People Who CHEATED On Their PARTNER Get a SECOND Chance (r/AskReddit)

our slashes credit redditors who gave you a rest pointer a second chance after they cheated why did you forgive them and have you learned to fully trust them again how is your relationship now was in ur eight-year relationship with my wife we had been married for two years when she came back from a therapy session shaking and admitted to having a one-night stand with a cow cow we spent a whole year in marriage counseling but at some point she decided she wasn't going to try anymore she kept staying out later and later with this guy and at some point they started sleeping with each other I didn't know this for a while and figured we should just give each other space so I moved into an apartment for a month completely miserable when I returned he seemed to have a skip in her step about it all I pretty much decided that we should take a break which to her men she got to sleep with this guy more often so I ended up moving back and with my parents at the age of 26 for a short while still fully believing that we could somehow repair the relationship a month after I had left she calls me and says she's pregnant with the guy's kid I was fuming and as a sign of how far gone she was she didn't understand and thought I'd be happy for her I'm not a forced and haven't spoken to her since last October oddly our interactions right before the kid being born were fairly cordial I even stopped by her house to drop off food while I was in town for the divorce proceedings it's very surreal to look back at now it's also bizarre to think that this person who knew me very intimately and saw vulnerabilities in me that not even my parents knew about is now just logged in my brain as an acquaintance at best she was my girlfriend for four years my wife for another four and yet she is now the same status of people I think about as my freshman roommate edit as for current relationships I find myself very defensive and resistant towards long term relationships even if it's going well I think okay but at some point this will all end she will betray you or grow tired of you and you'll have to go through this all again I'm currently in a five-month long relationship and I'm really tired of people asking if I'm thinking about marrying her I forgave her she didn't even remotely try to make up for it not even walk on eggshells about the subject like she would mention the guy to me over and over again as if I was supposed to console her over the fact that he just wanted sex from her I broke up with her for good when she did it again never again she's still miserable like four years later what a way to throw a 10-year relationship down the drain edit didn't think this would blow up thanks to all of the responses I want to take this time to offer the best advice that has ever been given to me learn from other people's mistakes it has made life so much easier for me I never saw this coming and always had amazing relationships until this one went south I shall trusted my gut from the get-go and left when I knew I wasn't being treated fairly honestly you shouldn't be with someone unless that they making the same amount of effort or at least make you feel appreciated for what you do for them learn from me and don't get walked on you will be much better off and proud of yourself for putting your foot down being trapped in a lease with someone makes you think differently when you don't have that hard evidence but deep down you know what's going on physically didn't have the money to break up with her if that makes sense after the lease ended and we moved into separate places I gave us a few more months but we ended it in April probably a good thing because her and her new bfj celebrated their one-year in October these types of threads have popped up a lot recently and I always seem to comment this story on them I didn't realize how much it's actually helped me to get it off my chest there is so much wrong with this whole thing that I could probably write a book about how hard it was being trapped in a lease with someone you loved and all of the coincidences I had to deal with while questioning my sanity wondering if I'm just overreact thanks for listening dudes he's no longer my sow but I feel like I need to share this for others to hear he cheated on me with my best friend at the time I ended the friendship rather than the relationship because I thought his honesty in coming forward to admit his wrongdoing was noble and deserved another chance he unfortunately took my forgiveness as oh I can get away with it and get off scot-free after I forgave him he continued to fuck said friend on the side made out with my other close friend hit on several of my other friends and then ultimately asked me over the phone for a Hall Pass so he could sleep with his Kalka I had been with him for about a quarter of my life at the time and was so invested or comfortable in the relationship that it was very very difficult for me to break it off despite his infidelities and overall shittiness I finally grew a pair and told him to fuck off and haven't spoken to him since after breaking it off I had several great relationships both casual and serious other and a lot about myself and what I liked / disliked and accept / don't in a relationship and I learned that sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both parties I'm now engaged to a wonderful man who actually gives a fuck about me moral of the story it may not be true in all cases but be aware that some people take forgiveness as getting off the hook for shit and will continue to abuse your kindness and understanding to run around on you and please be aware of whether you are in a relationship because you it is actually fulfilling or because you're just comfortable we married in 96 the first affair happened in 0-3 with his coworker he came clean on his own one morning