r/TIFU I Dropped my Boob Carrot in Front of My Teacher 😱

welcome to our slash today I act up where Opie nearly kills himself with a chicken wing today I act up by wearing my late grandfather shoes to a job interview this happened January 2018 I was desperate to find a new job and was basically applying for anything that was asking for at least a bachelor's degree to provide some background I graduated with a science degree and there was a job posting for a junior risk management position at an accounting firm that allowed folks with a stem major to apply and so I did even though I barely knew anything about the field of accounting or risk management but hey might as well surprisingly they invited me to do a one on 0 interview where you basically stare your computer webcam and answer questions that the company has prepared for you ahead of time while recording your answer it's a pretty awful experience however they were all soft skill questions so I could answer them pretty decently after that I surprisingly got an invitation to have an interview in person at their office I was very excited now for the F up my family has an assortment of dress shoes that I could wear for the interview and I ended up grabbing a pair that belonged to my late grandpa they were looking fresh I put them on and my parents dropped me off in the front of the building I entered the building and entered the conference room where the other five candidates were alongside some company reps I was cool as a cucumber and just sat in my seat until everyone arrived right as everyone got up to enter the group case room I looked down at my feet and noticed there were these black things scattered all around my shoes I quickly deducted that they were shoe crumbs it turns out that the shoes I wore were so old and no one had worn them since a long time ago they were so old that the polymer in my shoes were extremely brittle and my shoes were deteriorating in front of my eyes solely due to pressure and friction at that moment I was thinking oh god oh man but didn't want to let anyone know about it so after I got up I push in my chair to hide the shoe crumbs unluckily for me everywhere I walked more traces of my shoes came off leaving a trailing of black crumbs behind me it was a nightmare thankfully the carpet was grayish color so it wasn't too with my black shoe crumbs but but it was only a matter of time before people were going to notice we walked to a different conference room nearby where we did a group case it didn't go too well and I left another big mess in there but oh well afterwards we were going to the in-person interviews with company directors and partners and divided us into two groups where three of us would go to the interview first and the other three would do it after I was a part of the ladder team so we had time to kill one of the company reps wanted to show us around the two floors and in my mind I was screaming I wanted to minimize walking to prevent my shoes breaking off even more I ended up leaving a trail of crumbs all throughout both floors and then we decided to grab some Starbucks on the main floor when I went to go grab a straw from my iced coffee a giant block from my right shoe came off Oh No I kicked it into the little condiments corner and hope no one saw we sat down at a table until our turn for interview was approaching on the way back to the office floor a second massive chunk came off this time from my left shoe however this time I was in the middle of the cafeteria and couldn't go back to grab it or something so I just continued walking and just let this black chute hurt in the middle of an open space at this point at this point so much of my shoes have fallen off that I was starting to walk weirdly as my shoes had gotten so destroyed at this point we got back to the conference room and the moment I entered the room I noticed two other people hovering around where I was sitting originally and said what's all this black stuff looking at the debris I left earlier I pretended to not hear them and sat at a different chair attempting to engage in conversation with someone else at this point I was 99% sure everyone knew it was me however I continued to play innocent and not acknowledge the amount of debris I was leaving behind everywhere finally finally it was my turn to do the interview and I walked to yet another office to do it and of course that meant leaving more shoe crumbs along the way and in the boss's office he told me he was going to take quick bathroom break after we entered and he'd be right back I was so glad he did that as I frantically picked up the crumbs that I'd already laid waste upon his office and quickly stuffed as much as I could in my pockets while he was gone as I was doing this all I could think was how did it come to this the interview itself went pretty well though after everyone was done the reps ended up buying lunch president nearby restaurant haha all I can say is rip to the cleaning staff over there but by the time I got home you could almost look through my shoe top down needless to say I didn't get the job sorry to hear that Opie to be honest I thought you were a shoo-in today I effed up being Jesus this happened on Halloween