r/Thathappened | danger is coming

when i was about six i made up a joke where do baby apes sleep in apricots there was a new baby in the house and planet of the apes was on i told my dad he wasn't a musical comedy duo and he told it on stage that night apparently it got the best laugh man that duo must really suck if that was the best laugh of the night [Music] hey hey hey what's going on welcome back to mk i'm your favorite host robin i'm just kidding and today we're going to be taking a look at r that happened well you know the rest nothing happens here let's get in there yesterday i was buying some shoes and the cashier was a hot babe i used the alpha male technique i learned and carefully approached her oh yikes already at that moment she knew i wasn't playing when i finally reached her i stretched looked her in the eyes and said yo babe wanna hang out she giggled and said um sure i yawned and said when are you free babe her cheeks got red and she said anytime strong guy we agreed to meet up and i'm so happy no you're lost that name fits you so well the first time i saw beyonce was in the elevator of my building my dad was talking to her she said you really don't know who i am he said wait you seriously don't know who i am she was dying invited us to her 21st birthday party that night i don't think beyonce would be mean enough to say you really don't know who i am i don't know i don't know or maybe she is but i doubt it oh my god my friend had jury duty today and when they told her to put her hand on the bible she started to scream ah it burns us it burns us and everyone was staring and she just laughed and one religious lady in the jury even fainted if you think women can't troll you're wrong yeah your friend totally did that in a courtroom yeah on the other hand my seven-year-old watching horrible histories on the space race daddy what is communism after 20 seconds he says wide-eyed capitalism is evil that'll do kid that'll do yikes this lady at jamba juice cut me in line and the worker saw so when it was my time to order he goes congrats you were the 18th customer today you get a free drink of choice omfg her face ah this one i do of believe i've done stuff like that when working behind the counter at places before my son worked at a predominantly female office his senior year in high school he actually figured out his co-workers cycles and would leave them chocolates on their desks at just the right time he's 31 now and very aware and sympathetic to what his female friends go through okay you're toeing the line a little bit but nobody clapped so we're already well ahead credit 20th century fox wait what's going on here people are sharing their strangest encounters as food delivery drivers what did some guy try to deliver a pizza to darth vader but it didn't quite work out like he hoped i took a big pizza order to a college dorm once it was just under 200 i knew exactly where the room was so i knocked and the guy opened it and said hold on and close the door i heard an alarming amount of movement in the tiny dorm and about two minutes later they opened the door with no lights on in the dorm was around 15 dudes all in cloaks holding lightsabers one addressed me as master jedi of the zaw technique i was laughing so hard i almost dropped their drinks they tipped me like a hundred bucks and said i could join their club anytime it was amazing yeah again this one does seem kind of believable have you been to a college dorm psychopaths y'all i got the best ding dong of my life last night i tried to send this man 30 this morning like lunch on me king and he sent it right back to me plus 50 and said no lunch on me good morning sure 19. i was sitting in a medical gown and the male doctor walked in greeted my male fiance and asked about the reason for our visit i stood up my gown falling open to reveal my nakedness extended my hand and said good afternoon i'm here to have some moles removed and you have one chance to correct that lovely dose of everyday misogyny before i make a scene the doctor swallowed hard and looked back at my fiance i cleared my throat as my fiance tipped his head toward me the doctor apologized pretty damn quick yeah sure sweetheart last night my husband was drunk and he texted me this you're the hottest girlfriend i've ever had i'm your wife oh my god that's awesome a little girl was waiting in line to meet princess elsa at disney world when her turn came up she was greeted with disgust when the frozen princess saw her trump 2020 t-shirt bullsh right off the bat she demanded that the poor little girl be removed by security as she was being dragged away she screamed to her now ex-favorite character i didn't know you were the princess of communist china the whole line clapped copy and paste this into your status if you're glad that some young people are raised right i'd be proud to call her my daughter i hear they're confiscating mega hats at the door come and take it mickey mouse you piece of [ __ ] rat all right i like that last line but i have been to disneyland right after a trump rally across the street and let me tell you they don't give a sh off also maybe if you don't like the mouse so much don't spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars to go to one of his theme parks maybe i don't know i was sleeping