Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf - JonTron

[Music] [Music] [Music] imagine if you will a reality in which a population was so mediocre they produced more bad films than good ones a reality too ghastly to imagine well open your eyes because there in that world that world is the real one you wouldn't have it and it's that's the one you're in what should we fall day just like this one it reminds me reminds me of so we meet again [Music] probably shouldn't lift that on while I was gone all right thank God it's just a crowd this Halloween we're gonna do something real scary we're gonna watch howling - your sister is a werewolf whatever you go to Kubrick's normal this film is also known by its original name howling - sturby werewolf [ __ ] which if I'm being honest it's got a pretty good ring to it I don't know why they changed that this film almost as if divinely appeared on our planet in the year 1985 starring legendary actor Christopher Lee may he rest in peace it was poised for worldwide success in acclaim or was it while Lee was portrayed in a number of memorable roles such as Saruman the white and the rhymes with poopoo count dooku from the worst star wars movie there were also some roles he may have preferred States Six Feet Under sealed away deep in a mausoleum to be forgotten by man and lost to time but alas we have the Internet and well they they pretty much got everything on there so it's pretty hard to hide stuff I'm warning you wear a helmet this one's gonna be rough the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with blood hey there mr. Lee can I call you Chris did you even know you're being filmed here is that have I got you to be in this movie they just didn't tell you as a movie and she held full mr.ali look out there's a skeleton behind you and there it is howling to your sister's a werewolf I'm feeling I'm gonna be maybe howling a few minutes over here the film starts off at the funeral of a woman who was recently killed the guy at the altar goes on about how everything sucks for a few minutes really getting everyone into the spirit of things the death of anyone is a sad occasion even Hitler nothing we can say or do can bring Karen back shortly thereafter the director points the camera and microphone in the wrong direction as Christopher Lee and another man whispered to each other about dead sisters in the distance what honey I didn't catch that oh just get the hell out of here so Christopher Lee's character named Stefan is a paranormal investigator who tells the brother of the woman who died that he needs to give him a call at his earliest convenience Stefan Kraus co-investigator meanwhile Stefan's the talk of the town as a town's fault can't help but become horny and bother at the mere sight of him Stefan let's go yeah that's normal mr. Krakow how do you know my name I've seen you on television what do you know about the death of Karen white I know that she is a werewolf oh okay in that case you think you could elaborate mr. cross go yeah never mind no need to explain further got you she's a werewolf Scott it's all good Jenny what do you say you said your sister is a werewolf ah [ __ ] the howling - is filmed in front of a live studio audience really that's it [ __ ] no no further comment wait what where are we now what a jump cut that was look Maddy you've gotta be kidding me Chrissy boy over here still got in his old age I got I gotta get I gotta give props where it's due so then all of a sudden focus switches to some characters that sound like a couple of Australians that got concussions say that better myself gonna say that better myself after this exchange the local thuggery right off into an apocalyptic wasteland and out to a warehouse to get jiggy with it but little do they know in reality she's having a really bad cramp in her leg so you wanna play huh we like to play too don't we yeah Wow looks like he doesn't even have the correct amount of brain cells to process the pain in time [Music] yeah that actually just heard for [ __ ] real I forgot whatever joke it is I had planned for that let's move on everyone you made deacon man and he gets real nasty when he's mad this can't be real right this movie is not a comedy and yet the timing is impeccable the great John Candy would have been in awe if he could see this today I know you're there my little beauty and I've got something for ya oh yeah that's threatening alright come on weird nothing strange going on just wanna party so of course this woman was actually a werewolf and she was luring these people to her lair to get eaten [Applause] [Music] bakit wherever the [ __ ] they are the two people from the funeral earlier decided to go to Stefan's house and hear him out after all meanwhile in this scene a sexual predator watches exposition from a distance there are a couple of things I know about you sister oh yeah tell me more backstory maybe this isn't even good exposition I can't Jack my big old dick after this Wow dude why are you bringing this from a zero to a ten put that thing away then when the Bombers start knocking off the chickens we start knocking off the bombs so they meet with Stefan and his mansion full of weird [ __ ] these are done I trust you'd like to see my robust collection of deformed bonobo heads we don't have very much time so I will get to the point immediately this type of bullet killed your sister impossible how could a simple bullet kill a perfectly healthy woman notice anything about them they're silver you know what that means this silver this type of bone against white means your sister is a werewolf Oh God does it though for sure you sure about that it means that your sister was working on a story about one such group you telling me my sister arranged her own murder yes okay this is a videotape of Karen White's last news broadcast oh god that's no that's the wrong thing heavens meet mr. Cotto this is the right one the tape that Stefan shows them depicts this man's sister being murdered live on broadcast as she turns into a werewolf [Applause] [Music] it's fake that's not my sister Ben I recognize those people proof Stephan also explains that the werewolves have a leader named Sterba and that it is his mission in life to destroy her once and for all Stella must be destroyed and I won't do it I think at this point Chris really just kind of starts to improv as lines or at least you know realize the magnitude of his regret on screen either way is beautiful evolution is reversed how can you listen to this ball I resent such words take those bullets and God be with you thank you right do you think Stefan is going on their cemetery tonight to set traps by the way how much that glue from earlier where I squirted in my nose you think got in my brain forgot about the state we got about what now drive a stake through werewolves right wait drive a stake through a werewolves heart unless we're talking about filet mignon I think you might be mixing up vampires and werewolves son of a [ __ ] was talking about my sister no stickiness taking my dead sister yeah I mean I gotta give it to you this is pretty weird not really a normal thing to go around be doing I'm gonna kill the son of a [ __ ] last bit maybe it's best before so been storms off determined to kill Stefan before he can desecrate his sister and Christopher Lee stands on a freeway overpass in Los Angeles for some [ __ ] reason you sure this is the way to the crypt yeah oh yeah that's the way to decrypt all right nothing I stalking your sisters dead body with the conclusion of this event and in Jenny now see that the tail of the werewolves is all true so they shoot bullets at a nearby janitor with facial deformities for fun poor guy