Stepmother makes fun of my boyfriend because I'm a doctor and he's a nurse

[Music] my parents had me really young and my mom split when i was three so it's only been me and my dad my dad is an only child and his dad died when he was in school and my grandmother passed when i was 10 my dad is truly one of the most incredible people ever he raised me more or less on his own and sacrificed so much for me to be where i am today i met my boyfriend my last year of residency he was a nurse in a different unit and we met in the cafeteria one thing led to another and here we are i'm a hospitalist in a different hospital now but he still works at the same place we moved in together about three months ago and i truly do see myself spending the rest of my life with this man anyway my dad didn't date at all when i was growing up really but when i was in college he met sandy a divorcee with no kids through a friend of his they started dating around 10 years ago and got married four years ago i've always gotten along with sandy i consider her a very close older friend i was simultaneously made of honor best man at their wedding and i think she's a wonderful partner for my dad my dad loves my boyfriend they often hang out without me which is totally cool and sign d did as well at first at least for the past six months or so she's made some really pejorative comments about my boyfriend being a nurse him being the woman in the relationship fwiw my boyfriend is six feet four muscled bearded he's basically the epitome of masculinity just because he's a nurse my boyfriend laughed off the comments at first and explained why he went into nursing rather than being a doctor nurses work more with patients than doctors do and he's a very nurturing person by nature but signed he has just not let up i really don't think my boyfriend is bothered by this but i definitely am i think it's disrespectful and her archaic views of men's women's work are not appreciated i can tell my dad gets p off about it too once he told sandy to just shut up in gentler terms when she kept joking about it she always defends herself as just joking but like it's not ducking funny i've talked to my dad about it and he agrees that it isn't cool but he just goes on about how she doesn't mean any harm or whatever my boyfriend is adamant that it doesn't bother him but still i just think it's so disrespectful how do i talk to sandy about this in a way so she'll stop because honestly if it continues i'm going to cut back on spending time seeing her even though it'll definitely hurt my dad which is something i don't want to do my first post blew up in a way i didn't expect it to but i wanted to thank you all for your advice you gave me a lot to think about so when it came time to talk to sandy i wouldn't trip over my words or anything i took her out to lunch yesterday sunday and just very matter of factly told her how i was tired of her disparaging my boyfriend how i was tired of her putting down nursing as a profession and dismissing it just as women's work and finally told her that despite her insistence that she was just joking i found her jokes offensive and was done with hearing them i made it very clear that my boyfriend hadn't sent me to defend him but that i was the one who was offended and tired of it she started to cry a little which was alarming and broke down and told me why she was doing what she was doing apparently long story short in her first marriage signed his income was more than double of that of her husband after a year or so of marriage he quit his job and ended up just mooching off of her he became incredibly emotionally abusive and ruined her financially until she was able to get out and leave him basically she was nervous that the same would happen to me and she hoped that her jokes would sway my opinion enough to leave my boyfriend i was kind of about her explanation but she told me that she knew the jokes were childish and offensive but she didn't know how else to go about it she said that i was the closest thing to a daughter she had and that she loves me very much and that she felt awful about everything i started getting t read this and i told her that the jokes especially hurt from her because she's someone i care deeply for and she apologized profusely for having offended slash hurting me she said she really thought my boyfriend was a nice guy and that she wanted to get to know him better which thrilled me i went home told my boyfriend who didn't know why i was gone i wanted to be covet about it and he was thrilled he told me that secretly he was upset about the jokes as he knew that sandy was someone i cared a lot for but put on a game face because he didn't want to drive a wedge in between us he told me he loved me and thanked me for standing up for him and said he's looking forward to getting to know sandy better too and my dad is over the moon as well alright so i married my husband 37 male about six months ago he had an 18 year old when he was 19 and was married to her mother for about 15 years they got divorced and we get his kids 15 female and eight male for two weeks and then their mother gets them for two weeks the 18 year old let's call her brittany lives with her 45 male boyfriend i've had a really great relationship with all three kids once brittany started dating her current boyfriend who is 45 the relationship between her and my husband really started going sour i don't support her decision but her and i remained close and i did my best not to isolate her after brittany and i started growing closer she started taking more and more advantage of me and my kindness her boyfriend doesn't make much money and she doesn't have a job her sister's birthday is tomorrow and a couple of weeks ago she mentioned a nice coat her sister wanted and asked me if i would just go look with her we didn't have any luck at our local mall so i spent some time finding an ice coat on amazon and asked brittany if her sister would like it she said yes and so i ordered it we don't get her sister on her actual birthday but we are celebrating it today one day early i had told brittany that the coat could be from the both of us since