r/Maliciouscompliance "Hit Me HARD!" "lol sure"

welcome to our slash malicious compliance where you have to be careful what you wish for our next reddit post is from yoxath right after school me and the other three students with maximum grades got hired immediately in an airport company our job was to run a simulation program in order to train some specialized personnel the job is quite easy it's basically a set of exercises or routines to run over and over on the simulator and it's really really i mean really well paid for an 18 year old's first job the only problem is that the program for the simulation was incredibly clunky and slow and the actual routines had to be prepared on another machine entirely and the fun part apparently no one knows precisely how to create these exercises we just had to run the simulator so we just received these exercises loaded them onto the simulator and press start but 60 of the time they didn't work at all and that was infuriating and wasted a lot of time so we the young smart guys jump on board and decided to help out actually spending a lot of our free time helping creating these routines and trying to fix the common problems well the percentage of functioning routines jumped up to almost a hundred percent and the simulator ran smoothly for months my boss at the time was one of the best human beings i've ever known and surprising no one he was promoted his substitute on the other hand was one of the worst human beings i've ever known and surprising no one he screwed up i'll just focus on the part that concerns me but he screwed up all around one day one of those routines wasn't working out at all and we just couldn't figure out why our boss gets called because half a day's been wasted already instead of trying to help he jumps on us and starts yelling that we're incompetent in front of all the other people he goes on a long rant which doesn't solve anything and the training day was called off now is when i remembered that my job is to run the simulator not to create the routines so malicious compliance kicks in and well after that day we just stopped giving a flip now every day if the new exercises come in and doesn't work we just send it back and wait for a functioning one which sometimes didn't arrive at all this happened a lot and i actually spent literally months at work being paid to do nothing using the time studying for university at the workplace and the best part is that my boss was fuming because the training schedule went to garbage and he couldn't do anything at all after some time the boss's boss noticed that something was clearly very wrong went into his office and absolutely trashed the guy then the boss's boss came to us and asked if we wanted to do the extra job of creating the routines for an extra payment and we said yes since we already knew what to do our boss didn't say anything at all after that so basically i got a long paid vacation and went back to work with a higher salary it was glorious our next reddit post is from t-bone my parents had this problem with a guy parking a tractor-trailer on their land he lives right across from one of their pecan groves the grove has well-spaced trees all in neat rows the grass is mowed super short the ground is really flat it looks like an ideal place to pull your rig if you don't know better the ground is so flat because they use mechanical harvesting bumps and grooves can cause the machines to leave pecans laying on the ground a two inch deep groove from a big truck like that can hold thousands of dollars of pecans and will until it's fixed oh and you have to fix the grooves by hand it's a big deal when someone screws with your livelihood like that so the guy parks there one time they get it he probably doesn't understand he's causing so much trouble dad goes down explains the damage he's done tells him to grove his private property and not to do it again the dude we'll call him dude agrees and apologizes dad goes home and fixes the damage midweek next friday there's the truck again same spot dad not about to put up with this calls the sheriff department the cop comes and the truck moves dad fixes the damage midweek next week no truck one week later the truck is back repeat complaint for trespassing the sheriff the dude claims he forgot he drives over the road and the home depot where his car is parked is 30 miles away it's convenient for dude to forget because he saves his gas in time by driving his employer's rig and parking it on my parents land also he doesn't get nailed if there's drugs in his cab because no other driver gets assigned his truck his motivations are clear as day the dude clearly doesn't forget every time he's home but this is what he claims the deputies sent down on the complaints after seven times of calling the sheriff's department he finally gets a trespassing citation no fine is levied he drives his car two weeks in a row and the following week the truck is back at this point my dad is fixing the damage so often he's keeping a tractor and blade on the property so it gets done faster and easier he calls the sheriff yet again the sheriff himself comes out this time the truck leaves and the sheriff comes to see my dad the sheriff says that the enforcement problem is that it's hard to explain to a court the harm when pictures hardly show any damage and dude always apologizes and moves the truck when the deputies come he says getting the dude for trespassing under those circumstances is going to be tough but he's on this and will see it through for my parents but his office is 30 miles away and there aren't that many deputies out patrolling and then the sheriff bless his little elected heart says but if there was something different like a theft of services going on cue malicious