REAL GHOSTS - JonTron

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don't forget to use my promo code if you can spell it ok let's go [Applause] [Music] haunting I'm home today we're gonna be looking at something called haunted lives true ghost stories that's right real ghost stories nothing was real ghost stories this little-known American miniseries eventually shortened to just haunted lives then subsequently retitled to real ghosts I mean what are you gonna do it's hard to settle on a name for something you really care about I mean personally I would have just named it warning do not watch true ghost stories the first season stars a narration of Leonard Nimoy of Star Trek Fame somehow till I guess he realized he was on a sinking ship because he bailed on season 2 the aim of the show was to take paranormal stories that were supposedly true and dramatized them into little shorts not unlike unsolved mysteries on the face of it it doesn't really sound like a bad idea but it seems they mostly lost their heads in the execution going down so once you just get ready and dive right into this episode of haunted [ __ ] shall we lift this is gonna be good reaching out from the world with live shows they glide through the portals of our imagination they shouldn't exist they shouldn't even exist that's a bit of a heavy statement listen I understand they're spooky but who are you to say that morally they should or shouldn't exist look you've made that poor boy cry with your ideology be proud of yourself [Music] well we're off to a good start with that horrendous noise that has shattered my eardrums when one thinks of ghosts one imagines ruined castles or a lonely graveyard in the dead of night but recently psychic Sylvia Browne investigated a series of hauntings in a most unlikely location an ordinary toy store in Sunnyvale California you're not wrong that that's definitely not what I was expecting also I think that is a ghost just in itself this is a place in which they had lost or reportedly had lost six managers so out of desperation they called me and said would you please come in because we think we have a ghost how is this the first thing they went to they're like six managers have quit this toys-r-us within like a three month span this place is [ __ ] haunted I can't believe there was a time like recently in the 90s when anyone would officially call a psychic for anything someone was still dead now one day they'd still do that now don't hurt me like this by the way I thought this was just a dramatization at first but I found out that that is actually renowned psychic Sylvia Browne playing herself everyone else is an actor and this whole thing but Sylvia Browne is playing herself for some reason now if you don't know who Sylvia Browne is I don't blame you during the 90s in America she was this famous medium psychic who claimed to be able to talk to heaven and angels via her spirit liaison Francine but don't worry I've got good news for you they were able to officially debunk her in 2002 they used an advanced method called looking up anything she said and finding out it was made up completely I am just as shocked as you are she's going honey do you know where she's at yeah in heaven on the other side thank God they got to that in the timely manner okay think of what havoc she could be reekin if she were out here today oh wait she can't cuz she's dead I wonder if she predicted death so she wasn't all that toilet when it happened it's a story of unrequited love and not like some of the violence we see at other let's say ghost stories it's it's tragic what are you gonna do every now and then you just get a sad ghost story alright but they can't all be happy it was the new frontier of California Jonnie onsen was a barely literate emotionally disturbed farm camp right okay why don't you tell me what you don't like about the guy consider me a yani onsen fan you sure it wasn't just Johnny Johnson and he just wrote it wrong because he's illiterate Jonnie on submit for just one thing his desperate love for his employer daughter Elizabeth Yanni you have to stop writing me these letters don't mean to upset you Yanni I can't read this [ __ ] anyway you are literally illiterate this isn't even letters it's a picture of a house where's an elephant Yanni where did you see an elephant at 1800 America I don't have very much to offer but what riches I do have are in my heart I don't love you Yanni you have to understand that you can't read but I know you can hear I don't mean to hurt you but I'm getting married in six days and it's best that you forget about me wait wait you don't know me very good point Jonnie that is indeed exactly why she is now backing slowly away from you Elizabeth don't go [Music] real ghosts actual serious ghosts [Music] fiction think again [Music] this man has clearly not seen [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Jonnie no you can't go out like this oh he couldn't read or write or do much but Yanni no to think no one stopped to help this poor man as he was fatally bleeding from the shin funny enough that's actually where the phrase comes from if you don't know the Achilles shin okay that's a very weak part of the body one blow and you're out it's a big flaw in our architecture okay if I was designing humans all right I would have just left the shin out entirely we just connect to the femur directly to the ankle some much sturdier designs you think you could try all you want you're not gonna get a shin blow on that on that design Oh get over it Yanni it's just a dent you'll live time passes as time we'll time is known to do that of course on occasion for it is usually the property of time to pass and so it has what was once an orchard became a busy toys store filled with the sounds of laughter the hum of cash registers and the presence of something else so basically yeah now the orchard where Yanni shinned himself is a Toys R Us what a premise yeah most likely because this is a highly trafficked warehouse at 4:30 p.m. in the afternoon oh sorry ma'am didn't mean to clip the back of your hair there I'm just relocating some fishing line as you can see there's something back there we're in a storeroom they touched me oh that's just mr. Cosby he's here promoting his new lineup puddin pops while your right hand is doing this yes there's something wrong with your bathroom and the water comes on by itself no cause for alarm ma'am that's just the automatic faucets whatever it is it scared you back there couldn't be worse than me sure there's a logical explanation for it come in direct line to Randy Newman god damn it so yeah this is uh what they are trying to pass off as real now you gotta remember this ain't fiction okay this is supposed to be a documented account of the events as they happen okay we got a little problem so I am putting