r/Tinder | THE ULTIMATE CHAD

not to brag but I play a couple instruments myself toe what do you play I'm a percussionist I play mostly the dashboard and the inner thigh gotta go wait no come on Kali what's up guys and welcome back to MA my name is Damian today were looking through our slash tinder I just noticed your name is an anagram for the word of Meijer which means when you find something pleasant or attractive to look at you admire it isn't that admire I was gonna give you the D later and that's ten points to tinder guy I mean I've always wanted to live out my Gray's Anatomy fantasy it's very feasible you know if you're interested I think the fact that I'm getting insanely turned on right now is a sign I'm interested okay perfect night is better when are you on or you know you can always page otherwise also you're hot I'm some two beers but you're objectively very hot so thank you you're welcome she referred to herself as a small to be Asian in her bio and the rest just fell into place never knew how badly I wanted a small titty asian GF until now I gotta get me Sami that this frickin guarantees you a date you imagine with Cassandra and she's got to say hey babe say porcupine if you're real porcupine say porcupine if you want to smash me porcupine porcupine hope you like a nice micro penis um I bet I can scare you off in two words try me I'm bald hey it worked up now wanna know hey it's two bears waving at each other I can barely contain how much I like this so far yeah you gif could have been polarizing I'm still on the fence about yours oh now you're trying to make waves just seeing if I can shake things up a bit yes certainly making a splash I feel like I should come over because the grass looks greener over there only if you ban naked I'll be naked but you'll have to bear with me I'm already soaking wet will you be my bare naked lady I'll be a honey I'll be a poo bear you know even if you waved me off later this is still the best pun exchange I've been a part of same definitely our / tinder material I never thought I'd make it I'll let you have the Karma if you'd like then Oh a gentleman of course m'lady I smell like beef I'm a vegetarian I smell like beef substitute nice you match with Tyler I hope you're not offended if I say you look like you give amazing [ __ ] that's funny I thought the exact same thing when I saw your picture hell yeah get him Tyler go get him Tyler well I've always wanted to be a teacher's pet you have to impress me first not to brag but I read it a ninth grade level and almost always stay in the lines mmm not bad you're slowly working your way up to one of my favorites I've also got access to have many apples but the thing is I actually like sweets that could be arranged I've got quite a bit of ice cream if you'd like to come over sometime just trying to help you live your best life blank I'm already living it at your house though it's actually a very tasteful box downtown don't worry though I recently reinforced the sides what does this mean I'm very passionate about the environment so I'm trying to lower my carbon footprint I think it's our responsibility to set a better standard for coming generations but how do it's a literal box no heating no cooling occasional cat visitor come see it sometime like homeless Age 2019 blank we don't home shame anymore hmm it's a question forgot to add the question mark our questions a lot in 2019 oh wow but I have to be honest this was all a clever ruse I live in a normal apartment it was my hope that through the magic of satire I could show you how one should keep an open mind about another person so none that we've all learned a lesson would you like to come over for that ice cream sometime I don't want your old ice cream in your normal apartment asked me out on a date for sure would you like to go downtown I know this great spot okay where would that be a literal box based on my calculations you look cute as Frick your calculator is missing a subtraction sign there's nothing I'd take away from that statement crap that was good lmao came across this what a chat minja 28 six-foot one but it's tender so I'm gonna go with six-foot four since everything is bigger online I'm also about 280 pounds not here for real hookups blah blah blah real man blah blah blah Huff gone balls deep and a handful of females with such profiles you next my fur kid come first every mom on tinder I have an exes lips tattooed on my inner arm which shows you how wild and impulsive I am nice guys finish last bad boys finish on a face no way such a d-bag I am I really want to get a bj what's that have you ever given head what does that mean have you ever sucked a guy's wiener what is that have you ever smashed I've never heard of that word before in my entire life you match with oil on 5:30 19 cent Croods has cute photos that show her whole body has interesting bio and seems like an overall fun person has cash up at the end of bio what has cash up at the end of bio wrap it up boys drunk huh don't tell the cops I already did sad not the people I wanted handcuffed me tonight oh my god yeah my dad was really excited for a dungeon time tonight Thanks how's your day been bored spend the day petting my kitty your petting your cat mm-hmm it's so wet did your cat fall in the water I'm fondling myself I'm playing with my coochie so you're telling me there's no cat I wish we could go to a movie together but they won't let me bring my own snack don't get it twisted Ben I am the whole bang meal dang I like it I mean honestly true though so I'm definitely not sneaking you into a movie in my pocket you're putting me on the countertop and eating me deal in the future when you're my wife and I die I want you to mix my ashes up in a spicy chili and eat it just so I can tear that butt up one last time someday when I am your wife and you die I'll mix your ashes up in a spicy meat chili and feed it to a fat homeless man that parties like Chris Farley so they even in death you're experiencing a