r/Relationships Should I Give My Child $70,000?

welcome to our slash relationship advice where Opie's boyfriend runs off with her newborn baby I'm a 23 year old female and my 24 year old boyfriend wants to move in with me I want him to live alone first my boyfriend and I have been together 10 months he lives with his parents and younger brothers no sisters before current events he was over Maya plays basically every night a couple of nights ago he said that he wants to move in with me if I'm up for it I've been to his place more than once and I've seen how their dynamic works his mother does everything for all five men in that house cooking cleaning the works basically all they have to do is put their laundry away after she washes dries irons and folds it the reason the parents aren't forcing them to contribute is that this was the parents agreement he works she stays at home so she raises the kids and runs the household and he pays for everything with one of the clauses being that as she's doing everything there's no need to involve the boys as a result my boyfriend can't do anything I don't know how much of this is actual cluelessness and how much is him trying to get out of stuff but he's told me completely sincerely and I checked this with his mother that he can't even fry an egg which is why when my boyfriend suggested moving in together I said I wanted him to live alone first his plan was basically to go straight from his mother's house to my flat I told him my hesitation which is that he can't do chores he then offered to pay more rent 75 in exchange for me doing all the chores I said no I don't want to be his mother or his maid I want to be his girlfriend then I told him that I wanted him to live alone go from his mother's house to his own place figure out how to do all the things he's never done for himself learn some basic life skills and then revisit us living together this has caused a huge argument biggest we've ever had he's taken me saying that he has no life skills as an insult which it kind of was to be fair and has basically said that clearly I don't want to live with him at all as I've pushed the moving in time back and have only said we'd revisit after a few of him living alone and I did say revisit because I wanted to make sure he actually knew what he was doing and wouldn't immediately switch back to offering more rent for no chores this was all a couple of nights ago and he's just stopped talking to me he's at his mom's he's online he's talking to mutual friends who have said he's responding he just won't answer any of my calls and texts he's told our friends what happened and they're all on his side saying that I was really mean and cruel I love him and I do want to live with him eventually I just don't want to live with him if I'm doing everything and the one thing I don't want is him paying extra for me to do all the housework is there some sort of compromise or some option I'm not seeing what can I do to fix this and then Opie posted an update he called me and agreed to talk he then basically said that he was never going to be willing to learn to do anything and even suggested dividing up the chores then I do might have and he hire a maid to do his half suffice to say this was something of a turn-off and by the end of the conversation we broke up Opie that was a good call heck I didn't want a girlfriend he wanted to mommy with benefits and those type of women only exists on pornhub not the real world I'm a 46 year old man and I promised my 18 year old son that his mother and I would match whatever he saved for a car upon his high-school graduation he ended up with a lot more than we could have predicted and now we don't know what to do when he turned 16 and got his license we allowed him to use an old car from a relative at that time my son had around $5,000 in savings we made him a promise saying that we'd match whatever he ended up with a graduation reasonably we thought he'd maybe double that to $10,000 through jobs and we matched that for a reasonable $20,000 car he now has $35,000 to use for a car he said that he did have a little over $10,000 but that he bought smart stock options in April and now we'll have around $35,000 after tax personally I don't think he did anything besides get stupid lucky he's insisting that we followed through with our promise and matched that financially it's not a huge dent for us since he also surprises with a nice merit scholarship that he did earn the problem arises and that we really don't want to break the promise we made to him but we also strongly believe that an 18 year old driving around in a $70,000 car is a very bad idea he can't even take it to school until a sophomore year and the insurance on that will be a nightmare what I'm asking is with the better course of action be to break the promise and likely face resentment or keep it and COFF up the money thanks in advance for the advice okay so first off o P the fact that your son managed to make thirty five thousand dollars by the age of eighteen probably means that no matter what happens he's gonna be a-okay dumb luck or not it sounds like your son has a good head on his shoulders and it's obvious that his parents support him but yeah I agree an eighteen year old really doesn't need a $70,000 car the insurance on that is gonna be insane and 16 to 25 year old males it's the highest risk group for car accidents I think the best fares thing you can do is give him ten thousand dollars towards a car but the remaining fifteen thousand dollars instead invested into a long-term account for your son explain to him that you're just human that you made a mistake that he wildly exceeded your expectations and you just can't justifiably give him that much money but you don't want to go back on your promise so instead you set up a long-term investment account for him by the time he hits retirement age that 15k could grow to fifty seventy-five even over a hundred thousand dollars I'm a 26 year old female and my 27 year old boyfriend ran off in the middle of the night with our newborn son as the title says we have a newborn son who was two weeks old to recap the period leading up to this event we had the baby on Thursday and came home on Saturday roses everything was absolutely beautiful our relationship had never been stronger and we were so so happy more in love with each other and with the little one than we thought possible on Sunday we decided to pop a bottle of champagne we both haven't drank for nine months I have one glass and he continues saying we can get drunk now I didn't want to get drunk but I didn't discourage him since he hadn't drinking we used to drink together nightly he ended up