Dan Aykroyd's Crystal Skull Vodka - JonTron

[Applause] when I was a kid you only watch from God you know watching another person play video games is like going it's the ghost of late-night television there's no telling how long that thing's been dead why have you come your apparition easy to reclaim you're lost relevance I am pumped to see solo anybody else except Oh a way Specter they gave you the trending tab what more do you want if saturday was Prince Harry and Megan Markos wedding looks like I'm gonna need to bring in the big guns this time around alright Who am I gonna call Bill Murray two aloof probably won't pick up Ernie Hudson I would but I don't think he's forgiven me for farting into pudding at his Bar Mitzvah Harold Ramos definitely not gonna pick up and that only leaves dan Aykroyd no I can't call Dan I can't there's gotta be some of the girls Buster's I can call right on second thought Daniel did Dan you've got to help me hurry up and don't forget your proton pack what what what did you say crystal skull [ __ ] you talking about Dan vodka vodka alright that's good see you soon alright ghosts I'm going out for a drink with Dan see you when I see you but if you're a video game player who likes me and while I'm gone no ectoplasmic Oh son of a [ __ ] [Music] so Dan Akroyd has apparently retired from the comedy world to bring you none other than you guessed it vodka Crystal Head vodka to be specific you may have actually seen the stuff the liquor store before and just not have known it came from the Blues brother turned distiller that's a weird name nothing to do with anything I just thought I'd mention actually the spod cos been out for quite some time over a decade it's been going since 2008 this is the real stuff okay just take it from the website the crystal head bottle was designed with a pure spirit in mind dan Aykroyd and John Alexander wanted to craft a vessel worthy of one of the world's purest vodkas a symbol of life reflecting power and enlightenment vodkas have been a path to enlightenment I've clearly been drinking the wrong vodka Crystal Head contains no additives no glycerol citrus oils or sugars thank God nothing is added to enhance or mask the taste guys I don't know if you've been around vodka much but I'm not sure there's much you can do to mask the taste of it alright the flavor is somewhere between antiseptic and poison Crystal Head vodka would like to geolocate you do your consent listen when you ask like that absolutely not no I do not listen most websites just ask you if they can know your location which creepy as it is it's nowhere near as creepy as that it doesn't imply that an area 51 space vessel is going to be sent to my location if I push yes but anyways this vodka is very special mainly because Dan Aykroyd is 100% but [ __ ] insane but I'll let him do the talking for him ladies and gentlemen I would like you to enjoy dan Aykroyd 'he's crystal head vodka I'm dan Aykroyd since childhood I have been fascinated with the invisible world a world which could help us get through life if we know how to draw upon its power a world serving positive projections where any you use your own personal mental and spiritual abilities to believe and subsequently make true the things that you want to happen for yourself also healing miracles the presences of spirits and beings once living now gone into another life but who continue to intrude into our waking consciousness which support the premise that ghosts UFOs of their occupants plus other non worldly presences exist they're gonna stop you you stifled me till now but what is this did you bring in a 15 kilobyte JPEG a clearly fake ghost from Google images for your national reveal trailer of your vodka that's what you're gonna use and I'm just honestly shocked there are plenty of photographic and audio materials both conventional and digital and also some trace physical evidence yes indeed plenty of evidence as you can see we're using exhibit proof right here on the screen all of the foregoing are actual elements in our existence over half of the world believes in such phenomenon yeah I'm gonna need some citation there may be a couple peer-reviewed studies you can throw my way over half the world what is that like 4.2 billion people I don't I don't even think three of the people watching this 240p video you put up believe in this phenomena dan by for instance haunting people or places they indicate a supra form of reality as valid as our normal reality well hold on no on second thought that one is pretty compelling enhanced image supernaturals real after all we've had nothing to touch until now this is an accurate glass rendering of a human skull the first question that comes to mind that I want to ask is why designed by my friend renowned American portraitist and landscape painter John Alexander who's most really cool that guy sounds really sick I still wanna know why he made a skull though and why it's accurate and also why that matters it has been constructed to our demanding specifications after more than two years in development demanding specifications it's a [ __ ] glass skull I'm pretty sure you can get these at Walmart on a Halloween you charlatans dare call