r/Choosingbeggars "GIVE ME YOUR FURNITURE OR I'LL SUE!" Funny Reddit Posts

welcome to our slash choosing beggars we're strangers expect you to pay for their vacation hey blank I was wondering if you would like to go to wanderlust with me again this year you would have to pay for absolutely everything as of today because I am still broke however perhaps you were not ideally I would like to go for all four days Thursday through Sunday however I am open to suggestions there are affordable places for us to stay on Airbnb so maybe you could find a few that look good and Facebook me the links all four days with food and snacks gas accommodations at a hundred dollars per night tickets run about 2300 to 2500 for two people let me know through Facebook if you are interested as it is fast approaching this week namaste yeah lady namaste back at you as in nah I must stay here in my home and keep my money and laugh at you because there's no way you're gonna find someone to pay for your vacation I'm a musician and just had this gym hit my inbox hi I bought your CD in 2015 and I have been playing it regularly at work and my co-workers all asked about it I was wondering if I could please get a refund plus an additional $400 I'm sure the exposure alone is worth that I need payment in the next 15 days you're one of my favorite bands and I really don't want to take you to small claims frowny face thanks hey well then if that works you shall not past the dark Napalm mood and nano I have just given you massive exposure and I expect payment for my services immediately I expect each of you to PayPal me five thousand dollars by the end of the week or I'll see you in court saw choosing beggar in the wild yesterday and felt a little like Steve Irwin trying not to be bitten by a croc crikey a friend of mine John and his wife Jane just bought a new sectional couch their old couch and loveseat set are in pretty good condition just in ugly colors so they decided to just give them away they put an ad on Craigslist that says they are free to anyone who wants to come pick them up they get a few calls then a woman calls and comes out to see them she arrives driving a small car likes the couches and says she will take them rates she then asked when we can deliver them John explains the ad says the person taking them has to haul them because he doesn't have a truck a strange conversation occurs for a few minutes while she tries to grasp the idea of a furniture store delivering eventually she says how about a u-haul truck Jane agreed that would work perfectly the woman explained she needs to run a few errands then we'll call to arrange a time great about an hour later she calls and says she is home and we can deliver the couches whenever we want John explains to her once again that she needs to haul them she says I thought you were going to rent a u-haul he responded with I thought you were renting the u-haul you said you would rent the u-haul she said why would I rent the u-haul he asked so you can bring me the couches she said frustrated John gives the phone to Jane who calmly explains that the ad says she has to haul the couches if she wants to rent a u-haul we will happily help her load it but we aren't renting a u-haul to give her free couches she says she will come over and figure this out about an hour later she shows up with the same small car and tells John he needs to either go rent a u-haul or find someone with the truck to haul these he said he will do no such thing if she wants them she hauls them you can see she is getting pissed when she tells them that they agreed to give her the couches and haul them and that is a verbal contract so if they don't deliver them she will sue them from preach of contract at this point Jane steps in and calmly explains to the lady that they have changed their minds and they aren't going to be getting rid of the couches she seems pissed but leaves an hour or so after that they get another call asking about the couches this person asks if they can be delivered and they are told no but if they live close by we will help them load and even unload them at their place 20 minutes later the angry woman shows back up and starts screaming that they promised her the couches so it is illegal for them to give them to anyone else it turns out that caller was her friend calling to test if they are really still giving the couches away John and Jane asked her to leave and tell her even if she gets a truck they aren't giving her the couches she pulls her car so it's blocking their driveway and calls the police when the police arrived she tells them she is the owner of the couches and that we won't give them back to her what happens over the next 15 minutes blew my mind she lied to the police her friend lied to the police and she got angry and threw her keys at Jane and eventually ended up getting arrested because she refused to leave her friend took the car and left and we were all left shaking our heads on the positive side the cuffs brother needed a couch for his den and he came and got them I like how this isn't even a story of revenge these people just literally stood there and did nothing while this woman called the cops and got herself arrested hey blank this is your friend blank from high school it's been a while I was hoping to catch up and see if you were down for an idea of mine huh hey dude what's going on what's this idea of yours well you know I'm graduating college at the end of the semester I saw some photos of the food and stuff that you've been doing professionally and thought it would be really cool if you wanted to do the food for a graduation