Why Movie Cops Are Terrible At Their Jobs - After Hours

I promise you it's not autistic girl it's I kissed a girl and I liked it yeah you see how that's confusing though right oh thank god whatever you guys yea pulled over you yelled at a cop she yelled at it oh my gosh you just hadn't changed over your tags yet tell me where that falls under protected sir it doesn't matter you had a badge Katie he is the rules calm down you didn't get a ticket did you at what cost the ten ability of the American justice system I've never seen anything like it before I could say a thing she just laid into me with all these confused stereotypes she call my bacon eater god I hope that hard shoot chokes on all that bacon Wow you actually hate cops I think hey it's like hating the glue to our society what what are you gonna do if something really terrible happens what if one of your friends what if poor Daniel was murdered what then I don't like this grow up Soran even if Dan was brutally murdered this is not like the movies where the cops would just magically solve the case right statistically speaking Dan's killer is far more likely to get away scot-free how about we choose a different name Marta it really likes Marta Oh what if you didn't have to rely on cops though our cops okay if you could give the case of Dan's hideous but deserve dismemberment to any Police Department from any movie which would you choose I may mmm it's Commissioner Gordon right obviously isn't that the righthand severed heads can't talk and no you've got to give the case to the whole department right just like in real life you can't cherry pick your favorite cop yeah and Gotham PD is terrible they let the Joker get away because they forget to check if there's a bomb sewn inside one of the inmates and then also they get tricked by Bane into getting trapped underground and then when they get out the first thing that they decide to do is get into a fistfight with a band of terrorists am I remembering that right where are their gun well then pretty much any superhero movie is forfeit if there are vigilantes out cleaning up the streets then it means that the cops suck at the very same job it Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Teenage creatures that aren't allowed to interact with anybody blow the lid off of a Foot Clan crime ring before trained detectives only reason cops show up at all in the x-men movies is so the mutants have some useless meat sacks to toss around it Winter Soldier a bunch of fake police coroner Nick theory in the middle of a city in the middle of the day so where the hell are the real cops this entire time sitting in their convertibles licking jelly out of each other's mouths if it's me I'm gonna ignore patrolman all together I want a department that has great detectives I want guys that have a track record of taking down serial killers who hunt guys like Daniel for sport that's why I'm going with seven guys like Daniel which one of the seven do you think I am are you saying that murdering a serial killer execution-style is the same as closing the books on a case hang on this this is important oh also uh the only reason they caught Kevin Spacey is because he turned himself in I mean they didn't even have fingerprints on the guy before he just waltzes in the front door of the police department and for the first half of the movie Morgan Freeman is just bitching and moaning about how he doesn't even want the case this can't be my last Judy fried right I'm gonna say it was pride she was very pretty fine then lethal weapon hmm but remember there's no guarantee that you'll get rigs or Murtaugh yeah fine that's great actually every time as they work a case they end up destroying half the city I want the quiet cops who just keep their heads down all rigs is off dislocating is shorter at the water cooler so just standard LAPD detectives except it's way worse you have these two high-profile guys in your squad that criminals actively target the bad guy tried to blow up Danny Glover with a toilet bomb the South Africans drowned Mel Gibson's girlfriend every other cop on the force is gonna have their hands full just protecting these two guys and that's a problem with buddy cop movies right rush hour tango & cash end of watch it's always personal they are attracting these dangerous powerful criminals from around the world who specifically want to make sure that these cops are dead right and then everyone else in the department has to drop whatever they're working on just some boring decapitated body inside of a dumpster to pitch in and help take down the kingpin she's right even if you don't get the two bad boys from that one movie bad boys to all your detectives are gonna be forced to focus on the case that's actually making newspaper headlines which is why I'm going old-school back to a simpler time little movie called mm LA Confidential okay Michael you realize that half of the cops in LA Confidential are racist egomaniacal woman abusers right exactly and this victim happens to be a white middle-class male from a good neighborhood just the kind