Husband lost attraction in me after our wedding

[Music] before i got into this i want to stress that i know something is definitely wrong with my relationship i just have no idea how to approach it or what to do at this point my husband and i started dating six years ago and we were married for the last three years we had a very active s life when we were first dating we'd have some weekends where we were basically living the bed three times a day about a year and a half into the relationship he asked to move in together and we got engaged shortly after once we were engaged barrett's life screeched to an immediate halt i kept bringing it up and he would say he thinks it's because we both moved from drafty houses to a high-end apartment that we'd be snuggled all the time for warmth which would lead to sexy times but i also noticed if i tried to sixth or make flirty comments he changed the subject pretty quickly i chalked things up to wedding nerves and we got married we had a three-week honeymoon in the caribbean where we did nothing but lounge around with each other pretty much even though i tried to initiate a few times we didn't have acid all on a honeymoon when we got back i threw on some sexual injury and tried to surprise him when he came home he burst out laughing at that point i flipped out and pointed out that something is obviously wrong and that this is too soon in a marriage for something like this to happen he said that the wedding was really stressful for him and he needed to unwind at this point one of my friends mentioned something seemed different about my husband none of them are in the loop as to everything going on after this continuing the same way i brought it up again he said that the truth is that he feels trapped in the apartment with me we both went from living in houses to living in a one bedroom together that seemed fair enough and we bought a house together this did not change our situation in terms of the bedroom but since we keep money separate i do not recommend i have student loans and houses are expensive i picked up a second job bartending three nights a week to make sure i wasn't stretching my money too thin then the excuse became you are never home he started getting angrier and angrier about me never being home even when i pointed out all the time i was actually at home i went out with my friends less frequently to make sure i was around and available but all that did was kill my social life and not boost our relationship then it started getting worse i would get home from my bartending shift and he'd start yelling at me it usually started with you are never home but was pretty erratic he'd switch subjects and things he was angry about switched pretty quickly but he would also say some really hurtful things such as i'm not attracted to you if you want to have s go duck someone else i kind of fell into marrying you it was the path we were already on and i felt like i couldn't do anything to stop it you have the personality of a five-year-old what adult tears up at a ducking puppy etc etc etc let me be clear i do not want to be with someone uninterested in being with me but whenever i'd bring it up the next day he'd act like i was exaggerating the fight and what he said and say of course those things aren't true and that he loved me very much if i told him i thought he didn't love me in the romantic way it usually brought him to tears and just a side note that i've been in shape since the start of our relationship and that hasn't changed i didn't know whether or not to believe him in my experience people tend to accidentally say what they really mean when angry so i took these things to heart and became really really sad i was randomly bursting into tears throughout the day but whenever i brought up how i felt he insisted i had to trust what he said about being interested in me attracted to me and wanting to be married to me i ended up seeing a counsellor for a bunch of sessions she helped me feel attractive again like i deserve to be treated well and that my expectations of someone i'm pretty recently married to aren't unreasonable at all which made me feel more empowered to take action i started recording him yelling at me i collected a few and then played them for him during the day he actually looked genuinely shocked he said it seemed like he was saying things just to hurt me and that he didn't mean anything he said but he also didn't remember saying any of them he said he was committed to fixing this for the future and he started counseling so then he took me out on a super date of sorts nothing really fancy but all the things i liked to do and it was a really fun exciting night all of a sudden at the bar he went from smiling too angry in the matter of seconds he snapped at me about something i insisted we go home and he spent the rest of the evening yelling at me the next day i said i thought we needed a divorce he begged me to try couples counseling instead i told him that whatever was happening was an issue he was having and that he needed to figure that out before i'd even be interested in counseling i drove over to the bar i work at for a few hours not working just needed to get out and told a person i don't know very well what was going on and she suggested that he has an adverse reaction to alcohol when i came back my husband presented the same theory about himself he said he thinks that he has a really adverse reaction to alcohol and shouldn't drink anymore i didn't really think he'd stop but he stopped cold turkey and hasn't started again since fast forward to now our s life hasn't changed at all and he's almost euphoric about not drinking alcohol anymore he's cheerful and he's very kind to me but nothing at all has changed about our rest life i brought up couples counseling again and he said he didn't think we need it because of how much better he's doing now that he isn't drinking anymore i don't want to ruin his recovery by pushing hard on the fact that things are still not good he insists he's attracted to me and loves me i don't know if i should trust him when he says that and i feel stupid for even thinking that maybe i should trust that he actually feels that way i do know he feels affectionate towards me generally but we really feel like rumors who are best friends and that's probably why i've put up with all of this because when it comes down to it we get along really really well i just don't know what my next steps should be or what i should even be feeling about this sometimes i think well if