Tumblr Posts For Your Inner Eldritch Teletubby (r/tumblr)

you heard of elf on a shelf but brace yourself for it caillou in the swamp welcome back you loved degeneres today we're doing some more tumblr it's like a part two to the one i released like a month ago so so go check both of them out and yeah gotta get these things out of the way today i learned iguanas can voluntarily stop their hearts for up to 45 minutes to avoid sonic detection by sharks cool why are shark to the guadalus any where near each other in the first place so barely merida guadals are a thing just learning something new i guess every time i feed my cat i think of who will j dinner it is my cat okay so uh this pose is actually incomprehensible isn't it um this is uh here i'll just uh meme uh who booga dinner it is my cat this is one this is the image what the [ __ ] yes so uh adding the image only made it less comprehensible you have to stroke my dude dinner hey uh what happened to the weeb girls lusting after yowie they became kpop fans you ever just like see a post that just looks like someone's swinging a bat at a hornet's nest you know banner snatch sounds like british slang for [ __ ] and yet family friendly disney still hired him to play dr what a description this post is like getting smacked in the face twice does a weak piece collapses and dies yeah so uh this pose is just the bottom version of this tweet it's a [ __ ] drill tweet so long suckers i rev up my motorcycle and create a huge cloud of smoke when the cloud dissipates i'm lying completely dead on the pavement so my therapist is selling her house so i'm gonna find the listing online and make her living room my zoom background before our next session you wanna get in my head okay well i'm in your home babe i've been charged now [Laughter] yeah yeah i see why you're in therapy me holding a gun to a mushroom tell me tell me the name of god you fungal piece of sh mushroom and you feel your heart burning can you feel the struggle within the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make you cannot kill me in a way that matters i'm not [ __ ] scared of you hey lp what the [ __ ] does this mean decay exists as an extent form of life that's a that's a terrifying answer haven't i said [Laughter] all right so like don't get me wrong but like axolotls are adorable and deserve the love but i don't see enough attention for their freaky cave hermit cousins the um see we got your regular like you know axolotl here he's just a friend comes in pastel and goth oh whoa rightfully popular but his head is empty and then we got the om all knowing no face no worries noodle big head tiny arms cave secrets like if you think the woman on the right is just as beautiful as the woman on the left look at the um look at them god i just i love cheating if you don't cheat what the hell is wrong with you yeah you're a ben cheetah dog oh [ __ ] wait hold on i forgot some people are in relationships to clarify i love to violate academic integrity on exams all right so uh hey tumblr i have a question how how do you be an adult you gotta own a briefcase and then [ __ ] it what the briefcase you gotta [ __ ] the briefcase you gotta open that bad boy up and slam it on yourself make sure to soil that felt interior jesus christ top hats imply the existence of a bottom hat cat ear [Laughter] why would you say something so controversial get so brave how do you think insults feel when they come to this website and see women wanting to [ __ ] junkrat or pennywise but not them i read this in a very accusatory tone honestly this is my favorite addition to this post because we read it as being accusatory it becomes hilarious that's sad let's give another shot and see what it sounds how do you think incels feel when they come to this website you see women wanting to [ __ ] junkrat and pennywise but not them for some reason my grandpa is always making fun of all people he sees like like he's not 85 he goes wow today was old folks day in olive garden well i mean like yeah grandpa that's why we brought you there at 4 30 p.m united states average jeans color burst state 2018 okay so like how the [ __ ] do you even get data like this so you know if you uh if you click through this source which is reddit you can see that in many cases you don't need any data at all you could just read a population map and delete your account when people ask for a source [Laughter] oh no so my super religious and republican family member finally unfriended me on facebook and i was trying to figure out which post really put her over the edge and i think i figured out which one it might be in this house we stand for the flag and [Laughter] how to start discourse insert favorite character is a insert harry potter house sonic is a power bottom hell i don't think that said it starts discord so much as ends any conversation before so okay um my nephew who's like 11 or 12 is playing 5d chess with multiverse time travel which is exactly what it says on the tin and i have never been more terrified of the youth of today like here's a simple picture from the steam page what what the hell is this are you with a nephew you could not possibly understand this i feel like knowing the word yannick the vaginal equivalent of phallic really changes a person because after that point basically any shape or object can be classified as genital shape eyes ionic symbolism fingers phallic symbolism that's all there is poking yourself in the eye a cunning symbol of sexual intercourse exactly might i add a ionic thing you might not have and yet you did [Laughter] entirely [Laughter] no you may certainly not so like nature documentaries but the narration is just weird enough to make you question it some fish can walk out of water so remember that next time you might think you're safe but horses are omnivore please watch the round plan on netflix it's it's exactly