r/Thathappened | this didn't happen :)

i just took a math final with this poster on the wall of the exam room it has formulas on it that were needed in the exam this poster got me an extra 10 on the paper no no it didn't there's no way absolutely no way hey hey hey welcome back to mk i'm your host robin and today we're going to be taking a look at r slash that happened hey what's going on folks welcome back to mk i'm your host robin and it's great to have you here today we're taking a look at r slash that happened where nothing ever happens when i'm angry at my girlfriend i watch porn in front of her to piss her off or pretend i'm texting someone being busy in general sure you do i can tell you right now if anybody really did something like that to their girlfriend for seemingly no reason you wouldn't have a girlfriend anymore weirdest gift i have been given or received some dude cat called me on the street and when i gave him a dirty look he apologized and gave me a hundred dollars and said he was so sorry for the patriarchy okay right sure that's great you don't even wanna know when i was in the army i was so badass that in basic training they just let me do what i want i was the toughest guy in the platoon i could run faster shoot better and do everything better than anyone the di just let me go into the barracks and read playboys i became a sniper in the army and did all kinds of secret missions all classified let's just say i was part of some major events you won't read my name in the history books but i was there and you can thank me for making your country safer at any time no i don't think i'm gonna do that feel like every little bit of this was made up you're probably not even remotely a veteran are you well this kinda happened to me once had gone to a barber and told him to cut my hair in a certain style but that dude had to ruin my hair well you see i'm no power lifter or professional athlete but i hit the gym six days a week okay when i asked him why he couldn't just cut it the way i told him this a-hole says he thought his style would look better and so what if it's bad it will grow out again i was so pissed that i just got up from my chair slammed his head on the table took a trimmer and shaved half of his hair making him half bald then said how about that for payment of your service the owner came running and saw what was happening and asked me what was happening okay sure i just said i gave your boy a little advice as payment rather than money do you need some of that advice sure you did you physically assaulted the crap out of someone in their own business and walked away totally free and fine still can't get over the owner came out and saw what happened and asked what happened that's how you know it was written by a nine-year-old man i once pretended to have a psychotic episode and smashed a macbook with a bat to keep my brother and his fiance from stumbling across pictures i photoshopped of her giving birth to me alright but this is on 4chan so that's actually quite plausible i was working in the kitchen at the restaurant inside of cinderella's castle when a family of four came in for dinner about halfway through the dinner the husband politely stood up and tapped his glass for attention he announced that his wife of 15 years had been cheating on him for over a year the entire place stood still in shock he motioned for his kids paid the waitress and left the wife crying at the table that is one expensive way to leave your wife a customer came through my line and was shaking i asked him if he was okay he told me he just finished three hours of chemotherapy and he had a week left to live he said this was his last christmas and all his family was coming to say goodbye i busted out into tears i ran around the other side of the register hugged and squeezed him as hard as i could and told him i loved him he kissed my forehead and said see you on the other side sweetheart okay he's sure honey doctor you lost 12 pounds since the last time i saw you me coffee coffee coffee pulls out a pack of skinny coffee and shows her the ingredients sign me up and that's how my doctor became my customer today i can't believe there are people still out here trying to convince their friends and family that they're smarter than the doctors quit confusing your google searches with their 14 years of schooling and experience everywhere i go i don't wear a mask and they still serve me or sell to me i must have don't confront me or i'll rip your head off and crap down your neck face yeah that's exactly what it is it's not that they don't get paid enough to deal with your jackassery eight-year-old was asked to sign a contract to agree to class rules at school she said to the teacher it's not a valid contract if i don't have a choice no it's not a valid contract if you're under age when my son found out that every fetus starts out female he responded with so does that mean my penis is technically a birth defect and everyone that has one means they weren't strong enough to keep a vagina let me guess your son was five years old holy mother of run on sentence let's see what i can do here my toaster caught on fire yesterday and when i realized it there was a flame like two feet high almost touching my cabinet so i panicked and picked it up so it wouldn't