of meaty case that they'd bend a few rules to solve if you know what I mean am I do it dirty but they get it done it's actually a really good point wait hang on a second the other half of the department was completely corrupt it's probably another officer that killed Dan in the first place it's always the nerdy pencil-pushing narc that gets whacked first and/or forgot to charge me for the extra toaster I'll add it to the tip is that just Noir okay any movie with one or two really good cops inevitably puts them inside of a compromised apartment that's training day Chinatown the departed SWAT you probably get a cop who's best interest isn't just burying the case but burying you true fine okay I go for my contingency plan the police department from ELF I don't there's I don't remember a single call from that movie exactly nor do you remember any crime see the best Police Department is one you don't have to think about too much trust me there was not a single burglary murder or rape in that whole movie uh wait a bunch of cops show up at the end though when Santa's sleigh crashed in that Park and look at the response time okay so none then yeah I don't think so any movie with the stakes are really high the cops can't be a feasible option they either have to be incompetent or in bed with the enemy or it's a buddy cop movie in which case they're reckless and they draw the attention of international crime lords leash I wonder Kati hates cops so much there's not a single good or useful department depicted in film movies want us to mistrust the police and it trains would be cops to believe that the only way to be good at your job is to be a renegade who can't trust anyone man I hope there's like a test to weed out cadets with that mentality police academy sure at the academy level or any part of the training no police academy the franchise I think that's the only example where the department is good across the board what was the premise of the first myth a bunch of civilians who have no business being cops get to because it's a terrible idea wait did you kill Daniel okay that's not what happened exactly right the new mayor passes a law that says that anyone can become a police officer no matter their race gender creed size so of course when they first get into the Academy they totally suck but then after training they're thrown headfirst into their very first assignment which is a citywide riot where they successfully apprehend armed criminals and the police don't fire a single shot and that's not just luck either in police academy 2 they get transferred to the worst precinct in the city and they manage to shut down a huge drug syndicate and turn the whole city around I mean they're clumsy but across seven movies they consistently get the job done lise Academy essentially opens up policing to the citizens allowing them to police themselves and it totally works it's a pretty anarchic idea for an 80s movie it's actually kind of genius well wait how is that any different from the way it works in the real world can anyone who passes the academy become a cop yeah I don't know I think so though Oh was the guy who pulled you over super good at sound effects no but was he a womanizer no okay but was he fat like was he a big fat guy yeah exactly I knew it classic Leslie Barbara are we positive he couldn't do sound effects er wasn't good at them did you ever just say not on what when you heard the sirens did you notice where their lights on or was he just opening his mouth man I forgot to check completely that's was the first thing I check oh thank god what took you guys so long pulled over you yelled at a cup she yelled in a cop please ents over your tags show me where that falls that are protecting sir sorry yeah oh just seeing no I hang on Oh Stan was probably the shot it's always the nerdy pencil-pushing damn it I can do it okay it's always the melee it's always the nerdy pencil-pushing narc that gets soft in a whoa damn it it's so easy come on yeah nerdy pencil-pushing nerdy pencil-pushing what it's always the weedy oh man nerdy you're not weedy at all no way do I need Lina it's always the nerdy pencil-pushing narc that gets off first and Noir so close it's always the nerdy pencil-pushing newark that gets whacked first and Noir

Channel: Cracked

Views: 2,111,418

Rating: 4.9287944 out of 5

Keywords: Lethal Weapon, Seven, Movie Cops, action movie, Police Brutality (Literature Subject), Cops (TV Program), Police Academy, Riggs, Murtuagh, cracked, cracked.com, after hours, La Confidential, film noir, comedy, sketch, funny, spoof, humor, parody, satire, Sketch Comedy (TV Genre), Elf

Id: evhUXhzlslE

Length: 9min 8sec (548 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 27 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/danman1950]

So great movies have shitty cops, but really terrible movies have great cops? Hmmm... maybe we should just remake Police Academy and not make it shit.

[u/[deleted]]

No, "community policing" aka... just having police that aren't trained very much? is not "pretty anarchic" even for an 80s movie.