i found it and paid for it but she did tell me the style slash color her sister wanted then i get a text from brittany saying that no she wants to give it to her on her actual birthday and tell her mother she paid for it to prove that her and her boyfriend are successful i told her i wasn't comfortable with that and i'm sorry but it's a group gift from us and for us her birthday is today since she goes back to her mother's late tonight i asked her to share her feelings and she said she is really angry at me and thinks i'm being selfish i don't know how to respond to her my husband currently has pneumonia witches why i'm turning to reddit and not him since he is really sick right now i'm new to being a stepmom and i'm really trying here how do i respond to this update thank you so much for all of the advice i truly am so grateful for all of it well last night my husband stayed home while i took my 15-year step-daughter and her little brother to dinner at her favorite restaurant i invited brittany and she came with the boyfriend my step-daughter pulled me aside and asked if i invited him i said no and she told me she really doesn't like him and if in the future we can ask him to not come i told her i would have a conversation with her dad and her sister after dinner we all came back to mine and my husband's home it was pretty awkward and when she opened the coat brittany made sure to let her sister know that she picked it out and it was all her idea i mostly just ignored it and enjoyed the birthday party later that night i went to drop off the kids with their mom after the kids were inside their mom instantly said we need to have a conversation about brittany's behavior and i had a great conversation with their mother about everything since her behavior is affecting both households and the kids i talked to my husband and he is going to talk to brittany and we also talked about my role in her life and read him lots of the comments from all of you yes the boyfriend thing is terrible and my husband agrees that he is a predator i know some comments mentioned the divorce but overall the two daughters have expressed the marriage was bad their mother had a long affair and it was all just a mess i appreciate the comments talking about divorce and parenting but we have all attended classes me husband and ex-wife on co-parenting and we all try really hard to make these kids happy and have a healthy life i know it's a tough road to navigate but i really appreciate brutal honesty and advice right now i'm currently exhausted and trying to recover from being sick now for over four weeks due to various colds and flush my child had brought home from preschool i'm currently on antibiotics for an infection caused by being sick for so long and trying to tough it out i stay at home and take care of a newborn and our toddler who goes to pre-school 2x per week i currently work part-time from home and my husband and i split most things 50 over 50 mortgage groceries etc he makes about 2 3x as much as i do thus he covers the household bills electricity water sewer internet preschool costs etc i pay for all other child expenses clothes 90 of toys shoes etc i also buy all the household items laundry detergent body wash dish soap vitamins etc i live in foreign country with my husband his native home thus i've had to bust my ass learning the foreign language here and my job prospects in my field are limited due to the language barrier i do have lots of work experience though that doesn't matter unless you speak the local language hence why i stay home to offset baker costs by watching our young kids i'm trying to get my foreign language skills to a higher level so i can have a better paying job versus just working in food service janitorial services etc right now i just feel like our household contributions are not balanced i do all the weekly cooking all the cleaning all the laundry household organizing putting stuff away etc my husband takes the trash out and luckily mostly cleans up after himself in the kitchen though i do all the deep cleaning of the kitchen bathroom etc this is all especially hard when i'm very sick and my husband doesn't help pick up the slack our baby also refuses the bottle so i do 99 of all the feedings via breastfeeding i also actively research and read about parenting resources to help better raise our kids i just get frustrated when my husband doesn't help unless i ask him but then when i do ask i try to do this tactfully and kindly it's met with him acting like i'm nagging and it's clear he's annoyed so i'm always having to strategize when is a good time to ask him to do something and be very careful how i phrase it when i get free time at a time not tending to one of the small children i'm always looking around thinking okay what can i do to make the household better for everyone before i decide to plot myself down and do leisurely things or even do something for myself like shower my husband on the other hand uses every spare minute that he's not watching the kids to sit behind his computer if he's not on his computer he's on his phone on twitter or at it it's almost like a form of escapism even when he comes home from work and i haven't talked to any adult all day he's always distracted by his phone or computer i'm not trying to bash on my husband as he is a good person and a great dad to our kids i just don't know how to come up with a solution to these issues i try to show thanks and be clearly supportive and praising when he does help but when he and i are in a disagreement he still tells me you never think i do enough you don't appreciate what i do do in a very defensive manner it's really frustrating i've suggested he go to therapy for other issues he expresses but he's not interested i've already had many many years of therapy and recently finished a year of therapy for anxiety and depression so it any tips or insights you can help me with i'm really struggling here and would love some perspective after finally a month when the kids were laid to bed and there was more quiet and less chaos i sat down at the table and discussed with my husband how i felt burnt out and exhausted