I imagine the evening going down more or less like this one slip into a white robe to stick on a cactus crown 3 moonwalk out of the house as Jesus for remember never to break character 5 hop into an uber 6 show up to celebrate Halloween with friends 7 go ham 8 go home 9 go to sleep 10 and go for a job interview the next morning this is what I would have called a good night however after number 7 go ham things didn't quite go as planned here's how stuff actually unfolded 1 got incredibly drunk - drunk me turned into drunk Jesus 3 fell into my friend swimming pool and almost drowned after attempting to walk on water 4 realized wearing all white plus water equals everyone seeing your shriveled up dong through your tighty whities five drunk dialed my religious mother in the middle of the night to tell her I'm proof that Jesus is fake and that I'm gay gay gay 6 unleashed an unholy amount of vomit in the ubers driver car on the way home 7 missed my job interview the following day after waking up laughably late 8 realized drunk me set the alarm on my phone two years into the freaking future for the record I apologized to my mom we cool now oh yes reddit 17 24 and then Jesus did vomit into the back of the uber and saw that it was good today I after by finding my girlfriend's tumblr so I've been seeing this girl for almost six months now she's super terrific to me and I really think things are going better than they've gone in my most recent relationships we met on tinder I personally deleted tinder two weeks after meeting her because I was that into her she told me she did the same about two weeks after that however a recent Instagram post notified me that she has a tumblr account I figured I'd look at it because we had each other on social media and I was curious big mistake she's got a substantial amount of followers and notes but I've noticed all she talks about is her ex and how she's in love with him and other tinder guys she's gone on dates with we started playing video games together recently and I just found out that her interest in that came from a guy she just spent last weekend with she has no idea I know any of this information and I'm too into her to say anything please help what do I do bro seriously I know this is gonna be hard to hear but your relationship is over it's gonna be tough but you really need to cut her loose and just move on today I effed up by drinking a thirty five-year-old can of coke this story actually took place around this time last year but because of its embarassing nature my co-workers haven't stopped reminding me about it our office does a small Secret Santa gift exchange every year that we typically arrange in November and give out gifts in December you write your name on a slip of paper along with some gift ideas and whoever forget your name generally gets you some kind of gift without you knowing who got it for you the budget for these gifts is 20 bucks so it's not like anyone is getting something super fancy now generally speaking I'm pretty indecisive ask me what I want for Christmas I'll probably say I don't know ask me what I want within a twenty dollar budget I definitely have no idea I remember writing on the slip idk is something cool beneath my name expecting to maybe get a gift card or something generic when I get to my desk on the day of the gift exchange I see a can of coke with an image of Santa on the can sitting beside a card I remember thinking to myself well this is what I get for not being specific may as well be appreciative of what I've been given I open up the card which contains a cheesy line fitting of the sense of humor of the people in my office if you put me in the fridge I make a cool gift my eyes scan down the card and I read the next line PS it's almost twice your age now this should have been my first clue however being the youngest person at my office I'm twenty I took this line to be a clue as to who my secret santa was after all half the fun was trying to figure out who got you the gift never in a million years would I have thought that line was to be taken from the perspective of the can so I crack open the can as I go to take a sip I noticed the metal on the outside smells off I'm not sure how to describe the smell aside from how one might imagine an old garage would smell this should have been my second clue but instead I picture someone keeping their soda in a second fridge in their garage something I'd known many of my friends father's to do of course these were sodas we weren't allowed to drink so I rationalized to myself that this particular can perhaps sat in a fridge in someone's garage long enough to soak up some of the garage smell after a moment of hesitancy I remember once more that I should be appreciative of the gift and take a sip now it feels important to note here that I don't really drink coke if anything I drink Pepsi but I'm not really the biggest fan of dark sodas I'm generally a sprite or even Mountain Dew kind of guy the first sip as far as I'm concerned didn't really set off any alarm bells maybe I was just in denial but it wasn't until a few sips that I truly became aware the soda was off I think to myself that it's the odd garage smell of the can that's got the