r/Me_irl · bruh

me hello it's good to meet you me when the crushing realization of existence has been when the toaster dings with my pop tarts ha life is fine hello everyone welcome back to easy peasy it's your boy cougar the two different colored eyed weirdo who can't grow beardo and today we're diving into r slash me irl let's get to it my mom didn't raise a quitter she raised someone afraid of failure so much they don't even start something yeah that hurts are you raccoon dark circles on the eyes eats junk small and chubby stays up all night cute but we'll fight well except for the small and chubby part i'm a raccoon baby man arrested after trying to fight family because someone ate his pork chop listen i'm not gonna say he was right or wrong all i'm gonna say is i understand someone tries to touch my pork chop they're getting karate chopped just go straight at her and ask her out it's all about confidence so all i need is confidence are you sure yeah dude that's pretty much what i look like lottery winner claims jackpot and scream mask so his relatives don't recognize him that's what's up baby that's what's up yeah i'm done with that crappy corpse husband impression no idea hey guys how do i go into vent like pink did i'm skipping everyone thinking green for catching the imposter green who just vented to go into the vents yes yes that's how i do good morning did you know there is a life-size jason voorhees statue standing 120 foot down in crystal lake minnesota jesus the way 2020 is set up that mf is gonna come alive next week and it's finally gonna be over i need to know the story behind this he protect he attack but most importantly he got to location on back of quack that's a goose sir they don't go quack they actually hiss and bite okay but can the rest of the world adapt to korea's trend of eating alone with small cubicles for one provided with tv and phone charging services this is the definition of me this is the definition of 2020 my dude my main source of annoyance lately just move the mask up my friend florida men don't actually commit more weird crimes it's just that florida laws allow the media to have access to police reports so the media chooses to do stories on weird crimes redditers if those kids could read they'd be very upset some people say i have dyslexia in the comments so i guess that includes me moving on 2019 2020 ah at least the plants won't leave me at least the plants won't leave me also the cat looks so cute even though he's staring at death and destruction buster get that guy come on it hang on he's not wearing one of those arm things what those arm protectors you guys wear during training he doesn't have one i know just grab him but i might hurt him he's breaking the law buster just do it damn it my dog once bit a cop but that's a story for another day whenever i start to feel comfortable with a group of friends all right i'm gonna annoy them now it's kind of like i made that one joke people laughed in high school and i and i was just loud to be funny oh god me pulling up my phone that fell off the bed with the earphone cord come on friend you can make it just leave me i'm gonna be cracked and it's gonna be on the floor no you can make it damn it dolphins are so beautiful and they're such good boys look at how cute they are work from home in march versus september yeah yeah we're all getting there guess the place window xp yeah dude works for me indian the government used cgi to fake the moon landing cgi in 1996. transformers be schwartz is scary i did enjoy the show but yeah it's scary to look back at traveled like two hours to see mount fuji was it worth it yes yes it was my life isn't falling apart my worst fear is accidentally committing tax fraud because i'm a freaking idiot dude i am so scared the government's gonna audit me even though i'm so poor introverts visiting more than two places in a day i'm going on an adventure i haven't been on an adventure in months thanks thanks lockdown buzz biggest weakness me i never know when to quit boss that's okay you're hired me i quit i quit i quit legit i've never quit a job just because i've been so afraid to tell them okay i can't work for you anymore me can i have an extra dollar 25 an hour just to meet my basic needs for survival my boss you want to eat that's a good one eight am before you're nine to five seven a.m on your day off baby i've been up three days straight oh yeah hear me out if batman is canotically about 32 then he was born in 1986 and if his parents were killed leaving a movie theater when he was 10 years old zenzera is a very real possibility does that say we're seeing space jam what a movie to go out on the introduction of lo the bunny jeff is tall said whoever named frogs got it 100 right those things are frogs i've never felt so related to one tweet jeffy's tall did it hurt yeah i was talking about the fall from heaven it all hurts my