Police Officers, What "You'll Never Believe Me" Story Did a Suspect Tell You?

law enforcers of reddit what is the craziest you'll never believe me story that a suspect victim told you that actually turned out to be true read this in the local paper i live in a small town in australia this guy was out fishing in the bush when an elephant goes running past so he reports it to the police who proceed to laugh and ask what he's been smoking the next day someone came in to report a missing elephant it turns out some circus elephants had been retired to a local farm i'm not a law enforcer but when i was 21 i went to a public park to smoke weed with a group of my friends i had weed in my car and papers to roll up joints of which i rolled three to split between the six of us while i sat in the car waiting for my friends to get there i mistrusted a fart and shat my dang pants this park was about a mile and a half from my house so i drove back in a hurry i was speeding and got pulled on the crossroad between my street and another for going 15 over the cop approaches my car and after the typical license and registration takes a whiff and goes what am i smelling i make eye contact and tell him sir i pooped my pants and was speeding home before a date the officer looked back to his car leaning his head back in a bit and sniffed pulled his head out and winced slapped the side of my car twice and said hurry home son and let me go small miracles i guess ro never thought i'd see a story where someone was glad to crap their pants saw what seemed to be a disabled motor vehicle on the side of the road pulled up behind to check it out occupants old woman young woman baby me is everything all right old woman presumably grandma everything's fine officer we're just looking for the baby's eye on the floor i step back thinking i'm just trying to help you ladies why do you have to break my chops young woman presumably mom must have caught my expression no really officer the baby has a glass eye and it fell out somewhere here in the car we'll be okay working specialized mental health assignment and had to do a house call on a guy patrol had thought was a little off i'll sit down in his house to talk to him while he eats his hamburger during conversations i ask him what he's eating and he tells me it's just some crap he threw together turns out he was literally eating crap pressed into a patty and cooked first time i threw up on scene this is a court order it says you can't eat crap anymore i was the one with the crazy story one late night i'm driving through downtown spokane wa and as i'm zooming through an intersection i see the biggest porcupine i've ever seen it was as big as a volkswagen i turned a corner and as i'm parking i noticed two cops standing there i yell at them to come over and i start blubbering about seeing a giant porcupine one cop gets behind me and the other gets really close to my face so i say i'm not drunk or high there is a huge freaking porcupine walking down sprung that someone is going to hit they reluctantly follow me to the parking lot as we round the corner of the in my face cop visibly jumps and gets on the radio to call animal control but they later assured me that they weren't going to tase me but they would have been p if they hadn't seen the biggest goddamned porcupine in the northwest i was the you'll never believe me suspect in this situation i just got home from a bar and got a call at 11 30 at night it was the alarm company at my job saying the alarm was tripped and they couldn't get a hold of my manager i'm cocky because i'm drunk so i figure i'll head down there myself and beat up the burglars the store was about half a mile from my apartment so i throw on my hoodie and sprint over there the burglars had cleared out by the time i got there and the front window was smashed in i go in and turn off the alarm and when i walk out there is a gun in my face in my haste to get to the store i forgot all of my ids so the cop finds a busted window and a drunk guy with noah dripping in sweat wearing a dark hoodie claiming he works there somehow i ended up convincing him and he barricaded me in there while i slept on the floor until my manager got in i ended up convincing him and he barricaded me in there you obviously did not convince him i was a counter-narcotics operator who would deploy with the us navy and u.s coast guard one trip we were patrolling just off the coast of guatemala with intel on a suspected drug trafficking boat we locate a radar contact in the vicinity and launch a small boat 19 ft with an interdiction team it was an unannounced nighttime boarding unb so the idea was speed surprise violence if action got close within 30 feet undetected turned on all spotlights and strobes and began yelling for all people on board to put their hands in the air the only person on board was hanging over the opposite side and wouldn't put his hands up several times he was instructed to do so or possibly be hurt if he refused in all the yelling and confusion no one heard what he was trying to tell us finally the dust settled and everyone took in breath and the man explained he couldn't put his hands up bc he had caught a shark and was losing most of his fishing equipment i went over and saw that he indeed had a five-foot shark fighting just over the side we helped him pull it up a little and he beat it to death with a baseball bat saved all his tackle didn't find any drugs we helped him pull it up a little and he beat it to death with a baseball bat the mental image this painted for me is absolutely hilarious