Are You Being Served Anything You Can Do 7

I was longer are we going to be without food if we hadn't made such a fuss about having waitress service we could have queued up got it need it by now well you're on your feet all day the least you can expect is to sit down and rest at lunchtime now your food serves you like civilized people my stomach is bubbling like an atomic power station from where I'm sitting there's a lot of fallout we've only got half an hour left to have our dinner lunch what's the difference what do you have in evenings only the working class have have dinner and supper professional people like ourselves have lunch and dinner now look I'm not working class I live in a detached house I Captain peacock I live in a flat but that doesn't go to say that I don't need a very refined life and in my little nest we have supper who's Captain peacock where is it dinner Jackie you know lady peacock sales downstairs and her tiara fancy a sherry before we have the baked beans on toast he said no I think I'll wait and have mine with the cocoa don't be facetious mr. Lucas right I've had a word with that canteen manageress I put on my best smile as it is it any chance of my spaghetti arriving during the reign of the current monarch right here for I hope you didn't use bad language didn't use any language at all just gave me a right here fool oh it's intolerable it's only a half an hour before we have to go back you know that the whole country's falling apart when I was a boy you looked at an atlas there was red everywhere that was the British Empire well it's still red everywhere only now it means we owe money there I mean look at these plus kick when I first came here we had tablecloths and real epns I mean look at that that modern science for you these scientists are making terrible mistakes I read somewhere where they've developed a very large clover for animals to eat now they find out that they're so big the bees can't pollinate them because the noses aren't long enough to be going to do they're going to breed bees with longer noses with their noses you want to watch Richard Attenborough no he's the one that runs about in shorts telling you how the world began apparently it all started as thick soup with little orgasms crawling organism oh well little creepy things crawl in that case when I was in the kitchen just now it's all starting all over again you know it's amazing to think that out of all that soup came all the flowers and plants and animals and after millions of years a sort of man developed yeah and all of them at different types there's indeed some of them living detached houses some of them in 70 - well as a superior detached individual would you like to go and have a word about our grub well that might be necessary it's a far simpler way to get in touch with those whose evolution is not advanced enough to enable them to communicate on a on an intellectual level what's that captain peacock why we used to use in the army why we made oh come let us all come let us go you're the ringleader are you me the ring never on your life darling I was just expressing their a concerted opinion one of you wish to complain them we all do right what's it all about let's have it we have been sucked sitting here for half an hour and nothing's arrived except you right I'll tell you what I'm gonna do I'm gonna go out there in the kitchen and I'm gonna tell everyone to make yours our special older thank you last one more word you won't get anything at all that case we shall complain to higher authority I couldn't give a monkey's who you complain to as far as I'm concerned you can come down here and run it yourself if you don't mind my saying so they could make a bigger up of it it's all very well for you sitting there here like a wrinkled old prune I'm sooo short in there and I've got the poison finger council night out in the home take great exception are you calling a senior salesman like mr. Goldberg a wrinkled prune the whole manner is offensive your appearance is unhygenic your emotional outburst suggests that your mental balance is disturbed you should see a doctor y'all one they should see the doctor I have no reason to see a doctor in that case I'll give you what ya if I get my killer there I'd have thrown it in her face lunch he was so angry I forgot he was detached let me see that I've got this right mrs. Slocombe was set sitting the canteen manager s came in and mr. Goldberg complained because she'd served him poisoned prunes not quite right sir we all complain because we hadn't been served at all but where did the prunes come in they didn't you haven't been listening that woman was very odd dropping us with mr. Goldberg and Captain peacock she said he had a face like a wrinkled prune Captain peacock had a face like a wrinkled prune now mr. Goldberg had a face like a prune yes I suppose he has but uh no to that no no mr. Goldberg didn't like it at all in fact he was very upset then