r/Storiesaboutkevin Kevin Tries To Pet a Hungry Lion!

welcome to our slash stories about Kevin where a female Kevin tries to pet a wild lion our next reddit post is from data laughing when we were all younger and dumber one of my closest friends married the craziest Kevin I've ever met my friend had just come off of a very bad relationship that she'd been certain was going to end in marriage when in reality the guy was cheating on her while using her to support his wannabe pro golfer existence then dumped her when someone with more money came along so she was in a bad place a few months later Kevin appears the first time I met Kevin was when the two of them showed up at my apartment to announce their engagement since I'd met the previous guy that she was seriously dating the month before I knew they couldn't have been seeing each other very long turns out Kevin proposed five weeks after their first date maybe she was a bit of a Kevin too for saying yes at that point but like I said bad place it's hard for me to accurately describe Kevin without dipping into being mean because I never liked him from that first meeting it was like he really wanted to be one of those hyper masculine manly men but didn't quite know how he liked to take any opportunity to bring up in a conversation that he was a black belt I remember the first time he said it because I asked oh yeah and what and he looked at me like I was an idiot in martial arts oh right of course he would also talk at length about how much he worked out turns out he didn't actually work out at all he liked to think of himself as a car guy because he had a sports car he couldn't afford and treated it like his baby he didn't know anything about cars but he had one so car guy but the thing that really got up my nose about the guy was that he prided himself on how very smart he was he'd make the most outrageous claims with the most pigheaded certainty he just knew these things were true and if you disagree even if he showed actual physical proof that he was wrong he just condescendingly tell you that you just didn't understand these things like he did and go with his idiocy just as an example he once declare that you can't break the law at night what exactly does that mean we still don't know he wouldn't elaborate as a second example he had trouble getting a fire going in the fireplace when he was home alone one day his solution mix up some homemade napalm from a recipe he found on the Internet's it was a huge disaster set the kitchen on fire luckily my friend arrived home in time to grab the fire extinguisher yet he insisted doggedly that he knew what he was doing and really this was the best way to get the fireplace going and obviously she just didn't understand because she didn't know as much about this stuff as he did sorry I know that's a lot of setting the stage there's one last important thing to know about Kevin before we get around to the divorce as promised Kevin was a religious nut I don't mean he was crazy because he was religious I have known many wonderful intelligent religious people in my lifetime Kevin was a crazy person he uses religion as his MO he would randomly proclaim the Bible says to support whatever other crazy thing he'd said most people let him get away with it because he'll the Bible is really long and says a lot of crazy stuff who could say that somewhere in there it didn't actually say whatever insane thing he was claiming and besides who wants to confront crazy even when the claim was something insane like the Bible says that birds are the devil yes this is a thing he said one day when he was angry at Birds for some reason I was raised going to church twice a week once upon a time so I knew a bit about that particular book and I had a pathological need when I was younger to call people on their BS so we often butted heads unsurprisingly when confronted Kevin could never actually tell you where in the Bible it said that you shouldn't take the first slice of pizza yep he said that too but it didn't decrease his certainty that it was there so as anyone but the two of them could have predicted the marriage didn't last he became increasingly erratic beating her from speaking to friends including me because the Bible says so hitting her because the Bible says she has to do whatever he says and that he's allowed to beat her if she doesn't stuff like that so she left and here's where the wackiest Keaveney Ginn's she gets a lawyer to initiate divorce proceedings and the first thing that comes up as the house they bought the house from his parents more precisely she bought the house from his parents he had terrible credit as a result his name wasn't on anything related to the house he also had no job meanwhile he never made a single payment on the house as far as she saw it the house was hers his mother who came into town to support her son through this misfortune and didn't see it that way they declared that the house still belonged to the mother and through all of my friends stuff out on the lawn my friend's lawyer gets a preliminary hearing date set up to determine the initial dispersion of important stuff like the house at least until the divorce proceedings get all sorted so my friend's lawyer says to Kevin have your lawyer contact me to set up a meeting before the hearing a meeting is set up and who arrived at the lawyer's office but Kevin dressed in jeans and a windbreaker claiming to be mr. steel the lawyer I kid you not he decided he'd be his own lawyer and call himself mr. steel which isn't his name I