i was going 17 over and got pulled over going home for winter break from my university i had some what a burger earlier but all was well with my digestive track until i got pulled over i then realized i had to take a massive crap so he comes up i'm already ready with the papers and license he asks me why i'm going so fast and if i'm aware my speed is a felony i told him i'm on my way home it's a pretty far drive and that i have to go to the bathroom really badly and point at the water burger bag he raised an eyebrow and i said look man i'm gonna crap my brains out can we do this in coleman this was just outside of coleman texas and coleman has a decent al subs convenient store for such purposes he raised an eyebrow and off we went he ran my info while i ran my pipes and after i came out 15 minutes later he told me to keep the speed down and to be safe heading home it was a very strange series of events for me some law enforcement officers saw this happen to me or i might have otherwise been in trouble i was on my way to her party with some beer cans in a shopping bag i decide that i should open a beer on the way only before i do i spot some cops standing close by so i change my mind about the beer since public drinking is illegal i put the beer back in the bag still looking at the cops so i miss the bag and it falls to the ground and a small pebble punctures the can causing it to spray panicked about the beer i pick it up and try to block the hole but spraying beer all over myself instead after some quick thinking i figure opening the can would alleviate the pressure from the hole and i'm right only now i'm standing somewhere in public with half an open biocon in hand in broad view of the police and i'm wreaking a beer apart from being sober it sure looked like i was drinking in public the cops didn't bother with me at all you had all the makings of shotgunning a beer in front of some cops i understand why you didn't but i'm still disappointed late and not a law enforcer but so knew a guy called harry potter having been caught by the police for a minor misdemeanor they thought he was mocking them when he told them his name they marched him home where he could present it and let him off sucks to be harry potter in the muggle world apparently i was on foot patrol at the lincoln memorial when i received a call on the radio to meet with a woman concerning her kidnapping as soon as i saw her from 100 yards away i could tell she was a 1096 mental subject she was dressed inappropriately for the time of year her clothes were unusual and mismatched many homeless people wear all of their clothes because they have nowhere to keep them her hair was very disheveled she proceeded to tell me that she had been kidnapped from the streets of dc the night before but she escaped and made her way back she told me she was kidnapped by 33rd degree masons under the orders of jesse jackson and the rainbow coalition she told me she jumped out of the car in virginia and hitchhiked back into dc while i was taking her statement a detective showed up we found out she jumped out of the car at a convenience store the detective went out that the convenience store and found out she had indeed been there the night before apparently some frat boys thought it would be funny to pick up a homeless woman and take her back to the house for a party when she started talking to them about masonic conspiracies they decided to mess with her she freaked out and they dumped her at the convenience store in the middle of the night not a cop etc years ago on the way back to a friend's apartment for a party after a night out i decided to get a cd out of my car which was parked across the road we were all bananas drunk and most likely under the influence of of certain other intoxicants i opened the driver's door with the key and sat into the seat with one leg still outside the car barely holding the door open while i searched for the disc in the center console it should be noted that i had my right hand holding my keys resting on the top of the steering wheel i couldn't find the cd one was looking for so i looked up to call across to my friends going into the door of the apartment only to see a squad car pulled up beside me took a lot longer than i was comfortable with trying to convince the three cops that i genuinely had no intention of driving not as interesting or outlandish as some of these stories and i'm not in leo but i have a story from the other side of this one summer six years ago i was bartending in a vacation town for the summer and i was getting pulled over once or twice a week every time the officer would say their license plate scanner read my registration as being expired but it wasn't always had been up to date i'd show them my registration and after the first time it happened tell them it's happened before but my registration is up to date they always give me a look like okay sure whatever and then spend a really long time in their car then come back and say my registration was fine it happened so many times that summer and only in that city despite me driving my car many other places i never figured out why it was happening and toward the end of the summer it seemed to stop your car was regularly parked at a bar they were fishing for their dui quota i worked as a customs officer not front line i dealt with back and stuff cameras mainly sometimes i'd help the other techs who dealt with radio's swab machines not my core role but hey friendly work environment the swab machines occasionally need recalibration we do this with a calibration