why did he order them orders what prunes he didn't order them in that case he can hardly complain if they didn't arrive excuse me I don't want to get involved in this but don't you get better if you crushed all that out and got on to the next bit well that's up to you I see you have a complaint about the spaghetti now did the spaghetti arrived badly cooked really couldn't tell you well I know was it burnt my ear I've heard of testing the baby's bath water with the elbow but that does seem a very strange way of testing spaghetti I wasn't testing it I was just complaining because it was so long long spaghetti we should have thought you could have cut it you know that really is a very trivial complaint I certainly can't take that up in your behalf traps we might get somewhere if Captain peacock told Mr Rumble about his toe that should cook up those you'll regret saying that what's all this about at oh wow well that happened just after I'd canceled my toad-in-the-hole this woman in Captain peacock had a heated exchange and she stamped on it and we was all witnesses I know that I have got very clear and you certainly have calls for complex county manager has had no right whatever to stamp on mr. Humphreys toad in the hook if that just leaves one thing further to care what is that mr. Roberge oh the cooked goose tell you enter uh excuse me mr. Runkle I don't normally interrupt a meeting like this but there is an emergency there's a deputation to see you from the canteen kitchens tell them to make an appointment yes mr. Rumble just can't see anybody nilly willy tell them to go away if I was you during a very very agitated mood and the itoi's chef livid somebody criticizes told in you all these wave these chocolate bars oh well show them in harmony tiny establish way brothers that's Mabel vegetables for fish young angry trainee dogsbody signore bar Olie master chef Amisha jarred WIC manager Hess thank you huh all right very good supper right this every lap I'll fit up with this lot I'm panning up to ear with them the chef must be drowning in it quiet Lucas that's different him Oh lip and let's have a look at your knockers snooty ones old mouth and trousers and that's for her she's just a comment oh oh dad you gon tell her you live in a detached house not as common as what you are my mother always said common is has come and does what's that supposed to mean I don't know but she always says it when my dad blows his nose on the tablecloth look I don't think we should argue about you among ourselves in front of these cooks and butter washes you're a pompous I will snob and as for her she looks as though she got a permanent smell and ro nose and the nearer you are the stronger it gets brother did you hear that tempers are frayed and feelings are running high I think we should all calm down ah shut up Jackie is how dare you speak to senior management like that I don't have to speak to you at all I should go to mr. Grace and get a personal written apology and ER mo hey Reese knows well how about that yeah that's a soul attitude we have to put up with all the time I'm glad it's all come out well there's my mother used to say better out than in my mother used to say that but I didn't like to mention well I I hope you got a verbatim report of everything she said no no but I shall make a note of it none she called you jug yes yes I remember that and she said Captain peacock was snoot Li in all mouth and trousers mr. Lucas let it be recorded was in her opinion all lip and let's have a look at your knockers is that spoke to the Kay I don't know I've never seen him written down she said I was they comin yes well we won't make too much of that and she said I walked about with a smell of that I knows I can't imagine where she got that idea from no what did you say about you mr. Humphreys nothing I came out of it completely unscathed which is unusual for you isn't it mr. Upton it is mr. Lew I mean you usually have a skate somewhere along the line don't you mr. Rockwell I'm amounted to them mr. Luthor speaking for myself and I am unanimous in this I think they ought to get rid of the lot of them and get some decent stuff in yeah we could run that canteen better than what they does do miss Brahms yeah well we could run the canteen better than what they does do don't sound right to it it certainly don't mr. Rumbold here hello Rambo and that nice manager s from the canteen has been to see me yeah apparently there been a lot of complaints about Jo not her he wants a written apology yes well I intend to take a very firm stand on this er she was very aggressive indeed and my department feel at the whole canteen staff is incompetent in fact they feel they could do a damn sight better job themselves yeah well in that case they can start tomorrow morning counting stars thrown in their overalls and walked out what shall I do sir well you'd better sort it out jug ears closed miss prongs if you hadn't took your mouth we'll all