My Fiancé is complaining to his ex that I'm too vanilla

[Music] my fiance dale and i have been together for five years we are as solid as i guess anyone thinks they are before something like this blindsides them i'm in total and complete shock i'm just sitting here shaking i can't even cry yet dale is at work right now i haven't texted him or called him or anything at this point when we got together he had just broken up with his college sweetheart she was his first love i was afraid i was rebound he said that wasn't true i believed him rest is history sorry as this is rushed and all over the place nothing makes sense in my head right now i used his laptop about two hours ago to open his contacts list he has saved on there so i could get addresses for our wedding invites been telling him to get those to me for over a week so i decided to do it he keeps his contacts info on his email when i opened his email i saw an email on the very top of his inbox with the subject linery jen not real name how can i win the subject line got cut off after that so i couldn't see more without clicking jen is the name of his ex from college i sat there for at least 10 minutes trying to decide if i should open it or not i decided he should have nothing to hide so i did it rest of the subject line was re jen how can i when you still exist the ml was her replying to a string of emails between the two of them that has gone on for over a week long story short dale is still in love with jen he thinks about her constantly he'll never find another woman like her even worse is that he makes fun of me and she laughs about it one ml she asks him why i don't make him happy and isn't he satisfied with me i can't remember word for word and i don't feel like reading it again but he said something like she tries she's just not good though way too vanilla i love her but the only way i can get off is when i think about fu and how wet you'd get i think every inch of my bed was soaked from your p i have the biggest h on just thinking about it and then she answered with a bunch of lollis and said she felt sorry for the poor girl another thing he said was that he made fun of me for having a large scar across my chest onto my left breast which has disfigured the nipple a bit he said it looked like something out of edward's sister hands that is almost too much to bear he might as well have punched me in the gut i was in an awful car accident when i was a teenager i had a big piece of dashboard shatter and basically fly into my chest i almost died i've never been ashamed of the scar it's like a constant reminder that i survived something a lot of people don't and i should be grateful to be alive the slight disfigurement of the nipple doesn't bother me either i've always had the attitude of if someone doesn't want me because of a nipple ethan but to hear him make fun of something he knows is a result of something so major in my life my friend was thrown from the back seat and lost her life is just i have no words the mls go on some are explicit one she described how she just am while thinking about how he used to go down on her for hours i'm assuming that these emails are just a small portion of their contact the first email in the thread was dale talking about how he doesn't think he can marry me and that he thinks about leaving me almost constantly he said if she lived in this state he'd already have left me it didn't sound like the first time they'd reconnected so i'm guessing if i snooped i'd find texts too i don't need to snoop further i've seen all i need to obviously i'm not going to stay despite what he said about me i'm pretty great and i know this he said he misses back door apparently i'm too vanilla to give it to him thing is i've tried to initiate that as i enjoy it and he told me he wasn't into that so he lied just to cast me in bad light i'm so mad i just want to throw his [ __ ] into a pile and light it on fire but i won't because i don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he hurt me i'm not sure why i posted here it's too fresh to talk to my friends and family should i just pack my stuff and leave with no explanation just ghost i've got too much dignity to scream and cry in front of him i don't know what to do i don't know if i want comfort or advice or what i just needed someone to know what happened so i don't feel so alone right now last night i texted dale and told him that my best friend jake had gotten into a fight with his boyfriend and i was going to go stay with him so he could vent and have somebody with him i told jake what happened and showed him the emails i took pictures of them on my phone in case i needed them for whatever reason jake and his boyfriend mike who he had obviously not gotten into a fight with and was there were infuriated and we all just sort of cried together for a while they stayed up with me almost all night helping me figure out my next moves we all agreed that taking the high road was the best route we made a list of all the things that were necessary to get out of the apartment mike is a property manager for a different apartment complex so this morning he called my property manager and gave her a very convinced detail-free version of what was happening i have always thought it important to get to know your property manager in case you ever have a situation where they can help you out so she always really liked me dale and i have been paying rent on a month-to-month basis for about three months because we were starting to look for houses to purchase after we settled down after the wedding my property manager told mike that working out getting my name