Best of the Worst: Spookies, Action USA, and Alien Private Eye

well rich we're back and I was thinking we could maybe do something just a little bit different today oh that's perfect Jeff because I've been spending a lot of time on Facebook lately and I'd like to have an in-depth personal discussion with you today about why your children shouldn't get vex we're gonna do a battle of the genres what were you saying about anti-vaccination oh you see shouldn't give your kid rich it's been a while since we've done a battle of the genres in the early days of the show I think we did them because we would do like themed episode yeah where we watched all dinosaur movies or like all ninja movies and that was far too redundant we decided that we wanted some more varieties so we started battle of genres and now every episode is kind of a battle of the genres what we're gonna do one now with the official rules which are it's different somehow I think we I think I think the idea is instead of voting best of the worst we vote which is the best representation of its genre okay we've got an action horror and sci-fi [Music] oh the Spooky's we got a classic 80s cover here a lot of different monsters the Spooky's imagine you and your friends are paired up with your favorite dates and the night is very young okay there's an old dilapidated mansion just down the road event near the deserted graveyard it would be the perfect place to party let loose lose your souls what you and your friends don't know is that inside the house lives an ancient sorcerer a master of the dark arts he has sacrificed many to give eternal life to his beloved comatose bride just a few more humans are needed the masterful wizard is about to begin another evening of magic conjuring up the dizzying array of monstrous creatures hellish lizards skeletal Reapers demons zombies ghosts lust crazed muckman lost crazed madman why isn't that the title of the roofie luring hags and spider-woman well alluring hags are luery I think that meant alluring but it just says luring okay so it says you just have a little hag in the corner going come here I got some mutton nothing you have ever witnessed before will it prepared you for the incredible special effects that make Spooky's the ultimate unforgettable experience in pure unrelenting terror that was a whole lot of text just to say it's some kids go into a house and see monsters [Laughter] [Music] yeah he's a pirate gypsy cat werewolves a sound effect [Music] oh oh he's the hardy one that heart heart our next film with an amazing cover in a very direct title is action USA now in the Battle of the genres is that our action film no no this is our science fiction films okay okay because the car is flying so I assume it's set in the future and this guy is also flying Billy Ray's a bad risk he took the mobs family jewels now they want this now the one is rich they when his family jewels they tried beating and scaring it out of him but he's not giving them up so they kill him now everyone believes Carmen must know where the jewels are who's Carmen they didn't introduce Carmen Carmen gets halfway through the movie Jay the mafia boss has brought in his top gun in all caps no registered trademark after Top Gun though to find her and the jewels the slimeball and his trained killers follow our heroes through car crashes and gun battles across the state of Texas leaving a trail of fireballs and hunks of twisted metal who are heroes there's only a girl who's on the run is Carmen the girl I thought so Carmen is in possession of the family jewels this was an action hero who took the jewels but he apparently dies early in the film but she taking the corpse with her I don't know action USA I can't wait I want some luck we got a we got explosions yeah the guy falling out a window we got fast cars oh that's gotta be the family jewel and an animated family jewel looks like it's from a fantasy film I'll be so happy if like they didn't even have like a fake jewel to use so they have an animated you'll and it's like Who Framed Roger Rabbit but he's just the jewel yeah the whole movie he like picks it up and they awkwardly trying to animate it in his hand Richard leaving and I just discovered very important information Cameron Mitchell is in the spell I repeat Cameron Mitchell is in action USA yes no big deal let me tell you you lousy diamonds I'll tell you what he's making her air yeah I like you you're my security hair see he needed his emotional support hair Rosie gets really cranky yes jumpy please so what what are you jumpy looks like them Duke boys are in a bunch of trouble again oh he doesn't have the magic jumping abilities all their bad guys are dead now those oh my god of course [Music] [Applause] so our final film I presume our science fiction film is alien Private Eye I [Music] don't even say anything else the cover is so embarrassing everything it's got non-stop action and an out-of-focus alien Private Eye on the cover yeah that looks like he was in that looks like he was in the background of a larger photo and then they just like zoomed in on him so that's why he's not a focus maybe he's not that maybe he's just like an extra but they thought he looked interesting enough to be on the box baby's not actually about an alien Private Eye Nicky he'll star of radon all-time classic action extravaganza game of survival is that the full title of the film it's who are these people and what is this IV radon is the person who made game of survival but I am not familiar with either of these things isn't right on a video game character radon is something you have to be careful isn't in your home's basement or your guys triumphantly returned Nikki Hill you know from the memorable game of survival so some random actress that was in some random movie triumphantly returns as LEM role a stylish Private Eye with a nose for action our story takes place in Los Angeles because it's convenient because that's where all the movies are filmed where two halves of a magical black disc have been hidden rumors of its power have spread throughout the underworld every two-bit thief petty criminal dreams of finding both halves and claiming the disks power for themselves Oh black disc nonstop action gang wars car chases and sexy love scenes are just some of the fun leading up to the final don't drag them out confrontation where LEM rose through powers I revealed but enough said we read a babe find out yourself is that what it says it says eaten upset it says well it