I mean he wasn't a werewolf he just bored the big old cleft face after feeling bad for the wretched soul they kindly drape him in a net for warmth and force him to reveal the location of Sterba Queen of the werewolves before kindly stabbing him in the heart with the blade again for warmth guy was cold come on what are you gonna do leave him there I don't know I was thinking of hitting up the nightclub again I want to make sure that what happened to my sister never happens anybody else again when do we leave where do we have to go to find sturby of course Belle skeleton I should have known that through the dog country you don't mean South Jersey Transylvania Transylvania what okay once again the vampire one not the werewolf one okay just pointing it out so yes off they go to Transylvania to fight the werewolves boy it hurts I have to wonder if these weird Dracula references have something to do with the fact that Christopher Lee used to play Dracula back in the 50s I bet they were very proud they snuck this in just got it right past the masses and then they have a ceremony for Grandma I am granny save some of that ecto cooler for the rest of us we're running out again and you ghostbusters well we didn't do that well oh damn Nana you're looking much younger what kind of juice cleanse was that again [Music] this woman was hit by a car we must get her to a doctor quickly you good with that take you don't want to you don't want to maybe try that line read one more time maybe was this even planned is this just some [ __ ] they filmed on the side of the road in Eastern Europe that's not an actor is it this really happened that's just an old lady who really got hit by a car she's gonna die isn't she she's trying to say hello okay you're just gonna go you're all done here it's gonna walk away ladies still down still got one down over here oh god that's not Madison where the hell everybody go yeah yeah I'm not really sure I'm following you on this one and after you stabbed that lady who got hit by the car in the heart I'm thinking maybe you don't have the best judgment Stefan please Stefan where you going why are you leaving it's a farm where you going come back here come on over here I'm going to the village I will see you there later shortly after going to a local poon house to get my tank licked so now we arrive at the next setting of the film what is supposedly a small Eastern European town in Transylvania lovely room for the lady in gentleman room six six six this hotel doesn't look like it has six floors thereafter Jenni brings out some vampire garlic to piss me off even further and she won't stop talking like a baby seriously everyone in this movie talks like an actual baby asking where their mom is where's Stefan I don't know what the hell we're doing here I think the director felt similarly [ __ ] Christ that escalated fast Oh God please stop oh just make it stop what is this Godfather 3 you tried to dethrone the king and queen of the awkward makeout scene Oh No is that a [ __ ] beckoning well you know shits about to go down if a [ __ ] beckons these men have sworn to fight still a Silla must his humble brother daughter his wife and Jesus last year he was crucified by werewolves the time being I just want you to behave as ordinary tourists how do we keep in touch with each other Constantine and Lucca or set up a puppet boozing square and you could communicate with me through them all through Father Florida instead of like all that dough could just call your cell phone so that night Jenny decides to take a bath and unwind from all this chaos Oh No a creeping dolly shot that can only mean one thing oh my god it's a werewolf or a loli then this comes back my god it's just not right how do you think they felt on set huh look at this guy look at him you think he was really into that secretly pretending he wasn't he looks pretty into that condom keep an eye on Jenna at this point in the film things are just getting more and more 80s as time goes on I'm in fact not entirely sure they didn't just accidentally slip in some b-roll from a Madonna concert [Music] after Jenny is captured against her own will and Ben descends on stir bus castle things begin to escalate gradually with an email is Sabbath what do you want to do about sentry a penis knife why didn't I think of that [Music] [Applause] I know that's right that one I can't can't get can't get as much behind that one what in the goddamn hell is happening in this stupid movie lord then now Stephane is like following a weird little girl down an alleyway because she has some locket yeah that's probably the best course of action like there's no one figured out that this set of circumstances usually leads to a murder still gonna follow her down the alley little laughing girl alright let's do it just two last question I have been Gandalf thank you for your that's all I needed you all right no no actually I don't think I'm ever gonna unsee that we must leave for the castle tonight these are our weapons the consecrated oil wax from the sacred candles a dagger forged from titanium and a chalice which held the sacred blood of Christ oh you got that and this is just a [ __ ] gun I'll take that yeah that's probably the best choice also can we talk about how just you know nobody bothered to ask how he got the Holy Grail he just got that just has that also that means Jesus has proved real we're just gonna whiz on by this [Music] so as we reach the climax Stephane finally confronts turbo demons and powers of adversity bound and held subject to his will we meet again all of us [Music] in the name of God day I don't know what the use of showing that guy's face was dog cake now with dragons coming out of it yeah hopefully the Christmas episode isn't this weird so the curse is reversed Sterba is killed and Ben and Jenny get out unscathed to live happily ever after or do they Jenny for the last time I told you this is Halloween they dress up it's just a thing you know what forget it you're a sweet kid just don't worry about it your neighbors on your trial just knocked on our door coming a little later I hope so hey I think compared to that I would have preferred my neighbor was a werewolf oh by the way the sister is still trapped in the crypt screaming screaming forever is a werewolf because no one laid her to rest just thought I'd point that out okay now here's the credits sequence and I don't know if I can accurately impart how ridiculous this is so over the credits they use the song from the beginning and I've not edited this at all this is how it is to the beat of the music they loop this woman Sybil Danning ripping her shirt off in the scene from earlier 17 times to the beat of the music hallelujah there is a God after all [Applause] what can you really say huh sometimes you just want to share your art with the world just want to share some ladies tits you're hired 17 times in a row with the world that's the scariest [ __ ] I've seen all year happy Halloween everyone and thank you for watching is this ours can I break this hello whoo-hoo what a spooky Halloween this episode of jontron was made possible by the people at audible.com if you don't know about audible.com they are the premier provider of your audio books and audio products you can listen to your audio books on a computer or take them to go on your phone or tablet and if you use my specialized link audible.com slash jontron you get a free audiobook and a free 30-day trial and you get to keep the audiobook even if you cancel this Halloween me and bums you over here recommend to you is shining written by Stephen King narrated by Campbell Scott it's gonna be a good one you should go and get that goodbye everyone [Music]

