What Are Your Slightly Illegal Lifehacks? (r/AskReddit | Reddit Stories)

what are your nsfw or slightly illegal life hacks serious for the desperately broke homeless youth i used to do this when i was a skate rat all you needed was a hammer a quarter and an older vending machine hammer the quarter flatter and flatter till it's the size of a silver dollar one dollar coin whatever old vending machines obviously don't have the greatest technology in them and can only read the now flatted coin to size as a silver dollar then hit the coin return your quarter just became four quarters repeat as much as you like i turned 0.25 into 30 at one point now that i'm older and make good money i wouldn't do this but if anyone is ever desperately in need of money homeless it definitely helps edit bolded edit yes this is illegal did it i do not encourage you to do this obey the law source straight from the anarchist cookbook in eighth grade i lived in an apartment and i used to stick a wad of tissue paper up the vending machine change return and every evening i'd reach up there and pull my day's loot of change down i'd pocket about seven dollars per day people just assumed the machine ate their change does that girl seem out of your league picture her taking her it it puts her right back on your level when i was younger i started masturbating with my left hand now it's the only way i can do it browsing my phone for quality material with my right hand is truly amazing edit but if you get a parking ticket keep the envelope ticket after you pay it you can now park in that area for free just put the old ticket on your windshield for whatever whenever you park got about an entire year's worth at my university i haven't done this but a friend of mine did last year at lollapalooza he went around selling brownies to people for like 10 bucks each the trick is they were actually just brownies i have one that my dad did back in college more of a one-time life hack than anything his professor basically spent all his free time writing and trying to sell to hollywood a script for a movie he was barely there during office hours he was super disorganized when it came to the students things like that come finals and my dad slept through it he slept through the final and was absolutely panicking so he decided to play things a little underhanded when grades were posted and his was naturally not there he went to the professor and said sir about my test score i noticed that it wasn't posted technically true although he didn't state the reason why the score wasn't there the professor began looking through his notes and obviously didn't find the test but the professor was so disorganized that he was convinced that he had lost the test oh yeah um you got a b plus he said quickly jotting the grade down on the great sheet my dad got up walked out and never ducking looked back if you tie a string around your finger it'll turn purple if your cable bill has gone up a lot call the company and scream that you want to cancel and go to a competitor you'll be transferred to their retention department and they'll try and save you as a customer meaning adding promos if you escalate it enough you can get some nice deals source i used to work for time winner cable edit when i said scream i meant it in the figurative sense please don't yell at phone reps comma when i was a teenager i would go to kmart walmart etc put on a new pair of shoes and leave my old ones in the box and walk out after a while i would go back with the crappy pair of shoes find the same pair and swap out again i skateboarded as a kid and my mom was poor so i went through a pair of shoes every month if you think you're close to jizzing but want to carry on subtly bite your tongue and the feeling will go away easiest way to prolong orgasm always masturbate before any hard decision for the ladies use coconut oil a small amount when you shave your bits it'll be super soft like can't keep my hand out of my pants soft and it helps avoid any little cuts bonus smells really good too always take a rid before leg day at the gym not heavily illegal and i didn't think of this but if you can speak two languages and need to write a quick paper search up a paper covering that topic online in one language and then translate to your current language hard to be called out for plagiarism when the original paper is in a different language when you're going down on a girl try to keep as much of your tongue in your mouth as possible you'll have more range of motion also not every woman likes the same thing learn to read body language one thing that helps is by putting your hands on her lower stomach and feeling for her muscles to contract last but certainly not least ask her what she likes and doesn't like you don't want to go straight to the clit if she can't handle direct stimulation i have never bought any produce besides bananas by that i mean when i go to myer i only ever key in 4011 for the produce code two words chipotle napkins when smoking weed for the first time make sure you have a trusted friend with you always befriend drug dealers you'll thank me later when your hot friend is looking for some molly once got a lot of hate for posting this to our life protips but it's definitely worked for me hotel lobbies are a great place to kill time if you need to wait for someone or something in a city i live in nick and occasionally i've had to wait on a relative taking a bus into town or someone is late for something and then i just find a relatively swank hotel with a nice waiting area and a couch and sit there it'll usually be about 20 minutes before anyone says anything and if you need more time just say you're waiting for a friend who is staying at the hotel gamestop has a seven day full refund policy for used video games buy the game play it return it basically a free