don't know how the initial meeting went but when the time for the hearing came kevin was once again acting as his own attorney this time I can only assume he wasn't working under a pseudonym keep in mind the rest of this is totally going off of her story to me immediately after the hearing Kevin and his mother arrived 20 minutes late not at all dressed for Court just casual jeans and shirts the first thing he says when he walks in is can I approach the bench why the judge asks because I have some receipts so my friend gets called to the stand her lawyer asked a bunch of questions illustrating just how crazy Kevin is and how bad things had gotten and about the house and stuff then Kevin since he's the lawyer gets to cross-examine his first question is it not true that you were beaten as a child her lawyer said objection sustained the question had nothing to do with anything other questions included is it not true that you were seeing a psychiatrist and on medication for depression no it's not true she'd never seen a mental health professional I'm not sure if he thought he might trick her into lying on that one or if he was so crazy that he actually thought it was true he asked a bunch of other ridiculous questions which her lawyer let him ask because they were completely out of nowhere and just helped prove to the judge how nuts he was then he takes a stand her lawyer gets him to admit to pretty much everything they said he did because it was all true but he refuses to give specific answers to some of the more serious questions he doesn't say no he just doesn't want to give specifics then he gets to make a statement his statement is how he doesn't want a divorce and also she was abusive to him such as pinching him once when they were on the highway also the Bible says that she's his wife so she has to do whatever he wants and the divorce is bad how can the judge make him get a divorce when the Bible says not to apparently he went on in this vein for a while she just gave me a couple of highlights needless to say the initial hearing did not go his way she ended up getting the house in the short-term and a protective order against him after he admitted in court to his violence against her the Bible says it's okay though after this he dragged his feet at every point in the process for more than six months he wouldn't show up to things or would refuse to sign things until the last possible moments he moved to a different city and apparently joined the Army Reserve when my friend found out about this her lawyer contacted someone there to point out that he wasn't allowed to be around weapons or something like that because of the protective order the lawyer even contacted him and offered to drop the protective order so he could stay in if he just agreed to finish the divorce proceedings in a timely manner Kevin refused in the end he got pretty much nothing and quietly disappeared I know this subreddit is stories about people who are like Kevin the office but this guy showing up to the lawyer meeting to defend himself and calling himself mr. Steele is the most Michael Scott thing I've ever heard in real life our next reddit post is from Timmy 94 so today while at work our local Kevin approached us looking very down in the dumps now most people know Kevin most people try to avoid him but today I decided to ask him about his depressed look on his face hi Kevin what's wrong I well I'm getting a divorce oh why what happened I took my two children to do DNA tests turns out they aren't mine I tried to hold in my laughter I tried to calmly explain to him that his children most definitely are not his you see these two children are his stepchildren Kevin did not understand this the children see their father on a regular basis and he thought that somehow his DNA would be present in them because he had them since they were very young Oh Kevin you poor sweet soul our next reddit post is from red stiletto this happened in South Africa I'm from the United States but traveled for an internship to South Africa one of my fellow interns was a cabina though she was only 17 so maybe there's hope she'll grow up we worked on a boat in the Mossel Bay which is home to hundreds of great white sharks at first I thought she was just being a lazy teen who didn't think that she'd be made to work on an internship she refused to do the more disgusting tasks such as Chum the water and secure a tuna head and usually took the role of photographer every time she opened her mouth I rolled my eyes she couldn't think fast which was pretty important when there's sharks around and you're trying to attach a GoPro to their dorsal fin but the real moment I knew she was a cabina was the weekend we got to go on a safari one of the single most amazing days of my life we saw every African animal one might imagine on such an adventure including the African steer yes a cow they came right up to our truck and poked their head against those sitting on the sides our guide informed us that we touched him if he wanted to the petting of the cows lasted far longer than I would have liked don't get me wrong I love animals but I have cows at home I don't have elephants lions zebras etc at home it's important to note that cabina was sitting behind me in the very back row of a three row extended truck she was sitting high up in like a stadium seat where each row is higher than the one before it so everyone can see I was in the first row closer to the ground in front of her with one person in between us we went off to see other animals and do