r/Storiesaboutkevin This Is The DUMBEST Person On Earth!

welcome to our slash stories about Kevin now you're probably wondering what the heck is our slash stories about Kevin well that's because I've never covered this subreddit before and it's a relatively smaller subreddit but the basic idea is people tell stories about the dumbest people they've ever encountered and for whatever reason they always call the dumb people in the stories Kevin I assume it's in reference to the Kevin from the office anyways there are some super funny stories in the subreddit so let's dive right in our first post is from always a misspell this Kevin has been in my life since age six we grew up as friends and I have many stories this one is my favorite Kevin got a job at a gas station and fast food place during his first week there they were training him on a sandwich line he said everything was going well and he had the manager there with him to help him out he finally gets his first customer the guy ordered steak and cheese keep in mind that a steak and cheese sub is Kevin's favorite food and he makes good ones at home so it should be no issue for him well Kevin makes the Man sandwich and even the manager comments on his good job making it right as he was about to wrap the sandwich the customer notices that he forgot to cut the sandwich and asked Kevin to do it kevin says oh yeah I forgot sorry about that then proceeded to lay this up down on its side and cuts the sub long ways the manager and the customer are now just both staring at Kevin in complete disbelief finally the manager asks him why he got the sandwich like that and Kevin responds with that's how you showed me that was not how he was shown so the manager and customer at this point start to laugh about it the manager explains that in no way shape or form were you trained that way he didn't tells Kevin he can keep this up for himself and made the customer another one Kevin makes another perfect sub and begins to wrap it up when the customer notices for a second time he didn't cut it now to this day none of us could figure out what went through Kevin's my maybe he thought it would get a good laugh maybe he was super hungry and thought he would get another free sandwich all we know is that he laid the second sub down on its side and cut it long ways again both the manager and the customer were upset by this point and the manager sent Kevin away and made the sub himself Kevin was removed from the substation permanently and made into a cashier that shift which there are more stories about now when I finally confronted Kevin about this story other friends were around too I had to ask him Kevin if you had a long day at work and you're starving so you stopped to pick up a steak and cheese on the way home and right before they hand you what looks to be a delicious sub they cut it in half like the way you did would you accept the sub Kevin infinite emphatically said with a look of disgust on his face f no I wouldn't take that sandwich he didn't understand our hysterical laughter I actually have my own story about this I'm pretty sure I haven't told the story on my youtube channel before if I have I'm really really sorry but when I was young like a teenager I used to work at Subway so this lady comes in and she's like hey I want a chicken sandwich on white bread and I'm like cool ha ha ha I'm like cool footlong or six-inch and she looks at me this woman looks at me dead in the eye and says what's the difference and at this point I'm stuck because I don't know how to answer this question without making her sound like a complete [ __ ] so I just look at her and I'm like um well ma'am one of them is a footlong and one of them is a six-inch and she goes oh ok then I'll have the footlong that's a footlong right and I'm like yes ma'am it's a footlong our next post is from the same Opie always a misspell about the same Kevin so this particular Kevin like most Kevin's didn't have a filter whatsoever he was known for singing and yelling inappropriate stuff Kevin would scream butthole then get in trouble and yell it even more Kevin would fart as loud as possible at every occasion Kevin once told his mom that he wouldn't go to prom because no one would hug him passionately Kevin at a child's birthday party in front of the parents wouldn't stop talking about breastfeeding he he kept saying I was breastfed up until my dad caught me he shortly after started to yell that one of the children there was breastfed from the tallywhacker the laughter of course only encouraged this behavior the worst though was his use of the term rape face a little background on why he loved that word one day while a group of friends of mine who all knew Kevin were hanging out someone pointed out Kevin would get this weird look on his face sometimes the best description I can give is from that movie Full Metal Jacket remember when the crazy dude went into the bathroom and started monologuing right before he spoiler redacted that crazy look on his face that was the look to make things worse he kind of looked like the actor well we often refer to that as his rape face he overheard us talking about it and thought it