r/Choosingbeggars "LET ME SLEEP WITH YOUR KIDS!"

welcome to our slash using beggars we're a beggar demands that Opie hand over their inheritance our first post is from chunky monkey - here blank on the 20th of October 2017 you applied for a senior developer position involving the following technologies Python 3 flask MySQL and Erlang during the interview it became immediately obvious that you were unfamiliar with Erlang even at a junior developer level let alone an experienced engineer of distributed systems as your application claimed as a result blank is requesting the time consumed by your interview be remitted in full please see below for the costs incurred you wasted two hours of the head developers time which is worth a hundred and ten dollars as well as two hours of the head of HR which is worth $100 and finally two hours of the owners time which is worth $200 in total you owe us four hundred and ten dollars please pay the above cost to the following account before the 20th of November 2017 if the amount due is not repaid by the date specified the issue will be taken to be cat as a matter of principle rather than cost thank you on that note I am a youtuber with nine hundred thousand subscribers which makes me super duper important and my time is very valuable so if you've ever posted a comment on one of my videos you are wasting my time I expect each and every one of you to PayPal me ten dollars by the end of the week for each comment you've made on my channel if you don't I'm gonna have to take this up with YouTube as a matter of principle rather than cost our next post is from hexam's XE my coworker had a baby girl last week and to celebrate he took us all out to lunch my other co-worker ordered an extra steak and two slices of cheesecake to take out when some of us asked her why she said it was because it was free she even knew Blanc was paying what I don't understand is how this choosing bigger can possibly think that she's gonna get away with it if I were the first coworker in this story I would have just not paid for the steak and cheesecake because seriously screw that lady our next post is from Sean ad sorry I can't pick up the phone right now I'm in a lecture you called a few times is everything okay now that we spoke for a bit I was gonna ask for a favor oh yeah that's fine if I can do anything you know I will what's up I know that granddad left everything to you I want some bits oh of course that's really sweet yeah that's absolutely fine there's some legal bits at the minute so I can't really take anything out of the house until it's all sorted but I'm sure I can get away with finding some sentimental stuff I was actually wondering if you wanted some of our old toys for your boys he kept everything in the Attic there's also a good few thousand photographs up there and I'm planning to go through them and scan them all make a USB copy for all the families so everyone has them and then make albums out of them so that people have their own originals - no my sons don't want toys that are old and used and I have my own photos I was actually thinking about the washing machine as - five years old and his is only a couple months old and also the fridge freezer because they are both black and go with my kitchen also I was wondering if I could have some money to get a new bathroom okay I'll see if someone else's kids will want the toys it'll be a shame to see them never used it's a shame about the photographs as they got right back to 1940 unfortunately due to the legal stuff I can't really move any of the large goods at the minute I'm not sure if you've been told the money situation but I don't have anything at the minute I've been thinking about it and I'm planning on buying 5k and premium bonds for all the great grandkids once the house was sold whatever's left over I was going to use to help with my degree but I'm sure we can come up with a plan to get your bathroom sorted if we need to how can you not move stuff when my dad and uncle Blake have gotten [Music] I'll have one of the TV's then but I want one that's at least 50 inches my two boys don't need premium bonds to sit there give me the money for both of them and I'll make sure they spend it properly I can't believe you would waste money like that you don't need help with your degree you have a student loan what do you mean sorted look blank I can't move anything big because of your dad and blanks actions and the new will it's legally complicated and I'm not about to take actions to jeopardize myself the idea of the Premium Bonds was exactly so it does sit there and when they're old enough they can access it and spend it how they once I don't see it as a waste you know grandad loved family more than anything and I think he'd be proud to see the younger ones with a head start in life yes I have a student loan it doesn't mean I get to live comfortably are with ease by any means my degree is hard and if I can concentrate more on my studies with less financial strain I believe that to be a good thing well if it's in a state of disrepair and you need one I'll help I'm not in a position to right now but I will be and we can agree to some kind of loan if that's what you would like how can it be complicated when he gave everything