r/Choosingbeggars Date Me OR ELSE!

welcome to our slice choosing beggars where a guy gets arrested for not giving away his computer for free - it's using beggar I am accepting applications for a baby daddy 2.0 I need a daughter before everyone starts stealing the name I've had picked out for years the stipulations are as follows our first date has to be on a Tuesday because I want the restaurant to be fairly empty and also because I just really like Tuesday's you have to pick me up from my house and come to the door like a freakin gentlemen bring Johnny Walker not flowers okay flowers - red roses STD tests must be completed upon hire I want an authentic Italian restaurant if you didn't know that a bottle of wine at dinner is a given with the above rule now you do I will spontaneously come up with some crazy after-dinner adventure because that's what always happens so just go with it I don't know why I'm like this either then back to my place for the creation of the world's cutest little girl promptly preceding the deed don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split ya aka leave ak8 our first date is our last you will then cease to exist unless I fall madly in love with you which is highly unlikely there's one very obvious reason why this lady isn't just using a sperm bank because if you go with a sperm donor you can't immediately hit up that guy with child support for the next 18 years on this next post Opie makes and sells hand crocheted dolls $25 is too much I want to give it to my dog how sweet I'm sorry I still can't go any lower are you kidding 25 is way too much for a dog toy it's not a dog toy and it's handmade I can get any dog toy for a few bucks you're insane go get some then you're an effing sure you're gonna do this to a rescue dog and how you're yelling at a customer I'm gonna post about you oh well don't worry lady I'm also gonna post about you and I have a sneaking suspicion that I have slightly more reach than you do seeking someone to pay pal eighty dollars and 55 cents can someone help me get this toddler bed for my daughter she doesn't like her pack and play anymore and refuses to sleep in it edit I refuse to get a used one and I refuse to go to Goodwill or any of those second-hand stores look I love how this woman is too snobby to go to a secondhand store but not too snobby to beg online for money are you still selling that snowboard yes sir two hundred and eighty bucks plus shipping it comes with bindings and a brand new crane kit I only have $85 it's for my son this Christmas can you make me a deal uh which kid are you getting this for the oldest kid in your profile couldn't be older than 11 he's actually 13 and he's been really interested in snowboarding for the past two years now Angry emoji I can pay you 85 dollars if you can ship it well excuse me for assuming regardless he is far too small for the board 167 centimeters the board is probably as tall as him that's why I advertise it as a board for a large adult the board was bought to my specifications I'm six foot four and a hundred kilograms he can grow into it he's got big genes please I need this deal I can barely afford ranch and I need to bring something good home for Christmas if you sell it to me for $85 I'll shout you out okay so I hope your boy grows big and strong but this board is not the board for him I have the lingering feeling you're just trying to buy my board at a ridiculously cheap price so you can turn around and flip it dude you can't even write it all I have is 85 I doubt anyone else wants to buy your sucky board we both know that a quick Google search has my borden bindings retail at a minimum of 700 bucks I was trying to cut you a deal with 280 because you bought things from me before how you just being kind of a bottle so unless you have 500 bucks plus shipping don't try and buy a dang thing from me again oh did I hurt your feelings noodle bones I'll give you a hundred and fifty dollars take it or leave it I'll leave it dude don't be an effing dick it's not like you're going to ride it again you're right I'm being a dick so will you sell it to me for a hundred and fifty no I'm being a dick and the board cost five hundred bucks then Opie post an update the dude tries again disguised as some random Instagram girls account hey I saw you had that 167 dollar board for sale is it still available do you think I could get it before Christmas hello the board still for sale I can do for twenty five plus shipping if you're interested do you think we can work out a deal I really want to get it for my boyfriend but I just don't have that much what's your budget looking like I'm sure we can work something out can I pay you $50 now and then $100 when I get my next paycheck uh what about the other $300 what do you mean I'm selling the board for 425 plus shipping you just said you could pay me 50 now and then 100 later that still leaves roughly three hundred dollars unpaid can we just call it good like a Christmas discount I mean I already kind of AM well I can't pay you 425 then I can't sell you my snowboard maybe you should check out one of the other ones on my profile some of them are a lot cheaper and I'd be more willing to cut you a deal I don't know which ones are even worth buying well I have an old Burton board that's the same size and I'd be willing to ship it to you if you can cover shipping like for free yeah you just have to pay shipping can you send a picture one sec idk it's in good condition could use some wax but otherwise it's good all you have to do is cover shipping and I'll get it to you I haven't ridden the thing in years it just looks cheap and I don't really think he'll want to go down the mountain with it so you want a free snowboard I don't know why you can't just give me the other one for a hundred and fifty Oh Lord the other one costs for twenty-five plus shipping so why'd you tell me I had to pay five hundred dollars in our last conversation Jesus effing Christ you've got to be effing kidding me I'm not selling my board to the Disney voodoo Prince $200 no dude you're seriously effing up my Christmas plans believe me they were at when you decided to Bank Christmas I'm being able to flip a stranger snowboard you think you're so effing tough where you're from cut fresh off a mother but and getting homesick how about you of course you would be effing bundle of sticks there's no need for that language brother can wait until a real bear tears you up okay calm down dwight schrutes I would effing knock you out so quick let's assume