off of the rental agreement wouldn't be a problem and to not worry about the 30-day notice that she typically requires for a tenant moving out as far as finances go i make about 70 of our combined income and ale only covers about 30 percent when jake mike and i were discussing the logistics of me moving out mike brought up the point that dale does not make enough to cover the required 3x rent an income each month meaning he will most likely be given notice to move out if he cannot find a room at fast we lived in a one bedroom so i doubt he'll be able to find someone quickly who is willing to sleep on a couch versus having their own bedroom especially since i purchased the couch so there isn't even one there anymore the thought of this brings me great pleasure as i'm sure you can imagine jake and i each called out of work today and we rented one of those mover pickup trucks we were pretty organized after making our list and it only took us a couple of trips to get my stuff out and into jake and mike's garage for the time being dale texted me a couple of times asking how jake is and if i'm coming home after work tonight i told him i'm already home not exactly a lie i was there at the time and then i said jake was going to be okay and that i just couldn't believe how awful people can be to the people they love dale agreed and said that he was glad he had such a good girl like me it was tempting to say something about how yeah i'm just so vanilla that way i didn't i just told him to always remember that how great i'm to him he said of course he would that felt pretty satisfying and i hope he does remember that every day for the rest of his life whoever it was that posted about the vanilla ice cream my dear jake mike and i laughed about that hysterically last night it was the first thing that made me laugh like that and maybe the only thing for a while so thank you for that i didn't end up ruining any of dale's stuff i didn't print out the emails and send them to his family friends i didn't do anything destructive or spiteful however after all my stuff was out jake and i made a trip to the grocery store i took that posters advice and i bought one of those big plastic tubs of vanilla ice cream i left it on the counter with a note in my engagement ring i wrote i know vanilla isn't your favorite flavor but this is the only vanilla you'll be eating from now on xo i mean i'm human i had to leave him with a little bit of a bang so here i am staying with mike and jake for a while finding an apartment will be no issue for me i'm comfortable financially on my own with a stable job i have to deal with the deposits i put down for the venues for both the wedding and the reception i can't right now i'm too much of a mess emotionally i will buy the weeks and though as i know i can't put it off any longer if there's any hope at all of getting refunded i had already booked our honeymoon but i did pay the extra for insurance if the trip needed to be cancelled i honestly don't really know what exactly the insurance covers i'll have to look into it whether or not i can get a refund for dale's ticket i will be going on my first trip out of the country on my own and i'm happy about this it's one bright thing to look forward to through this whole mess i will sell my wedding dress which was a low-cut dress by the way and showed my scar off as much as a wedding dress can i guess dale would have found that gross or maybe i'll burn it burning it sounds kind of fun because i've been holding back so much on not being destructive in a time where i would have found great albeit temporary pleasure in burning everything dale has ever owned burning my dress is something i can do privately that will still be satisfying i can scream and cry and throw rocks at it poor lighter fluid all over it watch it burn and then cook a s'more over it because i love s'mores so why not i'm walking away from dale with my head held high the best revenge is to walk away as dignified as possible and to not sink to his level i was close with his family but i'm not going to worry about what he tells them i'm positive it won't be the truth there is no way he's got the balls and decency to tell them what he did but i know what he did he knows what he did and all the people who truly love me and who i'm close with will know what he did that's all that really matters though it's nice to have those mls just in case dale tries to take things too far or something i'm going to be okay i'm having one of my empowered moments though i just spent the last hour in the bathtub sobbing like i said waves jake told me that dale isn't worthy of my quirky nipple and i agree when i got in my accident i was lucky that the shrapnel didn't pierce my heart i did however suffer from a pretty significant heart contusion basically a bruised heart among other injuries it was the most painful thing i've ever experienced so yeah this situation makes my heart hurt but my heart has been through much worse and kept on ticking along sorry if i rambled a lot posting this to you all is like a form of therapy and the more thoughts that pop up in my mind i just write them down for you all to read i haven't told my family and other friends yet i'll be tackling that soon i'm glad the invites hadn't already been sent at least i don't have to send out a cancellation notice i deleted dale off all social media and blocked his ml address i didn't block him off my phone yet because honestly i'm curious to his reaction i can promise you all that i will not respond at all not to a single text or call but i can't help but be interested to see how he reacts i will block him tomorrow