life is constant pain and suffering please just let me go back to the movies please hackers in late 90s action movies i'm in bro i'm in when you get a used textbook and see the previous students notes my god i've entered the studying state here's the problem with fruit it's inconsistent some apples are delicious some taste bad sometimes blueberries are great sometimes they're disgusting you know what's the same every day doritos fun fact about doritos the blue ones smell and taste exactly like bird human bones apparently and also red delicious apples are garbage no changing my mind computer save this images nine 6607 six f one e six j seven two eight one nine c three zero dot png yeah seems about right i'll totally be able to find it later waiter sir the food is free for children under ten dad oh that's great because he recently turned nine me but dad i'm 12. don't you say it junior at first i thought the child wanted to say 12 but it's funnier when you imagine they were going to say 20. yeah yeah i can't wait to turn 20. listening to songs my bluetooth headphones battery low oh god uh do you have any hobbies introverts yeah i do my tv my bed my fridge my cute pets and my vo vocal booth baby finally the terrible 2m distance is over now scandal avians can go back to the usual 5n distance thank god you look sad today actually i'm sad every day i just don't have the energy to hide it today okay there bucko okay me giving life advice there's a bump here so please watch your step oh god that was not geometrically possible yeah but it happened not once but like three times in the show denise and ferb there's 104 days of summer vacation baby who has the most annoying fan base the united states baby the vandals in my neighborhood are evolved damn dude that helped me solve my homework thanks my dudes you got it dog when you ask someone how old their child is and they answer using months ah thanks for the math homework if high school wasn't hot enough for me i finally realized it people are prisoners of their phones that's why they are called cell phones silence puma no more technology bad fire scary talk be gone karen oh it's a girl oh it's a boy it's mike wazowski hey hey california knows too bad about this remember when it caught on fire cuz of the gender reveal party my hometown is is doomed sometimes i'm kept awake thinking about how americans call the liquid they put into their car's gas oh yeah oh yeah i'm an american this just seems normal alarm goes off me just leave 10 more minutes me how about 30 more minutes me just skip class me just drop out me yes become stupider me after watching fake horror movies me after watching true serial killer documentaries ah jeffrey dahm always puts me to sleep listen am i the most attractive girl out there of course not but do i have a good personality no but do i wake up every day and try to be the best person i can be also no also i'm a guy john no it's no use man we can't save him i'm done for you have to do it for all of us go on without me i will i will for you and to get the treasure oh you gotta be freaking kidding me when people are talking about politics but the only thing you followed for the last three years are memes yes i understand okay okay just looked outside my window here is california wtf yeah yeah yeah this city is on fire me at 2 am reading all 300 messages of two random strangers arguing on the internet yes yes you mean sleep asap curry me time to relax get into bed the internet want to read something upsetting first me of course obviously man i don't need sleep i got ants yeah but my ants are taller than yours well i got a tube of glue and i have an entire tin of it i've got bread ugh you win i can't handle that with my glue tin and taller ants glue that is so tough i bet nobody under 40 knows what this is right because all bread is digital now you idiots are you winning son no yeah first day is vet me what seems to be the problem cat yes but where where son me stands up too fast my whole nerve system unable to connect to the world okay enjoy the floor thinking of the time i ordered olive garden online and i put please speak to me in italian accent in the special request category and completely forgot about it and when i went to pick it up the guy comes out and goes hey i got your order baba the boobie and when i told him he didn't actually have to do it he was all like oh no i wasn't looking forward to it i was the only one brave enough to do it now you've broke my heart why would you do that my friend weeping woman 1937 by pablo picasso cat 2019 by me one of those is a masterpiece and it's the cute little boy on the right 23 years old me trying to fill a bucket faster come on come on your butt napkins my lord dude is this how the terminators are going to take us over they're just going to be like dun dun dun no more toilet paper when you enter an adidas shop and you see your salary