full-blown crap show and they don't laugh while sipping a cold beer on a beach somewhere enjoying myself spending the life insurance money Noel says she don't like movies lol ah shucks the two long wanted me to pay attention well if you don't like things that are too long I'm just the guy for you perfect hey if I was naked in front of you right now what would you do to me as for consent because we respect women that même dead yet emotionally unstable with anime I can accent perfect next time I'm in LA I'll be sure to take you out on a horrible date that you'll regret it better be the worst date ever I won't come I'll tell you about how you look like my first girlfriend when I was 16 and how much I miss it please tell me you spend the entire time talking about it and don't ask me anything and eat my food you're gonna ask me to try some of mine and I'll say you should have ordered it if you wanted some do you generate electricity with water through the process of hydropower because dam giraffe 19 years old our / giraffes don't exist is wrong I do exist believe in the propaganda it's all good sweet honey you don't have to worry about me sweetheart is it okay if I call you that you can call me anything you like okay Optimus Prime sweet triplets new I still got it hope they don't tell each other we got Shana Isabella and Donna look in the exact same and one of them's on tinder boost Sheila 62 hi I'm Sheila I just recently got divorced so my daughter helped me set this up mostly just looking for friends and fun people to be around screw Graham hey you a cigarette let me guess because I'm smoking oh because I'm a life threatening object that's been normalized by society now cuz I want to get you a light and put your butt in my mouth got'em chop my hair now I'm trying to find the seven inches I'm missing mm-hmm you might need to wait a month before we go out oh my so long need your hair to grow an inch because I'm only bringing six you know what that's fair Ari's 25 yes I am pregnant but I'm still very fun I'm looking for quick hookups with guys or girls I'm very horny all the time if you're a guy I'll bet you not inside but you're pregnant hey this is my cat I just had to show someone he is freaking awesome he's so cute yeah you wouldn't believe how many times he's got me dates on here go ahead and guess zero yeah you're right I guess I'm gonna have to put him down wait what leah is your iTunes working I don't know where this line is going but yes it's working sweet mind saying you're the hottest single of the week well then you must be the billboard hottest 100 list because I want to get on top of you but doom Shh ten points to tend a guy he did it again Jayson 40 years old had a date with one of you who got drunk before I picked her up made fun of me for grabbing a flower from the gas station before picking her up asked a lesbian if she was a man hit a mini golf ball into a crowd spilled their beer hit me with a putter twice text me after I dropped her off that I'm bald fat none effable and she was texting someone else to come fo right now so I'm pretty much looking for the opposite of her oh and please have some free time for dating Thanks poor Jason Clara 21 I'm like a microwave easy to turn on warm inside and if you put a baby in me I'll kill it seriously though just having some fun Lauren 21 in arms-dealer brooch that's the first one hands-down the best catch on tinder face 10 and a 10 body 9 and a 10 personality 28 10 arms one a tattoo doomed that's two for two Lauren two for to pick the following options cheesy pick-up line interesting fact filthy pick-up line or recipe B Vikings used the bones of slain animals when smithing new weapons believing this would enchant the weapon with the animal spirit this actually made the weapon stronger because the carbon and the bones coupled with the iron made a primitive version of Steel can I pick another option no you can't actually shrek 4 on DVD to logic style Oh Shrek I'm bad at those but I'll do my best are you free this weekend what day whatever day is good for you beautiful this is a make or break but how tall are you 6 foot 1 hook K you pass I'm 5 foot 7 guess I'll be getting stuff off at the top shelf so in the spirit of being fair this is a maker break for me of course how much do you weigh wow that's a maker break it's only fair Mackenzie 22 looking for a babysitter can't sit a baby but gets it on your face nice working hard or hardly working that's Danielle 22 years old at Simpson College living in Kansas City let's match talk for a bit a teacher learn snapchat snap for about a week then watch each other's stories with no other interaction until we die just like God intended you know 50 cent Frost is back at Wendy's and guess who has one dollar I'm vegan alright I'll keep my meat to myself then it's not just meat bro it's dairy products too alrighty then you can't suck on my titties either no milk for you tinder you new here me making an account for the 65th time not exactly boys if you are struggling with depression or anxiety I just want to show you my sincerest regrets and encourage you to talk to someone my ex just committed suicide masculinity in this and fearlessness are hammered into you all from such a young age and it can keep you trapped in suffering your feelings are real and powerful you aren't alone so don't suffer alone support each other speak up be brave enough to get the help you deserve solutions happiness and love are out there for you and that's a fact jack looking for a girl who's down to come over a microwave household items for me please only serious inquiries I have eight different bars of soap and some hot wheels I'm eager to get microwave requirements the curiosity of a cat a functioning microwave really maybe try without a mirror in the background lol I mean you can you can tell you didn't even need the mirror in the background the hair is feathered I'm home all safe thanks again for tonight thanks for letting me know it's great to meet you it was