r/Maliciouscompliance "PUT YOUR DEAD FATHER ON THE PHONE!" Funny Reddit Posts

welcome to our slash malicious compliance where people always do what they're told chacha-chacha-chacha-chow this is America we use H here sorry just cha cha cha cha my father died on Father's Day 2012 he was divorced in living alone and I am an only child so that means that I had to wrap up all of his affairs this story centers around us trying to get his utilities cancelled I called in to see what we had to do to get them to cancel the lady I spoke with on the phone said to send in his certified death certificate I sent in the certified copy of his death certificate the next day the next month got another bill I called again and a new woman answered she said that because I wasn't on the account that she had to speak with the account holder I informed her that the account holder was dead but she wouldn't budge I had to make an appointment with a supervisor so she could speak to him herself in person I showed up at the Board of Public Utilities with another death certificate and his ashes in the clear bag that they returned his remains in I plopped them down on the center of her desk and said when she talked to him to tell him that I loved him for me the woman went pale flew out of her chair and called the cops when they showed up she claimed that I had assaulted her and yes my dad's remains were still sitting in the middle of her desk with the death certificate the cops questioned me as to why I would do that I told him the story the supervisors boss was called in and they all stepped away from the desk for a private talk while they were talking the cops came over to talk to me they said that I shouldn't take human remains out in public but there was no laws that were broken I said that I agreed with them that it was extreme but she insisted to speak with him in person by then they were done talking between themselves the supervisors boss kissed up to me and got it taken care of but the story isn't over yet I had to call back a few days later to get utilities back to the house in my name when the person on the phone saw the address in my name I was immediately put on hold the supervisors boss that finally helped me got on the phone she sucked up to me and waived all the fees that come with setting up utilities just as the call was ending she informed me that she was again so sorry for the employees lack of compassion she said that the employee was terminated and again she is so very sorry that story is pretty funny actually this happened about ten years ago I was dating this girl for a year and things were going pretty well both of the leases on our separate apartments were coming up for renewal and we decided to get a place together so our relationship would go to the next level and we'd also save a good bit of money at the time I could really see myself with this girl so we signed a year lease on a new place and for the first four months or so things are great then our relationship starts to fall apart not assigning blame here you know how it is it just didn't work out the bummer though was she started to get pretty nasty to me and after a few really ugly fights I decided to move out in a hurry I got a cheap place across town and moved out on a Saturday because I just couldn't bear it anymore so after about a week I cool off enough to call her and ask her to get a new roommate and take me off the lease she says no I don't have time to get a new roomie and I can't afford the place alone so for the next two weeks I find two mutual friends willing to move in she rejects them for stupid reasons and hasn't lifted a finger to find a suitable roommate it dawns on me that she intends to live in this place alone for the next eight months while I pay half the rent and half the utilities heck no at this point I'm pissed I am now paying two leases and utilities and so on I got some money in the bank so I'm not in danger but I can't afford to do this for long and it just isn't reasonable I had found out during our week without contact that she had already started dating another guy I know that is super quick a few days after our breakup but I have no evidence she ever cheated so no big deal however I did know that my ex was insatiable and we had sex every morning we were together like clockwork she had to get out of the house to make work by about 8:45 a.m. so we had sex at about 7:45 a.m. or so every morning our relationship had its positive aspects and her being really into an amazingly good at sex was one of those good farts so anyway I hatch a plan to get out of the lease so the next morning I get to her old place about 7:45 a.m. and wait in my truck until 7:50 a.m. figuring I knew her well enough to know it was good timing our place was a studio and the bed our old bed was across from the front door and to the right was a little kitchen and dining area so I turned the key and open the door as fast as possible and I was not disappointed my ex was writing this guy and I make eye contact with him I'll never forget the look of shock maybe mix with shame on his face she rolls off him and pulls the cover up over them they are both naked don't mind me I say and