party for me and my family I definitely have experience it could make something happen how many people and what were you thinking for menu well my whole extended family seems like they're planning on coming so that totals around 75 people give or take as for menu I was thinking that really nice food would be the way to go I was thinking that we could do that pomegranate glaze Sam and you did a while ago and maybe the scallops with truffle cream sauce or maybe you could do like a prime rib carving station out in front of everyone for dessert and you could do those fancy flambe s'more things you put cool pictures of the rest of the small salad stuff you can just fill in whoa if you want truffle scallops and salmon entrees for 75 people you've got to have a crazy budget for this dude budget I was hoping you would do this for free to help a buddy out and get good practice in winky face okay one do you have any idea how much work and effort even just those three things would take why would I use my professional skills for something that crazy for free second even if I did do this for free just those three things loan would cost between 500 to 700 dollars minimum for ingredients and some equipment even if I did a super bare-bones green salad type menu for everything else that's still 800 bucks out of my pocket were you expecting me to pay for you too or did you at least think you should cover ingredients no I had thought that you could handle the ingredients as your gift for me after all it is traditional to bring one to a party for a master's graduate you I'd likely be looking to hire a chef to cater them you would be absolutely first on my recommendations besides it's not like I wouldn't be able to give you anything lots of my friends and family are wealthier people who like to host parties dude are you serious right now the only reason I would be coming to your party in the first place gift or no gift would be to work for three and who thinks that $800 graduation gift is reasonable and did you just say that your idea of payment is an exposure dude for 800 bucks I could probably do all kinds of advertising far beyond what every year 75 group of rich friends and family would bring in sorry but this is a big fat no from me whoa dude take a chill pill I just thought you might be willing to help a bro out for his master's graduation party I didn't think you'd be so bitter about me being more successful than you and take it out of me like that okay last I checked I have high-level high demand skills that are internationally applicable and a salaried leadership role in unique and incredible work environment I'm happily married with a wife and family absolutely zero debt whatsoever and a house close to fruition you parted your way through six years of your adult life and into hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt where exactly does that leave us again and anybody who thinks that me saying $800 out of my pocket to cater your stupid party for free is a no-go is me taking my bitterness out on you is no bro of mine you absolutely self-absorbed prick dang I don't remember you being so awful in high school yeah well I don't remember you being such an entitled butthole either but I also don't remember you at all if you had even talked to me since we left high school before you want a favor and before you try this act on there might be some tiny part of me that would want to help you but as it stands I'm gonna flip you the bird and tell you to f off dick choosing beggars keep asking professionals to work for free for all the exposures they'll get but to be honest an even better way to get exposure is to post choosing beggars online because then your good old buddy are slash will cover the story and potentially get over a million views here's all the exposure in the world for you buddy hey blank how are you fine what do you need so I heard you work at the blank McDonald's and I wanted to know if you could give me and my boyfriend a free meal I don't get free meals at McDonald's but I saw you getting your friend a free meal it wasn't free I paid it with my salary can't you do that for me No why not one I don't want to - we are not friends 3 this is the first time we talk for something unrelated to school for your parents owned a restaurant you can eat there a few you are a bad friend I'm blocking you we are not friends and I don't care have a nice day he's blocking me oh no a choosing beggar who wants my money and who insults me isn't gonna text me anymore whatever shall I do hey man your art looks sick I was hoping to get some stickers and a new profile picture for my youtube channel do you there it'd be dope if you could respond ASAP kinda in a hurry hello oh hey sorry was working on some future comics I'll be posting anywho how many stickers are you looking for and what kind of profile photo did you have in mind - working anyway I want a bunch of stickers to sell so probably like ten to twenty ten for the profile pic just like one of your small guys full-color but a few different ones for holidays and events so probably eight of those hello sorry gotta do some math on this big order well okay it's 80 bucks for five custom stickers so it'd be 160 to 320 for the pack of ten to twenty four profile photos I'm assuming you mean headshots so that'd be 30 bucks flat so eight would be 240 realistically since this is one huge order I'd be down to crunch the 400 to 300 even or the 560 down to 450 hold on where do you get those numbers Opie does a bunch of boring math here which I'm just gonna skip the price reduction was pretty arbitrary just because I appreciate the