great to meet you too hello I hope you're feeling good today thank you for coming last night I had a good time I think ghosting is for butt heads so I think you're a lovely girl but the chemistry wasn't there for me I had a good time regardless and I wish you the best in your future endeavors best of luck with your final you're a vet I hope you kick some butt and have an awesome celebration at the end hey that's really good of you to let me know so thank you for that hope you have an amazing trip at the end of the year that's nice that's cute how long do you think should a guy waiting for your replies to a match on tinder no no mine anyway how are things blank 2000rs nude video call runescape RS she wants runescape dollars she wants ruined bucks get lost I am NOT posing nude for that amount of money I will be nude not you yeah nude for them runescape bucks my boyfriend broke up with me over text recently so I think that makes it clear why I'm on here I will suck the Wiener right off your pelvis Hey want to pick up my [ __ ] yes it's a chicken amazing nine and a half inches uncut nice Madison 19 I want someone to look at me the way I looked at the pizza oh and Amy like that too please cute first date ideas I have watching the sunset Edie and I just came in talking about life taking a leisurely stroll through a nature trail summoning the dread God Nile earth thought I've been combining our powers to defeat him and see on the way in a shadow roam forever finally in they get reign of terror having a picnic at the beach I like that first one honestly Becca you match with Becca I don't play hockey because it's cooler than other sports just because there's so many Canadians is that racist joke only if even Canadian is a race and cools and salt yes sir you and mysterious old man alight each other it's the mysterious old man for brutes cave Rachel hello Rachel I'd like to talk to you Rachel Rachel talk to me Rachel Rachel are you there Rachel are you there Rachel maybe later it's okay mysterious old man you'll find your favorite hottie sadef same same to what hey would it be for dad's gonna make me a sandwich I can only make peanut butter sandwiches so you'll have to deal with that no I mean like sandwich my head between your thighs sorry I had to clarify Driss 19 made in Germany designed in Afghanistan so basically I shall seek a sort of a loo bar when I do suicide wings yucky yucky funny funny hey you look like you're really sweet or a massive troublemaker no I'm just sweet lol good answer what's something you've done before that you'll never do again reply to your messages oh when an electrical engineer meets a computer engineer huh smartypants hot does that add to my points yeah but it gets canceled out because you don't live out here not gonna argue with that logic since I'm talking to an engineer especially one with such an electric personality glad you're all so logical ones and zeros are my game and I can tell you I am looking at a 10 what a pickup line that's great it's cute so you're in the military yep sure AM thank you for your service thank you for your taxes so I technically own you right here buddy hoppy my wiener is your property impregnate me right now why did the sperm cross the road why because I put the wrong socks on this morning ha get out okay sloshes out the door you leaving a trail of mayonnaise kill yourself yay wait calm it down Ashley says you're really cute how do you think so let's hang out what are you looking for on here oh no no summer fling same you're hot I'd do some body shots off you bet what you doing tonight just chillin you should come to the apartment smoke you like that type of thing and then ask for consent freak you trying to turn me on cuz the hottest thing folks is consent and that is true it's not even a joke that's a true fact stand out was super like you're three times more likely to get a match three times zero is still zero damn I feel that every time I match with a girl in tinder I sent her the Thanos entering Titan gift and I never get a good response I met with you while I was many miles north bound for a trip don't know why I pulled up tender during the trip it did swiping habit I suppose anyway although only 600 miles away I just thought it might be polite to say that you are a beautiful woman don't settle for someone hold out for that someone right you're beautiful and you know what people need to be told that sometimes I have a great weekend oh wow I needed that thank you what if I told you I was a CS major I would say you're lying if Ryan equals CS Julia living equals false I wouldn't run that program if I were you Julia schedule dad new event coffee date this week I know there's a syntax error I forgot my semicolon OMG cutie yes let's go to poorhouse oh that's cute that's adorable I love that tender dating pictures tinder date in real life fun fact tortoises can drink water through their butts I can get Wiener in mind Rachel respond to the runescape guy come on Rachel stop matching other people get back to the mysterious stranger oh damn though have W tattooed on both butt cheeks so when I bend over naked people say wow thanks Hannah solve for x to find your attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 10 where y equals 2x minus 20 x equals y divided by 2 plus 10 I'm not a math guy I don't know what that means but I do know that's the end of the subreddit so if you liked the video leave a like down below comment down below how many tinder matches you've gotten what's it's a call-out post and if you liked the video subscribe and as always I'll be seeing you [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 4,308,220

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, sorrow tv, rslash, giofilms, r/tinder, r/tinder top posts, r/tinder best posts, tinder, tinder reddit, funny tinder, emkay tinder, emkay, r/tinder top posts of all time, tinder funny

Id: Pc-wOlq2ohI

Length: 17min 14sec (1034 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 11 2019