everything else is fine why is s so important but it really is to me plus i feel like he might be hiding all these feelings about me then again he seemed so genuinely shocked by hearing himself say all those mean things about me could there be something else going on with him edit i should actually emphasize it isn't justice if i go in for a kiss he pulls back so it's just a peck he tells me he doesn't really like kissing and doesn't understand the appeal i know my original post is so old but the biggest update only recently happened my therapist suggested i post about it here to help sort out how i feel right now and also as a warning to other people i feel like i have grown so much in the last few years and maybe i'm a bit less naive or a bit more better however you'd like to put it through interacting with the comments i came up with an ultimatum i would give my husband he needed to get his medical stuff tested he see someone psychologically couples counselling i decided ahead of time that he'd have to do the legwork for this already i had already done so much leg work for this relationship and i wanted to make sure i didn't hold his hand through this either he took it surprisingly well for what the conversation was there were tears on both sides but he agreed that yes he would be willing to do these things for the sake of the relationship and then days passed and a week passed i finally brought it up again and it caused a minor fight where he told me he needed to do this sort of stuff on his own time a few more weeks passed i realized that he did not care enough to do something about this it was a hard thing to realize but it was clear as day i headed over a friend's house to talk things out clear my head and come up with a plan for divorce i drove home and a few minutes before i arrived he got a phone call that his sister was in a coma and dying i booked him tickets to go see her she passed away a few hours after he saw her she left behind two late teenage girls who we were now partially responsible for so i pushed my pain down and decided to be the best aunt i can to these two girls i also got myself a dog best decision ever in this situation to keep my own spirits up i worked really hard at this and felt like my husband and i were getting closer in the process more recently i started realizing that everything we were doing for the girls was initiated through me not him so i started paying more attention he was getting annoyed at me making a big deal over surprise care packages their school suggested we send in and other things like that i was starting to resent that he wasn't caring for his nieces in the same way as i was on the youngest niece's graduation day i asked him if he thought the other parents there would be getting flowers for the graduates and if that's something we should do this is when he totally lost it at me it was a string that started with him yelling about how i get too concerned about these sorts of things and ended with a rant about how i buy too many crackers when company comes over for dinner this started changing the lens i was looking at him through again also at this point i felt like my nieces had launched into the world with lives of their own i started re-seeing the irons when i talked the cutting remarks about my intelligence oh and the utter lack of s so i started talking to people i started seeing a therapist and together we all came up with a plan to discuss everything with him probably ending in divorce though i never took that as a definite i decided we had a different view of what a relationship and marriage should be my plan was to present that to him calmly and let him give his opinion of how he sees things i had a work trip so i took the time to recoup i went on a long hike and even though i'm not really religious i prayed the whole damn time about this so when i got home in the calmest and most even way i could i explained the situation as i saw it and asked for his feedback my friends and i rehearsed what would happen if he cried and begged for a chance to change or what to do or rather where to go if he got really angry but nothing prepared me for his reaction he agreed with me he said that everything felt forced to him and that this wasn't a natural relationship that he married me because that was the path he was on and since he wasn't planning on having kids it's not like that mattered all that much in fact he prefers being alone generally he then finished by asking if i thought we should get couples counseling i calmly said that given what he just said i didn't think that was an option he immediately started trying to talk next steps who gets what etc he brought up that he could probably technically fight for alimony but that he wouldn't and said he wouldn't fight for my dog if i don't fight to go after his separate finances i think this was the most painful in the moment reaction i could have had from him i told him i would give him some space at night so i drove to my friend's house and cried my eyes out him not fighting it is ultimately better for the long run but it's really hard to realize that your husband of five years and partner for eight never really loved or cared for you i should have listened to my gut all along we had that talk last night i'm currently sitting in a coffee shop typing this all out i'm a relatively attractive person and i channeled my frustrations over the last few years into lifting and working out almost every day so i'm hopeful when it comes to love in the future i don't really know what my next step is i might drive to my brothers i might look for a storage facility it's a bit overwhelming to think about overall i'm so grateful this is happening now and that i won't be looking back at my life when i'm 85 years old disappointed that it never really started i have my life in front of me and it's a big scary place but after i finish crying my eyes out it's one step in front of the other and thank you everyone for all your help [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Reddit Girl

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit wedding, reddit sister, reddit entitled parents, reddit, r/askreddit, r/ girl, r/ wedding, r/ sister, r/ entitled parents, r/, askreddit girl, askreddit wedding, askreddit sister, askreddit entitled parents, askreddit, reddit money, reddit inheritance, reddit marriage, reddit children, r/ money, r/ inheritance, r/ marriage, r/ children

Id: mYDskkMMIyk

Length: 13min 32sec (812 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 28 2020