was hilarious and started to use the term quite often fast forward a few years later when Kevin developed a drug habit that eventually got him busted when he was arrested he was trying to hide the drugs in his crotch the cops saw and pulled him out of the car window while he screamed I'm just scratching my balls he was forced into a state rehab program through drug court and attended Narcotics Anonymous type meetings regularly one day in one of these meetings the group was asked what they did to start their day to prepare to be drug free kevin says well I wake up and immediately take a steaming hot shower then I get in front of the mirror and give myself a nice clean shave I look in the mirror put on my rape phase and attack the day the person running the meeting told Kevin to not use that term that it was inappropriate unfortunately though someone chuckled the first time he said it giving Kevin the green light he needed Kevin felt the need to defend the phrase the woman running the meeting gives everyone a 5-minute break and takes Kevin out in the hall she explains to Kevin the extent on why saying that is inappropriate she told him that most likely at least one woman in the room had been sexually assaulted and that he should be respectful and not joke around with the word like that Kevin agreed and said he wouldn't do it again the meeting starts back up and this time they are all going around the circle telling the stories of their lowest point it gets to one guy and he tells a tragic story about how he failed at everything in life and eventually tried to kill himself by stepping off a bridge he survived the fall and noted that he even failed at his own suicide and that was his lowest point Kevin decided this was the perfect time to chime in you know you wouldn't have failed that day if you would have just put on your rape face before you jumped Kevin expected laughter kevin was kicked out of the meeting the meeting leader told the judge at drug court what he did Kevin was sentenced to three days in jail because he wouldn't stop saying rape face so the only thing I want to know did Kevin stop saying rape face amazingly we have yet another story from always a misspelled about the same Kevin okay so to state what should be obvious Kevin wasn't much of a ladies man during high school Kevin was obsessed with getting laid one by one as he saw each of his friends get girlfriends he asked himself why them not me I would try to explain that girls don't want to date the poop joke dude who farts everywhere he wins by the time he took that advice to heart it was too late for high school prospects post-high school Kevin became obsessed with working out and got into really good shape he went to the gym so much he eventually got a job there and that's where he met Vee Kevin started giving be rides home because she doesn't have a car and eventually he asked her out she says yes Kevin comes to us bragging about his new girlfriend of course we are all extremely interested in who would actually date Kevin so we started interrogating him about her the best part about this whole thing was that when Kevin mentioned she was from Haiti a good friend of ours immediately joked that she is probably a scam artist man if that joke wasn't prophetic so these two were a mess from the start she told Kevin that her parents were ridiculously strict and wouldn't let her date so they would have to keep it a secret I'm pretty sure that was somewhat true so they did a lot of sneaking around at first they could go to Kevin's place Kevin grew in that when they decided to have sex while she was on her period Kevin in an attempt to prevent stains lay down a towel his father's fancy monogrammed towels his father found the towels Kevin didn't even wash them Kevin told the truth about why the towels were bloody Kevin was not allowed to have girls over anymore a few days later we invite Kevin over to hang out and when he shows up he is a nasty sweaty mess with no shirt on he tries to sit on my buddy's couch and that turned ugly pretty quick my friend tells Kevin he is not to sit anywhere without putting a shirt on and that it's rude as anything to be that nasty and sit on people's furniture Kevin was upset Kevin then goes on to yell about after he was done working out him and me hooked up in his car and his shirt was covered in waffle batter and with the supreme confidence that he had made his case he sat down on the couch he was immediately kicked out of the house a few more days go by and we run into Kevin again he explained that V has to pay bills to live with her mom and she was broke and that he was giving her like half his paycheck every week he wanted us to loan him money we didn't we tried to explain to Kevin that he doesn't make enough to pay for this girl's bills he didn't listen well over the next few weeks she bleeds Kevin dry she loses her job because Kevin couldn't give her rides to work and started asking for even more money at this point Kevin is trying to mooch off his friends and we tell him we aren't paying for anything to help him out while he is giving all his money to B now we don't know if he finally listened to us or just fell