to you just drop it at my house I can't believe how selfish you're being it was your choice to go to university so you should have known you'd be poor you can't be high in my tea just because you're gonna be a doctor in 100 years time how dare you say my house is in a state of disrepair you're in a state of disrepair you should be a better cousin you're a terrible selfish person dad was right you manipulated granddad into giving you anything you wanted and caused him to get dementia I don't know how I still believed you would be a good person after all this it's funny how people behave when there's inheritance involved isn't it I thought you were better than this but you're just showing your true colors yes choosing beggar I agree it is funny to see how people behave when there's inheritance involved our next post is from mine pattern right I'm getting on to blink today and changing my number don't message me again your call yep it is don't change your now TV password until game of thrones' finish please then feel free I changed it yesterday the audacity F right off you grunt oh yeah man you won't be able to get hold of me now see ya are you serious you're blocking me out of your life let's still want to use my now TV subscription hey buddy fu but before you do please give me some free stuff our next post is from hair in a suit yesterday as tradition I made a huge Mother's Day BBQ dinner for my wife my mother and my mother-in-law turned out amazing my wife posted all kinds of pictures on Facebook and Instagram last night while my wife was at work my brother-in-law called her and asked for something to eat now I need to explain about my brother-in-law he's the most irresponsible piece of garbage I've ever met he drives a sixty thousand dollar sports car yet he's homeless he doesn't have enough money to eat yet he always has a pack of cigarettes and a bag of weed he's the only one to blame for his problems both my mother-in-law and my father-in-law recognized this that's why he is no longer welcome in either of their homes but my wife will always have a soft spot for her baby brother my wife called me after she talked to her brother and told me to fix him a plate when he came by he wreaked of weed and had a fat joint rolled up behind his ear he was complaining that he had nothing to eat for the last two days lucky for him I had a whole pot of spaghetti in my refrigerator that needed to be eaten before it went to waste I told him to eat his fill and then he could take the leftovers with him he didn't want the spaghetti he wanted the leftover barbecue which I was not to give him when he started complaining I gave him a reality check I reminded him that he was 22 years old and it is not my responsibility to feed a grown man I reminded him how when I first married his sister I was making less money than him and was supporting a family I told him how my family was never homeless and never missed a meal honestly yes I did give him a hard time but I would have told my own brothers the same thing if they were in this situation he left without eating anything and he called crying to my wife I had to hear all about it this morning and now I'm in the doghouse our next post is from Professor repent this is an online dating profile that someone matched to on OkCupid what I'm actually looking for daily showers daily teeth brushing less than three intimate relations no tattoos no nose rings no neck chokers no short short hair no neon colored hair no fatties no smokers no druggies no missing teeth no row STIs no Cougars no divorcees no long-distance relationships no healthcare workers no physiotherapists no single moms no gold diggers no heavy makeup greater than one millimeter thick no plastic surgery no LGBT no degenerates never sent nudes by phone or internet no STDs no BDSM no polygamy or open relationships no one-night stand or random sex no pole dancers or sugar babies no call girls or escorts no scrubs no yoga no meditation no social media addicts no Canadians no travel holux no vegans no Harry Potter no communists no male friends no Disney seriously time to grow up no rap music no overly religious no dancing no Game of Thrones go watch a history documentary instead of this fictional rubbish I like to imagine that somewhere out in the world there is an absolutely gorgeous 10 out of 10 millionaire supermodel who is crying into a pillow because she meets all of these requirements she's a Canadian so therefore she can't date this absolute catch of a guy our next post is from Woollett ko7 I never thought I'd post here even though I have a number of entitle family members but this couple was on another level non relatives who lack common decency really irked me more than entitled family members as with family members at least they can be mistaken into thinking you owe them something due to blood relations before you correct them so here goes I live on the west coast of my country and to get to the east you can buy a plane ticket or embark on an almost nine-hour train journey to get to the other side usually I opt for the night train as it allows us to get some sleep so I booked the ticket for me and my family I packed what we needed and then some extras of some items as traveling with children means you have