r/Tinder | force choke me

i just want your numbers so i can be calling you every night yep that's it you're the one it was love at first sight or i guess not sight no it was i don't know [Music] how's it going ladies and gentlemen welcome back to mk i'm your host robin the one with a cold and today we're going to be taking a look at r slash tinder this is one of my personal favorites i get to feel better about myself for once let's get in there i'm all about the power moves if i put a wig on do you think they'd let me play on your team i vote yes we have a wig party tonight so you'll fit right in i'm six foot six so i usually stand out in the crowd i'm six foot two so we'll find a way and you're a volleyball player so that's basically my weakness i think we should get married tomorrow it's on 4 20 and our 50th anniversary will be for 2069 oh my god that's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me so did you did you get married or what because this is incredibly important yo i'm getting my vaccination right now hey can't wait to get mine they're not vaccinating people as young as me but i have asthma so i'm at risk i guess i heard they're vaccinating the cutest guys first that's why i was last i like your eyes thanks i got them for my birthday carl aged 18. bad at tindering good at fingering six foot five oh that height thing always kills me when you get rejected and try to play it off cool hey i've liked you for a while and i was just wondering if you'd like to go out with me no sorry my cat ran across my keyboard are you kidding me that's the best rejection ever i've been rejected plenty of times in my life and no one has ever just said nah they always go into detail about why i'm gross did i do something wrong kinda can you enlighten me so that i can fix it before i talk to someone else listen dude you're a really cool guy but you're just really ugly wtf why did you add confetti i just thought it would make you feel better hey how tall are you yeah what's the size of your breasts we're gonna play that game i'm gonna play it mean can i treat you like a snow storm give you six to seven inches make it mildly inconvenient for you to walk and leave a mushy mess afterwards six to seven inches sure bud oh my god do you have any idea how long i've been waiting for the pickup lines to happen everyone just acts like they genuinely want to get to know me and i have nothing to screenshot for my friends to laugh at i am so happy right now you must be an astromech droid because you are too good looking and if you're lucky you might get the d2 oh damn now that is a good one 10 out of 10. can we get an applause sound effect in here good on you my grandpa served in germany during world war ii he taught me an important phrase in code talk seagull echo nebraska desmond nebraska utah desmond echo seagull said it would save a life someday i'm dead yeah so is he doggo age 26 that's an old dog if you're into bad boys swipe left because i'm a good boy god i hate tinder day five of pretending to be a dolphin trainer on tinder so far nobody has questioned how i train a saltwater mammal in missouri i'm sure some people have dory oh boy p sherman 42 wallaby way sydney yep there it is poor dory my ex said i'd never find a girl like her but in 2018 finding a makeup artist with a septum ring a daddy kink and abandonment issues that led to cheating is relatively easy i always love people saying that you'll never find anybody like me yeah god i hope not do you like to give oral of course do you no what do you like to do then get oral okay buddy have fun with that one men i want you to wear some sexy underwear to the date also men it is really weird how we don't give up on our boxer shorts for some reason also ladies for real what the hell do you consider to be sexy underwear for men they don't really make any for us should we start wearing panties like you i don't get it what do you want i'm just looking for a screw and spoon partner fork oh sorry god damn it you idiot girls with 72 plus matches and enough simps to rebuild the soviet union guys swiping right and getting two bots perfectly balanced as all things should be mj don't ask me how many men i had sex with because i won't ask you how many women you had sex with and it doesn't matter anyway the real question is do you have an std alright that one was mega funny i could try to win you over with a recycled pick-up line but that's not me i'm more of a let's meet up for drinks so i can impress you with dad jokes and misplaced confidence i'm pro recycling nice to meet you pro recycling i'm joseph just shot my shot at a cutie i told her to text me when she got home i think that's been homeless bro check out this guy i matched with on tinder he's so handsome and has such a way with words ah harold is adorable likes long waddles around the pond and his favorite food is bread honk do you have a kid that's all i'm confused about yes is it a boy or a girl i have a son does he have any hot wheels oh of course lots of monster trucks as well i want to run one of his hot wheels down your back and ramp it