with a teacher uh-huh i didn't say a word but everyone would ask me or give me thumbs up the last thing i wanted was for her to get busted i was 16 in 11th grade and she was hard we were never caught and she was never asked by the school but that rumor went on even through 12th grade then i graduated and we agreed to end it before she was caught what an amazing two years don't lie you can say it's the lunch lady we get it my friend decided to turn lesbian a few weeks ago and now for god's sake and today we were arguing about it and i said do you really want to be 50 and not have kids it was like a light went off in her head suddenly she was crying on the floor i hope it's not too late to find a man she said i'm gonna be fine at 50 years old with no kids watch me having the time of my life and having all of my money one time when i was seven i went to this big department store and there were giant rugs hanging from the ceiling and you could move them to see more rugs so i moved one and there was an employee sitting behind it eating a bag of doritos and i screamed and started crying and the store gave us a free rug i got fired because of you yeah sure you did i was on a train in spain when the news of dr seuss's death was announced our whole car started singing the one fish two fish verse in at least four different languages no that did not happen [ __ ] you it did not happen shut up my history professor is the worst he was trying to tell us how people in europe knew the earth was round since aristotle's time i explained to him it was columbus who discovered the earth was round he saw ships disappearing in the distance and realized that the earth was not flat but round my professor looked down to the ground and it looked like tears were welling up on his eyes people in the class all started nodding they knew i was right must suck having a student smarter than the teacher wow i well i have very few words for most of these but some of them are so blatant that i just genuinely got nothing lmao this post reminds me of that one time my professor was teaching us some stupid quadratic equations so i asked my professor why the schmuck are we learning about the stupid quadratic formula i told him i wanted to be a game designer not a quadratic calculator and told him his life has been a waste from learning maths my professor started whimpering and thought what the heck he was doing all the years he abruptly ended class and told us we should now actually follow our passions beth most cutest girl started cheering for me from then i was the most popular kid in my school that's gotta be a copy pasta i refuse to believe anything otherwise team member of the month goes to my four-year-old daughter she could see the frustration on my face she asked if i was upset i said yes i'm so frustrated about that's when she smiles and hits me with he who is slow to anger is stronger than the mighty i almost choked up i taught her this sometime last year i guess i'd completely forgotten about it but she didn't and her timing could not have been any better she just turned four no she didn't say that but nice try though if you ever feel sad just remember my friend and his girlfriend peeled 102 garlic cloves for a recipe and then realized it said one to two garlic cloves yeah i don't get how they could not have read that there's no room for miscommunication unless you specifically did it as a prank but hey you still don't have enough garlic there i am 13. i have hacked three of my school teacher's grading accounts if i get caught what are the consequences well don't worry about it since literally none of that has happened you don't just don't bother don't bother okay just live your life 13 year old i beat the crap out of a cop once for being an a-hole and since he touched me first he got arrested and i got off fine and by got off fine i don't just mean the pleasant absence of any charges or court dates the female officers were quite pleased with my achievement of getting rid of him did everyone clap after thank you thank you this chick at work gave me a pill for my headache and i haven't blinked in six hours girl you going to jail y'all i just came out of the hospital it was crack why does that one feel believable as well when your mom finds one of your papers from kindergarten all right let's see oh come on michael great sentences the word is deck yeah i believe that one fully there's a rumor going around my school that a girl in choir got suspended for fingering herself in class when i was in grade school some kid got suspended for jerking it in the back of our science class and then they separated our classes by gender and the guys just started doing mass jerk-offs and protests wow um you're [ __ ] gross you're gross you may have been trying to be funny but it wasn't funny it was just gross sorry hate when i'm buying magnum condoms for my extra-large dong at the 7-eleven and the clerk's like damn you again ain't you buy that 12-pack last night bro chill why does it have so many [ __ ] likes hot damn i just got back from my karate class and lifting three blm antifa atheist hooligans confronting me about my christian beliefs oh this is getting spicy i believe these three atheists were also transgendered i told them if they messed with the bull they would get the horns they