r/Cursedcomments | EAT HIM

there was a boy in my seventh grade class that wasn't allowed to have coins because he'd eat them jingle jingle jingle jingle jingle him taking a dump must have sounded like a slot machine paying out hello local generic bank i'm here to make a deposit oh that's wonderful what were you to be tom oh my god [Music] g'day friends welcome back to mk my name's jack you're down under snack that smiles back and it is time to once again slobber our pinkies and give a wet willy into the ear of our slash cast comments i really thought i was coming up with a good metaphor then but i failed miserably do me a favor pretend that never happened took an allergy test i am allergic to almost everything ah but on the bright side your wrists now have extra grip do not leave home do not pass go do not have a social life do not consume any food or drink or just eat a big peanut butter sandwich and hope you roll better stats when you respawn oh i don't think this is dnd i don't have any fancy studio lights for this photo shoot but i do have a big old [ __ ] truck autobots i should have pulled out oh no it completely ruins the image here god even the trucks like looking down and sadness i don't know today i learned that only 20 people have been boiled alive in yellowstone national park but with your help we can change that for just a small monthly donation you can help us sacrifice a tourist to all faithful every single day come on now do it for your country what's the most creative insult you've heard in a call of duty lobby camp's hotter than anne frank update get ready for a pounding some of us could see eight inches or more that's too much even for me oh come on dude how can you not how can you not be aware of what you said he taps out at seven and a half those are rookie numbers meanwhile some originally created content in our slash i'm 14 and this is deep poor people spend money on things they like to wear and rich people also do that that but to be fair at least the rich guy has a 70 card also why is the poor guy wearing an eye patch yes because i've had to resort to pirating three inches of snow is enough to freak texas then why is my girlfriend complaining because at least the snow lasts longer than two minutes oh that's cold before i met him after we started dating i improved him now he's like my ideal white man a good ideal man homeboy got colonized what the frick science teacher our sun will eventually turn into a red sun me and the comrades hmm yep seems about right very accurate because at that point it starts the process of killing everyone yay science also historically accurate my cat's name is noodle i bought him this hat he is now chicken noodle oh wow eat him men of reddit would you take a male birth control pill why or why not hell yeah i don't want to be giving birth anytime soon right no way i'm pushing a baby out of my peepee until i'm damn sure i want kids yeah maybe word the question a bit better how do you keep warm in a cold room you go to the corner because it's always 90 degrees meanwhile not in america can confirm sitting in a 90 degree celsius corner is almost definitely comfortable it also is perfect for cooking your roommate don't mind me just following the advice of an image on the internet which president alive or dead would you like to drink with all of them in the same room at the same time things would get very interesting i imagine the founding fathers would all be drinking at one part of the room and number 45 would be in a corner all by himself so with 44 for different reasons moms smoking doesn't affect my baby the kid a couple years later yeah you invested in this what the frick was she smoking a 128 pack of crayola crayons meanwhile lady crochet is the ultimate costume for her kid okay this is yup this is the best thing ever child alien i need to see a child predator next hi i'm chris hanson why don't you have a seat so they sold it to us but they said they have to keep the cross up there any any ideas what we could do with that yeah just give us some dumbbells call it e10 crossfit i made my steering wheel full of cleansing energy now every time i drive i vibe up and my car gets a love charge as well i'm doing my entire car interior with crystals oh god it looks like such a shoddy job too if it weren't for the fact they're shiny you could totally mistake it for food scraps and bubble gum doctors will be having a tough time removing all that positive energy from your head after the car crash fun fact did you know the biggest schlong the guy has the slower he walks well according to this tick tock thought i am the flesh that explains every time i have to race somewhere it shrivels up ah the science so usain bolt has no peepee that explains why some people are scared of tortoises and snails lads if she wants one of those as a pet you know your time's up my three-year-old asked how long he had to wait until he could stop listening to me i told him he had to listen to me for the rest of his life he looked me dead in the eyes and said i'll listen to you for the rest of your life toddler's a cold-blooded man yep not if he dies first guys what do i log in after uh after i register as a sex offender discord super bright flashy light cold white dancing yeah yeah i showed this to my epileptic friend now i don't have an epileptic friend stop sending me pilots for your star wars series idea i'm not that john favreau i feel your pain man she was bad a freak a fine lady indeed would have to shake the fabric of time and space itself to remove my tongue from her butt why didn't george washington's father punish george after he chopped down the cherry tree because george was still holding the axe question not my actions father else the next tree i chop down will be the family tree breaking kylie jenner has just announced that she is donating her organs after death for people in need alright step one shoot myself in the stomach area step two get an organ transplant with her organs colon intestines stomach etc step three enjoy the rancid smell of kylie jenner's farts coming right out of my own butt this is something that someone posted and they have my name i am technically tied to this males of reddit how would you feel if a girl gave you a flower i would just be glad they came to my funeral oh i swear the frick i just sniped to fly midair with my nut shot holy brick boat land no one in this world