off your ass oh my god so we're at an understanding or [ __ ] we might be [Laughter] and they say romance is dead it ain't dead come on hi hey hey what's up not much wanna bang i'm down wasn't this what the app was truly intended for close one this is gonna sound crazy but i think i bought an ikea chair from you no way i have in fact sold an ikea chair in the past off facebook marketplace the one with black and white stripes oh my god how's my chair doing what made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing when i found out they liked me back not interested in someone with poor judgement yo same dude ah you're sweet what are you up to gary trying to figure out how far 91 miles is well it's two hours if you go like 250 miles per hour you can get here in 10 minutes okay sounds perfect i'm on the way i'll be there in 10. that wasn't the only time i lied to someone about me coming in 10 minutes oh you didn't even make it there yet dude you didn't have to say anything elizabeth 94 yeah i get it i get it chris i'm a single father of three and another one on the way they are my world if you don't have what it takes to help me raise my kids then move aside and let a real woman step up must have your own car preferably a minivan must be able to cook clean and be submissive no taller than 5'5 must be fit have you owned source of income and no kids of your own i'd like to start this off with a little game you can only pick one i can either a compliment you b roast you or c tell you a dad joke let's go with b the roast you look like the kind of guy who busts after three minutes and always says i swear this never happens to me whoa three minutes you think i'm some kind of marathon man have a small ding-dong learn how to go multiple rounds love endless shrimp oh okay want to have a napping competition hell yeah i'm so down what will it be based on length quality speed of falling asleep sorry i just woke up from my nap must have been a good nap i know some of y'all out there are dudes using that snapchat filter that makes you look like a girl and just so you know i will suck your dick don't you dare test me sweetheart hi we're adam and matt not gay we're too cheap to buy tinder gold separately so we decided to split it not gay you'll notice we're both very attractive but unfortunately we're not looking for mmf or other arrangements so if we match let us know which one of us you like and we'll try to get back to you but please understand we're undergoing a surplus of applicants so stay patient can't wait to get to know you not gay important update adam no longer leases a car he bought one so what are we going to do this date this week we can for sure want to go get a beer or something so classy sorry would the madam be available for tea by the [ __ ] polo chords alan screw nudes send me a video of you reading out loud so i know you're not [ __ ] dumb alan's been through a lot i'm sure you're oh sorry alan i've got my eye on you jayquelin i've waited my entire life to use this that's right i'm still pronouncing it in the middle so none of y'all can have a [ __ ] argument about a word okay i have three options a very very wholesome line a much less wholesome line or a way less wholesome line three please i put in a complaint with google maps because they don't have you listed as the best place to eat out nice so glad you didn't pick two it only works if you play guitar well damn now i'm intrigued well shucks tinder only lets me send one pickup line per match guess i'll need your number adorable ah hey how are you doing this fine morning working on school why was that funny and my student research job what are you up to not much just finally got done with school which was absolutely awful oh are you a student too yeah i am although i'm a high school senior not in college oh shoot you're not 35 no i'm actually 18. although i'm into older women so i set my age higher to match with women like you yeah score dude you're in there me puts age at 20 to 30 in distance at 10 miles tinder best i can do is 18 year olds about a thousand miles away promoting their only fans what the heck is there to do in arkansas emily me oh she got a point though i'm not actually single so i shouldn't be on here but you're gorgeous so i had to swipe don't tell on me quite the predicament you found yourself in i hope you delete the app and appreciate your wonderful girlfriend he won't okay now you have to send some type of rhyme to start the conversation man talking to people on tinder has got to be the worst thing in the world you got to jump through hoops like a [ __ ] monkey hey yo check it i'm buying her a necklace but she only shops at tiffany's writing her this rap while i've been having these epiphanies her acrobatics dazzle like one of mahler's symphonies wanna ask her out but she had given me no sympathy and she didn't respond is that your cat that is indeed my cat it's so fluffy i want to put my face in its face except cats don't usually like that so like that but metaphorically my cat is a sweet angel who'd never hurt a soul i also like putting my face in [ __ ] look at how much we have in common honestly even though that was kind of gross it was also kind of smooth i'm embarrassed to say that the line absolutely just worked on me i risked it all worth it hey i heard a rumor that you're actually five foot eight my mom scheduled my doctor's appointments until i was 25 and you think i'd have the balls to show up to a date knowing damn sure i'm five inches shorter than advertised it's a fair point sith lord tinder you were the chosen one you were supposed to improve my self-esteem not lower it you think tinder was made to improve your self-esteem that's your fault i went to the hardware store today say this tool called an icebreaker okay i went to the hardware store today too got myself a stud finder glad to see it's working so how tall is too tall well i'm five foot two so anything over five foot ten is too tall damn i'm six foot five i've dated women shorter than you though i do appreciate you being there for the short kings jesus that is insanely tall i'll be honest this is the first time it hasn't worked in my favor someday you'll meet that amazing person who just gets you and they won't text you back either thanks thelma thank you so much if kobat doesn't take you out can i i'm vaccinated it was worth a shot whoa that threw me i'll throw you around too if you give me the chance all right hey do you know if the five second rule applies to soup this is very urgent it does slurp it up use a straw for better suction it worked that was arielle close one lmfao i've never had a joke made with my name freaking gold really i'm a big [ __ ] so you can wear my hoodies i may not go down in history but i'll go down on you tattoos okay dating is a pain in the ass anyway if it wasn't because i paid for the app for a few months i would just delete it ouch have you ever had premium tinder and i have it currently how is it unlimited likes and endless disappointment yep that should be their tagline i want you to sit on my face while i pleasure you with the best towns in the game very straightforward but you spelled tongue wrong are you autistic i am i wish i was have you considered getting vaccinated worked for me i will try that i don't know if it worked you'll start having a really positive opinion of trains that makes sense i'm currently neutral to trains do you know why they call me autumn why because summer always comes before i do very true not sure if you didn't understand the joke or if you're confident in my abilities take a guess friend you're single right and i'm single too you know what that means we're ugly the motion is we should go out on a date you go for i'll go against sure we should go on a date because i'm awesome no arguments from my end there are no reasons why we shouldn't go out on a date you win and that was an interesting conversation to read wow you're kind of cute you're you're ah holy god all right let's take a look at this one pick one cheesy pickup line custom poem generic hey recipe poem about our wedding day what a nice non-ironic ask subject matter is adorable so here she stands waiting her heart beats fast elegant nature of this day here at last nothing about it wrong sunny skies no overcast dressed perfectly beautiful about to face the mast nearby counting steps just to pass the time under humble pressure writing vows memorizing lines dressed arguably better suit and time to the nines excitingly thinking of the day it's perfect 10 out of 10 a dime so now it starts he takes his place among his closest friends just as soon as she walks the aisle to beautiful to comprehend every man and woman looks her way smiling end to end no one except her saw his tear marrying his best friend no day's perfect but it was close adventure started now a million smiles ahead and more happiness somehow and there we go a sonnet thingy well hot damn i was not expecting that look at you well if you like surprises wait till you read the first letter of each line oh wait hold on what ah okay if only it ended there that was astonishing i'm gagged first letter of each word in my message right before the poem stop how why i wanna die first letter of the second word in each line i quit you deserve it add it dude what and just like that we've come to the end of another fantastic video folks but before we get going let's take a look at today's fan art this is my first time posting here and i'm not very good at drawing hands you did a fantastic job though let's be real drawing hands is the worst thing to have to draw okay maybe it's not the worst but it's definitely in the top five always remember if you even somewhat enjoyed today's video consider dropping a like down below and if you really enjoyed it well then make sure to get yourself subscribed and click that bell icon and if you're feeling super generous why not check out my links in the description down below and until next time i'll catch you later

Channel: EmKay

Views: 496,699

Rating: 4.9777923 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, Tinder

Id: g-YJz4dCcfc

Length: 14min 40sec (880 seconds)

Published: Sat May 08 2021