patronage Jesus your stuff is expensive anyway I wanted to do more of a partnership for this how long will it take you hello howdy partnership can you elaborate and honestly if I start now I can probably have all this done by the end of the week I work pretty quickly when it comes to stickers and this stuff like when I sell the stickers for my channel I'll have your handle on the description area so it'll expose your page you've got like what 400 to 500 I can get you 10 K easy so you'd willingly sign a guarantee that I would receive a following of at least 10,000 people for this project or I'd receive my payment in full what no I can't guarantee that but I can guarantee hand over 500 bucks worth of art see the problem the promise of maybe exposure isn't gonna do much for me I prefer to just be paid by my paypal what the f why though I've got an audience and I'd help you promote because on principle working for free is not ideal for me unfortunately so this is either a paid commission or it's not happening Wow they're just effing stickers kid you have like 400 people who don't give a flip what you make just effing make them yeah so you can sell them and profit leaving my name as a tiny credit to in the description will be hidden until someone clicks it yeah thanks but no things suck a fat one not even gonna bother criticizing you in a vid so you can sit at your little subscribers and come beg for the chance to work with me thank God the further my brand is from that suckling scrotum you call the mouth the better pace plot twist this wasn't a reign and choosing beggar this is an actual conversation between me and an artist because all youtubers are garbage human beings actually I'm just kidding it I could never promise 10k subscribers because all of my subscribers are robots I'm pretty sure I only have like five actual humans watching my videos so that's the most I could ever guarantee hey I was wondering if the speaker you posted on Kijiji is still available hi it is still available okay great what area in blink are you in I can pick it up tomorrow if that works for you hello this is bad customer service don't you think my apologies however I'm not a business so I may not reply immediately I am available tomorrow in the evening and I'm located by blank very good is $20 okay please huh I'm sorry are you sure you saw my ad the speaker is hardly used and worth roughly 200 bucks I haven't posted for almost half price you're welcome to test it prior to purchasing as well I think 120 is way too much I can get a speaker for 20 no one will buy that thing why can't you let it go for 20 I'll pay you 30 if you bring it here tonight I do not deliver as stated in my post if you're not interested in paying the price I've asked please look elsewhere buy one of those $20 speakers you can find wow you're such a stupid grunt I can't believe you won't just sell me that piece of garbage speaker no one will want it just like no one wants you go kill yourself hello you effing bee I need that speaker I have people coming and they're expecting music answer me have a nice night I won't be responding further you psycho effing beat how dare you treat me like this I need that speaker tonight you in breeded mule don't you understand anything hello I'm just going to go to the police and say you stole my speaker good luck I'll use the photo from the ad as prof. can you answer me I'll pay for tea final offer take it or leave it oh man you're going to the police I hope Opie has some evidence to defend himself like I don't know an insane text message chain where you confess to the crime if you think occasionally encountering a choosing beggar is bad try marrying into a family full of them I made that mistake my wife came from full-blooded white-trash who assumed that since I worked a decent job I was gated to cover all their expenses example I came home from work one day and found my wife crying on the phone with her mom her mom had called and was needing two thousand dollars right away to hire a lawyer or she was going to lose everything and my wife convinced me to give it to her it was about half of the savings we had at the time fast forward a week later I am on Facebook and I see my mother-in-law her partner and several of my other in-laws have rented a massive condo and are vacationing for a week on the beach I asked my wife why her mom could afford that but couldn't afford the money for an attorney she told me that her mom and partner have two bank accounts one for necessities and one for fun money and they never pay for necessities like attorneys out of their fun money account that is how they paid for their vacation I had not gone on vacation for two years this was just one example but I would get about three or four demands for money from her family every month I was relieved the day I signed the divorce papers they take the guys money for a vacation and they don't even invite him along that is a low blow these people aren't just choosing beggars these people are choosing buttholes that was our slash using beggars and since exposure is so incredibly valuable I think I'm going to start charging you guys for putting comments on my videos after all you're getting tons of exposure for putting your comment on such a high view video so if you comment on my video I expect you to PayPal me $100 within a week thanks

Channel: rSlash

Views: 2,525,078

Rating: 4.9203687 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, choosingbeggars, beggar, r/choosingbeggars, choosing beggar, choosing

Id: 4klWc0u9s7A

Length: 17min 5sec (1025 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 09 2019