is satisfied yep these two people in extremely comfortable living situations they oh gosh so needy there's also the potential for food for whoever is the strongest time traveler hey what year is this soldier it's 1916 in the middle of the great war oh you mean world war one yeah world war what now oh after the war i can't wait to reapply to art school back in germany nuns if i were a nun i would wear heelies and glide everywhere just to frick with people no don't do that i'm pretty sure the bible doesn't say otherwise so creed powder concrete black blaze powder blaze black gun powder gun block i prefer america block yup minecraft education edition how do i get a boy to like me treat him like a king hmm schling are we going to ignore the fact that the mother twisted her head over her shoulder without having to twist her torso without snapping her own neck it likely explains the advice going horrifyingly dark when you pray to god to remove all the problems in your parents life and you wake up the next day in heaven oh what's up something's wrong here took me a second to get it but i love it yeah take this hoe a vote an award heaven needs more people like you wait is that a threat guys i think i downloaded the wrong hitman 3. even agent 47 is confused agent 69 your target is stuck in the washing machine nice work agent 69 now pull out and finish the target prison or something i don't know i'm swedish proceeds to walk to the orphanage with an axe i'm getting kind of desperate for a home question how much did all this cost answer he gosh that's america never forget the sacrifice of those brave americans who are ground up and made into hot dogs youtubers that want to revenue instead of this say frick instead of this say female dog like with the underscore or i still prefer feminine pup though i don't know it's got more syllables and it's harder to hear when you say it quickly instead of this you could say wait really we could say crap well i guess we'll know when this is uploaded and if it's been bleeped or not instead of say instead of a child sleeping it's the price adoption robbery surprise communism think you guys are ruining the joy of surprises here what's a fact that makes you uncomfortable we'll start your bones are wet there's a moment during the cremation process where the meat is perfectly cooked ooh double discomfort since hot dogs are basically just pureed meat stuffed inside an animal intestine and hot dog doesn't stop being a hot dog even after we eat it we just become the new hot dog casings and that makes us in a way hot dogs as well oh triple terrified about my existence mom why are you laughing me kirby drives over the curb darth vader blowing a bagpipe on a unicycle yeah i have a very specific fetish luke your wee lassie i'm your daddy laddie if you don't find a way to make money while you sleep you will work until you die meanwhile streamer made sixteen thousand dollars filming himself asleep and letting viewers disturb him with loud noises oh just look how much fun he was having well this way you can also make money after you die just put a live stream in your tomb and let people see you decomposing you know we say that as a funny joke but let's be real that's gonna happen five-year-old me are babies created by kissing my parents it's an oversimplification of events but yes my son once asked how i put him in mommy's tummy i said that it was kind of like magic he asked if i used my magic wand i almost died laughing yes yes i did yeah it's all fun and games until he asked the said magic wand yeah try not to encourage him referring to the magical one too much dad let me play with your magic wand why having big boobs sucks i'm a 30-h too problem is i'm also a man ugh men stealing everything now they've got boobs too fun fact during earthquakes coffins become underground maracas hi hello there damn six feet and three inches you're tall these are two separate measurements oh well never mind i didn't know humans could only be three inches tall with a six foot peepee too trust me it's not the best life you get aroused for a second you're risking heart failure why do men not so fast gotta get home to the woman i love that wait no that's sweet of you no homo but jesus looking pretty cute on the cross i know i'm cute he really nails it terrible memes naked girl gets 500 likes in five minutes let's see how much better it can get have you ever tried posting naked veterans people who stay up late are more likely to die early finally some good news look how they masquerade by boy what are you doing to it it's not even a place where's the foamy stuff on top my mama mia now i got to kill you what if it's rabid last time there was a germany italy japan collaboration it didn't end well don't ever feel bad about yourself squirrels can't find 74 of the nuts they bury yes if your life is ever going bad just remember to compare yourself to a far inferior and simple-minded creature that is a good way to evaluate your life well it's great and all but i mean neither can i so what else why do gamers not so fast like boy sex is not a speed run slow down fella women be like why do dudes not so fast right before they give you some ultra beyblade lettering hurricane katrina to lock spin cycle head like come on man i'm not ready for this vacuum cleaner condoms are not biodegradable condoms are not biodegradable condoms are not biodegradable condoms are not biodegradable if you care about the planet have unprotected sex stds and babies are also not biodegradable babies are absolutely biodegradable and edible especially important for my super secret compost recipe today's last is tomorrow's tomato sauce that's how you get past the law it's not abortion it's recycling with so much free porn on the internet why would you donate to only fans and not some medical research because i can't jerk off to cancer research challenge accepted i didn't challenge and did it easy what is even the context behind this image i am lost for words this is honestly one of my all-time favorite historical pictures because of the three dudes that are just losing it in the front so you're telling me those three dudes aren't in the middle of having their prostates milked harder than a cow during the great depression you can't convince me that the dude on the right is not getting a hob goblin knob slobbering double decker pekka wicker great thing is they could all be shouting