r/Choosingbeggars "Accepting Girlfriend Applications!" Funny Reddit Posts

welcome to our slash choosing beggars we're an entitled mommy a soapie to sign over all of her property to her precious babies our next post is from shy girl turned sassy my stepsister in law is the kind of person who couldn't fathom why any woman would not want to become a mother she's always been really critical of my choice to be child free she always made some catty comments about how I'll never know true happiness however when I saw her a few days ago at my dad's birthday party she seemed to have done a complete 180 she told me again and again how she's supportive of my life choices and shouldn't have kids if I don't want them I didn't know what to make of this I just said something like oh okay thanks but my gut told me there was more to her sudden acceptance since she was letting on the phone call I received from her yesterday proved my gut instinct right she started off with the usual how are you we need to get together soon bs then she began to not so subtly inquire about my finances what sort of savings do I have how much I make every year etc I of course got irritated and asked her what she meant and to come to the freaking point she giggled and replied well since you won't be having kids of your own why don't you make my children your heirs I didn't know whether to laugh like a maniacal villain or just get pissed I decided to let her go on as you know your brother and I are planning to have at least four kids they already have one so when they're born you can leave egle portions of your estate to all of them uh-huh you and that boyfriend of yours say you don't even want to get married so it's not like you have to leave anything for him right really yeah so I thought instead of your life savings going to waste they can just go to your family after I'm dead yes do you plan to make it look like suicide or not Siddhant uh what since you planned all this you must have made some plans to off me rights go on tell me what it is is it something super creative and unusual my sister-in-law angry and the way that douchebags get angry when you call them out on their BS how could you think that I only suggest that this so you wouldn't have the burden of worrying about what would happen to your money when you're on your deathbed aren't you a sweetheart I'll spare you the burden of worrying about me worrying about my money by leaving everything I had to charities that I support she started blabbering again but before she could form a full sentence I hung up I also called my dad to let him know about this this morning I received a call from my step-brother and he apologized profusely for what his wife had said I told him if she ever pulled anything like this again it will be the last time I speak to them so if I didn't have any kid if I didn't have any kids or a wife I would definitely leave all of my money to my pupper Yuko I actually have an interesting story about this my mom had a co-worker who had a really high-paying successful job making like over a hundred K a year he was a really nice guy but he didn't have a wife or any kids I think actually he was a widower or something so anyways he had all this money but no one to spend it on but he did have a dog so he hired contractors to build a custom dog house that was like the size of a shed and honest to god I am not making this up the dog house had a chandelier in it because why not what dog doesn't deserve a chandelier our next pose is from Novato prime hey hello may I know who I'm talking to I'm responding to your ad for the free hamster cage that's me so when can you pick it up pick up what do you mean I mean coming to pick it up I'm not doing that you said it was ye-yes the cage is free but shipping isn't that's be as piece of doodoo in word our next post is from kick cancers butt Congrats on that by the way hey I got your number from your ad on Facebook I need two of my horses clipped full they also need to be bathed and I need one show touch-up and bath for my other horse so glad you found my ad and want my services I always appreciate new business where are you located I can give you a price once I know how far I'll need to travel we are in Blanc so that's a four-hour drive one way for travel to full body clips three baths and one touch up the price is going to be two hundred and seventy five to three hundred and twenty-five depending on the size of your horses needing the full body clips I'll pay you one hundred and fifty dollars for all of it I can't afford that much so I work a lot with people on prices because I understand financial situations and how tight money can be I can charge you the lower end of the range for the clips and give you a discount but the lowest I can charge you is two hundred and fifty that is effing obnoxious I'm not paying that much for you to come shave some hair off my babies they deserve the best but you are robbing people I'm so sorry it's truly the lowest I can go I'm in college and my clipping business is the majority of my income my ratings are consistent and it is a great price that I offer I use my own blades clippers gas and time to pamper your animals and make them look their best I apologize for the inconvenience and taking up your time I hope you find someone to clip your horses that fits in your budget and does a halfway decent job at that price best of luck to you Fe you I tried to be reasonable with you but you should be ashamed I am going to tell everyone I know what a scam you're running and posed to review about how horrible you are Oh God not a bad review okay I'll do it for free if you don't leave me a bad review and you don't tell people I'm a scammer I don't want my secret out I can only do this Saturday and I expect the best service my address is blank hello okay and according to legend the choosing beggar is still waiting for Opie to this day our next post is from big booty builder hi what exactly do you mean I don't know maybe you could draw an awesome logo you're totally free I don't do commissions for free oh no no it's not like that it's an a hunter for you to be allowed to draw for me I'm sorry but I have never heard of your brand our next post is from little light in the dark hi I decided I'm ready for it girlfriend requirements must live at my house full-time must always look sexy must always be home no going out house must always be cleaned food must be hot and ready the exact moment I am home and then amazingly two days later this guy makes another post and somehow it gets worse it's been more than two days I'm done I've got zero applications how hard is it all I asked was to meet simple requirements how hard is that whatever you [ __ ] you're all fugly anyway however if you want to apply and haven't gotten around to it yet that's okay but I've added more to my requirements must be a cute Asian or similar looking I would prefer if you had big eyes or look similar to Madoka if you don't know who that is don't bother I feel like the bottom of this post should also say must also be willing to ignore the screams for help coming from my locked basement our next post is from