r/Brandnewsentence | too spicy

oh my god i just walked by the karate place and they're letting the kids wear their halloween costumes i just saw kylo ren get his ass kicked by a taco it's kylo ren so that does sound about right it's pretty on brand for him to get his ass kicked and when i kill you i will kill the last jedi [Music] how's it going ladies and gentlemen welcome back to mk i'm your host robin and today we're going to be taking a look at our slash brand new sentence where the sentences have never been said before well most likely i guess we'll be the judges of that now won't we let's get right in there if cat not enjoy being held why baby-sized that's a fair question they are perfectly baby-sized i'm afraid you're gonna have to ask god about that one because i don't know the answer we need to normalize bisexual introverted leftist former gifted children with depression who drink iced coffee and sleep till noon hey um shut up how about that okay i don't need to be called out almost every video okay i once told my students to put their heads down and i'd count votes for either extra recess or a bill nye episode nobody voted for the video but it was winter and i didn't want to go outside so i told them bill nye won and that's basically elections here in america oh he looks like he's suppressing the urge to blink horizontally that man is always suppressing that urge i've seen him do it once it's not as scary as you think though because we all know what he is also how can you be worth billions and billions of dollars and still have a haircut like that nothing like a close call slip in the shower to remind you that you're just a jenga tower of blood well and bone and meat mainly meat we drink boba tea to satisfy our ancient and innate urge to slurp up tadpoles from a puddle through a reed no we absolutely do not when you've successfully dodged all of the creepy dudes trying to sell you moisturizer at mall kiosks this is the final lotion boss you must face i think i could take him dude looks like a truck stop gas station all over the place when we met my boyfriend just wasn't a cat person we're out of wet food and he's currently cooking fish so the boys can still have a good dinner as though they're loyal patrons of a restaurant he cannot disappoint and not too many hell panthers that poop in a box and yell at us well he's right though my balls are discord certified no they are not discord has certified your balls nice balls yeah we'll certify them never question me how can i get certified when someone tells me they're a christian i ask classic jesus or republican jesus that's a good question to ask because they're very freaking different here's how they raised millennial kids go to college go to college go to college go to college go to college go to college go to college uh why'd you go to college if you wanted electricity and a roof you kids are overeducated and over gay stupid libtards this lady gave me her food order i repeated it back and told her that that comes to 6.66 she said oh no i don't like that total better throw in a corn dog surely this woman is an inspiration she's out here fighting off the powers of satan with a corn dog as her weapon of choice it's probably more useful than you're giving it credit mean hell i still don't understand why vampires can't stand garlic and here we are fighting off demons with corn dogs you don't know is it just me or does the frame rate get higher when you step inside a costco it's because everything comes in bulk there and costco has really good object instancing so it only has to construct the vbo for each kind of product once and then reshade it for individual instances which gets you a big frame rate improvement over the parking lot where 1 million unique cars are in view at any given time i don't understand this and i do at the same time happy two-year anniversary here's to us looking more alike with each passing year until we're a single beast with four arms and four legs that runs at a top speed of 50 miles per hour and screams like a baboon at nearby travelers trespassing into our woods to many more emergency hot dog that heats up when you crack it like a glow stick okay this guy might actually be on to the greatest invention since fire alright people with no kids who turn your lights off and hand you all the remote i tell google to turn the lights off and my remote is on the end table next to where i sit it's 20 20. stop using your crotch fruit as employees find yourself a guy who purposefully feeds his cows in the shape of a heart just to send to you there's some cute ass yeehaws but i can't lie you don't have to be lonely at farmersonly.com the best reddit thread i've ever seen was when someone asked if the gang from always sunny in philadelphia could kill darth maul and almost all of the responses were over four paragraphs long best quote from that thread to give the gang a slight advantage we'll assume that darth maul has not seen any of the films in the home alone franchise i just dumped a package of fruit snacks into my mask at work and am slowly eating them like a horse i love the pandemic i guess that's one reason to love it so amazing how my parents found each other even though they were from opposite ends of the eyebrow