after we'd had six and he'd been with her the night before it destroyed me our two kids were both under 10 at the time so I decided to try to work it out and move forward I felt like a crazy person and I didn't like suspicious me at all before I had known about it I had wanted another job and he had adamantly refused when he came clean he suggested we have another child I told him he was out of his mind anyway fast forward a couple of difficult years and things have smoothed out he has a new co-worker Larry who he talks about a lot when he gets home from work one day he sits in his truck in the driveway on the phone when he finally comes in the house he says he was talking to Larry about work issues when he was in the shower I got Larry's work hash from his firm and called the number the next day the outgoing voicemail message is a woman who says hey you've reached Laurie I didn't call him on it for a few days I eventually spoke with Laurie who says nothing was going on again I chose to stay a short time later I know I have become a hardened person but I'm dealing with it I'm raising kids working life is just busy one night I can't sleep his work phone goes off while I'm in the kitchen and it's the woman he first cheated on me with I see she left a voicemail so I listen to it she loves and misses in blahblahblah I am shaking I'm so angry and the phone goes to the next message it's Laurie and Sheila's and misses him too I think that's when I turned off all feeling not just for him but for anything except my kids I woke him up and confronted him he tells me he hasn't talked to either one in a long time and can't control who calls and leaves him messages our marriage continues but he knows I'm done it even the hint of another woman 2008 Christmas night 2:00 a.m. I wake up to my ringing phone it's the husband of a friend of ours he is our friend too our kids play ball together they have three kids close in age to us and our two oldest are very close anyway he asks me has my husband talked to me I'm not awake and I don't understand turns out his wife and my husband are having an affair and it's been going on for about eight months that was the end for me my divorce was final in 2011 it took a long time to get any peace of mind back and the hardest part was dealing with I had allowed myself to stay in that situation so long besides the infidelity there were other issues of emotional and some physical abuse I had not known what a narcissist was until long after I left now I prefer to be single I dated a few times but at the first hint of a red flag from someone I'm out my ex and I speak at times about the kids but they are grown now so the ex and I have very little contact I am finally in a good place and intend to stay there for anyone dealing with this kind of thing my advice to to listen to your gut don't ignore things that really bother you and don't let the awfulness of divorce allow you to get down on their level looking back I'm glad I didn't all so karma comes around very fast a few months after we separated the ex's new girlfriend got popped for 14 felonies I laughed till I heard I just got out of a 5.5 year relationship married 44.5 he cheated multiple times and I always caught him he never came clean on his own I always forgave him because he wasn't an asshole outside of the cheating he had a rough childhood and I'm a very compassionate person we have two kids together and he's a great father but he just couldn't stop lying and cheating I've become a shell of the person I once was without even realizing it I don't recognize myself it's been eight weeks since the separation and I'm still struggling to navigate through my new life feels like I'm missing a limb but at the same time I feel so free I hope he can get the help he needs edit Wow thank you for all your comments and messages there's been some incredibly helpful tips and advice I woke up feeling flat after I commented on this thread so all your kind words have helped me start the day well to all those who can relate to my story and are going through something similar I'm so sorry I'm sending lots of love and strength out to all of us I should have ran after the first time she cheated we dated for four years during college in our last year started staying out late to study at the library she was not one to study so I went to the library one night and of course she wasn't there she also wasn't answering her phone when I confronted her she admitted she was seeing some guy in her class and wanted to move in with him we broke up for six months and eventually we got back together after she got bored of the other guy she swore she'd never do it to me again we dated for another year and then got married a year into the marriage she did the same crap she started staying late at work she also started getting increasingly bitchy after she came home late one night I asked her if she was seeing someone and she confessed she was seeing some guy at her job we got a divorce luckily she got nothing in the divorce and we didn't have a kid I'm still sad I wasted so many of my best years with her it also sucks having to say you're divorced just because he also couldn't keep the legs shut I wish I had listened to my instincts more I let her rush me into getting married I told her I thought we should wait another year since it was close to the cheating incident she said she was tired of just being my girlfriend looking back I think she thought marriage would tame her it was quite embarrassing too we had a big wedding her choice although thankfully her family paid for most of it I suspect she lied to them about our divorce she probably told them I cheated or I chose to divorce her so she could save face he cheated again multiple times I found out the first time about a year into our relationship told him that if it ever happened again or if he even had the urge to cheat again to discuss it with me