Super Mario Bros. """""Speedrun""""" (with a terrible controller)

well here we are this is the this screen is the place where it all began and by that i mean not even the mario series i'm here today with a special gimmick stream outright gimmick shameless really i i'm playing mario one the first and in the spirit of the nes which is a old and janky console to those of you who have never owned one i'll be playing with uh are you sitting horrible peripheral this is the mothership according to the box here this is a official nintendo approved that is the seal right there all right so this is approved by nintendo it's made by suncom uh it's it's this stupid peripheral that you just like your little nes controller right into it says right here plays easier feels better scores higher no no no and no to all of those but here here it is there's that bad boy hold on let's get a better view it's got little suction cups that are horrible they don't work let me tell you with the amount of like torsion that you have to apply to this thing to actually move in a video game is insane and it always no matter what you're on it always makes the suction cups come up but anyway i'm gonna [ __ ] like you never know covid and all that this thing's from the 80s maybe it's got like aids or something by the way i just want to note uh this thing has a [ __ ] like acceptance speech on the back the mothership story and then longer than the mother ship's entire life story is the 90-day limited warranty you've never played nintendo until you've played it with mothership unique in all the universe mothership it really says that envelops and fully conceals nintendo's own original disgusting rectangular box hand controller by converting into an aircraft style pistol grip joystick with the mothership you'll enjoy higher scores easier play and greater comfort than you've ever had before no i tried this with like top gun which is an actual plane game and it sucked it was the worst thing ever it says as an aircraft style joystick mothership lets you play video game simulations as they were meant to be played remember that later using a controller just like the ones used by real life airplane pilots and astronauts this piece of [ __ ] all right they use this they don't there's no wires coming out of those things when you see astronauts and jet pilots they've used them and they've proved them and you will too because with mothership nintendo is no longer just a game it's for real it actually says that games become real life with this peripheral so i'm excited this makes video games real that's [ __ ] up [Music] so we got the hand cam down there so you gotta like line up the cable here so that it doesn't like get caught on anything and then you just kind of i'm sorry about this you just kind of shove it in there all right i'm sorry did that hurt that's that's i feel weird you can it's basically got a control bind where you can bind this end of the joystick button oh look the demo is out of sync hold on this happens sometimes this game's such a piece of [ __ ] he's supposed to get damaged by the goombas but instead he just sits there the demos busted i'm gonna struggle today so much all right let's go start the game mario one now i've played this before but not too much i'm not going to die to the first goomba i'm not a scrub all right still got it still got it oh maybe i should have got the one up actually though this is like not even worth it it's just a few stinky coins all right you don't want to get the top of the flagpole because that's not speedy i'm just gonna say i'm not gonna do any of the like cool speed run tricks where you like little bullet bill like follow you along and [ __ ] it's just i need to like rethink how i play hold on where's the like secret coin blocks because i kind of need those i'm gonna need all the lives i can get so i will be doing none of the nonsense that like see glemmick and sh that's mario 64. uh that like andrew g and stuff do here we are that's the one god everything is a chore with this [ __ ] controller that's that's put that like quote on the cover even the simplest platforming challenges become a hassle with the miracle of mothership oh and i will be using warps i look at that even the simplest of jumps oh lord should i try to go the minus world actually just like take away the facade that this is anything but [ __ ] around it's just it's nauseating [Music] i i know this is like a oh it's a short game when played like the shortest route okay bye bye minus world [ __ ] i already lost a life this is no good oh god i i feel the carpal tunnel setting in already yahoo yahoo can i get some yahoos in chat thanks oh [ __ ] i lost my like speed oh [ __ ] the speed just stopped happening okay [Music] oh god i have to [ __ ] like i have to wrestle this thing to get it to work [Music] that just the later levels are gonna suck so much with this okay this is this is a nightmare jump for this setup it's like half the time the b button isn't being pressed even if i'm holding it down okay first game over i only got to 4-2 folks this is great hold on what's the classic like meme where you make it look like mario's taking the doo-doo hold on hold on there you go classic folks absolutely [ __ ] comedy gold oh that sucked so much oh god damn you koopa get out of here [Music] i want at least a mushroom for this [Music] i like that there's piranha