though mike told me that the second his messages turn ugly or hateful because i'm not responding block him he doesn't want dale to hurt me any more than he already has he's right and i really do plan to block him regardless by tomorrow after seeing his initial reaction i guess that's all i have to update thank you all for caring about me i will continue moving forward and i will never stop wearing clothes that show my scar i've never hidden it before and i'm not going to let summer make me feel like i should from the bottom of my heart thank you all for your love you gave amazing comments and messages i will never forget the nice things you all have said to me seriously thank you ps i think i will dress up as edward sissohns for halloween edit so last night got pretty crazy it started with dale playing dumb and asking what was going on and what did he do like i promised all of you i didn't respond the d knew exactly what he'd done he just kept texting and kept texting one text that i found particularly infuriating was i can't think of anything i have done to deserve this whatever you think i've done isn't true i'm sure you just misunderstood and i can explain i mean damn you didn't have to be so dramatic and just leave me like this i love how he was already saying that i just misunderstood what i think he's done and that he can explain he's such a sh person that he wouldn't even just come out and admit to the emails and say he's sorry and then to call me dramatic the texts progressed into angry ones here is a string of texts from him word for word except that i corrected some grammar because his grammar is ridiculous each text was probably sent about two minutes apart sometimes less just so you understand the level of crazy here i will refer to myself as ellen these because he uses my name a lot and my real name starts with an elso seems appropriate i blocked him after this by the way baby you know how much i love you i'm at a loss right now i don't understand why won't you answer me i just tried calling elle please pick up we are getting married i thought you cared about me i guess i was wrong i guess you are cold-hearted l baby are you okay at least answer me so i know you are okay and not hurt or something seriously l seriously you're a bee i didn't mean that i'm just getting really worried and upset he took about a 20-minute break between that one and this monstrosity you know what i did mean that you're a ref b for doing this if you were unhappy you should have told me i can't believe you would do this to me i love you you are just like your father but even worse because at least your mom is a sea and so are you so who can blame him don't ever contact me again or come crawling back and good luck finding a guy who will love a ref circus freak b lol dumbos so that's when i blocked him i know nothing he said was true but still this wasn't just an email to his ex this was something he sent to me directly i cried a lot after that one it hit me pretty hard this is someone i was planning a future with just a couple of days ago he was so sweet as far as i knew obviously he used to kiss my hand almost every morning it's just such a shock it's hard to wrap my mind around it last night was a really tough night to get through for me i keep reading back what i wrote in this update last night and it helps to keep me feeling strong i keep reading all of your lovely comments and messages from the original post and it helps to keep me feeling loved and strong jake and mike are wonderful and i'm lucky to have them to hold my hand and help me through this though his texts hurt me they also reaffirmed that he's a spineless weasel and that i ten thousand 000 did the right thing by leaving he's making it really easy to get over him sorry this got so long i wanted to really include you all in what's happening thanks for checking in on me and caring about what happens to me love to you all little update wow you are all amazing wonderful people so much love and support i'm crying because of all your lovely sweet messages it's honestly so encouraging i had the intention of responding to some comments but the post is now locked so i just wanted to make sure to update this to say thank you i hope you all see this i had a lot of people pm me asking if there were any signs that dale was an [ __ ] so they know what kind of red flags to look out for honestly no i wish i could say yes to that so i could potentially prevent others from going through what i did or something similar he was very attentive and loving he never once made fun of my appearance to my face he seemed to appreciate my ambition and independence i never felt controlled or criticized for being a financially stable educated woman i had a therapist after i lost my friend in the accident my father had also walked out earlier that year so we were discussing this and how i hadn't seen it coming my therapist told me that people can make you see whatever they want you to see but that they can't keep up the facade forever things almost always come to a head eventually the only thing you can do is be secure enough with yourself to understand that the faults of others has nothing to do with you just make sure you surround yourself with enough good people that you can afford to lose one or two along the way [Music] so [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit wedding, reddit bachelorette, reddit fiance, reddit, r/askreddit, r/ girl, r/ wedding, r/ bachelorette, r/, askreddit girl, askreddit bachelorette, askreddit fiance, askreddit

Id: fcmtKS05jCw

Length: 18min 2sec (1082 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 27 2020