r/Storiesaboutkevin Idiot Karen Thinks She Found the Cure For Covid-19

welcome to our slash stories about kevin where a lady discovers the cure to the coronavirus our next reddit post is from username is taken kavina kabina believes that ireland is a myth so this covina is a peculiar breed she appears to have been involved in a freak accident that removed all common sense and basic understanding from her mind the title is one of the many famous ideas she maintains to this day what makes her stand out from the crowd is her ability to maintain her opinion even in the face of irrefutable evidence here's some of her best 1. ireland is a myth covina believes that ireland is made up in a conspiracy theory because potatoes come from the store not disgusting mud [Laughter] she's british and we both live in britain however i'm irish i showed her my irish passport and photos of me in ireland yet she still thinks it's photoshopped three months ago i caught kavina crying i asked her what's wrong and she said she didn't have long to live i obviously asked her to elaborate and she said i was giving myself a tattoo with a highlighter and a needle and i was told i would get ink poisoning she ended up going home and wrote a will on her instagram story she lived 3. kavina had a huge crush on a guy we both knew she decided to ask him out because hey kevin's in convenience deserve love too she decided to message him on instagram so if it backfired she could say that her friend sent the message her words not mine she accidentally found the wrong account of a guy with the same name a married guy kavina refuses to accept it was the wrong person and messaged them every day until she was blocked 4. kavina is terrified that if there's a nuclear war the wind might blow the missile the wrong way and hit us and that trite and that trident submarines might sail under a country yes she believes that you can go under a country as there isn't anything underneath the land 5. she refuses to believe that london is in the southeast of england because when i went there the satellite navigation pointed forwards 6. she believes that northern ireland shares a border with england and when shown proof proclaims that maps are all drawn wrong wait wait kavina believes that ireland is a myth but she thinks that northern ireland does exist 7. she doesn't understand how sex offenders get caught as they could just lie about their asian court and get away with it she doesn't know what a birth certificate is and says she never got one eight she greeted a french exchange student with bad german and shouted speak english or find a new job in france at a french ice cream man 9. kavina is a vegetarian or so she says but allows herself to eat pork and chicken and beef as they don't count she laughed at me when i said that gelatin is from cows and is in her repos and said that haribo's come from factories dummy she also doesn't realize cows live after being milked and assumed they cut the cow open and there was just a bit of it called milk that's all i can think of right now thanks for reading and hope you have a nice day well i'm glad that this covina is wrong about cows because otherwise every time a mom wanted to feed her baby she'd have to chop off one of her boobs our next reddit post is from cirrus moth my family is full of kevins and racists but that's for another sub this is one of my favorite stories i like to tell and i can't believe i haven't posted it here yet i went to college in central new york where my school was situated on the banks of lake ontario for those not from the us it's one of the great lakes and is in between the us and canada as for the great part it's effing huge approximately 50 miles between the countries at its widest thus standing at the bank where my school is you can't see the other side my mother and aunt drove me to campus on move-in day having never been to the school before i directed my aunt to drive the long way along the edge of campus so we could get a good look at the lake the view was impressive the following conversation however reminded me solidly why i needed college and to move far away from my hometown my mom said what's that river that's lake ontario mom i wonder if you'll see whales i don't think they come this far inland what if you get a good pair of binoculars if you can find a pair that can see the atlantic from here i'm gonna be really impressed cue several minutes of explanation about giant lakes and the fact that a whale wouldn't survive swimming up a freshwater river all that way even if it was large enough to accommodate a freaking whale i only wish it was a time of smartphone so i could have brought up a map this reminds me one time i went to a big barbecue and the barbecue was next to a lake well more like a pond it was probably like a hundred feet across and there was this little kid maybe like six to eight years old and he was playing by the side of the pond and as i was walking by i said careful kid there's great white sharks in that pond he looked surprised for a second then looked at the pond looked at me looked back at the pond and then said to me no there aren't so op i think that your mom and aunt know less about geography than a six-year-old our next reddit post is from careful improvement i posted about an idiot vandal last night and it reminded me about this guy i used to employ i own a midsize bowling alley with about 10 employees kevin was 19 when this happened i hired him after losing two employees in a week so i was desperate for somebody he did so much damage it was worse than no employee here's some of kevin's greatest hits [Laughter] he was caught humping a bowling ball in the break room kevin intentionally forgot to put oil on the lanes because he read somewhere that it would make the ball blow up and he thought that would be cool kevin eventually got removed from anything except for serving food and drink i figured this would be okay oops that was a mistake pretty soon on the first day i put him on duty serving food for a full shift a woman comes up to the counter and asks to see a manager confused i asked her what happened she tells me her pizza is too dry to eat you know where this is headed i go to check on kevin but he blocks the entrance to the back room with his body and yells to the woman at the counter we used a new tomato sauce i immediately panic this is clearly a lie we don't make our own pizzas they're food service i push past him and discover this [ __ ] is serving the customers weak old pizza that's been sitting in a cold dry room kevin tells me i didn't want to waste the food and thought you would be mad at me we had a christmas party one time and kevin [Laughter] he literally tried to go down the chimney of the business but this mofo couldn't get down further than his waist the firemen came to get him out i was using the toilet once when kevin walks into the bathroom and stands outside my stall calling 9-1-1 to report i was dead i yell loudly hey i'm alive in here kevin tells me you weren't moving i thought you were dead sorry cops still had to check it out and search the whole place he bought a taser and used it on himself while on the job kevin told me he bowled a 300 with no proof of course he got super defensive when challenged up to the point of sending