plants that live in these pipes that's like a little bit of lore maybe it's just like every pipe has a piranha plant in it by default and they just like didn't remove them there but it's like you can't even get hurt by those they go away before you can even touch them okay b button don't fail me now it's like this is like a challenge run and the challenge is that my hand looks like it just got hit by like a hammer and it's going like you know like cartoon you know oh come on god damn it i need to just jump to the little tiny one i don't want to though is the thing i think that's another game over no [Music] because it's so hard to control this thing is awful like i wish you guys could feel how terrible this controller is but you just can't move properly the way the games were meant to be played it says [ __ ] off there you go that's all you got to do it's just so hard to get it from a standstill isn't there a mushroom yeah i know the stuff i know some of the things i play to mario like these are boring who the [ __ ] does these in their playthrough of mario okay oh this is the bit this is where i need to if i can do a wall jump i remember this part so you do that you do that and you do that this is like my scrub way of doing it of course i constantly am using scrub strats oh can i not get in there as big man it's just i ugh everything hurts everything sucks all right get up there whoa did the vine like not even grow properly oh yeah oh yeah i'm what you call a pro jesus christ my hands hurt this is awful also i love how this castle this bigger castle is just like a smaller castle sitting on top of a big like thing oh oh what god damn it the b button stopped being held just randomly that sucks oh game over well i got to aid one the b button just randomly because like i said there's no wires in this thing it just physically presses the buttons with like a shitty 80s mechanism it's the worst and it's like so few nes games have anything to do with like flying a plane or whatever or like it's airship or like a spaceship or whatever it makes no sense there's one game and it's called top gun and it's fun until it gets impossible when you have to land the plane spoiler alert so there's a bunch of like video essays and [ __ ] about how the design of this first level is like immaculate in teaching people who have never seen a platformer before had a platform and it is it's cool shiggy miatosis was uh on top of his game nice hands thanks fat right i was like man my hands look fat when i was testing earlier that's good the hitboxes in this game are [ __ ] by the way there's some [ __ ] that like speed runners do where they like abuse the horrible hitboxes and uh it's hilarious they just jump through big streams of hammers if i get another game over then i will i'll do the negative world with this garbage thing how about that oh my [ __ ] god it's horrible was that my last life no i have two more left that was my first life oh my god it's so frustrating it's like the baby levels are hard the the simplest of tasks i now struggle at b button don't fail me now that's that's the situation where you really don't want that to happen oh god i'm i'm in pain i'm in real pain i don't even have a lot of lives i should have got those coins oh it's a disaster secret around here somewhere yeah that's a real gangster secret only gangsters like me know that secret it's just i don't want to fall and [ __ ] up and die but i know i'm gonna eventually see that time the plane actually grew it didn't grow earlier i'm seriously gonna need like a cast after this i'm gonna the next time you guys see the hand cam it's just gonna be like a two like stiff casts on both my arms there's a star man in there i'm pretty sure starman can't save me from falling down a pit wow i knew it was gonna happen this [ __ ] zone sucks when you can't actually hold the b button that's true my hands will just be like a clean like picked clean piranha of like bone skeleton strip the cow down to its bones in 16 minutes using piranhas oh [ __ ] off sometimes that happens the shell will go off screen and the other enemies will not have spawned yet so it won't actually hit them can i try this again don't fail me yeah okay i might die though oh [ __ ] oh my god wow okay i was not expecting that i was like i can i can jump over anything damn that must suck to do on like an actual speed run because i assure you they don't get the star they probably just have to really precisely jump off of those pipes without getting hit by the uh lads oh yeah minus world all right i'll do it [ __ ] off i'm looking like the demo right now i'm looking like the demo of this game all right we're just gonna go to the minus world and then it like [ __ ] you over so i'll have to reset after that i'm pressing the b button so god damn hard this might be legitimately impossible on this controller like doing the minus world i mean beating the game sure i'm not going to probably do that god damn it but minus world we hard to say my friends all you need is the uh i think you need a mushroom at the very least you don't need a fire flower or anything god damn you i tried to hold it it's it's so different oh bee god did you see how many times the b button just said no there mario like started to run and then didn't like 10 times also i did not even know that that was a [ __ ] secret oh my [ __ ] this is the worst it's like