and we would work through it I just don't like being lied to especially when I had to find out in a really ugly way through our social circle he agreed and things improved for a little bit just before our two-year anniversary I ended up finding out through a mutual acquaintance that he had been consistently unfaithful with many people in our circle I didn't bother to ask how many and that most people knew and turned a blind eye in fact women in our social network knew he was weak and could sleep with him if they wanted to and would do so whether he had a girlfriend or not needless to say it ended and I dropped out of that entire scene of people altogether couldn't stand being around so-called friends who would protect his behavior or feeling like the fool who has being pitied for having an unfaithful partner and being the only one who didn't know most people think it was the cheating but fundamentally it was the lying I would be hurt yes but I'd much rather let someone go and be free to do whatever they want than waste my time I had lots of trust issues and self-esteem issues I had to work through as a result of that that I have a wonderful supportive and loyal partner now who helped me work through the baggage and empower myself to grow from it we are broken up now for unrelated reasons but I've forgiven a partner for cheating I had gotten a new job and had considerably more disposable income while her and I did more elaborate and expensive things together I also would often stay out later with friends and co-workers after work I was spending more time hanging out with friends online play video games and bullshitting with those same people because I had all the new consoles and a good computer I bought things without asking so she never knew what to try and surprise me with since anytime I wanted something I could just get it I also bought her things this way I would hear her express interest in something so I'd order it within a week whenever we went out I always paid because I liked treating her and that's the way I was brought up we would still spend time together often at home had great 6:00 slept at night together ate nice meals etc but she was feeling like an accessory to my life instead of being a partner in a shared experience which was pretty true instead of being a partner who I confided in supported and shared myself with I was using things to bring her happiness instead of action she felt like she was like a Sims character where purchases were provided on demand just to keep her happiness level up to a certain point we used to spend every night talking for an hour about our day bringing up reassuring and overcoming stresses and concerns and discussing our path towards the future we saw for ourselves she would make special lunches for me I would do laundry for her she would rub my shoulders I would rub her feet she'd sometimes pay for dinner I'd sometimes try new recipes for dinner but we stopped sharing as much at night not entirely of course but instead of laying together for an hour also just meandering the meaningful conversation it would be closer to a half-hour of more targeted questions to each other to get out that information I bought lunches for myself now because I could instead of being intimate with giving each other massages we went to professionals I always paid for meals and instead of me cooking in things we'd order in or go out and try new things eventually she just felt like she didn't have the same person with her I was like a fluffed up version of myself with a she'll around me that kept her at a slight distance so she started seeking that connection elsewhere it was with her co-worker as it often does it started with them just talking at work more and then grabbing a drink then texting more then hanging out and eventually sex I found out and I blew a gasket naturally talked about how I would get her this she we would get to go here and I paid for this we ate like royalty etc I took a few days off of work and after about three to four days of nearly non-stop talking fighting breaking to eat sleep and sometimes have six everything was finally out on the table I saw and understood everything I explained to you all up there caret and why it was not something either of us wanted I apologized and made a real commitment to be more like the man she loved instead of the man I thought she wanted to love I scaled back my responsibilities at work to make a little less money I sold a few of my new possessions and just kept a better schedule on her side she accepted her cheating as an awful thing to do she also apologized and made a commitment to being more vocal about what she wanted from the relationship and how she could help herself from being deprived of it yes it hurt for a while but she was hurting for probably longer if a little less sudden and severe we stayed together for another 14 months after that and it was truly a great relationship the reason we separated for good was because she got an opportunity to teach in a place where they desperately needed it and improve the lives of thousands of children it was based on the East Coast with her flying to various places for months at a time and I didn't want to go to the East Coast and be without her for months at a time she told me she would stay but I knew her well enough to know that even before I met her that this was something she'd wanted for about 15 years before meeting me I told her to go and that was that edit since some individuals have expressed feelings that I made a mistake and all she manipulated me somehow I explained more in those comments that I believe they are wrong but I thought I would add the relevant parts of those comments onto the main post for others to see I'll also add a couple more details to each to try and better explain the chain of events after what happened happened we both we're ready to call it quits and go our separate ways