liquid measure a drop onto the swab know the expected value put in the machine adjust as necessary bit more to it than that but good enough anyways we needed to clean out the fridge they were stored in move things around dispose of expired stuff i had a flight that afternoon to travel to another site for work i had handled calibration substances for pretty much every drug and explosive known to mankind forgot to wash hands as i was not actively doing work at the time i wasn't a customs officer at this moment just a traveler got randomly selected for the swabbing the machine just about had an aneurysm if it's possible for a machine to do lights warnings startled security guard um so i forgot to wash my hands after handling the calibration substances for the swab machines at the office earlier end result i missed my flight calls to managers and regional managers got it all sorted out new policy was that no one was allowed to handle the calibration substances if they had a flight in the next 24 hours wipes away tears the best stories involve someone screwing up so badly that they make a law rule about it congratulations it's not crazy but it was very unbelievable until i found he was being honest i contacted a guy walking on the wrong side of the road because he was carrying a backpack and when i looked at him he gave me the oh crap look i find out he's on parole and currently awaiting trial for burglary i search his bag and locate an aid a computer and a wallet with the cash and card still in the wallet obviously he stole all this and i read him his rights to ask him some questions he claims he was walking to the law enforcement center to turn in it hahaha yeah right i thought to myself sure you were buddy he tells me he was walking back from eating at a shelter and just found all these belongings next to the park and wanted to turn them in anyway i take all his information and write it up because there are no reports from the person on the adobe theft or anything and i deter the property well about four hours later i get a call from another officer he asks me if i took a computer and other items i tell him yes and he said that his victim a female had her boyfriend take her belongings and threw them out the window at the park i started laughing and told him the story of my guy this is probably one of the few times i have ran into a somewhat innocent person with a crazy story that was true don't fool yourself though he was walking away from where the police station was not towards it i was the one at fault we owned some property in town family told me to chop down some branches off a tree that was blocking the line of sight for one of the exits no sweat the issue was that the tree branch was over a busy road so i had to do it at night midnight rolls around so i head out and get chopping of course the only other car on the road happens to be a cop he pulls up to me with my hacksaw about three stroke four of the way through the second largest branch i had to cut he asks me what's up and i explain it to him he repeats back you're telling me that you're cutting three branches down at midnight because you own this property and you were told to do so i was like yep and kept cutting he just looked at me incredulously gave me some lip and when i kept cutting he just left not sure if he ever followed up with my family but we come from a small town so i wouldn't be surprised not me but my mom there is a machine at some police stations that takes in death calls it is called a tele-type writer lady keeps calling in that she is home alone it is too dark to see and she can hear people jumping on her roof of course no one takes it seriously and they ask her to go out and see if there really is anyone on the roof she's too scared so they send out someone and of course nothing there she keeps calling once a week for a month it is usually at the same time on the same day so they finally preemptively send out a trooper and lo and behold some but old teenagers really were jumping on the roof my fiance's dad is a cop and has seen some crap like a six-month-old baby getting thrown out a fourth-story window and surviving this is my favorite story he's ever told it was a normal day he was doing normal traffic stops that kind of stuff when all of the sudden smoke pouring out of a car bob molly blaring and swerving all over the road he pulled the car over somehow and walked up to the window bob molly still blaring the guy rolled down the window and smoke spilled out everywhere as the guy desperately tried to turn down the music keep in mind he couldn't see anything inside the car during this time the guy then said officer i know what it looks like but i swear i am making pancakes on my way to work fion says dad said sure get out of the car after the smoke cleared from the car he saw a hot plate plugged into the cigarette lighter and some extremely burnt pancakes if anyone has seen the green text yes he was eop the way you typed that made it sound like thr baby being thrown out of a window was your favorite story this happened to me about eight years ago i was 21 and drinking some beer with some buddies who hadn't come of age yet they were 19 and 20. they couldn't drive as they got pretty hammered but i wasn't drinking much so i told them i will drive them home in their car and would have a different friend not with us drive me home we all agreed and hopped in the car there were some leftover beer cans in the trunk along with a half empty bottle of vodka about 10 minutes into the drive a cop starts tailing me i panic a little but i wasn't