smells enough wrong it doesn't do enough like Stanley if throws an e in front of it but it's still not spelled like enough but it does say runt the tease and find out for yourself I've said read the tape and find out for yourself so they didn't even have enough confidence in this film that anyone would ever want to buy it legs gonna nip on some shelf just 1 million space bucks this feels like like like the producers oh yeah like they just don't care I actually forgot we were doing battle of the genres yeah I was just thinking about it like a regular episode basically it's a regular episode except for like the two seconds at the end which is usually about a five minute discussion that we trimmed down to two seconds because it's never interesting and never so basically it's a waste of time to call this battle of the genres but we're gonna do it anyway if we can't have pointless rules that we don't understand ourselves well and that we don't follow completely ignore most let's always forget about that's fine you know what it's fine so I am sitting near the middle and you are a rookie so I'm gonna stick tape I'm gonna take charge and I already mispronounced some you're gonna take charge I'm gonna stick charge yeah prime rib eye rich if you do the intros who's going to explain alien Private Eye I I guess that's up to you but I don't know that I have the power you like you like spoopy movies booby earthen Scoobies spoopy is the movie starring Scoobies [Music] this is Spooky's this is a movie I've heard about for years and I never seen famously as famous and as anything related to Spooky's is the movie was shots and then the producer saw it and they said this sucks we need more spoopy things and so they went back to do reshoots but they didn't have the original actors so they just shot unrelated [ __ ] that they tried to kind of shoehorn into the movie and it feels like a movie that they shot unrelated [ __ ] and shoved into its full cavils mustache where you can yes clearly tell this is the Justice League of B schlock horror films yeah the movie starts with a little kid we don't know who he is or why he's there but he goes to the woods and meets a child molester yeah that's under a tree first to eat or celebrate something well that's the best place to go to attract child monsters well it's it's the most like if you want to go by the molesting tree bring some snowballs to share know what's going on though we're randomly cut cutting away to two groups of people and do different cars that are following each other and it's very confusing what a jerk just so down do you know we doesn't know these roads like you do I do know these roads don't you and we're done with that [ __ ] is going on yeah well those two cars they were at a party together but one is like young like like hip kids I'm an [ __ ] man good drink do what I want and then the other car is like like old man we thought it was like the designated driver or something but like the chaperone the father a chaperone but no it's one of those kids boyfriend's [Music] someone was dating Uncle Tony well that's yeah so we cut to two cars driving to somewhere okay back to Billy back to cars back to Billy who shows up at an abandoned house and in front of totally real graveyard yes yes so he goes into this run-down abandoned house and there is a creepy birthday party waiting for him there hey surprise party so you didn't forget after all this must be your house why are you here what are you doing he just went into a random house the party's for you yeah what's happening why is he there yes this blocks it and he starts talking to it's like oh you did this for me yeah okay come on oh I walked into this abandoned house and I'm not surprised at all that there's a birthday party specifically for me here yeah and then we see our second spooky who's dressed up like a Jawa yes the makeup was so bad we thought it was like the school bully who was about to play a prank on Bobby we thought it was a little kid in a Halloween costume or something that's exactly in the context of the movie yes in reality it's a little kid in the Halloween costume yeah but I mean it really doesn't matter because that particular spooky does not show up for another hour yeah happy birthday Billy he gets spooked out by by dr. spooky law we got to talk about dr. Acula every newsie who's every Abraham sometimes sometimes who's the ringleader of this whole affair what is clearly reshoots that had nothing to do with the original movie and all of the pawns have been sacrificed valina Queen back again just just to be clear the original movie before reshoots is very obvious which is a bunch of kids go to a house abandoned house to party find in a Ouija board and conjure up spirits and then go from room to room being boring and occasionally a spooky jumps out it's the original movie involved luring Evil Dead but you can tell what it is and and what the original plot was supposed to be before the reshoots kind of like try to recontextualize everything and add nothing to the story yeah like they pull out the Ouija board and then we cut to dr. Acula and it's like he's controlling the Ouija board now [Music] and he's controlling the Ouija board so he can kill people to collect souls to bring his dead wife back to life even though she is already back to life he was just sleeping well and and he needs to kill them to collect their souls but also he just enjoys [ __ ] with them yeah I'm so glad they added these reshoots to make the movie just a little more clear oh did he go and pick them up oh I can save two cards oh [ __ ] it wait Billy's back oh good because that's what happens to Billy in this film is he gets clawed slightly and falls into an open grave and then I guess he's just too tired to climb out yeah well it is very wolf dude was fast really yeah Billy every once it all kinda goes he's allergic to dirt so Billy's out of the movie and our group of teens and Uncle Tony come to the house somebody they want a party cuz they got kicked out of the party for fighting for Rocco what was his name yes Rocco trash bag man I'm surprised nobody got into a fight with the the guy with the puppet like if anyone's gonna get beat up at a party it's a guy with a puppet Oh dunks mad now MOOC that was another thing about this movie it's like introduced many characters where you I hope to like people unless they're just like Oh obviously you're the villain we shouldn't like you but it's just like okay I'm behind this Billy kid because he's