other things even passing the cows again where she whined that she wanted to stop and touch them she began trying to touch every animal we saw after that which was fine and stupid yeah sure you just try to reach for the water but that's only a hundred meters away you might graze its fur then we came upon the Lions Lions are very lazy so it was relatively the same idea of yeah honey keep dreaming but our guide did warn us though as long as we're in the vehicle were not prey but anything outside the vehicle would be considered food he he yelled at her a few times to keep her arm in but she did it when he wasn't watching she kept chanting here kitty kitty and going on about how soft they would be the lioness lazily got up and some poor dear like animal caught her eye and she started to stalk it I was so excited thinking I get to witness a lion hunting the guide drove off a couple hundred feet and place us between the lioness and her prey okay less excited now as his lioness was stalking her prey and is coming right for me since I was on the edge the guide tells us that she's using us as cover and will come right along the side of the truck she does and it's amazing coming up by me and then going around the front of the cab then I see the two male lions get up to slowly follow again I was nervous but more excited this time they do the same using the truck as cover but they go around the back I follow them with my camera and seek Avena reaching out towards the hunting lion at trying to pet it I snap a picture as I quietly tell her to get her arm back in the harshness of my voice and the other sudden protests make her pull her arm in and sulk back at the camp she got mad at me saying she wasn't reaching and I made her look like an idiot which is when I passed around the picture of her reaching for the lion and she shut up I could go on but this is already longer than I wanted so I'll just say I was very glad when cabina went home I love this comment from already taken she wasn't so much trying to pet the lion as she was trying to beat it our next reddit post is from Mike the ghost I attended a birthday party for my stepsister's boyfriend Kevin at their place the first few hours of the party go well while we're there and all's fine until the boyfriend pulls out two black-powder rifles to show to another party goer this happens while there are children in the room mine included I don't say anything initially and listen to Kevin explain the functionality of the gun well it escalates a bit further when after giving a brief discussion Kevin decides to point the gun towards the other end of the room with the end of the barrel just less than a foot away from the head of the other child in the room a little older than two years old with his finger on the trigger meanwhile the father of the child in the room with us is watching and says nothing while this is happening and the first person to speak is another friend of my sister's who says please don't point the gun like that with your finger on the trigger right next to what child Kevin responds with don't lecture me on how to handle my firearms in my own home he lives in an apartment my friend then decides to go to the room where my sister is and tells her what happened I'm just staring at this guy in the most confused state I've ever been in still trying to process what just happened and what I watched him do for the record this guy is also prior military and claims to have extensive experience with guns more than most he was in the Coast Guard my sister comes into the living room and tells him that he shouldn't do what he just did he says the same thing as before trying to impose a thority over everyone in his house that's when I decided to chime in I say being a military man myself I and believe you would act so immature as to point a weapon in the vicinity of a child a toddler no less being prior military you should know well enough what the hell trigger discipline is and you have shown zero responsibility while holding a deadly weapon it's not just some toy to show off it has the potential to kill anyone if something were to happen beyond your control if you were to point any weapon towards or near my daughter I don't give an F if it's your house or not I will lay you out on your butt and treat you like a threat that's a promise after I spoke he paused for a moment turned his head to the side and said all right party's over time for everyone to leave so we left and I stood a bit trying to calm myself down when I got home no apology no attempt to reconcile nothing he just shut down acting like he did nothing wrong and retreated to his bedroom while my sister cried in the bathroom I'm incredibly frustrated with this guy because he's showing a ton of red flags that make me concerned for my sister's safety here's a life hack for all my listeners out there don't point guns at children because that's how you end up beaten up in jail or sometimes the subject of a reddit post that was our slash stories about Kevin and if you like this content then check out my patreon where I publish extra exclusive videos also hit that subscribe button because I put on new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 452,217

Rating: 4.950861 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, aita, storiesaboutkevin, r/storiesaboutkevin, storiesaboutkevin posts, storiesaboutkevin funny, stories about kevin, dumb, dumb people, stupid people, stupid

Id: kECI3JbVKCo

Length: 16min 58sec (1018 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 14 2020