r/Thathappened | she looks weird because she's british

two days after i bring my newborn daughter home from the hospital 22 month old son when's she going back back where to her house at the hospital she lives with us now mommy you're not making good choices okay i mean the 22 month old is clearly right but he's fake [Music] hey what's up ladies and gents welcome back to mk i'm your host robin you're most likely to be least favorite and today we're gonna be taking a look at our slash that happened you know where nothing happens at all i was going on vacation with my family and saw this cute girl at the airport lounge that seemed to be my age there's just something special about seeing someone your age at the airport i don't know why okay i approached her and little did we know we had seats next to each other long story short we ended up screwing in the bathroom of the plane yeah all right cool you lost us all then when we landed we screwed again in another bathroom after that we exchanged numbers and went on with our vacations today she's my girlfriend and i love her so much wow how romantic if that story was true i feel like she would be incredibly upset with you sharing that with anybody i just had to take my daughter to an ent here was our conversation looking at her chart doctor allergic to aluminum and medications why would there be aluminum in medications me she's allergic to vaccines there's aluminum in vaccines there's aluminum and vaccines really yes sir interesting i did not know that there was aluminum in vaccines why would that be in there to himself looking puzzled how did you find that out the cdc media and excipient list it says it right on there really it does yes along with many other harmful ingredients like formaldehyde and human dna human dna i didn't know that any of that was in there i just had a bunch of vaccines to go to africa well you should go look you might be shocked at what's in them i guess so looking confused nice to meet you okay yeah this doctor is definitely a real person that you had a conversation with uh just as a quick reminder don't you ever mistake your seven google searches for someone's 14 years of medical training omfg my mom was just cutting a baguette and i snuck up behind her and grabbed the bread and ran and she was like what are you doing and i shouted i'm 24601 and now i'm hiding in my room with a huge baguette what do i do update i built a barricade wow so random i remember in the fifth grade a boy said oh my god i can see your bra strap i stood up loudly with a lot of drama and said oh yes nobody can know that me a girl wears a bra somebody called victoria because her secret's out his face turned red and everybody laughed to be fair that one does seem at least a little bit believable although i don't think for a second you were that clever in fifth grade i'm in the store and the [ __ ] manager comes over and tries to tell me to put a mask on and i'm telling him i'm not it's not the law and no one can take away my freedom everyone is now watching i yell this is america not russia you do not have to wear a mask or do anything the overwatchers tell you i never wear a mask i have never been sick it is possible this virus thing is a hoax don't let them tell you what to do people suddenly people are taking off their masks and clapping i have that effect my nine-year-old son has learned about karen's through youtube he thinks a group of karen should be called a complaint no no no a group of karen's is called a privilege so i'm at a gas station getting red bull and the guy in front of me is trying to get condoms and his car got freaking declined and this little old woman behind me whispered he just got cock-blocked by visa i freaking crapped myself again depends on where you are because some old ladies get real bored dude lmao a girl asked me if i could rap and i proceeded to wrap the whole of eminem's rap god flawlessly she then gave me a [ __ ] oh my god come on man there's always that one line that ruins it for them yeah i did this somewhat impressive thing that's completely plausible and then obama came out of my closet and gave me a high five just because i look like a model doesn't mean i want to be constantly hit on paige and i are at a club and i've got guys throwing their numbers at me can't i just have a drink without getting hit on by 30 guys some guys are leaving their girlfriends to come and try and talk to me one guy offers me a modeling contract uh-huh one guy says he's an acting agent and wants to sign me this happens everywhere i go sure honey imagine how it'll be when i'm famous if i can't even go to starbucks without 15 guys hitting on me when i'm famous it'll be a lot worse i was driving and came to a stoplight and six guys hit on me this is why customer service is the perfect job for me right now no one can see me they talk to me normal i was standing on the bus back from uni and the driver suddenly braked really hard and this girl flew across the bus and somehow i caught her and without thinking i said i think you just fell for me and i crap you not the entire bus applauded me why is there always an applause that never happens on my way home from work i ride my bicycle and was sweaty and dirty i had a date that night and stopped at a high-end clothes store to pick up some new pants and a shirt the staff all pretty much ignored me which is fine with me i know they work on commission i purchased close to a thousand dollars and the manager asked how my experience was i told him that i wasn't greeted nobody asked if i needed assistance and was pretty much shunned he apologized and asked me to wait at the register he walked out on the floor and fired every single uppity employee he offered me a discount or a gift certificate i thanked and told him i would be back with more friends i don't believe this story but it reflects poorly on you what kind of a person would be psyched to get multiple people fired because the salesperson didn't pay enough attention fired employees you mean at worst they got moved to a different store or shift time no way is one customer's bad experience going to make a manager fire their entire store's worth of staff lol at you for thinking it was anything but show my 11 year old daughter said why didn't the democrats allow an open and transparent audit of the five contested areas it would have ended all the controversy my 14 year old son said because it would have exposed the fraud i just love my kids me too i love fantasy i was high with a bodybuilder friend once and talked about