assuming nearly all of the household chores and mental load this came after i came prepared with a written sort of cluster diagram of every chore that i do and all the mental inventory i have to keep track of in the house for instance shampoo groceries diapers kids clothes toilet paper etc i explained that i have to keep all the balls in the air if i don't then it negatively affects how easy the household is run and will negatively affect other people for example if i just boycott keeping track of things that run low such as toilet paper or diapers or laundry detergent it's not good for anyone a kind of emergency situation would arise if my husband fails to do his chores he was oblivious to how it implicitly places the burden on me to pick up the slack his time spent on leisure activities and not his household responsibilities shifts more chores onto me while diminishing my free time that i could have the household is like a business and everyone has to chip in and do their part after explaining all this my husband was very open and apologetic of the fact he was so unaware of how his behavior and lack of action was negatively affecting me he confessed his radar for seeing things on the floor or that need to be put away just wasn't there and he really needs to keep working on making that better he also apologized for prioritizing his fun hobby projects over completing his chores first and then consequently leaving no time for his chores due to the interruptions of our kids he also apologized for his lazy behavior and said he's really going to make a better system for himself to get his household tasks routinely done that doesn't require me asking in the end he said he really appreciated me bringing this up in the way that i did and reaffirmed that everything i do does not go unnoticed and that he is so thankful for all that i do it feels good to talk things through calmly as adults and come to a healthy solution that comes with concrete action here's looking towards a less stressful future ahead long version a little over three years ago i had just gotten out of a relationship with a girl who was really abusive i broke up with her shortly before i graduated high school and wanted to take some time to focus on myself of course a few weeks after the breakup i meet the most gorgeous girl i've ever met and we really hit it off i'll refer to her as hell she had also gotten out of an abusive relationship so neither of us were looking for anything serious at the time my driver's license was suspended too much speeding bad time in my life learned my lesson and my friend i'll call him k would offer to drive me to see her for a few months we would mostly just still hang out together because we all got along really well and she and i would mostly just cuddle up if we were or watching a movie sometimes we would sneak off for a few minutes to make out a little but not long because we didn't want to be rude to kl and kay develop their own friendship during this time but it was obviously platonic on both ends like an older brother younger sister dynamic kaye also had a girlfriend of four years then but they were hanging by a thread after six months i got my license back and i'd go cl take her out without k at that point l and i started having s we both really liked each other but i panicked and sort of ghosted her for a few weeks ellen k continued talking and he said he wasn't going to stop being friends with her because i was being an idiot fair enough i realized i was being stupid until agreed to see me again we immediately picked right back up where we left off around this time kaye and his gf broke up so i moved with him i would go cl a few times a week and she would come to our place on the weekends and we would all hang out that continued for several more months until she ghosted me for about two weeks she told kay she was afraid i would bail again and she didn't want to go through the pain again we worked it out but embarrassingly this cycle has since repeated once or twice not in over a year though over the last year especially mostly since she turned 18 i've noticed kaye has acted differently around delhi flirt with her in front of me she's very friendly with him but does not flirt back and pulls away when he touches her i told him i don't like it but he said it doesn't matter if he flirts with her she loves me she says she doesn't feel that way about k at all and everything indicates that's the truth k has also started drinking more lately and the other night elle was not here he started whining about life not being fair i took the bait and asked what was wrong and he started rambling about how l is too good for me and i don't deserve her i agree but it still pissed me off he then told me he is in love with her has been for a while and if i cared for either of them at all i'd step aside so he could pursue her i didn't want to argue with him while he was drunk so i went to bed i confronted him in the morning and he doubled down he said that i can't commit i can't give her what she wants needs she isn't my girlfriend she is fair game to try to date am i wrong for thinking this is messed up ellen i do have an unconventional relationship i'll admit we don't refer to each other as boyfriend girlfriend but we don't sleep with other people we tell each other we love each other she usually stays at my place and we have a good relationship with each other's families i think we are pretty happy together i know she doesn't want to be with him so i'm not worried about that but since kay said those things i can't help but question if i'm being unfair too well by holding her back with me [Music] so [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 22,230

Rating: 4.8894644 out of 5

Keywords: reddit girl, reddit stepmother, reddit inheritance, reddit money, reddit family, reddit, r/ askreddit, r/ girl, r/ stepmother, r/ inheritance, r/ money, r/ family, r/ revenge, r/ prro revenge, pro revenge, askreddit girl, askreddit stepmother, askreddit inheritance, askreddit money, askreddit family, askreddit

Id: xuACQPGldkI

Length: 19min 42sec (1182 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 02 2020