got a snack lunch well no but it's like but then you're just like okay [ __ ] die and now the joke is read MOOC it's like okay enough of you killed this man control [ __ ] you if you guys have been on an airplane and then there was a grandma boyfriend of course or a boyfriend yeah spoiler alert who's the hero of the movie somehow well the hero of the original and until eight till they re edited the film to make them all just die spoilers so Spooky's very bad obviously very bad movie shockingly interesting creatures yeah like they're not great special effects but they're enough where you're like oh they tried but fun it's cool ya know sometimes and except for when they got back to that [ __ ] wolf man [ __ ] that guy why can you can somebody explain to me why we cut away to the wolf man so much it's like they have to have a shot of him in between every other shot of the film why he goes up to windows and looks in at the scene that's happening that has nothing to do with him and these keep looking in the window like their shafts like you know in the original movie that these doors just like closed on their own and that was supposed to be spooky but they chose the edit this so that Wolfman is the one closing all of the doors maybe that's his job maybe the editor also played the Wolfman and you just wanted to get as much fish the one that we all fell in love with immediately and when they got injured we're like ah that's spooky we felt it's like don't worry just stab that the sperm lizards than we did for any of that all what your sperm looks like but we're cool looking at little gnarly teeth weird little eyes and we said they but it's clearly just one because he never said boy you haven't wanted a shot in time but it supposed to be like a room full of them attacking her I want to say one of the okay so the first creature we see is like the soliton the first spooky very first one we see is when their friend Carol gets possessed that's the first one we see and then she wants to kill everybody because in the original movie she is the head villain the demon that possesses the girl yes but now I guess she's just a pawn because it's dr. Acula in charge whatever speeding through yeah but then we get the horny mud monsters horny is something but I was told of the back of the box that they're horny yes the next thing we see is the horny mud monsters that aren't horny but they do fart it's just like wait a minute was that a holy [ __ ] it was the gusty dust it is this like an editing they just said [ __ ] it and those things were violent one definitely was I mean the one just was just like this table is done just like smacking down support posts and [ __ ] down what you said they were violent I thought you were just talking about the potency of their farts [Music] [Music] Bardeen or I'm gonna go out on a limb here I'm going to suggest that maybe just some really terrible sound editing thought that was a good squishy sound effect for muck monsters like a bucket of muck like a [ __ ] fart gonna party like those little things that you it's the thing that got the movie banned from theaters kids would just come out just annoyed the rest of the mall took my children to cease poopies and little Timmy just kept farting on a sister afterwards I couldn't get his little sister Halloween in 1987 every kid just wanted to go as a fart monster kids across America farting on their parents I love that this is the most movies is what they would have called like the Saturday morning cartoon adaptation yes yes the real spoopy okay so what is our next spooky Asian lady turns into a [ __ ] spider yes okay that's getting bigger it's [ __ ] weird yes yeah that's horrifying Oh God that's awesome I don't know what happened I kind of assumed the whole movie would be the little little slug monsters like though when I think of Spooky's I think of Ghoulies you think of those type of movies so you just have a bunch of little creatures running around but this is just like whatever like well we make this movie it's terrible let's fix it let's add some more things to it oh my god it's still terrible yeah they're writing out the success of mangy [Laughter] so our next spooky is the grim reaper he shows up a statue that comes to life our werecats closes the door clearly the werecats always [ __ ] closing those doors he's the anti Cameron Mitchell no he's the ultimate he's like Cameron Mitchell's like ultimate like henchman buzzes [ __ ] joke he always closes up the [ __ ] door and that Wolfman yes Cameron I'll close the [ __ ] door Mitchell should have been dr. Acula that would have been great that would have elevated this probably to the best movie I've ever seen and so they're trapped in this room and and they can't open the door and so our our hero Uncle Tony decides to do the only logical thing [Applause] diving headfirst that was great I've seen windows Jagga [ __ ] worked yes cuz dude Rocko tried many chairs Morocco has never opened a door in his life he has no idea how to do it I just throw chairs at him they open up I don't know but they still have to deal with the Grim Reaper that's chasing oh yes I'm sorry combustible if you throw death off a roof he did it so effortlessly take that death it was a grim reaper made out of cairo season this is that [ __ ] winner the Grim Reaper it's a little bit of trivia the Grim Reaper prop was originally supposed to appear in action USA we load everything with Grim Reaper's so the truck for this explosion scene it's filled with Grim Reaper's [Laughter] truck is it just giving you a gaucho in action USA that explosion that was too big I had it too many Reapers [Laughter] well this is this is eighty minutes into the movie where we are now introduced to our protagonists his his reborn wife [Music] knifes in my head my only weakness rod puppet arms who has to fight madam yeah remember though the old puppet Alyssa we see those we see the hand of the puppeteer many many to the point where you wondering if it's intentional it's uh you know what it's a ghost puppeteer okay controlling the witch puppies the spirit of Jim Henson's and then she has to run away and then she runs from zombies knocking fifteen minutes a little like ugly baby who's like Baba all right okay I'm super into it so so then she dies all of our other heroes died Billy's dead everybody dies [Laughter] exist [Laughter] [Music] so our next movie is action us a Tim would you like to tell everybody about this fine film I'll tell you about the film action USA