I go into the cupboard get some of the Lucky Charms that I bought that is still in there I pour a bowl add some milk and start chowing down ignoring them the dude can't move because his clothes aren't nearby my ex is like get the heck out of here and I say I'm still on this lease this is my place but you go ahead don't let me interrupt you she starts screaming at me curses me out throws a couple of shoes at me misses and basically has a meltdown from the bed while I calmly eat my cereal for about 15 minutes then I say Oh will you look at the time I gotta get to work the dude didn't move an inch or open his mouth the next day I open the door at 7:40 a.m. this time her and her new boy are awake and dressed I say oh good morning I have bagels with a totally fake cheery smile I put the bag of bagels and cream cheese on the counter and say I'm just gonna get a shower real quick she has calmer this time but starts swearing she's gone when I get out of the shower so I make a bagel and head out myself I show up again at about 8:00 p.m. with some Chipotle they are sitting on the bed watching TV I sit at the counter on a barstool start tearing into my burrito and start chatting like I'm their best friend so what are we watching tonight Oh awesome I haven't seen that show in years cool I stayed for about 30 minutes eating my burrito and then asking the guy stupid questions just being super annoying I recognized him from her friend group but I honestly don't know his name he seems super nervous and doesn't say much my X is really pissed and is fuming the third morning I show up at 7:45 a.m. they aren't there I take a shower eat some cereal and leave a polite note about how I'm sorry I missed them and I'll see them tonight that day at work I got a bunch of faxes from my ex requesting my signature on a new lease on the apartment as well as signatures canceling our power water cable and internet bills I really enjoyed signing all those and faxing them back I never saw or heard from either of them again I know a lot of you are really happy that this guy got his revenge against his ex but to be honest I was kind of hoping this was going in a different direction I've watched enough pornhub to know that we could have had a very different happy ending to this story I've been a mechanic my entire working life so far and this is one of my favorite experiences I had a customer come in complaining about a vibration I put the vehicle on the lift and check the front end I found a nearly broken tie rod and a faulty rack and pinion so basically the passenger side front wheel was not fully secured to the steering system and would soon break and cause the wheel to be completely disconnected from the steering I told the customer how much the repair would be and told her it was unsafe to drive she asked me to put it back together so she could leave I told her that I could not do that because if it broke after I let her leave I could be held liable she started yelling and screaming about calling the cops and suing me and how her cousin's brother knows a guy who's related to the chief of police and I'll be arrested she calls the police and they come out I showed the officers the vehicle and they understand the safety concern they told me to just put the car down and let her leave I did and even made her sign a statement declining crucial safety repairs she left with the most haha I told you so smug grin on her face until she left the property got pulled over and her car impounded they also gave her a ticket for reckless driving I was so happy seeing her car get towed edit for clarification the cops told her it was against the law to drive it the state laws back then allowed me to do exactly what I I offered to discount the price of the repair and take payments she still refused I demand that you give him back my car at this instance so I can illegally drive away in front of all these police officers I mean what could possibly go wrong yesterday I decided to take my kids to an international chain restaurant in this restaurant the kid's meal comes with ice cream but you have to serve yourself that was a problem because there weren't any bowls beside the ice-cream machine so I thought I know what to do I'll simply ask an employee for some bowls and that's just what I did so he turns to look at the vast array of bowls behind him some saw sized some entree salad sized and many in between and we realized that neither of us knows what size the kids ice cream is intended to be so he thought I know what to do I'll simply ask the manager hey boss what do we put the kids I scream in without turning around the boss says effing Bowl what do you think yeah but what's sizeable the boss with his inimitable charm tact and grace says just effing give him a bowl the employee looked back at the bowls and then I saw him get a big grin over his face I apologize about that sir I think it's probably these ones he says as he hands me two of the largest bowls they have in the restaurant practically giggling with glee my children were similarly delighted the manager walked by when we were halfway through and made a noise like a startled opossum but said no actual words definitely going