behind on his own bills but he stopped giving money to be V within days of no longer being paid tells Kevin that her mom found out they were together and they had to break up Kevin went into panic mode Kevin begins calling her constantly trying to figure out a way to be together Kevin finds out that not only is she breaking up with him but she was moving away to be with family in New York City Kevin explained to all of us that he was moving to New York City to be a bus driver and live with V we of course told him he was an idiot he of course wouldn't listen a few weeks go by and Kevin saves up about 400 to 500 bucks in order to start a new life in New York City he then starts begging all of us for a four-hour round-trip ride to a bus station that will take him there as a joke some of us said sure but that we would need gas money knowing he wouldn't pay up well eventually he guilts one of us to give him a ride and makes his way to the big city he makes it to New York he finds B they see each other for about 30 minutes she asks for a couple hundred dollars he pays up she tells him she has to deal with some family stuff and gives Kevin an address to her cousin's house tells him he can crash there while they figure out their new life Kevin makes it to the cousins house the guy charges Kevin $100 to sleep on his floor Kevin pays up the next day he calls B no answer no answer all day long Kevin pays another $100 to sleep on this guy's floor he calls B no answer all day Kevin is now broke he takes his last bit of money and buys a bus ticket home Kevin had quit his job they didn't want him back Kevin was now girlfriendless Carles and jobless if only Kevin would ever listen my great grandmother used to say that boy so dumb he couldn't find his butt with both hands in his back pockets I think that applies to this Kevin and believe it or not we have another story from always a misspell about this same Kevin okay so this story takes place when Kevin and I were around 13 years old Kevin calls me one day asking if I want to come over and hang out I say sure and head over when I get there to my delight I found out Kevin's mom had got Kevin a ton of fireworks from her out-of-state trip this included waterproof firecrackers we set a bunch off had a blast then we found some puddles to throw the waterproof ones in good fun as well after a while we were this guy oh my god after a while we went inside for lunch then his mom went outside to work in the garden this is when Kevin says to me hey you know what would be awesome putting a waterproof firecracker in the toilet now at this point in my friendship with Kevin I started to notice well that Kevin was a Kevin and needed someone to look out for him at times so instead of doing the childish thing and encouraged this blade - error in thought I tried to dissuade him I told him I learned that shockwaves are stronger in water and might blow your toilet up my military dad told me kevin said no way I then told him you know those old high school movies where kids talk about blowing up the school toilets with cherry bombs well I'm pretty sure that's what these firecrackers are like Kevin again says no way but this time he decided to tack on that he was at a mutual friend's house the day before and they did it with no issue now I was pretty mad after he said that because I was at the mutual friends house the day before I knew he was lying and I wasn't happy about it so I said f it dawg bombs away Kevin lit the fuse and dropped it in the toilet cracked in half water went everywhere all the blood in Kevin's face drained away and he had the look of a man who knew he was about to die my face on the other hand was beet red from hysterical crying laughter I must have laughed for at least 10 minutes straight with an occasional I told you so in between after I calmed down we went to tell his mom what had happened Kevin begged her to take the blame he had recently got in trouble with his dad and and didn't want to make it worse - my disbelief she agreed now at this point I'm waiting for my ride cuz I'm trying to get the F out before his dad gets home no luck Kevin and I quietly hide in his room waiting to hear what happens his dad spots the toilet we hear a loud what the f Kevin's mom comes over and tells him she did it he asks how sheets she tells him that she sat down too hard then silence about two seconds go by without any noise which to us felt like forever as we waited to see if he bought it then in the style of the dad from Alvin and the Chipmunks we hear his dad yell Kevin that was our slash stories about Kevin and this video is all stories about one particular Kevin but trust me that subreddit has many many more stories about many many other Kevin's so if you want to see more stories about Kevin let me know down in the comments also I am climbing my way up to 1 million subscribers so please subscribe to my channel it will help me so much

Channel: rSlash

Views: 833,989

Rating: 4.9123058 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, maliciouscompliance, malicious, compliance, r/maliciouscompliance

Id: o21LFnxr8Ro

Length: 18min 17sec (1097 seconds)

Published: Thu May 23 2019