compliance the next day signs go up on 80 trees in a row 8 000 feet they're 100 feet apart the sign reads semi-parking 500 bucks an hour pre-pay violators will be towed the dude doesn't pay the signs any mind the dude does however paid the tow truck and the deputy quite a bit of mind he comes running and screaming waving his arms as they're hooking up his truck well before my dad called to have him towed everything was documented including having the sheriff himself drive by and takes several pictures of the truck parked with the clearly visible signs everything's put on hold while dude's employer who owns the truck drives out after three hours dude's boss gives up and writes a check for 7 800 to cover parking and tow truck fees that actually covered the tow truck all the repairs printing the signs and beer for about a year from my dad's tuesday poker gatherings salute the dude who still lives there does not park in the pecan grove his boss payroll deducted his checks for two years down in the comments malaka4 says people think because my trees are next to the road on private property that they can come steal my fruit i'm gonna use your dad's logic and put up a sign for a hundred dollars a pound i'll let you know how it works out and then elliott strange replies to that shoot it doesn't even matter if they're near the road my friends grow strawberries for themselves and people will walk 15 meters from the sidewalk to the patch to steal them it only stopped when they paid a local kid to hang out there during the day and spray people with a hose fishman replies to that i'll bet that kid was having a ball i get paid and i get to spray people yeah no kidding for a 13 year old boy that's like the dream job our next reddit post is from mancella when i was about eight or nine years old my mom suddenly decided to teach my sister and i to hold our farts until we entered the bathroom i have no clue why maybe she got tired of us letting one rip when the urge came upon us this might have been a very useful skill to have because as a child i used to hold my farts the whole school day and let them go like a bat out of hell the minute i walked through the door at home unfortunately for her i thought farts were the funniest thing on earth and that they should be used with close family as a tool for my own humorous needs so she randomly tells us from this point forward we're only to fart in the bathroom we lived in a single family home with only one bathroom so [Laughter] i would hold my farts all day until i heard her not only enter the bathroom but sit on the toilet and start using it i would then open the door stick only my butt into the room [Laughter] and let go and let go of the farts i'd been holding i would then close the door and say excuse me and walk away to laugh after a few days the only part in the bathroom rule was ditched and apparently this is a fairly common occurrence in some households down in the comments or dr 8 says my mom did the same thing except we were to fart outside she used to like to sit in a particular chair in the kitchen that was right next to the back door it took less than two days of us running up to the back door and putting our butts against the screen and letting it rip right next to where she was sitting to end that fiasco our next reddit post is from jazbee kids are awesome at malicious compliance but it's a two-way street my kids can be picky eaters at times my wife made some damn good chicken soup but the kids were complaining that there were veggies in their chicken soup they hate veggies veggies make them sick and they wanted my wife to pick them out of the soup we tried to tell them that good chicken soup needs veggies to taste good but they were being stubborn i'm sure other parents can understand i told the kids if you really hate the taste of veggies i'll make soup tomorrow and you guys can make sure i only put stuff in you like they liked that idea at the time the next day i got the pot filled with water all the typical soup ingredients out and gathered the kids i asked for their approval on every item chicken yes salt yes black pepper no gross too spicy celery no i can't even stand the smell it went on with that with them rejecting parsley bay leaves and other veggies the total contents of the pot ended up being chicken water salt noodles after the soup was done cooking i served it up and they excitedly started to eat a few funny faces later and one of them said it tastes weird this isn't very good i said but i only put in everything you guys approved i think from now on i should make the soup right they looked at each other and said can we have mom soup instead since that day they haven't complained about finding veggies mixing the food sure they almost always eat around a carrot or green pea but they understand that it adds flavor this might be the most wholesome malicious compliance i've ever read and now i kinda want chicken noodle soup our next reddit post is from antipodico in the sixth grade i bore witness to a stunning example of malicious compliance several grades of classes from our elementary school were called to the gymnasium for some lessons on self-defense we were to be given some very rudimentary examples of how we as children can fight off an attacker if there are no other options the instructor was a man who had a long martial arts title and was unbearably smug about it sure he'd made some big accomplishments but he would take every moment available to deliver his lengthy champion title verbatim damned if i can remember what it was it might have been a willful effort on my part to erase it he was instructing us on how to basically go belly up like a distressed turtle and kick off an attacker we weren't really understanding how this was feasible and we were