this a skull my specifications were demanding I tell you demanding I don't recall asking for sloth from the Goonies we're sorry mr. Aykroyd but that's what your Nana's skull looks like silence according to Bruni no one has ever attempted to make a bottle of such quality and complexity as I hold in my hand the obvious question is why did we this yes dan indeed you've done it that is the question of the hour John and I have always been avid researchers on the subject of the legendary 13 crystal heads which have been unearthed at numerous locations and at various times on our planet of course I should have known he's making this because he wanted to make something based off the crystal skulls now I'm pretty sure mostly you know what the crystal skulls are they were in the Indiana Jones movie after all but in case you don't the crystal skulls are a human skull hard stone carvings made of clear or milky white quartz claimed to be pre-columbian Mesoamerican artifacts by their alleged finders and so you know that can only mean one thing aliens now pretty sure it's just crystal skulls but aliens too there are now seven heads known to be in mankind's custody places varying from the Yucatan Peninsula in Central America the British Museum piece and one currently owned by a woman in the southwest who claims that she had to finally put it in a closet after he or she began speaking to her yes of course the British Museum the Louvre and Maria's Closet in Plano Texas currently it resides between the unwashed laundry and the wrapping paper from last Christmas just so everyone knows let's break it down here we're dealing with a man who believes in just about everything that probably doesn't exist you know ghosts aliens ectoplasm gnomes you could have just as easily been drinking out of a little crystal on gnome right now if the face of lined it's a [ __ ] supernatural slot machine with Dan Aykroyd did this man actually believe he was fighting real ghosts on ghostbusters they think he was in a documentary was Coneheads a documentary is that a quite it goes equally fascinating is that according to both physicists and jewelers these heads should not exist but should have shattered in the course of making them indeed the navajo believe they were to bring the navajo into this i guarantee you whatever they believe made ten times more sense of whatever this [ __ ] is hopefully this acceptance will lead to a less violent and more harmonious world as we respect the acceptance that there is more to life than mere material reality on that note buy my vodka available at these retailers in your local metro area now what to put in a bottle laden with such symbology and iconographic value vodka four minutes and 56 seconds that's four minutes and 56 seconds this man took to say the word vodka in this commercial about vodka to tell you how we did achieve this I'm going to turn you over now to my friend Phil power of the Newfoundland liquor corporation where we are manufacturing Crystal Head vodka listen I do not know this man I do not represent US vodka all I know is one day births in here he just like this I just did it to show you if you no way I can get out of this contact my son Thomas and his webs own he knows a lot more about computers than me I really need a way out of this we chose Newfoundland because of the purity of their land and their water Newfoundland is known in Canada as the rock and for good reason oh yeah you get a point it does look like Dwayne Johnson it's so far east it's in its own time zone it's located off the coast of Canada about a thousand miles east of New York therefore it is far away from most forms of pollution hey what the hell you trying to say about my city man New York is a beautiful culturally rich metropolis you just have to have eyes to see hey you know what I think I'll go for a leisurely stroll right now is this my home just beautiful I love it this is some wrong to hear what's going over there some sort of urban bird feeder two guys with Minecraft [ __ ] him did not see that no beauty looks like one bit hello how do I get home oh that's not good dude some for my loins are you stupid hipster I tried I tried I did did you get it I tried to make it look natural I I can't go back out there here's Phil to tell you more in order to make crystal head vodka we use the purest alcohol available it's not double distilled it's not triple distilled it's quadruple distilled squared and cubed that's too much distillation guys what you crazy you think the world is ready for this we just got used to pop punk just when we thought we could not make Krystal head vodka any more pure Dan came up with a suggestion he proposed filtering it through diamonds I turned to him and I said Dan what the actual [ __ ] did you just say to me right now get out of my sight get out of my sight we trip will filter the vodka through five hundred million year old diamonds diamonds diamonds I swear I've seen this at the store and it was all like 50 bucks let me check yeah it's it's only like 49.99 40 - 99 - what do you mean they filter this through diamonds all right come on if we're going for that absolute purity its diamonds really the most valuable thing you could think of I