony is as good as David Lynch films I think I think that is the conclusion we draw daveed and rust go off to meet the witch they're walking in and then the witch is playing with some alpacas and then she shoots rust with her fart gun and then they get back up and like hey don't shoot me with your fart gun I'm your friend and then they go up and the which is super flirty with the vide and stick tongue in his ear which is how they learn things it was like a clever little character thing where they're like this way yeah again rich do you know what a meme is I know I think I think the time in the air is like the the Vulcan mind-meld it yeah I just I I got all the plot you don't have to to tell it to me which thank you movie that was that was actually like some even though it was weird it was clever showing not telling yes we understood what was happening without them having to go into surprise movie got right she learns everything that's going on so far and then she has another giant exposition dump which she does through her eyes directly at the camera hi can we help you why are you still rolling two men and then hello audience she explains where where wolves came from yes yeah that's mated cave paintings yeah I got it turned into a 1990 episode of liquid TV for a while they had gone days without food one of them had been badly injured from a bear there'd cornered but got away well we're set up for a confrontation Russ and dahveed go into the woods to hunt down Peter Mayhew and daveed has jumping powers like like Mario or Luigi and he goes and does a homoerotic pooping trance where he's naked and crapping in front of in front of like and for hovering eyes and and all didn't read the experimental film yeah he's like I don't know what he's doing he said he's building himself up so that he could jump in front of a bullet late yes well he had to show off his thing he gotta yeah he's working for that like good for him they're talking about him taking a dump on camera she [Applause] was trying to remain under control because remember this is the fall equinox he goes that you know we'll go to the Harvest Moon they're stronger but they'll be dumber okay I missed that is that why they chained the Sun to the bed and yeah I'm tranquilizer so he was meditating to keep his cognitive ability [Laughter] so after all that [ __ ] we cut back to Russ and she is getting attacked by the one or two werewolves that are wandering around at that point yes and shooting them yes sometimes [Music] things are going to have what the [ __ ] is and then there's the one where she rips out his heart and was making it pump with their hand and yells hairy [ __ ] at him hairy [ __ ] insane here's the curious thing though at the end of this movie there are scenes where they're actually outdoors right yes mm-hmm why are they blue screen shin mm-hmm they they obviously had these actors and access to the outdoors at some point there are many answers to this question rich do you have one of them oh wow okay one of them is they filmed for a day and then the actors refused to show up any more days the other day the other answer is it back out to the woods it rained the next day and he couldn't think well I'll shoot it next week when it dries out it rained the next day I guess I gotta shoot it on a blue screen right he only had one week off of work yes to fit everything in right so that so pick the dumbest answer and that's most likely what happened right all right given all the other ADR in the movie why during the blue screen shots are they clearly shooting on set audio and on top of that why aren't they a Dr Ng the guy the big muscle guy who has the mask on why couldn't he go out with a camera later like maybe he had to film the actress on a blue screen he couldn't get Ross back but why couldn't he go on his own later and get other shots of the woods to put in the background rather than the one and why was the one shot of the woods slightly motion blurred has it taken as a screen grab from go out with a nice camera a still camera and take some high-resolution pictures of the woods I'm only going out to the woods once the big muscly guy you mentioned by the way is her brother who died earlier but now has come back as a werewolf right I guess his throat slit by Peter Mayhew mm-hmm and then dr. Dan performs surgery on it by putting his his dinner napkin on his neck Vic it's okay would and then after he passes away he covers the corpse with his greasy dinner napkin soaked in blood dr. dan is making well this guy is obviously a goner but I'm a doctor I gotta look like I'm trying to do something and put it am kidding I mean a lot of the end fight will just be showing clips of how awkward and terrible all of the action is and that's kind of where we are the green-screen is said there's one section of green-screen where there was a hole in the green-screen and so part of the forest is flapping open just a horrible all horrible none as inexplicable as the cartoon free bad guy it doesn't look like a werewolf it looks like a mascot at a amateur league baseball game just the worst but it's our main villain oh yeah and then you shock them yeah then you shock the wool just shake just shake a bunch and that costume ah she's floating above the ground she's away yeah yeah we're talking about a man right he had access to a blue screen he could have positioned his actors however you wanted yet he chose to film a conversation between two characters backs to the camera and instead of cutting between the two of them he would just fade out between different lines of the script because presumably they couldn't remember the lines and every time they had a line they would look at the script put it down and say it it's weird because the film is clearly edited yeah okay but at the same time it's not editable it's a symbol it's hard to wrap your brain around what happened Rob Roy did not have the necessary hardware to edit this film he had to rent out the computer but what he can only read the computer for 90 minutes so he had to edit the movie in real time like the little thing is going and real time and he's like and there's like a fade-out he has like a live mixer like a fade-out a cut there that lines good okay ADR stamp it in yeah there's actually quite an accomplishment and yeah just eventually the the which is there and she fart fights yes there's Brown gasps she does and then the wolf like Peter Mayhew with the wolf attacks her and she Khartoum enrolls halfway up the screen [Music] how do that how do you put that in your movie and say this is acceptable like she starts off like boo screams yeah the bottom of screen is here she starts here and rolls up oh well that's hmm what kind of movie what kind of movie are you making are you making a porno there's no way this movie wasn't a weird sex thing that's where it crosses the line into oh he's masturbating yeah that's the scene that really locked it in he wasn't he was nominated in one of the new Oscar category called furiously masturbating for 90 minutes while live editing the motion picture they were with drew it drew that category category he was the only entrant now Brett Ratner took it everywhere oh god you killed Mike if that's not coming over the mics or relation you dove in that on even the crickets bore the old boy for those who can't hear there is an actual create an actual cricket during all of our jokes tonight here's I think an appropriate question to end this on does this dethrone curse of the wolf as the most awesome werewolf movie we watched Oh oh boy they're really two different animals if you go on Amazon it's listed as unavailable and there are two reviews and both are horrific Lee negative just just you know not leejohn so every Rob Roy would have left himself one good review he couldn't even bring himself to do it he did leave himself a review but it was a bad one I was just thinking I was thinking he got to the computer but he got distracted I eat you so much those are the Google Barton types in wolf and then autofills honey something weird happened when I went to go Google a wool sweater if you can get a copy of like in colony it's worth it it's worth it like in colony is fascinating on almost every level if we were to sum up life in colony in one word it would be toward the farce sit one more I was gonna say like awesome awesome I love our mistake or mistake I like the words that were famous yeah yeah yeah I guess could have been a reference to yeah he was he was trying to set you up for that I don't like to use a clip from the bad movies yeah I thought how about how about how about that scene in the in the woods when the world will started jumping then the girl was trying to climb after him I was like they did the joke in Reverse cuz you want to set up the goal climbing and then the will jumps good and then it's fun funny it is it more or less awkward if I leave too I think it's more awkward if I leave too hello hello I can't see I can't see where I'm going Oh [Music]

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 2,739,841

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans

Id: 5nQYdtaH41k

Length: 42min 43sec (2563 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 27 2018