how it was kind of messed up that we eat other animals mussels to grow our own he went vegan after that and said never again those are their gains bro not mine bro bill gates is a proven sociopath and psychopath in the late 1970s and early 80s i went to a few outdoor campus parties at harvard while there i noticed bill gates those who i was with warned me not to socialize with him more perks of being best friends with the son of a russian mafia boss the best part of owning a chick-fil-a is free food whenever you want bruh what today amazon just mistakenly gave me a ps5 lmao i kind of feel bad but there was no address on it to return it literally just a box if you're missing a ps5 let me know in the comments and i'll give it back to you sure you will while helping my daughter with world war ii homework she asked when they'd learn about captain america and hydra or the box indiana jones found that melts people because that's when things will get cool i can't decide if this means i'm failing as a father or absolutely crushing it the only crushing that needs to be going on is of your balls good sir i'm six foot three and i wear a cowboy hat boots and a full length duster everywhere i go and so far everyone seems too intimidated to ask me to put on a mask took an iq test i scored a 141 maybe next time i'll score higher that's not really bad at all my iq is really good well honestly it's just a measurement of how well and fast you learn mine's 182. wow your iq is higher than einstein's was einstein only had an iq of 160 to 170. i interviewed a candidate through skype last week during the call i heard the sound of inmates in the background are you in prison i asked mind you we have a strict policy on felonies yes and my kids are in the background i hope that's okay he thought i would dismiss him for having smuggled a raspberry pie and webcam into a maximum security facility on the contrary i admired his resourcefulness i hired him on the spot and then immediately rescinded my offer i like to keep candidates on their toes he did well after the interview i told him that i wasn't impressed with his rap sheet because i'd already lived it nor was i impressed with how he presented himself he burst into tears my fault bee i felt bad i told him that he was actually beginning to look familiar as he dried his tears i remembered an old adage real recognize real this was our guy i changed my mind again and gave him the contract he couldn't believe it because he thought i was going to leave the call dead ass he asked in disbelief i chortled realizing what a good thing i done smiling i told him deadass my friend deadass a little girl wanted to know what the states looked like her dad tore a map of the usa from a magazine and then cut it into small pieces he told her to go to her room and see if she can put it together after some minutes she returned and handed the map correctly fitted and taped together the dad was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly she said on the other side was a picture of jesus and when i put him back that our country just came together when did you realize that teacher you loved was actually an ass i had a sub teacher last week in my eighth grade bio class who kept trying to make me do my work i don't do homework kept bugging me about it so i kicked the crap out of him right i'm sure you definitely did my kid is smarter than me my 10 year old daughter just said to me if i had a boyfriend and i got engaged to my boyfriend and he treated me the way mommy treats you i wouldn't marry him at least she'll never live like this wow it sounds like there's way more going on that you need to confront my co-worker's ex beat her up till he broke her rib cages and popped a vessel in her eye so now every time her current boyfriend sees him it's on site and he whoops his ass every time to remind him how it feels she said he's beat him up on four separate occasions we stan a king oh boy it starts with shooting i won a knife fight and survived no ambulance didn't even have a knife kid was a freaking [ __ ] [ __ ] though i ducked under when he slashed at me and he got me across the shoulder blades huh double leg takedown and he landed on the back of his head the end i had certainly antagonized him enough to sort of deserve it so i cleaned out my cut and butterfly bandaged it and called it a day it's a pretty wicked scar though looks like a sword got me since it never got stitched up right right i just went to a mcdonald's and there was no mcfish on the menu what the hell happened is it permanently banned or is it just my local mcdonald's i demanded to see the manager but they accused me of being a male karen so i walked out what the hell is a mcfish and furthermore if the mcfish had ever been on the menu and they took it away i don't think anybody in that restaurant made that decision usually it comes from higher up so you screaming at the teenagers working behind the counter isn't really gonna help your [ __ ] case anyway my guy so this one time in eighth grade i was walking home and some of the popular girls came up to me and pushed me into a puddle and told me to go have sex with my boyfriend and this girl says wait guys she doesn't even have one and try all laughed at me until the most popular guy in school came up to me and said wait did we break up i sure hope not and kissed me and i had no clue what he was doing but yeah we just got married thinking about a divorce in a couple years you know i usually just go to the doc when i'm really sick i tell them what's wrong what meds i need what doses and for how long and they just look at me like huh this guy's freaking insane that's not at all how this works just pissed off a tsa chick because i was taking off all my metal stuff so my belt my two cuffs my waist chain my necklace my boots and my jacket and the tsa girl just goes wow kid you have quite a bit of metal stuff and i looked this straight in the face and said i'm more metal than you will ever begin to understand you nerd i'm at school writing this and something crazy just happened so i was listening to this during social studies you know just doing my own thing and i noticed the fat rat uploaded a new song so i thought why the hell not he's one of my favorite musicians after all i must have been playing it for like a minute and then someone shook my shoulder and gestured for me to take my earbuds off he was telling me everyone in the class could hear the music because my earbuds weren't fully inside my phone i looked at the entire room and everybody was