catch my cabinets on fire but then i was just standing in my kitchen holding a flaming toaster and my dad saw me didn't say anything and i didn't know what to do so i ran outside with it and threw it at the ground but it was on fire so i picked it up and threw it i'm sorry i couldn't i couldn't do it holy crap i gotta move on i just watched a woman drink laundry detergent at work today bottle to mouth in the aisle i said nothing but when we made eye contact she just gassed and was like i'm gonna buy it i'm not worried about you buying it what the hell are you doing at sainsbury's checkout woman stands about 12 inches behind me no mask on move back a bit i say i'm exempt she cries i just asked you to move back or are you exempt from social distancing too i calmly replied round of applause breaks out from adjoining checkouts no it didn't but i fully believe that you turned around and told an [ __ ] to get away from you why do they always have to add the applause what is with that in year six this girl had a full-on fist fight over me it was so funny they forced me to watch them though but it was funny having two people fight over me it was but they wouldn't turn on to me if i tried to walk away and who wrote this it was funny yet like torture at the same time they did it every day for a week oh sure they did buddy i know it was the funniest and another girl tried to stop the fight and asked me to go out with her i'm sorry if i read some of these like a robot but you have to understand they're written like they were made by a robot so i'm going to read them that way sometimes my 11 year old daughter said why didn't the democrats allow an open and transparent audit of the five contested areas it would have ended all the controversy my fourteen-year-old son said because it would have exposed the fraud i didn't learn my kids in gamestop today me handing a copy of mortal kombat to the sales assistant sales guy looking down at the game and then up at me mouth ugh wow you don't look like the type i usually sell this game to is that a bad thing or oh no definitely not you're a true gamer girl not a fake wannabe i think it's cool me uncontrollably smiling at this point thanks i've never had anyone say that to me before hands me a game and as i go to pay he stops me don't worry free of charge by the way when you get home open the game straight away so not only did i get a free copy of mortal kombat when i opened the box there was a piece of paper with his number along with the disc so yeah best experience ever i don't think anybody at gamestop has enough energy to do this type of [ __ ] girlfriend last week i was at the library and i was wearing a gay pride t-shirt this old lady comes up to me and says straight to my face your kind are the reason why america is going to hell i didn't even react or show emotion instead i stood up walked over and got a bible walked back over to her held up the bible pulled out my lighter and set the whole thing on fire and dropped it right in front of her i proudly exclaimed well i'll see you in hell everyone in the room stood up from their tables and clapped one guy even took another bible and threw it out the window shouting hell yeah was seriously the most badass and liberating moment i've ever experienced i love this so freaking much oh good god you love the fake really cringe-worthy story alright to each their own i suppose worked under a german supervisor once only german i've ever worked with guy was a total bully to men and women in the workplace i throttled him when he tried his crap with me and he almost cried wall got fired but felt great to let him feel some english hands around his throat wow aren't you a very badass big man who's a big man making stories up on the internet when i went to my white friend's house and his grandpa with dementia thought we were in 1992 and started panicking and screaming who the hell let the slave in grab the whip cheryl sure he did [ __ ] wild man my girl told me that a guy at the club was hitting on her she pointed him out for me and i stormed over there he was with a group of other ugly looking drunks i asked you're hitting on my girl he looked over and said maybe so at the end of the night i'm standing outside the club with blood on my hands and foreground men begging me for my forgiveness mess with my girl get a beaten from me simple as that wow someone's very confident in their uh manly hood jesus christ by the way jealousy of this level oh man you got some problems some serious problems yesterday i was at a bus station an american saw me and joked that there are no toilets in india it made me angry and i slapped him so hard he fell down i said there are no real brave men in america people at station clapped and shouted long live india hashtag don't mess with indians well i totally believe that hashtag just for completely different reasons i'm actually in the 99 percentile iq you cocky oh wait a minute i don't think that never mind now go on google and look up percentile then look up iq intelligence quotient quotient quotient after that look up ms because i have one of those too you don't know what an ms is what's your level of giftedness or did you not even know what that means while you're at it go check out mensa god that was actually really difficult to read first day