spectrum mother of god they really were weren't they man i forgot my mask when walking my dog just now and felt some brand new form of stress i didn't know existed until recently i can't be going outside without my face panties anymore it's indecent thank you james allen mccune you are my favorite actor linguistic question from a non-native speaker why is it man in virginia here but florida man in other news virginia is a place florida is a derogatory adjective you hear that floridians chewbacca is a guy not a woman how disturbing this man sees a lego ass of a fictional bipedal animal and his first thought is bro i'm not gay what the [ __ ] restroom with urinal restroom without urinal where's your god now gender roles i was actually at a cafe yesterday and their bathrooms were marked whatever just wash your freaking hands last night i dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so insulted that i woke up to goats what do you look like then don't say goats come on a friend's grandma got covered she's recovered how did she get covered she's been sneaking off to karaoke bars that are covertly operating illegally without covet precautions illegal underground grandma karaoke bars am i disappointed amazed losing my mind all of the above so the answer is yes to everything i spent six thousand dollars and over 40 hours building my 100 movie accurate root costume and yet all the idiots in my office can't stop emailing about shannon's dumb ass toddler's bullsh baby groot costume that honestly looks like a turd and a marshmallow stupid babies stamps foot i do not want a gumbo recipe from the new york times i want a gumbo recipe from an old woman named mama thibadel landry who can bare-knuckle box an alligator while reciting the holy rosary in cajun french all right i fully agree with that i don't want no new yorker gumbo i want the real thing okay make it melt my brain i'm having a lovely walk rex i'm so sorry that was me who honked at you just now i was just excited to see you but then you yelled at me and i remembered about men honking at women from cars oh i'm sorry i told you to go [ __ ] yourself no no i'm sorry i honked it was just a good christian honk okay i don't mind a mosquito sucking my blood i've got plenty to go around what annoys me is the need to inject the itch juice into my skin like i'm already feeding you why are you being such a [ __ ] imagine if i slapped my mom every time she made me dinner you don't do that i don't give a crap if there's a microchip in the vaccine they could put a whole ipod nano inside me if it meant i was allowed to go get drunk at olive garden again hell i'd put a mac pro in my stomach to go to the cheesecake factory alright wife why is there a charge for thousand dollars to men's warehouse me i have no idea don't go outside though horse gets tailored three-piece suit and looks absolutely dashing the flat cap seals the deal dress for the jockey you want not for the jockey you have how does one man manage to look like bill clinton and the queen simultaneously with a lot of hard work sweetie katie lee did not win the pageant because she was a trilobite oh don't worry about it katie you're suspicious if you enjoy bloody marys keep your iced ketchup drinks far away from me i agree with you harper you're so right i'm sorry but the norwegian butter crisis of 2011 just confuses my goddamn brain because how the actual hell does an entire country run out of butter did norway just come downstairs like uh whatever the hell that is i was gonna explain how the butter crisis happened but then i noticed your hilarious attempt at writing we've run out of butter i'm not sure if you know but you basically just wrote we drove out of the lubrication how is that wrong my good sir can you believe we used to go to work sick with no mask riding shoulder on the subway just raw dog in the air like that will i wear one every day forever no but i'll be wearing one a lot more in 2022 than i did in 2019 maybe we should also stop this bold culture of forcing ourselves to go to work when we're sick yeah i'm sick i'm staying home oh i'm not a sick days i don't [ __ ] care i'm staying home because i'm sick so you can deal with it half of college professors are like you can know nothing about me except my name and the other half are like and that's why my wife left me anyway what's up with y'all there were two professors like this in my department and i was one of like 20 people who was taught by both of them so there was a very small gang of us who knew that professor brickwall and professor overshare were married with two kids makers of grow your own human stakes say meal kit is not technically cannibalism grow your own human stakes do you think the top part of a mermaid also tastes like fish or that it would actually be red meat would there be a solid line where the meat changes in their body or do you think it would blend could you make a surf and turf platter with one carcass man i don't know but i'm hungry now birds are just named stuff like hot rested milf and no one does anything about it well can you come up with a better name for a bird that looks like it deserves to be called a hot breasted milf think about it chris my days are made up of zoom meetings and playing dress up