Why You Look Ugly In Photos. Rodney Laney - Full Special

and you wait a whole week to see that you took a picture of your thumb you take a picture of anything I saw somebody taking a picture of a [ __ ] leave that nice picture let me get a picture you can take as many as you want right we move back in a day when cameras have film you might never remember but Google a thing called film made you highly selective with your picture taken right only memorable stuff cuz you knew you had 24 shots the sky could be on fire that's not memorable enough I got one shot left and to put in work effort you had to drop your pitches off and wait like a week you a dream about the pictures oh I can't wait to see my pictures are they gonna be so nice you were calling second um excuse me my pictures ready so we ready on Tuesdays with my pictures that man need to see how I look and you wait a whole week to see that you took a picture of your thumb [Music] [Applause] I mean they gave us the negatives right - anybody ever use a negatives negative the most you did with a negative just hope to the son of Mike it's my summer right why people look at it negative see who they look like if the name was black [Applause] [Laughter] then they came out with one our photo booth at one hour photo it was like I can get my pictures in an hour that's just crazy talk [Music] can you look Madison might take your picture like come back and out of it what kind of phone you got [Music] you got a 1g phone ain't no iPhone sh fun I love it man just think I farted invented his [ __ ] we could fit in your pocket right maybe your grandparents camera it was huge you're like an accordion that camera was so dangerous it had a cape on it [Applause] cameras used to have like eight hey buddy you stand over there let me take shelter it was someone's job to be the flash but he just stood away [Music] put his life on the line for that picture right who's holding us take a dynamite we have me the last guy disposition they go mushroom clap boom they got they pictures like three years later who dominate picture and he got these buttholes out that with the selfie stick even let me get a picture of myself cuz I ain't got no friends cuz I'm always taking pictures of myself with the back of my hair little oh yeah [Applause] the grandparents never knew with the back of their head don't get me wrong I like pitches not alike though I like candid shots because at least they have artistic value but they are dangerous to take to suppose you take a candid shot of a woman Susie hello click click let me see that picture let me see that [Music] Oh No you gotta lead that [ __ ] I got a double [ __ ] in that history well you got a double chin in real life you know the other bit you need surgery that's you guys start doing somebody I don't even know if this work this work that's a waste of time right anyone have any work done [Music] we got real quiet yeah you guys want to change the subject no one wants to admit it like we don't know okay walk in a room with a brand-new pair of lips like you've always had these you liar like you got stung in the face and I'm not a fan of work I've been aging gracefully that's sexy to me right age gracefully cuz I don't think you should be 65 with a brand-new forehead do 65 you ain't got no lines in your forehead you never thought about anything you never pondered nothin [Applause] like ioans trust you I never made a real decision of your life just gotta eat right workout that's all you can do right eat white workout that's it you better work out all right eight people in the front row I got a workout man I got a workout because my career when you take off as fast as I hope and I want to be there when it does now I want to be all dead and successful now how I mapped it out now like it you know what I do I tricked myself into going to the gym in order to do right I go to the gym I find that but love to his woman on the treadmill oh I get on a treadmill behind her and pretend like I'm chasing her see speed up a speeder keeps me healthy and brings out my inner creepiness now these guys get rid of that creepiness just working great till I find out somebody's on the treadmill behind me and he was like loader my man you gotta earn his baby Look Now much for meals against the wall it's got to stay healthy right Syd travel right I'm saying that's how do you might travel I'm a travel a lot started doing cruises cuz that's where my career is headed I like it Dover I like it get me out of those cold new jersey winners that's important right like it always send me down a Florida plantation for they might have heard of Plantation Florida yeah I hadn't and let me tell you something I was nervous [Applause] the whole time I was in Plantation Florida cuz like y'all gonna let me leave here I want no problems with my departure it's not weird getting a cab home out take me to plantation hurry up I'm late I went from plantation to the boat talk about how things have changed [Music] what Obama was talking about oh man let's travel a lot man I was actually in Honduras on election day yeah man I'm gonna tell you I was upset I was like you know what ain't going back and I realize I was in Honduras I was like I ain't staying here Dean you can never get this bad I swim back to America of a hat sir [Music] and then you got a problem with America just leave for a couple days you'll be back [Applause] with a whole new attitude okay who in the White House we got hot water it was funny man two days later I was in Cozumel Mexico right yeah and the Wi-Fi was out on the entire island and the Mexicans was like Trump ain't playin around he said a wall they've made a firewall some got lost in the translation I just feel like we got a love-hate relationship with the presidency right that's it doesn't matter who were in the office right yeah we had Bush then we had Obama then we got Trump and when that pendulum swings back and Flavor Flav takes office guys great man as I mentioned a couple of times I'm from Jersey [Applause] no surprise there he's asked me if I'm really from Jersey like I would make that up I feel about Jersey sometimes a lot of people knows about New Jersey right my