quite belligerent by the end of the night and it resulted in tears on my end since he was acting out of character the next morning he sincerely apologized and said that if he ever got drunk like that again he would stop drinking that evening rolls around and we have a glass of wine with dinner I didn't one another but he continued to finish the bottle and another drunk again more tears I explained to him while he was drunk the conversation we had the night prior about him not doing this and he broke down and came to bed and promise not to again after a week of being home my mother begins to travel to us to visit us for two weeks to help us get settled with the baby this visit has been planned for five months and was not a surprise in the two days she's travelling my boyfriend begins to transition from happy new father to protective new father it is a difference but he's very confident in his new role and feels that his life has changed and he's very happy my mother arrives at 8 a.m. on a Monday and proceeds to say hi to us although quite exhausted and goes to sit on our porch to decompress after 48 hours of travel my boyfriend comes to me and says that she was disrespectful when she arrived I question him and say I'm pretty sure she's just tired let's let her rest and then we can all have a conversation about boundaries and more once she's rested he agreed and moved on with the morning I didn't think anything else of it at around 9:30 a.m. just 90 minutes after her arrival she passes him in the kitchen and he raises his voice and exclaims to her about how she will not be disrespectful of him in his house and more I begin to bawl and beg him to stop my mother completely taken aback goes outside crying my boyfriend is livid I can see it in his eyes I try to calm him down and go to check on my mother who I then try to calm down he comes outside and asked to speak to her and I leave them alone in hindsight I shouldn't have done this and after about one minute my mom comes back inside yelling and crying I'm done I'm done and tells me she's going to go back home I try to speak to both of them but I can't stop crying I had a baby ten days ago at this point my mother packs up to leave and does my boyfriend things he's done the right thing and protected his family unit I'm devastated that my mom has gone as I wanted her help and guidance with the newborn he's confident in his decision in the next two days this confidence doesn't wane and he says he had to hurt me in this situation to maintain his family we went to bed around 11:00 we argued some earlier in the evening but when bedtime rolled around we were actually on good terms and I went to sleep pretty hard because of that I wake up to a stranger shouting my name and I look over and the baby isn't in his bed I run out and a policeman is in my house the shower is running the door is open the policeman informs me that my boyfriend took the baby and ran out of our apartment building into a house up the street and ring their doorbell the officer asked me to come with them and he took me to the house where my boyfriend went there were many officers outside asking me questions about different things the consensus was that my boyfriend thought someone was going to kill him so he took the baby and ran the officers took me inside the house gave me the baby and then let me know they were taking my boyfriend to the hospital for an evaluation the officers took me to a hotel for safety the hospital ruled the case a mental break and that he was fine he seemed fine when I picked him up and we went home as the day went on he got more and more paranoid so I called the police when he went to work he insisted that I had bugged the house and that the neighbors were in on it that my mom called her pediatrician and more the police suggested for us to separate for the evening and he stayed home and the baby and I are in a hotel again what should I do now he's continually paranoid now I have a baby to protect I don't feel he's being rational in our home please help thank you for reading this opie that's a super scary situation I don't know what's going on with your boyfriend and I'm not a medical professional by any means but it sounds like he's having some kind of like mental episode please do not go back to your boyfriend until he gets some kind of professional help I really think you should fly to your mom's and spend some time there and in the meantime could you maybe call your boyfriend's parents or his siblings and try to get him some professional help because he clearly needs guidance and he's not suited to be around a newborn baby at this point I'm a 31 year old male and I told my thirty year old girlfriend that she's not a trophy wife or status symbol and that were similar in attractiveness she views this as me calling her old and ugly a bit of background my girlfriend and I are 30 and 31 respectively we've been dating for about a year I work as a high-level engineer at a good firm and my girlfriend works as a payroll specialist at a good firm too I make significantly more than her like three times as much things were good in our relationship until I showed her my retirement savings she now doesn't see the point of working and has started framing our relationship in that she's the beautiful one and that I'm the nerdy engineer who was lucky to have her before when we met she was all about making her own way eventually starting her own company with her sister and sourcing and recruiting but now she jokes about driving a Range Rover and wearing Lululemon and going to yoga we were having a discussion about this trophy wife stuff and she brought up that I was nerdy back in the day while she was very popular I told her she's not a trophy wife that yes she is attractive but it's not a huge difference between us I told her had it been the case that I met her when she was 22 and I was my current age than sure but she isn't 22 anymore after I said that she just started crying like crazy she started saying that I think of her as ugly and used up and that the best years are behind her she just told me that if I'm not happy to be with her why am I even here so stop wasting her time I tried to talk to her but she was in no state for a conversation I don't know what to say guys for me I just wanted to say that I think were of similar attractiveness like I don't think anyone when they see us turns her head and is like oh she's with him cuz of the money or man he's so lucky to be with her I think it's mutual if anything she was the one who pursued me for my attract miss what should I do I like the fact that we both work and I don't want to change a dynamic and I don't want her to think that she's