and your bangladeshi workers days are made up of starving and working 18 hour shifts for no money you disgusting recycled glorified milk carton this reopens the age-old pokemon debate is it ethical to catch a mr mime is mr mime just a guy something about ash's mom forcing mr mime to sit on the floor and eat out of a dog bowl makes me uneasy mewtwo was right mr mime has a humiliation fetish and ash's mom totally dumbs him hey please don't type those words ever again thanks yo canada quick question why your money see-through so we can shine a laser pointer through the window and see the value amount projected afar as added protection from forgeries yo usa why the hell are we still using fragile scraps of linen like animals when we could have laser show dollars instead not to mention i'm pretty sure they still smell like maple syrup joker is probably one of the movies ever made oh it's definitely one of the movies ever made muppets have front-facing eyes and are therefore predators i don't like to imagine kermit stalking me in the woods this is some old [ __ ] i can't believe deported veterans is an actual phrase it shouldn't be it really really really shouldn't be but here we are so [ __ ] sad we really devolved as a society when we stopped using fully painted pictures on romance novels and started using cheap photoshop instead case in point oh what a downgrade this is a hell of a downgrade see that's what i said worst crime capitalism ever committed was eliminating horny oil painter as a viable career option just be like oopsies and then blame it on their zodiac sign like oh sorry i'm an asparagus watching pawn stars and this guy came into the shop selling 50 rare pez dispensers and when they offered him a thousand dollars he stormed out with his dispensers and in his parking lot interview he called their offer a slap in the face to the pez community thousand dollars for pez dispensers there's no way they offered him a grand for those right i would have given him like 12 bucks excuse me do you know how to get to the thank you directions comics then funny cat loves lasagna and hates mondays comics now pigeon experience is a micro aggression a single sour patch kid would kill a pilgrim instantly oh my god it would be way too much flavor for someone back in those days dude hell a mcdonald's cheeseburger would probably give someone back then a heart attack not because it's unhealthy but because wow it tastes someone in my norwegian class didn't know the word for cowboys so he called them american horse pirates and i've been laughing about it for about an hour i actually prefer that term to cowboys cowboys is boring into vanilla what the hell is lgbtq plus is it like premium gay no no it's the new streaming service on the market i love lagomorphs because on one side you have sweet round boys and on the other side you have feral wilderness prophets who've gone mad with the knowledge of the universe lanky though my freshman roommate would leave the dorm at two in the morning and come back around four thought she was chilling with a boy or something turns out that's the prime time to watch raccoons at the pond near the show for god's sake herders spraying reflective paint on their reindeer's antlers to avoid road accidents leads to absolute surreal and scary pictures i see nothing scary about this majestic and delightful rave reindeer this senate hearing looks like the tale of a marooned lighthouse keeper and the robot butler he built to stave off loneliness those two are definite opposites to the spectrum what is it about being a billionaire that makes you go absolutely whack-ass with how you present yourself i mean to be fair dorsey looks a lot more normal than the robot boy over there but still about five years ago i worked in a restaurant and ludicrous came in ordered spring rolls and sent them back when i apologized he said don't apologize spring rolls are unpredictable i think about this at least once a week to this day i just noticed something astrum star nata sailor astronaut literally means star sailor how cute is that neil armstrong is sailor moon confirmed source butterfucks whatever i'm in a really bad media diversity class where the professor was trying to make a point to us about stereotypes so he was like when you think of frankenstein you probably think of a big green monster right and then when everyone in class was immediately like no it's the scientist he pretended he didn't hear us millennial culture is knowing frankenstein is the scientist idiot teacher my dad's newest girlfriend introduced herself as cinnamon with an s and i've been calling her cinnamons all afternoon and she absolutely will not correct me guys follow me for more stories about the seeking meat missile that is my dad the global internet is being attacked by sharks google confirms no headline will ever bring me as much joy as this wi-fi goes out oh those sharks again i swear to god just had a child say circumcise me captain and his mom smacked him in the back of the head and said i'm so sorry i don't know where he heard that i don't even know if he knows what that means and i'm thinking about how kids are just walking shitpost generators shoot for the moon stab for the stars poison the sun it's time to kill space