New Jersey the last northern state to abolish slavery yeah let's get rid of this Jersey was like hold on let's not rush into anything they say it's three parts of Jersey right the northern part it's basically a suburb of New York and the southern part is basically a suburb of Philadelphia and the central part is basically a suburb Mississippi no offense to Mississippi now you know what the most of know anything my baby Jersey sometime is like everywhere you go you got to pay a toll man right hey so that I put in my GPS no tolls my GPS is like you gonna have to walk [Laughter] GPS gave me directions to the bus station that's phony way get around them toes man they keep going up it's $15 the George Washington Bridge $15 I take a Lincoln Tunnel Washington and Lincoln got me looking for Underground Railroad [Applause] you looking at the new Harriet something right come on follow me to easy passage keep you out in the North Star oh man it's just certain things right certain things about Jersey I'm from Paterson New Jersey I've heard of that Paterson two people got a small thugged-out city it's so small right we used to get robbed by people we knew [Laughter] people jump out stick them up I'm like Andre Jorma tell your mother man by the way how is on Carole I see no hardly half a mil with somebody who just robbed you could you pass the brick she passing my wallet back myself you all the time right the city has been fighting a long times nothing new like the founding father Paterson was Alexander Hamilton right what happened to him he got shot that's what happens doesn't bode well for a city when the founding father gets shot all right all these cities that meant by anyone know where he got shot by Aaron Burr who was from Newark and the famous duel between Alexander Hamilton there but like how gangster is dead when you get shot in a duel when you make an appointment to shoot somebody that's gangster right like I'm a shoot you in your face what you doing next Tuesday around 10:15 is that a good thing to get shot in the face since I got a Thursday when I can shoot you in the face on Thursday for Saturday after brunch [Music] think about that they will line up back-to-back take ten paces turn and blasts like how nerve-wracking is this because you have to trust a person that's dare to kill you can't you gotta trust it and gonna take those ten steps right if you've never cheated this will be the time to do it like you're going on Timmy but I'm going on five [Music] yeah I had us in New Jersey man with the public school there and everything anybody else go to public school in Paterson things were never that bad [Music] co-op but it was a little different than our right yeah budget is like eight nine granted student our budget was like 85 cents a student that's like two quarters in a dime [Music] [Applause] look this how bad the budget was remember you forget your books and you could tell him he read the book before you behind me names in the book I'm looking at my math book going Booker T Washington Frederick public school made you tough though right I don't know these kids will last win with the school write getting bullied in cyberspace I don't even know how that works you gotta have computers that know how anyway text bullying I still know understanding how does that work it's like [Music] at some point in the future what am I gonna do delete it [Applause] found some can you see the boy welcome on the kid hey yo you get my text [Music] [Laughter] no I sent it this morning you still got the same number well let me get you new no you're gonna do this again tomorrow [Music] he had real bullies right they was in your face because there was a policy in effect when I went to school called leave every kid behind I had a 3000 in my fourth-grade class he was getting everybody at the school I'm gonna get you where this man imma get you at school he told the principal i'ma get you back as soon as I pick up my kids [Laughter] and I went to public school 28 which is right next to public school for I think they do who numbered the schools went to public school but school for was like for the project kids and school 20 was for kids day had a chance one day I was in the hallway when one of the kids from school for escaped he was like coming to bathroom and I was like no she goes death and that's like a good idea to me right no great story ever starts off with when I was invited into the bathroom there was peace and fireworks clearly the best decision ever made in my life neither go in that bathroom take another great decision I think I made was going to the military after I graduated right [Applause] don't flat don't flap is my only option out the hood would you give it to these guys any bets in here and your bets in here raise your hand [Applause] I went to the Air Force yeah we talked about culture shock was it Patterson to the lily-white Air Force look I was the only black guy in my entire flight so this is nothing new to me [Applause] I feel right at home here actually whatever white dudes from like Montana and Wyoming who had never physically saw a black dude right they would just stare at me like my first time seeing a white dude never saw a black dude Jesus stared back he was in all of each other this was my time to represent right I made sure anyone sustained any of these stereotypes I made sure I eat me fried chicken I didn't drink kool-aid I had a job so that was covered but then we all had to shower together so three out of four not bad [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause]

Channel: Dry Bar Comedy

Views: 2,882,160

Keywords: Clean Comedy, Dry Bar Comedy, Stand Up Comedy, Worlds Largest Library of Clean Comedy, Rodney Laney, Rodney Laney Dry Bar Comedy, Rodney Laney Comedy, Rodney Laney Comedian, Dry Comedy Bar, Dry Comedy Stand Up, Clean Stand Up, Clean Stand Up Comedy, Clean Stand Up Comedy 2020, Clean Stand Up Comedy Clips, Clean Stand Up Comedy Routines, Clean Stand Up Comedy Full Show, Dry Bar Full Show, Photos, pictures, photography, one hour photo, gym, getting fit, dry bar comedian, dbc

Id: XD702yGQPCc

Length: 23min 42sec (1422 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 23 2020