I had already found a new place she was going to move to her brother's home the day I found out I didn't come home and then again not the next day stayed with my friends first day I came back or communicated with her at all was the third day after I came home to walk my dog and sleep in my own bed she was staying late at work that day doing a lesson plan with her colleagues I told her that I was home and not to come home tonight she stayed at her brothers and then in the morning I told her if she wanted to talk to call in a sub for her and we would talk I was still furious at this point of course it isn't like I was just cool about it and believe me it wasn't a hidden fact either she told me that she took off work and that after lunch with her brother and still she would be over when she got there at in the afternoon we spent basically the entire first day yelling at each other she took my anger at the cheating itself for a while because she knew she was wrong but eventually she fired back because I moved in two before it happened so we argued until the evening and we were both exhausted I made dinner and we ate in silence I went to bed after she took the couch but when we woke up the next day we both realized we had said nothing really productive it was pure emotion and pain so we tried to set aside our negative emotions anger sadness frustration et Cie and figure out what went wrong not so that we could salvage our relationship but so that it wouldn't happen to someone else we loved so I asked her to tell me why why would she do this after everything I had done for her and so she explained to me what she was feeling why she feeling it how long it was going on so I was able to understand the things I mentioned in the original comment and then I did the same that I was unaware it was progressing like that why wouldn't she tell me that she was feeling these things wasn't what I did good I had thought it was the right thing to do to give her everything I thought a woman could want she basically blew my mind by pointing out the same two things I bolded in that last paragraph that the things I gave her and did for her were what I thought she wanted not what she wanted and then the next thing she said immediately cooled my heart's fury that was boiling but being suppressed for the sake of trying to understand Carl yes my real name you were already everything I wanted I didn't want anything else from you and I simply understood I had become someone different that I was before different from the person she loved with all her heart I never needed to support her asterisk fi na NCI al why or asterisk thr ough possessions we both were successful in our chosen fields money was not a big problem even before my position change she didn't want all of those things I bought all gave her obviously she appreciated them but it never was something that she had to have to be happy with a partner support conversation intimacy time excitement vulnerability those were things that she wanted from me and every single one does not cost a penny she loved me for who I was not what I could buy and who I was changed and then of course we went through how her actions had hurt me wasn't quite as involved but there were a limit of the pain I felt that she didn't expect I don't need to get into those but don't condescend either of us for our choices we both believe we made the right decision I didn't apologize to her because she cheated on me and got it somehow turned around me I apologized because I made her feel invalidated within the relationship and that she as a person was not worth as much to me that not only did I not value her as an equal partner but also as someone who was part of my life as a formality that I saw her as something I could improve or decorate with nice clothes or new jewelry she wasn't a partner she was my mana Quinn to show off how well I was doing she didn't make me do it I wasn't tricked into it we both did something very wrong that hurt the other person hers was sudden and hit like a truck and mine was over time like a cancer both of those things could have killed us don't condescend me because I realized like an adult that maybe I was at fault as well realized it and committed to being a better version of myself than I was before just as she did I gave him a year ago it was a drunkest in a faraway country he called me immediately told me everything and stepped on a plane home an hour later the next day we talked talked and talked and eventually seeing his regret I decided to forgive him obviously it hurt our relationship I couldn't trust him anymore way I did but in some crazy way it also made us stronger it made us see what we almost lost and showed the value of our relationship today we are stronger than ever but obviously still working through what happened I'm glad I forgave him and that I therefore gave him a chance to make everything right which he did we all make mistakes it matters how we deal with them edit I thought I needed to clarify since everyone keeps asking why we are still working through it he made out for a few minutes with a pretty good friend of mine while on that trip this fucked me up pretty bad because I have been cheated on several times before by other people therefore forgiving him was a huge step for me it still affects me when he goes to certain parties where they are both invited or when he wants to go on a trip with the same group I feel uncomfortable in such situations and we talk about that and work through it so no I don't bring it up in arguments I forgave him that I still feel that unrealistic anxiety in my stomach thank you so much for watching the whole video please either like and subscribe

Channel: Slime King

Views: 45,137

Rating: 4.8599033 out of 5

Keywords: high school, reddit stories, reddit

Id: sNbtdwEFmGk

Length: 25min 39sec (1539 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 27 2019