to pack an extra pair of clothing and extra sundries etc we couldn't fit all of us into the two sleeping cabins as there weren't enough cabins on the train when I booked and we decided my husband had to sit in a chair with the other passengers for the entire journey he was fine with it his coach was only one away from ours with the dining kiosk in between before settling in we had a light meal as a family in the dining coach there were a few people there some just passing through to buy snacks and some hanging around a little longer there was another family with us their boyfriend/girlfriend and their two-year-old child we got talking and the father moaned it would be hard to travel with a child while the mother asked me for some nappies which I gladly gave her then a moment later she realized she had forgotten some snacks so I gave her the sliced apple and carrots that I had extra she also got to see some of the stuff I had packed for the journey as I was looking for the nappies and the snack for her we usually buy a one-time-use box of earplugs for the children as the once the train provide aren't always um new and it's better than giving the children the better quality and more expensive ones my husband told the father he could have a pair of ours as there would be an extra pair after everyone had received theirs he declined and asked if he could have my husband's which were more expensive noise-canceling and moulded earplugs as the trained ones were probably dirty and my youngest kid had played with the box and he didn't want to touch it naturally my husband said no he turned to me and asked if he could have mine as I was sleeping in a cabin and didn't have to listen to his toddler crying I said they could have the one you spare but not the expensive ones take it or leave it and I start to leave this is when the mother turns to me and asked if she could have yes have nots borrow my youngest child's blanket as they are more or less the same age the Train provides thin fleece blankets and a blow-up pillow type of thing I gritted my teeth and said no we settled in the cabin and fell asleep three hours into the journey I hear knocking on the cabin door alarmed that maybe something happened to my husband I opened and I see the mother standing outside she asked if she could had those earplugs the expensive ones as her son had more or less non-stop cried and fussed and her boyfriend couldn't take it anymore I said no and told her I was pissed that she woke me up for something that was her problem and she could easily have avoided it if she had packed in advance she got angry and said wait till I tell him about this five minutes later there was knocking again at my door it was the boyfriend quite rudely hard to translate with the exact translation into English he told me that I had two options give him the earplugs or give up my room so his son could sleep with our kids as he was used to sleeping in a bed and their seats obviously weren't a bed I shut the door in his face a few minutes later there was more knocking I opened and both of them stood there there was some screeching on her part which alerted the conductor and ticket checker and other passengers I sent a text to my husband to get here quickly the conductor calmed the couple down and explained he could give them another pack of the fleece blanket for their kid and that they just had to make do with what they paid for the seats when my husband arrived the father went from angry to calm and he asked again if he could sleep in the cabin with our children while I took his seat or that we give up my bait for his son so that both him and his son could get some sleep his girlfriend tried to sell this idea to me by saying I would be close to my husband's because apparently we are a high school couple and need to be next to one another at all times for life to go on we declined to both their offers the conductor gently tried to nudge them away from there and even then she turned around and said then just give me your blanket so that my son can at least sleep in a good blankets the conductor thankfully got them back to their seats after threatening to throw them off at the next stop there were no more disturbances for the rest of the journey that whole thing about how you have two options what about option number three telling the conductor that you an adult grown man are trying to sleep with two minors that was our / choosing beggars and since my subscribers have also been choosing beggars by demanding that I make a podcast I have to oblige I've started converting my videos into podcasts which are available on Spotify Google Play and other platforms you can find the link to my podcast down in the description of this video making these podcasts on top of my videos does take up a lot of time so if you like my content and want to support me please consider hitting the join button right next to the subscribe button on my youtube channel or making a monthly contribution on my anchor fm profile

Channel: rSlash

Views: 2,055,998

Rating: 4.9288106 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, choosingbeggars, beggar, r/choosingbeggars, choosing beggar, choosing

Id: KRfCBudqqxc

Length: 17min 0sec (1020 seconds)

Published: Mon May 20 2019