is all about diamond smuggling you think diamond smuggling would need more of a cat burglar type touch to it look new you go balls-out action car chases bang bang bang through glass titties it in here yeah cool buses cool buses you know what's not in there cleverness when you have blunt stupidity [Music] and where's the where's the people moving the china plate made of glass yes little corner fruits they all got a ladder well it starts with lovers just lovers and the guys being all coy and stuff and he's like oh yeah it's gonna be nice over overcompensation of incumbency oh oh yeah you know what I forgot about the entire opening in this movie it's beautiful Corvette [Music] for his penis smallest micro penis I would think you're in a driveway ladies wanna see my movie oh my god how could you see oh my god his dick is so small the movie equivalent of the guy who has the nice car yes this is the filmmakers compensating yeah he's feeling up a lady while drinking and driving in a sports car in Texas he needs to be eating a steak he's gonna pull a steak out from her thighs yeah goat walks out of course dude is packing he really got a good also he has a gun he's had a gun this whole time it's so small and that goes to the first door being blown in that there are just like it's just like it's not even on hinges it just kind of gets knocked over our two first favorite hit men jacked up Freddie Mercury to finish Mercury dig the shit's elusive he gets put small penis gets put in the trunk of a car and taken to like a bridge mm-hmm she gets in her car to chase after knowing exactly where he goes cuz that starts the theme of there being only one road in Texas everybody knows where everybody else is at every moment at every moment they get into a helicopter so they can intimidate micropenis into telling them where the diamonds are well I was surprised you see that helicopter-like going through like a town square I guess I got a low to the ground like it's yeah baby easy I'll criticize this movie about a lot of things but that was impressive ya know all the all the stunts and explosions and all the [ __ ] in this movie like which is the reason the movie exists like oh that stuff's great it's it is it always great I'm gonna well most of its good okay okay it's great except for winner it isn't for a movie called action USA it lives up to it like there's enough action I think I don't think there is I think it's just there's a few well-timed explosions and some kind of mediocre action I said it I said personal aim shootouts I mean there's some lame chases but they all end in spectacular explosions I'm not expecting John wick the raid level constant excitement from a movie called action USA I want to see stupid [ __ ] and you see a lot of stupid [ __ ] yeah when they drop him out of a helicopter on accident we should have known by his car so he goes into the water lady knows where he landed he's like get out of the driver's seat [ __ ] heels out instead of being bright using the helicopter to like like pursue and be on top of this car now they'll land and take the time to land and get into their own car to follow no it's not their car they steal some oatmeal somebody's car wouldn't in use like this action sequence has been happening for the last 10 minutes yes and it's a wily coyote [ __ ] mess and it's great because they're everywhere there's explosions there's cars this crashes Oh God how did that happen he turned a corner in the door that's a guy a wig this is oh this is the one where there's a school bus possibly stopped at a railroad crossing yes yeah call back you got to be careful at those railroad crossings and they see a tow truck and the dude wants to take it as a ramp this this actually is a good piece of foreshadowing because later in the movie girl who ends up surviving is clearly concussed it's clear yeah it's clearly not the writing of somebody that doesn't understand how to write a female character with any sort of motivation at all or any sort of logical human being yeah the bad guys kill the dude but before they kill the micropenis he gives some vague clues for something we don't really know about yes and here's where I thought this movie could have been really interesting and subversive you set up like a disposable female in the beginning of an activity and a character and then gets tossed aside yes and now she is our protagonist I was like oh what a fun twist she'll be the action star for the rest of the movie but as it turns out no she's just the dumb woman who does whatever the dudes tell her off she's a human MacGuffin yeah I was gonna say the eggs it was the exact same way she has no control over what's happening she is kidnapped and unkicked napped force there's no concern over what's happening she has no concern for her own safety yeah they see you were almost killed he didn't want her to open the window but they're eating in a public restaurant none whatsoever it's like better trying to kill her she was thing out of the country bar wanna go dancing she's just leaving him again like I wasn't gonna plot about her wanting to get away from them and not wanting the protection sure that could be fun yeah that would give her actually a carrot yeah but you deserve to get killed see well the best example of that is they have her hiding out in a hotel room oh by the way she's being monitored by two cops one of them is played by the [ __ ] guy from hack O'Lantern the devil son he's back [Music] but they have her in a hotel room and she takes a shower just so we get some more gratuitous TNA and then she comes out in a towel and even though they know they're supposed to be laying low she's like I'm gonna open up the window and they're like don't open up the window why would you want to open the window when you're in your tunnel I don't know then immediately in the next scene she's like why are you guys so grumpy let's have some fun yeah well then they're like I know we're supposed to be laying low but let's go to a Old Country Buffet what are they doing there he's he walking he's on a treadmill the broad back here alive he's in he's in rage modes great he's angry when his line deliveries angry you know he's very good admit him walking a trumpet Cameron Mitchell oh my god well okay let's let's not talk about Cameron Mitchell let's just show in its entirety all of Cameron Mitchell scenes okay we're back it's 30 seconds later what do we watch recently we watched kill squad yeah this this is very similar to kill squad where