soon left my male cat brought his kitten home after quarreling with his girlfriend stories like this wouldn't gain any traction whatsoever if facebook didn't exist you know the website that's almost exclusively used by the most gullible generations in humans history that's right you know who i'm talking about south korea is one of the safest and most peaceful countries in the world i live in south korea doubt and i once left my phone on the train luckily this middle school kid gave me my phone back and i asked his and hers name because they were twins so they told me their names and their names were shiro and shira i know i pronounced those wrong but i don't care this story's fake and their parents invited me to dinner in their house and gave me ten dollars that's why i love my country very very much wow you made you made ten bucks hooray for you when i was five years old my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life when i went to school they asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up i wrote down happy they told me i didn't understand the assignment and i told them they didn't understand life is that actually one of his quotes why do i have a sneaky suspicion that's not actually one of his quotes he's probably abraham lincoln or something stupid you know how the internet works mario kart wii no lie when i passed my driver's test i put coconut mall on my speaker and the whole dmv started dancing and vibing even the dmv employees right that was the best time to use this the employees didn't even get mad at me everyone was laughing and having fun best way to get my license i don't think you've ever set foot inside a dmv friend we're literally at the first ride in disneyland and some guy walks up and asks me to marry him it's stupid the whole time we were there two guys offered me modeling contracts one guy offered me a part in a spielberg movie the president of vogue magazine yeah this is a copy past that's not funny anymore a co-worker asked me why are you single you're the nicest sweetest guy i know i responded with well thank you maybe others don't see me like you do you are married after all she does have a good point though what does that mean what are you talking about words from my five-year-old alice who does not eat mushrooms when are you going mushrooming i think you don't really like the ones in the shop it's because the ones we forage they hold memories memories of the forest memories of the roots you know that does kind of sound like something a five-year-old would say but but also not you know what i mean anybody ever accidentally makes six figures from business without intending to i wanted to spend time with my kids instead of working the average price of homes were 160k in my market last year missouri i'm not mad what a humblebrag you did anybody ever accidentally become a billionaire by selling roses that are used online no it was just me silly me okay doing that actually kind of hurt yo monster is actually so good my friend bought me monster because i'm 13 and got me high as hell like i was laughing and doing stupid stuff all over the place and my english teacher asked me why are my eyes so red like i'm high leave me alone you drank a monster a monster i have more caffeine in my cup of coffee in the morning kid what are you talking about look at this kid legitimately thinks he was high if we ever give him real caffeinated beverages he might actually die walking down the supermarket aisle wearing my navy ball cap guy in a maga hat walking the other direction towards me him thank you for your service me not missing a beat get traitor the flabbergasted look on his face was freaking priceless it was priceless because you made it up and it could look however you wanted you see when you're the author of the story you can say whatever you want especially on the internet facebook will try to censor me again they sent a man looking for ted mac last week and nearly found me last week i hacked the system files on my phone what i found was infrared 3d scans of my entire house an organism an organism was enabling the 3d through i found the 2d files and intersected them to build a 3d picture of the entire room that the phone is in with thermal imaging wow okay this is basic police technology that they hide from you but i know it's technology that was developed during the 2001 odyssey mission on mars okay yep 3d thermal imaging the big deal of it is a synthetic chimera i thought you pronounced that right of a fungus and a virus cell phones are connecting to the synthetic life form that goes in your skin and out into the atmosphere to give 3d maps of interior spaces it's an esoteric bio weapon i really hope they're not trying to censor you because that's hilarious man you could fill a book with craziness like this last night i ordered a pizza with pepperoni mushrooms olives onions and peppers and this is how it arrived yeah you can specifically ask them to do that almost every pizza joint allows you to do that 9-1-1 operators have read it what are some of the funniest things someone has called for my cousin's a 9-1-1 operator this happened between them so this kid called and said hello yes my dad asked shot my mama my cousin said is she alive i need your address babes oh no she's alive it was with something called