at mcdonald's first 10 minutes of my shirt think you mean shift i was asked by the manager to clean the toilets i said screw you mofo and then threw my tag in his face then i dragged him into the toilets and buried his head in the water and said you like you little [ __ ] and i finished with don't ever tell me what to do again got it and lastly i quit by the way enjoy cleaning them yourself there's got to be some sense of sexual gratification these mofos feel from making these little stories up don't know if this belongs here but i found this comment under the song called kim by eminem funny story my high school teacher named kim pissed me off so bad at the time so i showed her this song and i got expelled from school lmfa right on bro oh boy here we go let's see you gotta zoom in here a little bit went to starbucks because i don't know how to sleep tons of people in line everyone looks like zombies and i'm spacing out myself all of a sudden this guy stands next to me and goes this is crazy then grabs my hand to hold it we both looked down at it and looked up him you're not my wife me no girl behind us you're holding the wrong hand honey you sure we're sure i feel committed to finishing this starbucks experience with you now i'm not paying oh never mind let me go back to my wife i'm not paying either guy in front of us come hold my answer i'll buy you any frappuccino you want husband went and held hands with the strange man and looks at both me and his wife and goes at least someone cares about me i mean at least that one is slightly believable but let's talk about that i funny watermark after spilling my trauma my therapist walked out silently and came back five minutes later with tear streaks and an empty shot glass i'm out goodbye you never saw me here is that legal i mean i don't think there's a law against crying but i'm not sure i went into my local cvs and of course a worker started yelling at me for not wearing a mask i explained to him the concept of hurt immunity and how we shouldn't be sheep by the end some people started clapping and taking off their masks the worker apologized and let me through just gotta say if you know anybody that uses the term sheep or sheeple unironically you might need to reevaluate your relationship with them or just keep a distance in general went to a megadeath concert and screamed out screw metallica right as the song ended holy wars everyone turned around and cheered and they lifted me up like a king what's wrong with metallica i mean other than the napster [ __ ] really what's wrong with metallica what'd they do me how was your day eight-year-old i just worry they're doing it wrong doing what wrong they separate everything so we can't understand anything who says music isn't really math their math isn't science really someone made categories but the world is mushier than that wait what hold on who says math isn't science i don't think anybody has ever said that ever is math related to science shut the [ __ ] today i got a detention for standing up for what i believe in oh boy i'm excited teacher write down three things you dislike about yourself me sits there cara i don't care why aren't you writing i can't do this i'll take a zero sorry why because i refuse to promote self-hate because some people in the world can fill out 20 of these front and back with no blank spaces and this can trigger someone you have to do it or i'm sending you to the office okay walks to the office needs more notes okay well i can kind of agree that a teacher telling all of their students to write down stuff they dislike or hate about themselves is kinda stupid this isn't real so what does it matter i am cutting onions me crap this onion is hot is the onion going to make you cry mom yes mom it's just the oh my god are you serious though what now the propene ethippa the alterfaciety of the s oxide yeah that's what it is okay i'm sorry i can't i can't keep reading it it's too hard no i'm not drunk i'm just tired leave me alone my little brother met one of his playstation friends irl when both of our families were on vacation in different states and happened to be staying at the same hotel they recognized each other's voices and that's how they realized lmao right just got stopped by police no license registration insurance plates no problem much love and respect for sergeant alvarez for listening to the information and upholding my right to travel and letting me leave freely he even gave me his info so we can have coffee and talk more about this issue and send him material to study he seemed very intrigued when i told him take off his freaking mask then he proceeded to ask me about masks vaccines etc that's a real man who's checking his ego and is willing to learn anywhere he can yeah i'm sorry i'm gonna stop right there any of this freaking anti-mask bull crap i'm not gonna tolerate it we're gonna move on screw your fake story it's not even entertaining i had sex with my mom in a party without yeah we're not reading this one we're moving on i asked my daughter to season the chicken and look what she did she's pretty funny believe it or not i was seated by chance to an apple executive in a dim sum restaurant who was boasting to his table about being at the top secret apple convention where a new tech was being shown using