Cameron Mitchell is filmed at his house being leisurely being the big bad guy he's the main bad guy we cut back to him every once in a while forever he'll freeze Frankie this was Frankie and so I guess I was expecting something very similar cut back to him at his house he's with girls he's having a party and then at the end there's the big confrontation between Frankie where you know he sits down most of the time because it's Cameron Mitchell yeah but he gets his via of course because he's the big bad guy they keep mentioning him as being the big bad guy he's in two scenes that are both less than a minute long it's it's a it's upsetting to say the least tragedy it's tragedy it's a tragedy like it's worse than like lazy camera Richa like won't get out of the wicker chair Cameron Mitchell cuz at least then you get a decent amount of Cameron well and then the fact that he won't get out of the chair cuz he's too drunk is hilarious in itself yes here it's like he's so angry you need to you need to harness that in your film oh he's gonna know this is Cameron blue balls yeah you get a little you get a little tease and then he's out the door he's off shooting for 15 more films maybe that's what it was they only had him for like an hour and he's like I got I got five other movies to shoot this afternoon he's not off to film 15 other films other people are into his house get out next crews coming in give me my booze money 20 bucks leave the girl [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] beautiful ha these poor people just had their house houses that are very easy to drive that's the saddest thing I've ever seen in a book for the worst movie because this is just like some poor family it's clearly like just like oh it's a nice day outside let's have a beer yeah you can tell they're [ __ ] heroes just drive their car through their house you read through our bedroom the grim reaper was using their bathroom Reaper showed up 20 minutes eh that a car drives through [Music] [Applause] even a character look I want to talk about the truck that explodes it's like the impact was so fast and strong they'd been time and space missing the light reflecting differently cuz the explosion was so mad so the explosion exploded that even happened who cares it's great but again some fun action here that hanging out of the back of a car they either jump from one car to the other the flip dues and zip it easy so then are there to find the Diamonds and as it turns out the big cops were the bad guys oh my god the end what a shocker it's like they hit that that wide you know aerial shot with the the car and the wacky banter and we're like wait this is like a credit shot is the belief is the movie over a movie can't be over we haven't wrapped up Cameron Mitchell yet oh it's over I know there's more a story but this looks like the ending shot of a movie so let's just stop and that's how our discussion ends it's just over here we are to our final movie of the night a Liam Private Eye rich why don't you tell us that's a nice deflection Jack I could try I could try you can explain alien Private Eye Lamoreaux this is a all you have to do say his name and I'm laughing LEM ro is a super hip and cool private eye of the 80s it's like the 80s threw up all over him dressed to the nines and then he has to find the two halves of the black disc and his detective work is you know it involves asking people who tell me what it looks when where where why what kind of struggle where when like what other people tell them what happened and then he did his detective work yeah he's very good he's the only a private eye yo and then this other log he likes shooting people up with a drug so they're like they could they can hang around his warehouse while he worships Hitler well he doesn't shoot him up so they'll hang around at his warehouse they hanging around his warehouse so he'll shoot them up well it's a vicious circle because he's the one shooting them up still hanging around his work yeah but the but this drug there's there's you have to do a little bit of math there's very specific rules about how you take this drug this drug was designed my plan about 30th century technology it's what you guys on earth are headed for renegade scientists designed this to be the most addictive drug possible you you you suit up one to five times and you can quit and and recover do this drug five times your life but it's really hard because you're hooked that's the first one yeah do it a couple hundred times you die you go cold turkey you die after five times well after five pretty screwed is a 100% you do it a couple hundred times ten centuries after five times we haven't shut up five times yet you die between five and ninety nine times you gotten your addictive you're addicted if it gave me a double dose do it a couple hundred times it's a 100 percent and you need a complete blood transfusion to get off of the drug fortunately that never comes up but if you have the drug a hundred times then you die you do it a couple hundred times done one hundred percent total blood transfusion you die and if you've had it more than five times five times you can quit cold turkey you die you die five times a couple hundred to die one hundred percent you die after five times you die doing this drug almost as good as having sex you die so you can only quit cold turkey if you've only taken it five times six one two five one two five times one two five I think yeah the sixth time you're on that [ __ ] road where your shits just like might as well enjoy it no you still have another half coming to you yeah so technically you could spread that five times into like ten tiny doses you know I have a good time first of all doing this drug that's almost as good as having why would you want to do it the drug seems extraordinarily painful [ __ ] brain I need that so much I need that so so yeah oh yeah because our our main bad guy that gives all gets all these bums hooked on the drug is almost so much his name is Kilgore we talk about how literate this movie is because that's the name of the drug from a brave new world the book by law to use hugs me oh my god oh my god that's a deep literary cut Wow I did not know this movie was a lot smarter than I was it's the product that makes everybody happy in the future and and cut to REM low walking down the street looking like Carmen Sandiego so not only is REM low the coolest guy here on earth gets with all the ladies right away he's also kind of a celebrity