just rocking their heads to the music my mind went blank and i must have been blushing super hard i've never been so embarrassed but so happy at the same time when i stopped the music they just told me to keep playing it until the end lmao feels good man lady behind me at the store excuse me i can see your nipples through your shirt that's so inappropriate me what's inappropriate is the fact that i can smell your breath through my mask and yours six feet no pressure karen she deserved it everyone has nipples her i'm going to tell your manager me a black woman oh you're racist too oh for god's sake why do you people always pull the race card manager walks up she obviously stops him this employee is a disgrace to your company look at her nipples to put it short looks at me then at her then gives me the look of confirmation ma'am this is a walmart and she doesn't even work here i'm gonna have to ask you to leave her makes a scene and is escorted out by security the best part is her name was carol why is that the best part i got my entire workplace to see the truth one of the older co-worker ladies gave me this mask with kittens on it and she said that she found it online after i told her that i loved cats i then ripped it up in front of her stunned face and gave a speech on how coveted was fake and made up by fouchy and ducks have to have a job the entire office clapped and now everyone's wanting to learn more about the truth even my manager gave me a promotion whatever makes you feel better sweetie this happened once in first grade the entire class including teachers got a different answer but i got one more so everyone was like no it's blank and then i went up to the whiteboard showed them my answer and outsmarted the teachers the driver got arrested five times by the police because of the painting i'm sure he did i became a professor at age 25 to experience those fantasies one of my students was hot so i hinted at her for extra credit the next day she came to my office and we had sex still gave her an f in the class though what did you learn at school today restorative justice is sort of like when you knock someone's block tower down you don't just apologize and walk away restorative justice means you help them rebuild it ah yes the five-year-old kindergartner said that i've delivered food for a long time 15 years definitely hooked up with a lot of wives sometimes been caught guys get real sensitive when they hear a hung white man making their wife moan loud oh well i get mine yeah then you wake up oh god i dm'd a celebrity about a sex dream i had about him i wasn't even expecting a reply but we ended up adding each other now i don't know how to talk to him without looking desperate but he follows this page so if you see this snap me or not it's cool buying tampons cashier would you like a bag me no thank you there's a very sketchy guy outside and i want him to know that i'm not the person to be messed with today cashier legitimately scream laughed see that's more plausible my son came home from school today and told me that his classmates were making fun of him for being conservative and straight in fact one kid's parents told him he was gay so he went around saying that and punched my son when he said he was straight wtf oh my god straight people wish they were oppressed so bad and it's so funny i talked to my liberal neighbor tonight about the 2020 elections she said it's a hard decision on who to vote for i said no it's not it's either trump or socialism her jaw dropped she said she never looked at it that way it's that simple folks trump or socialism now just catch me sitting here waiting for the socialism to start any day now my three-year-old daughter comes up to me and says give away the stone let the waters kiss and transmutate i looked at her and said these laden grudges into gold she then stated that tulle is the best band ever and that i was the best dad ever i think i won today i worked for tool once they're alright so my 14 year old told me you can't catch a virus as they taught her at school for a whole term just before this scam she got a she said people are truly stupid god these are so hard to read learn to write oh god this is gonna be a nightmare to read bear with me folks i don't know man had some liberals for furniture movers and they refused service to my family because we were simply white is that a type of bread they even said it as they left before they could build our furniture that we paid for them to build and the manager had to get on them twice and then fired them and had to send brand new people to get crap done well welcome to r that happened so today my ap art history teacher was teaching us about the only female pharaoh and he was like have you seen women they can pop out a baby and be like alright let's go and then he walked over to this guy and aimed his fists towards his balls and the guy flinched and held his crotch and he was like men may be stronger but women are tougher and then he said so when someone tells you to grow a pair they mean ovaries huh i'm gonna get that tattooed on my butt i caught my kid stealing something in a store so i made him personally apologize to the owner of the store and told him he would work for three months without pay teacher tried to suspend me for writing a book and knowing the author's reasons i wrote a small novel and published it my town has a small publisher one day in school we had to read it one to two hundred pages and keep track of small details to discuss and one thing was the reason the main character was wearing a fedora it's because it means they are sad that their friend died when the teacher said this i corrected her and she said how do you know and i said look who wrote the book they tried to suspend me sure you know what that said folks i can't take it anymore we've come to the end of today's video but before we get going let's make sure to check out that fan art wow this took forever to make might look simple but those eyes man those eyes were hard i can see that dang also you've perfectly captured my mood here with those four subs always remember folks if you even somewhat enjoyed this video consider dropping a like down below and if you really enjoyed the video well to make sure to get yourself subscribed and click that bell icon and until next time i'll catch you later

Channel: EmKay

Views: 427,253

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, Thathappened

Id: -WRRLJUhlmg

Length: 19min 21sec (1161 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 07 2021