written on a pair of shoes alrighty then why don't they just put these things on mount everest wtf what a stupid butt question you're scared of what you don't understand i'm scared of everything y'all ever noticed when you lose the remote you lose trust in everyone are you sitting on the remote no stand up stand up right now when the teacher almost catches you cheating so you hit them with a hmm how what's the answer totally not the seven written on my arm oh dear god i'm gonna get expelled 10 year old me preparing to tell my mom at 9pm i need glue for my project due tomorrow mom mom mom i thought the lady was freaking staring at me for five minutes till i realized it was a magazine i would have said something if i thought it was the lady staring at me christ come on give me chemicals and willpower to do anything other than laying on bed and scrolling through memes come on brain do something if i can't hit you with the hammer then i'll hit the hammer with you thanos creative problem solver when you're both typing so you erase the message to let them speak first but they do the same thing seems we got a mexican standoff here buddy instructor welcome to salsa class who's ready to learn how to dance me hiding tortilla chips bag there's been a misunderstanding and i'm going down the hall i'm cold and hungry i see humans around a bonfire maybe i can ask for food what could possibly go wrong three thousand years later look at the dog with the donut on its nose me chilling in my room laughing at my own jokes because i'm freaking hilarious i'm so lonely googled the annual death rate from quicksand and it's literally zero my whole childhood was a lie my sister got a net to keep the dog in the backseat but she does not accept i will get through for the snuggles rating playground floor material shredded taya seven out of ten nice bouncy feeling but a little rough pebbles 5 out of 10 was fun to play in but kids always threw them at you terrible when in your shoes mulch negative 10 out of 10. splinters rough falls stab your feet little demons bouncy flat material 10 out of 10. amazing nothing to complain about nice off bouncy falls dude i legit gotta got one of the mulch underneath my toenails when i was kid yeah scarred me for life i'm gonna draw a tiger i'm gonna draw a tiger i'ma draw a tiger oh better tiger oh man i have never related to a comic so personally before i see it in my head but my hand just doesn't listen person i really loved watching this movie it was a lot of fun people who have read the book well actually ho ho i freaking love toast what absolute genius took a bite of bread and was like cook it again unreal baby bmw is a man's car mercedes is for women cars are made for whoever the frick can afford them that's why i'm whipping in that 97 honda accord baby vroom vroom girl how to walk with short girls you want to walk next to him and make sure you got some badunkadunk oh and you bend your knees can you freaking stop please and i'm your boyfriend not your girlfriend damn it i hate this freaking virus fast cancelled due to covenanting and now you know why i haven't left the house today is april blank's birthday reply to post a wish honor timeline or reply with one to post happy birthday stop freaking texting me i don't give a freak stop texting me i don't give a [ __ ] excuse me what this is why i don't use facebook this dumb butt comet just flew directly into the sun oh that really sucks for him when you don't know what the frick you're feeling anymore so you just lay there and feel nothing yeah i try this but i still feel sad when i look at the ceiling moving on i fall asleep with my glasses on and when i woke up my dumb butt thought i got my vision back dude i've done this exact same thing i once fell asleep with my contacts in and i thought i lost my vision and was screaming in pain a well-structured argument to defeat the guy in the internet a typo i was the internet troll hero until i took an arrow to the achilles tendon um actually that's the achilles heel i don't care i really don't care the woman allegedly broke into the home pet the family dog did the dishes then left is she available tomorrow cause i got a sweet cat she can pet and some dishes she can do anyways if you made it this far i hope you have a great day feel free to like comment subscribe let us know we like see more down in the comments below have a good day and remember be good people

Channel: EzPz

Views: 242,532

Rating: 4.9485598 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit top posts, reddit best posts, reddit top posts of all time, top posts of all time, top posts, best posts, posts, reddit posts, reddit funny, r/, subreddit, top all time, reddit true stories, r/me_irl, r/meirl, me irl, me_irl, reddit me irl, r/me_irl ezpz, emkay, ezpz, ez pz

Id: zsnVwKmjY30

Length: 15min 54sec (954 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 17 2020