back on his home world of stir stirs something like that on his beautiful and majestic home planets terms [Laughter] silver grass mountains 10 miles high five moons 10 cents at night the air is rich and sweet you want to drink it more than breathe don't you have pollution like we did we would pollution 500 years ago with the silver dress and the tents you can't walk outside or you'll [ __ ] die so he's a celebrity on stir and and the coolest cuz everyone goes to him for their detecting needs when the other aliens come to earth well at the beginning of the movie we don't know he's an alien yet you always think he's a cool guy in a cool pad the coolest Private Eye ever yeah [ __ ] save a woman in distress we use fully when absolutely necessary he's standing there with a gun and of course he's like let's go bones let's go to my apartment where the wind is talk louder close your windows there's a star chemistry get down to the basement [Music] [Laughter] like Tom Jones is he gonna hit Mike antenna under the hat with that revealed that he's an alien you know she's into it they like he just met this woman and they're [ __ ] her body language changes acting acting is amazing because she's just like yeah he does very very quickly for his species that was very long we're just 10 sons that feels like no wonder they say this drug is almost as good as sex if their sex is that lame like [Laughter] my mom only said look at the years look at the years now she woke up a lot earlier than him too and could have snuck out but she decided to get dressed and wait I gotta let him know I don't want to see him again again I can't just leave him no don't be I can't I can't leave this unclear earth this fun City having a good time I'm on vacation to aliens it's not earth it's party city vacation that's what he got a job as a private eye he started his own business that's what you do when you go on vacation right yep yes start my own business did you have to do all the paperwork that's entailed yeah like he had to rent an office space and like he's rolling in the criminal acts another alien bit he comes last round well this this is important she comes into his office his private eye office and this is probably the longest scene in the movie it looks like a student film watch out for the microphone it's gonna hit the fan Mike this year picking up the fan sounds it's directly above a fan turn down the music we get a special cameo by the boom mic watch ladies I mean whoever was the boom operator decided that the best place to put it was directly above the ceiling fan so so lady Falcon comes not a not a Vulcan lady not a Vulcan comes she says I'm looking for the disk or I have half the disk something with the disk and he's like I know I need you to find the disk he just saw half of it what does it look like it's the worst yes but then next dude comes in who is just crushing his accent yeah he's doing the world's worst people is that like Victor's friend just gave him a roll throw him a bone victor is the guy who made this movie as what else this is what magical combination where you have written created and directed it's all the same man the credits is fixed or starring written and directed and if it's all the same name you have gold nut starring wears a sari no victor is not alien private eye oh that's directed edited it was almost the Holy Trinity yeah but his name is just it's just credited as Victor yeah which is a pretentious at all Victor big Thor went on to create early edition a show that nobody remembers [Music] but that's the weirdest thing the he only has two credits he wrote directed and edited alien Private Eye and then he created a network television show that lasted several season it's called a really edition which by the way I've never heard of it until you guys thought it was in the nineteen it seems like a really fun premise but like by created by he like just told someone like yeah what if there's this show and a guy got a newspaper a day early assault crimes yeah I think at that point whoever he was telling it to left but he tried to continue and he's like and that guy was an alien but they were like we're not listening to you anymore weirdoes his name is LEM ro is it really addition did start as a televised diversion of a private eye so yeah the the alien we found out that that lady alien and Peter Lorre are our alien cops they're space cops space trademark they knew not to try to call them space cops space police yeah they meet up with LEM robe because he's the best to find this black disc which they say could be like an atomic bomb it could be the most dangerous weapon ever we don't even know what kind of destructive powers this thing could have that's why we need to find it yeah and so he's on the case well it's also isn't the disc like the half that the bad guy has that's what's used to make the drugs or something about that well I think you need both sides has later it makes the drug yeah it's not like a super weapon it just makes a drug yeah and apparently our bad guy is capable to make it with just the one half he has yes that's in the front teen when it takes the bow that's what the drug should do to you but instead it goes almost as good as sex it would have made more sense if when LEM ro was having sex if he started going so lady who was being raped by Kilgore gets kidnapped by Kilgore so he can rape her later yeah so she's now set up to be kind of like an addict slave of Kilgore which will come into play later in the movie for some reason but on the flip side of things LEM ro goes to infiltrate the bad guys in between having sex with the alien woman well he finds out where their lair is yes and so then he has to go back to his apartment so the lady found where their lair was so he can go right back to the lair to steal the desk well he had to change he was in full white he couldn't go into a dark place now after Labor Day the nican pumps is that is he going to his Michael Jackson outfit at that point I guess they're all kind of Michael Jackson yeah yeah Jackson outfit so he except for that pathetic one where he's just wearing like a tank top with a little fur that was my favorite [Music] what isn't he's playing dumb or he forgot we had an elongated scene we had a 15-minute separate people explain to him whatever it's okay everyone rose on the case they ran out of ideas have stupid [ __ ] so then they just that was like that was his new role as them rogue gets when he's up what he's like at home like his pajamas