me a photoshop picture of a 300 claiming it was his then he told me it was just an example and his look like that it was only an example i swear and starts crying my business partner rob who i've worked with for 20 years was left in charge alone with kevin one night when i went home and the others weren't in while i'm home i get a text from rob that says i hate n word jewish slur and lube suckers turns out kevin took his phone then i fired kevin that was too much still the worst employee i've ever had man getting caught humping a bowling ball is embarrassing those bowling ball holes are barely big enough for your fingers let alone other body parts and then opie made a second post i figured i might as well post a few more stories i remembered about bowling alley kevin for context read my first post he left his phone out for all of us to see with a pornhub search [Laughter] t-rex with hot poker in its butt in the middle of a shift kevin started shrieking and letting out a groan that sounded like a t-rex with a hot poker in its butt turns out he got a paycheck and noticed it was less than the 480 dollars he earned for 12 bucks an hour for 40 hours he forgot that taxes exist kevin asked a new employee let's call her jane she'll be important later to go into the storage room to get a box of strikes jane spent two hours of a four-hour shift searching the whole establishment before coming to me to ask what the flip a box of strikes was kevin went out into the parking lot midship and started laughing and whooping also screaming i'm on a unicycle with no seats he had stolen my business partner's crutches he broke his leg that week put wheels on them and was rolling down a hill and falling on his butt every 15 seconds [Laughter] he broke a bowling ball in half one time jane was serving pizza to a customer and kevin stopped her mid-conversation with the customer to loudly let her know this customer was a bastard it was one of our most frequent customers an old guy apparently the night before kevin was out of my sight for two seconds and the mother ever put mayonnaise on the poor old man's pizza we don't even have mayo in the fridge he brought it from home the guy told kevin to throw away the pizza and get him another this made the old man a bastard by the kevin scale of moral rules and superiority so be honest with me how many of you are searching for that t-rex video our next reddit pose is from that crazy rock lady my dad is a pediatrician working in the nursery at a few hospitals and lately he's had quite a few stories of kevin's emerging in the midst of the public health crisis the standard protocol right now is to test every single mom that comes in regardless of whether they meet the exposure criteria and to treat every woman as if she were positive until her test comes back negative this involves the whole shebang like being put in a negative pressure room with these obnoxiously loud fans to pump air out and all the extra ppe and sanitary protocols thankfully tests are conducted in-house so the turnaround time is pretty quick 40 minutes to a few hours which is great because these already stressed women want to get out of the negative pressure room asap there was a whole fiasco earlier this year where one mother convinced the nurse that she was fine because she had been exposed more than two weeks before so the nurse ended up breaking protocol and contaminating a whole ward when the mom eventually tested positive but that's a story for another day needless to say the protocol is now strictly enforced anywho this one woman comes in and insists that all these extra measures in the hellishly loud room are completely unnecessary because there's absolutely no way that she has covered 19. sorry miss standard procedure yada yada yada after the samples collected they start the standard intake questions not expecting much because this woman is adamant that she's negative we asked her have you come into contact with anyone who has tested positive for covet 19 in the last two weeks well yeah my boyfriend has been home sick the last week with it but it's okay i washed my hands would you care to elaborate are you in the same household is he staying in a different part of the house what have you been doing to keep yourself safe well i washed my hands it turns out that this woman has been taking care of her sick boyfriend for the last week without practicing any sort of sanitary protocol like masks quarantining him to a different part of the house or sanitizing shared surfaces they've been they've been sleeping in the same bed and she even kissed him a few times but it's okay because i washed my hands of course the doctors and nurses were completely flabbergasted and kept trying to explain to this poor woman that it was almost guaranteed that she's positive maybe she's just ignorant which is hard to believe with all the psas signs etc that are impossible to avoid nope she insists that she looked it up and all she needed to do was wash her hands which she did so she's fine they cannot get through to this poor woman that yes washing your hands is important but definitely not the only thing that she should be doing but no no no she definitely knows better than the medical professionals a few hours later results are back and you guessed it positive cute surprise pikachu face now this poor mama kevin has been separated from her baby until she tests negative twice which could be up to two weeks the last i heard from my dad it's been a week and she still hasn't tested negative but that doesn't stop her from trying to convince anyone who will listen to let her out early because she promises to properly wash her hands why do i have this sinking feeling that when she does eventually get her baby back she's not gonna take it to get vaccines and just be like oh that's okay doctor i don't need to get vaccines for my baby because i make sure my baby washes their hands our next reddit post is from specialist district my cousin is a complete effing idiot and no i'm not about to pay his bail considering the not seriousness of his charges i love him but he's the dumbest person i've ever met in my life i just got a call from my mom that he was arrested tonight for disturbing the peace after taking a dump in a urinal at the airport that doesn't sound that doesn't sound like a crime except that he ran out screaming for security in an airport apparently 10 airport cops came running thinking they have a disaster on their hands instead it's just a dude screaming cops cops somebody took a dump in the urinal yeah he was attention seeking and yelled somebody took a dump in the urinal because he really believed that it was a crime and he wanted to keep people from knowing that it was him that was our slash stories about kevin and if you like this video then check out my patreon where i publish extra videos also hit that subscribe button because i put out new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 618,734

Rating: 4.9363785 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, aita, storiesaboutkevin, r/storiesaboutkevin, storiesaboutkevin posts, storiesaboutkevin funny, stories about kevin, dumb, dumb people, stupid people, stupid

Id: Tsg5Jgh_2RM

Length: 15min 23sec (923 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 30 2020