be on our way home by now well we said we could do it so it's up to us to acquaint ourselves with the kitchen and make a plan of battle before we serve lunch tomorrow Oh just look at this look everywhere if my mother saw this she'd have a fit Oh to think we've been eating the food what they've been cooking in here it's like the Mary Celeste ever even left something on the stove that's my toad in the hole well let's not be daunted by the prospect as the chief instructor on my Royal Army Service Corps catering course used to say cooking requires very little intelligence otherwise women wouldn't be able to do it well if that's the way it's going to be I'm going come on Miss roms present company excepted of course we've all heard about your culinary expertise and naturally I still expect you to be my chief assistant oh you've elected yourself boss then somebody has to get things organized mrs. Slocombe now then which of us can claim some cooking experience sir Lucas well I ball of nifty tuna baked beans see Lucas preparation serving and washing up miss Browns oh she's had a lot of experience in the kitchen and he very little of it to do with cooking there just be serious mr. Lucas well actually my mom does most bit well what happens when you're on your own Oh racket a bit of garlic sausage and I'll fry up with some onions in bubble and squeak no wonder you're on your own do when uzuki Misaki what's luck oh it's sort of eggy meaty thing on a stick where did you learn to do that well I had discrete boyfriends and he fancied a local dish I said she had a lot of experience in the kitchen you were a one-track mind you have a dirt track I once made some toffee well we have to throw away the tin it costs 37 bones it must have been a very expensive tin yeah my teeth were in it in the kitchen ever since I was tall enough to see over the edge of the table when she was making bread she used to give me a bit sad Oh to play with you know and I used to make bread men and put currants in for eyes and buttons one day I put a bit of candied peel where I shouldn't have done and I couldn't go in the kitchen for a fall no Sam please we don't often have bread men on the menu there anything else you can do well let me try and give you one of my typical menus um Easter's rockefeller quails in aspic deviled lobster with most - followed by Baked Alaska and Marron classic because if you've got visitors coming I do something special the canteen mr. Humphreys not a trade union dinner well I just do simple cooking to my own taste but you'll never see a dirty plate in my kitchen and if there are any leftovers my gobbles them up in a platter well I vote that mrs. Slocombe is the chef all right let us agree then that mrs. Slocombe its head cook but we'd all have to pull together to get the meal prepared and serve right before we muck in we better muck out come on let's get this washing up done I'll wash you wipe you can have that other rubber glove what do you mean well I've got to put my hands in water and it won't wash the red hands well what about me I've got to handle the wet late Captain peacock could we have a ruling on this please yeah yes well done mr. humphreys will dip with his right hand on which will be the right glove he will use the dish mop with his left hand which will not go in the water he will then pass the plate to mrs. Slocombe who will receive it with her left gloved hand she will wipe it with the tea cloth in her right hand and I think mr. Goldberg who will stack it where would we be without you counti Khan well no we're working yeah can you discuss possible menus who's got an idea to start well why don't we have grapefruit like we usually do yeah if we open the chins now and leave them lying around all night we can have flies on AB like we usually do since we've complained we'll to do something quite different yes how about soup Oh my mother makes marvelous soup she uses all the leftovers chips is the fridge into a big pot then push it in the oven on regular free the morning after she drains it and Simpson strains it and what not you see here the other day she found a decade in it still work the soup did I don't think soup is very inventive well why gotta take all the bits and pieces we would have put in the soup what again the minutes I'll call it pate why didn't you suggest that a bit earlier I mean all the bits and pieces have got it the pig bin not all of them that Lots just got on the floor do be careful miss plums are not insured for tripping over gristle lender shook laughs I'm not touching this with me bear and stop the production man I'll do it Michelle mr. Humphries Commission emission open only women a fragment of my what was it a frog doing perhaps some fairy Prince was rude to a gypsy violinist get away I'll get rid of it whoa that's a living thinking thing possibly of royal blood somebody put it in here and get rid of it no no no no no no need to use that I'm used to handling robs I was