getting ready for bed [Laughter] good night row you did a great job who breaks into the bad guys lair yes we get my absolute favorite shot in the entire movie [Music] that's the exact appropriate reaction there's a picture of Hitler on the wall oh yeah that's it that's let's eat let you know that he's in the bad guys like want you to dance out of the chicks yeah yeah well especially in the room that he goes into or that that Hitler photo is it's like it looks like the set of the Merv Griffin Show or something that's like a talk show and then just Hitler just a little awkwardly it's not just says framing on the wall it's like up high it's in a weird position who he apparently worships as a deity we discovered pray to Him he'll help me find this disc even though he worships Hitler he admits that he's in hell I love it wonderful sound effects doing there you are the Foley artist you just wanted my neighbor Jake Foley people who walk this might think that you're you're doing that like you're making the bad Foley noises no this is in the movie like the Gipper kids you know the guys in UHF and they're like yeah that's the kipper kids okay so hit then at the end of the movie they go back to the the bad guys headquarters and sneak around oh oh no no no we forget about the the blonde girls whopper ooh Oh can you explain this to me and does it make any sense under any possible contact I can explain to you the logistics I cannot detail why it happened so what what happens [Music] so the bad guys capture the girl said give me the disk the girl goes whoopsie there you go then it just so happens a truck passes by and what was a very they're very they they know traffic patterns they're very meticulous very long trailers to a very long trailer so as the truck passes they put the girlfriend in the car and take out of the car rape drug girl from earlier they replace her with the other girl and shoot the rape girl so that the good guys think that they shot the girlfriend yes mmm for what purpose they want to make him think she's dead so he doesn't follow them to get the disc yeah if you can't have sex then it's not worth living why not just kill the girl like what do they care so but at what it is do badly everything about this is uncomfortable and embarrassing the movie or our discussion it's uncomfortable to watch and it's embarrassing that they wrote it that could be the tagline of every episode so but that actually lights a fire under LEM ro and he decides to bust out the ultimate alien weapon which we had never heard of before and didn't know existed flash leg gauntlets the lembreaux and the space cops burst under the bad guys firing flashlight beams and real guns shoot twice and then he gets to the main confrontation with Kilgore and he just throws him to the ground because I was like winning this fight you know fair man-to-man I've been waiting for it yes and so Kilgore takes off or he throws down his guns and and oh my god we forgot about the priest [Laughter] what happens oh that's true yeah well the priest isn't important what happens in the scene with the priest is important this is like I don't know halfway through the movie it just cuts to a priest yelling at the door this is the first time we've seen them launched or visited Kilgore this priest have a relationship before the scene my costume pornos [Music] [Applause] yeah he breaks it yeah okay I'll be right there [Applause] [Laughter] very important - we should get out of here first right there so the tooth makes a comeback is the important point yes [Music] swallowed it I guess I swallowed it I don't spit it out it spits in it's a bad place to have dangerous acid inside of your own mouth the canister punches him in the stomach and that makes the acid go down his throat yeah I think he punched him in the mouth right before he was gonna do the spit so instead of spitting and just literally I just punched him in the stomach who cares he did something that maybe I should go down his throat my favorite part of that scene is LEM ro is completely unaware that there's an acid tooth so he just thinks he hit him really hard pretty good huh and then the movies over yes yeah that's it right done the movies like we're done this [ __ ] bum-rush is done Victor Victor right Victor [Music] so now we are at the part of the night well we have to figure out which of these movies is the oh this genre Babel I was gonna say if it's best of the worst that seems like we have three rules where the best movie is the movie that is the most entertaining for any reason and instead because this episode is battle of the dominoes we had to select the movie which is the best representative for the genre it is from J movies is the battle of the genre before we battle the genres let's just take a moment and I'll agree that alien Private Eye is the best of the worst here's the thing it's the best of the worst but some terrible sights like yeah terrible so we have to pick best of the best representation of its genre I got to go with action USA because there's so many car stunts and explosions and people hanging out of helicopters and people falling through glass people fall out of buildings and it's not a fake dummy it's a real person okay Toki's is like a [ __ ] yeah yeah I would have to agree with Jay I mean action is in its title for [ __ ] sake Spooky's I mean it's Spooky's is it's somewhat scary but it's just like it's so scary so easy I mean it's a horror film it's like they're John it's lady lighting them exactly but it's like god it's just terrible and there's no sci-fi in that it's live flashlight yeah I want to the Spooky's is almost there where the creatures were really meet yeah I the electric ticket but if I might interject yeah I'm kind of with you on Spooky's Spooky's has a shitload of effort put into it yes but action USA is is so [ __ ] lazy it's so [ __ ] lazy they can't even get the explosion right the trip up before the car hits it but there is an explosion explosion there's nothing lazy about the stunts and the action in that movie there is an explosion there are 17 creative different monsters well someone created a 50/50 it's there's 17 creative monsters and a werewolf man I love I like the creatures I want us all I'm gonna give it to Spooky's okay so it's a tie and then the best movie of the night alien private I lost and we have to destroy it no I think what happened is since those two are a tie they cancel each other out and the winner is alien prize [Laughter] [Music] tell me what