i'm [ __ ] like my my thumb is like pale from holding this button down as hard as i can and it just doesn't [ __ ] work sometimes i'm livid it's so [ __ ] bad i think you need to break that one and then oh my god look at this i are you look i'm cranking it back as far as i can and he's just teabagging like once every few seconds what the [ __ ] is this i cannot crouch oh wait come on no it just never stays i'm gonna [ __ ] break this thing all right all right all right i crouched i crouched you have to like hold it diagonally for it to actually work [Music] i'm gonna run out of time oh it's so miserable i so just want to take the controller out and do this normally i'm dead that's it good god [Music] you can't even [ __ ] crouch you have to hold it like yeah you literally have to hold it at like a down and to the right angle it's like straight up diagonal also what the [ __ ] what happened to the red koopa that's supposed to be here i have a bit more of a yeah a bit more of a method now yeah yeah grapefruit's played games grapefruit's been around the block minus world oh god and now i get to play what is this like world 7-3 or some [ __ ] we get an eternal water level that's what the that's what -1 world is it's the biggest disappointment ever it's a water level that never ends it just loops move you piece of [ __ ] all right tanking it oh yeah the water pits in this game suck you down by the way that's a fun feature anybody remember that fun feature from this game the water pit's [ __ ] like i can't punch it fast enough i can't i couldn't i couldn't push it fast enough good collision detection in this game really good really good stuff and now it just loops around you just go back to the beginning that's it it's hell it's literally hell they made a joke about that in uh in super paper mario when you go to the underwear which is hell in mario world they say some call it world minus one or something like that i think okay [Music] let's try it again i haven't even got to like the hard levels yet it's it's all been just ugh the easy ones the little baby levels move it's so hard to just even move sometimes mario will just be like no i refuse at least the button on the top of the joystick uh seems to be semi-reliable that's like the one good button oh piss off terrible just terrible deftly dodged by that goomba so i think this cartridge of mario bros duck hunt was for a long time one of the most uh like profitable games ever made or something or like sold the most copies and i think it was outsold by uh wii sports or something ah move you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] graham what's your opinion on pears they're all right better apples they're better than apples [Music] apples can go [ __ ] themselves no it's like maybe if i hold it like this oh that's that's probably going to be a better arrangement [Music] i can squeeze the controller i can't even like consistently jump up the thing at the end there quickly you know speedrunners always nail that [ __ ] speedrunners of this game are insane only uh they are only matched by mario 3 warpless runners that [ __ ] is nuts and nobody should ever do it hands that's all i have to say hands this [ __ ] it's just i i want to be careful because i don't want to fall and die and i have to redo the whole [ __ ] thing get up there grip looks so uncomfortable thanks it is there's no comfortable way to do this it's like do you remember the virtual boy this is probably from around the same time i mean of course that was a nintendo official thing whereas this is a sun calm peripheral that's true it has the nintendo seal of approval that's very damning nintendo oh no i didn't mean to go that far i was i was long done pressing the button to go sideways now stop i hate you mario so much how much more level is there [ __ ] off i'm hitting the buttons i'm hitting the goddamn buttons it's just so hard all the way back all the way back no checkpoint in that entire thing oh let me move i'm literally holding all the way to the right it's like is it like is this thing like diagonal in the thing i'm holding all the way right and sometimes maya just won't move [Music] god damn you mario i see you i hate you so much i hate you the thing is the speed run would have taken like five m what would it take like maybe 15 minutes the whole stream if i had done it with a normal controller that's why somebody said why are you doing this to yourself because it wouldn't even be a real stream entertainment are you familiar with entertainment come on oh god the music let me move i hate it i hate it it's like it's like stripes of being able to move all right well play it with a zapper that's not really how the zapper works unfortunately [Music] you don't even need to be pressing the direction to go into the pipe i just learned this sideways motion of any kind gets you into the pipe i did not know that about this game either that or there's some significant shenanigans going on oh my god i hate it you just don't move sometimes sometimes mario just goes no oh my god it's so bad there is an nes dance mat that is a thing i was thinking if i do uh mario two and three i can do those with awful peripherals too i'm very shocked that i'm alive yes there's an nes dance mat the abgn reviewed it it might be for the snes actually that's another thing where it's like literally the existence of it doesn't make any sense