soda tasting strange as smell is a big part of taste right so deciding I don't want to offend whoever it was that gave me the gift I chug down the rest of the can as quickly as possible now it isn't until about an hour later that one of my supervisors approaches me presumably for something unrelated and looks an absolute horror at the cane on my desk I'm confused of course until they explain that they collect Coke memorabilia including some of the older on open cans with specific designs they point out the PS on the card that was apparently meant to indicate the age of the can and not the age of the person I try to laugh it off but the judgment in the eyes of my supervisor is clear after googling around I managed to find the exact Santa can if I recall correctly it been about thirty-five years old give or take a year the bright side is surprisingly the soda didn't make me sick at all the downside is even a year after the fact I have yet to live this down everyone in the office knows I drank this ancient soda and even our new hires are quickly filled in I wouldn't say it's what I'm known for at the office but it's definitely still present in the eyes of my co-workers Opie at the time of reading this post it's now November which means Christmas is about a month away please update us with what your co-workers get you in this upcoming Christmas today I have to by dropping a boob carat in front of my teacher so this actually happened back in high school I tried to come up with a better title but this was the best I could do so I have always been pretty busty in high school I frequently used to wear tank tops to school summers were brutal and during lunch my friends would make it a game to try and throw food in between my breasts disclaimer this sounds horrible but it really wasn't we were all just messing around and they'd only throw things like grapes carrots Cheetos etc it was kind of like a competition and to be honest pretty entertaining anyway one day they're trying to throw baby carrots at my boobs and I guess one throw was particularly well aimed because it went straight down my bra we all laugh about it and I spend a minute digging around we all laugh about it and I spend a minute digging around my bra trying to find it but I guess I must have missed it or another carrot was also in my bra or something after lunch my friend and I head to our English class we had this awesome male teacher that everyone loved during class I had to ask him a question so I got up and walked over to him after I talked with him I turned around to leave when he said uh is that your carrots I turned back around and we both just stared at this wilted baby carrot on the ground between us it's this moment where I know he's wondering how the flip that carrot fell out of my body and I'm thinking about how I dropped my titty carrot in front of my favorite teacher I kind of just slowly picked the Kara back up say yes and go back to my seat my father my friends still make fun of me for this going down to the comments of this thread apparently this is a very common game among high schoolers called boob sketball or breasts ketball our next reddit post is from a lyrics today I have to buy eating the ends off a chicken wing yesterday I ate the ends of a chicken wing somebody told me the ends were crunchy like pork cracklings so I tried it out I never expected this to happen I must not have chewed one properly I got something lodged in my throat to dislodge it I hate some bread and drink some soft drink some pain persisted but I went to sleep last night hoping he'd be fine in the morning this morning I woke with tremendous pain in my throat and chest I walked to the public hospital down the road because I was starting to worry the GP noticed I had a crunchy throat when pressing on it he immediately sent me off to get an x-ray that showed I have a perforated esophagus that is the tube from my mouth to my stomach has been punctured the crunchy feeling was air that had shifted into parts of my neck it shouldn't be they consider it a critical medical condition with a 20% chance of mortality it's so rare that it's incident rate is three point one out of a million people a few random doctors even asked if they could feel my neck to experience the crunchy feeling they said they'd read about it in textbooks but you never see it now I'm waiting on the results of the CT scan which will determine whether I get surgery or just have to fast for a few days while my body fixes it if I had waited over 24 hours there would be a much higher risk so then Opie posted a few updates about preparing for surgery and then had this final update I had a to push into my arm through a vein all the way to the top of my heart it's called the P I see see it's how I'll be eating and drinking over the next week that update was three days ago so let's hope that Opie pulled through that was our slash a day I act up and unless you hit the like button then today you apt up

Channel: rSlash

Views: 349,583

Rating: 4.9463367 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, choosing, tifu, r/tifu, r/ tifu, today i fd u

Id: 8-DuTaJ7Ir4

Length: 15min 39sec (939 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 24 2019