always rescuing them from the goldfish pond hey wait hey hello Hey hello baby frightened he must have said the wrong thing it's just jump through that hole in the skirting board yeah bogey still with this dish cloth then it can't get out again don't do that it'll start today well we can on bug it before we go on what I want to know is how did you get to appear in the first place it probably came up with the watercress as a tadpole well as we haven't had much success with the first Goss gun can we attempt to decide on the main dishes Kevin peacock you sure you're not over taxing yourself look in your pencil let us get on with your work mr. Lucas they used to make a very good steak pie maybe their recipes still here somewhere oh it's no good producing the same dishes that we've been complaining about we've got to come up with something quite different something French for instance well if you'd let me have my way with that broom we've got about frogs legs on wait it's all very well talking about what we're going to give them we don't even know what's in the larder yet well that point is just crossed my mind mrs. bedroom dear just after mrs. Slocombe said it right there's one hole pick one hole cheap one hole in the wall the flood look is through it now you can either have meringue glasses or crepe suzettes I'll have both you know that's the best career I've had since I was at Wolverhampton shish-kabob was just like you're getting a Greek restaurant can I have the recipe yeah well look it's just a question knowing how to do it coffee to follow miss almond if I - Slocombe it's the best fruit will better haddock grace brothers I agree well done the best career I've had since I was in hula Hunter thank you Table four keep the change Dori issues has been a Russian and Chechen beep up and down to me lucious four cities the Salukis Hanshin as fast as I can rescue us I'm not going to give me your tandoori until you've got your shoe shoes otherwise you tend or you'll get tempted right well Kyle ever my rung in a creep on the same plate oh I bet that's for them animals in disguise - grace is just taking is placing the executive dining room and you like the soup goodra there's been a rush on that - I have to see the manager captain pika are you free what's the matter mr. Humphries will you squeeze me another map Terkel I'm having a crisis with the shoe shoes it's for young mr. Griese one turtle soup coming up please drop everything else mrs. Slocombe and take the soup through to the executive dining room yes mr. Randall the window congratulations to you all everyone's mostly impressed what's he having after the soup I will both have the shish kebab ah that's if mr. Lucas found some more skewers otherwise you'll have to have it in a lump mr. Lucas have you found any more meat skewers I'm just converting your coat hanger don't worry it's very much an Hermes hanging on the sheep in the larder by the time the doctor came I was covered in bandages from head to toe with only one eye shall we oh dear whatever it did the doctor say he said I don't like the look at that art now here's your soup mr. grace real turtle oh well good I'm not something where to put it Bobby of course and I do need to be a hot I'll take it to the kitchen and warm it up no no I don't like it too hot it takes it out of me if I have to blow of it you can taste the turtle in it or something well I'll leave you to it then Oh mr. grace the bowl is very full don't drink all of it so you won't have room for us to come Shane is going to have after the either a stomach pump or an ambulance there's your crepe in your Marais there's your shish they've all shrivel you were too long you you I really enjoyed that Johnny better got a frog in the throat well I'm still glowing from the compliment they said it was the best match they've ever had well we said we could do better than the others and we did how much did we do ninety-eight pose ah and what by the outgoings ah Chinese takeaway 15 quid Indian takeaway 32 pounds 50 great takeaway 59 pounds 25 which makes a net loss of 8 pounds 45 P Thank You mr. Goldberg 85 if we keep that up every day we'll be broke in a week well we could raise the prices well that wouldn't do much to help my feet oh my gosh they read and well the regular staff won't come back unless I get a written apology well it turns of crisis the British have always stood firm by their ideals on the other hand we as a nation couldn't have got where we are today without knowing how to compromise oh great agree gather round everybody now then how does this sound we the undersigned oh very good company apologize to the canteen staff of grace brothers for complaining about the food service the hygiene and that caliber manager you

Channel: Kris

Views: 1,165,249

Rating: 4.7236037 out of 5

Keywords: Are, You, Being, Served, Anything, Can, Do

Id: HOnnDN7RbHc

Length: 27min 19sec (1639 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 12 2012