space started it let's finish it why are we still here just to suffer every day i'm angry that a shrimp can see more colors than me and we'll never understand what that's like ever well paint yourself yellow and move to springfield because you're a [ __ ] simpson oh oh that was good why is the divorce rate among socks so high i don't know maybe check around in the nooks and crannies of your washer and dryer they do tend to eat clothes and they love socks the most i grabbed this [ __ ] ass chorizo made of soy and i thought it was saying i am chorizo in spanish ouch i really need someone who understand me someone please eat my brain spaghetti women get to smell like real things vanilla and lavender but men have to smell like concepts what the [ __ ] is a cool sport rush introducing the all-new axe sense black ice motor oil dog dropping a sewing needle is like a cross between where's waldo and the floor is lava except if you don't find waldo he's gonna stab ya i always thought he was gonna do that anyway have you seen that guy with plastic being banned starbucks is running out of things to put drinks in a year from now they're gonna scream my name and i'll have to drink my caramelized latte straight from the barista's cupped hands while another employee strokes my head like a scared horse look i'll do what i can to help lower my environmental impact okay if that's what it takes that's what it takes aladdin could have used a wish to end the monarchy that was preventing jasmine from marrying him or he could have ended the systematic poverty that forced him to steal but instead he wished to be a fake prince of a fake land he wished for big energy my therapist holy sh dude do you remember how loud computers used to be like you'd put a floppy in there and it would just freaking scream at you like a pterodactyl eating a corn cob i do remember it was actually quite a calming sound believe it or not today i learned nasa's plan to dispose of corpses in space is to freeze them in the airlock and then violently shake the body with a robotic arm until it turns to space dust hashtag bad astronauts get put in the corpse wiggler what the actual hell florida man who allegedly threatened family with coldplay lyrics and standoff after swat promises him pizza i mean that's totally fair though they would have gotten the same deal if they offered him a snickers you know what i mean men's deodorant is superior there i said it i'd rather smell like icy fuckboy than lavender armpit sweat because women's deodorant doesn't last more than 15 minutes i mean ours doesn't either you just get used to the smells you put on yourself every day i drowned myself in axe this morning i can't smell it imagine being blind and masturbating to the sound of porn only to find out that it was just women's tennis i don't think that's really a problem dude say yes to masks and no de bras frida titty protect a city is there anyone even named sheldon in real life my class turtle from 6th grade that's a turtle when god sings with his creations will a turtle not be part of the choir wow that's really making me think though no ps5 today because the gaming pc i built leaves it in the dust y'all be like the vegans of gaming you just won't shut the [ __ ] up about your preference despite no one caring that is a really long way to say didn't ask today a student emailed over a draft of his essay on 1984 and had clearly used a thesaurus on every single word and how i know this is because the party slogan big brother is watching you had become enormous siblings viewing you and i laughed so hard that i cried elmo knows better than to question a man who just tore off half of his friend's head just to wear it as a hat there's no place for weakness on the sesame street a german man just came into the pub and tried to ask for cutlery but ended up saying i need some food weapons and i will now be referring to them by nothing else i'm so old i remember when mainstream republicans were basically reasonable people with differing views on economics and not a festering tangle of seditious democracy-hating trees and weasels well lucky you you got to see them when they were freaking normal god leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of the night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever be the inexplicable phenomena you wish to see in the world it's just like that guy that had a tv on his head that would leave old crts on people's porches in this neighborhood for a little while be the phenomena you wish to see in the world simple as that folks and on that glorious note we've come to the end of another video ladies and gents but before we get going let's take a look at today's fan art shall we here's some fan art i made hey that's like a little ghost it's like casper the friendly mk mascot i love it always remember if you even somewhat enjoyed today's video consider dropping a like down below and if you really enjoyed it well then make sure to get yourself subscribed and click that bell icon and until next time i'll be seeing you

Channel: EmKay

Views: 1,427,128

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, Brandnewsentence

Id: y5w-JE5kyA4

Length: 20min 4sec (1204 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 16 2021