the storeroom off-limits for the next couple of days welcome to ghosts are us can i haunt you is not a joke what's in crab cake this ain't funny did you not see there was a [ __ ] frisbee dance on the walls with a dinosaur back there [Music] yeah sorry kid that's not gonna cover it even with inflation haunted cash register isn't obvious well you think she maybe they push the button no that's the work of a ghost bill did you stack them like that so what about those bill did you stack them like that Wow well no that's a hot mess I'm not sure anyone's gonna be able to tell what that is do you want to show the kind of viewers out there you want to show them if this is supposed to be [ __ ] got you though I just found out some really interesting information a long time ago some people named Elizabeth and Martin Murphy lived here in Sunnyvale they had this hired hand named Yanni Anson now that stuff happened exactly where the store is now you pesky ghost trying to listen what I can tell this has all the signs of a real haunting all of them all the tell-tale signs are here I just loved the fact that Sylvia Browne is actually in this her being in this implies that this dramatization is exactly how it went town she was there she would have to look at the scene with the floating pogo stick and go yep I was there that's exactly how that happened what a tragedy what exactly is a haunting it's spirits that don't know they're dead see in this case Yanni Anson is in a time warp it's unfortunate but that's just how it is I mean I've reviewed all the files here and yep this [ __ ] in a time warp so how long will he be doing this for months years maybe it could be a week if you're lucky unfortunately these things are case-by-case totally situational I love all she's talking about this haunting like it's indoor plumbing she's like that'll clear itself up in a couple weeks months maybe I wouldn't worry about it that night Sylvia Browne tried to summon the spirit of Jonnie Jonnie Jonnie are you with us Yanni can you hear me I can feel its presence known in 1991 all these goons got together and sat down in the back of a Toys R Us and try to summon the ghost of Yanni onsen that's right you heard me they all had a seance with Jeffrey the [ __ ] giraffe and help me get corporate to agree to this how Hani come closer so we can see you I come from the future to tell you that brick-and-mortar establishments would become unsustainable due to online retailers such as amazon.com you're looking for someone yeah I was just looking for a customer sales rep I was wondering which one of these bikes would be best for off-roading Elizabeth Elizabeth Murphy she's on the other side we have to go towards the light to find Beth why now come on Yanni get don't make it hard an ass to be go towards the light huh well that was easier than expected thank you hopefully he's gone nobody likes poor Yanni all right I mean if you get down to it all this guy really did was love a woman and accidentally kill himself in the leg so Sylvia got paid and fled to Madagascar to avoid tax fraud and yannis ghost was cast out of the Super Soaker aisle forever or was [Music] [Applause] and in the end tragedy turned to triumph as Yanni finally learned to read and write good job beyond his appearance in the 1982 seance as evidenced by this famous infrared photograph was not his last haunting this famous infrared photograph no doubt you all know and love this one needs no introduction all right it's as American as Mickey Mouse and apple pie there it is everyone's got one of these laying at home well I might be showing it to you this just looks like a bunch of people waiting around especially that lady she's not even looking if there was a ghost right in front of you wouldn't you think you'd be looking at it she looks like she's just talking her friend like so we do next Sunday I'm pretty sure they're trying to pass this guy off as Yanni onsen but I think if my deduction skills are correct that's just a dude standing there in January of 1991 we revisited the Sunnyvale Toys R Us where employees past and present gather to talk about their experiences in the intervening years this part is amazing they go back to the same store to talk to the employees about their paranormal experiences with Yanni over the years and they basically all have nothing to say but they know this is their 15 minutes of fame and they are not wasting it and I said to the manager you say what did that frighten you and he said it sure did but you say what Lily and I'll tell you what I say I say that I love you with all my heart hey my grandpa I had gone in to use the restroom heard the water turn on kind of looked under saw nobody in the restroom if the water turned off the door opened and let's just say let's just get two things on the record right now one he's currently serving 25 to life and two I didn't know a penis could be malformed in that fashion so I'm working by myself over the door one day on greeting duty and a man walks saying about this hi reminded me a yani so I looked at him I says are you Yanni the ghost and he replied to me I'll never forget it as long as I live he said no sir I'm just here to buy a toy he still walks up and down these halls some day of course he will leave someday he'll Soviet what do you mean someday he'll leave what did everybody just pay you for I saw you with my own eyes sit back there you said hain't be gone and he disappeared back into his wormhole I'm starting to think you might be a scam artist some things never change well this has been fun or painful depending on your definition of words but I've got to be going now so until next time I want to wish you all out there a very merry Halloween [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: JonTronShow

Views: 10,238,665

Rating: 4.9282885 out of 5

Keywords: jontron, real ghosts, haunted lives, true ghost stories, jontronshow, funny, review, halloween, 2019, comedy

Id: KTiRjQZbUfU

Length: 18min 3sec (1083 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 15 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/luckyboy151]

"You sure you don't mean Jonny Johnson?" Oh no

[u/Darthmemer1234]

Oh God yes. Jontron holiday specials=best holiday specials. Here’s hoping we get a Christmas one too

[u/loendrin]

Did anyone else see Arin in the video?

[u/Evilbefalls]

Love the woman saying : now hes gone

But then later says : hes somtimes is still here

😁

[u/ours]

I had to do a double and check IMDB. That episode of Real Ghosts was directed by Tobe Hooper. The "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" Tobe Hooper!

[u/ralpher313]

you beat me to it by 7 seconds lol

[u/LunarRepubl1c]

Christ on a bike, how much of a budget does Jontron have?

[u/TheTallOne93]

"oh that's just Bill Cosby"

Oh God

[u/NikolaTesla1]

I've been fucking GOT!