drunk so i kept driving like all is well five minutes pass and this cop is still on my tail i get to a stop light and turn right and the lights come on behind me frick frick frick my friends in the back seat are totally hammered and now also freaking out i tell them to shut the heck up and let me talk we pull into a car wash that was closed and out of nowhere i crap you not like 20 more cop cars blazing out of nowhere it's a small town so a few bored cops generally pull in when they see someone get pulled over i guess out of boredom or backup but 20 i'm sweating hard and roll down the window and ask what's going on the guy tells us all to get out and ask to search the car i look back at my friend who is the owner and he mumbles the okay the cop starts going through everything and pops the trunk sees the liquor and doesn't react so now i've got two drunk and scared people and i'm ready to crap my pants and we're all outside of the car with freaking guns pointed at us out of nowhere i grow some balls and start demanding answers turns out a vehicle matching our description along with three people in it matching our description just robbed a store down the road same color car and everything once they realize there's no merchandise in the car the cop apologizes then the drunk kids and beer and vodka dawn on him out of sheer embarrassment for the overkill pulling us over he asks if i'm sober and i say yes so he lets us go no questions asked about the alcohol or underage drinking crazy crap you wouldn't believe how many calls we get about people accusing someone else of tricking them into drinking pee it happens at least once a month and sometimes once a week one time it was true and we went after the guy some prankster called a hotel got a guest to think he had an std and needed to bring a cup of pee down to the front desk he told him not to cause an alarm so just put it on the desk and walk away then the guy called the front desk and said that he was a sports drink ceo and had a new energy drink for him to test out guy drank pee it went viral and there have been a few copy cats out there there is nothing funny about making someone drink pea people baby is brought to hospital for acting strangely tests positive for m both parents are recovering mad experts where they are currently clean their story a homeless friend crashed at their house two days ago at some point she stepped outside and must have smoked some aim out of one of their spoons then threw it in the sink dad was making the bottle and needed something to stir it no clean silverware so he grabbed a spoon from the sink and it was the m spoon from two days prior turns out that was exactly what happened cops tracked down the friend and she confirmed parents had caught her smoking the next day and kicked her out i have a not leo but similar though from the other side story traveling to australia and at customs they swab my luggage and find traces of pot at the time i'm a 20 something guy with long hair traveling alone a friendly customs fellow starts taking to me gives me the spiel they don't care if i smoke just that i'm not bringing any all that jazz i'm freaking out while being politely interrogated at customs on the other side of the world mind racing will i be turned away and have to go home will i be detained or jailed strip searched i have no clue what australian law has to say about drug trafficking but it's probably bad i never had smoked not even once and still don't i've dabbled slightly with legalization and all where i live but it just makes me incredibly dizzy even at very low dose amounts both vaping and one two little four milligrams edibles don't really drink either save for at my best friend's wedding as the best man something about not having my wits about me really bothers me but anyways so here i am freaking out the poster child i'm sure especially to some foreign guys probably familiar with american tv culture of an american pothead based on appearance stereotypes and it suddenly dawned on me it was my parents suitcase i was borrowing for the trip he gave me this kinda incredulous look but we chatted a bit more they searched my luggage more thoroughly and i went on my way i'm sure they thought i must have gotten through with something and they just didn't bother to find it but nope it really was someone else's suitcase and my parents at that so this wasn't me but still good when i was in the army we had a ssg blackman in my company and he was actually a black man he came to work late one day and when asked why by the commander he explained that he'd been pulled over on the way to make formation the mp that pulled him over asked for his id and it turned out he'd forgotten it he told the mp his name and the guy didn't believe him so ssg blackman made a deal he said okay follow me back to my place to get my id if it says what i said it does i don't get a ticket the mp agreed and followed him home after seeing his it he just walked away swearing no ticket for ss g blackman i escaped a ny state police helicopter on foot even after it hovered directly over me for what felt like forever when i was apprehended weeks later i talked to the guard who was working dispatch that night he said the pilot thought i was a dear since i didn't get up and run while they hovered over me dispatched to a 5150 call crazy person upon arrival the 5150 subject stated there was green goblins in his attic running around after i checked the attic to comfort him he advised me that he thought about lighting himself on fire i detained him and he was placed on a 72-hour