like that they look like haunted mushrooms a group of jellyfishes called a swarm or a smack which is probably what the scientist who named them was on they've survived for 600 million years without a brain a ray of hope for some of my bbc college jesus christ damn dude [ __ ] flaming them like that they can't even defend themselves company policies we no longer accept the doctor's notice group of sickness if you're able to go to the doctor you're able to come to work what kind of [ __ ] dystopian hellscape are we living in jesus christ each employee will receive 104 personal days a year they're called oh go [ __ ] yourself [ __ ] you vacation days all employees will take their vacations at the same time every year vacation days are as follows seriously these could land on like a january july and december like although those days can land on saturdays and sundays bruh also only five don't [ __ ] yourself management jesus christ hey uh the workers would like to update their policy [Laughter] hey yeah that sound like super super super illegal by the way what the the guillotine no no the sick date thing guilty chad is never illegal guillotine chan is never illegal standing up and blacking out for a few seconds is just transitioning from a cut scene to the actual gameplay um you [ __ ] need to eat salt is what that means the best gorilla joke of 1897 gorilla did you hear about the gorilla who escaped from the zoo zookeeper no no i no i did not that is because i'm a quiet gorilla muffled sounds of gorilla violence the people in 1897 were mentally in 2030. see the internet just propelled the art of posting it already existed in newspapers and it just took it from the newspaper editors seized the means of posting it gave it to the people hey i mean like [ __ ] pay us maybe food do millennials even eat food like contradictory studies claim they're shopping for fewer groceries but also dining out less do they even consume the sustenance are great corporate overlords have given us the golden arches have blessed you all with dollar cheeseburgers did you deny his sustenance open your mouth and receive the gifts of the rotted oh my god why am i doing that you know this is such a weird way of phrasing millennials go hungry because the financial crisis we caused why then do they not eat cake guillotine chan is never illegal so for the sake of conversation over the summer pfizer equals gryffindor modernity equals ravenclaw j j equals slytherin go [ __ ] yourself astrazetica equals hufflepuff anti-vaxxers equal muggles i i want to die god tests me every day i am not a cyberbully i am not a cyberbully i am not a cyberbully imagine an internet ransom note where instead of magazine letters it's just a bunch of jpegs of letters found on google we have your son [Laughter] while these [ __ ] are dancing me oh wow this shop has everything my heart desires spooky shopkeeper yes i will warn you every item comes with a price yes i know how shops work spooky shopkeeper the price may be more than you expect to pay yes i i know how u.s taxes work too shopkeeper increasingly exasperated i'm i'm trying to tell you that i'm evil and offering these wares with no regards for the harm they will do me also increasingly exasperated yes i i know what capitalism is too god damn it writing prompts the year is 2040 and you're the last smoker alive the quit smoking ads get personal you walk into times square a giant billboard lights up reading hey the hot barista you facebook stock doesn't like smokers you walk back into the subway and go home hey so uh do not americans know that sometimes you'll just see life-like human testicles hanging off the back of people's trucks hey not american here i wish i didn't learn english they're called truck nuts to my european comrades they dangle off your trailer hitch and sway and wiggle in the wind like a majestic scottish man in a kilt this wind-powered cargo ship is set to change the way we ship the goods across the oceans the model is very practical and is looking at a possible launch in 2024 wind powered ships what a time to be alive we really are in the future my boss who is a grown woman with children my age just whispered oh this is gonna be so [ __ ] efficient before spraying febreze directly into the ceiling fan and proceeding to cough her guts out when it blew back in her face me you know the cysts are all like but will children get confused but every interaction i've ever had with a child who didn't know what to call me has gone verbatim like this why are you wearing a dress because i'm a girl okay you like minecraft see kids are very busy and have got much more important things to worry about such as for instance minecraft the council of elder tubbies [Applause] [Music] and po what's the singular version of teletubbies like is it teletubby like is it with a y or is it ie like or they just teletubs no because it's still plural teletub [ __ ] you know i'm not a turf but i do believe in their beliefs you know this this site is genuinely breathtaking sometimes i am not count olaf count olaf said hey welcome back got some good news some good news and some bad news the first good news is i'm gonna try to be moving into three videos a week coming real damn soon second good news there'll be a trailer for the minion special in july the bad news the minion special probably won't be released until this halloween anyways be sure to like comment subscribe do all that jazz check out my twitter and uh you know go join my discord anyways see y'all next time

Channel: Oz Media

Views: 531,448

Keywords: comedy, cursed memes, eldritch teletubbies, funny, funny tumblr, me irl, meIRL, me_irl, meme, memes, oz media, oz media r/tumblr, r/tumblr, reddit, reddit cringe, reddit stories, satire, tumblr, tumblr oz, tumblr oz media, tumblr posts

Id: NTASCIoGgZE

Length: 16min 50sec (1010 seconds)

Published: Wed May 26 2021