above me and that I am so lucky to have her I want her to think of us as equals and in my attempt to do that I hurt her feelings what's the next move I think there's two likely cases here in one case your girlfriend actually does see you as her equal but when she saw your salary she became insecure so she tried to comfort herself by saying well it's okay I bring more to the relationship because I'm prettier the other case is that your girlfriend is a conceited entitled jerk who expects you to just pay for her way through life and do nothing if it's case one then don't worry about it she was just feeling a little insecure and you guys had a little fight about it if it's case two then she's probably not the type of girl you'd want to get married to this next post is an update from a previous story I read in that story Opie was a first responder and his wife kept tying her boots which led to uninvite you can find part one to this story in a previous our slash relationships video it sounds a little ridiculous as I say it now but trust me it's a really good story and I strongly recommend you go watch it before listening to this my wife and I started talking again we had a very serious conversation and I did apologize for what I did to her running shoes and then I told her that I had to speak some truth and wanted her to promise me that she wasn't going to roll her eyes interrupt me Skol far get sarcastic with me which she did I told her that I wasn't kidding about my boots that while most the time I called geriatric transports Falls and nausea there were instances where response time was of the essence and I didn't have time to play around with my boots in the middle of the night I told her that there have been times when my intervention has been critical in saving a life when my trainee has helped me recognize an underlying emergency or when a call I made ensure that a patient was prioritized upon arrival at the hospital I explained it a lot of the stuff I see I don't tell her about because I don't want to give her nightmares or make her worry about me she actually listened and didn't dismiss what I had to say she responded that she was trying to help by keeping things neat I responded but you're not sweetie I'm not trying to be mean but you're not helping you're hindering me one day it may be the difference between life and death I need you to not touch my gear it's where I know where it is it's where I can easily find it in a short amount of time and if you move it you're impeding an emergency response I don't care if it looks neat it serves a function it doesn't look pretty if you want to help me please leave my gear where I put it a few nights later I had my friend officer rich come over officer race was one of the two cops who did CPR on the victim that night the three of us sat on her deck and had a few social distancing beers he talked about getting there doing CPR giving narcan waiting for the ambulance and getting her back shortly before we got there he then pulled out a few photos of car accidents that I had worked he showed them to my wife and pointed out this car went into a tree your husband crawled into the wreck put a collar on the driver and stayed in there giving him oxygen until we could get him out your husband pulled a three-year-old out of this wreck your husband recognized that the driver had a stroke and took her to a stroke center which likely saved her life after that I told her I had something I wanted to show her and I asked for the same promise I'd asked earlier when she agreed I showed her a video on YouTube of a police body cam from an overdose this video showed how critical time is and getting someone back and the training someone goes through in order to get the drug do CPR and utilize an AED I told her I'm not trying to attack you I don't want to have a fight but I want you to understand what I go through that I hope every call I go on is transporting a boo-boo because otherwise it means that if I don't do everything right someone could die if I don't get out that door as quickly as possible someone could suffer brain damage while they're waiting for me to give them oxygen if I'm upset and shaking because I had to waste time opening my boots I might miss something critical and someone might not make it she acknowledged that she understood and told me that she hadn't really thought about the danger of what I do until the other night when she saw the photos of the wrecks I told her that I think she has OCD and needs to see a therapist because it's hurting our marriage I listed examples of her throwing important things out moving things without permission and messing with my gear I offered to go together and said I'd be willing to work on things together after I pointed out the she agreed that it was time to speak to someone she wants to think about whether she wants to go together or by herself but she promised me that she's going to try to change her patterns I brought up her saying that she thought I was going to hit her and she acknowledges she's been with a few guys who flew up the handle with little provocation and it scared her that she'd never seen me get that angry and it triggered her because she didn't think I was capable of blowing up like that she's been very emotional lately and she's been going through mood swings she's been worried about me going on calls the other day she started crying and said I hope you know how much I appreciate what you do knock on wood since we had the big talk she hasn't touched my boots is everything resolved not by a long shot but she seems to have a new appreciation for what I do thank you for all your responses I wound up not showing her the thread because a lot of it was pretty harsh towards her I recognize I cherry picked incidents that didn't put her in the best light and there's a lot more to her in our marriage than that she's a person I chose for the rest of my life and I want us to work Opie I'm glad you came to an understanding because you seem like decent people and thanks for posting an update because that wraps up the weirdest argument I've ever heard about a pair of boots that was our slash relationship advice and if you like this video then hit that subscribe button because I put on new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 402,948

Rating: 4.9311619 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, comedy, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, relationshipadvice, relationship_advice, relationship advice, r/relationship_advice, relationship_advice posts, relationship, r/relationships

Id: xEXEmUi3qHw

Length: 18min 57sec (1137 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 22 2020