you could reach past my chest f off I mean you did text me and I'll be texting the effing cops too got a call they don't do texts I can always give you the number if you forgot it go suck the aids out of some dudes rod I meant a man but actually something about it just can't be compared have fun in hell bundle of sticks oh I'm sure you'll be around too and then after this finds the post on reddit he comes back with yet another account give me your reddit accounts excuse me you owe me compensation you illegally recorded our conversation and posted it uh I don't think you understand how this works well I don't think you know how this works give me your account or there will be legal repercussions it's defamation I thought you were just a measly businessman but now you surprise me with your superior legal knowledge so answer me this how is it defamation if I blurred any identifying information because you posted our private conversation to attack my character do you even understand how the law works I mean there were a couple of classes on it at the police academy of course you're an effing narc not much else an effing bundle of sticks jarhead is good for well this is an interesting deviation from thank you for your service boot licker did you really just come back again and try and insult me I came back because you owe me compensation you over 15,000 likes on your post and I deserve any of the propping you made off them listen lad those aren't any effing lowly likes they're freaking reddit up dudes and internet points don't turn into money well you got all those updates from me and I deserve your account because you defamed my identity nobody knows your identity there is no identifying information on the post and my accounts are anonymous your accounts won't be anonymous for long if you don't compensate me are you effing kidding me how about I compensate you by breaking my other leg up your butts I told you that you are ruining my Christmas so I'll be sure to ruin yours think you're so effing tough but you're too scared to tell any of your basement-dwelling internet buddies your real name and you're too much of an effing idiot to realize buying a car might jeopardize your financial stability so you take your misfortune out on others can you even find your dick lardy I got a dick that make a horse tremble and I like putting it in skinny white boys like you always on some effing gay stuff come around my parts and you'd get your effing jaw broken I could hold you down and put my balls in your mouth and I don't think you could do anything about it I don't even know why I Fe you me either it's great fun for me and reddit though so please continue if you win all your bundle of stig buddies I bet I could effing Rock all of them if they ever left their mom's basement you should have died in the epping sand Pig whoa that was a little extreme bud it's getting late we can pick this back up in the a.m. sleep easy mate all right everyone I am risking my YouTube channel to bring this content to you we have a bonafide internet tough guy who isn't afraid to sue for defamation so he's probably coming after this exact YouTube channel be sure to show your support by liking this video because I'm gonna need to buy a lawyer with all those likes most people that know me would say I'm loyal funny well-read respectful of women current goal I'm looking to find a woman to spend the rest of my life with no fatties no super tall no feminists must be blonde or brunette which are both misspelled by the way can't have kids can't smoke can't do drugs must be intelligent must hold a convo good vocab and can't want some six foot eleven Chad with a foot long dick and a six-pack my golden rule treat women with respect selling Minecraft and Forza horizon 3 for 40 bucks darn you can come pick up cash and you send pickup code huh can I have code for free lmao it's almost Christmas so please don't be a dick to people trying to sell stuff online man nobody cares it as close to Christmas I'm not a charity ask your parent to transfer me money or pay full price at the store bud selling 2012 MacBook Pro for 310 bucks can you sell it for $90 my kid wants a Mac but I can't afford it please I'm very poor $300 is overpriced for a mac from 20 years ago this computer is seven years old and it sells for around 300 to 400 dollars on eBay my price is around the average I'm sorry that you can't afford to buy my computer but you'll have to find a different listing wow you are the butthole you made my daughter cry I hope you're happy you ruined Christmas okay bye-bye just buy item and you say sorry for making my daughter cry whoa no shut up a top thank you for the free reddit post and thank you for the free youtube views hey there I heard you published in produce board games yes we do what were you looking for I have an idea for a board game that I think would be a huge hit can I send you some hand drawn images we're probably not a Fed we mostly do our own designs in-house but I know some excellent designers who can help you why can't they just send them to you and you make them it's just not our business model we design manufacture and sell our own IP I can recommend plenty of designers and even a factory to help you get your project done well they charge me most designers are professionals we have to make a living - what if I give them a percentage of my profit this is going to be really big honestly I'm really busy let me know if you want those contacts why can't you just to help me I'm trying to give you some guidance but I can't do what you're asking for good luck I've been working on this for five years well if you only have some handwritten notes after five years you need more than a little help what the flip does that mean I'm a single mother living with my parents I just don't have the time or money that you do OMG why did you wait so long to tell me that of course I'll help send yourself to my email fo at my breeding choices require your services calm you're a POS butthole I hope you need something from somebody one day honestly that's not even the first time I've heard this today I better board game idea is like choosing beggar monopoly where whenever you land on a hotel all you have to do is say but I am a single mother and you don't the pay any rent seeking babysitter a hundred and fifty dollars in search of babysitter for our three daughters in our home must be available from 7:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Monday through Friday and not allergic or afraid of animals will