hold after convincing the doctors he was saying he was released that same day he went home and lit himself on fire with gasoline just as he said holy crap that's awful but i seriously thought this story was going to be about how you found green goblins in his attic seem to be on a rash of calls for mentally disturbed persons everything from the cia installed microphones and cameras in my chandelier to hearing chittering in the walls complainant was a hoarder i then went to like my third call of a similar type that day a lady that claimed she had a camera in her dvr i attended and sure enough the lady had her dvr on the counter at first glance i couldn't see anything wrong with the dvr and from her initial story it was very convoluted she then breaks out a hammer and starts smashing the dvr to bits i was thinking oh boy here we go but to my surprise there was a camera in the done dvr player hubby and her had split because of his verism and his behavior didn't subside while they were co-inhabiting in the same house until it's sold tl dr lady i thought was crazy turned out to actually have a camera installed in her dvr by her obsessive husband whom she was divorcing i was in law enforcement in the los angeles area in the early 1990s one of my first call outs was to a dong fighting ring in east la it was pretty standard in this area multiple units helicopters an immigration bus dozens of arrests polaroids of gang tattoos etc the next day my partner and i get to cruelty to animals call out to the same address we figure it's a rollover from all the calls the previous day but we go to check it out park the radio car at the end of the driveway of the house next door to where we were the day before and start walking down the narrow driveway toward an old split door barn garage at the back of the property the top half of one door is open and we can faintly hear a radio so we call out announcing our presence no answer we approach and call out again no answer we now realize there is someone in the garage so we both draw our sidearms and approach in a combat stance when we get to the door we announce once more our presence but we can now see through the darkness a guy standing on a stepladder with his pants around his ankles my partner opens the bottom half of the barn door to gain entry and a better visual and demands the man come down and show his hands he says to us i'll be there in a minute while still rhythmically moving we repeat our request but now the situation is beginning to dawn on both of us long story short as we're arresting this guy for having intercourse with his horse his wife comes out from the back of the house behind us yelling at him i told you that's not right and a few other statements as we loaded him into our unit for transport what struck me as most odd was his completely calm demeanor during our 20-minute drive to our substation while he very eloquently and logically explained to us how much he and his horse cared for each other disturbingly but not surprisingly his wife posted bail that evening i'm not a cop but i'm a lawyer my client once literally used it was my evil twin brother defense he actually was telling the truth bizarrely enough his brother admitted to everything overall a weird case ones arrested a homeless guy broke into an old factory to stay warm claimed he was a world-renowned violinist that worked for a symphony and handcrafted violins i humored him turned out to be true he has since turned his life back around and is off the street not working in the symphony anymore thaku wasn't me i thought it was funny my two buddies hike at night i dky and in our state you get trespassing for being out after dark in parks they see a park ranger they assume looking for them since they parked in the lot after backtracking about a mile and a half they have this dumb butt idea the one buddy starts running up the trail screaming help there's a bear chasing me the other buddy is running up the trail making a bunch of bear noises idk what those would be as my buddy is reaching the ranger he's like run the other way there is a bear the ranger runs out of the woods with him lol the guy imitating a bear is lucky the ranger didn't shoot him [Music] marked out with a guy who was trespassing on state property he was clearly homeless and appeared to be a train hopper after a few minutes talking to him he starts talking about all this pain he has as well as some typical nonsense about not trusting banks fast forward we notice he has blood stains on his butt and kept grabbing and talking about this pain anyway we take him to the air to get checked out turns out the dude did not trust banks at all had about four dollars of change shoved up his but because he didn't trust banks so instead of using a bank or putting anywhere else he kept all his money in his butt i was the victim we went to the police station and made our report person or persons unknown had broken into our house from the back and proceeded to illegally renovate our kitchen i was driving in the 80s one of those old-school wood paneled jeep grand cherokees i was in new england narrow windy roads with oak trees and stone walls along the sides any case the pedal dropped to the floor under my foot and the car began to accelerate wildly i could break but i couldn't stop accelerating i tried to turn off the key but the car kept running i was barely able to keep the car on the road so as you can imagine i picked up a nice police escort and led them all over heck and tarnation at high speeds frankly i'm lucky i survived in the end the car sputtered