r/Tinder | in the mood for bacon ;)

fred is 18 years old he's less than a mile away let's split up gang you and I could check out the bedroom [Music] what's up guys and welcome back to MA my name is Damian and today we're looking through our slash tinder if you were fruit you'd be a fine Apple ah if you were a vegetable I'd visit you in the hospital every night that's kind of romantic Thanks thanks Kate I've got to know how many pickup lines you get with the name destiny yeah I have heard a few let's see what you got well I hope you're okay with an average guy because my be as tiny I like that actually that's funny what made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing well when I found out they liked me back not interested in someone with poor judgment nice is it cool but just call you Maddie for now I'll give you a son later oh don't say that don't say that don't make promises you can't keep button how are you I'm good that's good yeah you're a cutie by the way Thanks you're welcome so are you just it'll be kind of odd calling you Addie why well it'll be so somewhat of what you call me damn I respect that yeah you and me both that's a solid line question just how quickly can you say the alphabet backwards oh well roughly as fast as I can say it forwards I'm not that fast with other things though oh do tell more I'm slow thanks thanks for the clarification bud merry Squidward screw Patrick and kill spongebob huh I hear someone marries Squidward you're unique so you ask everyone that huh well if you count my handful of friends as everyone then yeah I guess so nice see must kill squirt cuz he's a jerk screw Patrick cuz he's dummy thick and merry sponged up cuz he has the biggest heart but you you must be drawn to the narcissism of Squidward no no no I'm drawn to Squidward cuz if it's dongs as big as his nose boy I'm winning yeah you think so hope the clarinets them the only thing he plays B is 22 manager at Timberland every girl's a squirter if you cut the right artery and that's a fact jack taking that one of your friends mash with a cute dudn't thought his bio was a joke maybe not let's match it and never speak again hi have you playing wild classic or as overwatch initely a blizzard game you play do you like PC games or a mainly a ps4 player I want a ps4 overtime a to keep it up with console games it's a shame shouldn't have trusted the bio baby that's where you went downhill my dude do you always wear glasses well not when I take him off to people that wear glasses shagging them that's really what I'm getting at obviously not fussed about showering or sleeping good I'd take him off I wear them all asleep though as my dreams are blurry valid no one wants blurry dreams I know can't wait for next year though my vision should be perfect Annette because you're getting laser eye surgery no because it's 2020 dude wait does that mean that off to wear contacts then do I get to take my contacts out at 2020 bro that's a game-changer Blaze's 28 did the girls over 30 I'm an anesthesiologist looking to start a family to the girls under 30 I'm hung and breed Labrador pups nice nice and he works at Black Mesa wow this guy's a scientist what's he building what if he's got cake they're starting to think you might like wine now I hate it well you suck at hating things Sandra I'm trying to build character by surrounding myself with things I despise and that's why I own so many mirrors did you hear the rumor about the butter okay that was a yes or no question um okay ask me again did you hear the rumor about the butter okay not see just say yes or no if you say yes then it'll be all over but if you say no I can do this one liner why are you saying okay you're just creating an awkward pause where there shouldn't be an awkward pause ma'am Constance is 22 and just because you're trash doesn't mean you can't do great things it's called a garbage can not a garbage cannot and that's the only Constance and life Maude girl Charlotte's 19 and she's taking a picture with bread a she wacky that's a super light for me chief so would you prefer a classic tinder pickup line of the more modest hey how's it going now hit me with the classic too many guys are modest extra points if you make me laugh okay if you were a chicken you'd be impeccable that made my night so what are you plans tonight then I'm gonna go into town and ruffle a few feathers Oh sounds like I may be the chick for you hey glad you come out of your shell we might just be birds of a feather I'll stop being an egg well if you're a chicken and I'm an egg do we need to start having a conversation about who's going to come first damn by the beard of Zeus that was smooth it really was he had that lined up dude calculated that one-liner holy hell bud hey she was a topic and I'll give you a pick-up line penguins well you could call me Club Penguin cuz I'll go down on you ladies have you ever said F the police well now's your chance that's a fantastic start I like that bio we're 45 miles away I got to make an appointment damn D in a favorite place Costa Rica but they'll probably drop to a second after I visited your place damn that was smooth don't worry it gets rough does it really yeah safewords lamborghini isn't that a bit too long I'd be saying that once I drop my pants how are you this smooth but eventually don't even worry about it I am talking straight