got one for you better okay Dan could you remind me what's your net worth again oh yeah it's a hundred and thirty-five million dollars just filter it through you man you're worth more than your weight in diamonds literally and I'll prove it so your average person weighs about 62 kilograms but Dan's the only thing but your average person he weighs a nice and healthy 100 13 kilograms now diamonds are made of pure carbon and we know that the human body by composition is about eighteen point five percent carbon there are 1000 grams per kilogram and there are five carats in the gram so run the numbers and Danny Boy you're coming out to a whopping one hundred and four thousand five hundred and twenty-five Paris now if you search the going rates for diamonds you'll find that 1/4 carat diamond goes at cheapest for about two hundred and seventy five dollars but we are of course dealing in carats here so we've got to multiply that by four and we get four hundred eighteen thousand one hundred forty carats take those Porter carats x they're going rate of $275 and and you get to our actual Portland diamonds that is 114 million nine hundred and seventy seven thousand five hundred dollars damn you're expensive yeah actually they're for real one of it as you can see it's much bigger and the process wouldn't be that hard either I'm telling you just drip it right through you don't worry it's easy I just I'll show you you just gotta find the hole there she's beautiful you just hang tight you big hunka man you don't lift a finger you just relax now I'm bullshitting yeah handcuffs are absolutely part of it by buying purities yeah whoa I see him dripping away God's Pierce so pure in order to make crystal hit vodka we take this water who 500 million year old crystals known as Herkimer diamonds so wait a minute they use some five million year old diamond called a Herkimer diamond it's a Herkimer diamond I've never heard of that before Herkimer diamonds are not actually diamonds but our double terminated quartz crystals I'm sure you're all familiar with that if my quartz is single terminated I'm out of here bucko prepare to be double terminated no one can explain why but people who have tasted - vodka have noticed a difference no one can explain why huh we are confident that people will enjoy Crystal Head triple Herkimer diamond filtered Newfoundland deep aquifer pure spirit vodka perfect as a lone shot whether you wish to explore and discuss the mystical implications of your life on this amazing plane of existence or not the truth is that this is a luxury vodka in a cool bottle you went through all that you said all that nonsense recited all those complex or as beautifully and then two seconds for the thing ends you describe it as a cool bottle cool thank you so I would normally end this video here but unfortunately it doesn't end here this is a man who really wanted to sell some vodka so at some point Dan went all over national television trying to shill his product and there you know he's getting invited on cuz they think they're gonna sit down and have a chat with mr. Ghostbuster a little do they know they're gonna have a couple laughs with a cone in with the body and work dude how'd you get so smart I surround myself with people who are far more knowledgeable than I am in these things the bottle told us what to put in their products have glyceride right it's a cousin to glycol glycol is a cousin of glyceride and glycol as antifreeze glycol and raw sugar we took them out of the bar a great salesman now the tough thing about selling this it's a little pricey this is what about 50 bucks of bottles that right [Music] for mr. Ackroyd the new business vodka in his crystal head vodka brands from laughs to liquor that's what they're gonna go with that's not usually a good thing why do you want to go into vodka if it's owned by so many dominant brands and what we have here is a luxury premium spirit that has no additives this is the exact moment the host starts to realize oh dear I think many lesser vodkas add glycol which is antifreeze they adds caustic bug exterminate and they also add sugar chemicals bug poison and sugar nobody asked you if there was a glycol or citrus or that's what people are getting worried when you bring it up when you are a lot of lesser vodkas if you open them up they smell like Chanel number five thank you open a vodka smells like Chanel number five the [ __ ] is Chanel number five is it a perfume I never thought that a [ __ ] vodka smell what kind of [ __ ] can you drink Danny it's not exactly original many celebrities have launched alcohol brands some of your colleagues here what's okay I didn't doctor that those are real these are real mud caused by celebrities Pharrell has cream vodka based cream liqueur looks like an onion Willie Nelson's got old whiskey river bourbon and of course pain you know with the limoncello who could forget her remember I probably pass it up the Nile thinking it was freaking juice I mean that's the best thing damn if you don't come up with lemoncello I mean straight up if Danny DeVito made a liquor with his head as the bottle I'm there every time every time I won't drink anything outstanding [ __ ] Beijing all right