watch and care for our four-year-old full time and our vibin ten-year-old after school until 5:00 p.m. you must have a car and a valid driver's license to pick up our daughter from basketball practice and to and from occasional doctor appointments a hundred and fifty dollars a week then down in the comments someone says is this a joke and then someone else replies it has to be it's three dollars an hour plus gas money to get there every single time I see one of these threads talking about a super super cheap babysitter job the top comment is always the exact same and this time is no different the only people who would take this job are the people you don't want taking this job so my mom's job gives her a phone for free to use for work purposes and recently she's got a new one from her job so she could afford to give away or sell her existing one which was an eye phone six my uncle who knew this asked her if she had a phone to give away to him since he needed a new phone and couldn't afford one my mom offered to give him the iPhone 6 and I kid you not he actually turns his nose up at it and goes like only an iPhone 6 I wanted an iPhone 10 I don't want it anymore like okay sure we can't even afford an iPhone X on our own and you expect an iPhone X from us in your dreams maybe what an idiot instead of getting an iPhone 6 he gets an iPhone 0 on this next post opie posted a job ad looking for a housekeeper I have six years of housekeeping experience I am in need of a job and I have lots of experience with it as well I am a mother of four then oppa census woman $40 high blank I've already hired someone but I'll keep you in mind this is a gift from me to you this holiday season heart cherish those kiddos and even though times look tough you'll find a way through Happy Thanksgiving is there any way you could do me forty five this lady got free money for nothing and was like yeah I'm gonna need more from you news article this CEO gives his employees $2,000 to go on vacation and says they're more productive than ever and then down in the comments first you have to care about your employees $2,000 vacation only Thailand might fit in that budgets really you're complaining about a free mm to put towards a vacation way to miss the whole points hello missing it completely and happily so the comments on this reddit thread are literally hundreds upon hundreds of posts of all the dream vacations people would take with two thousand three dollars so this person is out of there flippin mind what person gets two thousand dollars and is like huh only two thousand apathetic my friend Ted was in line in the supermarket behind choosing beggar waiting for his turn choosing beggar has a full large cart with imported items we aren't in the US and her total comes to a little over two hundred dollars so she goes into her wallet and is shocked she didn't have enough cash on her the logical thing would be to either cancel the transaction or get only what you can afford then proceed to do the walk of shame the choosing beggar looks over at Ted and goes in English this is really embarrassing but could you help me out we can discuss me paying you back when you finish checking out now Ted recognize choosing beggar as an old classmates ex-wife she was known to be very mentally unstable and though he would like to help but he refuses choosing beggar goes on a rant how he was so selfish not to help a lady in need and then he should be ashamed and threw in a you have no idea who I am - which Ted replies I know exactly who you are choosing beggar tell me what lunatic fills their card up at a supermarket without knowing how much money is in their wallet and has the gall to ask a stranger to pay for their $200 tab choosing beggar continues to make a fuss to the point she's dragged out of the supermarket and even as security do I still get to keep my gross - recently her already scanned and then indigo Pizza adds his comment below when I worked retail at a local grocery joint this one old lady came up to my tail and after I rang all our items through which totaled well over a hundred dollars she asked me to buy them for her I told her I couldn't do that and she said and I quote why do you bother being alive if you're not going to be nice like Wow I tell you what old lady I'll get your groceries if you get my rent I do freelance IT work for people and that often times requires building a computer I get a message from someone at the time I thought was a friend asking me to build a computer for him I help him pick out parts it came out to a couple thousand I told him he could pay up front or he could pay an installment to get the computer when he was done we have a verbal contract that he was going to pay up so I put the machine on a credit card knowing he'd pay I'd pay off the card and I'd pocket the extra charge for labor and time a week later it's set up and he's refusing to pay saying that since I'm not a legit business because I don't have a brick-and-mortar location I'm not a real business so he doesn't have to pay I tell him it's waiting for him to pay if not I'd sell it to someone else a couple hours late police cars show up and they intend to arrest me for stolen property I explained the situation sat them down and showed them my chat logs with the customer while I offered them coffee apparently he was cited for misuse of 911 departing out the system to recoup the costs then someone asks how did it go down when the cops first got their details Opie replies I answered the door and the cops put me in cuffs saying I was under arrest for stolen property they went to confiscate the machine and I pushed the issue and said the evidence was on my phone I let them go through my phone we sat down they uncuffed me and I made some coffee for them while they sifted through my stuff they could see me from the room they were in they apologized for the misunderstanding and left man it's crazy how close that choosing Beggar's plan came to actually working so this guy called up the cops and was like hey that guy's got my computer and the cops are like yeah okay that checks out that was our sloshed using beggars and if you like this content be sure to LIKE this video because it really helps my channel grow and gives it a boost in the algorithm

Channel: rSlash

Views: 2,756,166

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, choosingbeggars, beggar, r/choosingbeggars, choosing beggar, choosing

Id: -0IZFfQnkpA

Length: 20min 52sec (1252 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 17 2019