asking a lot of questions about it he got tired of the questions and called up a volunteer to demonstrate the self-defense technique he called upon alice a girl in my class he didn't just tell her how to get into position however he was putting his hands on her and getting her to light belly up on the wax gymnasium floor in a way that was truly creepy and invasive even to children who might not understand why he gave her long stares and made some quiet remarks to her that we couldn't hear but the expression on her face said yuck i was only 11 years old but i got the gist of the situation and thought to myself this guy is effing gross she had her legs up to kick was making kicking motions but clearly swerving away from making direct hits to this man it wasn't enough for him to just have the kids understand the technique he needed to demonstrate his martial arts prowess he said to her no go ahead and fight me this works on an amateur but i'm a blah blah blah lengthy title he couldn't have known but my entire class knew that alice was a competitive swimmer she had swimming skills beyond her years and all the medals and awards to prove it complete with the muscular development of someone who has spent years mastering their sport particularly in her legs alice sees the opportunity to fight off the man who was clearly throwing up some problematic indicators of his own predatory nature she kicked him a few times clipping a shin on her thigh as he artfully dodged her full-on attacks with a big grin on his face she then triumphantly planted her sneaker directly into his crotch with a force that made both her and this man a red in the face he let out a strangled yelp before crumpling to the ground he dry heaved a few times too he was in medical distress and some adults rushed to get him help to the children though we just saw a guy get kicked in the balls by a kid and that's comedy gold in elementary school he was helped out of the gymnasium amid the roaring bellyaching laughter of over a hundred children astoundingly enough to me at least alice was facing punishment for what happened detention was already assigned and suspension was up in the air thankfully alice's mother rose up with the fury of a thousand women scorned after hearing alice's testimony of events alice faced no suspension and to my knowledge did not attend any after-school detention sessions for the rest of the school year she was recognized as the ultimate badass and reigning queen of justice by testes our next reddit post is from casey my buddy and i were hired to be a glorified help desk support handholders for a special project senior management at a large corporation had their laptops upgraded including new software they'd never use and major upgrades of software they'd previously used we're talking maybe 20 people spread across three buildings downtown all within walking distance of each other my job was to sit in an office and take calls for any issue and i mean any issue that popped into their head the only thing more entitled than senior management are their admin people my buddy's job was to actually go to their desk and hold their hand with whatever issue they had oh and read the epping manual was not part of the support plan he was great at it after the first couple of weeks things settled down and we received very few calls so my buddy was sitting at a desk doing nothing after a few days one of the admin assistants complained that he was doing nothing and was a bad influence on those around him we asked for a different desk but none was to be found he tried looking busy writing up documentation the same person complained saying his job is support so if he's not supporting everyone knows he's doing nothing and that looks bad it's bad for morale what the hell he technically doesn't even work for your company so i realized that our service level agreement said that we had to respond within 30 minutes it was always much less especially if he was in the building so i told my buddy to f off go shopping sit in starbucks and read the paper no one but me knew where my buddy was at the time and i was the only one who dispatched him so i said to my buddy do whatever you want as long as you drop whatever you're doing to be at the person's desk within 30 minutes and if they called for help occasionally they would ask how long it would take and i would say our service level agreement is 30 minutes he'll be there before then and sometimes they would say isn't he in the building and whatever building the person was calling from i would say he's in the other building furthest from him and they would never check with anyone at the other building because they really had no way of knowing where he was only i did that was my job so my buddy went to the movies went clothes shopping shoe shopping sat in the park etc the busybody admin assistant called about the problem one day and said i never see him at his desk anymore where is he i said he's much busier now his morale and i'm sure your staff's morale must be much better now no one ever found out about our malicious compliance the managers he helped loved him and wanted him to stay on he said no until they tripled what he was making about a year later he was made a manager and about six months after that he had that admin assistant fired the morale really improved around there after that that was our slash malicious compliance and if you like this video then hit that subscribe button because i put out new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 501,639

Rating: 4.9465528 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, maliciouscompliance, malicious, compliance, r/maliciouscompliance

Id: nMNBvrFhj_E

Length: 17min 9sec (1029 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 13 2020