back there I'm gonna be honest I don't know what noise a startled opossum makes but I'm gonna make a guess for you guys a few years ago I was on a flight from LA to Singapore takes 16 plus hours I'm a tall dude around 63 that's a hundred and ninety centimeters for the rest of the world so I don't fit very well in economy class seats on most planes my knees are often very close or right up against the seat in front of me this makes it impossible for the person in front of me to recline their seats which usually isn't a problem once the person in front of me sees how cramped I am in those tiny seats however for this particular flight the man in front of me was not it he tried to recline his seat but couldn't because my legs were there he turns around and sees what's happening and asked me something along the lines of do you mind letting me put my seat back I respond with I wish I could but I physically can't I'll do my best to give you as much space as I can but it won't be much at this point he starts to get angry and just starts pushing as hard as he can back on his seat needless to say this was not particularly pleasant for me I asked him to please stop and he says I'll stop when I could put my seat back on the side I'll just wait him out he eventually gets tired after about 10 to 15 minutes of this he calls a flight attendant over and proceeds to demand a new seat the flight attendant tells him there are no available seats and he will have to deal with it he demands to speak to the pilot so the flight attendant goes up front to talk to the cockpit keep in mind that throughout this he is still pressing with all his might against my knees with only short breaks to yell at the flight attendant after a couple of minutes the copilot he wanted to speak to the pilot and wasn't happy about this comes back and tries to explain to the man that he can't change seats because there are no other coach seats free the man continues to demand a seat that is able to recline give me an upgrade this is unacceptable making a scene etc the copilot finally gives in and says while looking at the man sir would you like to sit up in business class the man stands up and mutters something similar to everything finally to which the copilot responds sir sit down I wasn't talking to you he turns to me and repeats how would you like a seat in business class I have to this day and never seen someone as furious as the man I walked past to my new a business class seat with free drinks copilot more like bro pilots I work for an office and we have an 8 week busy season with mandatory overtime 12 to 14 hours a day during this time the company agrees to reimburse us for dinner up to 13 bucks a meal we just have to submit a claim with our receipts at the end of the busy season food options around my work aren't great so I usually brought my dinner from home but sometimes I was too tired to cook after a long day so out of the eight weeks I purchased maybe ten meals three of those meals I spent 1350 going 50 cents over the limit this resulted in a whopping one dollar 50 cent over it which my manager said it was no big deal and that I could include on my expense claim he signed off on it and everything a few days after I submitted my report head office emailed me saying they rejected my expense claim and that I could resubmit after I removed the one dollar fifty cents overage I wrote back saying my manager was fine with the 150 overage and even signed off on it and they responded by telling me that they do not allow overages under any circumstances that the 150 must be removed or they wouldn't approve any of my meal expenses they ended their email with the advice as I should actually read the company policy next time fine they were right and I was wrong so I decided I'd read the policy very thoroughly before redoing my expense claim yes the policy clearly stated a 13 dollar maximum on purchased meals oh and what's this the policy also allows a $10 per diem for meals you bring from home I very happily removed the buck 50 overage and added an additional $300 for the 30 meals I brought from home I should read the company policy more often some of you are asking if I got paid to 300 and the answer is yes many are suggesting the person was sincerely trying to help me out but I'm not 100% sure because they were so snippy in their email also when we were emailed the meal policy at the beginning of busy season there was no mention of the per diem and no one else in my department knew about it either way I made sure to thank them just in case they were being sincere and I was just too jaded to see it I could just imagine a stuck-up entitled person at her computer desk thinking huh this little choosing beggar thinks she can screw me out of a buck 50 I'll show her that was our slash malicious compliance and if you feel like maliciously complying as well then I like this video and subscribe to my channel

Channel: rSlash

Views: 1,975,362

Rating: 4.909234 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, maliciouscompliance, malicious, compliance, r/maliciouscompliance

Id: H8rnTXPlotU

Length: 15min 24sec (924 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 10 2019