blow yes blow and you wouldn't tell who they're talking about if santa keeps track of naughty kids every year and the year doesn't start until january 1st that leaves 6 days after christmas and new year's left undocumented so nothing you do can be held against you the perch season's greetings i went to russia just to play this song oh very impressive can you play radioactive in chernobyl lovely after two years of work my restaurant simulation game will launch today wow how long does it take for the player or restaurant owner to accumulate crippling debt develop alcoholism and cheat on his wife with one of the waitresses this comment is insanely accurate to something that actually happened in my life oh god which one's the cursed comment here an extremely realistic mechanical rhino sand sculpture it's a radon right on these nerds that had nothing to do with the image aside from just the pun i i hate this what is this 1980s european power rangers a german band dressed as mongols singing about russia this is poland's worst nightmare those moans be faker than santa wait santa fake oh shoot i forgot this was a kid's website meanwhile in minecraft i made some awes for blind players ah it was braille that's uh creative in theory damn bro i'm sure they'll be glad to see this yeah look i think there's a small factor you're not considering here this is what exponential progress looks like 2001 ipod 1 000 songs in your pocket 2020. 60 million songs on your wrist in 2040 12 trillion songs in your anus what do you like to do in your free time i like stalking people what okay i like listening to music i know it's only a matter of time until someone uses a drone to surprise adopt a child ah you mean reverse stork best boy names paul stewart joe gilcomish destroyer of the seventh dimension harbinger of death well my friends just call me gil for short they're too busy dying at my insatiable thirst for human suffering that they can't speak any longer than one syllable ugh men have such unrealistic standards for women men i'm looking for a girlfriend requirements i must be alive it must be girl those are some pretty high standards man i mean do they really need to be alive when you ask for a bj and instead of a [ __ ] she brings you breakfast and juice in the morning i didn't expect that reaction but that's okay thanks mom disappointment running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose first but why does the wall have a boner corona i can explain malaria your treatment requires a few days or mine requires weeks cancer wake mine requires months you guys are getting cured well that a bullet could cure all of them freaking evil what can you blame me it's nice and warm what kind of monster would use a cat as a pizza topping ferb ended up with this baddie because he didn't talk like smack be like ferb um but she was 16 and he was about 10. yes this is slightly a female pedestrian filer getting up to all kinds of filing in in a pedestrian setting guys i just got in this uber and um ah two rides one car look at all those flags and god they trust in cursions they thrust amen sneak 100 if a girl changes in front of you she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned or she hasn't seen you in the tree yet i can confirm that teacher what is the saltiest place on earth dead sea then why did you write twitter um um freaking more toxic than chernobyl or something at least chernobyl eventually killed its victims i mean really is that better planning to make a reverse only fans where i send people my pp till they pay me twenty dollars a month to stop sometimes my genius is it's almost frightening presenting only victims 20 year old female virgin medical science student be honest and brutal please oh slash roast me here we go 2031 30 female virgin 2042 41 female almost not a virgin 2053 52 never nevermind i'm still a virgin 2063. 62. am i a virgin i don't know that he said life freaks us all 2064. dead 2065. finally lost my v card sad russian drinks vodka cold russian drinks vodka injured russian drinks vodka put a russian baby to sleep give him vodka vodka in russia i am healthcare drunken russian drinks more vodka dead russian becomes vodka i guess it's not murder if it's recycling the longer you stay single the more they freak your future wife oh my god that is a very a very twisted mindset not if she isn't born yet stay woke kings i have spent the last six months building these wings maybe help prove to my parents that they weren't a waste of money time for a test run apparently ethiopian baboons are starting to domesticate wolves which is giving scientists new insights about what it might have been like when early humans did that that's cool pretty cool not quite as cool as we thought scream scientists has babooned riding wolves come pouring out of the forest the segment of the video that does that today's work is by a little mole 3 some art they've been working on for a little while and it's their proudest work so judge them judge them to the end of the earth this is the best they can do so if it's not up to your satisfaction then you shall ridicule them forever ah dang it it's really good oh man false alarm guys pitchforks down it's actually really really nice ah man i feel like i just worked the whole mob up for nothing cause it's really neat it's really good so you see how do you art people make things glow without the glowing actually being there thanks little mole for surpassing our expectations geez and if you'd like to see your fan art in a future video as always be sure to post them in the mk subreddit remember it's not about being the best art out there it's just showing your appreciation and us appreciating your appreciation so share the love so we can share the love back now for now it is the end of this video i hope you had some fun today if you did like this video and if you're listening to my voice well come on you clearly enjoyed your time so you should like the video otherwise check out some more content on the channel say hi to robert and lexi for me too and with that said i shall let you be my name has been jack you have been a lovely person to ramble at and i'll see you next time bye

Channel: EmKay

Views: 615,399

Rating: 4.9630008 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, Cursedcomments

Id: 0o2ItwzbMes

Length: 18min 46sec (1126 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 23 2021