now this one he goes on Larry King it's pretty amazing and our feature in feature dinners dan Aykroyd all right tell me about the Hat now who came up with his skull my daughter tried to explain it to me I still don't get this you like this is clean vodka this has no glycol a lot of luck look the look in Larry King's eye that is a real captured on camera double tape from Larry King soon as as soon as Dan brings up the glycol he's like like should it not have had glycol what's glycol my sir vodkas have antifreeze glycol and and they put him in there for smoothness see he waited he wait it was like he waited for Dan to go first it's a smart man that Larry King now I know why I survived for so long very nice yeah there's no oh boy start of the ruination I'm dying I'm dying dad you've killed me it's over I wish you put glycol in this because I could feel my bones melting so we have just won in Moscow we won the double gold medal for taste over 400 other vodkas for excellent case if Russians don't know superior vodka what do they know Sputnik nuclear armaments if we were entering a new contest and we won there that's a good nuke well apparently it won in Russia but you can't buy it anywhere in Moscow it's not on the site maybe those Russians were just being polite Cheers thank you Oh gone for round two that I respect a right Larry King daring going where no TV host has dared to go before I think at the end of the day Larry King was just happy he can get out of there without telling Dan Aykroyd his vodka tastes like [ __ ] but it actually is pretty good [Music] oh my god could I have not seen it before how could I have been so careless stupid now that I'm looking at it in this light I think I'm beginning to see the truth New York LA London oh my god those crystal skulls everywhere how could we have been so blind there's none in Moscow though where you said you won the award but oh well they're Russian who cares and the conspiracy deepens I can't find a single Crystal Skull in all of South America right now caracas bogota san salvador belize city you know like where the whole thing's supposed to be from in the first place cool blimey there it is the hidden Crystal Skull and all of South America located within a 100 kilometer radius of Rio de Janeiro I finally found it is it true do you possess the Crystal Skull Vodka thank you all so much for watching this video and I hope it helps bring out the Crystal Skull that I know is deep down inside each and every one of you also I just want to give a huge shout out to the amazing people over at honey for sponsoring this video and helping to make it a possibility if you don't know what honey is it's a free browser extension that automatically finds the best promo codes from around the internet and make sure you get the best possible price whenever you shop online it really is that simple it only takes two clicks to get like so you go to my super special magical link join honey calm slash jontron that's a sexy URL then you just click Add honey click Add again to add the extension to your browser and you're done you got it here's some footage of me using it for actual real this is true I had to buy a new computer for the office so I got the order ready got it in the cart and honey pops up in the corner and tells me it's found some coupons so I click it and wham bam there it goes off to the races like literal magic it automatically applies all the codes from around the web till it's found me the best possible price I can get it saved me 8245 on this transaction it really works there's literally no good reason not to add honey to your browser today so if you want to save money whenever you shop online go grab honey for free at join honey calm slash jontron once again that's join honey calm / jontron hey we got an awesome new collection of the latest jontron fashion over at represent calm so either click that link right there on the screen or the one in the description to check them out maybe even violin if you're crazy enough to be that cool hate that right flick see we're good try start some [Music]

Channel: JonTronShow

Views: 15,836,483

Rating: 4.9470506 out of 5

Keywords: jontron, jontronshow, dan aykroyd, crystal head, vodka, crystal skull, ghostbusters, comedy, funny, coneheads

Id: VSrLG1zPr2g

Length: 21min 59sec (1319 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 25 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/Paulisawesome123]

Wow this 11 months was much quicker than the last 11 month hiatus

[u/ColdWarWarrior]

I first learned about the skull vodka through Red Letter Media when they reviewed the new Ghostbusters, it nearly killed Larry King. The vodka, not Ghostbusters 2016.

[u/[deleted]]

Jontron uploading only after about a month. Is this real life?

[u/Pighast]

Dan Echroyd

[u/Crushing76]

TIL Dan Aykroyd is batshit insane.

[u/Ftfalcons]

Jontron's over here uploading more frequently than Scottthewoz

[u/JimLazerbeam]

I'm getting some Plinkett vibes from Jon

[u/Sammyboy616]

r/theydidthemath

​

Did not expect that I'd be learning Dan Ackroyd's weight in diamonds when I saw this video in my subscription feed.

[u/imperialcipher9]

This video contains no glycol, I promise.