out likely the result of the switched off ignition i got out of the car in tremendous relief only to find policemen with guns drawn demanding that i lie on the ground with my arms extended i told them it wasn't my fault i told them that the car just took off and i couldn't stop it i told them that i was the victim in all of this they of course felt that i was trying to evade responsibility for leading them all over the place in a deadly high-speed car chase took a while but i got them to look under the hood a mechanic had left a tool with a rubber handle the heat from the engine had softened the handle to the point that it sees the accelerator cable most likely when i was giving it some real gas to get it going i was a teenager the cops let me go begrudgingly with some comments about how i should handle my upcoming discussion with the mechanic tip if you ever have runaway acceleration put it in neutral then you can stop while the engine revs away of course that requires fast thinking and often in a panic thinking ceases so be prepared and think it through now not in the emergency couple of rednecks on suspicion of murder tried to sell me on some ridiculous story said a group of college kids just showed up and started killing themselves all over their property they must have thought i was some kind of [ __ ] to believe a story like that hey college kids we got a friend brother-in-law is a police officer in saint louis area he was patrolling late one evening and noticed a car in an otherwise vacant church parking lot he sat and watched the car slowly circle the interior of the parking lot over and over and over again turns out the driver was drunk he had somehow managed to make his way into the parking lot but couldn't figure out how to exit these days if i saw someone slowly circling a church parking lot i just assumed they were playing pokemon go my friend works probation and one of her probationers was an ex-cop busted with child pee on his computer he said his crazy ex-girlfriend planted it on him but the jury didn't believe him the guy lost his career and had to register as a sex offender go through counseling etc three years after he was convicted the crazy ex's new boyfriend tells police that during an argument the drunk x threatens to ruin him like she did her old boyfriend she then tells him details about how she broke into the last boyfriend's apartment and hid child pee on his computer and then made an anonymous call to turn him in eventually the girlfriend is investigated arrested and the guy's record was expunged but it was years after he was convicted and his life was screwed was a clerk at muni court traffic and the person i was helping was saying i have to sign up and go in on this but it's not my ticket my sister gave my name instead of hers it's not that uncommon if you look fairly similar and are about the same age it's easy our helicopter spotted a guy driving crazy fast and called it ground units be aware of extremely fast driver at guy is driving like his house is on fire turned out fire units were responding to a structure fire at his house let him off with a warning and an escort home caught kid with marijuana in his backpack kept lying about it not being his over and over eventually mom pulls us aside and tells that it's hers and doesn't want her son to know not an officer but one time my brother's apartment building was on fire he was at work and received a call telling him about the fire he proceeds to race home and gets pulled over for speeding the leo asks where's the fire bud to which my brother responds there's one of my apartment right now he was clearly panicked and the officer gave him an escort home his apartment was thankfully spared wasn't me but was my best friend martin martin is a very dirty person love the kid but he causes a mess and is a reckless driver he got pulled over by a cop for whatever reason and the cop thought he was drinking cause the car reached off fermented fruit and he was swerving after some talking back and forth the cop doesn't believe he's not drunk until martin pulls out half a moldy cantaloupe the cop smelted shook his head and left him off with a warning [Music] i got pulled over reeking off booze for having an out tail light the cop asked me if i had been drinking and i said no he said i smelled of booze and he had to breathalyze me i told him it was fine after blowing a zero two three times my wife leans her seat forward and goes that smell is me i've been all over that area the cop lost his crap and i let her know that she wasn't being very helpful he told us to have a good night and we did my great-grandfather was a film director specializing in nature documentaries so of course he owned a leopard anyhow it once got sick and had to be transported to the zoo to be checked by a vet this being the 60s he simply put it in the back of a van and started driving obviously he was stopped by the police he was asked what he was transporting and calmly answered a leopard they didn't believe him they opened the trunk they very quickly believed him they let him go on his way i know this is a bit unbelievable but i don't know how to source it without giving away my anonymity if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video so bye bye

Channel: Updoot Everything

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Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh, reddit stories 2020, police stories reddit, reddit police, police subspect

Id: EGO93xpX3-Y

Length: 34min 43sec (2083 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 21 2020