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 2,708,126

Rating: 4.9159684 out of 5

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans, spookies, action, alien private eye

Id: 6hHyn29O81k

Length: 78min 49sec (4729 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 23 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/nekowolf]

“Oh, black disc.”

Looks like Jay was thinking about that juicy Shaq meat again.

[u/Driesens]

I keep wanting them to call Lemroe as Rem Lezar

[u/[deleted]]

Rich to> New Guy to> Jay on the panel looks like an Animorphs cover of Rich turning into Jay

[u/[deleted]]

I love the mythology that if you land a solid hit on the grim reaper, he explodes. It’s a supernatural being, so it’ll be back, but as a defense mechanism it blows up in an attempt to take as many people out with it as possible. It’s the Grim Reaper, its on character. I want to see a whole movie about exploding Grim Reaper.

[u/BushwickSpill]

So after the revelation that the Hack O Latern guy was in Action USA, my wife looked him up on IMBD. This mofo plays Mac’s jailbird dad on Sunny. Wow.

[u/RyJG]

“Punch him in his little dick”

“I’m trying Man... that shits elusive”

Think they struggled with Spookies (Apart from farting monsters and Grim Reaper exploding) but Action U.S.A made up for it.

[u/hedgehogsinhats]

78 minutes BotW can I leave work early boss pls

[u/atasty_beverage]

guy diving through the door in Spookies made me laugh so hard

[u/ComaToys]

How do I make 'Lust-Crazed Muck-Man' my flair?