Channel: JonTronShow

Views: 11,734,258

Rating: 4.9538407 out of 5

Keywords: jontron, howling II, howling 2, the howling, your sister is a werewolf, movie, review, christopher lee, funny, halloween

Id: l2zAR8vbfIw

Length: 22min 26sec (1346 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 30 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/TrueEnigma]

Damn Jon really lost weight. He's looking good.

[u/NewGamePluss]

Made some gifs!

Shooting a clown

Zipper Gang

TITS!!!

Peeking in

Whole tits sequence

[u/HotDiarrheaSmell]

Beginning of video: "Boy, am I glad I can watch Jon riff on this movie rather than having to watch it."

By end of video: "I really fucking have to watch Howling II!"

[u/nyyankeegal]

Fuck, arin's on a diet. Jon's losing weight. It's making me want to just get back on keto and lose the last 20 I need to lose, for real lol

[u/[deleted]]

Wow, 1985 times were scary

[u/[deleted]]

the werewolf killer starter pack apparently consists of

knife

bigger knife

holy grail

and a bigass gun

One of these is not like the other...

[u/forever_aloe]

Holy Hallowe'en Tits!

[u/RogueSpartan]

Here are the uncensored tits if anyone wants them I don't know who would though...Right? NSFW obviously

[u/[deleted]]

As much as I laughed at this and his other explorations into terrible movies, I hope he does more video game stuff soon. Also, he's looking very well with that weight off.