vaccine-delivered nanoparticles to harvest human processes target outcomes what is this mofo a check mark wow i can see your name i'm gonna look you up later why side hustles matter i walked into achilles and the host asked do you have a reservation i responded no i have an offer two million dollars the host fainted i became the owner of that chili's overnight now when i walk in the host asks me how many 20s would you like what what does that even freaking mean and why is elon musk in the photo also you paid two million dollars for a chili's why does that seem so so high to me i believe maybe one maybe 1.2 but not two what was your first red pill when my dad had a stroke and the social worker wanted to kick him out of the hospital because he was a white male with green eyes and public hospital was not for people like him i don't have anybody retorts some of these people they are so insane it hurts when did you realize that teacher you loved was actually an ass i had a sub teacher last week in my eighth grade bio class who kept trying to make me do my work i don't do homework kept bugging me about it so i kicked a crap out of him in eighth grade you kicked the crap out of your teacher you are very badass something liam said to me today mom i'm going to delete tiktok off of your phone it seems when i watch it i always see people that are showing their golden diamond chains mansions cars and money it's fine that they have it but what about all the people watching that have nothing what if everyone on tiktok talked about god and jesus tiktok would be a happier place and i definitely know this world would be a happier place as soon as i deleted it he said gosh that being gone makes me feel so much better wise thoughts from a six-year-old jesus christ when you see four unconscious bodies in a river don't question it what did you do and understandable tom maybe we shouldn't get too much into this yeah whoops that sword is fast uh i threw one guy off a balcony who assaulted me i stabbed the other one's hand and slammed his head on the bar threw him off one guy grabbed me from behind i elbowed him and stabbed him in the stomach he fell over the bar the last guy just gave up and ran it was self-defense like i said don't question it press x for doubt dude what would you do if someone grabbed your hand raised it and started slamming it on the table and chanting and drank your dr pepper or beer oh and threatened to burn your house down and kill you and your family yeah the dr pepper part wasn't convincing enough you had to add family murder in there too okay so if men love harder or more deeply than women why is it that in seven years of being an icu nurse i can count on one hand how many men were there for their dying wives they don't even call for updates the kids sisters extended family do how dare you lie like that if you really are an icu nurse and just making [ __ ] up like that shame on you i was at the doctor's office today nurse comes in with a mask gloves and a face shield and rudely tells me my mask doesn't work if it doesn't cover my nose i asked if she's had the vaccine and she said yes i said oh then you can't catch it right she said no she could still get it then you can't give it to me then right no i can still be a carrier i said then why did you take something that doesn't work i mean you take the polio vaccine you're immune from it she just gets angry and walks out the doctor came back in and said that was beautiful here's your script see you next time yeah polio vaccine totally didn't work there's polio everywhere now my daughter actually submitted this feedback at school not sure if i should ground her or buy her ice cream all right let's see things my teachers can do better not use collective punishment as it is not fair on the many people who did nothing and under the 1949 geneva conventions it is a war crime aha okay sure how old is your daughter supposed to be here i once told a cool kid pretty sad that you're outing yourself as a virgin who only knows sex from porn if you think women actually sound like that all his friends laughed and he got so embarrassed he left the room i felt so powerful bet you did buddy boy my trans 8 year old daughter hugged me on election night yay the reincarnation of hitler is gone now i can have a future i remember her saying we were both hugging and crying that night and everyone in the starbucks clapped that 100 percent didn't happen screw trump but that didn't happen and on that fantastic note we are out of time for today's video ladies and gentlemen uh before we go though why don't we take a look at today's fan art so i just made this abomination in my physics notebook oh my god it's not an abomination it's actually quite cool but someone's definitely a mutant always remember folks if you even somewhat enjoyed this video consider dropping a like down below and if you really enjoyed the video well make sure to get yourself subscribed and click that bell icon and if you're feeling super generous why not check out my links in the description down below and hey until next time i'll catch you later

Channel: EmKay

Views: 401,561

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, r/Thathappened

Id: SnATOplfM74

Length: 19min 27sec (1167 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 27 2021