Woodridge I don't know what is with all these choosing beggars today but this is my response to anybody who complains about the Astro gaming discount link not being discounted low 5% off that's literally not even enough to cover tax thank you so much for the gracious discount Astro I just contacted the Astro web team we identified your unique cookie and raised the price by 25% just for you everyone else still gets the 5% off but it only applies the last step of checkout I am a strongly in favor of a 25% tax on all choosing beggars and Karen's our next pose is from Jim McDowell I'm a rideshare driver so my Jeep has the required logos I pull into a gas station and a guy seeing them walks up to me hey nice ride Thanks what is it a 16 renegade he notes the tags you drive I'm actually off right now can you give me a ride I've been waiting forever I'm sorry I'm not working I'm on my way to come on just go online it doesn't work like that besides I have plans fine he goes to open my back door what the heck look I'm just going to blink it's no big deal that's way out of my way come on man huh are you carrying cash no why that's a $20 ride I can't go on the app but if you got the cash I'm not paying you I have a promotion for a free ride then you'll have to wait for your ride screw you you racist blink this is the exact same thing as coming up to a professional chef on the street and being like hey I've got a coupon for a free burger from McDonald's so cook me dinner our next story is from little authoress some backstory I dated this guy for a long time and he was a nice guy cheesy beggar an entitled person all wrapped in one I have tons of stories but this made me laugh I was the only one who worked and he sat at home eating maca's and playing games drinking being lazy he destroyed my bank account daily and threatened to kill himself or my family if I told him I wanted to leave him anyway one day I received this phone call after work hey I need you to ask your parents for something me skeptical like what I just want them to give me a loan my parents are very wealthy but despise my boyfriend because of how much he takes for me no sorry I really doubt they'll give you a loan I already owe them so much for keeping my car on the road I can't really I only need $15,000 me silent for a heartbeat and said oh so carefully they're not going to give you $15,000 what would you even need that poor I'm gonna buy a car fifteen thousand dollars you can buy a decent one for five thousand I'm still not asking mom and dad to give you $15,000 I myself would never ask but I want a decent car new one if I can and besides I can pay them back when my house sells his mom's house isn't even on the market and he thinks it's gonna sell next week and he's gonna pay mom and dad real quickly houses take a long time to sell it'll take years no it won't yes it will I've done this four times living with my family and even so mom and dad aren't going to give you $15,000 my boyfriend explodes that's because they effing hate me I think to myself oh here we go they're horrible having people and I should burn their house down and make them have nothing death threats from him are common they don't have to give you anything that's because they effing hate me they always have selfish freakin minors yeah I know I know look I gotta go I hang up and call mom and she explodes into laughter dad does too we had another good laugh when boyfriend asks me to pay for skydiving lessons so he can start up a skydiving school but at this point of time I'm just happy he's blocked on all social media after this happened he didn't talk about it much but showed me stupidly expensive cars I paid no mind I was too busy thinking of ways to escape his abuse and if you're curious Opie added an update where she explained that she really struggled with standing up for herself but thankfully she eventually dropped this loser when she found out that he had been cheating on her that guy's a real keeper our next post is from say to zero this happened my freshman year of high school and I started to develop a taste for the clothing brand supreme my family is not well-off but I would save up over birthdays and doing yard work to get this clothing as it was what I liked and it kept me out of trouble at the time I was dating this girl who called me one morning and it went something like this hey I don't have a coat can you bring me a hoodie this was dead winter in Maine and she was wearing just a t-shirt so I respond with yeah and grab a hoodie I had near me which happened to be a white Nike hoodie and hid off to school I get to school hoodie in hand and go to give it to her and she just looks at me and says what is this I respond to her it's a hoodie you asked for then I kid you not she starts crying and through sobs I could make out for some context my parents are divorced and I have it set up so that there's two hoodies at each house at least at all times so I didn't have a supreme one as I only own four hoodies three supreme and one Nike I ended up telling her hey stop crying I only had this one available she then gets up and pushes me throwing me the hoodie and shoving me out of the way which was weird as she was a little girl and I'm a big absolute unit of fat later that day she texted me asking for the supreme hoodie and I'm already mad so I just tell her straight up no you had your chance because I was angry she then starts insulting me calling me autistic I have a mild form of autism I won't go into I just lack empathy look up Asperger's if you want to know more she says you're only doing this because you're autistic and that really pissed me off so I ended the relationship right then and there finally this girl hits me up at the end of the day saying she's sorry and she missed me at this point I'm done and tell her to f off as she knew about my disability and use it against me I also had some other reasons to break up with her but I won't go into the personal stuff I'm gonna be straight with you Opie sounds like you dodged a major bullet on that one that was our slash choosing beggars and this is our slash puppy bloopers with a bonus video of you go at the end since you've planned all this since you've planned all this since you've planned all this you go since you've planned all this you go cutie-patootie since you planned all this since you since you've planned all this since you planned all this you must have since you point since you planned all of this since you planned all of this you you go you go you're so cute you're so cute you're so cute um since you planned all of this excuse me since you since you planned all of this you go you go you go boy oh you go boy you're so cute you're so cute you want some cuddles you want some cuddles yes you do you're the boy you go boy you're so cute you're so cute you're so cute oh you got me oh you got me I have boots No please

Channel: rSlash

Views: 1,674,885

Rating: 4.9167438 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, choosingbeggars, beggar, r/choosingbeggars, choosing beggar, choosing

Id: Warimye9-Zc

Length: 17min 47sec (1067 seconds)

Published: Mon May 06 2019