because it's like there's no ddr nes games does that make sense yes there's also a voice activated headset that's true oh i gotta like i gotta like do like stretches i gotta like [ __ ] the most dangerous place i could ever be okay [Music] i did a wall jump but i wasn't expecting it to happen that was i'm sorry to my neighbors that was that was real bad that was a genuine scream oh no i had to reset that was a good run i was on a good run it's just the world 8-1 sucks it sucks for this stop i am going through many stages of grief at once at once cool for real i may i may have to come back to this this may be like a multiple stream thing take like multiple streams worth of attempts because my hand hurts so much and i'm not even close i haven't even like got to bowser and then choked yet that's on the itinerary ah oh my like blood vessels [Music] i kind of want to snap this goddamn thing in half to be perfectly honest yes an acme anvil fell on my hand that's exactly what [ __ ] happened and i went oh i like i howled in pain the mothership feeds on pain prism okay prism move i [Music] he just stood there and was like i wonder what's going to hit me oh i'm just gonna stand here like i make a [ __ ] idiot day i'll mail you with my advantage i have one i have the advantage i'm a real gamer oh i can't i real pain wait i just got real pain in my thumb real pain whoa i twinge of real pain like not like aches like out like that kind of pain i even do this i don't think i can do this oh look at the vine oh look at the vine i [ __ ] it up come on no the vine's not there the fight's not there do you guys know that that's the uh the power up theme that uses a segment of that where it's like it's like a sped up version of the sound for uh when you beat a level it's amazing what they did on these games i mean the classic fun fact is that the clouds and the bushes are the same thing like the same sprite just colored differently they got real creative with the uh limitations they had [Music] oh is that a one up whoa i know there's a one up there this is the worst it's the worst take a look at these hands take a look at these hands the hand speaks the hand of a government man oh i can't move okay all right cool cool cool cool how much did you pay for the mothership this was a thrift store find it was probably like five bucks i oh i need to pause again just to give it just for a few seconds just kind of like do one of these this is the absurd jump okay cool it's it's not hard for like just a controller but for this this is not a controller ah you only when you get a fire flower as baby mario you just turn into normal mario it's like just any power up puts you one power up further in like the hierarchy only half of the fire flower's sprite is actually in the game it's mirrored to make a full sprite i didn't know that pretty cool pretty cool but did you know gaming no i don't have any cool facts to astound i'm moving left thank you for actually moving left i was like i'm holding all the way to the left so if after this power up like delay happens i'm moving to the right i'm going to scream and i'm going to break this controller i might still break this controller it's this is really getting bad like my i did not anticipate i knew this was going to hurt but i did not anticipate how much this was going to hurt and i i really want to [ __ ] snap this thing in half i'm not gonna lie this thing is an abomination and does not deserve to exist i'm gonna go for it oh i actually yeah i started off the stream with home and that's the music that summoning salt uses i i didn't even mean to that was not even intentional i just picked it for its nostalgic feel hit me like your nostalgic fear [Music] baby shock me like your electric feel i keep forgetting that that is a thing by the way i'm like squeeze do you do that thing where you like squeeze your thumbs in sometimes when i was younger i would have like fantasies of having like superhuman strength or i would be like you know i need to be careful when doing that because i might break my thumbs like you know you just like squeeze it and it just like pulls it in too far i remember there was a flimsy sink at the elementary school that i went to and uh i was always like man i could just like snap this faucet right off with my bare hands but i'm not gonna i need to be responsible with my superhuman strength so that was the amount of restraint that i had from going all hulk out on the world as a child why am i even doing this this is pointless actually it's literally not pointless you get points for it who okay has anyone ever given a [ __ ] about points except for in a literal arcade like the new super mario bros games they give you the points they show you how many points you have and it's like okay like i'm not steve gaming it's like has anybody ever actually played through mario i mean of course they have uh with the intent of getting a high score you know some systems don't [ __ ] save but they record your high score like i swear mario land on the game boy which is a system that uses batteries by the way it does not you can't just put it on the charger and have it run forever theoretically oh [ __ ] mama it [ __ ] doesn't save your score but it it like it has on the main menu it has like top score but it's like once you turn it off it's going to erase the top score so what the [ __ ] you supposed to like write