head to toe in Vaseline you've got two hours think of the best pick-up line a year unmatched oh really because you have two hours think of the solution to the devastating crisis in Crimea that has greatly affected the Ukraine and Russian economy and how to fix a resolve the crisis war and layin disputes into the Black Sea that both countries want control over clock's ticking okay clean slate how many second graders do you think you can fight off at once can you repeat that last sentence again now it's not gonna change you have to answer it like theoretically if you had to well I'll use a classic tornado punch to take a few out after motion sickness kicks in I'll puke on a few more and disable a few of them to finish off the round I'll throw insults like Santa's not real and your mom and dad got a divorce because of you and crying kids are easier to take out and the ones who are dead set on killing you Blanche is 24 and she's 844 Oh actually 77 don't know why it says 24 divorced three times nine kids my biggest accomplishment will be making it through our first date without dropping the f-bomb why are you this way my mom 10 to the 10 would not do again my ex stop telling people we met in rehab you please don't be a tiny serial killer me my English on dad why did I laugh because it's hilarious thanks dad okay let's not keep this whole dad thing going it's gonna get a bit weird also sorry if my english is not great it already is well damn guess I'm your dad now oh no please don't well finish your vegetables and go clean your room you little rascal but Dad gosh I love doing taxes you know please stop don't be rude damn girl I think the only got for you is me I've never been huge on the name buns but some of them do get me that's a solid one that's cute I like that one so my throwing down money for half a baby or what yeah we gonna Dalton Ethiopian kid no you're gonna put one in me hi baby I can do that as I get the Ethiopian kid crayon that little rascal right up in there and you're welcome looking for a flower for our little garden and bye flower we mean person and bye garden we mean threesome hit us up if interested I feel like a kid again because imagining with you is like finding a prize and a happy meal that's funny cuz I'm more like a Big Mac you'll like it when you're eating me but afterwards you'll feel a little gross my bio said I hope you like bad girls cuz I'm bad at everything what are you mostly bad at really everything well is there anything you're good at like giving head maybe no not really that's something I suck the most at get it I get it imagine finding a girl you both swipe right and get on great you spend time together start seeing each other then introduce yourself to your family your family lover and even your grand who hates every girl you see in case she takes you away from her she soon becomes a big part of your life and then you marry her have children and live happily ever after that girl isn't me but I'll let you do me in the butt until you do find her thanks Charlotte yo yo just like my name I want you to have me bouncing up and down whoa that's very direct yo yo not even a Hello yours getting straight to business hello never mind I sorry I jacked off and immediately lost interest in talking to woman hey again for miles since she was trying to get into area 51 and mine said to swipe ride to get roasted I definitely want to be like gently roasted please you know with a forehead that big I figured you were trying to escape her if you want to not get into it all right chief hey oh hey how dark here are we talking here well dead baby jokes are a good one okay so like do you know why orphans can't play baseball that's cuz they don't know our home is yes like that well I think I get along very well then dark jokes like kids with cancer they never get old oh my god I like you already only that is this the Krusty Krab No this is Patrick I think we're gonna get along well hello how are you today also way this is gonna sound weird but did you have a car catch on fire maybe a month or two ago cuz a car caught on fire in front of my house and the owner of the car looked like you a lot that may or may not have been me why does this look like someone cosplaying Justin Wang the mustache is what selled it for me I love Justin Justin's a great guy but damn that mustache Justin you got some competition brother just Sandra's 20 years old I'm on tinder for marriage Arya Arya Arya you want to explain how you're walking on water Cassandra what's wrong with mayo on burgers look my wanting to eat something butter white and creamy I'd be in the dudes also I just don't like the taste which is the main reason if I'm being honest I just choked on my water that's better than choking on mail I mean you're not wrong Melody's 24 and she was breaking up with her Japanese boyfriend he just didn't seem to get it it was like he had to drop the bomb twice where he got the message oh I see Thanks what's the best thing you can cook meth I mean hey that's pretty honorable going dude get your bag King get your bag I'm in the military thanks not specific enough sorry my cousin and I say that the military oh you meant like thank you for your service no sarcastic thanks well thank you for your services just a little too formal but I will say it next time if you're into that I would rather you say thanks daddy but we can work out the kinks later 100% would rather say that as well God we're on the same page was that a pun you just punned at me indeed he did what are you gonna do about it what are you gonna do about it not a damn thing and you want to hear a joke about communism hey well communism isn't funny it killed millions of people I don't appreciate your style of humor and would appreciate it if you just don't match me now all right I agree it's not funny unless everyone gets it Oh so my sister's name is your name meaning if it's okay with you I'll have the mone on a different name while my dad's name is blank so I'll just stick with moaning that name wait hold on what give me a sec you here tinder girls on their bio I'm not here for hookups tinder girls on the first date I'm mooster than an oyster how about you stay away from me listen I might have a needle dong but I screw like a sewing machine I like that that's confidence her bio was I bet you can't pronounce my name well I'm not gonna lie you're cute and I kind of will put my dong in yet Wow well done all right he did it he did it opposites attract ain't that the truth explains why I attract a-holes ooh ouch you like this a whole space I do indeed liking it up to hopefully sit on it one day I mean it's very cute I would be honored jen is 32 and she just wants to find someone more disappointing than her so her mom won't question her parenting abilities for a brief moment got them all men are pigs and I'm in the mood for bacon hello there hi if you're real say potato potato all right you passed all my tests pretty high-tech security system you have in place yeah my firewalls pretty out of date let's way too many red flags through man sounds like you need to invest in Norton or something oh that's way too good of an idea maybe I could do password protection what's the password potato dollar sign number nine okay incorrect you have two more tries for you locked up selected password hint okay this literally always happens to me yes I need a hint it's in the format of your number got it got it scored it score to the number on something you know a surprising amount about that most people don't propane and propane accessories nice why propane it really lights my fire how about you aerial branch's random facts and stuff mostly hit me well people on average have spent six months waiting for red lights to turn green that's sad that's six months you could spend making a neat and delicious steak on a clean-burning propane grill think Hank Hill moans out propane listen I hope you have pet insurance because I want to destroy your kitty well I hope you have pet insurance cuz you're a freaking dog don't set your radius to a hundred miles boys hey what's up why did the good ones have to be so far away I'm sorry it wasn't ever meant to be Sonya's 19 and her family's trying to send her off to rehab because she's still our cousin's prosthetic leg and sold it to a scrap yard for alcohol hey he owed her some money anyway uh hell yeah what's up Rex not much you ever imagine with a dinosaur before no but it's quite exciting to be honest man what time are you from I listen up from the past but I can be your future Rex ah Jennifer's nineteen hi I'm Jennifer I suck at riding horses so I ride Wiener hey not bad not bad seems like the horse wasn't able to do it either the horse collapse you sure it's your fault good morning Blanc I just moved here a couple months ago and I know no one so friends would be nice wait get Abby on Instagram with cleaning my tinder snapchat I'm one of those annoying people that don't use any social media unless snap counts no sorry my snaps are close friends no problem you can just text me if you want oh sorry I my phone numbers for family work and other important stuff okay do you have an address of PL box I can write you letters I'm trying to make this work with you okay but if you're real say potatoes hey you're the first who sent me a message on tinder I'm sure you can do a better first approach say it potato by the way what are you looking for on here I'm not looking for serious stuff I'm looking for girls who say potato there Shannon Ryan with Kannon sorry for the shenanigans it's spelled shenanigans but you did your best oh you're no fun Shannon you're boring hey so I have a master and he wants me to make a video with another guy and I'm wondering if he'd be down depends on what it entails he'd want you to poop on my face probably beat the hell out of me okay that's gonna be a hard no okay smart and pretty today is my lucky day don't worry I'm less of both in person just how I like it dumb ugly and that brings the end of our / tinder and if you liked the video leave a like down below and subscribe for more content from m'kay I'm sorry I'm so stuffed up in this video I I'm like sick or something I promise I'll be better soon maybe hopefully until next time I'll be seeing you [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 1,579,195

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, r/tinder, r/tinder best posts, r/tinder top posts, tinder, reddit tinder, tinder reading, reddit tinder reading, tinder best posts, tinder top posts, r/tinder reading, r/tinder reactions, tinder reactions, r/tinder emkay, tinder emkay, reddit funny, emkay

Id: XzE0up9yuz0

Length: 14min 49sec (889 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 22 2019