rental my grandfather used to stand in people's yards around state county fairs or the like with a sign that says parking five dollars are probably like five cents back then and have people pay him to park into random people's yards he'd make enough money to go into the fair and have a good day learn how to masturbate with both hands trust me it will help for the future on my job applications i change all the business numbers of my past employers to my friends family people i know who are willing to lie for me that way when any potential employer calls i get glowing references from everybody this also works great if you have gaps in your work history six months off make up a job put your friend's number down have them pretend to be a business owner saying you worked part-time driving a truck whatever never late great employee blah blah it's landed me several jobs i would have never never been able to get otherwise speeding when you do the math on what my time is worth and how much time i save and the rate at which i get tickets i'm literally saving thousands of dollars every year edit added a comment with calculations here bulk bins at grocery store bag most expensive item write down code for least expensive item works best for nuts buy the shelled pistachios and write down the code for the in-shell pistachios use the self-checkout works 100 of the time usually because the person working the checkout computer for all checkout lanes is just staring into space if you have to bury a body bury it then fill in the hole dig halfway down in the same place put a dead dog and fill the hole when sniffer dogs find it police will dig down and find the dog call it a false alarm and keep going edit damn i should bury my inbox along with the dog and body college food court salad was weighed to determine price steak under a pile of salad is an expensive salad but a cheap steak bring your own usb to usb cable to libraries plug in your laptop and just download the driver for the printer free printing got some type of traffic moving violation coming up and no attorney get a nice haircut dress sharp smile and show up at least a half hour early for your court appearance find out where the prosecutor's office is and go in and identify yourself and ask them what is the best they can offer in the form of a lesser charge be as sincere as you can be many times they will offer you some type of a lesser charge than the original violation this requires confidence so look in the mirror before you leave home and give yourself a pep talk good luck this works a lot of the time because most court systems are swamped with cases and if they can quickly resolve a case for a lesser charge it keeps things moving it's a win-win deal sex tip after you have had sex with a girl a couple times try this tease her a little and slide it and when it's real wet then give her nine half pumps on the tenth one full pump then eight half and two full so on and so on till you get to round four then go balls deep works like a charm edit to clarify this is usually a one-time deal super early in the relationship this one is outdated due to obsolete technology but here's what i used to do to get high quality movies for the price of a rental rent a vhs dub it onto a blank vhs cassette next open the casing on both cassettes using a screwdriver and simply swap the spools return the tape with the poorer quality dub to the video store and keep the high quality one for yourself thinking back on that that was ridiculous my dad goes thrift shopping a lot he always checks coat pockets for money he has found ray-ban sunglasses and up to fifty dollars i learned this from reddit somewhere didn't find it on my own put a p after edit.com reddit.com to enable photo browsing of any subreddit nsfw edit or thanks for the gold a general rule for all of the degenerates and delinquents out there if you look like you know what you are doing people likely won't ask questions of all the examples i have of this the best is when i worked for a small time tech company in town we ran a giant mesh network that extended across town to multiple apartment complexes a little while after i started we had to rebuild the entire network there were three of us driving around in a personal vehicle to different apartment complexes running wires cutting holes in the side of the building getting on the roof and taking down equipment putting up or altering existing equipment etc in all this time not a single person questioned our motives we seriously looked like we were setting up some major heist sometimes because we would be out till 8 to 9 pm at some places and those arcades that have a booth where you turn in the tickets to get crappy prizes like chinese finger locks after spending one hundred dollars in quarters and and they always have good prizes like mini fridges and handheld tvs etc that require like 10 000 more tickets than you have and and all those tickets that people turn in are thrown away in a trash can behind the counter when the trash can fills up they throw the trash bag full of tickets in the dumpster out back for single people when you got to a sit-down restaurant by yourself bring a notebook write in it every now and then and you will be treated like a food critic make a massive complaint after flying such as the food wasn't vegan my chair was too straight and that affected my neck etc you can get between 100 and 500 vouchers depending on the airline edit yes this is from jake andermere it does work though and i wanted to share it with you i have not done this if you work in an office binder clips make great chip clips your company probably orders them by the thousand and won't notice if a handful go missing plus they come in different sizes if you want to stay in a particular hotel in an area rather than using pressure line or one of the discount