it down and keep a little like blues clues notepad thank you a little blues clues notepad for uh all the high scores you've ever had because then what's to keep you from lying i might have to come back to this i might have to split this off into another day to do this challenge run because my hands seriously do hurt a lot [Music] and i i don't want to like hurt myself with [ __ ] mario the mother ship it's it's not only physically draining but emotionally too getting a little better at actually controlling it but uh not a lot [Music] i've forgotten about that like 10 times it's because you're running you're running you're running and then you need to stop oh [Music] oh yeah oh this is gonna suck balls [Applause] [Music] this is the last one for tonight if i don't get this i'm done for the night because my eyes that's what's happening with my hands i seriously my thumb is a little bit numb like i can't feel this i need to just wait for a second and just like slap around i seriously can't feel the tip of my thumb still i've like squeezed all the blood out of it and my blood is just like garlic paste it's it's it's all gone it needs like an hour to flow back in there i i have to keep going i have to keep going right it's it's just uh the final attempt final attempt all right it's fine all right that was it that was it that was it that was it that was it that was my last life that's it for today my thumb hurts so much i can't i can't i will come back to this i just turned the controller to look like it looked like jim in the office turning facing directly at the camera can't you hold select to res to restart the world no that's the two player game right i don't think that's a thing write and start nope you hold a and b on the game over screen i don't even know that well next time when my thumb has literally [ __ ] healed up i will do that and we will beat this time for more of this garbage uh i've rested up it's actually been a couple of days and uh while the rest of my hand feels good my thumb is still numb like the hold on this part of my thumb like the padding of my thumb i can't feel it it feels like a little mosquito full of novocaine came and gave my thumb a little kiss it's apparently a symptom of carpal tunnel syndrome i've never had that before i think i i think before i did this whole thing before i made this whole mistake i was like teetering on the brink of carpal tunnel just from like editing all the time i'm tearing on the brink of a lot of things right now actually so i shouldn't have to do a world one one through four two more than once because now i know the trick last stream i was informed and apparently this is a well a commonly unknown trick but you can press uh a and start in order to start from the uh the last world that you died on so you can just it's basically just continues if you know what to do and i realized there's a youtuber named uh a plus start and i wonder if his name is just outright a reference to uh that particular code and i don't think there's any rules against it in like speed runs i mean i think they would just you know the speed run would just not be very good man here right yeah there's a easy joke waiting in the brick so i got i got scrub strats i want to get as many one ups as possible to help me on my way i'm away okay i'm just gonna ride the wind there one strat to de-stress my thumb is i'm using this a button here i rather than the one on the end of the joystick to do that because just the way this thing is constructed it just hides it just heights now it's very possible and even likely that i will uh screw up oh there's one up here then i will screw up and forget to hit start god damn it i forget to hit a and start so just be ready for that i'm gonna go no or i'm gonna have to start over demon jump oh and there's just a little bit left and then there's the [ __ ] like getting over it portion of the level [Music] no pressure ah that was bad i i just couldn't once i walked off that block you can't correct your momentum very quickly in this game that was like a cancelled yahoo it was like the very beginning of it yeah but then the who never came oh [ __ ] ah i thought i was gonna go down the first pit this [ __ ] jump right here okay made it barely you can tell when you're gonna make it or not the the pain is setting in already this is the first time i've really hurt for a video next time it will be i'll have to bleed it'll be a bloodborne speedrun and i'll have to really bleed on camera do you want my blood take my blood it's like i've heard people talk about experiencing soreness from bad game controllers before but i've never had that until now i second guessed myself and that was that's gonna be the death of me because i need to do this in a certain amount of time die die oh my god i suck okay yeah i can survive oh he started rushing at me did you see that they do that apparently okay that's wonderful just wonderful it's like do i even want to go for the [ __ ] mushroom or do i just want to try to jump over these guys [Music] boeing okay now the getting over part getting over it with mario yeah yeah yeah it's just so stressful any move could be misinput also that piranha plant just vanished i can't i'm not going to do the wall jump i know the exact wall jump yeah i'm talking about nope i'm getting the block all right is the piranha plant gonna come out and murder me jesus christ okay this is the last screen i'm probably gonna die to bowser or this hammer bro okay okay wow i was really not expecting that hammer to hit me welp all the way back to the start of the level [Music] there's one hammer bro and then there's bowser boing boing that was an interesting trick also this would have been a cakewalk if i had the fire flower by the way just want to say oh that was that was a bad fish moment that was like a zelda 2 fish moment actually [ __ ] zelda 2 probably has those dumb fish enemies because of mario bros cheap jeeps you know bloopers actually recorded this [Music] song all right fireball go [Music] alright one more attempt will i get hit by the fireball though is my question i just couldn't jump in that tiny window this [ __ ] thing is not very reliable all right back to eight one [Music] oh i instantly did it yeah last stream uh nobody actually said a and start but i got recommended just about every other combination of buttons that is possible on an nes controller there seems to be some confusion as to what the actual code is but i can confirm it is a and start i know there must be some kind of strategy to it or it's like you react to like you like see the hammers and you react or something i don't know how speedrunners [ __ ] do that [ __ ] because i think bowser's hammers are random oh [ __ ] slick yeah i guess right they the speedrunners are so consistent that they always enter on the right frame to get good hammer rng right i think i have heard that actually thank you chad uh my thumb does not feel good by the way i don't feel good i do wish i i know i'm being calm about it but i do wish that it had just ended like that i just got it on my first attempt by the way some pretty mind-blowing [ __ ] my jaw hit the [ __ ] floor when i learned that this was a thing but there is there are special conditions for certain secret one-up blocks appearing in the game like that one if you get hurt on this level it won't show up anymore [Music] i did not know that for the longest time it's this part oh yeah [Music] wait boing [ __ ] finna boing i can't believe i did that with the stupid controller i don't like when they jump all the way down you know sometimes they jump all the way down they'll be at the top and they'll jump all the way down least favorite thing all right if i can maintain this fire flower the whole time and get it past the fireball before bowser then uh then i think i'm in the clear but that is not a guarantee in the slightest uh it's a very bad position to be in [Music] i win i win i win i win i win i win i win i win i win i win i win i win i win i even did the glitch where the axe doesn't go away suck my dick game all right how are we breaking this thing how the [ __ ] are we breaking this thing we breaking this thing straight away take it out take it out i so i was talking last time about how i thought i had like super strength all right as a kid this is gonna be the real test this is like the sink i've been thinking real hard about how i'm gonna break this thing i think i'm gonna do like a like that like a pull [Music] don't break it it's an antique huh this thing is an affront to nature all right this thing does not deserve to live i i will destroy it more after this and i'll take video of it but my webcam is not set up to go outside with a hammer right now all right all right here goes i'm going to try it i don't have super strength i'm not the hulk come on bring your piece of [ __ ] yeah it's done it's done beaten so uh thank you for joining me on this wonderful journey uh maybe maybe with later mario games i will uh do it with like a power glove or whatever i won't break a power glove i wouldn't do that but this piece of [ __ ] oh oh hey a washer fell out guys that's my reward i got the special coin [Music] you could probably just stick this in here and still use it why would you ever want to though i will provide video of me destroying this [ __ ] thing permanently all right well uh it's two days after mario's 35th anniversary and i got the mothership here i got my hammer and i'm gonna just kind of let this all over this thing so here goes all right plug your [Music] happy ears mario yeah i'm right 35 years that's fine did you get all that all right well it's dead i killed it these are the remains the joystick got directly beamed there there's nothing left okay there's something left this box still has all the [ __ ] like important due to temperatures extreme temperatures encountered in shipping it's necessary to allow your joystick to sit upright in room to it'll probably be fine i should have lit this thing on fire let's go now to community health tips listeners are you suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome are you enjoying carpal tunnel syndrome are you surprised by carpal tunnel syndrome are you enraged by carpal tunnel syndrome do you feel a throbbing sadness that you almost cannot stand from carpal tunnel syndrome do you feel a bounty of love and appreciation for your fellow human beings traveling through this confusing and finite lifetime with you from carpal tunnel syndrome do you get sexually aroused by carpal tunnel syndrome how how

Channel: grayfruit

Views: 194,800

Rating: 4.9589195 out of 5

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Id: Cs7JqMn8mEw

Length: 43min 57sec (2637 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 06 2020