a nerf gun she's laughing my cousin basically said can we join the kids said yes and basically the police and some adults had a nerf gun fight yeah we're moving on my friend showed me his ps5 which i know isn't a real thing yesterday so i pulled out a hammer and smashed it the cardboard case broke and confetti and glitter flew everywhere his dumb ass legit thought i'd buy it stay woke what rps5 is not real what have i been playing with this whole time i never realized just how freaky kangaroos look why don't we double check with the editor really quick do they really look that freaky in real life one time my dad and my dog went for a hike and then a kangaroo came out of nowhere and punched my dad and my dog almost died i was so mad that i used all my strength and punched the kangaroo in the stomach and it ran away dude the amount of big buff dudes i've watched square up with kangaroos on youtube over the years leads me to believe that kangaroo didn't go anywhere i got fired from mcdonald's for creating my own personalized burger and selling it to the customers they said it was against store policy the customers got so pissed they created a petition to get me rehired and my sandwich put on the official menu in our store corporate zero me one did you get rehired though like you left that out of the story my absolutely perfect five-year-old cousin you're all invited to the wedding who's getting married then playing with dolls harry and jack haha they can't get married dear why not because two men can't marry it's wrong says who says god well i'm going to worship satan no she didn't say that come on had a homeless guy tell me do a kickflip since we were talking about things we weren't going to do when i said get a job he just stared at the ground embarrassed i fully believe that something like this would have happened but how does this make you look [ __ ] cool at all do a kick flip kid get a job [ __ ] oh oh my f whatever oh it's a rant and r slash teenagers here we go so i was in my online class and my teacher just finished taking attendance so i played my favorite song and started singing along then i started hearing clapping and realized my mic was on the whole time by the way my singing voice is like the sound of a dying animal the way my heart just dropped i feel seen too drunk steve please drink this bottle of water before bed and you can have chicken wings in the fridge hangover steve will thank you from sober steve screw you sober steve i do what i want sober stevie's a little bit yeah sober steve is a little bit you can't make this crap up oh i beg to differ let's see we're driving in a car with my dad and he just says you're suss and plays the among us drip song okay god damn it i'm never eating an edible again i watched a whole movie on mutant started crying because i thought i was deaf you must have had one giant edible dude how did your driving theory test go man funny you ask i was the last one this morning and the guy was already angry because i made him wait he was telling us all the rules etc and he was like you need 44 out of 50 to pass i was like is that it he gave us an hour and i finished in 16 minutes and get this i only answered 44 and he was like you still have to answer six questions and i said nah i know what i've got is right so why do more he shook his head and submitted the answers he gasped when he saw i passed and said no one has ever done that before i told him to give me the paper and shut up right you a tough boy huh i'm just sitting here remembering the time i got so bored i crushed up tic tacs really finely and ejected them thinking it wouldn't do crap but i ended up tripping for about three hours and i woke up with a guy's number and an email from a car dealership confirming my order for a ferrari tic-tacs what the hell is in tic-tacs just ran into harry styles at the tigers game and he gave me a hundred dollars to get him two beers and i took the money and left i wasn't at the tigers game cool story though thanks harry he cheated so i screwed his dad then he keyed my car and popped the tires so i smashed his ps5 then he smashed the windows at my house so i screwed his brother so he killed my cat oh my god so i pressed charges and he had to go to jail for a month but he wants me back and i still love him so i'ma go say hi you know sounds like a really great relationship guys really great good for you and on that fantastic note we've come to the end of another video ladies and gents but before we get going let's take a look at today's fan art mk fan art i know it sucks hey whoa who said that better not have been you i know i didn't say it i know nobody here is thinking it it's great and i want to see more always remember ladies and gents if you even somewhat enjoyed this video consider dropping a like down below and if you really enjoyed it well then make sure to get yourself subscribed and click that bell icon and hey if you're feeling super generous why not check out my links in the description down below i'd love to have you over my personal channel and until next time i'll catch you later

Channel: EmKay

Views: 362,362

Rating: 4.9669843 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, Thathappened

Id: mybJMnlmTMg

Length: 21min 8sec (1268 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 27 2021