sites call the actual hotel directly then explain that you want to make a reservation and you're with the conference that's there that weekend so you need that group discount rate when he she asks what conference just start talking about how your assistant didn't give you that information and you're looking for it and just keep talking while you suggest that they just tell you which conferences are there they'll start listing them and you can pick one one time the only group rate was for a college reunion and when i said yeah that one the woman was surprised i wouldn't remember my own college name but still gave me the discount getting rooms for 75.90 instead of 200.300 can be a huge money saver in any major area invariably there will be something going on every weekend if the hotel isn't a terrible one i've been traveling for two decades with that trick and haven't yet had it not work underage and wanna buy beer go to walmart or similar store get a six pack of beer preferably a brown bottle go to the root beer aisle where you can buy six pack glass bottles and switch the bottles out buy some chips or something snacky and pick a busy line or self checkout i'm a cheapskate so when i travel i always book the least expensive hostel or airbnb i can find the first thing i do when i arrive is to find the nearest four or five star hotel and scope out the gym pool locker room etc to get a feel for the security situation if it somewhat lacks i'll make full use of all the facilities i love hot tubs pools and luxury accommodation especially when it's free i stayed in hong kong for a month and my accommodation was a piece of it hostel in jordan complete with bugs and prostitutes every morning i'd walk two blocks to the local business hotel swim hot tub shower get dressed in their locker room i would then fill up my shampoo bottle with the shampoo from their showers fill up the day's worth of water bottles from their water cooler cram a towel into my bag and get a free sack for my wet clothes from the desk by the pool it's so easy nine stroke ten times nobody will even ask your name the other ten percent of the time you'll have to tell the receptionist your name and room number which they do not check in the computer just be sure to stop at another floor first and take a glance at the room number format so you sound legit keep your head up act like you own the place and always have a story you can basically go anywhere i've deleted all of my reddit posts despite using an anonymous handle many users post information that tells quite a lot about them and can potentially be tracked back to them i don't want my post history used against me you can see how much your profile says about you on the website snoopsnew.com use the walmart smart shopper app you scan receipts and walmart will pay you the difference on items you can get cheaper somewhere else spend your days picking up receipts and you can make a lot of money i'm fairly certain there is a limit as to how many you can scan within a certain time frame make sure you are scanning big receipts if you want double the food you get from a drive-through you need a buddy for this one order what you want and when you get up to the window have your friend wait once the person is handing it out your friend runs by grabs it and keeps running just act bewildered and they will remake your order friend and i did this a few times in college always carry a lighter if you get into a fight it's easy to slip into your hand and it'll keep you from breaking your fingers when you hit the guy also clean blood with meat tenderizer and water bleach shows up and is an obvious indicator if the cops start swabbing it how to make the perfect mixed drink take your favorite ingredients put them in an empty coconut that's it you can put war i more booze in than usual the coconut kills a strong taste it's ducking magic my friend's mom has fake business cards that say she writes for a travel magazine but any hotel check and she casually hands one of these bogus cards to the front desk they without fail give her some type of room upgrade or free amenities every time my sister lives in chicago and she told me one year weeks before lollapalooza her and her friends buried bottles of booze around grant park they made a map showing where each bottle was so come showtime depending on where they were currently they could find the closest bottle and dig it up an ingenious money-saving drunk inducing treasure hunt i go to a university in a city our dining hall is incredibly strict about what people take of it if they see you with food that isn't an apple then you have to put it back and or throw it out they don't check backpacks however so naturally i've stolen more food and utensils than i can count i'll occasionally fill up non-descript water bottles with juice and iced tea and also take bowls forks spoons salt and pepper dispensers and napkin holders to get the most out of not buying food in an expensive city i even have a friend who once filled her entire backpack with tupperwares and slowly filled them up with food over the course of a meal just so she could take them all back and store them in her fridge slightly illegal maybe it's definitely breaking the rules i'm just going to call it getting the most out of my dining plan and continue to do it [Music] [Music] you

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Keywords: reddit, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, subreddit, reddit stories, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, reddit story, story, stories, reddit best, funny posts, funny, r/, best posts, reddit funny, sub, people, funny stories, memes, Cowbelly, Updoot, ToadFilms, storytime with reddit, sir reddit, planet reddit

Id: v2rI-gdbKI0

Length: 19min 4sec (1144 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 17 2020